Cous Jokes

Following is our collection of sister puns and sibling one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Cous jokes for adults, dirty man jokes and clean peak dad gags for kids.

The Best Cous Puns

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Me: Why?
Him: To get to the stupid persons house.
Me: *voluntary laugh as older cousin*
Him: Knock knock.
Me: Who's there?
Him: It's the chicken!

My cousin is so poor....

that when she couldn't afford pay the Catholic church for her exorcism, they repossessed her.

His cousin

A Russian, visiting the USA, went for an eye check up.

The Doctor shows the letters on the board: CZWXNQSTAZKY

Doctor: Can you read this ?

Russian: Read ??? I even know the guy, he's my cousin.

My little cousin was showing off that he sleeps in a race car bed

Jokes on him I sleep in a real car

My cousin thinks he's cool because he sleeps in a race car bed.

Little does he know I sleep in an actual car.

So my cousin screwed up bigtime

My cousin has two tickets for the 2017 SUPER BOWL, both box seats. He paid $2,500 each ticket, but he didn't realize last year when he bought them, it was going to be on the same day as his wedding.

If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place... It's at St. Joseph Church, in Warwick, RI at 3 p.m. Her name is Amanda. She's 5'2, about 130 lbs. She's a good cook, too. She'll be the one in the white dress.

My cousin couldn't pay the church for her exorcism

So they repossessed her.

My mom's cousin just had quintuplets!

Looks like I'll have five second-cousins. Too bad she's an anti-vaxxer, they might turn out to be five-second cousins.

Who is Dumbledore's cousin?


My cousin recently had an operation to become a goose

He's transgander.

My cousin was planning to take an Uber home, but then his phone died.

For lack of a better option, he took out the amount of cash that he thought would cover the cost plus tip, and he asked a stranger, "If I pay you this cash, would you call me an Uber?". The stranger nodded, took the cash, said "You're an Uber!" and walked away.

My cousins zodiac sign was cancer. Kinda ironic how she died.

She got eaten by a giant crab.

My cousins asked me to sponsor them in a charity race.

Boy did they give me a run for my money.

My cousin recently had her baby aborted.

Such a shame, could have met my future first cousin once removed.

So my cousin has bieber fever...

Or as it's medically known, Down Syndrome.

My cousin thinks it's illegal to have sex with someone who digs for coal.

She says it's against the law to be with a miner.

My Cousin always brags about getting to sleep in a race-car bed

Joke's on him. I sleep in a real car!

My cousin eats only Indian bread because his friends do.

He's a naan-conformist.

My cousin decided to try parkour, so he jumped off a single floor hotel. Anyway, to make a long story short

would've helped. Funeral's Thursday.

My cousin was going to get a heart transplant

But then he had a change of heart.

My little cousin dropped this one on me:

Me: Wow, you must've grown a foot since the last time I saw you!

Cosin: Nope, still have two!

3 cousins are together talking about their names. The first, a raven haired beauty, says "when my mother was pregnant a rose fell from a bush and landed on her stomach so she named me Rose".

The second, a beautiful blonde, says, "when my mother was pregnant a violet landed on her stomach, so she named me Violet".
She turns to the 3rd cousin, a small crippled girl in a wheelchair, "how did u get your name, Piano??".

My cousin said he has brain cancer...

I guess you can say it's all in his head

My cousin, who's a karate expert, joined the Army.

First time he saluted he nearly killed himself.

My cousin from the south said we should kill every Muslim who owns a lama.

I think he is lamaphobe.

My cousin has 2 tickets for the super bowl and paid $2500 for each ticket.

he didnt realize last year it was going to be the day of his wedding.

If interested he is looking for someone to take his place.

Her name is Lisa Phillips 35, about 140lbs, a good cook, She'll be in white

My cousin died just six days before my birthday

Which of course made me extremely upset when my birthday came around, because I now had nothing to wish for.

My cousin only breathed helium when he was born

He has Up Syndrome.

My cousin was born without eye lids

My cousin was born without eye lids so when they circimsised him they used his foreskin to graft eyelids for him. The surgery went fine but he's a little cockeyed now.

My cousin was late for her cosmetology test.

She had to take a makeup exam.

My cousin was hospitalized for 3 months after a freak accident at a spaghetti factory..

Unfortunately, he pasta way

My cousin was one of the most ambitious people I ever knew. Unfortunately, he struggled with depression. His life motto?

"Gosh darn it, I'm going to kill myself, or die trying!"

My cousin has 9 fingers.

That's odd.

My cousin was born with a silver spoon in her mouth.

Unfortunately, she died from asphyxiation almost immediately.

What do two cousins say after they have sex?

Roll Tide.

My cousin likes to eat cereal with water instead of milk

He says he does it to drown the cornflakes because he is a cereal killer.

My cousin got sent to jail

It was our nap time and he was resisting a-rest

My cousin told me she choked on a mozzarella stick at a local restaurant, and I laughed so hard I cried.

The choking wasn't her biggest problem considering it was a Mexican restaurant...

My cousin jumped off a hospital.

His summer was crappy. But he had a great fall.

My cousins name is Justin Case

To avoid any misunderstanding, I'll save him on my mobile properly, just in case...

My cousin is a hydro-technician.

Cleaning those golf carts gives him a lot of time to come up with better job titles.

My cousin has a masturbation problem...

It's getting out of hand

A man's cousin and wife died.

He will miss her.

Where do cousins come from?

Aunt holes.

My cousin is a total audiophile...

He came as soon as he heard

My cousin might be convinced he's a horse.

But every time I ask him about it, he just responds, "Nay."

What do my cousin and my school have in common?

I wanna shoot kids inside them.

cousin: *hanging pictures in the other room* "Come in here and give me your opinion about something"

Me: \*walks into room\* "Donald Trump is a dickweed"

My cousin used to work at a prison's cafeteria

The work was grueling

My cousin told me that she was pregnant, and i was the father.

I responded unusual boast, but acceptable

My cousin found a different job and doubled her salary!

She went from being in poverty to being poor.

Where do cousins come from?


There is an abundance of brother jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 52 funniest jokes and cous puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any neice witze you can hear about cous.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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