Cousins Day Jokes
28 cousins day jokes and hilarious cousins day puns to laugh out loud. Read holiday jokes about cousins day that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Cousins Day Short Jokes
Short cousins day jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The cousins day humour may include short cousins jokes also.
- What does the cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend Flush
I heard this from my 11 year old cousin, the look on his mom's face after he told me this made my day. - I can't see how this day could get any worse. First, my baby cousin went missing... And now my pet snake has a huge tumor
- So I banged my 3rd cousin the other day I'm really surprised how I even managed to bang more than two of my cousins
- OCD My little cousin has been diagnosed with an unusual case of OCD where all he does all day is organise dinner plates by the year they were made,
It's an extremely rare dish-order........ - My cousin died just six days before my birthday Which of course made me extremely upset when my birthday came around, because I now had nothing to wish for.
- So my cousin came up to me the other day and told me he has diabetes. I asked him how in the world that could happen to him.
He replied, "Easy, it was a piece of cake." - My 13 year old cousin has just started taking h**... Actually amazing.
Kids. They shoot up so fast these days. - The leader of ISIS's younger cousin was involved in a s**... b**.... They blow up so fast these days.
- I heard Al-Baghdadi's younger cousin was used as a s**... bomber. They just blow up so fast these days.
Share These Cousins Day Jokes With Friends
Cousins Day One Liners
Which cousins day one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with cousins day? I can suggest the ones about brothers day and family day.
- My cousin is most likely going to give birth tomorrow. I guess it really is Labor Day.
- The other day I had s**... with my third cousin. She was way better than the other two.
Cousins Day Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about cousins day you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean married cousin jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make cousins day pranks.
So my cousin s**... up bigtime
My cousin has two tickets for the 2017 SUPER BOWL, both box seats. He paid $2,500 each ticket, but he didn't realize last year when he bought them, it was going to be on the same day as his wedding.
If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place... It's at St. Joseph Church, in Warwick, RI at 3 p.m. Her name is Amanda. She's 5'2, about 130 lbs. She's a good cook, too. She'll be the one in the white dress.
A lot of guys struggle to add muscle
Take my cousin, for example. He has a very strict diet and always sticks to his regimen. He never skips a day. The dude is still a skeleton, basically. Some people just struggle to add weight. Granted, his regimen mostly includes h**..., but still.
Positivity
Was discussing the power of positivity with family members. Told them I could turn any situation into a positive one.
About a month later one of our cousins passed. He was a very heavy drinker & s**.... At the f**... another cousin came up to a group of us talking & said let's see you turn THIS into a positive. I thought for a minute…and realized our cousin was being cremated. That's when it hit me. I told the group, the good news is he quit drinking, and a few days from now when the flames die down, he'll have quit smoking too.
My cousin has 2 tickets for the super bowl and paid $2500 for each ticket.
he didnt realize last year it was going to be the day of his wedding.
If interested he is looking for someone to take his place.
Her name is Lisa Phillips 35, about 140lbs, a good cook, She'll be in white
One day, when he was visiting family, Sleezy Steve happened to notice his cousin had become very attractive..
Steve: Hey cuz! Wanna play r**... family reunion?
Cousin: What?! No!
Steve: That's the spirit.
A joke my cousin sister told me when I was 9.
For 12 years Maya was the only child. She was coddled and adored by her mom and dad who gave her all the attention. So when her little sister was born, and she began to recieve less attention, she grew resentful.
She hated her little baby sister and wanted her dead. So while watching her mother breast-feed the baby, she hatched a plan.
That night, while her parents slept, she sneaked into their room and rubbed poison on her mother's n**....
When she woke the next day, she found out her dad had died.
A cop pulls over a car...
Officer: Good evening, our squad decided to reward the best driver we saw all day, so congratulations you just earned 200 dollars. What will you do with the money?
Driver: Get my drivers license.
Officer: Wait, what?
Wife: He's only driving well because he's drunk.
Officer: W-what?
Son: Dad, are this the people that you call pigs all the time?
Officer: WHAT?
Mother in law: The car isn't even his.
Officer: WHAT IS HAPPENING?
Cousins in the trunk: Are we at the boarder yet?
Officer: WHAT THE FU-
Two old friends
Two old friends meet passing on the street one day. But one seemed hopeless, and almost on the verge of tears.
His friend asked, "What has the world done to you?"
The sad man said, "Let me tell you. Three weeks ago, an uncle died and left me forty thousand dollars."
"That's not bad."
"But you see, two weeks ago, a cousin I never even knew kicked the bucket, and left me eighty-five thousand free and clear."
"Sounds like you should be grateful..."
"You don't understand!" he interrupted. "Last week my great-aunt passed away. I inherited almost a quarter of a million."
Now the friend was really confused. "Then, why are you so sad?"
"This week... nothing!
A messy divorce ends with deciding who gets custody of Billy
The judge asks Billy Who do you want to stay with?
Billy replies Neither of my parents because they both beat me every day
The courthouse is in shock and both parents are clearly embarrassed, so the judge proclaims Well you can stay with your aunt then.
Billy says again No she beats me too, and my older cousin and my grandparents, they all beat me!
The judge thinks over with his advisors and they decide that he should be taken care of by the Cleveland Browns, because they can't beat anyone.
A priest and a nun were visiting from Ireland to New York City one day...
And heard that in the US they eat dogs. The two decided that "when in Rome", so they took it upon themselves to find this cousine to sample. They were strolling through central park and heard someone yelling " dogs here, get yer dogs!" And found a hot dog cart vendor. They both ordered one each and sat down at a park bench to eat them. The nun unwrapped her dog first and took a look, then turned to the priest and asked, "which part of the dog did you get?"
A man goes away for his vacation...
A man goes on vacation and leaves his cousin in charge of the house. One day he calls his cousin to ask how everyone is doing...his cousin says that everyone is fine but the cat died. The man clearly upset tells him "why did you tell me that! you ruined the rest of my vacation...you should've said something like the cat is on the roof!"
2 years later he goes on vacation again on when he calls his cousin to know how everyone is doing he tells him "everybody is fine but your mom is on the roof!"
A joke about black aviation.
So my cousin is in aviation school. He decided to learn how to fly so he can propose to his fiance. Anyway almost all of the other students in his class are black people. Nothing wrong with that, it was just weird because it's in an area with very few african americans. So it's weird to see that many, like 20 in one place. Anyway, My cousin was really struggling with several key things in flight, and so he asks the best in the class, who happens to be black, if he will offer his help. They both practice together for a couple of days until my cousin finally gets the whole thing down. Eventually the test day roles around and he is really nervous, so with the test, he asks the instructor if his black friend helping him could lend moral support by flying at the same time. The instructor agrees, and they take the test. So in the end, my cousin lands the plane at the same time as the black man, and they both run and high-five each other. The instructor informs my cousin that he got top marks. He had passed with flying colors.
The Wasp
There once was a wasp, he wasn't very happy with his life in the hive. One day he decided to go back to high school. After his senior year he graduated with flying colours, a 4.0 GPA, honours with distinction and 4 scholarships. After high school he applies to Harvard. Of course, he gets accepted and breezes through, finishing with 5 phDs. He then decides he wants to go into politics. He starts out municipally and then onto state government, until he finally decides to run for President of the United States. He wins in a landslide, he was so popular that it was rumoured the opposition even voted for him. After his 8 years in office (yes, he got reelected) he remembers all the other wasps he left behind in the hive. He goes back to visit them. He sees his mother, his father, his auntie, his uncle, his brothers, his sisters, his cousins, and his one in-bred half brother on his dads side. When he is there he gets thirsty, he goes to the watering hole but there is a gigantic line, he estimates that it would take him 3 days to get a drink. "No point in waiting that long." He said. Then he made his way to the cider, but there is an even longer line there. Suddenly, he remembers that almost no one drinks punch in his hive. He makes his way over to the punch bowl, and guess what? There is no punchline.
A man was asked by his cousin to come with him to his hunting lodge...
With them was the cousin's hunting friends. As it was raining the first day, and since none of them didn't feel like spending a whole day out in the wet, they decided to stay inside.
After a while the man got bored and asked his cousin if they couldn't do anything.
The cousin said: "Well, we could tell each other jokes. I'll start."
The cousin thought for a moment and then said "27". And all the other hunters started to laugh.
" Why does everyone laugh? You just said a number."
His cousin explained that since they had heard all these stories a hundred times, they had given them numbers to make them easier to tell. The man thought this was a bit wierd, but he thought why not.
The "storytelling" went on for a while until finally a hunter said a number and the rest started laughing more than before.
The man looked up and asked why this was so funny. The cousin replied, "Oh, we haven't heard this one before."
I went for a walk through Memory Lane today.
I found some boxes in my closet. In it were old family relics. My great-great grandfather's World War One helmet was the first thing I saw. There was also my grandmother's surgical gear when she was a nurse in the local hospital, and countless heirlooms I can't possibly list all of which.
Then, I got to the one that sparked the most memories: My grandfather's collecting hobby.
Every day since January 1st, 1949, he collected ties with funny designs and wore them to work. Some had cats, or snakes or airplanes. He had close to 100 by the time he died several years ago. I remember as a kid how much I loved them, he had stories of what happened to him while.he wore those ties. He had an awesome memory and was good at telling stories.
When he passed, he left them to me. I couldn't keep all 100, and I also gave some to my cousins, but I decided to keep the ties that were his absolute favorites: his chicken pattern ties.
One day, he wore his first chicken tie when he met my grandmother. From then, he collected more chicken ties to remind him of her. I wear them every now and again, as well.
Thanks for reading this. I like to talk about them, but all my friends act weird when I tell them about my granddad's Hen Tie collection.
