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County Jokes

65 county jokes and hilarious county puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about county that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Enjoy hilarious county jokes from Ireland's various counties, including Mayo, Cavan, Kerry, Cork, and more! From the county morgue to the county worker to the county commissioner, this unique collection includes jokes about agriculture, authorities, and even the County Fair!

Best Short County Jokes

Short county jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The county humour may include short province jokes also.

  1. Why don't Broward County police officers need to use condoms? Because no matter how dire the situation gets, they won't come inside.
  2. Gay Marriage Licenses So, 22 counties in Alabama are refusing to issue gay marriage licenses on the grounds that they believe in the traditional marriage of a man and his sister.
  3. I once met a guy who asked me aren't you that guy who brags about really weird, specific stuff? I then replied No, I'm the guy with the longest garden hose in the county. 1
  4. Did you hear about the farmer's daughter who was sent home from the county fair? She couldn't keep her calves together.
  5. If there is a Wessex, Sussex, and Essex why isn't there a northern county similarly named? Cause then there would be Nosex!
  6. I hate to brag but my cemetery is the most popular one in my entire county. People are literally dying to get into it.
  7. My county has just been under a tornado warning. As a redditor, I am excited thinking about the possible damage to my fence. I could have so much reposting to do!
  8. As the nurse gave the newborn his first vaccine she said, You are lucky to live in a country where these are used, Unlike Clark County, Washington
  9. What do a female musician and an elected head of the county police have in common? She riff.
  10. Rowan County Clerk Kim Davis found in contempt of court and taken into custody... ...making it the first time a public sector employee has gotten in trouble for not doing their job.

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County joke, Rowan County Clerk Kim Davis found in contempt of court and taken into custody...


Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about county can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of county puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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County One Liners

Which county one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with county? I can suggest the ones about district and town.

  1. Why is Korea the greenest county in the world? It's full of Parks.
  2. Why do Broward County Police Officers never go into bars? They heard shots were inside.
  3. I have the heart of a champion, the brain of a genius and the keys to the county morgue.
  4. What is the most magnetic ride at the county fair? The ferrous wheel.
  5. Why is Orange County so popular? Because it has appeal.
    ...I'll see myself out.
  6. What is a cannibal's favorite food at the county fair? Chili con Carny.
  7. If there are four Dallas Cowboys in a car who's driving? The county sheriff.
  8. Where do Republicans go to lose their virginity? The county fair
  9. I really hate people who abbreviate counties Especially those from Berkshire - Berks!
  10. Why don't Broward County police officers need to use condoms?
  11. I had a good night sleep in the county jail I am arrested convict
  12. I am the best french kisser in all of Tarrant County! My daddy says so!
  13. You're a lot like train tracks, you've gotten laid across the county.

County Fair Jokes

Here is a list of funny county fair jokes and even better county fair puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Went to the County Fair with my SO, but the Tunnel of Love was closed Not sure what happened, the sign just said "Out of Ardor"
  • I like my country like I like my county fairs. Full of unhealthy food and run by scary carnies.
  • Why wouldn't the farmer let her prize winning cows smoke w**... before the county fair? The steaks were too high.

County Sheriff Jokes

Here is a list of funny county sheriff jokes and even better county sheriff puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Someone stole the toilet from the LA county sheriffs station. The cops there have nothing to go on.
  • What did the county Sheriff say about the black man who was shot 15 times? "Worst case of s**... I've ever seen"
  • Her: I want to be safe so you have to wear a c**... Him: Don't worry, I'm a Broward County Sheriff Deputy so there's no chance I'll come inside.
County joke, Her:  I want to be safe so you have to wear a c**...

Laughter County Jokes for Everyone for Fun and Frivolity

What funny jokes about county you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean city jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make county prank.

Two opposing candidates for county office...

... happened to be sitting next to each other in the local diner.
One turned to the other and said, "You know why I'm going to win this election? Because of my 'personal touch.' For example, I always tip waitresses really well and then ask them to vote for me."
"Oh, really?" replied the other. "I always tip a nickel and ask them to vote for you."

Some how my friend managed to send me a photo of himself from the county jail....

a cellfie..

SNL Gold: Domestic Violence

A local county couple had an argument over a jar of salsa, which resulted in the girlfriend stabbing her boyfriend. But hey, you'd be mad too if he was jalpeno business.

Did you guys hear about the new business shopping center in Pepto County?

They're calling it the Pepto Biz Mall

What do you call a county that lacks a modern telecommunications system?

"Technologically backward"
What do you call a county that lacks a fully integrated banking system?
"Economically underdeveloped."
What do you call a country that lacks a well-connected public transportation system?
"America"

I became an outlaw yesterday by making a joke at anothers expense.

There was a county wide burn ban.

My wife recently won the Annual Women's Golf Meet in our district

Needless to say, I have started calling her the "i**... Champion of the County "

I'm not saying the rural county I live in is full of hicks but instead of Uber

We have Goober

Bloom County

I used to read Bloom County (a comic s**...).
Remember when they put Donald Trump's brain in Bill the Cat?
Who's laughing now.

The Pope was in County Down yesterday as part of his visit to Ireland.

When someone asked him how he was enjoying it he replied "It hasn't been the same since Carol Vorderman left."

A biologist, a logician, and a philosopher are driving down the road in County Clare...

They see the profile of a brown cow grazing in an adjacent meadow. The biologist says, "Look, Ireland has brown cows!" The logician says, "No, sir, all we can say for certain is that Ireland has at least one brown cow." The philosopher retorts, "Alas, my fair companions, all we can know for certain is that Ireland has at least one half of one brown cow."

Contrary to popular belief...

... the current President of the US is **not** from Orange County, CA.

Bubba and Clem k**... back on their porch ...

Bubba and Clem k**... back on their porch, wearing their overalls, chewing on a piece of grass.
Bubba: "Hey Clem, y'all 'member that Farmer's Daughter from lass week?"
Clem: "Ye-up", as a smile crosses his face.
Bubba: "Clem, you really care if'n she gets all pregnant?"
Clem: "Nah'really, and bu'now, she lon' gone, leff da county."
Bubba: "So, I'ma guess'n we'all can take off these here condoms now."
Clem: "Ye-up."

I think it's weird that county fairs are being cancelled.

Don't get me wrong, I think it's a *good* idea, but... I just figured that anyone who isn't afraid to hop onto a 60-year-old rusty roller coaster, that gets disassembled and reassembled 22 times a year by a traveling m**... head with an allen wrench, while eating a deep fried stick of butter, wouldn't give a c**... about Covid.

A guy takes a g**... a date to the county fair...

When they get there, he asks her what she wants to do now. She says "I wanna get weighed." So he takes her to one of those guess your weight booths and she gets a prize. He asks her again what she wants to do. Again, "I wanna get weighed".
This goes on the whole night. Finally the guy gets fed up and takes her home. When she walks in the door, her mom asks "how was your date?"
She replies "*sigh* wousy"

Granddad could tell a tale

He used to say that as a boy he had the strongest arm in the county. He said he could throw a stick so hard that it would take his dog an hour to retrieve it.
To me that always seemed far-fetched.

I recently heard about this young adult novel in which Schrodinger's cat and Pavlov's dog team up for a cross county adventure…

So I headed on down to the library to see if they had a copy for my 10 year old daughter.
The librarian said that my description rang a bell but she wasn't sure if it was there or not.

Young adult novel

I recently heard about this young adult novel in which Schrodinger's cat and Pavlov's dog team up for a cross county adventure…
So I headed on down to the library to see if they had a copy for my 10 year old daughter.
The librarian said that my description rang a bell but she wasn't sure if it was there or not.

I recently heard about this young adult novel in which Schrodinger's cat and Pavlov's dog team up for a cross county adventure...

So I took a trip to the library to see if they
had a copy.
The librarian said that my description rang a
bell but she wasn't sure if it was there or not.

A old man passes away peacefully in his sleep after a long illness

His wife calls the county to come pick up his body.
The county operator answers "Yes, ma'am, I'm very sorry for your loss. Can you tell me your address?"
"Yes, we live at 148 Eucalyptus Street."
"Can you spell that for me?"
"Y-U...no, wait, that's not right...E-Y-C...no, no that's not right...Tell you what, I'll just drag him over to Oak Street and you can pick him up there."

After years of lobbying, a town finally got train service.

A county official noticed an increase in the town's birth rate and went to investigate. After interviewing a few people he discovered that the explanation is noise from the 5AM express train: At that time it's too early to get up and too late to go back to sleep…

County joke, After years of lobbying, a town finally got train service.

jokes about county

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these county jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.