The Best 76 Courtesy Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Courtesy jokes. There are some courtesy lycansubscribe jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these courtesy degenerous puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Courtesy Jokes and Puns

Courtesy of my youngest child - why didn't Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough?

Because a cold never bothered her anyway.

My youngest son thought of this all by himself...he's a 38-year-old lawyer in Nebraska.

Why is dark spelled with a k, and not a c?

Because you can't see in the dark.

Courtesy of my 14 year old this evening.

I'll tell you what I know about dwarfs!

Very Little

Courtesy of Jimmy Carr

Courtesy joke, I'll tell you what I know about dwarfs!

Why is it so hard to play cards in the jungle?

There are too many cheetahs.

Courtesy of the St. Louis Zoo Facebook page.

Why did the Siamese twins move to England?

So the other one could learn to drive.

Courtesy of the movie "Man on the Moon".


What do you call a Frenchman that wears sandals?

Phillipe Floppe

Courtesy, my Neuroscience Prof.

What country does fried fish swim in?

Greece!

(courtesy of my ten year old)

Courtesy joke, What country does fried fish swim in?

I finally know what women want...

...security.
....
....
....
I know because that is what they shout whenever I try and approach.

Bahdumtish
(Joke courtesy of my bf's father)

What would Joan Rivers be doing if she was alive right now?!

Scratching at the inside of her coffin.

Courtesy of my dad.

As a child I was made to walk the plank.

We couldn't afford a dog.

Courtesy of Gary Delaney

My little sister made a face at my mom and said "Guess who I am?"

My mom answered "Who?"

"Your daughter"

courtesy of my 4 year old sister about 20 minutes ago

You can explore courtesy gentlemanly reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean courtesy decency dad jokes. There are also courtesy puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


How many Germans does it take to change a lightbulb?

1..... Because they are very efficient, but not very funny.

Courtesy of my brother /u/twinhawk

What is green, has four legs and would kill you if it fell on to you from a tree in the jungle?

A snooker table. (Courtesy of Leigh Hart on the Alternative Commentary Collective during the New Zealand v South Africa Cricket World Cup semi-final)

Have you heard about these new corduroy pillows?

They've really been making headlines.

-courtesy of my 8 year old niece.

I have to look up the word innuendo...

If you know what I mean ;)

Courtesy of Suits

A black man, a Muslim, and a Communist walk into a bar...

The bartender says, "Hello, Mr. President!"

Courtesy of my Fox News-watching mom...

Courtesy joke, A black man, a Muslim, and a Communist walk into a bar...

What does a coffee pot say when it's feeling sorry for itself?

Pour me...

:-/

Courtesy Waffle House marketing team from an email i received today.

How do you know a homeless woman is menstruating?

If she's only wearing one sock.

(This joke brought to you courtesy the homeless guy outside my local 7-11.)

What do you get when you cross a mountain climber and a mosquito?

You can't. A mosquito is a vector and the mountain climber is a scaler.

Courtesy of my physics professor.


What happens if you drop a blue marble in the Red Sea?

It sinks.

(Courtesy of my 9 year old daughter)

"I always try to go the extra mile for my customers"

-New York's most hated cab driver

Courtesy of @lordbeef on Twitter

What's the difference between a Jew and a Bullet?

The Bullet leaves the chamber.

Courtesy of my comrade Ivo

I just found out I'm colour blind

The diagnosis came completely out of the green.

(Courtesy of a family member)

What do lawyers wear to court?

Lawsuits! 😂

Courtesy of the popsicle I just enjoyed. Had to share. Have a great day.

Why do cows huddle together when it rains?

To keep each udder dry

Courtesy of my significant other

What did one earthquake say to the other earthquake?

That wasn't my fault.


Courtesy of my 11 year old daughter.

What do you give to an injured lemon?

Lemon-aid.

Courtesy of my daughter.

What do you call a pig mixed with a centipede?

Bacon and scrambled legs.

Courtesy of my 6 year old daughter. She said she made it up and I can't verify that but it cracked us up so I thought I'd share.

What do you call a camel that hates cows?

Drama-dairy.

Courtesy of my eight-year-old

Why was the gambler obsessed with getting to heaven?

He heard it was a pair of dice.

Courtesy of my 8 year old. I'm a bad parent.

What is the difference between a teacher and a train?

A teacher says "Spit out the gum!"
A train says "Chew! Chew!"

Ye, courtesy of my 8 year old daughter.

Courtesy of my 6-year-old: How does a coffee mug fight off dementors?

Espresso patronum

What's the difference between a traffic light and a banana?

With a traffic light, green means go, yellow means wait, and red means stop.

But with a banana, green means wait, yellow means go, and red means OH MY GOD, WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOUR BANANA!?!

(courtesy of my 12 yr old)

*

Why does Voldemort use Twitter and not Facebookm

Because he has followers, not friends.

Courtesy of my 10 year old son.

For the past six years I've been trying to find my mother-in-law's killer...

...but nobody wants the job.

(Courtesy of Steve Pemberton & Reece Shearsmith)

Only Oral can Save Her

A man's wife goes into a coma.

The doctor says "Theres only one way of reviving your wife but it's a little unconventional. You go in there and have oral sex with her"

The man says"my god...."

Doctor says "I know I know, but I've seen it work"

The man says "ok doc, I'll try anything, I'm desperate"

He goes into his wifes room, closes the door behind him. He comes out five minutes later and says"Doc, I dont think it's working....she's choking"

My dads a women's rights activist.

Your dad? Not your mum?

No, dad wouldn't allow that.

*Courtesy of u/hihellow*

What happens when a phone goes to jail?

It becomes a cell phone!

(Courtesy my 6 year old)

A guy walks into a doctors office and says

'You've gotta help me doc. I snore so loudly that I keep waking myself up, what can I do?'

'Oh that's easy' replies the doctor, 'just sleep in another room'

Courtesy of my 6 year old.

What do French barbarians wear to protect their eyes?

Gaul-gles.

(Courtesy of my eight year old.)

What do you call a sick Darth Vader?

Barf Vader

-Courtesy of my 6 year old nephew.

Courtesy of my five year old son... What do you get when a turtle and porcupine have a baby?

A slow poke!

Courtesy of an 8 year old: A man goes to the supermarket

A man goes to the supermarket and puts a miniature milk bottle into his cart. Next he grabs a miniature loaf of bread and one miniature apple. At check out the cute cashier takes his miniature groceries and scans them one by one. Between the *beeps* she takes a good look at him and finally asks.

Cashier: Are you single?

Man: Yes I am, how did you know? Was it because of the miniature groceries?

Cashier: No, it's because you are ugly.

Courtesy of my [insert single-digit number] year old son/daughter.

[Horrible pun I thought of last night]

Dad, what do you call a fish with two legs?

A two-knee fish.

Courtesy of my 8-year old. Thought it was pretty good lol.

Brits

They drive a German Car
They go to Irish Pubz
To drink Belgium beer
They get a Chinese Takeaway on the way back
They sit on Swedish furniture
They watch American films
On a Japanese TV

Most of all though they are suspicious of all things foreign

Courtesy of Rick Wakemam who I'm doing lighting for tonight. (super chill guy btw)

Courtesy of my 8 year old: Why did the lipstick, eyeliner, and foundation keep fighting each other?

Because they could never makeup!

Courtesy of my seven year-old son: What do cows call their clothes?

Moo

A man goes to the doctor

A man goes to the doctor and says, "I've been stung by a bee! Can you put some ointment on it?"

The doctor says, "Sure, but I think the bee flew away already."

(Courtesy of my 10 year old)

Why don't snakes ever bite lawyers?

Professional courtesy.

What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?

You can't hear an enzyme

Courtesy of Kurt Vonnegut in Jailbird pg 184!

Why did the old lady fall down the well?

She didn't see that well.

(courtesy of my 8 year old!)

What does a kangaroo get if it hurts itself really badly?

A hop-eration

Courtesy of my 7yo daughter so be kind!

What do you call an old snowman?

Water...



\---

*Courtesy of my 8-year-old this morning. Merry Christmas!*

Why did the chicken cross the road? (Courtesy of my 5 year old)

Because chickens are stupid!

My girlfriend left me because I apparently never listen...

She could have had the courtesy to tell me.

What is a kidnapper's favorite type of shoe?

White Vans

(courtesy of my dark-humored step-kiddo)

What do you call your mother's mother's mother's sister?

Your great antique.

Follow up Joke: what do call your father's father's father? Old as hell.


Both jokes courtesy of the 10 year old comedian in my house.

Is it hard to spot a leopard?

No. They come that way.



\- Courtesy of my eight year old, about ten seconds ago.

Courtesy of Alexa: how does a banana get out of jail?

It wins on appeal.

What do you call a Russian desert

Vladimir Pudden. Courtesy of an 8yo.

What do you call a buff guy who predicts the weather and can treat a UTI?

A meaty urologist.





BONUS (courtesy of my girlfriend)



What do call someone who's available 24/7 and treats cancer?

An always oncologist.

Why are atoms selfish?

Because they're all that matter!


...Courtesy of my witty wife after my 11 year old asked the "Why should you never trust atoms? - because they make up everything" joke.

I thought surely the joke already existed, but I couldn't find it anywhere. Doesn't entirely work, but it got a laugh out of me!

All the mathematical functions are having a party

The polynomials are dancing, the square root function is drinking, yet the exponential function remains to the side.

so the inverse function asks what's wrong.

To which the exponential function responds: whether I integrate or not, nothing will change, now leave.

(courtesy of my physics teacher, I translated from French so might suck, don't gimme too much flak)

Courtesy of my 11-year-old: Dad, what's the difference between a humorous reference and an imaginary bread?

One is a wry allusion and the other is a rye illusion.

Courtesy of my 7 year old - What happens if you don't eat a balanced diet?

You will tip over

Courtesy of my kid when she was seven: what's invisible and smells like bananas?

Monkey farts

What do you do when you find a blue elephant?

Cheer him up.

(Courtesy of my 10-year-old son.)

What's bigger than a tuna?

A threena.

(Courtesy of my fifteen year old daughter. So proud!)

Courtesy of my oldest daughter.

What kind of vegetable grows at the zoo?.....

A zoocchini.

I must be doing something right with raising her.

Courtesy of my 8yo son

What's the highest rating that cheese can get?


Grate.

What did Picasso say when he entered the parking garage?

Where did my van go?

(courtesy of my teenage daughter)

I was making pizza for lunch when the pizza cutter broke...

So I picked up a Bryan Adams CD and it cut like a knife.

Joke courtesy of my old man.

Why did the cookie go to the doctor?

Cause he was feeling crummy!

Courtesy of my five year old.

A Buddhist walks up to a hotdog stand and says to the vendor...

"Make me one with everything."

So the hotdog vendor makes him a hotdog with every topping, and the Buddhist hands him a twenty. He proceeds to eat the hotdog, but gets no change for his twenty dollar bill. He says, "Hey, where's my change?"

The hotdog vendor replies, "Change comes only from within."


(Courtesy of my fifty year old husband, who cant go five hecking minutes without making a dad joke)

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because it wanted to show the other chickens that it had guts. (Courtesy of my daughter)

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the courtesy patience jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working courtesy lmao piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes