Courtroom Jokes

Following is our collection of gavel puns and prosecution one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Courtroom jokes for adults, dirty defendant jokes and clean judge dad gags for kids.

The Best Courtroom Puns

Courtroom

Prosecutor: Did you kill this man?

Me: No

Prosecutor: Do you know what the penalty for perjury is?

Me: Yeah, it's a lot less than the penalty for murder

Duchess

It's my cake day, so here's a joke for everybody. My dad told me this joke, but I haven't seen it any other places:

A man goes on trial for calling the Duchess a pig. The judge finds him guilty of slander and explains that if he ever calls the Duchess a pig again he'll be severely punished. The man then says to the judge, If I can't call the Duchess a pig, would I still get punished for calling a pig Duchess?

The judge publicly rules that he can indeed call a pig Duchess.

On his way out of the courtroom, the man walks by the royal plaintiff, tips his hat, and says Good day, Duchess.

A cannibal in a courtroom

Representing himself, the cannibal was asked by the judge if he had anything to say.

"If the quote "You are what you eat" is true then I am an innocent man."

A man is sued and goes to court...

A man is sued for calling a lady a cow during a heated exchange at work. The man is asked by the judge to pay a small fine to the madam which he does immediately. Just before leaving the courtroom, the man and the judge have the following conversation:

"Your honor, may I ask you a question?"

"By all means sir"

"If i were to call a cow a madam, would I still have to pay a fine?"

"Of course not, that's crazy"

"Thank you your honor"

The man then turns to the woman and says:

"Have a good day madam"

And proceeds to walk out of tthe courtroom





(My dad just told me this in Serbian and it sounded better but this sort of works. Hope you get some gags!)

A 10 years old boy was at the center of a Philadelphia courtroom in Pennsylvania yesterday

.... when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt. The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and said that they also beat him. After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life his family, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the Child Welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Philadelphia 76ers whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.


Did you hear about the guy who was arrested for mastubating in a courtroom?

He got off on a technicality.

You know the difference between my birthday and a courtroom?

My dad shows up at a courtroom.

Did you hear about the jurisprudence fetishist that walked into a courtroom?

He got off on a technicality.

What do you call 12 cats in a courtroom?

Purrjury

Why was the courtroom closed?

It was.... out of order!

I don't like making plans for the day

Because then the word "premeditated" gets thrown around the courtroom.


Soviet Union. Judge comes out of the courtroom, laughing.

- Why are you laughing?

- I've just heard a very funny joke.

- Tell me it.

- I can't, I just gave a 10-year sentence for it.

A courtroom artist was arrested today for an unknown reason...

The details are sketchy

A lawyer walks into a courtroom without a shirt

Lawyer: "Can we please postpone this trial?"

Judge: "Of course, how can we start the trial when you've forgotten your lawsuit!"

Courtroom Dramas....

.....are lawsome.

A skunk walks into a courtroom in the middle of a trial.

The judge immediately shouts, "ODOUR IN THE COURT!"

Funny Courtroom Transcript

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

A Prostitute Goes to Court

A Prostitute goes to court with a jury, accused of murdering a customer.

After court is done, she comes out of the courtroom. Her friends asks, "So, how was the jury?"

Prostitute says, "They were hung."

A woman was before a Judge for steeling a can of peaches.

**Judge:** "How many peaches were in the tin?"

**Woman:** "4 your honour."

**Judge:** "Very well you will serve a month in prison for each peach inside that tin."

From the back of the courtroom the woman's husband chimes up

**Husband:** "She stole a can of peas too."


A man and his lawyer walk into the courtroom and stand before the judge.

The judge asks "What does the defendant plea?"

The lawyer replies "Your honor, my client pleads trans-guilty."

The judge has a puzzled look on his face.

Lawyer: "He identifies himself as an innocent man."

Take him down

In an English courtroom ....

Judge: before I pass sentence have you anything you wish to say?

Defendant: F**k all

Judge to clerk of court: What did he say!

Clerk to Judge: F**k all m'lud

Judge to clerk: He did you know, I saw his lips move.

R. Kelly went from being trapped in a closet to being trapped in a courtroom.

Can't wait for the sequel, trapped in a jail cell.

Court Comedy

In a courtroom, where tensions are high...

Judge: Order! Order in the court!

Plaintiff: I'll take a ham on rye.

What did the defendant say when he saw his picture hung up in the courtroom?

I've been framed.

Why is there a dog in the courtroom?

How else is he supposed to contest all those unpaid barking tickets, idiot?

A judge walks out of his courtroom in Soviet Russia chuckling to himself.

Another judge stops him and says, "What's so funny?"

"I just heard this funny political joke in my courtroom." the first judge says.

"Really?" says the second judge, "Tell it to me, I want to hear it."

The first judge says, "No way. I gave the poor guy 20 years hard labor for it."

Stormzy, Dizzee Rascal, and Lethal Bizzle walked into a courtroom.

They were charged with grimes against humanity.

What does the Japanese bailiff say in the courtroom?

ALL RICE

I want to be a courtroom artist.

Think about how amazing that job would be! I get to draw people, and these days, i get to meet stars i loved as a child.

LEGO sued a Welsh farmer for the unlawful representation and use of their bricks. The entire courtroom was filled with disgust at the trial's out come.

He got off on a Technic Cow Titty.

A courtroom is full of naked men. The bailiff says "All rise, court is now in session!"

They did, but no one was standing.

6ix9ine arrested on racketeering charges

In the courtroom the judge asks, "How does 8 - 10 years sound?"

 
 

 
 

"Sexy", 6ix9ine replies

Did you hear about the guy who died in a courtroom after the judge threw a book at him?

He was sentenced to death

Did you hear they ended up ruling the courtroom masturbator not guilty?

Apparently he got off on a technicality.

Why was the courtroom stocked with toilet paper?

Jury Dootie

A woman and a man are in a courtroom.

The woman screams to the judge:"This man walked up behind me!"

The man says: "We all know that's not true.."

-"Then he took off his pants!"

The man responds: "Do you seriously believe this women?"

-"Then he took out his 10 inch you know what."

The man says: "Well... that's definitely true, i won't lie about that one."

A soviet judge walks out of the courtroom laughing....

A fellow judge asks him: "What's so funny?"

The judge replies "I just heard the best joke **EVER**"

The fellow judge asks: "What's the joke?"

The judge answers: "I'd tell you but then i'd have to sentence myself to 20 years"

There is an abundance of guilty jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 37 funniest jokes and courtroom puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any courthouse witze you can hear about courtroom.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes