Council Jokes

Following is our collection of unite puns and coalition one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Council jokes for adults, dirty international jokes and clean nato dad gags for kids.

The Best Council Puns

Why does Yoda have the best seat on the Jedi Council?

He gets a seat next to a Windu.

Once I was walking along the Golden Gate Bridge

Once I was walking along the Golden Gate Bridge and I saw this guy about to jump.

I said, "Don't jump."

He said, "Nobody loves me."

I said, "God loves you. Are you a Christian or a Jew?"

He said, "A Christian."

I said, "Me too! Protestant or Catholic?"

He said, "Protestant."

I said, "Me too! What denomination?"

He said, "Baptist."

I said, "Me too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?"

He said, "Northern Baptist."

I said, "Me too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?"

He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist."

I said, "Me too! Northern Conservative Baptist, Great Lakes Conference, or Northern Conservative Baptist, Eastern Conference?"

He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist, Great Lakes Conference."

I said, "Me too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Conference, Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Conference, Council of 1912."

He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Conference, Council of 1912."

I said, "Die, heretic!" And I pushed him off.

--Emo Philips

What do you call a council of Emo's?

A cutting board.

A lawyer is about to go home for the night...

...when a client shows up, asking for his council. The lawyer decides to stay late and work with the client. Afterwards, the client asks how much he owes for the lawyer's time.
"One hundred dollars," the lawyer responds.

The client pays him and walks out, at which point the lawyer realizes it's two hundred dollar bills stuck together. This leaves the lawyer with a moral dilemma...

Does he tell his partner?

Yoda is telling a joke to the Jedi Council...

"Why was six afraid of seven?" he asks. Everyone remains silent, and he says: "Because nine seven eight!"


Wanna hear something funny?

China is a member of UN human right council

On earth: A magician puts his hand in his hat.

In the rabbit realm: The Hand emerges. It is time. The rabit council must choose another sacrifice.

Retraction

The following headline appeared in the daily newspaper and threw the city hall into an uproar: "Half the city council are crooks."

A retraction in full was demanded of the editor under the threat of a libel suit. Next afternoon, the headline read, "Half the city council aren't crooks."

Saudi Arabia...

...is on the United Nations Human Rights Council.

City council wanted to demolish the local clown museum.

They couldn't because it's a hysterical landmark.

The National Shredded Cheese Council just endorsed Donald Trump for president...

They're ready to make America grate again.


Our local council said they are going to get all the coins out of the wishing well and put them into a balloon.

Talk about getting everyone's hopes up.

What is the gender of the small council in westeros

Mostly male, but occasionally it Varys

Did you hear what the Jedi council said about Mustafar?

They called it a Sith hole.

I don't think any other job sees as many erections as mine...

I work with planning permission at the council.

P.S. I made this one, kinda funny I suppose

After Israel threatened to take the Security Council vote as an act of war, the New Zealand Ambassador called Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu....

...Picking up the phone, he spoke "Hebrew."

My local council just installed a zebra crossing near the primary school

What a waste of money, I've never even seen a zebra in this town

The council have started asking people what they think of their plans to build a wind turbine off the local coastline.

I'm not a big fan.

Have you guys heard the one about the National Security Council (NSC) Bill in Malaysia?

[arrested]


Flying carpet

So I was walking by a council flat the other day when I saw this Arab guy shaking a carpet.


I shouted up, "what's wrong Aladdin, won't it start?."

In alternate universe, Robert De Niro was a special council assigned to investigate the election. Once his report was done,

he released the report at least 3 times, at least 3 times, at least 3 times.

When the school council asked for a new representative they did no like my idea for a king sized bed

I guess I'm not good at picking out mass cots

The council of Earth quickly came to regret putting a gastroenterologist in charge of conquering new planets..

All he wanted to do was colonize Uranus.

A council was tasked to assign a town song to Chernobyl

After a long debate and several people explaining why it's a terrible idea, they finally decided on the song Radioactive

What do Scientologists call a meeting of their top members?

The Council of L. Ron

The European Union has decided to vote against laser-based weaponry development.

The council has declared they are considering


( β€’_β€’)


( β€’_β€’)>βŒβ– -β– 


ο»Ώ(βŒβ– _β– )


Ray-bans.

How does a Gungan ask the Jedi Council for help?

By requesting reinforcemens.

What's the small box on the back of a satellite dish called?

A council flat.

I've heard today that the council intend to build house on the land where my allotment is.

I'm afraid I will loose the plot

There is an abundance of commission jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 29 funniest jokes and council puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any unanimously witze you can hear about council.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes