Country Jokes
151 country jokes and hilarious country puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about country that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Check out this collection of hilarious jokes about all things country. From country music, country boy, country name and homeland to country girl, country club, country flag and America, these jokes will have you laughing like a hick from the motherland.
Quick Jump To
- Short Country Jokes
- Country One Liners
- Country Name Jokes
- Cross Country Jokes
- Country Music Jokes
- Country Girl Jokes
- Country Boy Jokes
- More Country Jokes
Funniest Country Short Jokes
Short country jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The country humour may include short town jokes also.
- North Koreans believe they live in the best country in the world because they're brainwashed by the government and the media. When every American knows that America is the best country in the world.
- I'm American, and I'm sick of people saying America is the stupidest country in the world. Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world.
- Andrew Tate arrested in Romania after a pizza box showed he was in the country. Police arrested him within 30 minutes As any longer would mean they had to give him a free garlic bread.
- With the rise of self-driving vehicles... With the rise of self-driving vehicles, it's only a matter of time before we get a country song where a guy's truck leaves him too
- Why is Japan the healthiest country in the world? Because last time they had a fat man 80,000 people died
- We used to have empires run by emperors, then we had kingdoms run by king.. Now we have countries..
- I'm starting to think Jews really do run this country but don't want to jump to conclusions, this my first time visiting Israel
- If Biden is elected, I'm leaving the country If Trump is reelected, I'm leaving the country.
This is not a political post. I just want to travel. - Why doesn't America parade its new military hardware and tanks down main street like other countries? Because they prefer to parade it down main street IN other countries.
- America is going through such bad luck at the moment It's as if the whole country were built on haunted Indian burial grounds...
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Country One Liners
Which country one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with country? I can suggest the ones about city and nation.
- Two countries go to war... Ones president is a comedian, and the other is a joke.
- Which country has the fastest growing capitol? Ireland. It's Dublin every year.
- What would happen if two African countries get in a war? A 3rd World War.
- India is a very peaceful country. Because nobody has any beef over there.
- The Egyptians claim there are no crocodiles in their country. I think they're in de Nile.
- Why hasn't Africa ever won Olympic gold in basketball? Because africa isn't a country.
- What has 72 legs and 26 teeth? The first row of a country concert.
- Why is Ireland the richest country in the world? ...her capital has been Dublin for years
- America is a free country. Free to Play, but Pay to Win.
- How do you marry a country girl? Step 1: A tractor
Step 2: Fertilizer - What do you call a country that doesn't use credit cards? A Czech Republic
- All countries eventually got Coronavirus... But China got it right off the bat
- snow isn't a problem in Islamic countries But ISIS
- What country refuses tea? Chai? nah
- What genre are national anthems? Country
Country Name Jokes
Here is a list of funny country name jokes and even better country name puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why are so many Italian men named Tony? When they ship them over from the Old Country, they stamp "To N.Y." on them...
- We need to start giving hurricanes Arab names Nobody is going to leave for Irma but if Muhammad was coming the whole country would evacuate
- The day my wife found out she was pregnant, everything changed... My name, my phone number, my address, and my country of residence.
- I was on a cross country flight and the stewardess asked me if I wanted any headphones? I said, "sure, and how did you know my name was Phones?"
- Can you name even one East African country? Well, Kenya?
- Since we're at it: Dating in your 30s is like registering a domain name... The good ones are all taken. But you can always get one from an exotic country...
- "Can you tell me the name of an African country ?" "- I don't know... Kenya ?"
- I feel like I've eaten three countries! ...namely Turkey, Chile and Greece.
- The United Kingdom. A country whose name is now ironic.
- There's an entire country in Africa without any sit down restaurants. That's why they named it Togo
Cross Country Jokes
Here is a list of funny cross country jokes and even better cross country puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- The U.K. government have predicted that Scotland could become a third world country if they gain independence. I don't know if things will improve to that extent but fingers crossed for them.
- What is a Mexicans favorite high school sport? Cross country
- What is Mexico's favorite sport? Cross-country
- What's Mexico's national sport? Cross-country
- What's the most popular sport in Mexico? Cross-country.
- What's a Mexican's favourite sport? Cross country
- What is a Mexican's favorite Olympic event? Cross country
- What's the difference between a Women's cross country team and midget geniuses? The midget geniuses are cunning runts.
- What sport are Mexicans best at? Cross country!
- I was once attempted a cross-country marathon in Scandinavia …but I quit at the Finnish line
Country Music Jokes
Here is a list of funny country music jokes and even better country music puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I almost lost my job as a DJ at a country music station I accidentally played the same three songs for five hours. Fortunately, our listeners didn't seem to notice.
- I was originally ok with my wife getting a white noise machine in our bedroom turns out falling asleep to country music is harder than I thought
- What happens if you sing country music in reverse? You get your wife and job back.
- Is Africa by Toto country music? No it's continent music.
- Sony created two new stereos. One has good bass for black people to listen to rap music. The other has good treble for white people to listen to country.
Those are two stereo types. - I wish they would stop playing the national anthem before games I'm not unpatriotic; I just don't like country music.
- What do you get when you play a country music record backwards? You get you wife back, your truck back, your dog back...
- Music can take you places Today for example, they put country music on and I went to the next bar.
- I went to on vacation to Africa to get some local music and almonds. My friend asked me "what country did you go to and what did you get?"
He got upset, when I answered
"Kenya, CD's, nuts" - When you listen to rock backwards you hear satanic messages, what do you get when you listen to country music backwards? Your wife back, your life back, and your dog back.
Country Girl Jokes
Here is a list of funny country girl jokes and even better country girl puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What are the two steps to marrying a country girl? First; a tractor.
Next; fertilizer. - The girl I had a crush on asked me to make an account on tik tok and follow her. My country banned Tik tok the very next day.
- How do you attract a country girl? A tractor.
- What happens if you play a country song backwards? You get your girl back. You get your truck back. You get your dog back
- Took my GF and her friends on a tour on Africa. They hated every country we visited, except for one. Turns out girls only like Chad.
- How do you pick up a country girl? A tractor
- What does it mean when you have wheels and a country girl wants you? It means you *a tractor*
- What happens when you play a country song backwards? You get your girl back, you get your truck back, you may even get your dog back.
- What's the first step when dating a country girl? A tractor.
- What happens when you play a country song backwards? You get back your dog, your girl, your truck, your home....
Sorry it's an old one, I saw the tornado joke and it reminded me.
Country Boy Jokes
Here is a list of funny country boy jokes and even better country boy puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- North korea should be allowed to have nukes Its the first country to be under total control of someone who's a little boy AND a fat man.
- A boy approaches the boarder with a birdcage. Do you have your papers kid.
No, you have to let me in, my bird is sick.
Sorry kid, we don't allow ill-eagle immigrants into this country. - You familiar with ASMR? It's when a country boy has difficulty breathing.
- A boy and his dad go hiking. "Now, son, this is bear country. If you see a bear, what do you think you should do?"
"Run."
"Run? You think you can outrun a bear?"
"No, I just have to outrun YOU." - Why do city girls like country boys? They think the ring from their Copenhagen can is a c**....
Entertaining Country Jokes to Laugh Out Loud Fun with Everyone
What funny jokes about country you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean county jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make country pranks.
Aids or Alzheimer's
A man takes his wife to the doctor. The doctor says "Well, its either aids or alzheimers."
"What do you mean?" the guy says, "You can't tell the difference?"
"Well, the two look a lot alike in the early stages." said the doctor, "Tell you what, drive her way out into the country. Once your there kick her out of the car. If she finds her way back, don't have s**... with her."
Scotland's Independence
David Cameron has said Scotland could become a third world country if they become independent.
I'm not sure if things will improve to that degree, but you never know
After his team was eliminated from the World Cup,
The Nigerian captain personally offered to refund all expenses that fans of his country paid for to travel to Brazil.
According to sources close to the player, he just needs their bank details and pin numbers to complete the transactions.
Barack Obama and Vladimir Putin were in a meeting
Obama said, "Mr. Putin, the reason that I love my country is that a man can walk right into The White House and say, 'I don't like the way that Barack Obama is running The United States of America.'"
Putin responded, "That's true in Russia, too. Anyone can walk into the Kremlin and say, 'I don't like the way that Barack Obama is running the United States of America.'"
Muslim scientists..
Muslim scientists have invented a time-travel device that can transport an entire country back to the dark ages.
They're calling it 'Islam'.
If the next president is white....
That means the entire country went black and successfully went back.
Why are there no coups in the US?
It is the only country without a US embassy.
(heard from a Brazilian friend)
People are always saying Americans are fat, violent, and above all else, s**...
But every time I see one of those statistics maps about how terrible we are, there's this little country on the northwest border of Canada that's just as bad as we are.
If Trump wins Im leaving the country if Clinton wins Im leaving the country
Not a political post, I just love to travel
Donald Trump's plan to build a wall might actually work.
The Chinese built a huge wall, and they have almost no Mexicans in their country.
I had heard the rumors of clowns being spotted all over the country...
But I honestly didn't believe it until I saw them debate each other on TV.
If Trump wins the election, I'm leaving the country.
If Clinton wins the election, I'm leaving the country.
This isn't a political post; I just want to travel.
Why do baby boomers like fracking so much?
Because figuratively breaking the country apart isn't enough.
United States
Two immigrants from Africa arrive in the United States and are discussing the difference between their country and the U.S. One of them mentions he's heard that people in the U.S. eat dogs, and if they're going to fit in, they better eat dogs as well. So they head to the nearest hot dog stand and order two 'dogs.' The first guy unwraps his, looks at it, and nervously looks at his friend.
"Which part did you get?"
50s Soviet joke
Who is your mother?
Our great Soviet country.
Who is your father?
Our dear comrade Stalin.
What's your greatest desire?
Becoming an orphan.
4 million of these people enter our country every year. They are uneducated, unskilled, and contribute nothing. They are a burden to honest, hardworking Americans and our government is doing nothing to stop them, not to mention they're dirty and they smell bad. THEY DON'T EVEN SPEAK ENGLISH!!
I really hate babies.
If a married couple in the city get in a fight, it's called domestic violence.
In the country it's called sibling rivalry.
The country would be a lot better off if the South had won the war.....
...General Lee speaking
Switzerland is a great country, with amazing views and nice people
And their flag is also great, which is a huge plus.
Im sick and tired of people calling America the stupidest country in the world
Personally I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world
The wife and I took a long, leisurely drive out to the country and pulled over to fill up our car's gas tank and tires...
She was surprised to see that the station had a fee to fill the tires and asked me, "Why in the world do they charge for AIR?!"
I responded, "Inflation."
A young son asked, "Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad replied, "That is true in every country, son."
An Irish priest is driving along a country road when a police man pulls him over.
He immediately smells alcohol on the priest's breath and notices an empty wine bottle in the car.
He says: "Have you been drinking?"
"Just water," says the priest.
The cop replies: "Then why do I smell wine?"
The priest looks at the bottle and says: "Good Lord! He's done it again!"
I'm starting to think this country really is run by Jews
But it's still only my first week in Israel.
When England had an Emperor, it was an Empire; when it had a King, it was a Kingdom; now they have Theresa May...
...and it is a Country.
1948; "Did you hear,the Jewish people finally got their own country? Is this real?" "Yes,it is real!"
My best original joke, taa daaa. !!!
What is the difference between Ajit Pai and h**...?
h**... was doing what he thought was best for his country.
An American and a Russian were discussing their respective freedoms in the 1980's
American: We have more freedom. I can go over to the president and say "Mr. Reagan, I don't like the way you are running this country".
Russian: What's the big deal in that? I too can go to my president and say "Mr. President, I don't like the way Reagan is running his country".
With the rise of self driving vehicles,
we shall soon hear a country song about a guy's truck leaving him too.
Patients in an insane asylum are eating plaster off the walls,
the head doctor calls in the best doctor in the country to try and solve this problem. So the best doctor comes in and inspects the walls. He tells the head doctor to repaint the walls from red to green. The next day after the walls are repainted the head doctor comes in and sees the patients sitting and staring at the walls. "Why aren't you eating the walls now?" the head doctor asks them. "They arn't ripe yet"
You can really see how much Trump cares about creating jobs in this country
The White House seems to always be hiring.
God was creating all the countries and it was Canada's turn
He turned to his angels and said "this country will have unmatched beauty, plenty of natural resources, and its citizens will be the happiest and friendliest in the world"
The angels ask God, "aren't you blessing this country a little TOO much?" and God replies, "wait till you see who their neighbour is"
The E.U has said that Scotland could end up as a Third World country after Brexit.
I don't know if things will improve to that extent, but you never know.
One day, Usain Bolt goes into a country club.
When he enters, the woman at the front desk stops him, and says, "Sorry, we don't allow b**... in here. But there's another club 10 minutes down the road that does."
Visibly furious, Bolt exclaims, "Do you know who I am? I'm Usain Bolt!"
"Oh! I'm sorry", says the woman. "Then it's only 5 minutes down the road."
Now that vehicles are driving themselves...
It won't be long until a country singer writes a song about their truck leaving them too.
I'm American and I hate it when people say that America is the stupidest country in the world.
Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world.
4 people are on a crashing plane, but there are only 3 parachutes.
The first person the grab a parachute is Brad Pitt and as he reachs for the door he says, "My family and my fans need me surely you will understand.", off he goes.
The next person to grab one is Donald Trump:
"Im the most intellegent president this nation ever saw i will do great things to this country" and he jumps out.
Left in the plane is an old man and a young school boy.
"Go on take the last one", the old man said, "I lived a long and fulfilled life." Hearing that the school boy answered calmly, "Don't worry, we'll both be okay. Our most intelligent President yet just took my backpack."
A blonde joke
A blonde gets an opportunity to fly to a nearby country. She has never been on an airplane anywhere and was very excited and tense. As soon as she boarded the plane, a Boeing-747, she started jumping in excitement, running over seat to seat and starts shouting, "BOEING! BOEING!! BOEING!!! BO....."
She sort of forgets where she is, even the pilot in the c**...-pit hears the noise. Annoyed by the goings on, the Pilot comes out and shouts "BE SILENT!"
There was pin-drop silence everywhere and everybody is looking at the blonde and the angry Pilot. She stared at the pilot in silence for a moment, concentrated really hard, and all of a sudden started shouting,"OEING! OEING! OEING! OE...."
As an American, I see a lot of jokes here saying that America is the dumbest country.
It's ridiculous and unfair.
Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country.
A fellow was walking along a country road when he came upon a farmer working in his field. The man called out to the farmer "How long will it take me to get to the next town?"
The farmer didn't answer. The guy waited a bit and then started walking again. After the man had gone about a hundred yards, the farmer yelled out "About 20 minutes.
Thank you. But why didn't you tell me that when I asked you?"
Didn't know how fast you could walk".
There was a poetry competition final with two contestants, a university student and an old country man.
They each had 20 seconds to come up with a poem about Timbuktu.
The student goes first and says " Across the desert sands, crossed a lonely caravan, men on camels two by two, destination Timbuktu."
The crowd goes wild cheering for the poem.
The old country man then goes, "Tim and I off hunting went, found some girls in a pop up tent, they were three and we were two and I buck one and Tim buck two."
Mark and his wife were driving along a country road.
They weren't speaking to each other due to an earlier argument. As they passed a particularly rural stretch, they spotted a couple of monkeys in the treetops. "Relatives of yours?", asked Mark sarcastically.
"Yes," she replied. "My in-laws."
A Russian dude enters a bar wearing a tshirt saying, "Turks got 3 problems."
Obvious repost
As soon as he enters the bar a bunch of Turks stop him.
Turks: you come in our country and have the b**... to insult us.
Russian : that's your first problem. you guys gets offended so easily.
Turks: Let's get him outside.
Russian: that's your second problem. you wanna solve everything with violence.
*They gets outside of the bar and Turks starts taking their knives out*
Russian: that's your third problem. you bring knives to a gunfight.
If Biden is elected, I stay in the country
If Trump is reelected, I stay in the country.
This is not a political post, I just can't leave because coronavirus.
2 foreign immigrants have just arrived in USA by boat and one says to the other,
''"I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs." "Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do." Nodding emphatically, one of the immigrants points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk toward the cart. "Two dogs, please," she says. The vendor is only too pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over the counter. Excited, the companions hurry to a bench and begin to unwrap their "dogs." One of them opens the foil and begins to blush. Staring at it for a moment, she turns to her friend and whispers cautiously, "What part did you get?"
People in North Korea are so brainwashed by the government and controlled news thinking their country is great. Outsiders know better.
That is why I am glad to live in the greatest country in the world, America.
An African man visits his friend in the US
I just flew in yesterday the African man says And boy are my arms tired!
You know, that's kind of an old joke here in America replied his friend.
Joke? The African man said. I've been holding my hands in the air yelling 'don't shoot' ever since I got to this d**... country .
A bus filled with politicians is speeding down a country road when it swerves into a field and hits a tree.
The farmer who owns the field and tree comes out to investigate. Then he digs a hole and buries the politicians. A few days later the sheriff drives by and sees the bus. He goes and gets the farmer and asks him where the politicians are. He says he buried them. The sheriff asks if they were all dead. The farmer says, "Some of them were but some of them were trying to tell me they weren't. But you know how politicians lie!"
Each year, a lawyer takes his holidays at an out of the way, country hotel.
With each visit, he continues his affair with the hotel owner's daughter.
On his visit this year he finds out she has given birth to twin boys.
Why on earth didn't you tell me? said the astonished lawyer.
You know I would have married you and provided for the babies.
The woman replied, That may be so. But when I told my parents I was pregnant, we talked over the options and decided it was far better to have a couple of b**... in the family than a lawyer".
North Korean citizens believe they live in the best country in the world because the government and the media brainwash them.
When every American citizen knows that America is the best country in the world.
Lenin was on the deathbed, with Stalin sitting by his side...
Lenin says: "Joseph... I'm not sure you're the right man to lead the country after me. I don't know if the people will follow you."
Stalin responds: "Don't worry, Vladimir Ilyich. Half of the country will follow me, and the other half will follow you."
John, a wealthy 60 year old man, shows up at the country club one day with his new wife, a smoking hot 22 year old blonde.
His buddies are amazed. "There is no way someone that young and attractive would agree to marry an old g**... like you. How did you pull it off?"
"It's simple," John says, "I lied to her about my age."
"Did you tell her you were 50?" his friends ask. John shakes his head no.
"There is no way she could believe you were 40". John shakes his head again.
"So how old did you tell her you were exactly??"
John smiles and says "85".
China should never take part in the Cricket World Cup
They can screw over any country with just a bat
In Gulag
Inmates discussing what they were sent to Gulag for.
"I was always 5 minutes late, so they sent me here for sabotage. You?"
"I was always 5 minutes early, so they sent me here for espionage. How about you, comrade?"
"I was always on time, so they sent me here for harming Soviet economy by buying watch in capitalist country"
So these three lawyers are zooming along a country road and they get into an accident with a gravedigger.
So the gravedigger pulls himself out of his car and he's okay, but the lawyers are kind of messed up, so he buries them, right there, and walks into town and calls the Sheriff. 'Sheriff,' he says, 'terrible accident I just had. Three lawyers in it, they was all dead, so I buried them.' Sheriff says, "What?
You went ahead and buried them already? Are yousure they was dead?' Gravedigger says reluctantly,
"Well, they said they wasn't, but you know how those fellas lie.
Putin, Biden and Zelensky are all in a hot air balloon
Putin, Biden and Zelensky are all in a hot air balloon and it's starting to lose altitude. They need to lose some weight to stop from crashing.
Putin throws out a bottle of v**... and says don't worry I've got too much of that in my country anyway
Biden throws out an AR-15 and says don't worry I've got too much of that in my country anyway
Zelensky throws out Putin and says don't worry I've got too much of that in my country anyway and looks at Biden smugly as they c**... anyways due to the massive weight of Zelensky's b**....
North Koreans believe they live in the best country in the world because they're brainwashed by their government and the media.
But I know that can't possibly be true. Because every American knows that America is the best country in the world.
A truck driver was speeding down a country road and ran over a rooster. Being an honest man, he walked to the farm house and knocked on the door. An old man answered the door. Sir, he said, I would like to replace your rooster .
Suite yourself he said. The chickens are out back
A disheveled man is busking on the side of the street in London with a sign that says Falklands War Veteran
A well-dressed man notices this and feels bad, having himself been a veteran of the British Army. He pities the busker and tells him, It must be a pity to serve your country and then come home to this. I served in the army, in fact, so I know what it's like. Maybe this will help you out. He then gives the man a rather large stack of cash.
The busker is overjoyed, and as the well-dressed man walks away, he tells him, ¡Muchas gracias, señor!
I recently heard about a young adult novel in which Schrodinger's cat and Pavlov's dog team up for a cross country adventure…
So, I headed down to the library with my daughter to see if they had a copy.
The librarian said the description rang a bell but she wasn't sure if it was there or not..
People in North Korea are so brainwashed by the government and the state controlled national news thinking their country is great. Outsiders know better.
That is why I am glad to live in the greatest country in the world, The United States of America.
TIL that Saudi Arabia has over 130 males for every 100 females in the country
It must be awesome to be a woman in Saudi Arabia!
