Couples Golf Jokes

36 couples golf jokes and hilarious couples golf puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about couples golf that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Best Short Couples Golf Jokes

Short couples golf jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The couples golf humour may include short golf wives jokes also.

  1. I was having trouble with my golf game so went to consult with a pro. He said I should take a break for a couple of weeks. Then I should quit.
  2. I don't know anything about golf... ...but I just watched it on TV for a couple minutes. It looks really easy. I'm sure I could get a very high score.

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Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about couples golf can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of couples golf puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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Couples Golf Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about couples golf you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean ladies golf jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make couples golf prank.

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife.

Their biggest fear was that there was no afterlife.
After a long life, the husband was the first to go, and true to his word he made contact, “Mary. Mary.”
“Is that you, Fred?”
“Yes, I’ve come back like we agreed.”
“What’s it like?”
“Well, I get up in the morning, I have s**..., I have breakfast, off to the golf course, I have s**..., I bathe in the sun, and then I have s**... twice. I have lunch, another romp around the golf course, then s**... pretty much all afternoon. After supper, golf course again. Then have s**... until late at night. The next day it starts again.”
“Oh, Fred you surely must be in heaven.”
“Not exactly, I’m a sheep in Wales.”

Wise Golfer

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.
The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you spend this on green fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?
The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking and golf."


A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there is s**... after death.
Their biggest fear was that there was no after life at all.
After a long life together, the husband was the first to die.
True to his word, he made the first contact:
"Marion... Marion"
"Is that you, Bob?"
"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."
"That's wonderful! What's it like?"
"Well, I get up in the morning, I have s**..., breakfast and then it's off to the golf course then I have s**... again, bathe in the warm sun, then have s**... a couple of more times."
"Then I have lunch (You'd be proud - lots of greens) another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have s**... the rest of the afternoon."
"After supper it's back to the golf course again, then it's more s**... until late at night, where I catch some much needed sleep, and then the next day it starts all over again."
"Oh, Bob are you in Heaven?"
"No...! I'm a rabbit in Arizona!"

Would you remarry?

John and Margaret; A married couple, are sitting at the breakfast table one Sunday morning when the wife asks,
"John, if I were to die, would you get remarried?"
John is bewildered and clearly upset,
"Now why would you ask a thing like that, Margaret? We're sitting here having a lovely breakfast and you have to go an ruin it asking depressing questions like that, I'm not answering."
Margaret, clearly realizing she's stepped over the line, immediately drops the questions, but later that night it nags at her, and so she asks again.
"John, I want you to answer, if I were to die would you get remarried?"
Again John is even more upset this time and berates her for bringing up such a morbid subject. Well, they go to bed, but at two in the morning Margaret sits up in bed, turns on the lamp and asks again,
"John! I want you to answer this time right now! If I were to die would you get remarried?"
John realizing that this is not a subject that will be dropped sits up in bed and sighs,
"Yes." He says
"Okay, okay.....Would you sell the house?"
John looks confused, ""
"Would you sell our bed?"
John again looks confused, "Well No, there's no reason too."
Margaret then asks a little distraught, " Well you certainly wouldn't let her touch my golf clubs, would you?"
To which John reply's, "Well no, of course not. She's left handed."

A couple of women are playing golf on one sunny Saturday morning...

The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball veered off into a f**... of men. Indeed the ball hit one of the men who then immediately clasped his hand near his c**... and went into a fetal position. The women rushed to his side and started to apologize. She said "Please allow me to help, I'm a physical therapist, I can relieve your pain." he denies the help and continues to roll around in his fetal position. After minutes of begging the women is finally allowed to help the man. First she unzipps his pants and starts to massage him. Once she is done she asks, "how do you feel now?" the man replies "that felt great but my THUMB still hurts a lot!"

Golfing rage.

A man and his wife are out golfing one day. The wife tees off and breaks a window on an expensive looking house. Feeling guilty the man decides to talk to the owner and pay for the damages.
They knock on the door, but nobody seems to answer. Being the nice couple they were they enter the house to leave a number. A man calmly walks down the stairs and proclaims "I am a genie and I own this house, since I am a generous man I will grant you two 3 wishes but as you see I am very lonely having no contact with hardly anyone the only thing I as is for granting you these 3 wishes I would wish to have s**... with your wife. The couple talk it over for a while and agree to the genie. The first wish, the man asks 'I wish for a million dollars.' 'done' says the genie. The wife says, 'I wish for a house on every corner of the earth.'
'As for the last wish, I wish for a cruise ship.'
His wife then leaves upstairs with the genie, after a couple hours the genie and his wife come down the stairs.
'So how was?' says the man.
'Good, but it surprises me you still believe in genies!'

Playing golf, when a f**... procession goes by

A couple of guys are out playing golf one fine day. o**... is about to take a swing, when a f**... procession turns onto the street next to the golf course. The guy stops in the middle of his swing, takes off his hat, and bows his head until the procession is out of sight.
"Wow!" says the second guy. "That was one of the most touching things I've ever seen. I can't believe you'd stop in midswing like that, just for a f**... procession."
"Well," says the first guy. "We were married for 35 years; it's the least I could do."

A Japanese and American businessman are closing a deal.....

The American was new in Japan and did not know the customs or language. He was a quick learner though and after weeks of negotiations, he sealed the deal.
The Japanese man says, "ask for anything to make your last couple of days more enjoyable.". The American says, well I'd love a beautiful Japanese woman if you know what I mean. The Japanese businessman fulfilled his promise and that night he had a japenese beauty in his bed. They start at it and the girl start shouting " mosuki mosuki". He goes harder and she yells in passion, " mosuki mosuki". The business man start thinking, that must mean good job or great. They part ways and he wakes up next morning to play golf with the business man. On the first green as the Japanese man is about to sink his pity he American thinks to impress him with his Japanese vocbulary. As he sinks the putt he says, "mosuki" the Japanese business man looks at him puzzled and asks. " what do you mean wrong hole?"

A middle aged couple had gotten their tax return . . .

and they were arguing over how to spend it. The husband wanted to spend it on a new set of golf clubs, while the wife insisted they use it to buy a new dishwasher. Seeing they were getting nowhere, the husband suggested, "All right, let's make a bet. Whoever has the hairiest chest gets the money. Deal?"
"Deal!" said the wife. She then promptly lifted her skirt, removed her p**... and said smugly, "I win!"
"That's not a chest!" insisted the husband.
"Oh no?" said the wife. "Before we got married it was your hope chest. Since we've been married you've used is for your tool chest. And if I don't get that dishwasher, it's going to be a community chest!"

A couple are in bed...

Laying in bed, a husband asks his wife, "Honey, if I died, would you remarry?"
"After a considerable period of grieving, I guess I would. We all need companionship."
"If I died and you remarried," the husband asks, "would he live in this house?"
"We've spent a lot of money getting this house just the way we want it. I'm not going to get rid of my house. I guess he would."
"If I died and you remarried, and he lived in this house," the husband asks, "would he sleep in our bed?"
"Well, the bed is brand new, and it cost us $2000. It's going to last a long time, so I guess he would have to."
"What about playing golf, would you play golf with him?"
"I love golf, so sure, I would play golf with him."
"Would he use my golf clubs?"
"Oh, no!" the wife replies. "He's left-handed!"

Always on duty

A doctor has some trouble with the sink, on a public holiday. He calls the local plumber, only to be told it's his day off.
"But I get called out on my days off, too!" says the doctor, somewhat exasperated, and the plumber relents.
The plumber arrives, and glances over the sink, looking preoccupied. He mumbles something about golf, then hands the doctor a couple of aspirin and walks out, saying,
"Put these in. If it doesn't clear up in 24 hours, come and see me tomorrow."

s**... After Death

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there is s**... after death. Their biggest fear was that there was no after life at all.

After a long life together, the husband was the first to die. True to his word, he made the first contact:

"Marion .... Marion"
"Is that you, Bob?"
"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."
"That's wonderful! What's it like?"
"Well, I get up in the morning, I have s**.... I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course. I have s**... again, bathe in the warm sun and then have s**... a couple of more times.. Then I have lunch (you'd be proud - lots of greens). Another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have s**... the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it's back to the golf course again. Then it's more s**... until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep, and then, the next day it starts all over again!
"Oh, Bob! Are you in Heaven?"
"No -- I'm a rabbit somewhere in South Carolina.

My grandpa told me this one.

So an older couple is discussing the inevitable matter of death. The wife asks her husband, "If I die before you do, will you remarry?" To which the husband replies, "Well, I don't want to be lonely for the rest of my life, so yes." The wife then asks, "What about the house? Will you live in the same house?" And the husband says, "Well, I suppose, I mean, it's already paid for." The wife, getting a little protective, asks, "And what about my car? Will she drive my car?" The husband says again, "Well, it's already paid for..."
The wife, annoyed at this point, shoots, "What about my golf clubs?!?" And the husband says, "Oh, no. She's left handed."

Cheating for "Good" Reasons

An elderly couple was having dinner one evening when the husband reached across the table, took his wife's hand in his and said, "Martha, soon we will be married 50 years, and there's something I have to know. In all of these 50 years, have you ever been unfaithful to me?"
Martha replied, "Well Henry, I have to be honest with you. Yes, I've been unfaithful to you three times during these 50 years, but always for a good reason.
Henry was obviously hurt by his wife's confession, but said, "I never suspected. Can you tell me what you mean by 'good reasons?'"
Martha said, "The first time was shortly after we were married, and we were about to lose our little house because we couldn't pay the mortgage.
Do you remember that one evening I went to see the banker and the next day he notified you that the loan would be extended?"
Henry recalled the visit to the banker and said, "I can forgive you for that. You saved our home, but what about the second time?"
Martha asked, "And do you remember when you were so sick, but we didn't have the money to pay for the heart surgery you needed? Well, I went to see your doctor one night and, if you recall, he did the surgery at no charge."
"I recall that," said Henry. "And you did it to save my life, so of course I can forgive you for that. Now tell me about the third time."
"Alright," Martha said. "So do you remember when you ran for president of your golf club, and you needed 73 more votes?"

Out on the golf course, a beautiful woman asks three men for some help with her putt.

"Whichever of you can help me sink this putt, I will give that guy a night he will never forget."
The teenager walks over, eyes up the putt for a couple of minutes, and finally says, "Lady, aim that putt six inches to the right of the hole. The ball will break left 12 inches from the hole and go in the cup."
The middle-aged man walks up and says, "Don't listen to the youngster! Aim 12 inches to the right, and the ball will break left two feet from the hole and fall into the cup."
The elderly man looks at the other two men in disgust, picks up the ball, drops it into the cup, takes her by the arm and says, "That's a Gimme."

Priest and nun playing golf.

A priest and a nun are playing golf. The nun, on the first course, swing and hit the ball, right in the hole at the first strike. The priest hit the ball and threw it around. "Fxxx! I've missed!" said the priest. The nun glance at him and disagrees, moving the head. On the second hole, same scene: the nun succeded at the first strike, the priest threw it in the woods and started yelling: "Fxxx! I've missed!". The nun started complaining. Third hole, and following same exact scene. The priest shouts: "Fxxx! I've missed!" louder and louder. After another couple of holes, the nun said: "Enough! Stop dirty talking! If I hear you once more, may the sky strike you with a lightning!". The priest is very sorry and keep playing in silence. On the last hole, the nun scores in one strike. The priest threw the ball in a sand bunker and yelled: "Fxxx! I've missed!". The sky open itself and a enormous lightning strikes... the nun! From above the priest heard a voice: "Fxxx! I've missed!"

A man and his wife are playing golf . . .

on an old country course. The man shanks a drive on the back nine and his ball ends up next to a barn. He gets the bright idea to open both the barn doors and hit through rather than hitting around.
He whacks the ball and it flies into the barn. It then hits a beam and ricochets back out, hitting his wife in the head and killing her instantly.
A year or so later he's playing the same course with a couple of buddies. On the same hole, he shanks his drive again and ends up right next to the barn.
They go over to look at his ball and one of his buddies suggests that he open the barn doors to hit through.
"No way, not on your life!" the guy screams.
"Why on earth not?" the buddy asks.
"I hit that exact same shot about a year ago . . .," his voice quivered and his eyes started to mist, "and, and, and, I ended up with an 8 on this hole."

A woman heads to the golf course...

A woman and a couple of her friends head out for 9 holes at their local golf course. None of them are particularly good at the game, so after a couple of drinks the woman ends up making a horrible shot and sends the ball shooting wildly across the course.
In her surprise she forgets to yell fore, and a moment later there's a howl from a gentleman on the cart path. His club bag is on the ground and he's got his hands between his legs as he swears loudly. The woman rushes over in a tizzy. "I'm so incredibly sorry! Let me make it up to you. You'll feel much better." "Really ma'am, you don't have to worry-" The man says, but the woman has already stooped to her knees, undone his belt and begun expertly fellating him. After a few minutes she looks up at him. "See? That must feel much better." The man says, "Well that was lovely. But I think my thumb is still broken..."

Cheating Golfers

An old married couple were golfing one day. On the first hole, the husband stopped mid-swing and broke down. "I can't take it any more, I have to tell you! 20 years ago, just before we were married, I cheated on you with your best friend Sally!" His wife said, "Oh, why even bring that up- it was so long ago. I forgive you sweetheart". The husband was relieved, and they continued the game. On the 18th hole, his wife stopped her s**... mid-swing as well, and broke down. She said, "I have something to confess as well. 25 years ago, before we were married, I had gender reassignment surgery. I was born a man." Her husband throws a tantrum, and is carrying on all over the tee box when he yells out, "This whole time, FOR ALL THESE YEARS???! You were playing from the Ladies tees?!?!"

Hall s**...

Three guys were standing around the golf course talking about how often they have s**... with their wives.
The first guys says, "I'm lucky if I get s**... once a month. and if we do its just regular old m**... style s**...." The other two guys shake their heads in understanding.
The second guy says, "I get to have s**... with my wife a couple of times a month and she lets me do it m**... and d**...." The other two guys again shake their heads in understanding.
The third guy says, "me and my wife have s**... every day." His two buddies look at him in amazement and one of them asks, "What kind of s**... do yall have?" The guys looks at him and says, "We have hall s**...."
His buddies look at him and one says, "Hall s**...? I've never heard of that."
The guy looks at him and says, "When we pass each other in the hall we look at each other and say, 'Fuck You'."

A couple are celebrating their golden wedding anniversary....

A couple are celebrating their golden wedding anniversary when the husband asks his wife if she's ever been unfaithful.
"Three times," answer the wife. "Remember when you needed money to start up your business and no one would give you any? Well I slept with the bank manager to secure you a loan."
"You made that sacrifice for me?" asks the astonished husband. "That was wonderful of you. What was the second time?"
"Remember that operation you needed that no one would perform because it was too dangerous? Well, I slept with the surgeon so he'd do it."
"Oh my God," says the husband. "You saved my life. And what was the third time?"
"Well," says his wife, "Remember when you wanted to be president of the golf club and you were 52 votes short...?"

An older man is feeling a bit under the weather and goes to see the doctor.

His wife comes along, and after a full physical and a battery of tests, the doctor meets the two of them in his office. He makes small talk, tells the man he is fine, and then asks to speak with the wife privately. After the man leaves, the doctor turns to the wife and says, "Your husband is gravely ill. He may make it, but in order to get there, you've got to treat him well, spoil him, give him whatever he wants to eat, let him play golf whenever he wants, let him watch all the football he wants, make sure he doesn't have any stress at all, and most importantly, give him s**... whenever he wants it."
The couple leaves, and as they are driving away, the man turns to his wife and says eagerly "Well, *what did he say?*"
After a long pause the wife looks at him and says, "You're gonna die."


A policeman was patrolling a local parking spot overlooking a golf course. He drove by a car and saw a couple inside with the dome light on. There was a young man in the driver's seat reading a computer magazine and a young lady in the back seat knitting. He stopped to investigate.
He walked up to the driver's window and knocked.
The young man looked up, cranked the window down, and said, "Yes, officer?"
"What are you doing?" the policeman asked.
"What does it look like?" answered the young man. "I'm reading a magazine."
Pointing towards the young lady in the back seat, the officer then asked, "And what is she doing?"
The young man looked over his shoulder and replied, "What does it look like? She's knitting."
"And how old are you?" the officer then asked the young man.
"I'm nineteen," he replied.
"And how old is she?" asked the officer.
The young man looked at his watch and said, "Well, in about twelve minutes she'll be eighteen."

s**... After Death

A couple made a deal that whomever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife.
Their biggest fear was that there was no after life.
After a long life together, the husband was the first to die. True to his word, he made the first contact, 'Judy ..Judy.':
'Is that you, Steve?'
'Yes, I've come back like we agreed.'
That's wonderful! What's it like?'
'Well, I get up in the morning, I have s**... I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course. I have s**... again, bathe in the warm sun and then have s**... a couple of more times. Then I have lunch (you'd be proud - lots of greens) another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have s**... the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it's back to golf course again. Then it's more s**... until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again.'
'Oh, Steve you surely must be in Heaven!'
'Not exactly . I'm a rabbit on a golf course in Arizona.'

A couple walk Into the clubhouse after a round of golf.

The pro asks "how was you round?" The husband says "it was good but my wife got stung by a bee". "Where did she get stung?" "Between the first and second hole". The pro says "well her stance was too wide."

Jesus and Paul are playing golf

Jesus hits his ball out into the middle of a water hazzard. He walks on the water and hits the ball to within a couple of feet of the cup.
The greens keeper walks up to Paul and says "who does he think he is? Jesus Christ?"
Paul replies "no, he think's he's Arnold Palmer"

A man went to China.

He hired a p**... to keep him company during the night, and when things got serious, she kept shouting a word in Chinese.
The next day, the man went to a golf course with a couple of business associates. They had a good afternoon until a person hit a hole in one. Everyone started shouting in excitement, and the man decided to join in, shouting the word he hears last night, thinking it was that of excitement.
Everyone turned to the man in silence. After a full minute of awkward silence, the one who made the shot asked "What do you mean, wrong hole?"

A married couple go golfing every year for their anniversary.

During their 50th anniversary outing, the husband says, "Honey, I love you very much but I have to be honest with you. Early in our marriage I had an affair. It was strictly s**..., and it ended quickly."
His wife smiles and forgives him, but after a couple holes says, "Since we're confessing old transgressions, I should tell you that before we were married... I was a man."
The husband pauses, then becomes furious. He throws his hat to the ground, turns beat red and paces around. Finally he says, "You mean to tell me I've let you tee off from the women's tee all these years for nothing!"

An American businessman

An American businessman travels to Japan to do business with a Japanese company.
He is in his 50's so he hasn't had s**... in years so he decided to hire a p**... .
He led her to his room and started railing on her , it was great s**... but she kept on yelling this same Japanese phrase that he didn't know.
A couple months later he was back in America and was golfing with his Japanese friend.
His friend was really great at golf and he got a whole in one .
He wanted to impress his friend on his Japanese so he said the same phrase that the p**... told him.
His Japanese friend turned to him confused and said
Wrong hole?

An old married couple is laying in bed one night

And the woman turns to the man and says, "we're both old so one of us is going to die soon, but if I die first are you going to remarry?"
The man says, "No no, I will never remarry you're the only one for me."
But the wife insists and she says, "no I want you to remarry if I die, but the next question is will you take down my pictures after you remarry."
The husband says, "How could I? I would want to keep your memory on until my dying days.
But the wife isn't satisfied and she asks one more question,
"Would you give her my golf clubs?"
And the husband says, "Of course not she's left handed."

A couple decided to get married after only dating for a few weeks

As they came to the bedroom to consummate the marriage, the husband looked into his wife's eyes:
Honey, I haven't been completely honest. I am a golf addict. I think about golf all the time, I dream of golf and every chance I get I'm going to go and have a round.
OK said the wife. As long as we're being honest, I have something to tell you too.
Go on said the husband tentatively
I'm a h**... .
That's OK said the husband. You've just got to make sure you keep your left arm straight and your head down longer.

A m**... breaks in to a Republican couple's house while they're asleep...

A m**... breaks in to a Republican couple's house while they're asleep.
He turns on the lights and begins tying them each to a chair.
Before he can grab the wife, the husband yells: "Honey, my birthday presents! Use them!"
The woman nods in agreement and rips open her top to reveal a pair of enormous, symmetrical plastic h**....
The husband yells: "No! I meant the golf clubs from last year!"

Old old married couple was out golfing

The husband was about to putt and he stopped. He looked at his wife of 50+ years and said he needed to confess something.
40 years ago I had an affair and I'm so very sorry and I regret it every day.
That's okay said his wife. It was a very long time ago and we've had a wonderful life together.
It was her turn to putt and she stops. Turns and looks at her husband. I just want you to know that before we were married I was a man.
Her husband get very angry and yells. You son of a b**...! You've been hitting from the ladies tee's for 50 years!

A joke I was told by an old man I golfed with.

A man was at the bar with a couple of his neighbors. One of his friends says "Have you seen that new pool boy the Johnsons hired? I heard he's had his way with all the women in the neighborhood except one."
Worried, the man goes home and confronts his wife. "Honey I heard the new pool boy has had with every woman in the neighborhood except one, do you know anything about that?" She replies "hmm, I bet it's Betty, she's a real p**...."

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these couples golf jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.