Counting Sheep Jokes
61 counting sheep jokes and hilarious counting sheep puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about counting sheep that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Counting Sheep Short Jokes
Short counting sheep jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The counting sheep humour may include short flock of sheep jokes also.
- A boxer was having trouble sleeping. He goes to the doctor.
Doctor asks "Have you tried counting sheep?
Boxer replies "I have but every time I get to the count of eight, I stand up. - I have adhd and have troubles getting to sleep. Doctor recommended counting sheep... 1 sheep. 2 sheep. 3 sheep. Cow. Duck. Horse. *Old MacDonald had a farm* and bingo was his name-o!
- When I lay down to go to sleep, I watch Hillary Clinton rallies It is much more convenient than counting sheep individually.
- I count women who I slept with when I try to sleep. \- Why not sheep?
\- I only had one sheep. - A farmer and his dog are herding sheep. They finish and his dog says "I have counted 40 sheep".
The farmer replies, "That's odd. I only got 37 ".
The dog replies "Well, I rounded them up". - I was lying in bed last night, counting sheep, when I thought to myself: 'I could have sworn I shut the barn door...'
- Dog and sheep Shepherd: did you count all the sheep.
Dog: yes there are 40 sheep.
Shepherd: 40? I thought we had 38 sheep.
Dog: yes I rounded them up. - Why does DJ Khaled have sleeping issues? Because everytime he tries to count sheeps before falling asleep, he always goes like : "Another one, another one, another one..."
- I used to be a Shepherd, but I have no idea how many sheep I had. Kept falling asleep trying to count them.
- The Sheepdog counter 40 sheep, the shepherd counted only 37 That's because the sheepdog rounded them up
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Counting Sheep One Liners
Which counting sheep one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with counting sheep? I can suggest the ones about sheep ewe and shepherd and sheep.
- How does a blonde count a thousand sheep? She counts the legs, and divides by 4.
- What do you call an insomniac vampire? Count Sheep.
- Why did the shepherd sleep on the job? Because he was busy counting sheep.
- The shepherd counted 98 sheep...
- Why did the sheep all fall asleep before bed time? They tried to do a head count.
- Who counts more sheep than mattress companies? Apple Inc.
- How does a Democrat fall asleep? They count themselves. #sheep.
- Why do Welsh people have so many wet dreams? They get to sleep by counting sheep.
- Why did the restless Scottish man have a w**...? Because he was counting sheep!
The Funniest Counting Sheep Jokes for a Bone-Shaking Laugh
What funny jokes about counting sheep you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean sheep herding jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make counting sheep pranks.
The Sheepdog and the Farmer
A farmer is wondering how many sheep he has in his field, so he asks his sheepdog to count them.
The dog runs into the field, counts them, and then runs back to his master.
"So," says the farmer. "How many sheep were there?"
"40," replies the dog.
"What? How can there be 40?!" exclaims the farmer. "I only bought 38!"
"I know," says the dog. "But I rounded them up."
So a Scottish man is talking to his angry girlfriend....
She goes, "How many other girls have you had s**... with?" The Scotsman starts counting in his head, but after the 12th sheep, he falls asleep.
Sheep
A Welshman was asked how many s**... conquests he had.
He began counting them................and fell asleep.
Little known fact: most shepards have NO idea how many sheep are in their flock....
Every time they try to count them.....
I once asked a Welshman how many s**... partners he had had in his life but never got an answer.
He kept falling asleep whilst counting sheep.
A sheep walks into a bar joke
A sheep walks into a bar. Lots more sheep follow, the barman counts them and falls asleep, the sheep help themselves to free drinks. Genius.
Why is it so hard for New Zealanders to fall asleep?
They're too turned on from counting sheep.
my doctor told me to count sheep
I was having trouble sleeping so I finally decided to see a doctor. He asked me some questions and then eventually came to a conclusion. "I know this may sound silly, but try counting sheep to help you fall asleep." he said. Well I don't know what this doctor was thinking because I have been up for 37 hours straight and still haven't found a single sheep...
My friends joke he made up!!
Why can you ask a NewZealander how many s**... partners they have had?
Because he would fall asleep counting all the sheep.
(Btw we are Australian sooo)
A farmer wanted to know how many sheep he had...
So he asked his border collie to count them from him.
The dog ran off counted the sheep and ran back to the farmer.
"So how many sheep do I have?" Asked the farmer.
"40" said the border collie.
"How can there be 40?" Asked the farmer. "I only bought 38."
The dog replies, "I rounded them up."
A farmer had a sheepdog...
The farmer sent his sheepdog to go and round up all of the sheep into the pen. The sheepdog did this and then came back to the farmer and said, "I've collected all 40 of the sheep into the pen". The farmer goes and checks just to make sure but he only counts 36 sheep. He asks his sheepdog about this and the sheepdog says, "Well, you asked me to round them up!"
A blonde woman dyes her hair red....
A blonde woman dyes her hair red because she's tired of the blonde jokes. One day she stops by a farm and asks the farmer, "If I can count how many sheep you have, can I keep one?" The farmer reluctantly agrees. After some counting, the blonde woman says, "there is 124 sheep in your farm." Shocked, the farmer counts them. Sure enough, there are 124 sheep. The woman picks one up and takes it to her car. Right when she's about to leave, the farmer knocks on her window and asks,"Ma'am, if I can guess your real hair color, can I have my dog back?"
A sheep dog herds his sheep...
The farmer asks the dog, "Are my sheep ready?"
The dog answers, "Yes, all 30 of them!"
"Wait...I only counted 26," replies the farmer.
The dog tells the farmer, "Yeah, that's because I rounded them up!"
I was fired from my old job for constantly falling asleep...
counting sheep on the farm was really tiring.
A farmer is wondering how many sheep he has in his field so he asks his sheep dog to count them.
The dog runs into the field, counts them, and then runs backto his master.
"So," says the farmer. "How many sheep were there?"
"40," replies the dog.
"What? How can there be 40?!" exclaims the farmer. "I only bought 38!"
"I know," says the dog. "I rounded them up."
A shepard asks his dog
To count the sheep on his farm
The dog goes to count the sheep an comes back
The shepard asked how many sheep do i have?
The dog says 40
The shepard thinks " wait a minute i only had 38 how could that be.
The dog said
" i rounded them up"
Why don't Welsh men count sheep to fall asleep?
Because then they would have to change the sheets.
My Grandpa was a retired Boxer.
He had trouble sleeping. He tried counting sheep but everytime he got to 10 he got up.
The best way to fall asleep is not by counting sheep....
It is to place a nice juicy steak beside your bed, call over a Vegan to let the whacko start talking about why meat is bad and why you should become a Vegan too
A sheep walks into a bar..
Bartender says "Sorry man, I can't serve you here."
Sheep says, "Relax, I'm the black sheep of the family.Check this out, I brought a fuckload of other sheep with me.
The bartender starts counting sheep. Falls asleep.
Sheep drink for free.
Honey, remember how when we started dating you told me you were an insomniac and I told you I only had five s**... partners?
Neither of us were counting sheep.
Counting sheep
Bill: Gosh, you look really tired today.
Phill :I am. I didn't sleep at all last night.
Bill: I'm sorry. Too much caffeine?
Phill I don't know what it was. I just kept tossing and turning.
Bill : Did you try counting sheep?
Phill: I did. But you know how it is. By the time you get up, drive all the way to the farm and then drive back, you're wide awake again
Herding sheep.
A sheep herder is watching his dog herd all their sheep into a pen. The dog finishes and says "Master, I've got all 30 sheep in the pen". The man looks at the sheep, then back to the dog and says "but I only count 26". The dog says "I know, I rounded them up".
Hush, Little Actuary!
An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor.
Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night, he says.
Have you tried counting sheep? asks the doctor.
That's the problem. I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it.
A farmer sends his dog out to count his sheep.
When the dog returns, it says, "Woof! You've got fifty sheep out there!"
"Fifty?" said the farmer. "I thought there were only forty-eight."
"Yes, that's right," said the dog. "First I counted them, and then I rounded them up!"
A farmer wants to know...
A farmer wants to know how many sheep he has in his field, so he asks his border collie to count them. The dog runs into the field, counts them and runs back to the farmer. The farmer says, "How many?" The dog says, "40." The farmer is surprised and says, "How can there be 40 - I only bought 38!" The dog says, "I rounded them up."
I was fired from an Apple Store because of sleeping on the job.
It's not my fault there are so many sheep to count.
A shepherd tells his dog to go count the sheep...
So the dog goes out, comes back a little later. Shepherd says: How many sheep you count out there?
Dog says: 40 .
Shepherd says: That's not possible, I only had 38 to begin with! .
And the dog goes: Yeah but I rounded them up .
Why did the farmer never know how many sheep he had?
Because every time he tried to count them all he fell asleep.
A shepherd owned a remarkable dog, deft at sheep herding and able to speak.
At the end of the day, after his dog had herded the flock into the pen, the shepherd asked his canine friend to confirm how many sheep were in.
"40," the dog barked.
"40? I counted 37."
"Yes," replied the dog, "I rounded them up."
ADHD & Sleep Problems. Funny That You Asked!!
I have ADHD and have troubles getting to sleep. Doctor recommended counting sheep...
1 sheep. 2 sheep. 3 sheep. Cow. Duck. Horse. \*Old MacDonald had a farm\* and bingo was his name-o!
Train passes a flock of sheep
Passenger says to his friend, wonder how many sheep there are.
His friend takes a quick gander, shrugs, and remarks, Looks like 82.
What? How do you know that??
Easy. I counted their legs and divided by 4.
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were taking the train one day when they passed a huge flock of sheep in a field.
As quickly as they had observed the fluffy cloud it had passed out of view.
"So many sheep!" Watson exclaimed. "I wonder how many there were?"
"Elementary, Dear Watson. There were 167 sheep." Sherlock calmly stated.
"Holmes, are you really telling me you managed to count them all in that brief moment?" Watson inquired.
"Don't be silly, Watson. I counted the legs and divided them by four."
A farmer and his dog are in a field counting sheep.
'I count 47 sheep', says the farmer.
'I count 50 sheep', says the dog.
'How on earth did you count an extra three sheep?!'
'You told me to round them up!'
