Country Girl Jokes
45 country girl jokes and hilarious country girl puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about country girl that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Country Girl Short Jokes
Short country girl jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The country girl humour may include short southern girl jokes also.
- The girl I had a crush on asked me to make an account on tik tok and follow her. My country banned Tik tok the very next day.
- What does it mean when you have wheels and a country girl wants you? It means you *a tractor*
- Once upon a time there lived in a certain village a little country girl, the prettiest creature who was ever seen. Then she grow up.
- A young English farmer girl is watching a news report on the state of hospices in the country She asks her father confusingly dad, what's a hospice?
Dad: About a gallon and a half - Did you hear about the girl who got adopted by midgets while she traveled across the country? She got a little farther
Share These Country Girl Jokes With Friends
Country Girl One Liners
Which country girl one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with country girl? I can suggest the ones about country music and farmers daughter.
- How do you marry a country girl? Step 1: A tractor
Step 2: Fertilizer - How do you pick up a country girl? A tractor
- Girl's favorite country Germoney
- Who run the world? Girls, but majority of the countries president are men.
- Do you know how to romance a country girl? You gotta do something s**... to a tractor.
- What do you call a s**... country girl? A Hickey.
Hilarious Country Girl Jokes that Bring Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about country girl you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean country western jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make country girl pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy and his date are parked out in the country away from town, when they start kissing and fondling each other. Just then, the girl stops and sits up. “What’s the matter?” asks the guy. She replies, “I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I’m actually a p**..., and I charge $100 for s**....” The man thinks about it for a few seconds, but then reluctantly gets out a $100 bill, pays her, and they have s**....
After a cigarette, he just sits in the driver’s seat looking out the window. “Why aren’t we going anywhere?” asks the girl. “Well, I should have mentioned this before,” replies the man, “but I’m actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $50.
A professor and a doctor both love the same girl.
Each one tries to get rid of the other.
Once, it so happened that the professor had travel out of the country for a week.
Before leaving, he gave his girlfriend seven apples and asked her to eat one every day while he was not there.
When asked why, he replied,"Because an apple a day keeps the doctor away."
A Jewish girl....
.....flagged down a cab after drunken night out in town. All too late she realised the driver was heading in the wrong direction, & was driving down a dark country lane into the woods.
He stopped the car, then jumped in the back seat, pulling at the girls clothes frantically.
"Stop, stop!" she screamed.
"Don't worry love, I just want a bit of fun, I ain't going to hurt you" he explained.
"No, it's not that, could you turn the meter off first?" she replied.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Probably old, but I got it in email and it made me chuckle.
An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her
return, her father cursed her heavily. "Where have ye been all this
time, child? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why
didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother
through?""
The girl, crying, replied, 'Sniff, sniff... Dad...I became...a p**...."
"Ye what!!? Get outta here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a
disgrace to this Catholic family."
"OK, Dad, as ye wish. I just came back to give Mum this luxurious
fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a $2 million savings certificate.
For me little brother, this gold Rolex, And for ye, Daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes Limited Edition convertible that's parked outside, plus a membership to the country club... (takes a breath)... and an
invitation for ye all to spend New Year's Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera."
"Now what was it ye said ye had become?" asks Dad.
The girl, crying again answered, "Sniff, sniff...a p**..., Daddy!
Sniff, sniff."
"Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant.
Come here and give yer old Dad a hug!!!"
The principal of a school stops by a teacher's room...
and tells her, "I'm sorry for not telling you sooner, you're going to have three new students today, from out in the country."
The teacher prepares three new desks, and waits all morning, but no new students show up. That is, until one boy in a pair of overalls runs in at about 10:00 a.m. and says, "Sorry Miss Teacher, ma'am. I was on the top of Blueberry Hill till just now, and then I see the time and come a-runnin!"
The teacher excuses his tardiness. At 11:00 a.m, another boy in overalls runs into the room and says, "Sorry ma'am, I was on Blueberry Hill, then I see the time and come a-runnin!"
The teacher excuses his tardiness. At noon, a girl in overalls comes running into the room. The teacher says, "Hello, am I to assume that you were on Blueberry Hill as well?" The girl replies, "No ma'am, I AM Blueberry Hill."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There was once a poetry competition...
and it was down to the final two contestants. The first was an English Lit professor from Harvard while the second was a country boy from the back woods of Alabama who had somehow made it that far.
For the finals the moderator says "Gentleman, I will now ask each of you to create a poem using the word 'Timbuctu.' Good luck and may the best man win. Harvard, you may go first."
The professor takes the stage, stands there for a second, clears his t**... and says -
"Across the burning desert sands, winds a lonely caravan.
Camels traveling two by two, destination Timbuctu"
The audience is thoroughly impressed and considers the competition practically over, but Alabama still gets his shot.
He slowly takes the stage and scratches his head for a minute before beginning-
"A camping me and Tim we went,
Met three girls in a pop-up tent,
They were three and we were two,
So I bucked one and Tim bucked two"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Irish p**...- An old joke but still good!
An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her father cursed her.
Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum thru?
The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff....dad....I became a p**......."
"Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this family."
"OK, dad-- as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a savings certificate for $5 million."
"For me little brother, this gold Rolex and for ye daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a membership to the country club....(takes a breath)....and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years' Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera, and...."
Now what was it ye said ye had become?" says dad.
Girl, crying again, "Sniff, sniff....a p**... dad! Sniff, sniff.
"Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant. Come here and give yer old man a hug.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do city girls like country boys?
They think the ring from their Copenhagen can is a c**....
A guy meets a girl at a bar, and they go back to her place...
When they get inside, the girl asks the guy if they want to 69. The guy is a country boy come to the city, and has no idea what that is.
"Well, you put your head between my legs, and I put my head between yours."
The guy thinks this sounds fun, so he agrees.
They head to the girl's bedroom, disrobe, and get in bed. But right as the guy gets his head between her legs, she accidentally farts.
He pulls back and gasps: "Agh! What was that?" Embarassed, she tells him to keep going and try again.
Just as he gets his face between her legs, she accidentally farts again. The guy retches, stands up, grabs his clothes and starts to leave.
"Wait!" The girl yells, "Where are you going?"
"Ma'am, if you think I'm sticking around for 67 more of those, you're crazy."
A fine country lady is hosting a dinner party
and she wants to serve her famous Mushroom Soup. She invites over the whole neighborhood for dinner. The day of her big event she runs out of mushrooms and the small country store is sold out. She panics! "What evah shall I do??" she pleads to her husband.
"Well" he says "There are lots of mushrooms growing back in the cow pasture. We could use those." "Absolutely not!" she yells. "Those might be poisonous!"
He replies "Tell ya what, I'll go back and pick some and you make a small batch of soup. We'll feed it to the dog, Jack. If he is OK in an hour or so, we'll know they're OK". With no other options, she agrees. He goes and gets the mushrooms, she makes up some soup and old Jack just LOVES it. He horfs it right down and is just happy as a clam.
Few hours go by and old Jack is just dandy. The lady of the house goes into full Dinner Party mode. She is running behind schedule now so she calls the neighbor girl over to help her prepare. The lady figures she should warn the girl about Jack but doesn't want to confess the whole story. She tells the girl to just keep a CLOSE EYE on Jack, that he is very special to the family, and to let her know if anything comes up.
A few hours later the guests start to arrive and they all sit down for an absolutely wonderful presentation of Mushroom Soup. The guests are raving about it. They can't get enough. Everyone is just having a wonderful evening,..
When all the sudden the neighbor girl bursts into the room in hysterics! "OLD JACK IS DEAD!!!!" she cries. "HE'S DEAD, JUST.. DEAD!!"
The country lady immediately jumps into action. She calls the paramedics, the hospital and the police! They all arrive quickly and begin pumping stomaches and administering anti-poison medicines. People are puking in the yard, screaming, and crying. Ambulance after Ambulance comes and goes with guest after guest for what seems like hours.
Finally.. at 5am an exhausted lady and her helpful neighbor girl are setting in the kitchen trying to take stock in what happened. The neighbor girl looks over at the lady and says
"It really is a shame. The guy that ran over old Jack didn't even stop."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A plane ride.
A Canadian, an Irishman, and a Mexican are on a plane. So they're flying over Mexico and the Mexican dropped a coin because he loves his country. Then, they fly over Ireland and the Irishman dropped a coin because he loves his country. But when they flew over Canada the Canadian dropped a bomb because he hates his country. The next day the Mexican was walking down the street and saw a little boy crying so he asked why. The little boy said "A coin fell down and killed my Mom!". The same day the Irishman was walking down the street and saw a little girl crying so hr asked why. The little girl said "Because a coin fell down and killed my sister!". The next day the Canadian was walking down the road and saw a little boy laughing so he asked why. The little boy said "I f**... and my neighbours house blew up!"
Sorry for the length.
Mommy Mommy I peed a BB
There was this family who lived in the country, and the father took his boy out shooting. When they came back later that day the father put his BB gun on the top of the stove and hurried to the bathroom.
He set it down so fast and hard that it opened and the BB's from the gun went right into mother's spagetti sauce. She had seen the BB's and just figured that they couldn't hurt anyone, so she just served dinner anyways.
Later that night the little girl ran down stairs saying, "mommy mommy I just peed BB's! Well did it hurt you said the mom. No said the girl. Ok then don;t worry it will go away.
Then the little boy runs down stairs, "mommy mommy I just peed BB's! Well did it hurt she says? No says the boy. Ok then don't worry about it, it will go away.
Later that night the father rushes down the stairs with his pants down - "honey, honey, I was just up stairs jacking off and I shot the dog!"
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between a tribe of pygmy cannibals and the girls cross country team?
The pygmy cannibals are cunning runts.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It's international women's day.
But apparently my local s**... club didn't get the memo. Went there today and all the girls were from my country. No international women at all.
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The country with most gender equality is Canada...
... because everyone fights like a girl.
Phone statistics in third world countries:
Phone statistics in third world countries:
Boy to Boy 00:00:59
Boy to Mom 00:00:50
Boy to Dad 00:00:30
Boy to Girl 01:23:59
Girl to Girl 05:29:59
Girl to Boy Missed call
Husband to Wife 00:00:03
Wife to Husband 14 Missed Calls
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
a drive in the country
A guy and his date are parked out in the country away from town, when they start kissing and fondling each other. Just then, the girl stops and sits up. What's the matter? asks the guy. She replies, I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a p**..., and I charge $100 for s**.... The man thinks about it for a few seconds, but then reluctantly gets out a $100 bill, pays her, and they have s**.... After a cigarette, he just sits in the driver's seat looking out the window. Why aren't we going anywhere? asks the girl. Well, I should have mentioned this before, replies the man, but I'm actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $50
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Took my GF and her friends on a tour on Africa. They hated every country we visited, except for one.
Turns out girls only like Chad.
A Poem about Timbuktu
There was a poetry competition final with two contestants, a university student and an old country man.
They each had 20 seconds to come up with a poem about Timbuktu.
The student goes first and says " Across the desert sands, crossed a lonely caravan, men on camels two by two, destination Timbuktu."
The crowd goes wild cheering for the poem.
The old country man then goes, "Tim and I off hunting went, found some girls in a pop up tent, they were three and we were two and I buck one and Tim buck two."
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I heard you like reposts, so here's one from 114 years ago.
**TOWN AND COUNTRY**
The young woman who was boarding at the farmhouse expressed to the farmer her anxiety at the savage way in which the cow regarded her.
It must be on account of that red blouse you've got on, miss, answered the farmer.
Dear me! exclaimed the girl. Of course, it's out of fashion; but I had no idea a country cow would notice it.
(From the London Journal, July 2nd, 1904)
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Gimmie that money
A guy and his date are parked out in the country away from town, when they start kissing and fondling each other. Just then, the girl stops and sits up. What's the matter? asks the guy. She replies, I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a p**..., and I charge $100 for s**.... The man thinks about it for a few seconds, but then reluctantly gets out a $100 bill, pays her, and they have s**.... After a cigarette, he just sits in the driver's seat looking out the window. Why aren't we going anywhere? asks the girl. Well, I should have mentioned this before, replies the man, but I'm actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $50.
A girl in my sister's class insisted that if all world leaders were women, there wouldn't be any war...
...One boy piped up, "There wouldn't be any war, just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Newspaper personal advertisement section:
SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good looking girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Will lick you all over. Call (x**...) x**...-xxxx and ask for Daisy.
*Over the week over 1,500 men from all over the country called for Daisy the Black Labrador Retriever.*
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So there were 4 people on a private jet
Oprah Winfrey, Donald trump, Barack obama, and this little girl.
In the middle of there flight, the engine shuts down and and there going to c**....
So Oprah Winfrey says the world needs me and grabs a parachute and jumps off.
Then Donald trump grabs a parachute and jumps off without saying anything.
Then there's only one parachute left.
Barack Obama says to the girl, little girl, you are the future to our country, you take the last parachute.
Then the little girl says actually there's two left.
Barack Obama says how ?
Then the little girl says because trump just took my school backpack.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A young country girl (Mary) was walking down through the village with a large bull
Mr Jones stops her and says : Young Mary, where are you taking that beast?
Im taking him to farmer Giles so that the bull can mate with his cows. She replied
Can't your father do that? Asks mr Jones
No sir, says Mary, It must be the bull that does it.
There was a poetry competition final with two contestants, a university student and an old country man.
They each had 20 seconds to come up with a poem about Timbuktu.
The student goes first and says " Across the desert sands, crossed a lonely caravan, men on camels two by two, destination Timbuktu."
The crowd goes wild cheering for the poem.
The old country man then goes, "Tim and I off hunting went, found some girls in a pop up tent, they were three and we were two and I buck one and Tim buck two."
Ross Noble Spice girl joke
Why Victoria is the Posh Spice of Australia?
I don't know if you’re across this, but currently the country’s going through what scientists call the Spice Girls paradigm - Said Ross Noble. - Everyone's trying really hard, but Victoria's ruining it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It doesn't take much to get a country girl to sleep with you
You just need to s**... a tractor
