Courthouse Jokes

Following is our collection of judge puns and micky one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Courthouse jokes for adults, dirty prosecutor jokes and clean courtroom dad gags for kids.

The Best Courthouse Puns

People need to stop putting flyers on my car.

I don't want to see a band called "Parking Violation" at the "Courthouse."

Civil War spoilers

Lee surrenders at Appomatox Courthouse, Abe Lincoln is shot by John Wilkes Booth.

What does a lawyer wear to the courthouse?

A lawsuit.

My friend got jury duty

So I drove him down to the courthouse. He came out 5 minutes later and said we could go. I said "How did you do that?" He said it was easy, just pretend to be super racist and they let you go. So I tried it myself a couple weeks later.

Apparently it doesn't work if you're the defendant.


A a man in his 70's calls his son to tell him he and his mother are getting a divorce. "Dad, you can't do this! You're not thinking straight." The son calls his sister to talk about it, and she is in agreement; their parents cannot do this. "Dad, we're flying out there tomorrow. Do not sign any papers, contact any lawyers, or even thinking about going down to the courthouse." After the dad gets off the phone, he looks over at his wife and says, "It worked. They'll be here for Christmas and are paying their own airfare."

What do you call a gay wedding in a courthouse?

A court mandate.

People need to stop putting flyers on my car windshield,

I have no interest in seeing some band called Parking Violation at the City Courthouse venue.

A man goes to the courthouse to change his name.

"What is your current name?" the clerk asks. "Adolph Trump."
"That *is* unfortunate," the clerk replies. "What do you want to change it to?"
"Adolph Jones."

A man and woman get a divorce.

They go to the courthouse and the judge wants to hear why they want a divorce.

The woman starts and says that they are too compatible. She says how they like the same movies, music, sports, books, and hobbies.

The judge perplexed asks why this is grounds for divorce.

She says the compatibility is just too good that they even like the same men.

No mixing utensils are allowed near the courthouse as the month-long case against the violent baker continues.

It's a whisk-free 30 day trial.

Terrorists have taken over the local courthouse.

They are threatening to release a lawyer every 15 minutes unless their demands are met.4

I work in a courthouse, and this is my favorite joke due to its accuracy: What's the difference between a federal judge and God?

God doesn't think he's a federal judge.

Funniest joke I've ever heard

A Soviet judge exits a courthouse after a trial. He is laughing hysterically as a friend greets him.

The friend asks, "Why are you laughing?"

The judge answers, "I think I just heard the funniest joke I've ever heard."

The friend says, "Come on, tell it to me."

The judge says, "I can't. I just sent someone to the Gulag for it!!"

Robert asks a televangelist to pray for his hearing

After five minutes of violent shaking and trying to push the man backwards, the televangelist inquires Robert on the state of his hearing, to which he replies "I don't know, my hearing isn't until Tuesday at the courthouse."

Steve asked the preacher to pray for his hearing.

After a few minutes of fervent prayer with his hands clasped over Steve's ears the entire time, he stopped and asked, "How's your hearing now?" Steve replied, "I don't know. It's coming up this Tuesday at the courthouse."

Did you hear they're building a new courthouse?

Now that's what I call a construction of justice

2 lawyers, a judge, and a witness all walked into a bar

What idiot designed it into the center of the courthouse floor anyway?

A judge in my city had the entire bathroom removed from the Courthouse.

It was out of order.

What makes up the foundation of every courthouse?

Law and mortar.

Did you hear about the lawyer selling moonshine from a van outside the courthouse?

He was disbarred.

There is an abundance of lawsuit jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 20 funniest jokes and courthouse puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any federal witze you can hear about courthouse.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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