Country Boy Jokes
33 country boy jokes and hilarious country boy puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about country boy that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Country Boy Short Jokes
Short country boy jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The country boy humour may include short country girl jokes also.
- North korea should be allowed to have nukes Its the first country to be under total control of someone who's a little boy AND a fat man.
- A boy approaches the boarder with a birdcage. Do you have your papers kid.
No, you have to let me in, my bird is sick.
Sorry kid, we don't allow ill-eagle immigrants into this country. - A boy and his dad go hiking. "Now, son, this is bear country. If you see a bear, what do you think you should do?"
"Run."
"Run? You think you can outrun a bear?"
"No, I just have to outrun YOU." - Why do city girls like country boys? They think the ring from their Copenhagen can is a c**....
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Country Boy One Liners
Which country boy one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with country boy? I can suggest the ones about farm boy and cowboy.
- You familiar with ASMR? It's when a country boy has difficulty breathing.
Hilarious Fun Country Boy Jokes That Will Have You Rolling with Laughter
What funny jokes about country boy you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean country music jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make country boy pranks.
An African man visits his friend in the US
I just flew in yesterday the African man says And boy are my arms tired!
You know, that's kind of an old joke here in America replied his friend.
Joke? The African man said. I've been holding my hands in the air yelling 'don't shoot' ever since I got to this d**... country .
4 people are on a crashing plane, but there are only 3 parachutes.
The first person the grab a parachute is Brad Pitt and as he reachs for the door he says, "My family and my fans need me surely you will understand.", off he goes.
The next person to grab one is Donald Trump:
"Im the most intellegent president this nation ever saw i will do great things to this country" and he jumps out.
Left in the plane is an old man and a young school boy.
"Go on take the last one", the old man said, "I lived a long and fulfilled life." Hearing that the school boy answered calmly, "Don't worry, we'll both be okay. Our most intelligent President yet just took my backpack."
Each year, a lawyer takes his holidays at an out of the way, country hotel.
With each visit, he continues his affair with the hotel owner's daughter.
On his visit this year he finds out she has given birth to twin boys.
Why on earth didn't you tell me? said the astonished lawyer.
You know I would have married you and provided for the babies.
The woman replied, That may be so. But when I told my parents I was pregnant, we talked over the options and decided it was far better to have a couple of b**... in the family than a lawyer".
Stalin visits a Young Pioneer camp.
He asks one boy, "What is your name, boy?"
"My name is Vovochka Karpov, Comrade Stalin" says the boy.
"So tell me, Vovochka," Stalin says, "who is your mother?"
"My mother is the Great Soviet Country!"
"Very good," says Stalin, "and your father?"
"My father is the wise and kind Josef Vissarionovich Stalin!"
Stalin pats Vovochka's cheek: "Marvelous! And what is your greatest desire?"
"To become an orphan."
In 1941, a German boy named Hans was listening to the radio.
Over the radio, h**... announced that Germany was now going to war with the United States.
"Father, where's the United States?" asked Hans. His father pointed on a map to the continental nation in North America.
"And I'm told we're already at war with Russia," the curious lad continued. "Where is Russia?" His father pointed to where Soviet Russia lay in all its time zone-hogging glory.
"And we're also at war with the British Empire," added Hans. "Where is that?" His father pointed out all the territories of the empire upon which the sun never set.
"And where is Germany?" asked Hans. His father pointed to their country in central Europe.
Hans thought for a moment and then said, "Father, has h**... seen this map?"
So my buddy and I were driving down a country road and see a sheep with it's head stuck in the fence.
Now, like any good ol Montana boy I know a good opportunity when I see it. I pull over and walk up to the sheep and unzip my pants and start giving it to her. I'm really give'n her the boots when I look over and my buddy is jacking off. I mean, he's really beat'n his meat. Kinda freaked out I stop and ask 'ya wanna turn?'. He runs over and sticks his head in the fence.
Stalin visits a group of Little Octobrists.
He asks one boy, "What is your name?"
"My name is Vovochka Karpov, Comrade Stalin" says the boy.
Stalin: So tell me , Vovochka, who is your mother?
Vovochka: My mother is the Great Soviet Country!
Stalin: Very good, and your father?
Vovochka: My father is Iosif Vissarionovich Stalin!
Stalin: Marvelous! And what is your greatest desire?
Vovochka: To become an orphan.
A city boy visits his friend in the country.
The country boy takes his friend out on his farm and says "I'm going to show you what we do for fun around here." So he takes one of his goats, sticks its head in the fence and starts having his way with it. After he finishes he says to the city boy "Your turn." So the city boy walks over to the goat and sticks his head into the fence next to it.
Phone statistics in third world countries:
Phone statistics in third world countries:
Boy to Boy 00:00:59
Boy to Mom 00:00:50
Boy to Dad 00:00:30
Boy to Girl 01:23:59
Girl to Girl 05:29:59
Girl to Boy Missed call
Husband to Wife 00:00:03
Wife to Husband 14 Missed Calls
A girl in my sister's class insisted that if all world leaders were women, there wouldn't be any war...
...One boy piped up, "There wouldn't be any war, just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other!"
Trust passing
These three country boys are walking to town. Despite no trust passing notices, they decide to take a short cut across a farmers field.
The farmer catches em and says I'll shoot ya all for being on my land. Unless all three of your d**... can add up to 12 inches.
Billy goes first he measures at 5 inches.
Jonny goes next and he measures 6 inches.
Peter goes last and measures up to 1 inch.
The farmer says, you boys are free to go.
The walk in silence for awhile then finally Peter says. It a good thing I had a hard on.
[Long] boudreaux and thibodeaux were a pair of good old country boys.
Boudreaux grew up to be a baptist pastor and thibodeaux became a catholic priest. These good friends even had their churches right across the street from each other.
Well one day boudreaux was putting a sign in his church yard and that thibodeaux was putting up the exact same one. The both said "Turn now or perish."
Right then then a car drove by and the driver flipped them both the bird and yelled "Get a life you freaks." Followed by a big splash off water.
Boudreaux looks up and says "Hey Thibodeaux ya think we should change the sign to bridge out."
Jesus relieves St. Peter at he pearly gates for a coffee break.
Soon an old man approaches to be admitted. Jesus thinks to himself..."Oh man, I know this guy from somewhere." Embarrassed, he says, "Yes, I know you. On Earth you lived...let's see..." The old man says, "I lived in a Mediterranean country." Jesus says, "Right, I remember. And you worked as...uh..." "I was a carpenter." the old man says. "Yes, and kids, you had..." The old man says, "Well there was the boy, but he wasn't really mine." Then it clicks, Jesus looks at the old man and cries, "Dad!" and the old man cries, "Pinocchio!"
A plane is about to c**..., there are 4 passengers and only 3 parachutes...
The first passenger, Steph Curry, says "I am the best player in the NBA! The Warriors and my fans need me!" and jumps out with the first pack.
The second passenger, Donald Trump, says "I am the most respected and intelligent US president in history! My country needs me!" and jumps out with the second pack.
The third passenger, the Pope, turns to the fourth passenger, a little boy, and says "My son, I don't have many years left in this world, but you have so many years ahead of you. You can take the last parachute." Then the little boy replies "It's ok your Holiness there's still a parachute left for you, Mr. Trump took my backpack."
Obama went on a run
and fell in a river.
-
three young boys pulled him out of the river. Obama said my god, you saved the president of your country. name any one thing you want and you'll have it.
-
The first boy said he wanted a house for his mother, they'd never had a house. Obama bought it.
-
The second boy wanted to go to Disney world. Obama made it so.
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The third boy asked for a wheelchair. Perplexed, Obama said "Why do you need a wheel chair, you seem to walk fine".
-
The young boy replied "well now, sure. but wait until my dad finds out i saved your life."
A Jewish man is elected president...
Soon after, he calls up his mother to tell her the good news. "Mom, did you hear, I've been elected president!" "Oh, T
That's so great to hear, darling. I'm so proud of you!"
"So," asks the man, "you'll be coming out for the inauguration, right?" "I'm not sure," says his mother, "D.C. is so cold this time of year." "I'm the president, mom. I can arrange for you to get any sweater you want."
"I'm still not sure," continues his mother, "flying across the country is such a hassle." "Mom, I'll have you flown out here on Air Force One. It'll be no trouble to you." Finally, his mother agrees.
The day of the inaguration rolls around, and his mother is seated between the Vice President and the Secretary of State. As the man is being sworn in, his mother nudges the vice president.
"You see that boy up there? The one with his hand on the Bible? His brother's a doctor. "
Mommy Mommy I peed a BB
There was this family who lived in the country, and the father took his boy out shooting. When they came back later that day the father put his BB gun on the top of the stove and hurried to the bathroom.
He set it down so fast and hard that it opened and the BB's from the gun went right into mother's spagetti sauce. She had seen the BB's and just figured that they couldn't hurt anyone, so she just served dinner anyways.
Later that night the little girl ran down stairs saying, "mommy mommy I just peed BB's! Well did it hurt you said the mom. No said the girl. Ok then don;t worry it will go away.
Then the little boy runs down stairs, "mommy mommy I just peed BB's! Well did it hurt she says? No says the boy. Ok then don't worry about it, it will go away.
Later that night the father rushes down the stairs with his pants down - "honey, honey, I was just up stairs jacking off and I shot the dog!"
A plane ride.
A Canadian, an Irishman, and a Mexican are on a plane. So they're flying over Mexico and the Mexican dropped a coin because he loves his country. Then, they fly over Ireland and the Irishman dropped a coin because he loves his country. But when they flew over Canada the Canadian dropped a bomb because he hates his country. The next day the Mexican was walking down the street and saw a little boy crying so he asked why. The little boy said "A coin fell down and killed my Mom!". The same day the Irishman was walking down the street and saw a little girl crying so hr asked why. The little girl said "Because a coin fell down and killed my sister!". The next day the Canadian was walking down the road and saw a little boy laughing so he asked why. The little boy said "I f**... and my neighbours house blew up!"
Sorry for the length.
The President, the First Lady, a boy scout and a pilot are on a plane.
(Not sure if this one has been submitted already)
Suddenly, a bird gets stuck in one of the engines, causing it to burst into flames. The pilot tells the passengers that the plane will c**..., but there are only 3 parachutes on the plane.
The president grabs one and says, "I am the most important man in the country! The people need me!" and quickly jumps out of the plane.
The first lady grabs another parachute and says, "How will the president be able to manage his children without his wife?" and jumps out of the plane as well.
Now, only the boy scout and the pilot are on the plane. The pilot says, "You should go. You have more of your life ahead of you than I do. Go on and change the world."
The boy scout says, "We can both go, there are two parachutes left!"
"Huh? How is that possible? There were only 3 parachutes!"
"The president took my backpack. C'mon, lets go now!"
A guy meets a girl at a bar, and they go back to her place...
When they get inside, the girl asks the guy if they want to 69. The guy is a country boy come to the city, and has no idea what that is.
"Well, you put your head between my legs, and I put my head between yours."
The guy thinks this sounds fun, so he agrees.
They head to the girl's bedroom, disrobe, and get in bed. But right as the guy gets his head between her legs, she accidentally farts.
He pulls back and gasps: "Agh! What was that?" Embarassed, she tells him to keep going and try again.
Just as he gets his face between her legs, she accidentally farts again. The guy retches, stands up, grabs his clothes and starts to leave.
"Wait!" The girl yells, "Where are you going?"
"Ma'am, if you think I'm sticking around for 67 more of those, you're crazy."
An American, Mexican, and Arab are in a plane...
They fly over America and the American drops a ball out of the plane. The others ask why and he replies, "This will make someone in my country very happy and I love my country."
They fly over Mexico and the the Mexican drops a flower out of the plane. The others ask why and he replies, "I love my country and wish to make it more beautiful."
When they fly over Iran, the Arab drops a bomb out of the plane. Seeing the shocked looks on the other's faces he says, "I hate this country."
When the American gets home he sees a boy crying on the street. He goes to see whats wrong and the boy says, "I was walking my dog and a ball fell from the sky and killed him!"
When the Mexican gets home he sees a woman crying holding her face. He goes to help and asks what the problem is. She cries out, "I heard a wooshing sound, looked up, and a flower stabbed me in the eye!"
When the Arab gets home he sees a man rolling on the ground laughing. He asks the man whats so funny and the man chokes out the worlds, "I f**... and the building behind me blew up!"
A city boy was getting ready to move to the country...
He went a local horse breeder and bought a fine looking horse for a $1000 and told the man he'd be back in a week when he moved in to pick it up.
A week later the city boy drives his brand new truck and horse trailer to the breeder's ranch to pick up the horse.
The rancher says, "Sorry mister, the horse you bought died just yesterday."
The city man thinks about this for a moment and says, "Okay, load it up in the trailer."
"The dead horse?" the rancher asks. "Yep" says the city man.
A month later the rancher sees the city man at the local feed mart and says, "Say, what did you do with that dead horse?".
"I auctioned it off for $5 a ticket. I sold 500 tickets and made $2500 and bought myself an even better horse!" says the man. The rancher says "But what did you do after the drawing?"
"Well, I told the winner that the horse had died and I gave him his $5 back."
So a city boy moves to the country.
Bob always hated his big city life, so one day he sold all his possessions and moved to the countryside.
Proud of the new land he purchased he felt like exploring one day, so he got on his horse and follow the old barbed wire fence til he spotted a man
"Hey there! how's it going? I'm Bob and I came here to get away from the city!"
"izzat so?" the man replied "well in that case, I guess I should be invitin' ya to a neighborhood party happenin' at my place tonight. but I should warn ya city boy, out in the country we like to drink a lot at our parties"
"well" bob said "in the city the bars are open all night, I think I can handle the drinking"
"Ok, if you say so. out here in the country we also tend to fight when we drink"
"oh, well the city is a violent place too, I think I can handle myself."
"Alright don't say I didn't warn ya, there's one more thing though, our parties can get a little wilder, and though the church don't condone it, pre-marital s**... tends to happen too."
bob chuckling to himself at this point said " well I think I can handle that too. I'll be sure to swing by tonight. By the way, just so I fit in, is there any sort of dress code I should follow so I don't stand out?
"oh you don't worry 'bout that, just show up in whatever feels comfortable. It's just gonna be the two of us tonight"
There was once a poetry competition...
and it was down to the final two contestants. The first was an English Lit professor from Harvard while the second was a country boy from the back woods of Alabama who had somehow made it that far.
For the finals the moderator says "Gentleman, I will now ask each of you to create a poem using the word 'Timbuctu.' Good luck and may the best man win. Harvard, you may go first."
The professor takes the stage, stands there for a second, clears his t**... and says -
"Across the burning desert sands, winds a lonely caravan.
Camels traveling two by two, destination Timbuctu"
The audience is thoroughly impressed and considers the competition practically over, but Alabama still gets his shot.
He slowly takes the stage and scratches his head for a minute before beginning-
"A camping me and Tim we went,
Met three girls in a pop-up tent,
They were three and we were two,
So I bucked one and Tim bucked two"
The duck hunter
Grandpa was a keen country sportsman and one day he decided to take his grandson shooting with him. Togged up in all his hunting gear, shotgun broken across his forearm, he proudly led little Jimmy down to the lake side. After waiting patiently for a while a lone duck came into view flying over the lake. "Now watch this Jimmy," says Grandpa. He takes careful aim and fires. The duck flies serenely on. "My boy," exclaims Grandpa, "you are witnessing a miracle. There flies a dead duck."
A man is driving down a country road
when he comes to a spot covered in in water. Not knowing how deep the water is he turns around and goes back the way he came. A little ways down the road he meets a little boy. He asks the little boy if the water is shallow enough to drive through and the little boy says yes it is. A few minutes later he starts to drive across when the car sinks and floods with water. The man gets out and walks back to the little boy and says "I thought you said the water was shallow." and the little boy says. "Well it only came up to here on the ducks."
Another Soviet Joke
In a small town outside Moscow a very proud primary school teacher began the Monday the same was she began every monday: by asking the students what they did to help their fellow comrads in the glorious Soviet Union. She turned to Illya Ivanovich.
"Illya Ivanovich, what did you do today to help the Collective?"
Illya thought a moment and replied, "Well, Katerina Maximovna, I helped an old woman cross the street."
"Wonderful," his teacher replied, "you truly helped your country. And you, Alexander Michaelovich, what did you do this weekend to help the Collective?"
"Well, you see Katerina Maximovna, I was helping Illya to help the old lady cross the street."
"OK. Good work. You certainly helped your nation and your fellow comrads." Katerina then looked at Dimitri Fyodorovich.
"And you, Dimitri Fyodorovich. What did you do this weekend to benefit the Collective?"
Dimitri thought for a moment, and then said, "Katerina Maximovna, you see, I was also helping Alexander and Illya to help the old woman across the street."
Katerina Maximovna paused a moment, and then with a confused look she said, "OK, Dimitri Fyodorovich, it is always good to help others. But I am confused. Why did it take three strong young boys to help one old babushka across the street?"
Dimitri thought for a moment and answered, "Well, you see, she didn't want to cross."
