countries Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious countries puns

Trump should not have said "shit-hole countries".

The correct term is "turd-world countries".

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We used to have empires run by emperors, then we had kingdoms run by kings..

Now we have countries..

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God was creating all the countries and it was Canada's turn

He turned to his angels and said "this country will have unmatched beauty, plenty of natural resources, and its citizens will be the happiest and friendliest in the world"

The angels ask God, "aren't you blessing this country a little TOO much?" and God replies, "wait till you see who their neighbour is"

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What would happen if two African countries get in a war?

A 3rd World War.

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An international school teacher asks a question: "What's your own opinion on food scarcity in other countries?"

**An African student:** What's food?

**A European student:** What's scarcity?

**An American student:** What are 'other countries'?

**A Chinese student:** What's 'my own opinion'?

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We used to have empires ruled by emperors, kingdoms ruled by kings and sultanates ruled by sultans.

Now we have countries....

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A son walks up to his dad

A son walks up to his dad and tells him: "Dad, did you know in other countries you don't know who your wife is until you get married?"

His dad replies: "It's like that everywhere son."

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What happens if a Danish blonde moves to Sweden?

The average intelligence of both countries goes up.

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I'm with the government when it comes to solving our countries problems.

I haven't got a fucking clue either.

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Say what you want about Vladimir Putin..

But not many people can run two countries at once

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Say what you want about Putin but he's the world hardest working president,

He has to run two countries instead of one.

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What do Saudi Arabia and Canada have in common?

In both countries, it's legal to get stoned.

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There are two types of countries,

Those that use the metric system and those that have put a man on the moon.

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In the past, empires were ruled by emperors, then kingdoms were ruled by kings.

Now we have countries.

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What are the two types of weather in Islamic countries?

It's either Sunni or Shi'ite

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Four kids walk into an interview...

Four kids walk into an interview. One is American, one is British, one is African, and one is Chinese. The interviewer asks them all the same question: "In your own opinion, what do you think of the scarcity of food in other countries?" The British kid asks "What is scarcity?" The American kid asks "What are other countries?" The African kid asks "What is food?" And the Chinese kid asks "What is my own opinion?"

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The leaders of 3 European countries hold a contest to see which one of them has the biggest penis.

The king of Spain lowers his trousers and the audience gasps, then cries "Viva Espana!" The king of France does the same, and his is even bigger. The audience shouts, "Vive La France!" The king of England disrobes, and after a moment of stunned silence, the audience yells, "God save the Queen!"

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How do people in other countries tell if kids are using drugs?

Here in the U.S. we just ask them how many grams are in an ounce.

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Why is it so easy to find a prostitute in Islamic countries?

They're always just a stone's throw away.

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Depression in Mexico

There are been a sharp increase in depression in Mexico since Trump got into office on the platform of building a wall between the two countries.

Leading mental health experts have said that sadly many Mexicans will never get over it.

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If women ruled the world there would be no wars....

...just a lot of countries that are FINE.

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As more asians are moving to Western countries, they're turning into good drivers.

So if you're a good driver, and you see an asian turning, get the fuck out of the way!

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I heard someone compare African countries to trashcans

I don't think that's a good comparison. My trashcan has food in it.

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Steven Spielberg is casting for his upcoming blockbuster on the history of classical music.

He asks his stars who they want to play. Brad Pitt says, "I want to be Mozart. His pastiche of influences from several European countries has always fascinated me." Tom Cruise chimes in with, "I'd like to be Beethoven. I love the way he handled the transition from Classicism to Romanticism." Arnold Schwarzenegger says, "I'll be Bach."

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There are two types of countries in the world....

Those who use the Metric System....

And those who have been to the Moon.

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In Japan they invented a machine that catches thieves

In Japan they invented a machine that catches thieves, so they took it out to different countries for a test. In USA, in 30 minutes, it caught 20 thieves,
UK, in 30 minutes it caught 500 thieves,
Spain in 20 minutes it caught 25 thieves :
Nigeria in 10 minutes it caught 6,000 thieves,
Uganda in 7 minutes it caught 20,000 thieves,
Then they brought it to South Africa , in 5 minutes the machine was stolen.

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Trump has left the historical Paris Climate Accord in which countries around the world agreed to fight global warming...

It was the first time he pulled out of a working model.

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So an Italian man and a Greek man we're arguing over which of their countries was the better one...

...and they eventually got to the topic of sex. The Greek, feeling as though had would clearly win with his next point, stated very boldly, "Oh yea? Well, we Greeks invented the art of sex!"

Without skipping a beat, the Italian replied, "True, but *we* invented sex with women!"

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There used to be great empires, ruled by Emperors, then there were Kingdoms ruled by Kings...

Now all we have is a bunch of countries....

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Old Cold War joke

A Russian and an American are talking about their countries. The American said, " we have the most freedom in the world, I can march into the White House bang on the president's desk and say sir I do not like how this country is being run." The Russian replied," I can do that too, I can march into the Kremlin, go up to our leaders desk and say sir I do not like how the US government is being run."

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Three men are on a boat back to North America...

A Mexican, an American, and a Canadian are all heading back to their home countries after going on a vacation in Europe. Suddenly the boat starts to sink. The Canadian says, "The boat is too heavy, we need to get rid of some stuff." The Mexican says, "We already have too many of these in Mexico!" and he throws the tacos out of the boat. The Canadian says, "We already have too many of these in Canada!" and he throws all the maple syrup off the boat. The American says, "We already have too many of these in America!" and he throws the Mexican off the boat.

*apoligies for racism, I am not a racist person*

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Wars would be obsolete if women ruled the world

There would just be a bunch of jealous countries who do not talk to eachother.

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There are two kinds of countries

Those who use the metric system, and those who have their flag on the moon.

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An International School Teacher

...starts a lesson with her 4 students, who are an American kid, an African kid, a European kid and a Chinese kid. She asks "what's your opinion on food scarcity in other countries?"
first, the African kid asks "what's food?"
the European kid asks "what's scarcity?"
the American kid asks "what's other countries?"
and finally the Chinese kid asks "what's my own opinion?"

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Three generations apart, watching a soccer game

"Hey great grandpa, watch this soccer game!"

"Sure, which two countries are playing?"

"Austria - Hungary."

"Against who?"

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What are the most funny Countries jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Countries? Well, here are the best Countries dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Countries pick up lines to share with friends.

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