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Couples Therapy Jokes

10 couples therapy jokes and hilarious couples therapy puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about couples therapy that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Couples Therapy Funny Jokes to Tell Your Friends and Kids.

What is a good couples therapy joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.

[Couples Therapy] Her: I am sick of him being literal all the time!

Therapist: I see. And how do you feel?
Him: With my hands.

A married couple is in therapy

The therapist asks the husband, "When you are having s**..., what do most wish your wife would do?"
The husband answers, "She can do whatever she likes, so long as she doesn't come home without calling first."
(I just made that up.)

A couple goes to therapy

A couple goes to therapy to discuss their issues.
The therapist asks. So, why are we here today?
The husband quickly try to explain.
So what happened was, that I was cleaning up in the kitchen, while putting something away I spilled a bunch of dried herbs all over the place. My wife then yells for help with folding the sheets in the bedroom and I simply replied.
"I can't right now, I have too much thyme on my hands"

Socks are like unhappy couples in therapy

always trying to leave each other, only to be brought back together by a third party

A couple in therapy

The wife: "I'm just tired of him getting sayings wrong."
The therapist: "Do you really do that?"
The husband: "Oh, cry me a table!"

Socks are like unhappy couples in therapy...

Always trying to break up, only to be reunited by a third party.

A mute couple go to couple therapy.

They found out there was just no communication.

What do you do if your pants split?

Send them to couples therapy.

German Baby Joke I saw on QI

A British couple decided to adopt a German baby. They raised him for years, however they began to get worried because he never spoke, and they believed that he was mentally handicapped, going as far as to take him to therapy, which was fruitless.
Then, when the child was 8 years old, he had a Strudle, and said "It is a little tepid."
His parents, of course shocked that he was suddenly speaking, asked: "Wolfgang, why have you never spoken before?", to which the child replied:
"Up until now, everything had been satisfactory."

Thrifty therapy...

A couple, both aged 70, went to a s**... therapist's office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?" The man said, "Will you watch us have s**... i**...?" The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have i**...." The doctor charged them $82 for the session. This happened several weeks in a row: the couple would make an appointment, have i**... with no apparent problems, pay the doctor, and then leave. Finally the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?" The old man replied, "We're not trying to find anything out. She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Sheraton charges $90 and the Hilton charges $108. We do it here for $82, and I get $68 back from Medicare."

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