Counsellor Jokes

Following is our collection of lifestyle puns and intimacy one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Counsellor jokes for adults, dirty mutual jokes and clean aide dad gags for kids.

The Best Counsellor Puns

I took my Wife to a marriage counsellor

She said she was sick of my Star Wars jokes.
I told the counsellor
Divorce is strong with this one.

Why was Obi Wan Kenobi fired from his job as a marriage guidance counsellor?

He kept telling people to "use divorce"

The school counsellor told me that alcohol was never a solution.

I said that my chemistry teacher would disagree.

My wife and I went to see a marriage counsellor.

The woman said, "How many times a week do the two of you have sex?"

My wife said, "One or two."

Things got awkward when I said, "Five or six."

My counsellor told me I have a problem with vengeance.

We'll see about that.


Me and my flat chested wife went to see a marriage counsellor today.

The counsellor asked us; "What seems to be the problem?" "Well," I said, "Dolly Parton here thinks I'm too sarcastic."

The marriage counsellor asked me and my wife: "Describe your sex life in three words."

I said, "Depends who with..."

My counsellor told me I needed to get in touch with my inner self.

So I've switched to single ply toilet paper.

A necromancer and a funeral director are at marriage counselling.

Counsellor: So, why are you guys here today?

Funeral Director: He only wants me for my bodies!

A gay student complained to his counsellor about bullying

He said he was sick of the other kids taking his brunch money.

What did Demi Lovato's counsellor tell her in rehab?

If you take that, I think you'll have a heart attack.


John and Jane go to see a marriage counsellor.

The counsellor says, "So, you two are married, correct?"

"Correct," they reply.

"And you are having regular sex?" asks the counsellor.

"Absolutely," they reply,

"So," laughs the counsellor, "What is the problem?"

They say, "Well, our partners don't really approve."

So a husband and wife go to marriage counseling.

The counsellor says, "We should begin with something you both have in common."

So the man says, "Well, we both hate giving blow jobs."

Counsellor at a 'plastic surgery addicts' support group...

Welcome, I'm seeing a lot of new faces in the crowd this week, and I must say, I'm disappointed....

My guidance counsellor asked what I'd like to do for a living...

I told them I could really see myself cleaning mirrors for a living.

Career counsellor: "Why did you flop during the interview at Houston Space Centre?" Billy: "I failed the countdown bit." "What did you say?"

"Countdown 1...2...3...4...

Mickey and Minnie Mouse go to see a marriage counsellor.

My grief counsellor died recently,

I was fine with that.

Our marriage counsellor is starting to side with my wife

He just agreed to let her into the room with us


There is an abundance of relationships jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 19 funniest jokes and counsellor puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any assistant witze you can hear about counsellor.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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