Cover Jokes

Following is our collection of conceal puns and psst one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Cover jokes for adults, dirty coverage jokes and clean gateau dad gags for kids.

The Best Cover Puns

My girlfriend said, "You act like a detective too much. I want to split up."

"Good idea," I replied. "We can cover more ground that way."

Anyone need a slutty costume for Halloween?

Just dress up as one of my professors, they barely cover anything

Do you know any jokes?

**Her:** "Do you know any jokes?"

**Me:** "No."

**Her:** "I'll teach you one."


"Knock! Knock!"

**Me:** "Who's there?"

**Her:** "Ash."


"Now ask, Ash: who?"

**Me:** "Ash: who?"

**Her:** "Please cover your mouth when you sneeze."

**Me: rekt**

An essay should be like a skirt.

Long enough to cover everything but short enough to keep your attention.

My girlfriend told me she's sick of me pretending to be a detective.

Girlfriend: "I'm sick of you pretending you're a detective. I think we should split up."

Me: "Good idea. We can cover more ground that way."


A police officer accidentally arrested a judge who was dressed like a convict for a costume party.

He quickly learned to never book a judge by their cover

My girlfriend said she was sick of me pretending to be a detective...

...and that "we should split up"

"Good idea", I said, "that way we can cover more ground"

Why can't a Samsung be disguised as an iPhone?

Because eventually, its cover would be blown.

When I was 6 I found out I had a life threathening disease. I had to cover myself in urine once a day to stay alive

I am just lucky my brother told me about it

My girlfriend said she's fed up with me always pretending I'm a detective, and that we should split up...

I told her that's great, we can cover more ground that way.

A good zinger that my friend carpenter used on a doctor

So this Dr hired my friend (who's a carpenter) to do some work around the house, the doc was curiously looking over my friends shoulder as he was putting a piece of molding to cover his uneven cut. The doc said with a cavalier attitude "that's an easy way to hide your mistakes!" and without thinking, my friend replied "yeah, to hide my mistakes I don't need 6 feet of soil!"


A man is stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington DC.

The traffic is stopped for miles ahead.
Another man walks up next to him and says, "Sir, terrorists have kidnapped every member of congress. If they don't get $100,000,000 in ransom, they will to cover them in gasoline and burn them. I'm here to collect donations."
The man asks, "how much do most people donate?"
"About a gallon."

I was so embarrassed when my wife found me playing with my son's train set that I threw a blanket over it.

I think I managed to cover my tracks.

Without a mask on, I shopped at a store that had a strict mask policy.

Before leaving, I asked the security guard why he let me shop without a cover and he said that Halloween masks are acceptable too. :\_(

I covered all my weapons in glue.

I questioned it at first, but I decided to stick to my guns.

After years of poor yields, Old McDonald will have to sell his farm...

... to cover what he e-i-e-i owes.

A blind guy rang my door bell...

When I opened the door he told me, "You should really cover your windows up," and handed me a business card.

What do you call it when ISIS soldiers run for cover?

100 meter Daesh

"How long should my essay be?"

Back in high school I was in an english class and a fellow student asked the teacher how long our essays should be.

He responded saying, "As long as a girl's skirt: long enough to cover everything that needs to be covered, but short enough to keep me interested."


I asked my professor how long my paper should be. He said it should be like a woman's skirt...

Long enough to cover the subject but short enough to be interesting.

I was going to cover my bathroom floor with dead baby skin...

My wife told be that would be infant tile.

How do you cover 18 holes with one hole?

Have your mom sit down on a golf course.

I grew up in a rough part of town...

The local youths used to cover me in chocolate and cream, then put a cherry on my head. Life was tough in the gateau.

I murdered the pizza delivery man for messing up my order and had to cover it up.

I ordered another pizza to calm my nerves and the second delivery man noticed the body, so I had to kill him too. Now I feel even more nervous so I ordered yet another pizza. I think it's starting to become a domino effect.

Mini-Skirt Speech

My speech today will be like a mini-skirt. Long enough to cover the essentials but short enough to hold your attention!

What do you call a police officer that doesn't get out of bed?

An under cover cop.

My dad once told me that essays are like bikinis ...

Big enough to cover the subject, but small enough to keep it interesting.

How do you trap an elephant?

Well first you dig a really big hole. Then put dry leaves and wood in the hole and light them on fire. Wait for the fire to go out. Then cover the hole with leaves and wait for the elephant to walk by it.
Then, sneak up behind the elephant, and when it least expects it, kick it in the ash hole

I managed to lose my rifle when I was in the army.

I had to pay $855 to cover the loss. I'm starting to understand why a Navy captain always goes down with his ship.

An English class is writing an essay

One of the students asks how long the essay should be.
The teacher responds, "Like a skirt. Long enough to cover the subject, but short enough to keep me interested".

A man, his wife and his friend just finished diner

"It was absolutely delicious, honey! Thank you so much, princess." says the man to his wife in the kitchen. "Could you please fetch us two beers later, baby?"

His friend says: "It is very cute that you still have nicknames for her after so long time."

The man responds: "Well, I forgot her name like three years ago, so I give her nicknames to cover it up. But seriously don't tell her, amigo!"

If President Bernie Sanders were to die in office...

And an elaborate homage to Weekend at Bernie's was undertaken to cover up that fact, he'd still have less strings than Hillary Clinton.

What's the difference between a naked white woman and a naked black woman

One is on the cover of playboy while the other is on the cover of national geographic

A blonde goes to a doctor...

"Doctor, doctor! When I press my body, it hurts!", says the blonde

"Well, could you show me where exactly it hurts?", the doctor replied.

She then procceeds to press some spots, an "ow" with every press. The doctor then gives her a band-aid.

"What am I going to do with a single band-aid?", asks the blonde.

"Cover up the cut in your finger."

Today I was approached by Beyonce

Today I was approached by Beyonce who had just finished setting up at the studio. She said to me, "Excuse me hon. You haven't seen my phone have you? It's pink with a 'Bubblicious' cover on it."

I said, "No, sorry. Have you tried calling it?"

She said, "No. I put it on silent."

I said, "If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it."

A man walks into a bar and sees two pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling...

Confused, he asks the bartender "why do you have meat hanging from your ceiling?" The bartender says "I'm glad you asked, currently we have a challenge going on where if you can jump up and slap both pieces of meat with your hands I'll cover your tab for the whole rest of the night. However, if you attempt to slap the meat and miss, you have to pay for everyone else's drinks in the bar until we close". The bartender looks back at the customer and asks "So what do you say, would you like to give the challenge a shot?" The customer quickly responds with a "No". "Why not?" The bartender asks. The customer replies, "The stakes are too high".

How can you tell when a feminist is about to say something smart?

It's always preceeded by "A man once told me..."

/me ducks and runs for cover. :D

Happy Feminists Day! :)

A young girl walks in on her dad peeing...

The dad fumbles around trying to cover up. Then the girl says "don't worry dad. I've seen one before. Mommy brushes her teeth with the neighbor's."

A conspiracy theorist dies and goes to heaven

The first thing he does is ask God, "Who really killed JFK?"

To which God replies, "It was Lee Harvey Oswald. He acted alone."

The conspiracy theorists thinks to him self for a moment then says, "This cover up of the truth goes even further than I thought!"

Moses, Jesus and Mohammed were selecting their followers...

Moses looks at all the women from whom to create his chosen people, picks out all of the smart ones and tells them to follow him. Jesus' turn comes, he looks at the remaining group, picks all of the most beautiful ones and tells them to follow him. Mohammed takes a look at the remaining group, sighs and says "cover yourself up"

My girlfriend is getting bored of my obsession with pretending to be a detective, she's suggested we should split up.

It's a good idea, we'll cover more ground that way.

How do you cover a doctor's mistake?

With soil.

You can't judge a book by its cover

Now you can't even assume it's a book

A month before my grandfather died we decided to cover his back in lard.

After that he went downhill very quickly.

I just started a new band called 'Blankets and Duvets'

We've already been called the best cover band of all time

Why do Japanese hate bingo?

They all scramble for cover when you call B-29

I hate people who don't cover their noses and mouths when they sneeze.

They make me sick.

Bacon tree

Two soldiers are sat on top of a hill looking for targets. One says to the other

"Hey bob, is that...is that a bacon tree?"

"I don't know Jim, go have a look while I stay here and cover our backs"

Jim goes for a closer look and Bob stays on the hill eating his lunch. After a while Jim returns with about ten arrows in his chest.

"My god what happened? Was it a bacon tree?"

"No Bob, turned out to be a ham bush"

The magic word

Daughter: Dad, do I get a new Iphone?
Dad: What's the magic word?
Daughter: Larissa!
Dad: Larissa??
Daughter: yes, your affair!
Dad: Do you want a cover with your Iphone too?

I need to put my phone in a cover

Just in case

A girl walks in on his parents doin' it...

The parents freak out and try to cover themselves.

The girl asks, Mommy, what are you guys doing?

The mom says, Your dad and I are making cakes.

The girl shrugs and goes back to her room.

*a week later

The girl asks her mom, Mommy, were you and daddy making cakes again in the living room?

The mother replies Yes we were.

The girl says. Oh cool because I just licked the frosting off the couch.

There was three pilots...

Three WW2 pilots were shot down behind enemy lines and captured. They were sent to a POW camp to be executed. They were lined up and the firing squad said "Ready, aim" and then the first pilot screamd
"Tornado" then the soldiers ran for cover. When thay found no tornado they lined back up.
"Ready aim" Then the second screeched "Bombing run" then the soldiers ran for cover. They then lined up again. "Ready aim" Then the third pilot knew what to do and screamed "FIRE".

Playboy returns to cover completely naked pictures of girls.

Trump is in office less than a month, and already makes America great again.

When the Saxons landed in England...

...they decided to split up into five groups to cover as much ground as possible.

One group headed West and Wessex was born.

A particularly lazy bunch decided to stay exactly at the meeting point and incorporate Middlesex.

Another went South to form Sussex, which is still exactly where they made it, while yet another formed Essex to the East.

Oh, nearly forgot about the very conservative pack who went North. Nobody heard from them again

Can you cover for me/

I missed my shift.

I'm in a band called 'Duvet'

We're a cover band.

A wife is getting fed up with her husband always acting like a detective.

They get into a huge fight about it and she finally says I think we need to split up

The husband replies That's a great idea we can cover more ground that way

(Sorry if this has been posted before I only heard it today)

Why did the biology magazine put a picture of gametes on their cover?

Because sex cells.

If you worked for a tarp company

your unveiling would be a cover up.

Logic

Three professors visit a nudist beach, and strip off. After some time they notice the Dean and his wife approaching. Two of the professors immediately cover their private parts with towels, but the professor of logic covers his face. When asked why, he says "My face is the way that I am usually recognised".

Artists cover their mistakes with paint, chefs cover their mistakes with sauce. How do doctors cover their mistakes?

With dirt.

An essay is like a girl's skirt...

It should be long enough to cover the important parts, but short enough to still be interesting.

When does the moon cover the thun?

During a solar eclisp

What's more covered in sweat than a marathon runner at the end of a race?

Josh Duggar at a family reunion.

Your essays should be like a girls skirt

Long enough to cover the subject, short enough to keep it interesting and on the desk by Friday midnight.

Man runs over a skunk...

His wife yells at him to drive back to see if it's still alive...
So they drive back and truly, the skunk was still breathing, so the wife wants to take it to the vet. So she takes it to the car and asks her husband: "Where should I put it?"
The husband says: "I don't know... just hold it between your legs?"
Wife: "OK... but... what about the stench?"
Husband: "Oh, the stench?? Well, just cover it's snout..."

I wish the book "How to be an adult" came in hard cover...

.. it would be that much more effective at bonking stupid people in the head.

When I lived in Rome I started a Blink-182 cover band...

We called it Blink-CLXXXII

I heard that Sean Connery likes to cover his food in herbs.

But only partially.

My cousin was planning to take an Uber home, but then his phone died.

For lack of a better option, he took out the amount of cash that he thought would cover the cost plus tip, and he asked a stranger, "If I pay you this cash, would you call me an Uber?". The stranger nodded, took the cash, said "You're an Uber!" and walked away.

Why is it so hard to find the world's best tribute band?

Because they cover their tracks so well

My dog used to love playing catch, but he hasn't been the same since his lost his favorite ball

I was running low on cash so only I had enough money to cover 50% of his neutering procedure.

My girlfriend likes to tie me to the bed and cover me in chocolate and caramel

She's a dominatwix

How do you put spaghetti to sleep?

You cover it in peanut butter until it dies.


My 4 year old made that up, along with a few others. Not sure how I feel about this.

There is an abundance of vandals jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 74 funniest jokes and cover puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any coverup witze you can hear about cover.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes