The Best 80 Cover Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Cover jokes. There are some cover psst jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these cover gateau puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 Funniest Cover Jokes and Puns
My girlfriend said, "You act like a detective too much. I want to split up."
"Good idea," I replied. "We can cover more ground that way."
Anyone need a slutty costume for Halloween?
Just dress up as one of my professors, they barely cover anything
A man walks into a bar and sees two pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling...
Confused, he asks the bartender "why do you have meat hanging from your ceiling?" The bartender says "I'm glad you asked, currently we have a challenge going on where if you can jump up and slap both pieces of meat with your hands I'll cover your tab for the whole rest of the night. However, if you attempt to slap the meat and miss, you have to pay for everyone else's drinks in the bar until we close". The bartender looks back at the customer and asks "So what do you say, would you like to give the challenge a shot?" The customer quickly responds with a "No". "Why not?" The bartender asks. The customer replies, "The stakes are too high".
Moses, Jesus and Mohammed were selecting their followers...
Moses looks at all the women from whom to create his chosen people, picks out all of the smart ones and tells them to follow him. Jesus' turn comes, he looks at the remaining group, picks all of the most beautiful ones and tells them to follow him. Mohammed takes a look at the remaining group, sighs and says "cover yourself up"
I was going to cover my bathroom floor with dead baby skin...
My wife told be that would be infant tile.
"How long should my essay be?"
Back in high school I was in an english class and a fellow student asked the teacher how long our essays should be.
He responded saying, "As long as a girl's skirt: long enough to cover everything that needs to be covered, but short enough to keep me interested."
I wish the book "How to be an adult" came in hard cover...
.. it would be that much more effective at bonking stupid people in the head.
When the Saxons landed in England...
...they decided to split up into five groups to cover as much ground as possible.
One group headed West and Wessex was born.
A particularly lazy bunch decided to stay exactly at the meeting point and incorporate Middlesex.
Another went South to form Sussex, which is still exactly where they made it, while yet another formed Essex to the East.
Oh, nearly forgot about the very conservative pack who went North. Nobody heard from them again
A young girl walks in on her dad peeing...
The dad fumbles around trying to cover up. Then the girl says "don't worry dad. I've seen one before. Mommy brushes her teeth with the neighbor's."
I just started a new band called 'Blankets and Duvets'
We've already been called the best cover band of all time
Why do Japanese hate bingo?
They all scramble for cover when you call B-29
You can explore cover conceal reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean cover coverage dad jokes. There are also cover puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
I asked my professor how long my paper should be. He said it should be like a woman's skirt...
Long enough to cover the subject but short enough to be interesting.
My girlfriend said she was sick of me pretending to be a detective...
...and that "we should split up"
"Good idea", I said, "that way we can cover more ground"
Can you cover for me/
I missed my shift.
What do you call it when ISIS soldiers run for cover?
100 meter Daesh
I grew up in a rough part of town...
The local youths used to cover me in chocolate and cream, then put a cherry on my head. Life was tough in the gateau.
My girlfriend told me she's sick of me pretending to be a detective.
Girlfriend: "I'm sick of you pretending you're a detective. I think we should split up."
Me: "Good idea. We can cover more ground that way."
If President Bernie Sanders were to die in office...
And an elaborate homage to Weekend at Bernie's was undertaken to cover up that fact, he'd still have less strings than Hillary Clinton.
A good zinger that my friend carpenter used on a doctor
So this Dr hired my friend (who's a carpenter) to do some work around the house, the doc was curiously looking over my friends shoulder as he was putting a piece of molding to cover his uneven cut. The doc said with a cavalier attitude "that's an easy way to hide your mistakes!" and without thinking, my friend replied "yeah, to hide my mistakes I don't need 6 feet of soil!"
A month before my grandfather died we decided to cover his back in lard.
After that he went downhill very quickly.
A blonde goes to a doctor...
"Doctor, doctor! When I press my body, it hurts!", says the blonde
"Well, could you show me where exactly it hurts?", the doctor replied.
She then procceeds to press some spots, an "ow" with every press. The doctor then gives her a band-aid.
"What am I going to do with a single band-aid?", asks the blonde.
"Cover up the cut in your finger."
What's the difference between a naked white woman and a naked black woman
One is on the cover of playboy while the other is on the cover of national geographic
Today I was approached by Beyonce
Today I was approached by Beyonce who had just finished setting up at the studio. She said to me, "Excuse me hon. You haven't seen my phone have you? It's pink with a 'Bubblicious' cover on it."
I said, "No, sorry. Have you tried calling it?"
She said, "No. I put it on silent."
I said, "If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it."
Mini-Skirt Speech
My speech today will be like a mini-skirt. Long enough to cover the essentials but short enough to hold your attention!
After years of poor yields, Old McDonald will have to sell his farm...
... to cover what he e-i-e-i owes.
Bacon tree
Two soldiers are sat on top of a hill looking for targets. One says to the other
"Hey bob, is that...is that a bacon tree?"
"I don't know Jim, go have a look while I stay here and cover our backs"
Jim goes for a closer look and Bob stays on the hill eating his lunch. After a while Jim returns with about ten arrows in his chest.
"My god what happened? Was it a bacon tree?"
"No Bob, turned out to be a ham bush"
Why can't a Samsung be disguised as an iPhone?
Because eventually, its cover would be blown.
A police officer accidentally arrested a judge who was dressed like a convict for a costume party.
He quickly learned to never book a judge by their cover
What do you call a police officer that doesn't get out of bed?
An under cover cop.
My girlfriend is getting bored of my obsession with pretending to be a detective, she's suggested we should split up.
It's a good idea, we'll cover more ground that way.
How do you cover 18 holes with one hole?
Have your mom sit down on a golf course.
An English class is writing an essay
One of the students asks how long the essay should be.
The teacher responds, "Like a skirt. Long enough to cover the subject, but short enough to keep me interested".
Playboy returns to cover completely naked pictures of girls.
Trump is in office less than a month, and already makes America great again.
How do you cover a doctor's mistake?
With soil.
How can you tell when a feminist is about to say something smart?
It's always preceeded by "A man once told me..."
/me ducks and runs for cover. :D
Happy Feminists Day! :)
A conspiracy theorist dies and goes to heaven
The first thing he does is ask God, "Who really killed JFK?"
To which God replies, "It was Lee Harvey Oswald. He acted alone."
The conspiracy theorists thinks to him self for a moment then says, "This cover up of the truth goes even further than I thought!"
An essay should be like a skirt.
Long enough to cover everything but short enough to keep your attention.
How do you trap an elephant?
Well first you dig a really big hole. Then put dry leaves and wood in the hole and light them on fire. Wait for the fire to go out. Then cover the hole with leaves and wait for the elephant to walk by it.
Then, sneak up behind the elephant, and when it least expects it, kick it in the ash hole
I need to put my phone in a cover
Just in case
Do you know any jokes?
**Her:** "Do you know any jokes?"
**Me:** "No."
**Her:** "I'll teach you one."
"Knock! Knock!"
**Me:** "Who's there?"
**Her:** "Ash."
"Now ask, Ash: who?"
**Me:** "Ash: who?"
**Her:** "Please cover your mouth when you sneeze."
**Me: rekt**
There was three pilots...
Three WW2 pilots were shot down behind enemy lines and captured. They were sent to a POW camp to be executed. They were lined up and the firing squad said "Ready, aim" and then the first pilot screamd
"Tornado" then the soldiers ran for cover. When thay found no tornado they lined back up.
"Ready aim" Then the second screeched "Bombing run" then the soldiers ran for cover. They then lined up again. "Ready aim" Then the third pilot knew what to do and screamed "FIRE".
A man is stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington DC.
The traffic is stopped for miles ahead.
Another man walks up next to him and says, "Sir, terrorists have kidnapped every member of congress. If they don't get $100,000,000 in ransom, they will to cover them in gasoline and burn them. I'm here to collect donations."
The man asks, "how much do most people donate?"
"About a gallon."
I covered all my weapons in glue.
I questioned it at first, but I decided to stick to my guns.
The magic word
Daughter: Dad, do I get a new Iphone?
Dad: What's the magic word?
Daughter: Larissa!
Dad: Larissa??
Daughter: yes, your affair!
Dad: Do you want a cover with your Iphone too?
A blind guy rang my door bell...
When I opened the door he told me, "You should really cover your windows up," and handed me a business card.
You can't judge a book by its cover
Now you can't even assume it's a book
I managed to lose my rifle when I was in the army.
I had to pay $855 to cover the loss. I'm starting to understand why a Navy captain always goes down with his ship.
My girlfriend said she's fed up with me always pretending I'm a detective, and that we should split up...
I told her that's great, we can cover more ground that way.
A girl walks in on his parents doin' it...
The parents freak out and try to cover themselves.
The girl asks, Mommy, what are you guys doing?
The mom says, Your dad and I are making cakes.
The girl shrugs and goes back to her room.
*a week later
The girl asks her mom, Mommy, were you and daddy making cakes again in the living room?
The mother replies Yes we were.
The girl says. Oh cool because I just licked the frosting off the couch.
I murdered the pizza delivery man for messing up my order and had to cover it up.
I ordered another pizza to calm my nerves and the second delivery man noticed the body, so I had to kill him too. Now I feel even more nervous so I ordered yet another pizza. I think it's starting to become a domino effect.
My dad once told me that essays are like bikinis ...
Big enough to cover the subject, but small enough to keep it interesting.
I hate people who don't cover their noses and mouths when they sneeze.
They make me sick.
I was so embarrassed when my wife found me playing with my son's train set that I threw a blanket over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
Without a mask on, I shopped at a store that had a strict mask policy.
Before leaving, I asked the security guard why he let me shop without a cover and he said that Halloween masks are acceptable too. :\_(
A man, his wife and his friend just finished diner
"It was absolutely delicious, honey! Thank you so much, princess." says the man to his wife in the kitchen. "Could you please fetch us two beers later, baby?"
His friend says: "It is very cute that you still have nicknames for her after so long time."
The man responds: "Well, I forgot her name like three years ago, so I give her nicknames to cover it up. But seriously don't tell her, amigo!"
When I was 6 I found out I had a life threathening disease. I had to cover myself in urine once a day to stay alive
I am just lucky my brother told me about it
What does a CIA Agent do when it's time for bed?
He Goes Under Cover.
I was so embarrassed that my wife caught me playing with my son's train set that I threw the bedsheet over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
A good speech should be like a woman's skirt;
long enough to cover the subject and short enough to create interest.
Recently joined a Styx cover band
We play the same songs, but heavier. We're called Logz.
Back in my day, you would cough to cover up a fart.
Now, with COVID-19, you fart to cover up a cough.
Only a bank ATM will charge you $3 to get your money back
Then tell you to cover your pin so you don't get robbed.
Why doesn't James Bond fart in bed?
It would blow his cover!
It's a miracle
A devout old shepherd lost his favorite Bible while he was out looking for a wayward lamb. Three weeks later, a sheep walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The shepherd couldn't believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the sheep's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, It's a miracle!
Not really, said the sheep. Your name is written inside the cover.
My wife says we should split up because I keep pretending I'm a detective
I said good idea, we can cover more ground that way
My wife is pissed off at me...
She told me how unhappy she is with her c-section scar and I tried to comfort her. Apparently "honey, don't worry, your tits will cover it up" was not the right answer.
A zookeeper loses his Bible while at work...
... A week later when he's feeding the penguins one of them waddles up to him holding his Bible in its beak.
"Praise God, it's a miracle!" says the delighted zookeeper.
"Not really," says the penguin, "Your name is written on the inside cover."
Why Do Ducks Have Tails
To Cover Their Butt Quack
A good conversation is like a miniskirt…
Short enough to retain interest, but long enough to cover the subject.
Cr
My GF said she was fed up with me acting like a detective.She wanted to split up.
I said,Good Idea,That way we can cover more ground!
In 2019, we coughed to cover up a fart.
In 2021, we fart to cover up a cough.
When he was a teenager, little Johnny's father caught him reading one of his older sister's magazines. Son, why are you reading that sissy magazine? he asked.
There's an article that tells women where to meet men, Johnny responded, pointing to the magazine's cover. I need to know where I'm supposed to be.
I'm in a Sublime cover band
I actually DO have to practice Santeria
Why do ducks have feathers?
To cover their butt quacks.
.....I'll gather your upvotes and see my way out.
Time magazine just contracted me to row a boat for their next cover photo.
I'm Time's new Row-man
Why do ducks have tailfeathers?
To cover their buttquack.
What was the Mexican Aerosmith cover band's favorite song to play?
Guac this way.
Why doesn't James Bond fart in bed ?
Because, it would blow his cover.
Why did the boxer cover up his battle scar?
He didn't want to reveal the punchline.
Saw some workers on my street replacing a storm drain cover and decided to offer them some words of encouragement:
You guys are doing a grate job.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the cover vandals jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working cover coverup piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.