Countless Jokes

Following is our collection of celebrities puns and lots one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Countless jokes for adults, dirty multibillion jokes and clean selfless dad gags for kids.

The Best Countless Puns

My grandpa knew the Titanic was going to sink. He said it loudly countless times...

Then he got kicked out of the theater.

Funny unknown historical fact:

Pharoahs were burried with their hands crossed their chest because it was a historical belief there would be countless water slides in the after life.

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. As they lay down for the night, the fire dwindling nearby, Holmes said: "Watson, look up and tell me what you see".

Watson said "I see a fantastic panorama of countless of stars".

Holmes: "And what does that tell you?"

Watson: "Astronomically, it suggests to me that if there are billions of other galaxies that have roughly similar stellar population densities as represented by my view, that, potentially, trillions of planets may be associated with such a galactic and, therefore, stellar population. Allowing for similar chemical distribution throughout the cosmos it may be reasonably implied that life-and possibly intelligent life-may well fill the universe.

Also, being a believer, theologically, it tells me that the vastness of space may be yet another suggestion of the greatness of God and that we are small and insignificant.

Meteorologically, the blackness of the sky and the crispness of the stellar images tells me that there is low humidity and stable air and therefore we are most likely to enjoy a beautiful day tomorrow.

Why? - What does it tell you, Mr. Holmes?"

Holmes: "Someone stole our tent".

A man walks out of a bar...

He realizes he must be drunk after having seen an Irishman, Englishman and a Scotsman drinking together, A horse, 2 chemists (one dead), a piano player, a dog, a monkey, an octopus, 007, an ostrich as well as a befuddled bartender tending to countless men walking into the bar...

How many vampires showed up to the garlic eating competition?

I don't know, it was countless


Mario sits Princess Peach down to have a serious talk.

Peach, we've been together a long time, I've saved you countless times, but I just can't go on any longer.

But I want you to know, it's not you, itsa me, Mario.

Some people are suggesting that Bill Cosby should have his honourary doctorate taken away.

But the man successfully anesthetized over 50 women, countless times. If anything he has done more to earn the title doctor" than ever before.

I've bedded countless women.

Best bed salesman ever.

What do you call a mare who has countless sex?

A Whorse.

What did Eve have to do to repent for her countless sins?

Add 'em

Hey girl, are you a bible?

'Cuz you look like countless generations of men have abused you for their own selfish agendas.


I, an Orca, tried to warn my brother countless times.

He just had to eat that family of dolphins in shallow water.


Well, the idiot beached himself.


If I told him once I told him a thousand times.


Don't eat Tide Pods.

I always wanted to become the world's youngest Elvis impersonator. My childhood was nonstop guitar practice voice training and dance class. I went to countless auditions before ever hitting puberty My performance was flawless but every time but every audition ended the same way...

... they looked me right in my face & said sorry kid you don't have the Chops.

The girl and the pastry chefs

There once was a girl who kept being followed by pastry chefs wearing cook hats. After countless days of being followed, she asked her friend if she could tell her why the chefs were following her. The friend replied "you really need to do something about that yeast infection."

With-holding Sex Always Make Them Crack

I'm with-holding sex from countless women at the moment, and they won't even budge.

What are the Grammar Nazis responsible for?

The destruction of countless lifes.

IOC Drops Wrestling From 2020 Olympics

Countless people are stunned by this takedown.

Over the years, I've poured countless hours into developing a simpler, more efficient form of blood transfusion.

So far, all my efforts have been in vein.

Why does Santa not ask for help in giving countless gifts to countless kids?

because he's an independent Claus.


This November 11 we shall remember the countless lives that were ruined all those years ago...

By Skyrim.

11/11/11

My wife couldn't stop crying after I told her she wasn't good in bed.

This crybaby didn't stop even though I repeated countless times that she would still be better than her sister.

"You look so cute reading the news paper!"

It's taken me three years and countless hours, but attracting male attention by staying updated on current events is finally working.

See, I would make a joke about this sub's reposts and repetition,

but then again this pointless format has been used countless times since we've all gotten here.

There is an abundance of hbo jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 23 funniest jokes and countless puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any mundane witze you can hear about countless.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes