Countless Jokes
33 countless jokes and hilarious countless puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about countless that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Countless Short Jokes
Short countless jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The countless humour may include short numerous jokes also.
- Funny unknown historical fact: Pharoahs were burried with their hands crossed their chest because it was a historical belief there would be countless water slide in the after life.
- How many vampires showed up to the garlic eating competition? I don't know, it was countless
- This November 11 we shall remember the countless lives that were ruined all those years ago... By Skyrim.
11/11/11 - Over the years, I've poured countless hours into developing a simpler, more efficient form of blood transfusion. So far, all my efforts have been in vein.
- See, I would make a joke about this sub's reposts and repetition, but then again this pointless format has been used countless times since we've all gotten here.
- Why does Santa not ask for help in giving countless gifts to countless kids? because he's an independent Claus.
- "You look so cute reading the news paper!" It's taken me three years and countless hours, but attracting male attention by staying updated on current events is finally working.
- After countless scientific trials and errors, I have successfully turned back time. It's emit.
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Countless One Liners
Which countless one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with countless? I can suggest the ones about endless and infinite.
- I've bedded countless women. Best bed salesman ever.
- What did Eve have to do to repent for her countless sins? Add 'em
- IOC Drops Wrestling From 2020 Olympics Countless people are stunned by this takedown.
- What are the Grammar n**... responsible for? The destruction of countless lifes.
Howlingly Hilarious Countless Jokes for an Unforgettable Evening
What funny jokes about countless you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean plethora jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make countless pranks.
A man walks out of a bar...
He realizes he must be drunk after having seen an Irishman, Englishman and a Scotsman drinking together, A horse, 2 chemists (one dead), a piano player, a dog, a monkey, an octopus, 007, an ostrich as well as a befuddled bartender tending to countless men walking into the bar...
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. As they lay down for the night, the fire dwindling nearby, Holmes said: "Watson, look up and tell me what you see".
Watson said "I see a fantastic panorama of countless of stars".
Holmes: "And what does that tell you?"
Watson: "Astronomically, it suggests to me that if there are billions of other galaxies that have roughly similar stellar population densities as represented by my view, that, potentially, trillions of planets may be associated with such a galactic and, therefore, stellar population. Allowing for similar chemical distribution throughout the cosmos it may be reasonably implied that life-and possibly intelligent life-may well fill the universe.
Also, being a believer, theologically, it tells me that the vastness of space may be yet another suggestion of the greatness of God and that we are small and insignificant.
Meteorologically, the blackness of the sky and the crispness of the stellar images tells me that there is low humidity and stable air and therefore we are most likely to enjoy a beautiful day tomorrow.
Why? - What does it tell you, Mr. Holmes?"
Holmes: "Someone stole our tent".
Mario sits Princess Peach down to have a serious talk.
peach, we've been together a long time, I've saved you countless times, but I just can't go on any longer.
But I want you to know, it's not you, itsa me, Mario.
Some people are suggesting that Bill Cosby should have his honourary doctorate taken away.
But the man successfully anesthetized over 50 women, countless times. If anything he has done more to earn the title doctor" than ever before.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between Jesus and vaccines?
One has the ability to prevent disease, slow down and eventually stop a global pandemic, and has saved countless millions of lives.
The other is a giant hoax, made up by evil s**... bags to control the global population.
I, an Orca, tried to warn my brother countless times.
He just had to eat that family of dolphins in shallow water.
Well, the idiot beached himself.
If I told him once I told him a thousand times.
Don't eat Tide Pods.
I always wanted to become the world's youngest Elvis impersonator. My childhood was nonstop guitar practice voice training and dance class. I went to countless auditions before ever hitting puberty My performance was flawless but every time but every audition ended the same way...
... they looked me right in my face & said sorry kid you don't have the Chops.
The girl and the pastry chefs
There once was a girl who kept being followed by pastry chefs wearing cook hats. After countless days of being followed, she asked her friend if she could tell her why the chefs were following her. The friend replied "you really need to do something about that yeast infection."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
With-holding s**... Always Make Them Crack
I'm with-holding s**... from countless women at the moment, and they won't even budge.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My wife couldn't stop crying after I told her she wasn't good in bed.
This crybaby didn't stop even though I repeated countless times that she would still be better than her sister.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
John was on his deathbed
and his family was gathered near. Then his best friend Jim arrived and stood close to him. John's condition rapidly deteriorated and he motioned to something to write with. When offered, he quickly scribbled something and gave it to Jim. Out of respect, Jim placed it in his pocket as the nurses desperately tried to save John. A few seconds later, they declared that he had died.
At John's f**..., Jim was about to give the eulogy when he remembered the note. He told the gathered mourners: "in his last moments, John wrote something to me, that I am sure will inspire me and countless others for years." He took out the note and read aloud "you're standing on my oxygen tube"
After years of going to catholic church I've finally decided to seek other points of view on religion...
... After countless hours of study and understanding, I felt an uneasy feeling in my stomach.
Had I made a mistake? Had I crossed a benevolent God?
I had studied Judaism in Israel,
Buddhism in Tibet,
Even to indigenous areas of the globe to to better understand what it means to have a God.
After all of this, I found myself being discharged from an Indian hospital, surrounded by doctors and nurses, and I say
Am I dying ?
The head doctor replies
No, you were just Sikh for a few days .
So a guy buys a TV on finance from a local shop...
However, he didn't pay any money for it at all. Countless warnings were sent to him, telling him that he must pay for the TV in the instalments agreed to, or they would seize the TV.
The warnings came to no avail. The guy was called upon by the courts to explain why he had not responded to the payment requests.
The judge asked How can you explain why you ignored these letters? .
The man replied Well, judge. The contract stated that I didn't have to pay any interest at all for 6 months.
The World's Greatest Detective.
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were camping. They'd gone to sleep beneath the night sky, when Holmes awoke and shook his companion.
"Watson, look at the sky and tell me what you see."
"I see millions of brilliant stars," Watson answered.
"And what does that tell you?"
"Astronomically, it tells me that there are countless galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically speaking, Saturn is in Leo. Theologically, I see that God is all-powerful and that we are small and insignificant. And you, Holmes?"
Holmes paused. "What I see, Watson, is that someone has stolen our tent!"
A heavily inebriated man is out with his wife.
Finally they call it a day and make their way home. Driving on a major road, the car swerves dangerously, frequently crossing lanes at a frightening speed and narrowly avoiding causing countless collisions. Eventually they are pulled over by the cops.
With the window lowered, the man attempts to justify his actions.
"Goodd evvening... offficer..." he slurs. "As you can see, I've had rather a lot to drink."
The cop is fuming. "Sir. That is not a valid excuse to allow your wife to drive."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Jesus and the Devil have a competition
After countless years of Jesus being in the spotlight, the Devil had had enough. He issued a challenge to Jesus; whoever writes the longest story on Microsoft Word wins. Jesus accepts, and they get to it. After hours and hours of frantic typing, there is suddenly a power cut. The Devil is furious, whilst Jesus remains calm. As soon as the power comes back, he boots up his computer and has lost all his work, before seeing Jesus calmly typing from where he left off. l**... is not happy at all, calling Jesus a cheat, before God intervenes, proclaiming Jesus the winner. The moral of the story? *Jesus saves*
a soldier finds himself outside after night fall
A soldier finds himself outside his base of operations in a foreign country after night fall. He managed to find himself back at the main gate of entry but was unable to produce any physical evidence that he was in fact born and raised in the USA. The guard at the gate was not allowed to let anyone in who wasn't a citizen of the United States. The solider suggested that the guard ask him a few questions to prove in nationally. The guard then replied, "OK, sing the national anthem." The solider then sang the national anthem just as he has heard it at countless sporting events and county fairs. When he finished the guard said, "OK, now sing the second verse." The solider yelled, "I don't know the second verse!" to which the guard said,"you're obviously American, c'mon in."
