Couldnt Jokes
67 couldnt jokes and hilarious couldnt puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about couldnt that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Can't come up with any great jokes? Check out this article for funny "couldn't organise a..." jokes that might help break the ice! With jokes about ropes and browsers, you won't be short of a good one-liner.
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Funniest Couldnt Short Jokes
Short couldnt jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The couldnt humour may include short ropes jokes also.
- This year was the first year I couldnt travel to Europe because of Covid-19. Before this I couldnt because I didnt have money.
- A new cache of pencils chewed by shakespeare have been found The bard apparently chewed them so much, he couldnt tell if they were 2B or not 2B
- Couldnt find it I couldn't find the thingy you use to peel the carrots and potatoes anywhere, so I asked the kids if they had seen it.
Apparently she left me yesterday. - Why couldnt anyone else pull the sword from the stone? They didn't have the arthurization.
- First five days First five days after the weekend are the worst...
Ps. hope it's not a repost, couldnt find it with search function - I went to Hawaii with my dad to get a taste of their traditional culture. They set out two bowls of their famous delicacy. When I couldnt choose which one to grab, my dad said, "Pick your poi, son"
- My wife said i couldnt make a car out of spaghetti... should have seen her face when i drove pasta
- I got a friend who is a demolition expert. One day, I made a bet with him, a dollar that he couldnt raze the whole neighbourhood No matter who wins, its still four quarters gone
- They banned me from the school talent show. But i know they were just salty, because they knew they couldnt make their clothes disappear as well as i did.
- I was robbed by a sorceress Went down to the police station too see a lineup but I couldnt tell which was witch
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Couldnt One Liners
Which couldnt one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with couldnt? I can suggest the ones about unable and rail.
- I asked my North korean friend how it was there He said he couldnt complain
- There was a cross-eyed teacher who got fired Because she couldnt control her pupils.
- Why couldnt the laptop take off his hat? He had caps lock on.
- I smashed up my keyboard and couldnt find the last key I lost Ctrl
- Why couldnt the NSA whistle blower leave russia? He was snowed in
- Why couldnt Waldo go to the gym Because no one would spot him
- What did the handless kid get for Christmas? Idk, he couldnt open it
- Why couldnt Elon Musk lift the box? Its was too falcon heavy
I'm sorry - I saw a guy pickpocket a legless midget I couldnt believe he would stoop so low.
- I tried that game Cuphead but i stopped i just couldnt stand lookin at that ugly mug
- Why couldnt the feminist screw in a lightbulb? Because there was a glass ceiling.
- Why couldnt the laptop see? Cause it was SoDIMM
- Heard the one about the chinese Godfather? He made them an offer they couldnt understand
- Why couldnt the 11 year old enter the pirate movie? ....Because it was rated Argggh
- Why was Simba unable to save his dad in the Lion King? He couldnt Mufasa enough.
Uplifting Couldnt Jokes to have Hilarious Fun with Friends
What funny jokes about couldnt you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean resistor jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make couldnt pranks.
3 spies, a french one, a british one, and an italian one, are captured by al-qaeda...
the terrorists tie each of them up and put the brit and the italian in a locked room. they take the frenchman to a room for 6 hours, torturing information out of him. when they finish with him, they take the brit to the room, who lasts 12 hours. they finally take the italian into the room, but as much as they t**... him, they cant get any information out of him.
the brit and the frenchman ask him how it goes and he says "i couldnt say anything." they ask him why and he says "my hands were tied!"
Why couldnt the egg make it through boot camp?
Cuz he cracks under pressure.
This has been seen before, but this is my favorite version.
I rear- ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.
You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Well, i couldnt believe it... he was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!"
So, I looked down at him and said, " Well, then which one are you?"
And thats how the fight started....
If you were a prisoner going down the stair
You couldnt be more condescending.
You should have seen the guys face when i told him i couldnt get an ambulance.
It was blue.
A friend asked me what it was like to holiday in Cuba.
I couldnt answer, I Havana been there before.
Why couldnt the guy hold a conversation with the female transgender marine biologist?
They didn't agree on a lot of things, but a big part of it was he didn't speak whale.
Note: In my defense I don't discriminate except by how I know a person. I have friends on all sides of the NFL hype, s**... rights hype, and abortion debate. But this joke gets laughs among them all.
What do Harvey Weinstein and Kevin Spacey have in common?
The House of Cards they had built in Hollywoodland has now made them The Usual Suspects in Sin City. This was supposed to be LA Confidential but apparently they couldnt find Consenting Adults. The American Beauty of this is that they will now forever be Inglorious b**....
Today I'm thankful that...
EA isnt in charge of Thanksgiving.
I couldnt afford the sense of pride and accomplishment it'd take to get to the pecan pie.
Moe is the worst name for a little brother
It's like they wanted more but just couldnt get it quite right
As l looked up and stared into his eyes, he had a fixed gaze on me
Moving my hands all over l asked "like that daddy?" He said "yes baby thats good". As i finished i couldnt help but smile; I had tied my first shoe
I needed a woman e**... to attend an event but I couldnt find one
So I had my buddy dress up as Iron Man, that way he was Fe male.
A woman kept berating her maid that she was good for nothing all the time
One day the maid couldnt take it anymore .She shouted "Atleast I'm better than you in bed "
The woman was shocked,then she recovered and asked "Did my husband tell you that?"
Maid "No,your driver did "
What did h**... say to his jewish friend schwitz when he couldnt come to his birthday party?
Awww schwitz!
Sign in pharmacy; Preperation H for sale, free delivery.
of course i couldnt resist,I took out my pen and added in ... and installation
A robber needs to get past a security camera...
He thinks about how he could get by. The he had an idea.
He took off all his clothes and walked by.
The camera immeadiately noticed him and he was arrested.
When the cops were asking him why he did the crime one of the cops asked, Why did you take all your clothes off before passing the camera?
The man said, Well after I took off my clothes in front of my girlfriend she said she couldnt see me anymore!
Why couldnt the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack
Five pounds.
A young woman walks towards a fishmongers stall. She approaches him and says
Woman: I nee five pounds o makkel.
Fishmonger: what was that hon? I couldnt understand you.
Woman: makkel. Five pounds.
Fishmonger: I'm sorry I still didnt catch that.
The woman is visibly frustrated and sticks her hands into her pants, pulling her fingers out and under the man's nose.
Fishmonger: HOLY MACKEREL!
Woman: Five pounds.
Origin of Canada
The founding fathers of Canada were trying to figure out what to name the country, but they couldnt decide on a name. They figured to put the letters of the alphabet in a hat and draw them at random.
They pulled the first letter out.
C eh?
Then the next one,
N eh?
One more,
D eh? .
C eh N eh D eh?
Canada
So there was this kid who was lazy and couldnt wake up early..
His mom wanted to teach him a lesson about the benefits of waking up early.
She said: Son, i am going to tell you a little story and then i want you to tell me what did you learn from it ok?
Son: Ok
Mom: imagine two birds. First bird always wakes up early and can find bugs to feed himself and his family. The second bird wakes up late everyday and cant find anything to eat. So what did you learn from this.
Son: i learned that the bugs that wake up early gets eaten by birds
Just recalling the great toilet paper shortage and my Walmart experience.
I couldnt find toilet paper anywhere at Walmart, so I finally found an associate wearing the signature yellow vest, and asked, " Is there toilet paper anywhere in this store?"
She looked me up and down and said, "We've been out of toilet paper for over a week."
Imagine my embarrassment as I waddled back to the restroom with my pants around my ankles.
Why couldnt baby jesus be born in NYC?
Because they couldnt find 3 wise men or a v**...
Why wasn`t Jesus born in Alabama?
They couldn\`t come up with three wise men and a v**....
A man had a rare birth defect where both his eyes were on the side of his head. Despite this he found love, but she soon dumped him.
When asked why she left him she said "he couldnt stop seeing other women on the side"
Why wasnt jesus born in newcastle?
They couldnt find any wise men or a v**...
I threw a 9V Duracell at my wife during an argument
The police arrested me for battery
But they couldnt charge me
A blonde called her car customer service saying she could only drive her car during the day. During the night, it didn't move at all.
A mechanic comes and after an inspection couldnt find anything wrong.
"You sure you put the right fuel?"
"Yup. Petrol"
Eventually, he asks her if shes using the right gears.
She says, "Of course, I'm not s**.... I'm using D during the day and N during the night"
