The Best 60 Coup Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Coup jokes. There are some coup mugabe jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these coup mutiny puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Coup Jokes and Puns

So an old couple was getting ready for bed...

...when the old lady throws off her robe, revealing the skimpy negligee that she was wearing, jumps on her husband and yells "SUPER SEX!".

The man takes one look at his wife and says, "Well if you don't mind, I would like the soup."

Old couple in church...

An old couple is sitting in church one morning, listening to a sermon, when the wife whispers, "I just let out a silent fart. What should I do?"

Her husband whispers back, "Well, for starters, you can put a new battery in your hearing aid."

A couple of newlyweds on were on their honeymoon and moments before the passionate love making commenced, the wife says to the husband, "Please, be gentle, I'm still a virgin."


The husband was shocked and replied, "How's this possible? You've been married *three* times before!"

The wife responds, "Well, my first husband was a gynecologist and all he wanted to do was look at it. My second husband was a psychiatrist and all he wanted to do was talk about it. Finally, my third husband was a stamp collector and all he wanted to do was...oh, *god*, I miss him!"

Coup joke, A couple of newlyweds on were on their honeymoon and moments before the passionate love making comme

I heard on the news

Stoners took over a town
This was a high coup

A couple of whales.

A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier.

He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the same side of the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink." They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank.

Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore.The male was enraged that they were going to get away and said to the female, "Lets swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore."

At this point, the male whale realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him."What's the matter, Darling?"
"Look, Love," she said, "I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen".


A couple are walking through St Petersburg Square on Christmas Eve

They feel a slight precipitation.

The man says, "I think it's raining."

His wife disagrees, "No, it's snowing!"

Unable to agree, the man says, "why don't we ask the nice Communist officer over here? He's always right! Officer Rudolf, is it raining or snowing?"

"Definitely raining," said the officer before walking off.

"See?" the husband says, "Rudolf the Red knows rain, dear."

A couple is walking in St. Petersburg Square on Christmas Eve

They feel a slight precipitation.

"I think it's raining," says the man.

"No, it's snowing," replies the woman.

"How about we ask this Communist officer here? He is always right!" exclaims the man. "Officer Rudolph, is it raining or snowing?"

"Definitely raining," Officer Rudolph replies before walking off.

The man turns to his wife with a smile. See? Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.

Coup joke, A couple is walking in St. Petersburg Square on Christmas Eve

A couple is walking in Moscow when they feel a slight precipitation

The husband says "ah, it's raining"

The wife replies "no it's snowing"

"How about we ask this communist officer here" replies the husband, "he is always right!,

"Officer Rudolph, Is it raining or snowing?"

"definitely raining" replies Rudolph before walking off

"see?" says the husband,

"Rudolph the red knows rain, dear"

A couple of guys at the start of a bridge with signs

The sign reads **"THE END IS NEAR. TURN YOURSELF AROUND NOW BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE."**

A car speeds through yelling at them *"F*** off you religious nuts!"*

The two guys turn around just in time to see the car disappear into the water.

*"Ya think we should just have our signs say BRIDGE CLOSED instead?"*

Just saw a couple of dudes trying to grab an old lady's purse so I ran over to help.

We got it off her eventually

An old couple went on holiday to Jerusalem..

...But on the trip the wife died. A local priest then told the husband that he had two options. He could get her buried in Jerusalem for $30, or he could fly her back to their own country and get her buried there for $200. The husband quickly said that he wanted her buried at home. The priest didn't understand this and asked the husband why he didn't just bury her in Jerusalem. After all it was one of the holiest cities in the world, and he could save some money. The husband then told him that long ago a man was buried in this city, and 3 days later he resurrected from the dead, and he was definitely not willing to risk that happening with his wife.

You can explore coup pigeons reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean coup recep dad jokes. There are also coup puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Couple went to Jerusalem...

And the wife died there..

Priest : Sending her body to home will cost you $10,000 , but burial in this holy city will cost just $100.

Man : I'll take the body home.

Priest : Oh,you must really love your wife a lot...

Man : Nothing like that father.....
Just that Jesus was buried here......
and he came alive the third day...

Old couple goes to a fast food restorant.

They order one burger and fries, sit down and divide the burger and fries. A man from table next to them sees that and asks politely: "If you want, I can buy some extra food for you." "No thanks, we are a old couple, we share everything." Time goes by and the man is eating, but the woman is not. From the table next to them, the man asks again:"I really have no problem buying you food." Man replies:"Dodnt worry about it, she will eat! We share everything" But the stranger is not happy with that and asks the woman:"Why are you not eating?" Woman looks at him and says:"I am waiting for the teeth."

A couple after a divorce are at court over who could keep the child.

So the mother goes:" i carried that child for 9 long months and gave birth to it under a lot of pain. I should keep it.

The judge asks the father if he has anything to add.

The father calmly replies:" let me explain this situation with a metaphor; if you walk up to a coca-cola machine, put in a dollar and a coke comes out, does the coke belong to you or the machine?"

As a couple gets into bed, the husband starts to rub and kiss his wife.

She turns over and says, "I'm sorry, honey. I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow, and I want to stay fresh." The husband sadly turns over. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife. "Do you have a dentist appointment, too?"

Why are there no coups in the US?

It is the only country without a US embassy.

(heard from a Brazilian friend)

Coup joke, Why are there no coups in the US?

A couple are talking

Her: Come over. Him: I'm coming over. Her: We should really stop using walkie talkies in bed, over.

A couple of Irishmen are walking down a country road . . .

They see a sign that says "Tree Fellers wanted".

One of them turns to the other and says, "Dammit. Too bad there's only two of us."

A couple walk Into the clubhouse after a round of golf.

The pro asks "how was you round?" The husband says "it was good but my wife got stung by a bee". "Where did she get stung?" "Between the first and second hole". The pro says "well her stance was too wide."


There is no Turkey in the coop.

But there's a coup in Turkey.

What sound does a Turkey make?

"coup coup"

A couple have a lot of sex

They challenge each other to see who can have the most sex in a month. The woman wins.

Some say she cheated.

Saw an old couple arguing at each other in public yesterday

Apparently one of them is going to be president

A couple finds a wounded skunk on the road. 'Where do I put it?' the lady asks...

A man and a woman are driving along when they see a wounded skunk on the side of the road. They stop, the woman gets out, picks it up, and brings it into the car.

She says, Look, it's shivering … it must be cold. What should I do?

He says, Put it between your legs.

She says, What about the smell?

He says, Hold its nose.

A couple was walking in St. Petersburg Square on Christmas Eve

A couple was walking in St. Petersburg Square on Christmas Eve.

"I think it's raining," says the man.

The woman replies, "No, it's snowing."

"Let's ask this communist officer here. He's always right," explains the man. "Officer Rudolph, is it raining or snowing currently?"

"Definitely raining," Officer Rudolph replied.

The man turns to his wife and says, "Rudolph the red knows rain, dear."

Couple in a Restaurant – Joke

Husband and wife were having dinner at a fancy restaurant…

As the food was served, Husband said:
The Food looks delicious, let's eat.

Wife: Honey.. You say prayer before eating at home.
Husband: That's at home sweetheart… Here the chef knows how to cook.

A couple got into an argument...

A couple got into an argument while on a drive through the countryside. It got quite heated and neither of the two wanted to concede, so they sat in silence for several kilometers.

As they passed a farm full of pigs bathing in mud, the wife spoke up and said:

"Relatives of yours?"

The man replied:

"In-laws."

Couple of girlfriends decided to go out on girls night.

But they had nothing to talk about, because all of them showed up.

A couple was having a conversation, when...

...the husband turns to his wife and tells her: "I bet you can't say one thing that will make me happy and sad at the same time."

The wife thinks about it for a second and then replies: "Yours is bigger than your friends'."

An old couple is sitting in church

The wife turns to the husband and says, "I just let out a silent fart. What should I do."

"Put new batteries in your hearing aids."

Why do some couples not go to the gym?

Some relationships don't work out...

A couple go to a restaurant...

And when their food arrives, the husband says

"Wow, this looks great! Let's dig in!"

Without another word, he starts devouring his plate. Meanwhile his wife glares disapprovingly at him.

"At Home, you *always* say grace"

Swallowing, the husband replies.

"Honey, that's at home. Here, the chef actually knows how to cook"

A couple dies and goes to heaven

They are greeted at the pearly gates by Saint Peter. As they are being processed for admission they decide to ask Saint Peter if they can get married in heaven.

Saint peter tells them he will find out and get back to them. Finally, after 2 months he returns to the couple and tells them "yes, you can get married in heaven."

The couple then proceeds to ask him "what if it does not work out, can we also get a divorce?" To which Saint Peter tells them, "it took me 2 months to find you a priest, how long do you think it will take me to find you a lawyer?"

A couple of friends are drinking at a bar

One friend spots a couple of old drunks at the end of the bar and says "that'll be us in ten years".

The other friend looks and says "That's a mirror dumbass".

Do you know why a chicken coup only has two doors?

If it had four it would be a chicken sedan

Two couples decided to swap partners for sex

Two couples decided to swap partners for sex.

Afterwards, one of the guys said," That felt great! I wonder how the girls are doing."

A couple just finalized their adoption of a Japanese baby.

Shortly after, they signed up for Japanese lessons and explained that they had just adopted a baby.

"How nice!" said the teacher.

"Yeah," they agreed. "He'll be talking in a couple years and we want to be able to understand him!"

A couple is dining in a restaurant when suddenly the waitress catches the man slowly sliding under the table

She sees that the woman is not bothered by this and assumes the worst...
Thinking how to approach the situation, she slowly gets to the table and quietly tells the woman:
"Ma'am, I think your husband just slid under the table for no apparent reason"
The woman turns her head and whispers:
"You're wrong my dear, my husband just entered the restaurant..."

A couple of guys stole hundreds of cans of Red Bull from our neighborhood store.

I don't know how they can sleep at night.

A couple was having a party at their house.

An hour before the party the woman found out that she still needed escargots. So she sent her husband out to get it. He was walking to the supermarket and he figured he had lots of time. So he stopped at the bar on the way. An hour and a half later he looked at his watch and realized that the party had already started. He quickly ran to the market, bought the snails and ran home. He tried to sneak into the kitchen without his wife seeing him. But at that moment his wife came out. He quickly threw the snails on the floor and said, "Come on guys, we're almost there."

The couple next door have just made a sex tape.

They just don't know it yet.

Why did the couple get married in Bangkok?

Because they wanted to Thai the knot.

A couple is walking in St. Petersburg Square on Christmas Eve. They feel a slight precipitation.

I think it's raining. says the man.

No, it's snowing. replies the woman.

How about we ask this Communist officer here? He is always right! exclaims the man. Officer Rudolph, is it raining or snowing?

Definitely raining. Officer Rudolph replies before walking off.

The man turns to his wife with a smile See? Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.

A couple of Italian guys are discussing who, if they could choose any woman in the world, they'd rather bang

One of them says some big name actress, the other says "Virginia Pippilini."

The first guy's like, "Who's that? Is she a model?"

"I don't know"

"Actress?"

"I don't know."

"Singer?"

"I don't know."

"Well if you don't know, why choose her?"

The guy pulls out a newspaper and points to the headline. "Virginia Pipeline blows 50 men dead."

A couple has 4 sons

The first three were tall with straight brown hair and brown eyes, but their youngest son was short with curly blond hair and blue eyes. When the husband was on his deathbed, he called his wife over and asked, "Is that 4th son mine?"
His wife said, "I swear, on all things holy, that child is yours."
The husband died a few moments later. She said to herself, "Thank God he didn't ask about the other three."

The couple who started the gender reveal fires have said they are not to blame.

"Don't blame us, blame arson'"

A couple who work in the circus go to an adoption agency.

Social workers there raise doubts about their suitability.
The couple produce photos of their 50 ft motorhome, which is equipped with a beautiful nursery.
The social workers then are doubtful about the education that the child would get.
"We've arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach the child all the usual subjects along with French, Mandarin and computer skills."
Then there are doubts about raising a child in a circus environment.
"Our nanny is an expert in paediatric welfare and diet."
The social workers are finally satisfied.
They ask, "What age child are you hoping to adopt?"
"It doesn't really matter, as long as he fits in the cannon"

A couple of tourists are taking a tour of Moscow.

As they are walking, the husband feels a drop of water fall on his face. He turns to his wife and says I think it's raining. No, it is definitely snowing. Replies his wife. They started to argue, and the husband says let's not bicker, let's ask our tour guide Rudolph whether it is officially snowing or raining. They walked up to their tour guide, and ask Comrade Rudolph, would you kindly tell us if it is snowing or raining? It is raining of course! He replies. The husband turns to the wife and says See? Rudolph the red knows rain, dear!

A couple of cows were smoking a joint while playing cards....

That's right, the steaks were pretty high.

A couple just had their first son , the husband is half Irish and half Indian , the wife half chinese and half Italian both wishes to have their son name after their heritage ..

After much argument they decided on the name.


Ravi O'Lee

My favorite Dad joke, because it's my cake day.

Why does a chicken coup only have two doors?



Because if it had four doors, it would be a sedan.

A couple of geese fell down from the stairs.

They got multiple goose bumps.

Why do some couples go to the gym?

Because they want their relationship to work out.

What did the couple do that fell for each other right after the pope died?

They found love in a popeless place.

A couple went to a restaurant

Waitress: May I take your orders, please?

Husband: Oh my, aren't you pretty

Waitress: Why, thank you sir

Wife: Tell her about your erectile dysfunction dear

Husband: Of course! How rude of me? Allow me to introduce my erectile dysfunction. Her name is Samantha.

A couple of flies are feasting on a fresh piece of poop.

One of the flies rips a big fart.

The other fly yells "Come on man, I'm eating here!!"

A couple aged 101 and 98 was about to get a divorce.

The judge sadly asks "Oh c'mon now, you've been married for 80 years, why did you decide to get a divorce?"

"I mean, sir..." said the woman "We actually wanted a divorce for a long time but did not want our children to get upset so waited for them to die"

A couple of Blondes are out in the woods hunting.......

When one of them falls to the ground and her eyes close. The other blonde whips out her cell phone and calls 911. She gasps to the operator, Help! Help! My friend Holly is dead! What should I do? The operator, in a calm voice, says, Take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure she's really dead.


After a brief silence, a shot rings out, then the blonde's voice comes back on the line. OK, now what?

A couple goes to therapy

A couple goes to therapy to discuss their issues.

The therapist asks. So, why are we here today?

The husband quickly try to explain.

So what happened was, that I was cleaning up in the kitchen, while putting something away I spilled a bunch of dried herbs all over the place. My wife then yells for help with folding the sheets in the bedroom and I simply replied.

"I can't right now, I have too much thyme on my hands"

A couple is having a dinner at home.

A couple is having a dinner at home.A husband has a big piece of steak with the small piece of steak on his plate.He decided to give his wife the smaller one and he eats the bigger one.



The wife then remembers her past:"When we were first married,you give me the bigger steak and eat the smaller one. Now you don't love me anymore!!"



The husband replies:"That's nonsense darling,you cook better now!"

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the coup coop jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working coup coo piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes