Country Jokes
145 country jokes and hilarious country puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about country that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Check out this collection of hilarious jokes about all things country. From country music, country boy, country name and homeland to country girl, country club, country flag and America, these jokes will have you laughing like a hick from the motherland.
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Funniest Country Short Jokes
Short country jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The country humour may include short town jokes also.
- North Koreans believe they live in the best country in the world because they're brainwashed by the government and the media. When every American knows that America is the best country in the world.
- Andrew Tate arrested in Romania after a pizza box showed he was in the country. Police arrested him within 30 minutes As any longer would mean they had to give him a free garlic bread.
- With the rise of self-driving vehicles... With the rise of self-driving vehicles, it's only a matter of time before we get a country song where a guy's truck leaves him too
- We used to have empires run by emperors, then we had kingdoms run by king.. Now we have countries..
- Why doesn't America parade its new military hardware and tanks down main street like other countries? Because they prefer to parade it down main street IN other countries.
- 50s Soviet joke Who is your mother?
Our great Soviet country.
Who is your father?
Our dear comrade Stalin.
What's your greatest desire?
Becoming an orphan. - When England had an Emperor, it was an Empire; when it had a King, it was a Kingdom; now they have Theresa May... ...and it is a Country.
- You can really see how much Trump cares about creating jobs in this country The White House seems to always be hiring.
- I almost lost my job as a DJ at a country music station I accidentally played the same three songs for five hours. Fortunately, our listeners didn't seem to notice.
- The U.K. government have predicted that Scotland could become a third world country if they gain independence. I don't know if things will improve to that extent but fingers crossed for them.
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Country One Liners
Which country one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with country? I can suggest the ones about city and nation.
- Two countries go to war... Ones president is a comedian, and the other is a joke.
- Which country has the fastest growing capitol? Ireland. It's Dublin every year.
- What would happen if two African countries get in a war? A 3rd World War.
- India is a very peaceful country. Because nobody has any beef over there.
- The Egyptians claim there are no crocodiles in their country. I think they're in de Nile.
- Why hasn't Africa ever won Olympic gold in basketball? Because africa isn't a country.
- Why is Ireland the richest country in the world? ...her capital has been Dublin for years
- America is a free country. Free to Play, but Pay to Win.
- How do you marry a country girl? Step 1: A tractor
Step 2: Fertilizer - What do you call a country that doesn't use credit cards? A Czech Republic
- All countries eventually got Coronavirus... But China got it right off the bat
- What country refuses tea? Chai? nah
- What genre are national anthems? Country
- What is a Mexicans favorite high school sport? Cross country
- What country does not accept cash or credit cards? The Czech Republic
Country Name Jokes
Here is a list of funny country name jokes and even better country name puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why are so many Italian men named Tony? When they ship them over from the Old Country, they stamp "To N.Y." on them...
- The day my wife found out she was pregnant, everything changed... My name, my phone number, my address, and my country of residence.
- Can you name even one East African country? Well, kenya?
- Since we're at it: Dating in your 30s is like registering a domain name... The good ones are all taken. But you can always get one from an exotic country...
- "Can you tell me the name of an African country ?" "- I don't know... Kenya ?"
- I feel like I've eaten three countries! ...namely Turkey, Chile and Greece.
- The United Kingdom. A country whose name is now ironic.
- There's an entire country in Africa without any sit down restaurants. That's why they named it Togo
- If a guy lives in a Spanish speaking country. And has last name is Rita. He would be Señor Rita.
- Can You Name A Country? Kenya?
Cross Country Jokes
Here is a list of funny cross country jokes and even better cross country puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I was once attempted a cross-country marathon in Scandinavia …but I quit at the Finnish line
- What would happen if Sweden invaded the country to the East of them? They would cross the Finnish line.
- I was reading a book on cross country and kept coming across this one joke... It was a running joke
- What would be the main event at the immigrant olympics? Cross country.
- What's Vladimir Putin's favorite sport? Cross-country
- If the last Wolverine movie is a cross country chase... then why isn't it called Logan's Run?
- I Gave Up Cross Country Skiing. Ever since it's all been downhill.
- I heard Hotel California for the 6th time on the radio during my cross country road trip. You can change the station any time you like, but the song never leaves
- If the Wu-Tang Clan started a cross-country shipping company, would you use them? Nah. Wu-Tang Clan ain't nuthing ta truck wit.
- Did you hear about the depressed man going on a cross country road trip? He's weeping the nation.
Country Music Jokes
Here is a list of funny country music jokes and even better country music puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I was originally ok with my wife getting a white noise machine in our bedroom turns out falling asleep to country music is harder than I thought
- What happens if you sing country music in reverse? You get your wife and job back.
- Is Africa by Toto country music? No it's continent music.
- I wish they would stop playing the national anthem before games I'm not unpatriotic; I just don't like country music.
- Music can take you places Today for example, they put country music on and I went to the next bar.
- I went to on vacation to Africa to get some local music and almonds. My friend asked me "what country did you go to and what did you get?"
He got upset, when I answered
"Kenya, CD's, nuts" - I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do And for the people who DO like country music, 'denigrate' means 'put down.'
\- Bob Newhart - Why can't you improve the efficiency of wind farms by playing country music around them? Because they're really just big heavy metal fans.
- I am friends with a farmer and his windmill. One likes country music while the other is a big metal fan.
- TIL that Tibetan leaders can issue special forgiveness to buxom country music singers It's known as the Dalai Pardon
Country Girl Jokes
Here is a list of funny country girl jokes and even better country girl puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- The girl I had a crush on asked me to make an account on tik tok and follow her. My country banned Tik tok the very next day.
- How do you pick up a country girl? A tractor
- What does it mean when you have wheels and a country girl wants you? It means you *a tractor*
- Girl's favorite country Germoney
- Once upon a time there lived in a certain village a little country girl, the prettiest creature who was ever seen. Then she grow up.
- A young English farmer girl is watching a news report on the state of hospices in the country She asks her father confusingly dad, what's a hospice?
Dad: About a gallon and a half - Who run the world? Girls, but majority of the countries president are men.
- Did you hear about the girl who got adopted by midgets while she traveled across the country? She got a little farther
Country Boy Jokes
Here is a list of funny country boy jokes and even better country boy puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- You familiar with ASMR? It's when a country boy has difficulty breathing.
- A boy and his dad go hiking. "Now, son, this is bear country. If you see a bear, what do you think you should do?"
"Run."
"Run? You think you can outrun a bear?"
"No, I just have to outrun YOU."
Entertaining Country Jokes to Laugh Out Loud Fun with Everyone
What funny jokes about country you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean county jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make country pranks.
Two conjoined twins walks into a pub
The bartender is amazed: "You're not from around here"
The siamese on the left side:"No, we're french, every summer, we come to the UK, rent a car and start a road trip"
"So, you really seem to like the country?"
"Not that much, but once a year, my brother can drive".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Aids or Alzheimer's
A man takes his wife to the doctor. The doctor says "Well, its either aids or alzheimers."
"What do you mean?" the guy says, "You can't tell the difference?"
"Well, the two look a lot alike in the early stages." said the doctor, "Tell you what, drive her way out into the country. Once your there kick her out of the car. If she finds her way back, don't have s**... with her."
Scotland's Independence
David Cameron has said Scotland could become a third world country if they become independent.
I'm not sure if things will improve to that degree, but you never know
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I also like my coffee like i like my slaves.
Hand-picked from a third world country.
...I'll show myself out.
Barack Obama and Vladimir Putin were in a meeting
Obama said, "Mr. Putin, the reason that I love my country is that a man can walk right into The White House and say, 'I don't like the way that Barack Obama is running The United States of America.'"
Putin responded, "That's true in Russia, too. Anyone can walk into the Kremlin and say, 'I don't like the way that Barack Obama is running the United States of America.'"
This is a frightening statistic
25% of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness!
That's scary!
It means 75% are running around untreated!
I heard women in this country only get 78¢ for every dollar a man earns...
On the bright side, we get to keep 22¢
What's the difference between Ellen Pao and Kim Jong Un?
Kim Jong Un has control over his country.
Why are there no coups in the US?
It is the only country without a US embassy.
(heard from a Brazilian friend)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What happens if you smoke w**... in a musilm country?
Simple, you get s**... twice
A Soviet and an American are talking
The American says, "I am able to March into DC, march into the oval office, and say. Mr Reagan, I don't like how you're running this country." The Russian scoffs and says, "I can do the same, I can march into Moscow, go to the Kremlin, go to the general secretary's office and say. Mr Gorbachev, I don't like how Reagan is running his country."
The Philippines is the only country in the world who turns its flag upside down during times of war
while French people remove the red and blue colour
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
People are always saying Americans are fat, violent, and above all else, s**...
But every time I see one of those statistics maps about how terrible we are, there's this little country on the northwest border of Canada that's just as bad as we are.
I had heard the rumors of clowns being spotted all over the country...
But I honestly didn't believe it until I saw them debate each other on TV.
Why do baby boomers like fracking so much?
Because figuratively breaking the country apart isn't enough.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
With all the bad luck that the US has seen this year...
You'd almost think this country was built on an ancient Indian burial ground.
Whata country..
You might remember comedian Yakov Smirnoff. When he first came to the United States from Russia he was not prepared for the incredible variety of instant products available in American grocery stores.
He says, "On my first shopping trip, I saw powdered milk -- you just add water, and you get milk. Then I saw powdered orange juice -- you just add water, and you get orange juice. And then I saw baby powder, and I thought to my self, "What a country!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
United States
Two immigrants from Africa arrive in the United States and are discussing the difference between their country and the U.S. One of them mentions he's heard that people in the U.S. eat dogs, and if they're going to fit in, they better eat dogs as well. So they head to the nearest hot dog stand and order two 'dogs.' The first guy unwraps his, looks at it, and nervously looks at his friend.
"Which part did you get?"
If a married couple in the city get in a fight, it's called domestic violence.
In the country it's called sibling rivalry.
The country would be a lot better off if the South had won the war.....
...General Lee speaking
A German and a Swiss are arguing about who's country is better...
The German, clearly annoyed, asks the Swiss
"So what's so great about Switzerland?" The Swiss shrugs, simply saying.
"Well, the flag is a big plus."
Switzerland is a great country, with amazing views and nice people
And their flag is also great, which is a huge plus.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Roses are red, Violets are blue
h**... blew an 11 country lead during World War 2
The wife and I took a long, leisurely drive out to the country and pulled over to fill up our car's gas tank and tires...
She was surprised to see that the station had a fee to fill the tires and asked me, "Why in the world do they charge for AIR?!"
I responded, "Inflation."
An Irish priest is driving along a country road when a police man pulls him over.
He immediately smells alcohol on the priest's breath and notices an empty wine bottle in the car.
He says: "Have you been drinking?"
"Just water," says the priest.
The cop replies: "Then why do I smell wine?"
The priest looks at the bottle and says: "Good Lord! He's done it again!"
1948; "Did you hear,the Jewish people finally got their own country? Is this real?" "Yes,it is real!"
My best original joke, taa daaa. !!!
A blond and a redhead are talking one afternoon.
Redhead - "So how was your weekend?"
Blond - "Not to good my cat got it's tail cut off by the lawn mower."
Redhead - "That's terrible! What did you do about it?"
Blond - "Well I got the cat and it's tail and took it to Walmart."
Redhead - "Why wouldnt you take the cat to the vet?"
Blond - "Well I heard that Walmart was the larger retailer in the country."
Credit goes to my mother for this one.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
We need to start giving hurricanes Arab names
Nobody is going to leave for Irma but if Muhammad was coming the whole country would evacuate
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What is the difference between Ajit Pai and h**...?
h**... was doing what he thought was best for his country.
An American and a Russian were discussing their respective freedoms in the 1980's
American: We have more freedom. I can go over to the president and say "Mr. Reagan, I don't like the way you are running this country".
Russian: What's the big deal in that? I too can go to my president and say "Mr. President, I don't like the way Reagan is running his country".
Patients in an insane asylum are eating plaster off the walls,
the head doctor calls in the best doctor in the country to try and solve this problem. So the best doctor comes in and inspects the walls. He tells the head doctor to repaint the walls from red to green. The next day after the walls are repainted the head doctor comes in and sees the patients sitting and staring at the walls. "Why aren't you eating the walls now?" the head doctor asks them. "They arn't ripe yet"
God was creating all the countries and it was Canada's turn
He turned to his angels and said "this country will have unmatched beauty, plenty of natural resources, and its citizens will be the happiest and friendliest in the world"
The angels ask God, "aren't you blessing this country a little TOO much?" and God replies, "wait till you see who their neighbour is"
The E.U has said that Scotland could end up as a Third World country after Brexit.
I don't know if things will improve to that extent, but you never know.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
One day, Usain Bolt goes into a country club.
When he enters, the woman at the front desk stops him, and says, "Sorry, we don't allow b**... in here. But there's another club 10 minutes down the road that does."
Visibly furious, Bolt exclaims, "Do you know who I am? I'm Usain Bolt!"
"Oh! I'm sorry", says the woman. "Then it's only 5 minutes down the road."
4 people are on a crashing plane, but there are only 3 parachutes.
The first person the grab a parachute is Brad Pitt and as he reachs for the door he says, "My family and my fans need me surely you will understand.", off he goes.
The next person to grab one is Donald Trump:
"Im the most intellegent president this nation ever saw i will do great things to this country" and he jumps out.
Left in the plane is an old man and a young school boy.
"Go on take the last one", the old man said, "I lived a long and fulfilled life." Hearing that the school boy answered calmly, "Don't worry, we'll both be okay. Our most intelligent President yet just took my backpack."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blonde joke
A blonde gets an opportunity to fly to a nearby country. She has never been on an airplane anywhere and was very excited and tense. As soon as she boarded the plane, a Boeing-747, she started jumping in excitement, running over seat to seat and starts shouting, "BOEING! BOEING!! BOEING!!! BO....."
She sort of forgets where she is, even the pilot in the c**...-pit hears the noise. Annoyed by the goings on, the Pilot comes out and shouts "BE SILENT!"
There was pin-drop silence everywhere and everybody is looking at the blonde and the angry Pilot. She stared at the pilot in silence for a moment, concentrated really hard, and all of a sudden started shouting,"OEING! OEING! OEING! OE...."
What do you call a passive communist country?
The so-be-it union (one of my original jokes)
A fellow was walking along a country road when he came upon a farmer working in his field. The man called out to the farmer "How long will it take me to get to the next town?"
The farmer didn't answer. The guy waited a bit and then started walking again. After the man had gone about a hundred yards, the farmer yelled out "About 20 minutes.
Thank you. But why didn't you tell me that when I asked you?"
Didn't know how fast you could walk".
There was a poetry competition final with two contestants, a university student and an old country man.
They each had 20 seconds to come up with a poem about Timbuktu.
The student goes first and says " Across the desert sands, crossed a lonely caravan, men on camels two by two, destination Timbuktu."
The crowd goes wild cheering for the poem.
The old country man then goes, "Tim and I off hunting went, found some girls in a pop up tent, they were three and we were two and I buck one and Tim buck two."
Mark and his wife were driving along a country road.
They weren't speaking to each other due to an earlier argument. As they passed a particularly rural stretch, they spotted a couple of monkeys in the treetops. "Relatives of yours?", asked Mark sarcastically.
"Yes," she replied. "My in-laws."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Russian dude enters a bar wearing a tshirt saying, "Turks got 3 problems."
Obvious repost
As soon as he enters the bar a bunch of Turks stop him.
Turks: you come in our country and have the b**... to insult us.
Russian : that's your first problem. you guys gets offended so easily.
Turks: Let's get him outside.
Russian: that's your second problem. you wanna solve everything with violence.
*They gets outside of the bar and Turks starts taking their knives out*
Russian: that's your third problem. you bring knives to a gunfight.
If Biden is elected, I stay in the country
If Trump is reelected, I stay in the country.
This is not a political post, I just can't leave because coronavirus.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An African man visits his friend in the US
I just flew in yesterday the African man says And boy are my arms tired!
You know, that's kind of an old joke here in America replied his friend.
Joke? The African man said. I've been holding my hands in the air yelling 'don't shoot' ever since I got to this d**... country .
Hopefully, Biden will never be the leader of my country
Because if he is, something's gone wrong with the Canadian legal system
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An American and a Russian were talking in a bar
The American began to boast about his country, claiming it's the land of the free.
"I could walk straight up to the White House and shout "Death to the American President" and nothing happens to me."
Hearing this the Russian smirked
"I too can walk up to the Kremlin and shout " Death to the American President", nothing bad happens to me either"
A bus filled with politicians is speeding down a country road when it swerves into a field and hits a tree.
The farmer who owns the field and tree comes out to investigate. Then he digs a hole and buries the politicians. A few days later the sheriff drives by and sees the bus. He goes and gets the farmer and asks him where the politicians are. He says he buried them. The sheriff asks if they were all dead. The farmer says, "Some of them were but some of them were trying to tell me they weren't. But you know how politicians lie!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Russian and a Ukrainian go fishing together. They catch a talking goldfish, and she grants them 3 wishes if they let her go
The Russian says: we used my fishing rod, so I get first 2 wishes.
First: I want all the *insert some racial slurs* out of my glorious country.
Second: I want a big wall around Russia, nobody can cross.
Then Ukrainian has a dialogue with the fish
- Is the wall done?
- Yes
- Is it strong and durable?
- Yes
- Nobody can climb it?
- Nobody
- And nobody but moscovites inside?
- Yes
- Great! Then fill it up with s**... up to the edges
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It was no wonder there was a toilet paper shortage.
Given the number of a**... in the country.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Each year, a lawyer takes his holidays at an out of the way, country hotel.
With each visit, he continues his affair with the hotel owner's daughter.
On his visit this year he finds out she has given birth to twin boys.
Why on earth didn't you tell me? said the astonished lawyer.
You know I would have married you and provided for the babies.
The woman replied, That may be so. But when I told my parents I was pregnant, we talked over the options and decided it was far better to have a couple of b**... in the family than a lawyer".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man is out buying bread in Soviet Russia
When he sees that the bakery is out of flour, he shouts:
"d**... this country, we are so poor, I haven't been able to get a loaf of bread in days"
A policeman hears that and approaches the man.
"Stop saying things like that or..." the policeman says as he uses his fingers to form a gun, points it toward the man and says "Bang!"
The man is stunned and walks home.
The wife sees that the man is shocked and asks:
"What happened? Did we run out of flour again?"
The man weakly replies:
"Not only that, it appears that we also ran out of bullets!"
Lenin was on the deathbed, with Stalin sitting by his side...
Lenin says: "Joseph... I'm not sure you're the right man to lead the country after me. I don't know if the people will follow you."
Stalin responds: "Don't worry, Vladimir Ilyich. Half of the country will follow me, and the other half will follow you."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
John, a wealthy 60 year old man, shows up at the country club one day with his new wife, a smoking hot 22 year old blonde.
His buddies are amazed. "There is no way someone that young and attractive would agree to marry an old g**... like you. How did you pull it off?"
"It's simple," John says, "I lied to her about my age."
"Did you tell her you were 50?" his friends ask. John shakes his head no.
"There is no way she could believe you were 40". John shakes his head again.
"So how old did you tell her you were exactly??"
John smiles and says "85".
So these three lawyers are zooming along a country road and they get into an accident with a gravedigger.
So the gravedigger pulls himself out of his car and he's okay, but the lawyers are kind of messed up, so he buries them, right there, and walks into town and calls the Sheriff. 'Sheriff,' he says, 'terrible accident I just had. Three lawyers in it, they was all dead, so I buried them.' Sheriff says, "What?
You went ahead and buried them already? Are yousure they was dead?' Gravedigger says reluctantly,
"Well, they said they wasn't, but you know how those fellas lie.
So Putin decides to change Russia's Identity
He calls the Queen of Great Britain for advice.
Putin - "Queen Elizabeth, I'd like to have Russia be a Kingdom. I feel it would give it the gravitas it deserves"
The Queen - "But Vladimir, you need to have a king to be a Kingdom"
Putin - "Well what about a Principality then?"
The Queen - "No Vladimir, you need a prince to have a Principality"
Putin - "Then I'm at a loss, what should Russia be"
The Queen - "I think you are quite suited to be a Country, wouldn't you agree"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Putin, Biden and Zelensky are all in a hot air balloon
Putin, Biden and Zelensky are all in a hot air balloon and it's starting to lose altitude. They need to lose some weight to stop from crashing.
Putin throws out a bottle of v**... and says don't worry I've got too much of that in my country anyway
Biden throws out an AR-15 and says don't worry I've got too much of that in my country anyway
Zelensky throws out Putin and says don't worry I've got too much of that in my country anyway and looks at Biden smugly as they c**... anyways due to the massive weight of Zelensky's b**....
North Koreans believe they live in the best country in the world because they're brainwashed by their government and the media.
But I know that can't possibly be true. Because every American knows that America is the best country in the world.
A truck driver was speeding down a country road and ran over a rooster. Being an honest man, he walked to the farm house and knocked on the door. An old man answered the door. Sir, he said, I would like to replace your rooster .
Suite yourself he said. The chickens are out back
A disheveled man is busking on the side of the street in London with a sign that says Falklands War Veteran
A well-dressed man notices this and feels bad, having himself been a veteran of the British Army. He pities the busker and tells him, It must be a pity to serve your country and then come home to this. I served in the army, in fact, so I know what it's like. Maybe this will help you out. He then gives the man a rather large stack of cash.
The busker is overjoyed, and as the well-dressed man walks away, he tells him, ¡Muchas gracias, señor!
The guessing game
Tired of constant blonde jokes, a blonde dyes her hair brown.
She then goes for a drive in the country and sees a shepherd herding his sheep across the road.
\- "Hey, shepherd, if I guess how many sheep are here, can I keep one?"
The shepherd is puzzled but agrees. She blurts out "352!"
He is stunned but keeps his word and allows her to pick a sheep.
\- "I'll take this one," she says proudly. "It's the cutest!"
\- "Hey lady," says the shepherd, "if I guess your real hair color, can I have my dog back?"
People in North Korea are so brainwashed by the government and the state controlled national news thinking their country is great. Outsiders know better.
That is why I am glad to live in the greatest country in the world, The United States of America.
TIL that Saudi Arabia has over 130 males for every 100 females in the country
It must be awesome to be a woman in Saudi Arabia!
