Couple Fight Jokes

36 couple fight jokes and hilarious couple fight puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about couple fight that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Best Short Couple Fight Jokes

Short couple fight jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The couple fight humour may include short husband wife fighting jokes also.

  1. If a married couple in the city get in a fight, it's called domestic violence. In the country it's called sibling rivalry.
  2. It's normal for married couples to fight. The trick is for you and your spouse to find a couple you can easily beat up.
  3. A married couple were fighting... ...when they drove past a farm full of pigs. The husband then asked his wife, "Family of yours?" The wife looked at the pigs, then replied, "Yea, in-laws."
  4. Fighting Couple A married couple were fighting. Deciding it was time to go to bed, the husband says, "goodnight, mother of six!" to which she replies Goodnight father of two!"
  5. A couple had a A couple had a fight one night,
    Going to bed husband said,
    Good night mother of my three kids,
    Wife said,
    Good night father of none.
  6. A couple is fighting "I'm breaking up with you. I can't stand it you being so cockyall the time!"
    "Yeah yeah, close the door on your way back in."
  7. I hate when couples fight in public And I show up halfway through, I'm totally lost and I don't know which side to pick.
  8. I hate when a couple argues in public but I missed the start and don't know whose side I'm on.
  9. I know a German couple who keep fighting in the butchers I think they should just get die wurst.
  10. Before telephones were invented, fighting couples would actually make up over telegraph. But first they had to learn re-Morse code.

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Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about couple fight can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of couple fight puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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Couple Fight One Liners

Which couple fight one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with couple fight? I can suggest the ones about fight with wife and couples inside.

  1. Just saw a couple of Arab princes having a fight. They were having a Sheik up
  2. The penguin couple got into another fight They really are on thin ice

Couple Fight Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about couple fight you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean married couple jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make couple fight prank.

A married couple are having a fight.

Finally the wife screams at the husband to get out of the house. She throws his suitcases at him and he packs his things. On his way out, the woman says, "I hope you die the slowest, most miserable, most agonizing death imaginable." So he turns and says, " What, so now you want me to stay?"

A married couple is fighting

A married couple is fighting when the wife says, I don't want you in this house anymore, pack your s**... and get out. Husband starts packing as the wife is still nagging him. The husband opens the door to leave and just as he is walking out the wife says, I hope you die a slow and painful death you son of a b**... . The husband stops and says, I don't understand, do you want me to stay

A one-armed eldery man and his wife step into a restaurant in Paris

The man orders a steak while his wife goes for a salad. The waiter sees the man struggle with his steak, as he only has one arm. The waiter feels bad for the man, but doesn't want to ask him if everything is alright because he might embarrase the man. At one point the man leaves the table to go to the bathroom and the waiter approaches the woman.
"Is everything alright?" He asks. The woman tells him that her husband lost his arm in the second world war when he was fighting in Paris. The waiter tells his manager they've got a proper veteran in their restaurant and the manager doesn't think twice. "Everyone that fought for our freedom eats for free!"
The waiter brings them the good news and the couple is much delighted. After dinner the manager and the waiter e**... the couple to the door. When holding the door open for the veteran he looks at the manager and says "Vielen dank für die guten abend"

A married couple have set the words "phone call" if one want to have s**....

One day they have a fight and didn't talk.
The husband said to his kid " tell your mother I want to make a phone call"
The wife told him to tell his father "I don't have enough credit to make a call"
The husband told his kid to tell his wife he will make a phone call outside.
The wife told his kid to tell him " if you did that I will turn the house into a call center"

This husband wins the fight every time.

A newlywed couple are having their first big fight since being married. Things start getting heated when the husband angrily says "You know I'm right, I'm twice as smart as you!" Furious, the wife asks incredulously "What the heck, how could you say that!" The husband responds, "Well, just look at who I married compared to who you married, and tell me who is smarter!"
Use this one with caution in your own marriage :-)

A couple is driving up to the mountains...

.. and they are in a huge fight. The man and woman are arguing loudly for so long they are tired out. The woman then feels that she should get the last word in, and so as they pass a pasture of cows she turns to her husband and asks "Relatives of yours?" The man replies "Yes, in-laws."

So, Will Smith is playing the genie from Aladdin, well then

West Philadelphia born and raised, in a genie lamp is where I spend most of my days. Chillin out back and relaxing all cool til Aladdin showed up with little Abu then a couple of guys who were up to no good..Jafar started taking over my neighborhood. I got in one little fight and my master got scared he said if you mingle with the street rats don't come back near here.

Why do couples fight?

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 100 in about 3 seconds.'
I bought her a weighing scale.
And then the fight started....

Marriage Vows

A young couple were having their first fight, and it was a big one.
After a while, the husband said "When we got married, you promised to love, honor and obey."
His bride replied, "I know. But I didn't want to start an argument in
front of all those people."

Two older couple…

Two older couple in their 80's rented a room at a fancy hotel on the 59th floor. They got into an argument and the woman threaten to jump out the window. The old guy call down to the front office and asked to speak with the manager. He said " look hmm me and my wife just got into a big fight and now she's threatening to jump out the window." The manager replied "I am so sorry to hear that, but normally we don't get involve in domestic situations." The old man replied "look a**... I don't need your help ok I just want you to send the maintenance guy up here to open the d**... window already."

In an all out fight between a married couple

The wife says: I would be better of marrying the devil instead of you!
The husband replies: no you couldn't. Marriage between family members is not legal!

A couple is fighting more than usual these last few years...

After each fight the wife goes directly to the bathroom and cleans it. Once they make up the husband ask the wife
Why do you clean the bathroom every time we fight?
The wife looks at her husband, it's not only soothing but I use your toothbrush to scrub the toilet

Dear Couples Who Fight In Public, stop trying to whisper and would it kill you to include some backstory.

Q: Why did Mexico send only a couple thousand Mexicans to fight in the Alamo?
A: Because they only had 4 trucks.

Why do couples hold hands during their wedding day?
it is just a formality like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!!

A man, who usually gets drunk, walks into a bar...

...and requests the bartender for two beers.
"Can I have 2 beers for the fight" - says the man.
The bartender gives him the beers, and he drinks them.
Here he goes again: "Can I have 2 extra beers for the fight" - he says again.
Again, the confused bartender gives him the beers, and the man again drinks them. But he wants a couple more, so, he goes again:
"Can I have 2 more beers for the fight" - he says, mid drunk.
But the angry bartender can't stand anymore, and says:
"I'm tired. What fight do you want the beers for?"
**"The one that you and me are going to make because I have no money"**

A man and his wife had a fight...

They decided to give each other silence for a while. The man's alarm clock had broken down a couple of days ago, so when he had to get up at 5:00 AM to catch his flight for a business trip, he wrote on a piece of paper: "Can you please wake me up at 5:00?", and laid it on his wife's beddrawer before he went to sleep.
The next morning he woke up, and he was shocked to see it had already been 9:00 AM, and therefore he had missed his flight. He was just about to go ask his wife why she hadn't woken him up, when he found a piece of paper on his beddrawer with the text: "It's 5:00 AM, wake up".

A Russian couple walks down a street in Moscow when the man feels a drop hit his nose.

"I think it's raining," he says to his wife.
"No, that feels like snow to me, dear," she replies.
Just then, a minor communist party official walks towards them.
"Let's not fight about it," the man says. "Let's ask Comrade Rudolph whether it's officially raining or snowing."
"It's raining, of course" Comrade Rudolph says and walks on.
But the woman insists, "I know that felt like snow."
To which the man quietly says, "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."
Credit to /u/Bidonet

A couple had fight

A couple had fight and did not talk to each other. One day, because the husband had to wake up early the next morning, he needed his wife to wake him up around 4 am. But he did not want to talk to her first so he grabbed a paper and a pencil and wrote, "wake me up around 4. I have to get up early for my job."
The next morning, the husband was so furious because he woke up around 9. He was late because his wife did not wake her up. Then he saw a note at the table beside the bed, "wake up. It's 4."
Sorry for my bad english.

Heard this one over Christmas, I can only apologise.

Back in the pre-glasnost days a Russian couple were walking down the street in Moscow, when the man felt a drop hit his nose.
"I think it's raining", he said to his wife.
"No, that felt more like snow to me", she replied.
"No, I'm sure it was just rain" he said.
Well, as these things go, they were about to have a major argument about
whether it was raining or snowing.
Just then they saw a Communist Party official walking toward them.
"Let's not fight about it", the man said, "Let's ask Comrade Rudolph
whether it's officially raining or snowing.
As the official approached, the man said "Tell us, Comrade Rudolph, is it officially raining or snowing?"
"It's raining, of course", he replied,and walked on.
But the woman insisted: "I know that felt like snow!", to which the man
quietly replied,
"Rudolph the Red, knows rain, dear."

A man suspects his wife of cheating...

A man suspects his wife of cheating on him so he waits for her to leave that night and jumps in a taxi to follow her. He finds she's been working in a brothel.
The guy says to the taxi driver, "hey, wanna make £50?"
The taxi driver says, "sure, what do I have to do?"
The guy tells him all he has to do is go inside the brothel and grab his wife, put her in the back of the taxi and drive them both him. The taxi driver goes in.
A couple of minutes later the brothel door is kicked open; the driver is dragging a woman out who is k**..., biting, punching and fighting all the way to the taxi.
The driver opens the taxi door, pushes her in and tells the man, "here, hold her!"
The man looks at the woman and says to the driver, "THIS AIN'T MY WIFE".
The driver replies, "I KNOW, IT'S MINE; I'M GOING BACK IN FOR YOURS!"

A specimen, you ask?

So Mrs. O'Reilly, a dear old lady, hadn't been feeling too well lately, and she tells her husband, he tells her to give it a couple of days and if she still doesn't feel better, he'd take her to the doctor. A couple days pass, and dear old Mrs. O'Reilly isn't feeling any better so they make the trip to the hospital. The doctor gave Mrs. O'Reilly a full physical, checking anything that could be wrong but to no prevail, so he told her that he would need a specimen to be sure of what was making the old lady ill. Mrs. O'Reilly said okay and that she would return at her next appointment with the specimen. During the ride home, the car was silent between Mrs. O'Reilly and her husband until he finally asked what was wrong, she replied that the doctor would need a specimen, but she hadn't an idea what it was, her husband shrugged and said he hadn't the slightest, they agreed that Mrs. O'Reilly would ask their nice neighbor Ms. Thomas if she knew what it was when they got home. When they arrived, the husband went inside and Mrs. O'Reilly went over to Ms. Thomas' home. Mrs. O'Reilly returned about a half hour later, all beaten up, hair askew and winded, her husband asked her what happened, she replied "i knocked on the door, was let in and asked Ms. thomas is she knew what a specimen was, she replied, p**... in a bottle' to which i retorted s**... in a hat!' and the fight was on!"

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these couple fight jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.