Country Jokes

Following is our collection of motherland puns and perceptions one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Country jokes for adults, dirty empires jokes and clean continent dad gags for kids.

The Best Country Puns

North Koreans believe they live in the best country in the world because they're brainwashed by the government and the media.

When every American knows that America is the best country in the world.

I'm American, and I'm sick of people saying America is the stupidest country in the world.

Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world.

With the rise of self-driving vehicles...

With the rise of self-driving vehicles, it's only a matter of time before we get a country song where a guy's truck leaves him too

Why is Japan the healthiest country in the world?

Because last time they had a fat man 80,000 people died

An African man visits his friend in the US

I just flew in yesterday the African man says And boy are my arms tired!

You know, that's kind of an old joke here in America replied his friend.

Joke? The African man said. I've been holding my hands in the air yelling 'don't shoot' ever since I got to this damn country .


What is the difference between Ajit Pai and Hitler?

Hitler was doing what he thought was best for his country.

God was creating all the countries and it was Canada's turn

He turned to his angels and said "this country will have unmatched beauty, plenty of natural resources, and its citizens will be the happiest and friendliest in the world"

The angels ask God, "aren't you blessing this country a little TOO much?" and God replies, "wait till you see who their neighbour is"

Which country has the fastest growing capitol?

Ireland. It's Dublin every year.

4 people are on a crashing plane, but there are only 3 parachutes.

The first person the grab a parachute is Brad Pitt and as he reachs for the door he says, "My family and my fans need me surely you will understand.", off he goes.

The next person to grab one is Donald Trump:
"Im the most intellegent president this nation ever saw i will do great things to this country" and he jumps out.

Left in the plane is an old man and a young school boy.
"Go on take the last one", the old man said, "I lived a long and fulfilled life." Hearing that the school boy answered calmly, "Don't worry, we'll both be okay. Our most intelligent President yet just took my backpack."

If Biden is elected, I'm leaving the country

If Trump is reelected, I'm leaving the country.

This is not a political post. I just want to travel.

One day, Usain Bolt goes into a country club.

When he enters, the woman at the front desk stops him, and says, "Sorry, we don't allow blacks in here. But there's another club 10 minutes down the road that does."

Visibly furious, Bolt exclaims, "Do you know who I am? I'm Usain Bolt!"

"Oh! I'm sorry", says the woman. "Then it's only 5 minutes down the road."


America is going through such bad luck at the moment

It's as if the whole country were built on haunted Indian burial grounds...

There was a poetry competition final with two contestants, a university student and an old country man.

They each had 20 seconds to come up with a poem about Timbuktu.

The student goes first and says " Across the desert sands, crossed a lonely caravan, men on camels two by two, destination Timbuktu."

The crowd goes wild cheering for the poem.

The old country man then goes, "Tim and I off hunting went, found some girls in a pop up tent, they were three and we were two and I buck one and Tim buck two."

If Trump wins Im leaving the country if Clinton wins Im leaving the country

Not a political post, I just love to travel

India is a very peaceful country.

Because nobody has any beef over there.

If the next president is white....

That means the entire country went black and successfully went back.

Im sick and tired of people calling America the stupidest country in the world

Personally I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world

After his team was eliminated from the World Cup,

The Nigerian captain personally offered to refund all expenses that fans of his country paid for to travel to Brazil.

According to sources close to the player, he just needs their bank details and pin numbers to complete the transactions.

Donald Trump's plan to build a wall might actually work.

The Chinese built a huge wall, and they have almost no Mexicans in their country.


As an American, I see a lot of jokes here saying that America is the dumbest country.

It's ridiculous and unfair.
Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country.

2 foreign immigrants have just arrived in USA by boat and one says to the other,

''"I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs." "Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do." Nodding emphatically, one of the immigrants points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk toward the cart. "Two dogs, please," she says. The vendor is only too pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over the counter. Excited, the companions hurry to a bench and begin to unwrap their "dogs." One of them opens the foil and begins to blush. Staring at it for a moment, she turns to her friend and whispers cautiously, "What part did you get?"

50s Soviet joke

Who is your mother?

Our great Soviet country.

Who is your father?

Our dear comrade Stalin.

What's your greatest desire?

Becoming an orphan.

When England had an Emperor, it was an Empire; when it had a King, it was a Kingdom; now they have Theresa May...

...and it is a Country.

A fellow was walking along a country road when he came upon a farmer working in his field. The man called out to the farmer "How long will it take me to get to the next town?"

The farmer didn't answer. The guy waited a bit and then started walking again. After the man had gone about a hundred yards, the farmer yelled out "About 20 minutes.

Thank you. But why didn't you tell me that when I asked you?"

Didn't know how fast you could walk".

With the rise of self driving vehicles,

we shall soon hear a country song about a guy's truck leaving him too.

A blonde joke

A blonde gets an opportunity to fly to a nearby country. She has never been on an airplane anywhere and was very excited and tense. As soon as she boarded the plane, a Boeing-747, she started jumping in excitement, running over seat to seat and starts shouting, "BOEING! BOEING!! BOEING!!! BO....."
She sort of forgets where she is, even the pilot in the cock-pit hears the noise. Annoyed by the goings on, the Pilot comes out and shouts "BE SILENT!"
There was pin-drop silence everywhere and everybody is looking at the blonde and the angry Pilot. She stared at the pilot in silence for a moment, concentrated really hard, and all of a sudden started shouting,"OEING! OEING! OEING! OE...."

You can really see how much Trump cares about creating jobs in this country

The White House seems to always be hiring.

Why hasn't Africa ever won Olympic gold in basketball?

Because Africa isn't a country.

The wife and I took a long, leisurely drive out to the country and pulled over to fill up our car's gas tank and tires...

She was surprised to see that the station had a fee to fill the tires and asked me, "Why in the world do they charge for AIR?!"

I responded, "Inflation."

What has 72 legs and 26 teeth?

The first row of a country concert.

I'm starting to think this country really is run by Jews

But it's still only my first week in Israel.

United States

Two immigrants from Africa arrive in the United States and are discussing the difference between their country and the U.S. One of them mentions he's heard that people in the U.S. eat dogs, and if they're going to fit in, they better eat dogs as well. So they head to the nearest hot dog stand and order two 'dogs.' The first guy unwraps his, looks at it, and nervously looks at his friend.
"Which part did you get?"

Switzerland is a great country, with amazing views and nice people

And their flag is also great, which is a huge plus.

Why do baby boomers like fracking so much?

Because figuratively breaking the country apart isn't enough.

Why is Ireland the richest country in the world?

...her capital has been Dublin for years

The E.U has said that Scotland could end up as a Third World country after Brexit.

I don't know if things will improve to that extent, but you never know.

Why are so many Italian men named Tony?

When they ship them over from the Old Country, they stamp "To N.Y." on them...

An Irish priest is driving along a country road when a police man pulls him over.

He immediately smells alcohol on the priest's breath and notices an empty wine bottle in the car.

He says: "Have you been drinking?"

"Just water," says the priest.

The cop replies: "Then why do I smell wine?"

The priest looks at the bottle and says: "Good Lord! He's done it again!"

America is a free country.

Free to Play, but Pay to Win.

Mark and his wife were driving along a country road.

They weren't speaking to each other due to an earlier argument. As they passed a particularly rural stretch, they spotted a couple of monkeys in the treetops. "Relatives of yours?", asked Mark sarcastically.

"Yes," she replied. "My in-laws."

The country would be a lot better off if the South had won the war.....

...General Lee speaking

I'm American and I hate it when people say that America is the stupidest country in the world.

Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world.

A Russian dude enters a bar wearing a tshirt saying, "Turks got 3 problems."

Obvious repost

As soon as he enters the bar a bunch of Turks stop him.

Turks: you come in our country and have the balls to insult us.

Russian : that's your first problem. you guys gets offended so easily.

Turks: Let's get him outside.

Russian: that's your second problem. you wanna solve everything with violence.

*They gets outside of the bar and Turks starts taking their knives out*

Russian: that's your third problem. you bring knives to a gunfight.

Why are there no coups in the US?

It is the only country without a US embassy.

(heard from a Brazilian friend)

If Biden is elected, I stay in the country

If Trump is reelected, I stay in the country.

This is not a political post, I just can't leave because coronavirus.

An American and a Russian were discussing their respective freedoms in the 1980's

American: We have more freedom. I can go over to the president and say "Mr. Reagan, I don't like the way you are running this country".

Russian: What's the big deal in that? I too can go to my president and say "Mr. President, I don't like the way Reagan is running his country".

I was originally ok with my wife getting a white noise machine in our bedroom

turns out falling asleep to country music is harder than I thought

A young son asked, "Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"

Dad replied, "That is true in every country, son."

People in North Korea are so brainwashed by the government and controlled news thinking their country is great. Outsiders know better.

That is why I am glad to live in the greatest country in the world, America.

Aids or Alzheimer's

A man takes his wife to the doctor. The doctor says "Well, its either aids or alzheimers."

"What do you mean?" the guy says, "You can't tell the difference?"

"Well, the two look a lot alike in the early stages." said the doctor, "Tell you what, drive her way out into the country. Once your there kick her out of the car. If she finds her way back, don't have sex with her."

People are always saying Americans are fat, violent, and above all else, stupid

But every time I see one of those statistics maps about how terrible we are, there's this little country on the northwest border of Canada that's just as bad as we are.

If a married couple in the city get in a fight, it's called domestic violence.

In the country it's called sibling rivalry.

I had heard the rumors of clowns being spotted all over the country...

But I honestly didn't believe it until I saw them debate each other on TV.

Now that vehicles are driving themselves...

It won't be long until a country singer writes a song about their truck leaving them too.

If Trump wins the election, I'm leaving the country.

If Clinton wins the election, I'm leaving the country.

This isn't a political post; I just want to travel.

1948; "Did you hear,the Jewish people finally got their own country? Is this real?" "Yes,it is real!"

My best original joke, taa daaa. !!!

What do you call a country that doesn't use credit cards?

A Czech Republic

Patients in an insane asylum are eating plaster off the walls,

the head doctor calls in the best doctor in the country to try and solve this problem. So the best doctor comes in and inspects the walls. He tells the head doctor to repaint the walls from red to green. The next day after the walls are repainted the head doctor comes in and sees the patients sitting and staring at the walls. "Why aren't you eating the walls now?" the head doctor asks them. "They arn't ripe yet"

4 million of these people enter our country every year. They are uneducated, unskilled, and contribute nothing. They are a burden to honest, hardworking Americans and our government is doing nothing to stop them, not to mention they're dirty and they smell bad. THEY DON'T EVEN SPEAK ENGLISH!!

I really hate babies.

Scotland's Independence

David Cameron has said Scotland could become a third world country if they become independent.
I'm not sure if things will improve to that degree, but you never know

Barack Obama and Vladimir Putin were in a meeting

Obama said, "Mr. Putin, the reason that I love my country is that a man can walk right into The White House and say, 'I don't like the way that Barack Obama is running The United States of America.'"

Putin responded, "That's true in Russia, too. Anyone can walk into the Kremlin and say, 'I don't like the way that Barack Obama is running the United States of America.'"

Muslim scientists..

Muslim scientists have invented a time-travel device that can transport an entire country back to the dark ages.

They're calling it 'Islam'.

With self-driving cars

it won't be long before we have country songs where your truck leaves you too.

Hopefully, Biden will never be the leader of my country

Because if he is, something's gone wrong with the Canadian legal system

Roses are red, Violets are blue

Hitler blew an 11 country lead during World War 2

What happens if you smoke weed in a musilm country?

Simple, you get stoned twice

We need to start giving hurricanes Arab names

Nobody is going to leave for Irma but if Muhammad was coming the whole country would evacuate

Someone asked me how we usually view lesbians in this country.

Apparently, "usually in HD" wasn't the answer he was looking for.

Two conjoined twins walks into a pub

The bartender is amazed: "You're not from around here"
The siamese on the left side:"No, we're french, every summer, we come to the UK, rent a car and start a road trip"
"So, you really seem to like the country?"
"Not that much, but once a year, my brother can drive".

I also like my coffee like i like my slaves.

Hand-picked from a third world country.

...I'll show myself out.

What genre are national anthems?

Country

A blond and a redhead are talking one afternoon.

Redhead - "So how was your weekend?"

Blond - "Not to good my cat got it's tail cut off by the lawn mower."

Redhead - "That's terrible! What did you do about it?"

Blond - "Well I got the cat and it's tail and took it to Walmart."

Redhead - "Why wouldnt you take the cat to the vet?"

Blond - "Well I heard that Walmart was the larger retailer in the country."


Credit goes to my mother for this one.

A Soviet and an American are talking

The American says, "I am able to March into DC, march into the oval office, and say. Mr Reagan, I don't like how you're running this country." The Russian scoffs and says, "I can do the same, I can march into Moscow, go to the Kremlin, go to the general secretary's office and say. Mr Gorbachev, I don't like how Reagan is running his country."

What is a Mexicans favorite high school sport?

Cross country

What country does not accept cash or credit cards?

The Czech Republic

This is a frightening statistic

25% of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness!
That's scary!
It means 75% are running around untreated!

With all the bad luck that the US has seen this year...

You'd almost think this country was built on an ancient Indian burial ground.

Whata country..

You might remember comedian Yakov Smirnoff. When he first came to the United States from Russia he was not prepared for the incredible variety of instant products available in American grocery stores.

He says, "On my first shopping trip, I saw powdered milk -- you just add water, and you get milk. Then I saw powdered orange juice -- you just add water, and you get orange juice. And then I saw baby powder, and I thought to my self, "What a country!"

I heard women in this country only get 78Β’ for every dollar a man earns...

On the bright side, we get to keep 22Β’

The Philippines is the only country in the world who turns its flag upside down during times of war

while French people remove the red and blue colour

Why am I against Donald Trump's wall idea?

It will make fleeing to Mexico more difficult when he ruins our country.

When Canada was first unified, they realized they needed a name for this new country, so they decided to draw letters oot of a basket to name it.

The first prime minister went up on stage and started pulling letters and announcing them to the crowd. "C, eh?"..."N, eh?"..."D, eh?"

An Asian man goes on a trip to America

He goes to an American Bank to converts his money to dollars, while going through his trip he meets a generous old friend who decides to let him stay in his place and also pay for his expenses during his stay.

After a few days he decides to return back to his country and heads to the bank to convert his money back. But the asian man sees that he received less money than he previously had even though he hadn't spent anything, so he asks about this to the banker.
The banker said," fluctuations ".

The asian man replied," fluck you americans too".

What are the two steps to marrying a country girl?

First; a tractor.


Next; fertilizer.

There is an abundance of fatherland jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 84 funniest jokes and country puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any nation witze you can hear about country.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes