cowboy Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious cowboy puns

I believe a lot of conflict in the Wild West...

...could have been avoided completely if cowboy architects had just made their towns big enough for everyone...

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A shy cowboy goes into a bar

*this is an old one but I'll give it a try*
...so he sees a nice looking cowgirl sitting on a bar stool. He doesn't know how to approach her so he just takes a seat somewhere else. After a while he gets an idea. He gets up, pulls out his gun, and shoots and kills everyone in the room, but her. He goes to her and says: "Now what is a nice-looking lady like yourself doing here all alone?"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

The secret to a long life

A tough old cowboy from Texas counseled his granddaughter that if she wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gun powder on her oatmeal every morning.

The granddaughter did this religiously until the age of 103, when she died.

She left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 45 great-grandchildren, 25 great-great-grandchildren, and a 40-foot hole where the crematorium used to be.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A 106-year-old cowboy in Texas recently passed away.

He was asked on his last birthday earlier this year his secret to longevity.

He told them that for the past 50 years he had sprinkled a little gunpowder on his cereal each morning.

He left behind 8 children, 21 grandchildren, 32 great-grandchildren, and a 15-foot hole in the crematorium.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Two cowboys are lost in the desert. One of them sees a tree in the distance that's draped in bacon. "It's a bacon tree! We're saved!" he says. He runs to the tree and is shot up with bullets.

It wasn't a bacon tree, it was a ham bush.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A cowboy thought he had 100 cows but when he counted them there were only 97

So he rounded them up.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Three cowboys sitting around a campfire

Two are arguing who is tougher.

"Last week I rode a 2000lb bull it bucked me off so I punched it one time and it turned into steaks" said the first.
"That's nothing, last time I had sex I used a live rattler for a condom" boasted the second.

The third said nothing, and continued quietly stirring the embers in the fire with his penis.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Tribal Wisdom

So a cowboy is riding along a trail in the old west and sees an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground. As he gets closer he hears the Indian saying to himself "Wagon...two gray horses...two passengers, man and woman...man driving" The cowboy goes "Wow! you can tell all that by just putting your ear to the ground?" The Indian replies "No. Wagon pass half hour ago, run me over."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A cowboy, an Indian, and a Muslim are sitting in a bar..

the Indian looks up and with a single tear and says "My people were once many, but now we're few." The Muslim chuckles and says " My people were once few, but now we're many." The cowboy looks up and says "Thats because we haven't played cowboys and Muslims yet."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What do you call a happy cowboy?

A jolly rancher!

Hahahahahahahahah




you guys have no idea how alone I am.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A Baptist preacher sits next to a cowboy on a flight...

After the plane took off, the cowboy asked for a whiskey and soda, which was brought and placed before him.

The flight attendant then asked the preacher if he would like a drink.

Appalled, the preacher replied, "I'd rather be tied up and taken advantage of by women of ill-repute, than let liquor touch my lips."

The cowboy then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me too, I didn't know we had a choice."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Three cowboys are sitting around a campfire.

The youngest cowboy says, Last week, a mammoth bull gored 10 men on the range, but I stepped in and wrestled it to the ground with nothing but my bare hands.

Not wanting to be outdone, the second cowboy says, That's nothing. Two days ago, I was attacked by a 10-foot rattler, but I caught it in mid-strike and ripped off its head with my teeth.

The third cowboy just sat there quietly, slowly stirring the coals with his penis.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A cowboy and an Indian are riding horseback.

The Indian stops his horse, jumps off and puts his ear to the ground.

He looks up at the cowboy and says, "Buffalo come".

The cowboy looks around and then back at the Indian. "How the hell do you know that?"

The Indian replied, "Ear sticky".

πŸ‘πŸΌ

An old cowboy told his grandson...

An old cowboy told his grandson "The secret to a long, healthy life is to put a pinch of gunpowder in your oatmeal every morning." The grandson took this advice to heart, and everyday for the rest of his life put a pinch of gunpowder in his oatmeal every morning. When he died at the age of 132 he left behind 5 children, 12 grandchildren, 35 great grandchildren, 78 great great grandchildren, and a 50 foot hole where the crematorium used to be.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Did you hear about the cowboy who wore a hat made of paper towels?

He had a bounty on his head.



...I'll see myself out. :-/

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Q: What do Cowboys fans do after they win the Super Bowl?

A: Turn off the XBox.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Tough old cowboy advice

A tough old cowboy from Texas counseled his granddaughter that if she wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gun powder on her oatmeal every morning.
The granddaughter did this religiously until the age of 103, when she died.
She left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 45 great-grandchildren, 25 great-great-grandchildren, and a 40-foot hole where the crematorium used to be.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What is it called when a Cowboy dies and then is resurrected into a new life?

Reintarnation.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Three cowboys are sitting around a campfire...

The youngest cowboy says, Last week, a huge bull gored 10 men on the range, but I stepped in and wrestled it to the ground with nothing but my bare hands.

Not wanting to be outdone, the second cowboy says, That's nothing. Two days ago, I was attacked by a 10-foot rattler, but I caught it in mid-strike and ripped off its head with my teeth."

The third cowboy just sat there quietly, slowly stirring the coals with his penis.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A cowboy ran out of food on the trail so he had to boil and eat his leather chaps.

The next day he pooped his pants.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A Texan cowboy was walking down the road

When a little old lady walked up to him and asked, "Are you one of those cowboys every body talks about?"

"Why yes ma'am I am." He replied

"The ones who ride around on horses and herd cattle?" She continued.

"Yes ma'am I am."

"The kind who ties up those calves and brands them?" She inquired

"Yes ma'am I am"

Obviously displeased she scowled at him and said "Well you ought to be hung!"

The cowboy smiled and replied,
"Yes ma'am I am."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Two cowboys are walking the fence line

and they find a sheep that is caught by the hair in the barbed wire. One of the cowboys drops his pants and gets behind the sheep and goes to town. He's having a great time, and slapping the sheep's ass harder and harder as he builds to his grand finale. After he finishes, he turns to the other cowboy and says "You want some of that?" His friend says "OK, but don't slap me on the ass as hard as you did the sheep."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A cowboy walks into a German car showroom and says,

"Audi".

πŸ‘πŸΌ

How to Live a Long Life

A tough old cowboy once counseled his grandson that if he wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a little gunpowder on his oatmeal every morning.

The grandson did this religiously and he lived to the age of 93.

When he died, he left 14 children, 28 grandchildren, 35 great grandchildren and a fifteen foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Three cowboys are sitting around a fire arguing over which one is the toughest

The first one says "I'm the toughest sumbitch in the land! One time a rattlesnake bit me, so grabbed it and bit it straight back!" The next cowboy said "That aint nothin'! Last year I fought twelve men over a rock to use as a pillow!" The third one doesn't say a word. He just sits there, poking the fire with his penis

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A cowboy opens a German car dealership

His business card says "Audi Partner"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A cowboy comes into a bar just a-whoopin' and a-hollerin'

Cowboy: "Line me up four shots of whisky".

Barkeep: "What are you celebrating?".

Cowboy: "My first blowjob".

Barkeep: "Hell, have another shot on the house".

Cowboy: "Well, if four shots don't get this awful taste out of my mouth, I'm not sure five will either".

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Two cowboys are riding out when the spot an Indian laying down with his ear to the ground.

Approaching him, one Cowboy says Look here. These Indians can track wagons from miles away. You there, what can you tell about the closest wagon train?

The Indian says Large Conestoga wagon, father, mother, three daughters, headed due west at around two miles per hour .

Wow! Exclaimed the cowboys in unison. You can tell all that by listening to the ground?

Nuh-uh. Ran over me half an hour ago .

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Where does a cowboy go to find love?

On Yee-Harmony.







(C) I tell jokes at work & honestly made this one up, I'm pretty stoked, please share if you liked it!)

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A cowboy walks into a saloon…

and orders himself a drink at the bar counter. Turning to the fellow sitting next to him, he slowly utters, Combat. Battle. Warfare. Skirmish. Brawl. Scuffle.

The other man slams his glass down on the counter, gets up out of his seat, turns to face the cowboy, and says, Hey, them's fightin' words!

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Rodeo sex

2 cowboys talking about sex.

1 cowboy says "I like the rodeo position!"

"I haven't heard of that" says the other cowboy, "what is it?"

"Well get your girlfriend down on all fours and mount her from behind. Then reach round and cup both of her breasts and whisper "these feel just like your sisters" and try and hold on for 8 seconds!"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Ever wonder why Dallas Cowboy fans are so rich?

Because they never have to pay for super bowl tickets!

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A cowboy appears before St. Peter...

A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.
"Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked.
"Well, I can think of one thing," the cowboy offered.

"On a trip to the Big Horn Mountains out in Wyoming, I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground." I yelled, "Now, back off or I'll kick the shit out of all of you"
Saint Peter was impressed, "When did this happen?"

"Couple of minutes ago."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

An old, blind cowboy wanders into a bar....

An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter,

"Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a, very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,

"Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler

"Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, "No... Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

The Paper Cowboy

A cowboy walked into a bar and ordered a whisky. When the bartender delivered the drink, the cowboy asked, "Where is everybody?"

The bartender replied, "They've gone to the hanging."

"Hanging? Who are they hanging?"

"Brown Paper Pete," the bartender replied.

"What kind of a name is that?" the cowboy asked.

"Well," said the bartender, "he always wore a brown paper hat, brown paper shirt, brown paper trousers and brown paper shoes."

"How bizarre," said the cowboy. "What are they hanging him for?"

"Rustling," answered the bartender.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What are the most funny Cowboy jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Cowboy? Well, here are the best Cowboy dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Cowboy pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes