The Best 89 Countries Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Countries jokes. There are some countries yemen jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these countries globe puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Countries Jokes and Puns
An international school teacher asks a question: "What's your own opinion on food scarcity in other countries?"
**An African student:** What's food?
**A European student:** What's scarcity?
**An American student:** What are 'other countries'?
**A Chinese student:** What's 'my own opinion'?
Trump should not have said "shit-hole countries".
The correct term is "turd-world countries".
So a teacher asks his class the question...
"What's your opinion on donating food to foreign countries?" The African student says, "What's food?" The Indian student says, "What's donating?" The American student says, " What's foreign countries?" And the Chinese student says, "What's my opinion?"
So an Italian man and a Greek man we're arguing over which of their countries was the better one...
...and they eventually got to the topic of sex. The Greek, feeling as though had would clearly win with his next point, stated very boldly, "Oh yea? Well, we Greeks invented the art of sex!"
Without skipping a beat, the Italian replied, "True, but *we* invented sex with women!"
They walk in the bar
A bartender is working at an upscale bar downtown when all of the sudden, an Englishman, a Dane, a Frenchman, a German, a Russian, an American, a Canadian, a Mexican, a Peruvian, a Brazilian, a Colombian, a Chinese, a Japanese, a Korean, 29 different Africans from all different African countries, and an Indian all walk in to the bar.
And the bartender says to them, sorry gentlemen, but you can't come here without a Thai.
^thanks ^SnW
Four kids walk into an interview...
Four kids walk into an interview. One is American, one is British, one is African, and one is Chinese. The interviewer asks them all the same question: "In your own opinion, what do you think of the scarcity of food in other countries?" The British kid asks "What is scarcity?" The American kid asks "What are other countries?" The African kid asks "What is food?" And the Chinese kid asks "What is my own opinion?"
Roger Federer was doing an interview...
... when the interviewer asked him how he felt about his countries flag being displayed by so many of his fans in the arena he replied
"Well, it's a big plus"
An International School Teacher
...starts a lesson with her 4 students, who are an American kid, an African kid, a European kid and a Chinese kid. She asks "what's your opinion on food scarcity in other countries?"
first, the African kid asks "what's food?"
the European kid asks "what's scarcity?"
the American kid asks "what's other countries?"
and finally the Chinese kid asks "what's my own opinion?"
Post Jokes About Americans
As an American, I've heard a lot about other countries. I recently heard one about Americans and it's got me wondering what else is out there. The Joke:
An American walks into a London pub.
A local notices and says, "Oi, look! An American! You know, if there's one thing I like about you Americans, it's your ability to appreciate irony!"
To which the American says, "Hey, thanks!"
Three men are on a boat back to North America...
A Mexican, an American, and a Canadian are all heading back to their home countries after going on a vacation in Europe. Suddenly the boat starts to sink. The Canadian says, "The boat is too heavy, we need to get rid of some stuff." The Mexican says, "We already have too many of these in Mexico!" and he throws the tacos out of the boat. The Canadian says, "We already have too many of these in Canada!" and he throws all the maple syrup off the boat. The American says, "We already have too many of these in America!" and he throws the Mexican off the boat.
*apoligies for racism, I am not a racist person*
A man said, "Dad, I just heard that in some countries, the groom does not even know his bride until after he is married."
His dad replied, that is true in all countries.
You can explore countries conquer reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean countries leaders dad jokes. There are also countries puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Europeans: What's a good American joke in your country?
On the heels of the funny Italian joke ("Emma comes first …") what jokes do other countries tell about Americans?
I feel really bad for kids in third world countries...
They have to go through puberty and their mid-life crisis at the same time.
Steven Spielberg is casting for his upcoming blockbuster on the history of classical music.
He asks his stars who they want to play. Brad Pitt says, "I want to be Mozart. His pastiche of influences from several European countries has always fascinated me." Tom Cruise chimes in with, "I'd like to be Beethoven. I love the way he handled the transition from Classicism to Romanticism." Arnold Schwarzenegger says, "I'll be Bach."
Wars would be obsolete if women ruled the world
There would just be a bunch of jealous countries who do not talk to eachother.
I enjoy rating countries on a 0-10 scale
I give Nepal a solid 7.8. The score is so high, it's ground breaking
There are two types of countries on this planet
ones that use the metric system and the one that got to the moon
A son walks up to his dad
A son walks up to his dad and tells him: "Dad, did you know in other countries you don't know who your wife is until you get married?"
His dad replies: "It's like that everywhere son."
They said Brexit would let us get closer to non-EU countries.
They were right, we now have more in common with Zimbabwe than ever before.
How do people in other countries tell if kids are using drugs?
Here in the U.S. we just ask them how many grams are in an ounce.
The Japanese designed a detective-robot able to catch thieves easily
They tried it out in three countries.
In Japan, the robots caught 100 thieves in five minutes.
In the US, the robots caught 200 thieves in five minutes.
In Albania, five minutes were enough for the robots to be stolen.
TIL that North Korea is one of few countries where women Truly have equal rights to men.
That is that they both equally don't have any.
Even if they all unite against Trump, those seven countries won't get off the list
A seven nation army couldn't hold Trump back.
Depression in Mexico
There are been a sharp increase in depression in Mexico since Trump got into office on the platform of building a wall between the two countries.
Leading mental health experts have said that sadly many Mexicans will never get over it.
We used to have empires ruled by emperors, kingdoms ruled by kings and sultanates ruled by sultans.
Now we have countries....
Old Cold War joke
A Russian and an American are talking about their countries. The American said, " we have the most freedom in the world, I can march into the White House bang on the president's desk and say sir I do not like how this country is being run." The Russian replied," I can do that too, I can march into the Kremlin, go up to our leaders desk and say sir I do not like how the US government is being run."
Trump has left the historical Paris Climate Accord in which countries around the world agreed to fight global warming...
It was the first time he pulled out of a working model.
There used to be great empires, ruled by Emperors, then there were Kingdoms ruled by Kings...
Now all we have is a bunch of countries....
There are two types of countries,
Those that use the metric system and those that have put a man on the moon.
Three generations apart, watching a soccer game
"Hey great grandpa, watch this soccer game!"
"Sure, which two countries are playing?"
"Austria - Hungary."
"Against who?"
If women ruled the world there would be no wars....
...just a lot of countries that are FINE.
What are the two types of weather in Islamic countries?
It's either Sunni or Shi'ite
I've spent the day in a German police station.
Word to the wise… Don't go hailing a taxi in Germany like you do in other countries.
How can Finland be one of the happiest countries in the world with such a high suicide rate?
All the miserable people kill themselves
What would happen if two African countries get in a war?
A 3rd World War.
There are two types of countries in the world....
Those who use the Metric System....
And those who have been to the Moon.
In the past, empires were ruled by emperors, then kingdoms were ruled by kings.
Now we have countries.
If you get caught stealing in most countries, the police take your fingerprints and release you...
If you get caught stealing in Iran, the police take your fingerprints and you don't get them back.
In Japan they invented a machine that catches thieves
In Japan they invented a machine that catches thieves, so they took it out to different countries for a test. In USA, in 30 minutes, it caught 20 thieves,
UK, in 30 minutes it caught 500 thieves,
Spain in 20 minutes it caught 25 thieves :
Nigeria in 10 minutes it caught 6,000 thieves,
Uganda in 7 minutes it caught 20,000 thieves,
Then they brought it to South Africa , in 5 minutes the machine was stolen.
What happens if a Danish blonde moves to Sweden?
The average intelligence of both countries goes up.
What do you call a war between African countries
A third world war.
There are two kinds of countries
Those who use the metric system, and those who have their flag on the moon.
Why is it so easy to find a prostitute in Islamic countries?
They're always just a stone's throw away.
Let's stop calling countries shitholes...
And start calling them Turd-world nations.
Say what you want about Vladimir Putin..
But not many people can run two countries at once
(Ukrainian joke). Leaders of three countries discuss their economies and taxes.
US President says: we tax our people at roughly 30%, and what they do with the rest, is not of my business
UK prime minister says: we tax our people at 50%, and what they do with the rest is none of my business.
Ukrainian president says: we tax our people at 130%, and where they get the rest, is none of my business
This is a joke from the 1990s.
God was creating all the countries and it was Canada's turn
He turned to his angels and said "this country will have unmatched beauty, plenty of natural resources, and its citizens will be the happiest and friendliest in the world"
The angels ask God, "aren't you blessing this country a little TOO much?" and God replies, "wait till you see who their neighbour is"
Muslim countries would do so well if the Olympic were during ramadan.
Because they really fast
I heard someone compare African countries to trashcans
I don't think that's a good comparison. My trashcan has food in it.
What's the difference between Chamberlain and Hitler?
Chamberlain takes weekends in the country while Hitler takes countries in the weekend.
Say what you want about Putin but he's the world hardest working president,
He has to run two countries instead of one.
No matter what one says about Putin
It's tough running two countries single handedly
What do Saudi Arabia and Canada have in common?
In both countries, it's legal to get stoned.
We used to have empires run by emperors, then we had kingdoms run by kings..
Now we have countries..
Memes have come a long way since they appeared on the internet.
They used to be funny pictures you sent to your friends, now they lead countries.
Did you know that dogs have certain accents based on the countries their from?
For example, in Korea, they make a sizzling noise
Did you know communist countries have the best bakers in the world?
People will line up for miles just to get a slice of their bread.
Here is a joke from the Soviet Union (also popular in other communist countries before 1989)
A CIA agent is sent on a spy mission to Moscow, Soviet Union. He goes to a grocery store and writes down in his diary "There is no food".
He then goes to a clothes shop and puts down in the diary "there are no shoes".
He goes out of the shop and a KGB agent waits for him outside. "You know, 10 years ago we would have shot you for that."
The CIA agent writes in his diary "There are no bullets".
More than half of $2.6bn (£1.9bn) in donations made at a special one-day conference to ease the humanitarian crisis in Yemen were pledged by countries that are either fighting in the civil war or selling arms to those undertaking the fighting.
When life gives you Yemen, you give Yemen aid.
Pets are like countries.
Dogs are like Canada. They're incredibly friendly, but to some, to a naive degree.
Cats are like England. They're rude and act like they're better than everybody, but we find them so charming for some reason.
Parrots are like America. They blindly repeat anybody they believe is of higher intelligence, especially if the owner is Russian.
Goldfish are like Carpatho-Ukraine. They'd be lucky to last a year.
First we lived in kingdoms run by Kings, then Empires run by Emperors
Now we live in Countries...
I believe that it is time for all the world's countries to come together and create one universal currency
I mean it's just common cents
All countries eventually got coronavirus eventually
China just got it right off the bat.
Accent humour, mate!
It's the year 2022, WWIII has started. 1st world countries vs 2nd world countries and Middle East. Britain asks for reinforcement from Australia. The Australian regiment arrives and next morning starts preparing while the British Commander enters and starts increasing the army's morale:
British Commander: Did you came here *to die*?
Australian Soldier: No sir, we came here *yester-die*.
The US confederate flags supporters should be proud.
They are part of a long line of countries that lost wars to the USA.
This is not a racist joke, i will use France, you can put whichever country you like instead
First, God created Britain, then the British.
After Britain, God created Spain, then the Spanish.
After Spain, God created France. The British and Spanish objected because France was much more beautiful than their countries.
Then God created the French.
Earth is the third planet from the sun.
By this logic, all countries are third world countries
I've traveled the world and met people from many countries.
From my experience, American kids are some of the nicest, but German children are kinder
we used to have empires run by emperor's, and kingdoms run by kings,
now we have countries...
So, a Frenchman, an American and a Russian are at a car show.
Frenchman looks at the show car and says "we French also have good cars. At home we drive Citroen, but when we go abroad we drive the luxurious Renault".
The American agrees, and says "we also drive Ford pickups at home, but abroad we drive Cadillacs to impress".
The Russian thinks for a bit and says: "_da_, in Russia we drive Lada. In other countries, we drive T-72."
Snow isn't a problem in Muslim countries but...
...ISIS
Vladimir Putin and Kim Jong Un are discussing their countries, and decide to have a contest to see whose soldiers are more obedient.
They are in a hotel at the top of a mountain near a cliff.
Vladimir Putin instructs a soldier to run and jump off the cliff. The soldier says "Please Putin, I have a wife and children!" Putin lets him go.
Kim Jong Un instructs a soldier to jump. The soldier runs to jump off the cliff. Putin grabs him before he can, telling him not to jump. The soldier says "Please Putin, I have a wife and children!"
Donald Trump, Queen Elizabeth II and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell.
Satan decides to let each of them to call their own countries, but at a cost. Queen Elizabeth speaks to the U.K Government for 30 minutes and pays 1 million dollars. Vladimir Putin speaks with the Russian Government for an hour and pays 2 million dollars. Donald Trump speaks with the American Government for 2 hours and only pays 300 dollars.
Upon hearing this, Putin went ballistic and demanded that Satan tell him why Donald had to pay so less but get to talk more. Satan answered simply, "Ever since Donald Trump became U.S President, he has turned America into a hell-hole, so it's a local call."
All countries eventually got Coronavirus...
But China got it right off the bat
Initially the US was way behind other countries in COVID-19 cases.
Little did those countries know, the US had a Trump card.
There are two types of countries in this world.....
Those that use the metric system, and those that have set foot on the moon.
Snow isnt aproblem in arab countries
But isis
An international school teacher asks: What's your own honest opinion on food scarcity in other countries?
An African student responds: What's food?
A Western European student: What's scarcity?
An Eastern European student: What's honest?
A Chinese student: What's opinion?
A Russian student: What's your?
An American student: What's other countries?
UK is a very generous country
It is the largest supplier of Independence day to countries around the world.
"Y'know, I'm a criminal in 72 countries."
"How so?"
"Well, for starters, I'm gay."
What do you call 2 people from different countries having sex?
Foreign Affairs
Snow isn't a problem in Islamic countries
But ISIS
What three countries did the giant eat?
Got turkey, dipped it in Greece and fried it in Japan.
Countries around the world are having a competition to find out which currency is the best
Brazilian trying to keep it real, Russian is in ruble, and South Korean won.
Generally, when Communist countries get patriotic…
it's a big red flag
Ideas are like Countries.
I don't like yours.
(Sorry if Tha Joke was already taken) An American and a Soviet Russian...
Were Talking About Their Countries Freedom of Freedom and Rights , The American said : "Mr Kutznesova , in the Usa i can go right into the White House and say to President Ronald Reagan that he's way to Manage the Country isnt Right for Me " . The Russian Guy replied : " Mr Smith , i can also go to my President Gorbacev and say that i don't like the Way Ronald Reagan manages his Country".
How to impress women
A guy walks into a bar carrying a couple of axes and orders a beer. "What've ya got there?" the bartender asks. "Oh, these are some of my new axes I bought online," the guy says. "I order them in from countries overseas. I just love how they smell." "Well, that's all fine and good, I guess. But why did you bring them to the bar?" the bartender asks. "To be honest I was hoping to meet women," the guy replies. "I hear they love foreign axe scents."
The truth about marriage
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Did you know in some other countries you don't know who your wife is until you are married?" he asks the bartender. "It's the same everywhere, son," the bartender replies.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the countries world jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working countries wars piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.