Courthouse Jokes
30 courthouse jokes and hilarious courthouse puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about courthouse that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Courthouse Short Jokes
Short courthouse jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The courthouse humour may include short courtroom jokes also.
- People need to stop putting flyers on my car. I don't want to see a band called "Parking Violation" at the "Courthouse."
- Civil War spoilers Lee surrenders at Appomatox Courthouse, Abe Lincoln is shot by John Wilkes Booth.
- No mixing utensils are allowed near the courthouse as the month-long case against the violent baker continues. It's a whisk-free 30 day trial.
- I work in a courthouse, and this is my favorite joke due to its accuracy: What's the difference between a federal judge and God? God doesn't think he's a federal judge.
- Did you hear they're building a new courthouse? Now that's what I call a construction of justice
- A judge in my city had the entire bathroom removed from the Courthouse. It was out of order.
- Did you hear about the lawyer selling moonshine from a van outside the courthouse? He was disbarred.
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Courthouse One Liners
Which courthouse one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with courthouse? I can suggest the ones about town hall and court appearance.
- What does a lawyer wear to the courthouse? A lawsuit.
- What do you call a gay wedding in a courthouse? A court mandate.
- What kinds of peanuts do people in courthouses eat? Subpoenas.
- What makes up the foundation of every courthouse? Law and mortar.
- At a courthouse Judge: Order, order.
Defendant: A cheeseburger, please. - How did the steak chef at the courthouse like his paycheck? In legal tender
Playful Courthouse Jokes to Add Joy and Laughter to Your Group
What funny jokes about courthouse you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean city hall jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make courthouse pranks.
My friend got jury duty
So I drove him down to the courthouse. He came out 5 minutes later and said we could go. I said "How did you do that?" He said it was easy, just pretend to be super racist and they let you go. So I tried it myself a couple weeks later.
Apparently it doesn't work if you're the defendant.
The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse:
You cannot post "Thou shalt not steal," "Thou shalt not commit adultery," and "Thou shalt not lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment.
Divorce
A a man in his 70's calls his son to tell him he and his mother are getting a divorce. "Dad, you can't do this! You're not thinking straight." The son calls his sister to talk about it, and she is in agreement; their parents cannot do this. "Dad, we're flying out there tomorrow. Do not sign any papers, contact any lawyers, or even thinking about going down to the courthouse." After the dad gets off the phone, he looks over at his wife and says, "It worked. They'll be here for Christmas and are paying their own airfare."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My uncle just saw his wanted picture at the courthouse and was p**...
Because he was framed
A man goes to the courthouse to change his name.
"What is your current name?" the clerk asks. "Adolph Trump."
"That *is* unfortunate," the clerk replies. "What do you want to change it to?"
"Adolph Jones."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was at the courthouse today and witnessed a 4 foot tall felon go down a flight of stairs....
It was a little condescending.
A man and woman get a divorce.
They go to the courthouse and the judge wants to hear why they want a divorce.
The woman starts and says that they are too compatible. She says how they like the same movies, music, sports, books, and hobbies.
The judge perplexed asks why this is grounds for divorce.
She says the compatibility is just too good that they even like the same men.
Robert asks a televangelist to pray for his hearing
After five minutes of violent shaking and trying to push the man backwards, the televangelist inquires Robert on the state of his hearing, to which he replies "I don't know, my hearing isn't until Tuesday at the courthouse."
Steve asked the preacher to pray for his hearing.
After a few minutes of fervent prayer with his hands clasped over Steve's ears the entire time, he stopped and asked, "How's your hearing now?" Steve replied, "I don't know. It's coming up this Tuesday at the courthouse."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
2 lawyers, a judge, and a witness all walked into a bar
What idiot designed it into the center of the courthouse floor anyway?
A woman has lived through an abusive relationship with her husband for 10 years.
The husband has beaten her many times over the course of their marriage. Finally, she decides to get a divorce. Everything goes through as normal, and soon she's on her own again. As she is leaving the courthouse, a stranger stops her, having overheard the proceedings.
"What do you want?" the lady asks him.
"I heard of your problems in marriage... let me give you a little piece of advice. If you decide to remarry, do it with a player from the Cleveland Browns," the stranger says.
"Why?
"Isn't it obvious? The Cleveland Browns don't beat anybody."
3 Ducks Sitting at a Courthouse
The Judge calls up the first duck
Judge: "state your name and your offense."
Duck 1: "My name is Quack and I blew bubbles at the pond."
Judge: "okay 1 week community service and off you go."
Judge calls up the second duck
Judge: "State your name and your offense."
Duck 2: "My name is Quack Quack and I blew bubbles at the pond."
Judge: "okay, same sentence. Now, off you go."
Judge calls up the third duck
Judge: "Dont tell me your name is Quack Quack Quack and you blew bubbles at the pond too"
Duck 3: "Nope! My name is Bubbles."
A messy divorce ends with deciding who gets custody of Billy
The judge asks Billy Who do you want to stay with?
Billy replies Neither of my parents because they both beat me every day
The courthouse is in shock and both parents are clearly embarrassed, so the judge proclaims Well you can stay with your aunt then.
Billy says again No she beats me too, and my older cousin and my grandparents, they all beat me!
The judge thinks over with his advisors and they decide that he should be taken care of by the Cleveland Browns, because they can't beat anyone.
