Cowboy Jokes
149 cowboy jokes and hilarious cowboy puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about cowboy that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laugh at your next cowboy themed event with these hilarious cowboy jokes. From cowboy hats and cowboy birthday parties to roasts, halloween, and Cowboy Bebop, these jokes range from family friendly to raunchy. Get ready to impress your doggy, cowpoke, and even newcomer friends with these yee-haw worthy jokes!
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Funniest Cowboy Short Jokes
Short cowboy jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The cowboy humour may include short country girl jokes also.
- I believe a lot of conflict in the Wild West... ...could have been avoided completely if cowboy architects had just made their towns big enough for everyone...
- A cowboy thought he had 100 cows but when he counted them there were only 97 So he rounded them up.
- My brother wanted to play cowboys and indians So I put on a ten gallon hat and and chaps and he went to MIT and graduated in computer science.
- Did you hear about the cowboy who wore a hat made of paper towels? He had a bounty on his head.
...I'll see myself out. :-/ - What is it called when a Cowboy dies and then is resurrected into a new life? Reintarnation.
- What's the safest place in Dallas during a tornado? The Cowboys stadium, the only place there'll never be a touchdown
- A cowboy ran out of food on the trail so he had to boil and eat his leather chaps. The next day he pooped his pants.
- Where are people in Dallas staying to avoid getting Ebola? The Cowboys Stadium.
Because they can't catch anything there. - Tornado warning in Texas... Everyone evacuate to the Cowboys stadium!
No chance of a touchdown there - Where does a cowboy go to find love? On Yee-Harmony.
(C) I tell jokes at work & honestly made this one up, I'm pretty stoked, please share if you liked it!)
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Cowboy One Liners
Which cowboy one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with cowboy? I can suggest the ones about country western and farm boy.
- What do you call a happy cowboy? A jolly rancher!
- Q: What do Cowboys fans do after they win the Super Bowl? A: Turn off the XBox.
- How do Chinese Cowboys greet each other? They say, "NiHowdy!"
- A cowboy walks into a German car showroom and says, "Audi".
- What Do you call 20 Millionaires watching the Superbowl? The Dallas Cowboys
- A cowboy opens a German car dealership His business card says "Audi Partner"
- Why do Canadian cowboys have sticky feet? Maple Stirrups.
- Why did the cowboy have to buy a dachshund? He had to get a long little doggy.
- What did the Buddhist say when he was reborn as a cowboy? WHAT IN CARNATION?!
- I bought a dachshund on a cowboy's recommendation. He told me to get a long little doggy.
- The first job I ever had was ironing cowboy clothes. Howdy pressing.
- Why did the cowboy sleep with his saddle? In case of any night mares!
- Why are cowboys bad at being accountants? Because they always round up.
- Two gay cowboys: "Y'up?"
"Yup." - If you put on cowboy clothes, are you technically, ranch dressing?
Day Of The Cowboy Jokes
Here is a list of funny day of the cowboy jokes and even better day of the cowboy puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A cowboy rode in on Thurdsay and three days later he left on Friday. How did this happen?
- A cowboy rides into town on Friday, stays three days, and leaves on Friday. How'd he do it? The horses name was Friday.
- Kelly and Ron Kelly: A cowboy rides into town on Friday, stays two days, and comes back on Friday. How is this possible?
Ron: The horse's name is Friday, right?
Kelly: Correct, my good neigh-bor - A cowboy rides into town on Friday. Two days later, he leaves on Friday. How is this possible? His horse's name is Friday.
- A cowboy leaves his home on a Sunday, leaves for three days, and comes on Friday. How is this possible? His mistress' name is Friday.
- My cowboy friends phone froze on gindr the other day He kept asking "Why can't I quit you"
Old Cowboy Jokes
Here is a list of funny old cowboy jokes and even better old cowboy puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How does Dallas Cowboys fans change a lightbulb? They don't... they just talk about how good the old one was.
- What do you call it after cowboys eat beans at high noon? A toot-out at the O.K. Corral.
(Don't be mean. Inspired by my 2 month old.) - Last week, I took a Dallas Cowboys jersey away from my 2-year-old nephew. It was a choking hazard.
- Do old cowboys wear boxers or briefs? Depends.
Cowboy Hat Jokes
Here is a list of funny cowboy hat jokes and even better cowboy hat puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What does a a cowboy car salesman say *tips hat* Audi
- Why are cowboy hats curled up on the side? So they can fit three in the pickup.
- Did you hear about the brown paper bag cowboy? He had a brown paper bag hat, brown paper bag boots, a brown paper bag shirt, and a pair of brown paper bag pants. He was arrested. For rustling.
- Where do Arabians with cowboy hats gather? Howdy Arabia
- I met this cowboy with a brown paper hat, paper waistcoat and paper trousers. He was wanted for rustling!
- A stick insect walks into a bank A stick insect walks into a bank wearing a cowboy hat with two guns holstered at his side.
He yells "HEYYYYYYY, this is a stick up." - Last year Chuck Norris won the prize for best float at the Carnival in Rio simply by walking in the parade wearing his cowboy hat.
- How do cowboys feel when their hats fly off? Up-stet.
- what does a cowboy from colorado wear? a 420-gallon hat
- What has 3 arms, 1 hat, 2 shirts, 1 jacket, 1 scarf, 1 gun, and 4 ears? The Tchernobyl cowboy.
Cowboy And Indian Jokes
Here is a list of funny cowboy and indian jokes and even better cowboy and indian puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- If we played cowboys and Indians I wouldn't choose to be on losing team that would be Sioux side.
- My kids are playing cowboys and Indians. One is pretending to ride a horse and shoot stuff, the other is providing tech support.
- Two cowboys looking at the desert horizon and a bunch of indians appear coming towards them... -Are they enemies or friends?
-They are obviosly friends, they are coming altogether. - What's the difference between the Cowboys and the Indians? One plays football the other plays baseball
- A Cop, Indian, GI, Construction Worker and a Cowboy walk into a bar... Am I in the wrong place or are they?
- What do you call an Indian cowboy Tex support
Cowboy Fan Jokes
Here is a list of funny cowboy fan jokes and even better cowboy fan puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Ever wonder why Dallas Cowboy fans are so rich? Because they never have to pay for super bowl tickets!
- How many Cowboys fans does it take to change a light bulb? Zero. They don't change it, they just talk about how bright it used to be.
- Female Cowboys fans Why is it considered safe to date a girl who's a Dallas Cowboys fan?
Because she will never expect a ring! - What does a sad cowboy and a supernatural fan have in common? both want to put a winchester in their mouth
- Why don't Dallas Cowboy fans take their wives to the football games?
'Cause they jump the fence and eat the grass. - Good afternoon to everyone whose NFL team scored at least 1 point yesterday. Not you Cowboy's fans.
- Friend says he used to be a Cowboys fan. Became a Patroits fan when they started winning.
Happy Cowboy Jokes for a Lighthearted Night with Friends
What funny jokes about cowboy you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean wild west jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make cowboy pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Baptist preacher sits next to a cowboy on a flight...
After the plane took off, the cowboy asked for a whiskey and soda, which was brought and placed before him.
The flight attendant then asked the preacher if he would like a drink.
Appalled, the preacher replied, "I'd rather be t**... and taken advantage of by women of ill-repute, than let liquor touch my lips."
The cowboy then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me too, I didn't know we had a choice."
A penguin, a priest, and a cowboy walk into a bar.
The bartender says, "Is this some kind of joke?!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Getty Yup!
Cowboy: "Give me 3 packet of condoms, please."
Cashier: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?"
Cowboy: "Nah.... She ain't that ugly."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What sound does an Asian cowboy make when he walks into a bar?
c**.......c**.......c**.......
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A cowboy, an Indian, and a Muslim are sitting in a bar..
the Indian looks up and with a single tear and says "My people were once many, but now we're few." The Muslim chuckles and says " My people were once few, but now we're many." The cowboy looks up and says "Thats because we haven't played cowboys and Muslims yet."
A real cowboy?
An old cowboys goes into a bar, sits down and orders a drink. As he sits there sipping his bourbon, a young lady sits down next to him. She turns to the cowboys and asks "Are you a real cowboy?".
He replies "Well, I've spent my whole life on the ranch, herding horses, mending fences and branding cattle, so I guess I am".
She says "That's cool. I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning I think about women. When I shower or watch TV, everything seems to make me think of women".
The young lady finishes her drink and leaves and soon after a couple sits down next to the cowboy and the man asks him "Are you a real cowboy?".
He replies "Well, I always thought I was but I just found out I'm a lesbian".
Blondes and Blind Cowboy
An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender,
'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair,
Given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
* The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
* The bouncer is a blonde girl.
* I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in
karate.
* The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
* The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy. Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head
and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times
A cowboy takes a break from the range and heads out to LA for a cowboy convention . . .
When he gets to LA, he decides to stop at a local watering hole and grab a beer. He's sitting there in his hat, jeans, and boots, when a woman walks up and sits down beside him.
Woman: Are you a cowboy?
Cowboy: Well yes ma'am, I am.
Woman: Like a real deal cowboy?
Cowboy: I don't know any other kind.
Woman: I've never met a real cowboy before.
Cowboy: Well now you have.
Woman: Well?
Cowboy: Well what?
Woman: Aren't you going to ask what I am?
Cowboy: Well, uh, what are you?
Woman: I'm a lesbian.
Cowboy: A lesb- . . . I don't believe I know what that is.
Woman: It means that I like women. I like to kiss them and touch them and make love to them.
Cowboy: . . . .
The woman gets up and leaves and another woman comes into the bar. She spots the cowboy sitting there with his beer and takes a seat beside him.
Woman: Are you a cowboy?
Cowboy: Well ma'am, I thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.
harharhar.
Tribal Wisdom
So a cowboy is riding along a trail in the old west and sees an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground. As he gets closer he hears the Indian saying to himself "Wagon...two gray horses...two passengers, man and woman...man driving" The cowboy goes "Wow! you can tell all that by just putting your ear to the ground?" The Indian replies "No. Wagon pass half hour ago, run me over."
What do cowboy hipsters listen to?
Rodeohead.
What do you call a cowboy with a case of bad gas?
Darn tootin'!
A cowboy rides into town wearing a paper suit.
He's wearing a paper hat, a paper shirt, vest, jacket and pants. He even had a paper holster for his six-shooter.
He wasn't in town 10 minutes before he was arrested for rustling.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I heard we like Native American jokes.
Two cowboys come upon an Indian lying on his stomach with
his ear to the ground.
One of the cowboys stops and says to the other, "You see
that Indian?"
"Yeah," says the other cowboy.
"Look," says the first one, "he's listening to the ground.
He can hear things for miles in any direction."
Just then the Indian looks up. "Covered wagon," he says,
"about two miles away. Have two horses, one brown, one white.
Man, woman, child, household effects in wagon."
"Incredible!" says the cowboy to his friend. "This Indian
knows how far away they are, how many horses, what color they
are, who is in the wagon, and what is in the wagon. Amazing!"
The Indian looks up and says, "Ran over me about a
half hour ago."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do cowboys prefer wienie dogs?
So they can get a long little d**....
A cowboy walks into a bar.
He orders a beer and sits down. As he's waiting, he pulls out a revolver without warning and fires at the fan standing in the corner. The bartender runs over, shocked. "What on earth do you think you're doing?!" he cries.
"Oh, you know," the cowboy drawls, "just shootin' the breeze."
The Paper Cowboy
A cowboy walked into a bar and ordered a whisky. When the bartender delivered the drink, the cowboy asked, "Where is everybody?"
The bartender replied, "They've gone to the hanging."
"Hanging? Who are they hanging?"
"Brown Paper Pete," the bartender replied.
"What kind of a name is that?" the cowboy asked.
"Well," said the bartender, "he always wore a brown paper hat, brown paper shirt, brown paper trousers and brown paper shoes."
"How bizarre," said the cowboy. "What are they hanging him for?"
"Rustling," answered the bartender.
Why do cowboys always want to die with their boots on?
So they don't stub their toes when they kick the bucket.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Rodeo Position
Two old cowboys are sitting around a campfire and drinking. Somewhat drunk and not in the best frame of mind one turns to the other and say's I miss my missus, but when we make love it's always the same . Somewhat taken aback, but curious nonetheless, the other cowboy asks how's that? We always use the old m**... the old cowboy replies. Thinking about this the other cowboy says If you want some excitement you need to try the Rodeo position . The cowboy says What's that?
Well you start off d**..., behind her. Then you lean forward and with your right hand grab her right breast, and with your left hand grab her left breast, with your face beside her head you whisper gently in her ear, Yep feels just like your sister , and then hold on for dear life.
A cowboy is buying condoms.
"Give me 3 packets of condoms, please" he says.
"Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?" asks the cashier.
"Nah, she's purty good-lookin ..."
The secret to a long life
A tough old cowboy from Texas counseled his granddaughter that if she wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gun powder on her oatmeal every morning.
The granddaughter did this religiously until the age of 103, when she died.
She left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 45 great-grandchildren, 25 great-great-grandchildren, and a 40-foot hole where the crematorium used to be.
A cowboy is riding his horse in the desert...
next to them his dog is running along. Suddenly the dog says:"I'm so hot right now. I cant take it anymore". The surprised cowboy looked at the dog and said: "Wow!I didn't know dogs could talk". Then suddenly the horse says: "Neither did I!!"
Religious Cowboy
The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a toad walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the toad's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!" "Not really," said the toad. "Your name is written inside the cover."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
a**... of police powers.
A cowboy walks into a saloon wearing paper bag boots, paper bag pants, a paper bag shirt and a paper hat.
The local sheriff pulls out his gun and says " I'm arresting you."
And the cowboy says "What for?"
The sheriff replies "RUSTLING!"
A cowboy walks into a saloon…
and orders himself a drink at the bar counter. Turning to the fellow sitting next to him, he slowly utters, Combat. Battle. Warfare. Skirmish. Brawl. Scuffle.
The other man slams his glass down on the counter, gets up out of his seat, turns to face the cowboy, and says, Hey, them's fightin' words!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do a p**... and a cowboy have in common?
They both know how to throw a h**...-down.
Cowboy walks into a bar.
A cowboy walks into a bar. He's wearing brown paper shirt, a brown paper vest, brown paper pants and a brown paper hat. "Gimme 5 shots of tequila", he demands. "You must be celebrating" the bartender said as he set up the shots. "yep, I just got out of prison", said the cowboy. "What were you in for"?, asked the bartender. The cowboy replied, "rustling".
An old, blind cowboy wanders into a bar....
An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter,
"Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a, very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
"Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler
"Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, "No... Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
What does a Muslim cowboy shout on his horse?
Jee hawd!!!!!!!!!!
How cowboys are made
"Dad?"
"Yes, son?"
"Where do Cowboys come from?"
"Well, son. When a cow and a boy love each other very, very much..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Texan cowboy was walking down the road
When a little old lady walked up to him and asked, "Are you one of those cowboys every body talks about?"
"Why yes ma'am I am." He replied
"The ones who ride around on horses and herd cattle?" She continued.
"Yes ma'am I am."
"The kind who ties up those calves and brands them?" She inquired
"Yes ma'am I am"
Obviously displeased she scowled at him and said "Well you ought to be hung!"
The cowboy smiled and replied,
"Yes ma'am I am."
Two cowboys were riding their horses through the plains when they saw an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground.
See that Indian? One of the Cowboys said. "He can hear everything that's going on for miles around."
They rode up to him, and the Indian said, "white pickup. Four people in the front, six in the back. Big party."
"Wow" the other cowboy said. "You can tell all that from just listening to the ground?"
"Nah, I fell off the back."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A cowboy walks into a bar.
He throws a coin up in the air, shoots at it three times, and says "My name is Bill, Buffalo Bill". After the cowboy, a stranger stands up, pulls down his pants, showing three t**... and says "My name is Bill, Cherno Bill".
The Old Cowboy's Shave
An old cowboy walks into a barbershop in Red Lodge, Montana for a shave and a haircut.
He tells the barber he can't get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.
The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells the old cowboy to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.
When he's finished, the old cowboy tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he'd had in years, but he wanted to know what would have happened if he had accidentally swallowed the little ball.
The barber replied, Just bring it back in a couple of days like everyone else does .
An Indian and a cowboy were buffalo hunting together
The Indian suddenly knelt down, pressed his ear against the ground and said "Buffalo come."
The cowboy was amazed by this and asked him "how do you know this?"
The Indian replied: "Sticky."
A cowboy kept trying to draw his gun
Unfortunately, he couldn't find a pencil.
Cowboy: How many cattle do we have here? 18..!
Ranch owner: Round them up
Cowboy: Ok 20, then!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A shy cowboy goes into a bar
*this is an old one but I'll give it a try*
...so he sees a nice looking c**... sitting on a bar stool. He doesn't know how to approach her so he just takes a seat somewhere else. After a while he gets an idea. He gets up, pulls out his gun, and shoots and kills everyone in the room, but her. He goes to her and says: "Now what is a nice-looking lady like yourself doing here all alone?"
What does a vegan cowboy put in his cereal?
Y'ALLMOND MILK
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two cowboys sitting on a fence watching a dog lick his nuts..
One says to the other, "man I wish I could do that" then the other says, "doncha think you should at least pet him first"
Ninja Joke
Can a viking throw an axe?
Sure he can.
Can a cowboy throw a lasso?
Sure he can.
Can a ninja throw a spinning blade?
Shuriken.
What do you call a radically Islamic cowboy?
A yeehawdist
Two cowboys are riding out when the spot an Indian laying down with his ear to the ground.
Approaching him, one Cowboy says Look here. These Indians can track wagons from miles away. You there, what can you tell about the closest wagon train?
The Indian says Large Conestoga wagon, father, mother, three daughters, headed due west at around two miles per hour .
Wow! Exclaimed the cowboys in unison. You can tell all that by listening to the ground?
Nuh-uh. Ran over me half an hour ago .
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A group of lads go out for a night and then go to a cowboy themed bar.
When they go in they see that the bar has installed a spinning bull. They all have a go and the bull spins them around and they all fall off within 30 seconds.Up steps p**... and he jumps on the bull and he stays on for 10 minutes before falling off . The rest of the lads ask how he managed to stay on for so long and he replies
"my wifes epileptic"
How did the catholic cowboy greet his priest for confession?
Howdy, pardoner!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A cowboy sees a bunch of American Indians on the horizon and thinks: ''I'm f**......'', but a voice in the back of his head says: ''Not so fast! Kill the chief!!!''
''What?! Why?'' - thinks the cowboy.
''Just kill the chief!'' - says the voice.
The cowboy hesitated a bit more and than drew his gun and shot the chief.
As the chief was falling from his horse the voice in the cowboy's head said: ''*Now* you're f**......''
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
One Day a Cowboy Rode into Town
He t**... his horse and entered a saloon
When he exited the saloon, he found his horse missing
The cowboy shouted, "I'm going to go inside for another drink, when I'm done, my horse better be returned. If not, I'll do what I did back in Texas."
The cowboy went back inside the bar, got a drink, and returned to find his horse.
As he saddled up, a man approached him and asked,
"Out of curiosity, what did you do back in Texas?"
The cowboy responded,
"I had to walk home."
P.S. Sorry
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A dinosaur, a spider, and a cowboy walk into a bar
All three sit at the bar and begin drinking heavily, clearly distressed. The bartender asks them what their troubles are.
The Cowboy takes a shot, then says "my horse got loose, ran into traffic, and got hit by a semi truck carrying gasoline. Cause a whole big e**... and blew my poor horse to bits." The spider nods sympathetically. "I just lost my husband in that same fire. The driver found him, freaked out, and crashed trying to squash my dear hubby."
The bartender is in shock, but finally asks the dinosaur his story.
The dinosaur sniffed, took a sip from his straw, and said "My whole family was on that truck"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three Surgeons meet in a bar...
Three Surgeons meet in a bar and talk about their work. The first one says "I sew 2 fingers that were cut off back on a guys hand, and I did it so well that he still became a famous pianist". The second one says "Thats nothing, I sew a guys legs back to his torso and did it so well that he still was able to win gold in the olympics". The third one says "a cowboy and his horse were hit by a train and the only thing i had left to work with was the guys a**... and the horses blond mane. I did my best and the guy became president of the USA".
What do cowboys call midnight
High Moon
A cowboy walks into a bar and accidentally bumps shoulders with someone while walking up to the bartender
The cowboy says politely, Scuse me, sir.
The person looks over at the cowboy uncomfortably and responds, Uh, actually I'm non-binary. The cowboy tips his hat respectfully and says, Oh, pardon me M'theydy.
A cowboy is riding on his horse in a desert. Suddenly he sees a man lying down with his ear to the ground.
The man says: 'A carriage. 6 horses. 3 black, 2 brown and 1 white.'
The cowboy says: 'Wow! You can hear all of that?!'
'No,' says the man. 'They just ran me over.'
What does a teenage cowboy say when he throws somebody out of the saloon?
Yeet-haw!
Two cowboys are lost in the desert. One cowboy sees a tree that's draped in bacon. A bacon tree ! We're saved! He says. He runs to the tree and is shot up with bullets.
It wasn't a bacon tree, it was a ham bush.
The secret of long life
A young man met a cowboy who was 104, still active and in good health. He asked the old-timer what the secret was to his longevity.
The old man said, "You gotta sprinkle a little gunpowder on your oatmeal every morning see. If you do, you'll live to a nice, ripe old age."
So the young man did this religiously every day for the rest of his life, and sure enough, lived to the age of 100.
When he died he left behind 6 children, 10 grandchildren, 56 great-grandchildren...and a 16 foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Cowboys don't roll joints
They tumble w**...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Lone Ranger stops for a drink
The Lone Ranger and Tonto ride into town one hot, summer day. The Lone Ranger's horse is looking overheated so the Lone Ranger tells Tonto to run around in circles fanning the horse off.
Sometime later a cowboy walks into the saloon and asks "Who's horse is that out there with the silver saddle?"
"That would be me," says the Lone Ranger. "Well you left your i**... running."
If I died, and came back as a cowboy, that could very well be considered.....
Reintarnation
A cowboy and a Roman soldier walked to a bar, and the bartender is deaf....
... The cowboy wanted 4 beers, so he showed 4 fingers and the roman soldier wanted 4 beers so he showed 3 fingers
How do you warm up a frozen cowboy?
Yee thaw!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Cowboy Jack
So I used to have this friend named Jack. He was pretty fat, and he thought he was a cowboy. He loved to ride horses. I was surprised they held him up. Well Jack just kept getting fatter and fatter. He refused to give up riding. Then one day he got stuck in his saddle. He tried to throw himself over one side, throw himself over the other, but nothing would work. Anyways, that was the day I had to help j**... a horse.
Two cowboys were riding through a canyon and from far off they heard the sound of drumming.
One of them said, "I don't like the sound of those drums." And a distant voice called out "He's not our regular drummer!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A cowboy walks into a bar
A cowboy walks into a bar a wips out his gun and said: "who stole my horse!?"
*silence*
"If the thief does not admit i will do what my father did when his horse got stolen"
o**... stands up and said: "what did your father did when his horse got stolen?"
The cowboy said: "he walked home"
My wife and I went to a "Dude Ranch" while in Texas.
The cowboy preparing the horses asked if she wanted a Western or English saddle, and she asked what the difference was.
He told her one had a horn and one didn't.
She replied, "The one without the horn is fine. I don't expect we'll run into too much traffic."
