Counseling Jokes
30 counseling jokes and hilarious counseling puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about counseling that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This collection of jokes are perfect for those in the counseling profession. Laugh out loud with marriage counseling jokes, school counseling puns, and other lighthearted gags from the world of counseling psychology. Learn how to lighten up the mood during premarital guidance sessions, or have a chuckle while offering advice.
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Funniest Counseling Short Jokes
Short counseling jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The counseling humour may include short counselor jokes also.
- What did the therapist counsel the jar of jam to do? "if you'd only open up, people would realize how sweet you were."
- I married a ghost but we're in couples counseling now... He can just be so possessive sometimes, ya know?
- A Puerto Rican meteorologist sought counseling. When asked "why?" he replied, "Tropical Depression."
- Was giving a door counselling. We didn't get anywhere at first but he soon opened up to me.
- Parapsychologists I just want to take this moment to give a shout out to parapsychologists, the only folks brave enough to jump out of airplanes to provide emergency counseling.
- What is marriage counseling? You just pay someone 300$ an hour to watch you and your wife fight
- Ask a counseling student how to reduce stress, they'll discuss mindfulness, work-life balance, etc. Ask an engineering student, they'll ask back, "Normal or Shear?"
- We're throwing my dad a surprise party... ...to celebrate his last PTSD counselling session.
- A zombie and a ghost go for marriage counselling And are asked to share their honest feelings
The Zombie "Sometimes I feel like you're not even here!"
The Ghost "Whatever, you're dead to me" - Life is like a box of chocolates It starts sweet and ends up with you on the toliet giving yourself counselling.
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Counseling One Liners
Which counseling one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with counseling? I can suggest the ones about guidance and marriage counselor.
- Why did the Mexican food go to counseling? It wanted to taco bout his feelings
- A typical Single-cells' marriage counseling Same old story we've grown apart, says one
- Why was the button in counseling? Because it was depressed.
- If at first you don't succeed, blame someone else and seek counseling.
- jeecup up polytechnic seat allotment counselling 2015 out
- Marriage counselling sydney
- I went to an h**... counseling meeting... ... They are a very positive group.
- Why did the s**... ask for career counseling? He wanted to get into a good field.
Marriage Counseling Jokes
Here is a list of funny marriage counseling jokes and even better marriage counseling puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A blackjack dealer left his wife behind at their marriage counseling appointment... he just couldn't deal with it anymore
Counseling Psychology Jokes
Here is a list of funny counseling psychology jokes and even better counseling psychology puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why did the egg go to psychological counseling? Because it was suffering from shell shock.
Charming Humor Counseling Jokes with Loads of Fun
What funny jokes about counseling you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean supervision jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make counseling pranks.
The secret to a long life
A tough old cowboy from Texas counseled his granddaughter that if she wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gun powder on her oatmeal every morning.
The granddaughter did this religiously until the age of 103, when she died.
She left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 45 great-grandchildren, 25 great-great-grandchildren, and a 40-foot hole where the crematorium used to be.
I translated a German joke and hope it's still funny
A man is treated by a psychiatrist because he thinks that he is a mouse. After some weeks of psychiatric counseling he is finally healed and has learned, that he isn't a mouse.
As the man in walks out of the psychiatrists office he sees a cat on the street and runs back to the psychiatrist and screams: "I'm scared! There's a cat on the street!"
The psychiatrist replies "I thought you know now, that you are not a mouse."
The man answers "Yes, I know that, but does the cat know this too?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man in rural Arkansas is brought before a judge for his prelimnary hearing.
"What is the charge, counsel?" The judge asks.
"Bigotry, your honor," the prosecutor replies. "This man has three wives."
"You idiot," the judge says. "That ain't bigotry, it's trigonometry."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman goes to s**...-counselling
Woman: "Doctor, My partner and I have been in a relationship for some time now, but recently he's been thinking about children."
Doctor: "That's a natural thing to do for both men and women when they are in a serious relationship, what exactly is the problem?"
Woman: "He's doing it during s**...."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Finally decided to get some counseling on s**... assault.
Turns out, it's only for the victims.
A husband visited marriage counselled
and said: "When we were first married, | would
come home from the office, my wife would bring
my slippers and our cute little dog would run
around barking.
Now after ten years it's different. | come home,
the dog brings the slippers and my wife runs
around barking."
Said the counsellor: "Why complain. You are still
getting the same service.
In the corporate world they call it,
*Job Rotation*
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A necromancer and a f**... director are at marriage counselling.
Counsellor: So, why are you guys here today?
f**... Director: He only wants me for my bodies!
Married in the arctic circle
After 30 years of unfulfilling matrimony a crotchety old Alaskan couple finally decide to seek marriage counseling.
Upon the first meeting with their therapist they both sit down awkwardly on the couch, and pull back their Anorak hoods only to realize that they've been married to the WRONG person for the past 30 years.
The wife sighs, looks at the doctor and exclaims "It's like I've been trying to tell him doctor, I'm just not that Inuit."
After 30 years of marriage...
After 30 years of marriage a husband and wife came for counseling. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married. On and on she went: Neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, and entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured.
Finally, after allowing this for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking the wife to stand, he embraced and kissed her long and passionately as her husband watched - with a raised eyebrow.
The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze.
The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least 3 times a week. Can you do this?
"Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish."
Return on investment
An investment banker decides she needs in-house counsel, so she interviews a young lawyer. Mr. Peterson, she begins, would you say you're honest?
Honest? replies the lawyer. Let me tell you something about honesty: My father lent me $85,000 for my education, and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my first case.
Impressive, says the banker. And what sort of case was that?
My father sued me for the money.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There were seven dwarves in a bath feeling happy
Happy needed years of intensive therapy and counselling before eventually committing s**...
