Cowboy Boots Jokes

A cowboy takes a break from the range and heads out to LA for a cowboy convention . . .

When he gets to LA, he decides to stop at a local watering hole and grab a beer. He's sitting there in his hat, jeans, and boots, when a woman walks up and sits down beside him.
Woman: Are you a cowboy?
Cowboy: Well yes ma'am, I am.
Woman: Like a real deal cowboy?
Cowboy: I don't know any other kind.
Woman: I've never met a real cowboy before.
Cowboy: Well now you have.
Woman: Well?
Cowboy: Well what?
Woman: Aren't you going to ask what I am?
Cowboy: Well, uh, what are you?
Woman: I'm a lesbian.
Cowboy: A lesb- . . . I don't believe I know what that is.
Woman: It means that I like women. I like to kiss them and touch them and make love to them.
Cowboy: . . . .
The woman gets up and leaves and another woman comes into the bar. She spots the cowboy sitting there with his beer and takes a seat beside him.
Woman: Are you a cowboy?
Cowboy: Well ma'am, I thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.
harharhar.

A lady went into a bar in Waco and saw a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table.

He had the biggest boots she'd ever seen.
The woman asked the cowboy if it's true that men with big feet are well endowed.
The cowboy grinned and said, "Shore is, little lady. Why don't you come on out to the bunkhouse and let me prove it to you?"

The woman was a bit promiscuous and was curious to see if the old adage was correct, so she spent the night with him.
The next morning she handed him a $100 bill.
Blushing, he said, "Well, thank you, ma'am. Ah'm real flattered. Ain't nobody ever paid me fer mah services before."
"Don't be flattered. Take the money and buy yourself some smaller boots"

A cowboy rides into a new town,

and stops at the first saloon he sees.
Walks in, and is surprised that the whole place is empty except for the bartender polishing some glasses.
So he asks, "Where is everyone?"
Barkeep looks up from his busy work and replies, "Well, probably at the hanging."
Cowboy asks, "Who you all hanging?
Bartender replies, "Ol' Paper Bag Pete."
"Peculiar name.", says the cowboy.
"Yep", replies the bartender. "He was a peculiar fellow. Made his shirts out of paper bags, his pants out of paper bags...heck, even his boots out of paper bags."
"That is strange, but don't seem i**.... What is he being hanged for?" asked the cowboy
Bartender took a deep breath, "Rustlin'"

An elderly couple, Margaret and Bert, live in Arkansas.

An elderly couple, Margaret and Bert, live in Arkansas.
Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. So seeing some on sale one day, he buys them, wears them home, walking proudly.
He walks into the house and says to his wife 'Notice anything different about me?'
Margaret looks him over, 'Nope.'
Frustrated, Bert storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back into the room completely n**... except for the boots.
Again, he asks, a little louder this time 'Notice anything different NOW?'
Margaret looks up and says, 'Bert, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, and it'll be hanging down again tomorrow.'
Furious, Bert yells, AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?
'Nope' she replies.
'IT'S HANGING DOWN BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!!' Bert yells.
To which Margaret replies… Shoulda bought a hat, Bert. Shoulda bought a hat.

A cowboy is walking n**... down main street...

and the sheriff came driving by and saw him. BWOOP BWOOP! He pulls over and talks to him.
"Son, why are you n**... in the middle of town?"
The cowboy chuckles and says "Well, it's a long story."
"There is a n**... cowboy on main street in my town. I got time for a long story, let's hear it."
"Alright, so I was throwin' hay in my barn when a pretty little blonde lady comes in and says 'It's mighty hot in here, why don't you take your shirt off?' I did and she did the same, and I didn't mind. Then she says 'why don't ya set down and take your boots off?' I do and she set down beside me. Then she says 'why don't ya take them pants off?' I do and she does the same. Then she looks at me and says 'now go to town.' So here I am!"

Hanging down

Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home.
Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, "Notice anything different about me?"
Margaret looked him over. "Nope."
Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely n**... except for the boots.
Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, "Notice anything different NOW?"
Margaret looked up and said in her best deadpan, "Bert, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow."
Furious, Bert yelled, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?"
"Nope. Not a clue", she replied.
"IT'S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!"
Without missing a beat Margaret replied, "Shoulda bought a hat, Bert. Shoulda bought a hat."

The brown paper cowboy

A bounty hunter wandered into an old Texan town, looking for the latest wanted posters. Not finding any, he made his way to the local sheriff's office. ''So, who needs bringing in around here?" he asked the sheriff.
''Well, there's only one godawful fugitive around here, the baddest guy in the west. They call him the brown paper cowboy.''
'Why do they call him that?'' asks the bounty hunter.
''Because he wears a brown paper hat, a brown paper jacket, and brown paper boots.''
''Weird'' says the bounty hunter. ''What's he wanted for?"
''Rustlin','' says the sheriff.

The n**... cowboy

**n**... Cowboy**
A Sheriff in a small town in Texas walks out in the street and sees a blond haired cowboy coming toward him with nothing on but his cowboy hat, his gun and his boots. He arrests him for indecent exposure.
As he is locking him up, he asks 'Why in the world are you walking around like this?'
The cowboy says, 'Well it's like this Sheriff ......
I was in this bar down the road and this pretty little red head asks me to go out to her motor home with her. So I did.
We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt... So I did.
Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants.... So I did.
Then she pulls off her p**... and asks me to pull off my shorts...so I did.
Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of s**... and says, 'Now go to town, cowboy.. '
'And here I am.'

An elderly couple, Ray and Bessie, recently moved to Texas...

Ray has always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. Seeing some on sale one day, he buys them, wears them home, walking proudly. He walks into the house and says to his wife, "Notice
anything different about me?"
Bessie looks him over, "Nope."
Frustrated, Ray storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back into the room completely n**... except for the boots. Again, he asks, a little louder this time, "Notice anything different now??"
Bessie looks up and says, "Ray, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow."
Furious, Ray yells, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT IS HANGING DOWN, BESSIE? ... IT'S HANGING DOWN BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!!!"
To which Bessie replies, "Shoulda bought a hat, Ray. Shoulda bought a hat."

A rancher dies and leaves everything to his wife

She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.
Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.
He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching.
For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well. Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels." The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.
One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return.
Two o'clock and no hired hand.
Finally he returned a round two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.
She quietly called him over to her..
"Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said.
Trembling, he did as she directed. "Now take off my boots."
He did as she asked, ever so slowly.. "Now take off my socks."
He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.
"Now take off my skirt."
He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light. "Now take off my bra.." Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.
Then she looked at him and said, "If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired."

Heard this one seems kind of old.

Three strangers strike up a conversation in the passenger lounge in the Bozeman, Montana airport, while waiting for their respective flights...One is an American Indian passing through from Lame Deer, another is a Cowboy on his way to Billings for a livestock show, and the third passenger is a fundamentalist Arab student, newly arrived at Montana State University from the Middle East ....Their discussion drifts to their diverse cultures. Soon, the two Westerners learn that the Arab is a devout, radical Muslim and the conversation falls into an uneasy lull. The cowboy leans back in his chair, crosses his boots on a magazine table, tips his big sweat-stained hat forward over his face, and lights a cigarette. Finally, the American Indian clears his t**... and softly he speaks, 'At one time here... my people were many... but sadly, now we are few.' The Muslim student raises an eyebrow and leans forward, 'Once my people were few,' he sneers, 'and now we are many. Why do you suppose that is?' The cowboy removes his cigarette from his mouth and from the darkness beneath his Stetson says in a smooth drawl . . . 'I reckon that's 'cause we ain't played Cowboys and Muslims yet, but I do believe it's a-comin'.

New cowboy boots

Fred bought himself a new pair of cowboy boots that he had always wanted. He left them on after trying them on at the store. Upon arriving home, he walked in and said to Bertha "notice anything different".
"nope"
Frustrated, Fred left the room and stripped down, leaving on nothing but his cowboy boots. He walked back to Bertha and said "NOTICE ANYTHING DIFFERENT NOW"
Bertha replied "Nope, it's hanging now, was hanging this morning, and will be hanging again tomorrow"
Fred was about to lose it, he yelled out "YA KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, IT'S LOOKIN AT MY NEW BOOTS"
Bertha looked him straight in the eye, without flinching and said
"ya shoulda bought a hat"

A Cowboy Walks Into a Saloon, n**... . . .

. . . except for his boots.
Where your clothes at, Slim?
Back at the barn. I was feeding the horses when a beautiful blonde drove up. She says, 'I wanna show you something in the barn. Follow me.'
So I followed her. She says, 'Take off all your clothes.' So I do. Then she takes off her clothes, and says, 'You like what you see?' Fellers, she had the most bodacious body I ever did see! I said, 'Yes, ma'am, I do!'
Then she lays down on a blanket, all friendly-like, and says, 'Well, then, go to town, Cowboy!'
So I pulled on my boots and here I am.

The Sheriff in a small town walks out in the street and sees a blond cowboy coming down the walk with nothing on but his cowboy hat, gun, and his boots, so he arrests him for indecent exposure.
As he is locking him up, he asks “Why in the world are you dressed like this?“
The Cowboy says, “Well it’s like this Sheriff… I was in the bar down the road and this pretty little red head asks me to go out to her motorhome with her. So I did. We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt . so I did. Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants…so I did. Then she pulls off her p**... and asks me to pull off my shorts… so I did. Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of s**... and says, 'Now go to town, cowboy..' and here I am.”
Son of a Gun, Blond men do exist.