Covered Jokes

177 covered jokes and hilarious covered puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about covered that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Discover the humorous side of everyday experiences with covered jokes! Learn how to make a covered wagon joke, find out why people can't seem to resist chocolate covered jokes, and discover the unexpected implications of being flung in a covered wagon. Be prepared to leave a lasting impression as you explore the subtle stains of covered jokes!

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Funniest Covered Short Jokes

Short covered jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The covered humour may include short coverage jokes also.

  1. My girlfriend said, "You act like a detective too much. I want to split up." "Good idea," I replied. "We can cover more ground that way."
  2. My wife says we should split up because I keep pretending I'm a detective I said good idea, we can cover more ground that way
  3. An essay should be like a skirt. Long enough to cover everything but short enough to keep your attention.
  4. I was so embarrassed that my wife caught me playing with my son's train set that I threw the bedsheet over it. I think I managed to cover my tracks.
  5. Wife: You're shirtless? (husband nods)
    Wife: And covered in...oil?
    -Well, you know how you always say I never glisten?
    Wife: Listen. You never listen.
  6. When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body, but I'm so polite... ...I only look at the covered parts.
  7. When wearing a bikini,women reveal 90% of their body When wearing a bikini,women reveal 90% of their are so polite they only look at the covered parts
  8. James Bond always holds his farts while in bed Otherwise he would blow his cover.

    (Look I'm not funny this was my first and only attempt so sorry X\_X)
  9. A police officer accidentally arrested a judge who was dressed like a convict for a costume party. He quickly learned to never book a judge by their cover
  10. My girlfriend said she was sick of me pretending to be a detective... ...and that "we should split up"
    "Good idea", I said, "that way we can cover more ground"

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Covered One Liners

Which covered one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with covered? I can suggest the ones about wrapped and contained.

  1. Bikinis reveal 95% of a woman's body. Men are so polite they only look at covered areas.
  2. Where does a spy sleep? Under covers.
  3. Why don't arab women need Insurance? Because they are already covered.
  4. What do you call it when ISIS soldiers run for cover? 100 meter Daesh
  5. What do you call an Army Commander who is covered in pepper? A seasoned veteran
  6. How do you cover 18 holes with one hole? Have your mom sit down on a golf course.
  7. What do you call a young plastic covered sheep? Laminated
  8. What does a CIA Agent do when it's time for bed? He Goes Under Cover.
  9. What do you call a police officer that doesn't get out of bed? An under cover cop.
  10. Why was the pig covered in ink? Because it lived in a pen
  11. Why do French ghosts smell so bad? Zay are, ow you say, "covered in sheet".
  12. I like my camgirls like I like my French fries. Steaming hot and covered in oil.
  13. I saw a rainbow flag covered in seaweed. AlgaeBTQ
  14. What do you call a Russian cow covered in grass? Moscow!
  15. I like my bread the way I like my women... French and covered in butter.

Chocolate Covered Jokes

Here is a list of funny chocolate covered jokes and even better chocolate covered puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I grew up in a rough part of town... The local youths used to cover me in chocolate and cream, then put a cherry on my head. Life was tough in the gateau.
  • I just found out that Archeologist were recently digging in the pyramid of Egypt and found a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts. Experts on site identified the mummy as Pharaoh Roche.
  • Archeologists in Egypt have discovered a mummy covered in chocolate and hazelnuts. They believe it to be Pharaoh Rocher.
  • Egyptian joke A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt. Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Rocher.
  • BREAKING NEWS! Archaeologists digging in a pyramid in Egypt have found a mummy covered in chocolate & hazelnuts, and believe it to be Pharoah Rocher.
  • Breaking news from Egypt: they found a tomb covered in chocolate and nuts. They said it was a Pharaoh Rocher.
  • Archaeologists have recently found a mummy while excavating a tomb in Egypt Oddly enough, the mummy was covered in chocolate and hazelnuts. They believe it to be the tomb of Pharaoh Rosher.
  • My girlfriend likes to tie me to the bed and cover me in chocolate and caramel She's a dominatwix
  • What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate? A chocolate ba-a-a-a
  • What's the difference between a kinder surprise and Michael jackson. One is a choking hazard for children and the other is a chocolate covered candy

Covered Feathers Jokes

Here is a list of funny covered feathers jokes and even better covered feathers puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why does a duck have feathers? To cover its buttquack.
  • My little brother told me this one Why do ducks have feathers? He says grinning through his teeth
    To cover there But-Quacks! He says absolutely dyeing
  • I asked a partying man covered in feathers if he'd taken lots of drugs this evening... Quoth the raver: "Never more"
  • Why do ducks have feathers? To cover their assquacks
  • My 7 year old told me this one (sfw) Why does the duck have feathers?
    To cover it's quack hole!
  • A joke from my grandad Why is a duck filled with feathers.
    To cover it's buttquack
  • Do you know the number one use for chicken feathers in Indiana? Its to cover all the chickens!
  • What do ducks have feathers? To cover their quackholes
  • Why do ducks have feathers? To cover their b**... quacks.
    .....I'll gather your upvotes and see my way out.
  • A joke my nephew told me recently... Why do ducks have feathers? To cover their a**... quack
Covered joke, A joke my nephew told me recently... Why do ducks have feathers?

Covered Blanket Jokes

Here is a list of funny covered blanket jokes and even better covered blanket puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I was so embarrassed when my wife found me playing with my son's train set that I threw a blanket over it. I think I managed to cover my tracks.
  • I've just checked my home insurance policy and apparently if my blanket is stolen in the middle of the night, l'm not covered.
  • I just started a new band called 'Blankets and Duvets' We've already been called the best cover band of all time
  • What did the blanket say to the bed? Don't worry, I've got you covered.
  • Did you know that on average, people want 3 covers on their beds at all times? It's just a blanket statement.
  • The Orientation for my new job at the Mattress Store was today. The Manager handed me a King-sized Blanket and said, "Well, I think that covers just about everything here."
  • What did the soldier say to his blanket? "Cover me!"
    Forgive me pls
  • A blanket walks into a bar... the bouncer stops him at the door and says "sir, you have to pay a cover charge to get in."
  • Giving the homeless blankets Is just covering up the problem
  • Why did the blanket lie and confess to the m**...? It was the perfect cover.

Covered Wagon Jokes

Here is a list of funny covered wagon jokes and even better covered wagon puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • You're so old that your first car was a covered wagon.
  • Cameron, Merkel, and Holland are releasing a new cover version of three wheels on my wagon
  • My wife hate pioneers... She says they were the only ones s**... enough to invent covered wagons and Dutch ovens.
Covered joke, My wife hate pioneers...

Comical Covered Jokes and Gems that Will Get You in Laughter Land

What funny jokes about covered you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean overs jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make covered pranks.

A priest, a minister, and a rabbi decided to go skinny dipping...

Suddenly, they saw three women walking towards them. Each was a member of their flocks. The priest and the minister covered their privates with their hands and closed their eyes waiting for the agony to end.
After the women walked away they noticed the rabbi had covered his face and not his nether regions. He said, "My flock recognizes my face. What kinda sermons do you give?"

Two bats are sitting in a cave... looks at the other a says, "I'm hungry. Think I'll go get some blood". So he flew out of the cave.
About an hour later he returns with his face covered in blood. His buddy looks at him and says, "Wow! How did you get all that blood?".
"Well...", he replies, "you know when you are flying out of the cave, you hang a right and then you see that tree in front of you..."
"Yeah?", says his buddy.
He replies, "Well.....I didn't".

My dad's favourite joke - Harry the vampire bat

So one day Harry the vampire bat gets back to his cave, with his entire face absolutely covered with blood. All the other bats are incredulous, demanding where Harry found all the blood. Harry agrees to show them. So they all follow Harry out of the cave, over the river, and through some fields, until they get to a field with a single tree in the middle of it. All the bats are impatient, saying 'Harry is the blood here? Where is it, man? Harry replied 'You see that tree there? I didn't.'

"How long should my essay be?"

Back in high school I was in an english class and a fellow student asked the teacher how long our essays should be.
He responded saying, "As long as a girl's skirt: long enough to cover everything that needs to be covered, but short enough to keep me interested."

A pizza shop owner was found dead covered in pepporoni, mushrooms, ham and pineapple.

Word is...he topped himself.

A couple of jokes on the theme of "How I would like to die"

1) When I die, I want to go peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, not screaming in t**... like his passengers
2) I want to leave this world as I entered it - k**..., screaming, and covered in somebody else's blood

I heard we like Native American jokes.

Two cowboys come upon an Indian lying on his stomach with
his ear to the ground.
One of the cowboys stops and says to the other, "You see
that Indian?"
"Yeah," says the other cowboy.
"Look," says the first one, "he's listening to the ground.
He can hear things for miles in any direction."
Just then the Indian looks up. "Covered wagon," he says,
"about two miles away. Have two horses, one brown, one white.
Man, woman, child, household effects in wagon."
"Incredible!" says the cowboy to his friend. "This Indian
knows how far away they are, how many horses, what color they
are, who is in the wagon, and what is in the wagon. Amazing!"
The Indian looks up and says, "Ran over me about a
half hour ago."

I like my women like I like my drain pipes.

Covered in a thin layer of PVC and attached to a wall.

Whats Kim Kardashian and the Middle East got in common?

Both are covered in oil, huge, and been invaded by the West.

I was watching TV last night...

When an advertisement came on showing one of those African babies covered in flies.I immediately ran for the phone and rang the number that came up on the screen.
"I want one of those", I said,"they work much better than those sticky strips I hang from my ceiling".

LPT Request: My 2 year old son drew in permanent marker all over the walls

So I took a shower earlier today and left my 2 year old son in the living room with the TV on thinking he would be ok. I come out 20 minutes later and he covered the entire living room in green permanent marker that he somehow got a hold of. As you can imagine, I flipped out and immediately ran to the store to buy cleaning supplies. I tried at least five different types, and scrubbed for at least half an hour but the stain was still there. Does anybody have any good methods for getting blood out of the carpet?

I remember not long before grandpa died we covered his back with butter

he went downhill pretty quickly after that.

Being a stripper is like working at McDonald's....

Covered in oil and questioning your choices after high school.

Did you hear about the e**... at the cheese factory?

Apparently people were covered in debris.

A man and his wife are in an art museum and come across....

A portrait of a beautiful woman covered only in leaves. Wife goes to move on to the next exhibit and husband is still there staring at the portrait she asks what are you waiting for?
Husband says... Fall

Now that I'm almost 30, there is nothing more s**... to me, than a girl who is fully covered...

...By her health insurance provider.

I just ate a pizza covered in pepperoni and chillies.

To be honest, I looked pretty ridiculous.

Why did the oil covered seagull get sued?

There can only be one goo gull

A woman in a bikini reveals about 90% of her body

A woman in a bikini reveals about 90% of her body.... and yet most men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.

What do you call a row of trucks covered in mozzarella?

A cheesy pickup line

Three vampires are sitting on the graveyard wall.

Three vampires are sitting on the graveyard wall.
The first says that he is really hungry and flys into the night. After half an hour he returns and his mouth is full of blood. The other two ask him: "where did you get that?" He answers: "Do you see that little light across the hill? It was a little family at a camping trip. Delicious!" 
The second vampire starts in the air and returns 15minutes later, the whole face covered with blood. The others ask jealousy: "Where have you been?" Smiling he answers: "You guys see that group of lights down there? It was a wedding with over 20guests. I don't have to eat for a week!"
Finally the third vampire starts into the dark sky, and returns about five minutes later. His whole body, top to bottom is covered in blood.
Exited the other two ask:"Man where did you go?!" 
"Do you see that tree right there?"
"Well, I didn't"

Mahatma Ghandi never wore shoes...

Gandhi never wore shoes, and so his feet were always covered in loads of callouses and blisters. And because he never ate food, he was always very frail. Furthermore his fasting caused him to have horrible breath. So...
I guess you could say he was a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis

A cardiologist died...

..and was given an elaborate f**.... A huge heart, covered in flowers, stood behind the casket during the service.
Following the eulogy, the heart opened and the casket rolled inside. The beautiful heart then closed, sealing the doctor inside, forever.
At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter. When all eyes stared at him, he said: "I'm sorry. I was just thinking of my own f**.....I'm a gynecologist."
The proctologist fainted.

What's 8 feet tall, covered in fur, and walks around the Himalayas undermining your arguments by attacking your character?

The Adhomineminal Snowman

What's more covered in sweat than a marathon runner at the end of a race?

Josh Duggar at a family reunion.

What do you call a humpless camel covered in plastic?


I like my pillow like.....

I like my pillow, like I like my women.
Lumpy, covered in drool, and can take a punch.

My Girlfriend is always covered in bruises because she doesn't listen..

I'm always like "You're about to run into that lamp!"

There's a central african tribe of pygmy called the ''Fakawi'.

But how did they get this name?..
Their habitat in the jungle is covered with wild grass which is 4 feet high but the pygmies are only 3 feet tall...
Every so often they could be seen jumping up shouting...
''Where the Fakawi?''

As a reward for winning a race, a young stallion was put in a compound with a beautiful female zebra.

As the next day dawned, the keeper ran to see how the stallion had made out and was chagrined to see him leaning up against a tree. His mane was disheveled, his body covered in welts from angry hooves, and he had two giant black eyes. Astounded, the keeper asked what had happened.
The stallion said, "I spent the whole night trying to take off her pajamas."

A man shows up to his psychiatrist completely n**... but covered with saran wrap...

Psychiatrist says, "I can clearly see you're nuts!"

Why are your eyes covered in ketchup?

I'm often asked by people: "Why are your eyes covered in ketchup?"
So I tell them it's because Heinz sight is 20/20.

Art Gallery n**...

A couple at an art gallery see a picture of a n**... woman with only her privates covered with leaves.
The wife doesn't like it and moves on, but the husband keeps looking.
She asks, "What are you waiting for?"
He replies, "Autumn."

Women expose 90% of their body when wearing a bikini

Men are nice enough to only look at the covered parts

Did you know that when a woman wears a bikini, 90% of the body is exposed?

But men are so classy that they only stare at the 10% that's covered

What's green and covered in bacon grease?

Kermit's finger

When women wear a bikini, they expose 90% of their bodies.....

Men are so polite, they only look at the covered parts.

Two Aliens meet at a Bar in Deep Space

Two Aliens meet in a bar in deep space.
**First Alien:** On my way here I passed a beautiful blue world, 2/3 covered by water, The dominant race have discovered Satellite technology and Harnessed the power of nuclear weapons for defense.
**Second Alien:** Interesting, so it looks like we have an emerging intelligence in the Galaxy.
**First Alien:** That is what i thought but then I realized they pointed them at themselves.

The Bikini exposes up to 90% of the female body...

...but men are so classy we only look at the covered 10%

The thought of one of my friends catching me playing with my train set is so embarrassing.

So I covered the set up with bedsheets. Nobody will find out now, my tracks are covered

I was watching tv last night...

and one of those ads came on with one of those little black African babies covered in flies. I immediately grabbed the phone and called the number on the screen. I had to have one, they work so much better than those sticky strips that hang from the ceiling.

So, I was at the UN headquarters...

So, I was at the UN headquarters and I was feeling a bit Hungary, so I was Russian to the kitchen to get a slice of Turkey, but it was covered in Greece. There's Norway I'm eating that, so I got some Chile instead. Something just Francy enough for me.

My local ice cream man was found dead this morning.

He was covered in nuts, sprinkles and raspberry sauce.
Apparently he topped himself.

If a arm covered in tattoos is called a "sleeve", what do you call a full body covered in tattoos?

A mistake.

I covered all my weapons in glue.

I questioned it at first, but I decided to stick to my guns.

What do you call a war hero covered in salt and pepper?

A seasoned veteran.

I like my women like I like my coffee.

Hot, covered in cream, and purchased from a large multinational corporation with a history of exploitation

An Irish man is pulled from a burning bar..

He is completely covered in soot and smells strongly of smoke.
When asked about how the fire started the man says "d**... if I know, the place was in blazes when I got 'ere!"

I was a new Army basic trainee at Fort McClellan, and one requirement was a demanding 12-mile march. We got started at 6 a.m. and were pumped up for the trek.

An hour later, feeling the heavy load of our packs, we wondered if the end would ever come.
"Men," our sergeant yelled, "you're doing a fine job. We've already covered four miles!"
Revitalized, we picked up the pace.
"And," continued Sarge, "we should reach the starting point any minute now."

When your girlfriend comes home in a white suit, smelling of honey and covered in bee stings

You know she's a keeper.

Whenever I tell someone I sleep like a baby they always seem pleased

I should probably find a different metaphor for waking up at 3am screaming, covered in my own u**....

It's a medical miracle

A man is recovering from surgery after a car c**..., and he notices that both his hands are covered in casts. When a nurse comes to check on him, he asks "Will I be able to play piano after this?"
"Yes, the casts should come off in a few weeks, then you should be able to play."
"That's funny, I couldn't play piano before the accident."

A man decided to sunbathe on the beach.

He took all of his clothes off, except that he covered his private parts with a hat to prevent a sunburn. As he's sunbathing, a woman walks past him. She looks at the man and snidely remarks:
"A true gentleman would always tip his hat for a lady."
To which the man replies:
"Ma'am, if you were a true lady, it would tip itself."

How do boats reproduce if they are all girls?

They are covered in s**....


There's a central african tribe of pygmy called the ''Fakawi'.

But how did they get this name?..

Their habitat in the jungle is covered with wild grass which is 4 feet high but the pygmies are only 3 feet tall...

Every so often they could be seen jumping up shouting...

''Where the Fakawi?''

I ate a salad for dinner!

It was mostly tomatoes and croutons.
Really just one, big round crouton covered in tomato sauce.
And cheese.
... I had a pizza.

I'd always dreamed of being in NASA but it wasn't what I'd imagined it would be

For one all the people there were very rude. They kept saying things like "You shouldn't be here," "Oh my," and "I CAN'T CATCH HIM HE'S COVERED IN BABY OIL"

In 8th grade english class I wrote a script titled "The Pun"

The very first set description in the script said that the stage was to be painted over with random words and phrases.
When I handed in the assignment, my teacher came up to me and asked: "Why is your script titled 'The Pun' and why is the floor covered with phrases?"
"Because my script is a play on words!"

The oceans are really polluted nowdays.

Last time I bought sardines, they were dead and covered in oil.

As she lay there in screaming agony...

her body covered in fatal burns, Superman knew this was the first and last time he would try to undress a woman with his eyes.

A Classic joke from India

Ajay comes crying to his father after school. His father noticed he is covered in bruises, just completely beaten black and blue. So he asked his sone what happened. Ajay tells him the teacher pointed pointed a ruler at me and said At the end of this ruler is an idiot.
So His dad said
So I said which side

When wearing a bikini women show 90% of their body.

Men are really polite to only look at the covered parts.

My wife stared at me in disbelief and cried, You're shirtless and also covered in… oil?! I chuckled proudly, Well, you're always saying..."

"...I never glisten!"
She screamed, **"LISTEN!!** You never **listen!!"**

When your date shows up in a white suit that's covered in honey...

You know she's gonna be a keeper.

When my girlfriend came home covered in honey and stings

I knew she was a keeper

A man met a woman at a bar and she invited him home

Once there, they head straight to her bedroom. The guy sees her shelves are covered with stuffed animals. It seems a little weird, but he thinks maybe she didn't get many of them when she was younger, and now she's making up for it. Regardless, they jump in bed together.
After s**..., the guy says "That was amazing. How was it for you?"
She replies "You may have anything from the bottom shelf."

Covered joke, A man met a woman at a bar and she invited him home

jokes about covered