Courage Jokes
80 courage jokes and hilarious courage puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about courage that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Do you have the courage to laugh at yourself? Read through this humorous collection of jokes about courage. From moral courage to Dutch courage, bravery to ballsy, and ashe, these jokes will help you find your own brand of courage.
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Funniest Courage Short Jokes
Short courage jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The courage humour may include short bravery jokes also.
- Chuck Norris actually died four years ago Death just hasn't worked up the courage to tell him yet.
- Chuck Norris actually died 6 years ago. ...But the Grim Reaper still hasn't gotten up the courage to tell him.
- 8 years ago I worked up the courage to ask the shy, beautiful girl who sat next to me in history class to be my girlfriend. Today, I asked her to be my wife. She said no both times.
- TIL: Chuck Norris died earlier this month But the Grim Reaper hasn't worked up the courage to tell him yet.
- I finally found the courage to tell my suitcases there will be no holiday abroad this year. Now, I'm dealing emotional baggage.
- Instead of Traveling to Oz, the Tin Man, the Lion, and The scarecrow should run for Congress As they lack a heart, mind, and courage
- What do you call cattle that don't have courage? Cowards.
Thanks folks, I wrote this when I was 7 years old! - I'm pretty convinced that tall girls are secretly witches Every time I try to work up the courage to talk to one, I get turned into a chicken ☠️
- Finally got the courage to introduce my girlfriend to my family Safe to say my wife wasn't happy.
- My boss said I "lacked courage" so I walked out... Got a coffee to calm down and returned to my desk.
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Courage One Liners
Which courage one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with courage? I can suggest the ones about coward and daring.
- I finally worked up the courage to tell my parents... They're gay.
- How did the hot dog ask the ketchup out on a date? He mustard up the courage.
- Which is more courageous a pebble or a stick? The pebble, it's a little boulder.
- How did the hot dog get a date? He mustard up the courage to ask.
- It is with great courage that I join the #MeToo movement. I need someone to poundmetoo.
- Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.
- Why doesn't apple cover water damage in their warranty? They don't have any courage.
- What does the yellow in the French Flag represent? Courage
- What is the cost of courage? $159
- Hey girl, is your name Apple? Because you give me the courage to j**....
- What's courageous but not a j**...? iPhone 7
Uproarious Courage Jokes to Have a Laugh Out Loud Good Time
What funny jokes about courage you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean kindness jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make courage pranks.
Display of courage in House of Leaves.
From "Tom's Story", *House of Leaves*:
I call this "A Little Bedtime Story For Tom."
A long time ago, there was this captain and he was out sailing the high seas when one of his crew spotted a pirate ship on the horizon. Right before the battle began, the captain cried out, "Bring me my red shirt!" It was a long fight but in the end the captain and his crew were victorious.
The next day three pirate ships appeared. Once again the captain cried out, "Bring me my red shirt!" and once again the captain and his men defeated the pirates. That evening everyone was sitting around, resting, and taking care of their wounds, when an ensign asked the captain why he always put on his red shirt before battle. The captain calmly replied, "I wear the red shirt so that if I'm wounded, no one will see the blood. That way everyone will continue to fight on unafraid." All the men were moved by this great display of courage.
Well the next day, ten pirate ships were spotted. The men turned to their captain and waited for him to give his usual command. Calm as ever, the captain cried out, "Bring me my brown pants."
G.W.Bush - Dyslexic?
After many speech errors, mispronunciations, apparent Freudian slips, rumors began to swirl that President Bush may be dyslexic. At a press conference the following month, one journalist found the courage to ask "Mr. President, is there any truth the the current rumor that you are, in fact, dyslexic?" To which he emphatically replied, "ON!"
So this amputee hadn't told his fiance about his condition yet...
and he kept putting it off. Finally, on their wedding night, in bed with the lights out, he screws up his courage.
"Honey, I have a confession to make."
"What is it, dear?"
Instead of answering, he simply takes his brides hand and puts it on the stump of his leg.
"Well!" she exclaims, "This is a surprise! But I'll get the vaseline and see what I can do."
The road was wet, the moon was high, we were alone, just her and I. The moon was bright, her eyes were too, I knew just what she wanted to do.. So with my courage, I did my best, and placed my hand, upon her breast. I knew she was ready, but I didn't know how..
It was my first time ever, milking a cow.
God, grant me the SERENITY to accept the things I can not change. The COURAGE to change the things I can
So me and my p**... friends have a weekly gathering...
Every week one of us brings a talent down the pub to show the others - this time it was my turn.
I brought along my guitar and after some Dutch courage I began to play.
Within a few seconds of starting the guys started cheering me on, one of them was even weeping, saying how amazing the song was.
I had no idea what the big deal was, I was just f**... A minor.
I knew a girl with a wooden eye in high school.
She got up the courage to ask this kid with a harelip out. So she asks "would you like to go to the dance with me?"
He says "Would I? Would I?"
She says "harelip harelip" and walks away.
So i used to be terrible at asking for things in restaurants...
I used to be too nervous to ask for condiments at restaurants... but one day i mustered the courage.
I didn't want to add Dijon to my sandwhich thinking it would be too spicy
But I mustard up the courage and did it anyway.
A boy thinks his English teacher is attractive
One day after school he finally works up the courage to tell her how he feels. "Ms. Smith you're smart and beautiful, can I have s**... with you?" The teacher responds, "I don't know, may you have s**... with me?"
A man walks into a bar
A man walks into a bar and sees h**.... He asks if he can sit with him and ask him some questions, h**... obliges. After a while the man works up the courage to ask more serious questions.
"How many people did you kill?" asks the man.
"Six million jews and one birthday clown" h**... answers.
The man's eyes widen.
"Why the clown?" the man asked, after a long period of silence.
h**... laughs. "I was only joking. See, nobody cares about the Jews!"
My best friend keeps b**... me for being a v**...
I haven't got the courage to tell him I slept with his sister.
A boy works up the courage to ask the girl he likes on a date
The girl, liking him back, agrees to go on the date.
The boy tells her "Before we go on our date, there's something I have to tell you about myself. I only eat insects."
The girl finds this to be very strange but accepts it because she likes him.
They go out to dinner and the girl orders a steak while the boy eats an arrangement of insects he brought from home.
In the parking lot after dinner the two lock eyes, lean in, and slowly kiss each other. After the kiss the girls eyes are lit up with magic and she asks the boy how their first kiss felt.
The boy replies "I've got butterflies in my stomach."
Why did TheJokeBot cross the busy highway road?
Because he was em**bold**ened by his courage.
I was at a bar when I finally got the liquid courage to talk to this guy...
And that was the night I broke up with him.
An amnesiac walks into a bar...
...and sees a beautiful woman sitting alone. After having a few drinks to get his courage up, he approaches her and asks, "Hey gorgeous, do I come here often?"
I was really nervous before going to my interview at the Coleman's factory...
But eventually I mustard up the courage.
What does Indiana Jones drink to reinforce his courage?
A snakebite shot chased by a rolling rock.
I was talking to a woman. After a while she told me she had never been on a date before.
She said, "I've never even asked a man out."
I said, "Why not?"
"I fear rejection," she replied.
"Well," I winked. "Why don't you ask me out?"
She plucked up the courage and said, "Do you...want...to go on a date?"
I said, "No, thanks. You're not my type."
What is the difference between an apple and a pear?
Anyone can grow an apple. It takes courage to grow a pear.
After days of refusing, the boy finally worked up the courage to climb a tall tree
He really went out on a limb
At the Bee Prom...
A young bee nervously flies around hoping to grab a dance with the queen bee. Finally he musters up the courage and talks to her. She looks at him and says "I'll dance with you if you get me some fruit punch"
Excited, the bee zooms to get the punch. He sees the line for nachos, the ice cream machine, the honey line, but after hours of searching he realizes...
There is no punch line
I finally found the courage to tell my little sister that I'm into i**...
She took it pretty hard
Guys I've finally found the courage to come forward about this #MeToo
I was victimized by EA's pay to win pricing strategy
Joe and his friends went to the costume party...
Joe and his friends went to the costume party and were really enjoying themselves.
Then a woman came in. She was wearing nothing at all, but was body-painted in white from head to toes.
The guys struggled to guess what that meant but after few drinks Joe gathered courage and went to ask.
"Excuse me, madam, we were wondering what are you dressed up as? Can you please tell us?"
The woman spreads her legs and says:
"Tooth decay, silly!"
It took a lot of courage but I finally told my girlfriend I couldn't see her anymore.
And of course, just as I expected, she nagged about me always misplacing my glasses.
A man sits down at a bar and orders ten shots of v**...
When the bartender finishes pouring them out the man pushes away the first and last shot glass. Another patron, sitting next to him, quietly observes the man doing the exact same thing three times before he gathers up the courage to ask why he doesn't drink the first and last one.
The man looks at him and says: "The first one never goes down properly and the last one always comes back up."
Donald Trump is draining the swamp. He has already fired Tillerson, Shulkin, Bannon, Scaramucci, Priebus
What Bigly courage our President has
Ig the Knight
Once upon a time, there was a soldier named Ig. In a recent battle, Ig showed courage and bravery, saving 20 men by himself!
To honour Ig's heroic act, the Queen of the kingdom was to knight him. Ig knelt before Her Majesty, as she tapped each shoulder of his with a sword. As she finished, Ig the Knight burst into flames! The Queen, astonished by what happened, asked her squire why he lit on fire.
Stunned, the squire spoke, "Ig...Knighted..."
After watching her daily for a few months I finally gathered courage to go talk to her.
Me: I think you are cute, how about we go watch a movie and dinner later tonite?
Her: Sorry, but I don't think coworkers are allowed to date per HR policy.
Me: that should not be a problem as I don't think of you as a coworker. I never see you doing any work.
Apparently the top bestseller in Japan right now is "The Courage to be Disliked"
It's aging well for a book printed in the 1930's.
My girlfriend kept insisting that I give her a ring...
It took a while to get comfortable with the idea \(it was a really big decision for me\), but finally I got enough courage to dial the number and have an actual telephone conversation with her.
If you hate living, but don't have the courage to commit s**......
Just go to Mexico and run for office!
Today I witnessed an elderly man being attacked by 2 men in the street so I summomed up some courage and decided to help.
He didn't stand a chance against the 3 of us.
Courage, Discipline, Faith. We are the total package.
Join the United States Postal Service.
I got up the courage to try the change machine at the laundromat today
But it must be out of order
my life is still the same
Finally got up enough courage to skinny dip...
...just can't attend the Baptist church any more.
I finally found the courage to break up with my violent and abusive sausage boyfriend
So you can imagine my horror when my friend tells me the wurst is behind you
I worked up the courage to call out my overweight cat today.
I asked him "If you're such a fat cat, where is all your money?"
After years of loneliness, I finaly gathered all my courage to take my ex out
It's good to be a s**... in the US army
My wife and I have been fighting for 5 years
We are both huge Star Wars fans, but Star Wars alone cannot save a marriage.
I finally got the courage to tell her I didn't think we were right for each other.
Wife - "OK"
Me - "OK? OK???!!! After five years that's all you have to say???"
Wife - "May diforce be with you."
A power plant blows up near a aquarium...
and I had to be the one to tell my boss about the mutated eels. After I gathered all my courage, I said to him
Sir, the eels have fur all over them and are humanoid too!
My boss looked so surprised and asked
Fur-eel man?
Donald Trump goes to the Wizard of Oz for some help...
He tells the wizard, "I have the best brains, the best heart and the best courage of anyone, but if I'm going to win this election I need to make sure that everyone knows."
The Wizard of Oz looks at him and says, "so you don't need brains, heart or courage? You just need to convince others that you have all three?
The Wizard digs around in a bag and pulls out a bumper sticker. "Here, put this on your car."
Biden 2020
I made a joke about ugly people the other day.
Someone walked up to me and hugged me and said " it takes courage to talk about your face"
My uncle's favorite joke.
A man with a wooden eye was always nervous asking girls to dance. He was always scared they would find his wooden eye too scary and say no. But he saw a pretty girl with a harelip across the dance floor and mustered up the courage to ask her to dance. Once he asked, she was ecstatic and couldn't believe someone asked her. She said, "Would I?! Would I?!". The man gets angry and says, "Harelip! Harelip!"
Trump was rushed to the hospital after learning that 3 Brazilians died from the Coronavirus
Lying in the hospital bed his face still white with shock, he finally got the courage to ask shakily and in a quiet voice, How many people is a brazillion?"
A man walks up to the Widow at a f**... and asks if he can say a word.
"Of course", she replies.
The man plucks up the courage and says, "Bargain".
The Widow looks at him, teary eyed and says,
"Thank you so much, that means a great deal".
A man works up courage to ask his wife how many s**... partners she had before him
She says "really?" and goes silent. Doesn't say anything in the morning. Or afternoon. Or the next day. After 3 days, husband approaches his wife and apologetically asks - "Why are you giving me the silent treatment? Are you mad at me for that s**... question?"
Raising her finger she says "Shhh. Be quiet, I'm still counting"
Lonely superman
So one day superman is flying around lonely when he noticed wonder women n**... on the beach having what looks like a w**....
He figures if he can fly down at the speed of light and do his business she would never even notice. After a few minutes he finally builds the courage and boom he goes in for the kill.
Wonder women in shock screams at the top of her voice "What the h**... was that?!" The invisible man in agonizing pain tells her "I have no idea but my a**... is killing me"
Somebody told my g/f it was s**... to bite her lip posing for photographs....
I still haven't found the courage to tell her its the bottom lip you bite......
(you just tried to bite your upper lip)
A man with a wooden eye watches people at the dance...
After always being the b**... of jokes or bullying, he was scared to ask any girl to dance with him. He always had a fancy for Betsy, who was born with a hairlip. He always figured since they shared a similar fate, she might sympathize with him. He finally mustered up enough courage and asked Betsy, "Would you dance with me?" She sprang up excited and said "Would I? Would I?!". The man angrily says, "Well, hairlip! Hairlip!"
Yesterday I learnt that I have a real problem with heroine addiction.
I have to have s**... with a woman admired for her courage, outstanding achievements, or noble qualities...
Two single people met up on handicap singles night after having no luck in years...
The man had a wooden peg leg, and the woman has a wooden eye. After finally getting up the courage, the woman asks the man if he would like to dance.
Would I? Would I? he yells excitedly.
In complete disgust, she yells back, Peg Leg! Peg Leg!
Two coworkers chat in the dining room
A: "Hey, you know what I did the other day? I found the courage to finally walk into the bosses office and assertively ask for a raise."
B:"Wow, really? How did it go?"
A:"We've reached a compromise. My pay doesn't change and in return I can keep my job."
