Courtroom Jokes
56 courtroom jokes and hilarious courtroom puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about courtroom that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funny, laugh-worthy and sometimes inappropriate, courtroom jokes are a unique form of humor best enjoyed by those with a legal background. From the worst courtroom scenarios ever, to silly jokes about lawyers and manslaughter, these jokes are sure to get you rolling with laughter as you testify in the court. Whether you have a law degree or not, everyone can appreciate a good courtroom joke and its accompanying gavel!
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Funniest Courtroom Short Jokes
Short courtroom jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The courtroom humour may include short courthouse jokes also.
- Did you hear about the guy who was arrested for mastubating in a courtroom? He got off on a technicality.
- You know the difference between my birthday and a courtroom? My dad shows up at a courtroom.
- I was sitting in the courtroom the other day and my phone started to die. Luckily I brought my mobile power bank. Anyways, I was charged with battery.
- Italian in a courtroom extremely upset The judge tries to calm him down and says "Just relax, its a fine!" The Italian goes "No! Its a not!"
- [In a courtroom] Judge: Did you feel guilty at the time? Accused: No I didn't, your honour.
Guilty: Yes he did, your honour. That's why I pressed charges against him. - I don't like making plans for the day Because then the word "premeditated" gets thrown around the courtroom.
- Funny Courtroom Transcript Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. - R. Kelly went from being trapped in a closet to being trapped in a courtroom. Can't wait for the sequel, trapped in a jail cell.
- Court Comedy In a courtroom, where tensions are high...
Judge: Order! Order in the court!
Plaintiff: I'll take a ham on rye. - What did the defendant say when he saw his picture hung up in the courtroom? I've been framed.
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Courtroom One Liners
Which courtroom one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with courtroom? I can suggest the ones about court appearance and classroom.
- What do you call 12 cats in a courtroom? Purrjury
- Why was the courtroom closed? It was.... out of order!
- A courtroom artist was arrested today for an unknown reason... The details are sketchy
- Courtroom Dramas.... .....are lawsome.
- If a courtroom's flora was only cannabis plants Would that make it a high court?
- What does the Japanese bailiff say in the courtroom? ALL RICE
- Why was the courtroom stocked with toilet paper? Jury Dootie
- When Chuck Norris enters into a courtroom, the judge stands up.
- What do you call a white guy in a courtroom? Judge
Lawyer Courtroom Jokes
Here is a list of funny lawyer courtroom jokes and even better lawyer courtroom puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A reporter outside of a courtroom asked a defendant clad only in a barrel: “Oh, I see your attorney lost the case!”
The defendant answered, “No, we won.”
Uproarious Courtroom Jokes to Share with Friends
What funny jokes about courtroom you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean court case jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make courtroom pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A defendant was on trial for m**... in Philadelphia.
There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there was no corpse.
In the defense’s closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, resorted to a trick.
"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all," the lawyer said as he looked at his watch.
"Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom."
He looked toward the courtroom door. The jurors, somewhat stunned, all looked on eagerly.
A minute passed.
Nothing happened.
Finally the lawyer said, "Actually, I made up the previous statement. But you all looked on with anticipation. I, therefore, put it to you that there is reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and insist that you return a verdict of not guilty."
The jury, clearly confused, retired to deliberate.
A few minutes later, the jury returned and pronounced a verdict of guilty.
"But how?" inquired the lawyer. "You must have had some doubt; I saw all of you stare at the door."
Answered the jury foreman: "Oh, we did look. But your client didn’t."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There are three types of s**... in a marriage.
The first one is Kitchen s**....
This is when you are newlyweds, and you're still having fun, so you do it anywhere, anytime - but mostly the kitchen.
The second type is Bedroom s**....
This is when you have settled down a bit and probably have kids, so you can't do it anywhere except the bedroom.
The third type of s**... is Hallway s**....
This is when you pass each other in the hall and say, "Screw you."
But there's also a fourth kind called Courtroom s**....
This is when you are getting a divorce and you try to screw each other in public.
In the courtroom where I worked as a court reporter, a dentist was called as a witness.
He took the oath a few feet from my desk, and I noticed his upraised arm was trembling, apparently from nervousness.
After he finished, I couldn't resist saying softly, "Sit down, Doctor. This won't hurt a bit."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Courtroom joke
This was actually said in court and taken from a transcript:
Lawyer: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "Did you check for breathing?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"
Witness: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
Lawyer: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"
Witness: "Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Open and Shut
A man's wife disappears and he's accused of killing her. At the trial, his lawyer tells the jury, Ladies and gentlemen, I have amazing news. Not only is my client's wife actually alive, but she'll walk through that door in ten seconds."
An expectant silence settles over the courtroom, but nothing happens.
Think about that, the lawyer says. The fact that you were watching the door, expecting to see the missing woman, proves that you have a reasonable doubt as to whether a m**... was actually committed.
He sits down confidently, and the judge sends the jury off to deliberate. They return in ten minutes and declare the man guilty.
Guilty? says the lawyer. How can that be? You were all watching the door!
Most of us were watching the door, says the foreman. But one of us was watching the defendant, and he wasn't watching the door.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman and a man are in a courtroom.
The woman screams to the judge:"This man walked up behind me!"
The man says: "We all know that's not true.."
-"Then he took off his pants!"
The man responds: "Do you seriously believe this women?"
-"Then he took out his 10 inch you know what."
The man says: "Well... that's definitely true, i won't lie about that one."
A man and his lawyer walk into the courtroom and stand before the judge.
The judge asks "What does the defendant plea?"
The lawyer replies "Your honor, my client pleads trans-guilty."
The judge has a puzzled look on his face.
Lawyer: "He identifies himself as an innocent man."
A 10 years old boy was at the center of a Philadelphia courtroom in Pennsylvania yesterday
.... when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt. The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and said that they also beat him. After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life his family, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the Child Welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Philadelphia 76ers whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A p**... Goes to Court
A p**... goes to court with a jury, accused of murdering a customer.
After court is done, she comes out of the courtroom. Her friends asks, "So, how was the jury?"
p**... says, "They were hung."
I want to be a courtroom artist.
Think about how amazing that job would be! I get to draw people, and these days, i get to meet stars i loved as a child.
A man is sued and goes to court...
A man is sued for calling a lady a cow during a heated exchange at work. The man is asked by the judge to pay a small fine to the madam which he does immediately. Just before leaving the courtroom, the man and the judge have the following conversation:
"Your honor, may I ask you a question?"
"By all means sir"
"If i were to call a cow a madam, would I still have to pay a fine?"
"Of course not, that's crazy"
"Thank you your honor"
The man then turns to the woman and says:
"Have a good day madam"
And proceeds to walk out of tthe courtroom
(My dad just told me this in Serbian and it sounded better but this sort of works. Hope you get some gags!)
Stormzy, Dizzee Rascal, and Lethal Bizzle walked into a courtroom.
They were charged with grimes against humanity.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Courtroom
Prosecutor: Did you kill this man?
Me: No
Prosecutor: Do you know what the penalty for perjury is?
Me: Yeah, it's a lot less than the penalty for m**...
Did you hear they ended up ruling the courtroom masturbator not guilty?
Apparently he got off on a technicality.
Did you hear about the guy who died in a courtroom after the judge threw a book at him?
He was sentenced to death
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
6ix9ine arrested on racketeering charges
In the courtroom the judge asks, "How does 8 - 10 years sound?"
"s**...", 6ix9ine replies
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A courtroom is full of n**... men. The bailiff says "All rise, court is now in session!"
They did, but no one was standing.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
LEGO sued a Welsh farmer for the unlawful representation and use of their bricks. The entire courtroom was filled with disgust at the trial's out come.
He got off on a Technic Cow t**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A judge walks out of his courtroom in Soviet Russia chuckling to himself.
Another judge stops him and says, "What's so funny?"
"I just heard this funny political joke in my courtroom." the first judge says.
"Really?" says the second judge, "Tell it to me, I want to hear it."
The first judge says, "No way. I gave the poor guy 20 years hard labor for it."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Take him down
In an English courtroom ....
Judge: before I pass sentence have you anything you wish to say?
Defendant: F**k all
Judge to clerk of court: What did he say!
Clerk to Judge: F**k all m'lud
Judge to clerk: He did you know, I saw his lips move.
Duchess
It's my cake day, so here's a joke for everybody. My dad told me this joke, but I haven't seen it any other places:
A man goes on trial for calling the Duchess a pig. The judge finds him guilty of slander and explains that if he ever calls the Duchess a pig again he'll be severely punished. The man then says to the judge, If I can't call the Duchess a pig, would I still get punished for calling a pig Duchess?
The judge publicly rules that he can indeed call a pig Duchess.
On his way out of the courtroom, the man walks by the royal plaintiff, tips his hat, and says Good day, Duchess.
My friend told this to me the other day, so I apologize if this is a repost or anything like that.
A man is pulled over for speeding.
Police Officer: Sir, were you aware you were going 68 MPH on a 45?
Man: No sir.
Officer: Well, you were, and that's far too high. You'll have to be in court.
Man: Well, can you at least raise the number a bit so we can get the judge to say it?
Officer: I guess I can.
\*In the courtroom
Judge: How were you going 420 on a 45?!?
The judge asked the woman what she stole. She replied, I stole a can of peaches.
The judge then asked, how many peaches were in the can?
Six, replied the woman.
After consideration, the judge decided to sentence her one night of prison for every peach she stole. Six nights total.
At this moment the woman felt helpless, bawling her eyes out, she didn't know what to do.
And before the judge smacked the mallet down to make it final, her husband entered into the courtroom and yelled, your honor, wait!
The judge froze and listened to what the husband wanted to say.
She also stole a can of peas!
A Russian joke
Russian joke:
A judge exists the courtroom laughing histerically:
"What is it?" asks a coleague
"I just heard the best joke ever!"
"What is it?"
"I can't tell you, I just sent some guy ten years to the Gulag for it."
BREAKING NEWS from the courtroom! Amber Heard confesses to having a child with Charlie Sheen. The child went to live with his father and took his name.
Both parents agreed the child should be sheen and not heard.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Wife and chair
(In a courtroom, a judge is hearing a case of domestic a**...)
Judge: Mrs. Smith, why did you hit your husband with a chair?
Wife: (sobbing) I tried not to … but I couldn't lift a table.
A lawyer walked into the courtroom wearing nothing but his underwear and asked, "Can we please postpone the trial?"
The judge replied, "Of course! How can we start when you've forgotten your lawsuit?"
