Counting Sheep Jokes
48 counting sheep jokes and hilarious counting sheep puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about counting sheep that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Counting Sheep Short Jokes
Short counting sheep jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The counting sheep humour may include short flock of sheep jokes also.
- A boxer was having trouble sleeping. He goes to the doctor.
Doctor asks "Have you tried counting sheep?
Boxer replies "I have but every time I get to the count of eight, I stand up. - I have adhd and have troubles getting to sleep. Doctor recommended counting sheep... 1 sheep. 2 sheep. 3 sheep. Cow. Duck. Horse. *Old MacDonald had a farm* and bingo was his name-o!
- When I lay down to go to sleep, I watch Hillary Clinton rallies It is much more convenient than counting sheep individually.
- I count women who I slept with when I try to sleep. \- Why not sheep?
\- I only had one sheep. - I was lying in bed last night, counting sheep, when I thought to myself: 'I could have sworn I shut the barn door...'
- Why does DJ Khaled have sleeping issues? Because everytime he tries to count sheeps before falling asleep, he always goes like : "Another one, another one, another one..."
- I used to be a Shepherd, but I have no idea how many sheep I had. Kept falling asleep trying to count them.
- Why did the farmer never know how many sheep he had? Because every time he tried to count them all he fell asleep.
- My Grandpa was a retired Boxer. He had trouble sleeping. He tried counting sheep but everytime he got to 10 he got up.
- A sheep walks into a bar joke A sheep walks into a bar. Lots more sheep follow, the barman counts them and falls asleep, the sheep help themselves to free drinks. Genius.
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Counting Sheep One Liners
Which counting sheep one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with counting sheep? I can suggest the ones about sheep ewe and shepherd and sheep.
- How does a blonde count a thousand sheep? She counts the legs, and divides by 4.
- What do you call an insomniac vampire? Count Sheep.
- Why did the shepherd sleep on the job? Because he was busy counting sheep.
- The shepherd counted 98 sheep...
- Why did the sheep all fall asleep before bed time? They tried to do a head count.
- Who counts more sheep than mattress companies? Apple Inc.
- Why do Welsh people have so many wet dreams? They get to sleep by counting sheep.
- Why did the restless Scottish man have a w**...? Because he was counting sheep!
- How does a Democrat fall asleep? They count themselves. #sheep.
The Funniest Counting Sheep Jokes for a Bone-Shaking Laugh
What funny jokes about counting sheep you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean sheep herding jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make counting sheep pranks.
So there's this blonde...
and she's sick and tired of being stereotyped as the dumb blonde, so she decides to dye her hair and move to another city. After she died her hair brown, she packs up her things and leaves for the new city. Driving down a barren country road on the way there, she starts to get really hungry. With no restaurants in sight, she pulls in to the only home as far as the eye can see, a sheep farm. Thinking a sheep would make a tasty meal, she walks up to the house where the farmer is sitting on the front porch and asks him if she can guess how many sheep there are if she can have one. The farmer agrees. The woman has a knack for counting and adds up all the sheep really quickly and says "72". The farmer says "whelp, that's right, go grab your sheep and leave." The woman picks up her choice and starts walking back to her car, but before she gets in the farmer shouts after her "If I can guess your real hair color, can I have my dog back?"
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So a Scottish man is talking to his angry girlfriend....
She goes, "How many other girls have you had s**... with?" The Scotsman starts counting in his head, but after the 12th sheep, he falls asleep.
Little known fact: most shepards have NO idea how many sheep are in their flock....
Every time they try to count them.....
Why is it so hard for New Zealanders to fall asleep?
They're too turned on from counting sheep.
my doctor told me to count sheep
I was having trouble sleeping so I finally decided to see a doctor. He asked me some questions and then eventually came to a conclusion. "I know this may sound silly, but try counting sheep to help you fall asleep." he said. Well I don't know what this doctor was thinking because I have been up for 37 hours straight and still haven't found a single sheep...
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My friends joke he made up!!
Why can you ask a NewZealander how many s**... partners they have had?
Because he would fall asleep counting all the sheep.
(Btw we are Australian sooo)
A shepherd and his dog
In a sunny day in the fields, there is a shepherd and his dog herding their sheep's.
The shepherd asked his dog to round up the sheep to the fields. The dog went out and started herding the sheep's to the field.
After a while the dog returned and told the shepherd that he already rounded up 20 sheep's on the field. The shepherd was a bit confused because he did not have that many sheep's so he head out to the fields and counted his sheep. The shepherd counted 15 sheep's and wondered why his dog said 20.
He approached his dog and asked "there is only 15 sheep's in the field. Why did you say there were 20?"
The dog turns toward the shepherd and said "i know, but i rounded them up"
A blonde woman dyes her hair red....
A blonde woman dyes her hair red because she's tired of the blonde jokes. One day she stops by a farm and asks the farmer, "If I can count how many sheep you have, can I keep one?" The farmer reluctantly agrees. After some counting, the blonde woman says, "there is 124 sheep in your farm." Shocked, the farmer counts them. Sure enough, there are 124 sheep. The woman picks one up and takes it to her car. Right when she's about to leave, the farmer knocks on her window and asks,"Ma'am, if I can guess your real hair color, can I have my dog back?"
I was fired from my old job for constantly falling asleep...
counting sheep on the farm was really tiring.
Why don't Welsh men count sheep to fall asleep?
Because then they would have to change the sheets.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The best way to fall asleep is not by counting sheep....
It is to place a nice juicy steak beside your bed, call over a Vegan to let the whacko start talking about why meat is bad and why you should become a Vegan too
A sheep walks into a bar..
Bartender says "Sorry man, I can't serve you here."
Sheep says, "Relax, I'm the black sheep of the family.Check this out, I brought a fuckload of other sheep with me.
The bartender starts counting sheep. Falls asleep.
Sheep drink for free.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Honey, remember how when we started dating you told me you were an insomniac and I told you I only had five s**... partners?
Neither of us were counting sheep.
What garuntees a New Zealand male to have morning wood?
Counting sheep before going to sleep
Counting sheep
Bill: Gosh, you look really tired today.
Phill :I am. I didn't sleep at all last night.
Bill: I'm sorry. Too much caffeine?
Phill I don't know what it was. I just kept tossing and turning.
Bill : Did you try counting sheep?
Phill: I did. But you know how it is. By the time you get up, drive all the way to the farm and then drive back, you're wide awake again
Hush, Little Actuary!
An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor.
Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night, he says.
Have you tried counting sheep? asks the doctor.
That's the problem. I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it.
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson was taking the train
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson was taking the train one day when they passed a huge flock of sheep in a field. As quickly as they had observed the fluffy cloud it had passed out of view.
"So many sheep!" Watson exclaimed. "I wonder how many there were?"
"Elementary, Dear Watson. There were 167 sheep." Sherlock calmly stated.
"Holmes, are you really telling me you managed to count them all in that brief moment?" Watson inquired.
"Don't be silly, Watson. I counted the legs and divided by four."
I was fired from an Apple Store because of sleeping on the job.
It's not my fault there are so many sheep to count.
Train passes a flock of sheep
Passenger says to his friend, wonder how many sheep there are.
His friend takes a quick gander, shrugs, and remarks, Looks like 82.
What? How do you know that??
Easy. I counted their legs and divided by 4.
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were taking the train one day when they passed a huge flock of sheep in a field.
As quickly as they had observed the fluffy cloud it had passed out of view.
"So many sheep!" Watson exclaimed. "I wonder how many there were?"
"Elementary, Dear Watson. There were 167 sheep." Sherlock calmly stated.
"Holmes, are you really telling me you managed to count them all in that brief moment?" Watson inquired.
"Don't be silly, Watson. I counted the legs and divided them by four."
