Coup Jokes
123 coup jokes and hilarious coup puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about coup that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Coup Short Jokes
Short coup jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The coup humour may include short scoop jokes also.
- What's the difference between Brazil and the USA? About 1500 arrests within 48 hours of an attempted coup.
- My favorite Dad joke, because it's my cake day. Why does a chicken coup only have two doors?
Because if it had four doors, it would be a sedan. - Why are there no coups in the US? It is the only country without a US embassy.
(heard from a Brazilian friend) - Do you know why a chicken coup only has two doors? If it had four it would be a chicken sedan
- TIL a modern artist created a stringed instrument out of a tree branch that was only to be played in the event of the government being overthrown. It was a coup-stick.
- Did you hear about the drug addict who overthrew the government with 17 syllables? He staged a high coup.
- Breaking News: Coup Underway - Trump takes control of senate and declares martial law! Oh wait... That was Palpatine.
False alarm. - What do you call it when all the hens in the coup resign the same day from their jobs laying eggs? chicken tenders.
- Socialism sounds great in theory... But in practice, you just gonna get couped by the CIA.
- Why doesn't the Government let chickens build their own houses? Because they'll make a coup.
Original... hopefully
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Coup One Liners
Which coup one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with coup? I can suggest the ones about assassination and overthrow.
- What sound does a turkey make? "coup coup"
- Why did Sauron buy the sedan instead of the coupe? More doors.
- Have you heard of the turkish version of sudoku? It's called a pseudo-coup.
- Due to travel restrictions this year... United States had to organize coups at home
- Why do chicken coups have 2 doors ? If they had 4, they would be chicken sedans.
- There is no Turkey in the coop. But there's a coup in Turkey.
- I heard on the news Stoners took over a town
This was a high coup - What was Trump's favorite childhood story? Winnie the Coup.
- What does the revolutionary dove say? Coup, coup!
- Did you hear about the crazy chickens that took over a farm? It was a cuckoo coop coup.
- Where do you keep the rebellious chicken? In the coup
- Where do revolutionary chickens live? The chicken coup!
- What is Donald's favorite car style ? A Coupe
- Why can't pigeons have a military? Because the risk of a coup is too high
- Nice to see America keeping its tradition Of launching a coup in a third world country.
Loads of Fun with Charming Humor Coup Jokes
What funny jokes about coup you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean assault jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make coup pranks.
A couple of dwarves got arrested...
A couple of dwarves got arrested in London the other day.
They got charged for possession of small arms.
A couple at the nursing home
So two residents at the old age home are about to hook up. They're getting all hot and heavy in the woman's room.
Suddenly, she stops and says to the man, "Before we go any further, I should tell you I have acute angina."
To which the man replies reassuringly, "At my age, I don't care *what* it looks like."
So an old couple was getting ready for bed...
...when the old lady throws off her robe, revealing the skimpy negligee that she was wearing, jumps on her husband and yells "SUPER s**...!".
The man takes one look at his wife and says, "Well if you don't mind, I would like the soup."
A couple of friends are catching up after years apart.
"So I hear you've recently had a baby boy!" Gushes Edna.
"We did!" Responds Amy.
"Have you decided on a name yet?"
"Funny story: with our first, Denise, my husband's brother wanted to name her. The name stuck, so when he asked again, we figured he'd pick another good one."
"That's adorable! What'd he pick!"
Amy sighed. "Denephew."
Old couple in church...
An old couple is sitting in church one morning, listening to a sermon, when the wife whispers, "I just let out a silent f**.... What should I do?"
Her husband whispers back, "Well, for starters, you can put a new battery in your hearing aid."
A couple of newlyweds on were on their honeymoon and moments before the passionate love making commenced, the wife says to the husband, "Please, be gentle, I'm still a v**...."
The husband was shocked and replied, "How's this possible? You've been married *three* times before!"
The wife responds, "Well, my first husband was a gynecologist and all he wanted to do was look at it. My second husband was a psychiatrist and all he wanted to do was talk about it. Finally, my third husband was a stamp collector and all he wanted to do was...oh, *god*, I miss him!"
A couple of whales.
A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier.
He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the same side of the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink." They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank.
Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore.The male was enraged that they were going to get away and said to the female, "Lets swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore."
At this point, the male whale realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him."What's the matter, Darling?"
"Look, Love," she said, "I went along with the b**..., but I absolutely refuse to s**... the s**...".
A couple are walking through St Petersburg Square on Christmas Eve
They feel a slight precipitation.
The man says, "I think it's raining."
His wife disagrees, "No, it's snowing!"
Unable to agree, the man says, "why don't we ask the nice Communist officer over here? He's always right! Officer Rudolf, is it raining or snowing?"
"Definitely raining," said the officer before walking off.
"See?" the husband says, "Rudolf the Red knows rain, dear."
A couple is walking in St. Petersburg Square on christmas Eve
They feel a slight precipitation.
"I think it's raining," says the man.
"No, it's snowing," replies the woman.
"How about we ask this Communist officer here? He is always right!" exclaims the man. "Officer Rudolph, is it raining or snowing?"
"Definitely raining," Officer Rudolph replies before walking off.
The man turns to his wife with a smile. See? Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.
A couple is walking in Moscow when they feel a slight precipitation
The husband says "ah, it's raining"
The wife replies "no it's snowing"
"How about we ask this communist officer here" replies the husband, "he is always right!,
"Officer Rudolph, Is it raining or snowing?"
"definitely raining" replies Rudolph before walking off
"see?" says the husband,
"Rudolph the red knows rain, dear"
A couple of guys at the start of a bridge with signs
The sign reads **"THE END IS NEAR. TURN YOURSELF AROUND NOW BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE."**
A car speeds through yelling at them *"F*** off you religious nuts!"*
The two guys turn around just in time to see the car disappear into the water.
*"Ya think we should just have our signs say BRIDGE CLOSED instead?"*
Just saw a couple of dudes trying to grab an old lady's purse so I ran over to help.
We got it off her eventually
A couple is lying in bed. The husband says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."The wife replies,...
..."I'll miss you."
An old couple went on holiday to Jerusalem..
...But on the trip the wife died. A local priest then told the husband that he had two options. He could get her buried in Jerusalem for $30, or he could fly her back to their own country and get her buried there for $200. The husband quickly said that he wanted her buried at home. The priest didn't understand this and asked the husband why he didn't just bury her in Jerusalem. After all it was one of the holiest cities in the world, and he could save some money. The husband then told him that long ago a man was buried in this city, and 3 days later he resurrected from the dead, and he was definitely not willing to risk that happening with his wife.
Couple went to Jerusalem...
And the wife died there..
Priest : Sending her body to home will cost you $10,000 , but burial in this holy city will cost just $100.
Man : I'll take the body home.
Priest : Oh,you must really love your wife a lot...
Man : Nothing like that father.....
Just that Jesus was buried here......
and he came alive the third day...
Old couple goes to a fast food restorant.
They order one burger and fries, sit down and divide the burger and fries. A man from table next to them sees that and asks politely: "If you want, I can buy some extra food for you." "No thanks, we are a old couple, we share everything." Time goes by and the man is eating, but the woman is not. From the table next to them, the man asks again:"I really have no problem buying you food." Man replies:"Dodnt worry about it, she will eat! We share everything" But the stranger is not happy with that and asks the woman:"Why are you not eating?" Woman looks at him and says:"I am waiting for the teeth."
A couple after a divorce are at court over who could keep the child.
So the mother goes:" i carried that child for 9 long months and gave birth to it under a lot of pain. I should keep it.
The judge asks the father if he has anything to add.
The father calmly replies:" let me explain this situation with a metaphor; if you walk up to a coca-cola machine, put in a dollar and a coke comes out, does the coke belong to you or the machine?"
As a couple gets into bed, the husband starts to rub and kiss his wife.
She turns over and says, "I'm sorry, honey. I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow, and I want to stay fresh." The husband sadly turns over. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife. "Do you have a dentist appointment, too?"
A couple are talking
Her: Come over. Him: I'm coming over. Her: We should really stop using walkie talkies in bed, over.
A couple of Irishmen are walking down a country road . . .
They see a sign that says "Tree Fellers wanted".
One of them turns to the other and says, "d**.... Too bad there's only two of us."
Couple claiming Virginity:
Couple claiming Virginity:
Girl:If this Is your 1st time,then how did u do it so well?
Boy:If this Is your 1st time,then how do u know that i did well???
A couple walk Into the clubhouse after a round of golf.
The pro asks "how was you round?" The husband says "it was good but my wife got stung by a bee". "Where did she get stung?" "Between the first and second hole". The pro says "well her stance was too wide."
A couple of men in prison were telling each other jokes
After telling them so many times to each other they started referring to them as numbers. Someone would shout "45!" and they'd all start laughing. One day a new inmate arrived. He never understood why they laughed everytime someone said a number, so he just laughed along. After a week or so he decided it was his turn to try, so he shouted "345!" and to his luck, everyone laughed like never before because they hadn't heard that one before.
A couple have a lot of s**...
They challenge each other to see who can have the most s**... in a month. The woman wins.
Some say she cheated.
Saw an old couple arguing at each other in public yesterday
Apparently one of them is going to be president
A couple finds a wounded skunk on the road. 'Where do I put it?' the lady asks...
A man and a woman are driving along when they see a wounded skunk on the side of the road. They stop, the woman gets out, picks it up, and brings it into the car.
She says, Look, it's shivering … it must be cold. What should I do?
He says, Put it between your legs.
She says, What about the smell?
He says, Hold its nose.
A couple was walking in St. Petersburg Square on Christmas Eve
A couple was walking in St. Petersburg Square on Christmas Eve.
"I think it's raining," says the man.
The woman replies, "No, it's snowing."
"Let's ask this communist officer here. He's always right," explains the man. "Officer Rudolph, is it raining or snowing currently?"
"Definitely raining," Officer Rudolph replied.
The man turns to his wife and says, "Rudolph the red knows rain, dear."
Couple in a Restaurant – Joke
Husband and wife were having dinner at a fancy restaurant…
As the food was served, Husband said:
The Food looks delicious, let's eat.
Wife: Honey.. You say prayer before eating at home.
Husband: That's at home sweetheart… Here the chef knows how to cook.
A couple got into an argument...
A couple got into an argument while on a drive through the countryside. It got quite heated and neither of the two wanted to concede, so they sat in silence for several kilometers.
As they passed a farm full of pigs bathing in mud, the wife spoke up and said:
"Relatives of yours?"
The man replied:
"In-laws."
A couple were having an argument
Angry Wife: "I should have married the Devil... He would make a better husband than you!"
Husband: "Honey, you would have been arrested!! Marriage between relatives is i**... in this country!" ...
A couple have a terrible accident and they both end up blind
The guy turns to his girlfriend and whispers in her ear:
I'm sorry, but we can't see each other anymore.
Couple of girlfriends decided to go out on girls night.
But they had nothing to talk about, because all of them showed up.
A couple was having a conversation, when...
...the husband turns to his wife and tells her: "I bet you can't say one thing that will make me happy and sad at the same time."
The wife thinks about it for a second and then replies: "Yours is bigger than your friends'."
An old couple is laying in bed when the old lady remembers that she needs some money for groceries...
She whispers into the old man's ear: "Can you lend me $100? ".
The man answers: "Sorry dear but I can't hear you. You know this ear of mine is deaf, try the other ear".
The old lady scoots and whispers into his other ear: "Can you lend me $200?".
The old man is astonished and replies: "Can you whisper into my $100 ear again?"
I had my FIRST THREE WAY!!!
There were a couple of no-shows, but I STILL HAD A GREAT TIME!!
An old couple is sitting in church
The wife turns to the husband and says, "I just let out a silent f**.... What should I do."
"Put new batteries in your hearing aids."
A couple of Aliens land in the middle of Jerusalem and see all the worshippers...
One looks to the other and says "See, they still believe your b**..., pay up!"
Why do some couples not go to the gym?
Some relationships don't work out...
A couple go to a restaurant...
And when their food arrives, the husband says
"Wow, this looks great! Let's dig in!"
Without another word, he starts devouring his plate. Meanwhile his wife glares disapprovingly at him.
"At Home, you *always* say grace"
Swallowing, the husband replies.
"Honey, that's at home. Here, the chef actually knows how to cook"
A couple dies and goes to heaven
They are greeted at the pearly gates by Saint Peter. As they are being processed for admission they decide to ask Saint Peter if they can get married in heaven.
Saint peter tells them he will find out and get back to them. Finally, after 2 months he returns to the couple and tells them "yes, you can get married in heaven."
The couple then proceeds to ask him "what if it does not work out, can we also get a divorce?" To which Saint Peter tells them, "it took me 2 months to find you a priest, how long do you think it will take me to find you a lawyer?"
A couple of friends are drinking at a bar
One friend spots a couple of old drunks at the end of the bar and says "that'll be us in ten years".
The other friend looks and says "That's a mirror d**...".
Two couples are getting bored with their s**... lives, so they decide to swap partners
After a night of wild passionate s**..., Mike wakes up, rolls over, kisses his new lover, and says, "Last night was absolutely mind-blowing! Come on. Let's go see how the ladies made out."
Two couples decided to swap partners for s**...
Two couples decided to swap partners for s**....
Afterwards, one of the guys said," That felt great! I wonder how the girls are doing."
A couple had a big argument in the car. They didn't talk to each other then entire trip.
They passed a farm with pigs, in which the husband saw an opportunity to break the ice.
"Look, those must be your relatives"
The lady, keeping her cool, replied "In-laws"
A couple just finalized their adoption of a Japanese baby.
Shortly after, they signed up for Japanese lessons and explained that they had just adopted a baby.
"How nice!" said the teacher.
"Yeah," they agreed. "He'll be talking in a couple years and we want to be able to understand him!"
A couple is dining in a restaurant when suddenly the waitress catches the man slowly sliding under the table
She sees that the woman is not bothered by this and assumes the worst...
Thinking how to approach the situation, she slowly gets to the table and quietly tells the woman:
"Ma'am, I think your husband just slid under the table for no apparent reason"
The woman turns her head and whispers:
"You're wrong my dear, my husband just entered the restaurant..."
A Couple having s**... in the garden at night....
He says "I wish i had a torch" she says "So do I, you've been l**... that slug on the grass for the last ten minutes"
A couple of guys stole hundreds of cans of Red Bull from our neighborhood store.
I don't know how they can sleep at night.
Couples usually break up after 7 days
Because they have a week relationship at that point
A couple on the first date.
She: What are your hobbies?
He (gets a stuffed hamster out of his pocket): Taxidermy.
Hamster: And ventriloquism!
A couple was having a party at their house.
An hour before the party the woman found out that she still needed escargots. So she sent her husband out to get it. He was walking to the supermarket and he figured he had lots of time. So he stopped at the bar on the way. An hour and a half later he looked at his watch and realized that the party had already started. He quickly ran to the market, bought the snails and ran home. He tried to sneak into the kitchen without his wife seeing him. But at that moment his wife came out. He quickly threw the snails on the floor and said, "Come on guys, we're almost there."
I've been in a couple of threesomes.
Usually the other guy will be getting o**... and I'll be hitting it from behind. I've found that as long as I don't make eye contact with the guy on the other end, or the guy in the middle, it doesn't feel gay.
The couple next door have just made a s**... tape.
They just don't know it yet.
A couple in an old people's home we're having an argument, Margaret found out Egbert had been cheating. Egbert did love a h**....
Margaret said to Egbert 'What does Dorothy have that I don't?
Egbert replied 'Parkinsons'.
Why did the couple get married in Bangkok?
Because they wanted to Thai the knot.
"What's a couple," I asked my mum.
She replied: "two or three."
That probably explains why my dad left us.
A couple is walking in St. Petersburg Square on Christmas Eve. They feel a slight precipitation.
I think it's raining. says the man.
No, it's snowing. replies the woman.
How about we ask this Communist officer here? He is always right! exclaims the man. Officer Rudolph, is it raining or snowing?
Definitely raining. Officer Rudolph replies before walking off.
The man turns to his wife with a smile See? Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.
A couple is arguing and breaking up
And he says:
- You don't love me because I'm colorblind, right Violet?
- You s**...! I told you my name is Amber!!
A couple of Italian guys are discussing who, if they could choose any woman in the world, they'd rather bang
One of them says some big name actress, the other says "Virginia Pippilini."
The first guy's like, "Who's that? Is she a model?"
"I don't know"
"Actress?"
"I don't know."
"Singer?"
"I don't know."
"Well if you don't know, why choose her?"
The guy pulls out a newspaper and points to the headline. "Virginia Pipeline blows 50 men dead."
A couple of shrimp were at the bar next to me, eating a bowl of fries. I went to ask if I could have one, but the bartender stopped me. "Don't bother," he said, "they won't share.
They're two shellfish."
A couple has 4 sons
The first three were tall with straight brown hair and brown eyes, but their youngest son was short with curly blond hair and blue eyes. When the husband was on his deathbed, he called his wife over and asked, "Is that 4th son mine?"
His wife said, "I swear, on all things holy, that child is yours."
The husband died a few moments later. She said to herself, "Thank God he didn't ask about the other three."
A couple getting married are standing at the altar saying their vows...
"Do you, Linda, take David the optometrist for better or worse. Better.... Or worse? Better.... Or worse?"
The couple who started the gender reveal fires have said they are not to blame.
"Don't blame us, blame arson'"
A couple are at the church when the wife whispers into the husband's ear "I just let out a silent f**.... What do I do?"
He responds:
"Get your ears checked"
A couple who work in the circus go to an adoption agency.
Social workers there raise doubts about their suitability.
The couple produce photos of their 50 ft motorhome, which is equipped with a beautiful nursery.
The social workers then are doubtful about the education that the child would get.
"We've arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach the child all the usual subjects along with French, Mandarin and computer skills."
Then there are doubts about raising a child in a circus environment.
"Our nanny is an expert in paediatric welfare and diet."
The social workers are finally satisfied.
They ask, "What age child are you hoping to adopt?"
"It doesn't really matter, as long as he fits in the cannon"
A little son asks his father what a communism is...
...and the father starts explaining:
"Well, son, once upon a time there was this man named Lenin, except his real name was Uljanov. He had a friend named Stalin, except he wasn't his friend and his name was Dzugashvili. They started the October revolution, except it wasn't a revolution, it was a coup, and it wasn't in october, it was in november..."
"Jesus, dad, what a mess!" proclaims the son.
"Son, now you understand communism!"
A couple of tourists are taking a tour of Moscow.
As they are walking, the husband feels a drop of water fall on his face. He turns to his wife and says I think it's raining. No, it is definitely snowing. Replies his wife. They started to argue, and the husband says let's not bicker, let's ask our tour guide Rudolph whether it is officially snowing or raining. They walked up to their tour guide, and ask Comrade Rudolph, would you kindly tell us if it is snowing or raining? It is raining of course! He replies. The husband turns to the wife and says See? Rudolph the red knows rain, dear!
A couple had been married for 35 years,
the pair was also celebrating their 60th birthdays. During the celebration, a fairy godmother appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them each one wish.The wife said she wanted to travel around the world. The fairy godmother waved her magic wand and BOOM! The wife had the tickets in her hand.Then it was the husband's turn. He paused for a moment, then said boldly, "Well, I'd like to have a wife 30 years younger than I." The fairy godmother picked up her wand and BOOM! He was now 90.
An Old Couple Sat Down To Eat Breakfast
Wife: Honey, do you know what today is?
Husband: I believe it is our 50th wedding anniversary.
Wife: Thats right. Do you remember what we were doing right now 50 years ago?
Husband: We were sitting at this very table, eating breakfast n**....
Wife: Thats right. Want to do it again?
Husband: Sure.
*both remove clothes and sit back down*
Wife: Honey, my b**... are as hot as they were 50 years ago.
Husband: Yes they are, one is in your coffee and one is in your oatmeal.
A couple of cows were smoking a joint while playing cards....
That's right, the steaks were pretty high.
A couple just had their first son , the husband is half Irish and half Indian , the wife half chinese and half Italian both wishes to have their son name after their heritage ..
After much argument they decided on the name.
Ravi O'Lee
A couple just had their first son , the husband is Palestinian, the wife minnesotan, both wishes to have their son name after their heritage ..
After much deliberation they decided upon Yasir Youbetcha
A couple of geese fell down from the stairs.
They got multiple goose bumps.
Couple goes into a restaurant
The man to the hostess: Can we have a table for 2 please?
Hostess: I'm sorry but you're going to have to wait
Man: Ok, may I take your order?
A couple is driving on a highway
A couple is driving on a highway when she says, I want a divorce. The man doesn't say anything, except speeds up the car.
I've been having an affair with your best friend, and he's a better lover than you. The man doesn't say anything except speeds up to he car.
I want the house, the bank account, kids, and the dog. The man doesn't say anything excepts speeds up the car.
She says, Are you listening to me? Don't you want anything?
The man replies, No, I have everything I need.
Oh? And what's that?
Right before the car rams into a wall, he says, The airbag.
