The Best 60 Couldnt Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Couldnt jokes. There are some couldnt jugs jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these couldnt youd puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Couldnt Jokes and Puns

3 spies, a french one, a british one, and an italian one, are captured by al-qaeda...

the terrorists tie each of them up and put the brit and the italian in a locked room. they take the frenchman to a room for 6 hours, torturing information out of him. when they finish with him, they take the brit to the room, who lasts 12 hours. they finally take the italian into the room, but as much as they torture him, they cant get any information out of him.

the brit and the frenchman ask him how it goes and he says "i couldnt say anything." they ask him why and he says "my hands were tied!"

Why couldnt the egg make it through boot camp?

Cuz he cracks under pressure.

Why couldnt the NSA whistle blower leave russia?

He was snowed in

Couldnt joke, Why couldnt the NSA whistle blower leave russia?

Dial-up internet called.

They couldnt get through.

This has been seen before, but this is my favorite version.

I rear- ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.

You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Well, i couldnt believe it... he was a DWARF!!!

He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!"

So, I looked down at him and said, " Well, then which one are you?"

And thats how the fight started....

Why couldnt the crunchy peanut butter meet any women?

Because he wasn't smooth.

If you were a prisoner going down the stair

You couldnt be more condescending.

Couldnt joke, If you were a prisoner going down the stair

Why couldnt the laptop see?

Cause it was SoDIMM

Had to Return the Sensitive Toothpaste I bought yesterday...

It couldnt take a joke!

You should have seen the guys face when i told him i couldnt get an ambulance.

It was blue.

why couldnt the pterodactyl learn the alphabet?

Because it wasnt invented yet.

Kill me for this anitjoke

You can explore couldnt browsers reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean couldnt unable dad jokes. There are also couldnt puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Why couldnt you trust Castros wife?

Because at one point, she was infidel.

Ok ill leave now

Why was Simba unable to save his dad in the Lion King?

He couldnt Mufasa enough.

My wife said i couldnt make a car out of spaghetti...

should have seen her face when i drove pasta

Why couldnt the feminist screw in a lightbulb?

Because there was a glass ceiling.

I couldnt make reservations at this swenky new library

They were fully booked.

Couldnt joke, I couldnt make reservations at this swenky new library

Why couldnt the laptop take off his hat?

He had caps lock on.

There was a cross-eyed teacher who got fired

Because she couldnt control her pupils.

A friend asked me what it was like to holiday in Cuba.

I couldnt answer, I Havana been there before.

Why couldnt the guy hold a conversation with the female transgender marine biologist?

They didn't agree on a lot of things, but a big part of it was he didn't speak whale.

Note: In my defense I don't discriminate except by how I know a person. I have friends on all sides of the NFL hype, sexual rights hype, and abortion debate. But this joke gets laughs among them all.

What do Harvey Weinstein and Kevin Spacey have in common?

The House of Cards they had built in Hollywoodland has now made them The Usual Suspects in Sin City. This was supposed to be LA Confidential but apparently they couldnt find Consenting Adults. The American Beauty of this is that they will now forever be Inglorious Basterds.

I asked my North Korean friend how it was there

He said he couldnt complain

Today I'm thankful that...

EA isnt in charge of Thanksgiving.

I couldnt afford the sense of pride and accomplishment it'd take to get to the pecan pie.

Moe is the worst name for a little brother

It's like they wanted more but just couldnt get it quite right

As l looked up and stared into his eyes, he had a fixed gaze on me

Moving my hands all over l asked "like that daddy?" He said "yes baby thats good". As i finished i couldnt help but smile; I had tied my first shoe

Why was the hill destined to work as a burger flipper?

He couldnt get his grade past 40%

I needed a woman escort to attend an event but I couldnt find one

So I had my buddy dress up as Iron Man, that way he was Fe male.

A woman kept berating her maid that she was good for nothing all the time

One day the maid couldnt take it anymore .She shouted "Atleast I'm better than you in bed "

The woman was shocked,then she recovered and asked "Did my husband tell you that?"

Maid "No,your driver did "

What did the handless kid get for Christmas?

Idk, he couldnt open it

A new cache of pencils chewed by Shakespeare have been found

The bard apparently chewed them so much, he couldnt tell if they were 2B or not 2B

I was never any good at breakdancing

I just couldnt spin my head around it

Why couldnt the 11 year old enter the pirate movie?

....Because it was rated Argggh

What did Hitler say to his jewish friend schwitz when he couldnt come to his birthday party?

Awww schwitz!

I tried that game Cuphead but i stopped

i just couldnt stand lookin at that ugly mug

Couldnt find it

I couldn't find the thingy you use to peel the carrots and potatoes anywhere, so I asked the kids if they had seen it.

Apparently she left me yesterday.

Sign in pharmacy; Preperation H for sale, free delivery.

of course i couldnt resist,I took out my pen and added in ... and installation

Why couldnt Iron Man take off his suit?

Because he's Tony Stuck.

A robber needs to get past a security camera...

He thinks about how he could get by. The he had an idea.

He took off all his clothes and walked by.

The camera immeadiately noticed him and he was arrested.

When the cops were asking him why he did the crime one of the cops asked, Why did you take all your clothes off before passing the camera?

The man said, Well after I took off my clothes in front of my girlfriend she said she couldnt see me anymore!

I saw a guy pickpocket a legless midget

I couldnt believe he would stoop so low.

Why couldnt Sally swing?

She had no arms

Why did Billy drop his icecream?

He got hit by a bus

I build a new high end tower and made sure to include windows.

It would be a waste if you couldnt enjoy the view from up there.

I can see why mary and joseph couldnt find a hotel to stay at

Usually Christmas gets places really busy

I threw a party for my babysitter...

but she couldnt come.

My Dad really needs to stop setting such a high bar all the time.

I had a granny that we couldnt decide whether to bury or cremate

In the end we decided to just let her live.

They said i couldnt bring outside snacks into the theater...

But I've got a few twix up my sleeve!

Why couldnt anyone else pull the sword from the stone?

They didn't have the arthurization.

I smashed up my keyboard and couldnt find the last key

I lost Ctrl

Why couldnt Elon Musk lift the box?

Its was too falcon heavy

I'm sorry

They banned me from the school talent show.

But i know they were just salty, because they knew they couldnt make their clothes disappear as well as i did.

Why did the conductor make a terrible train pun?

Because he couldnt resist

Why couldnt the toilet paper cross the road?

Because it got stuck in a crack

This year was the first year I couldnt travel to Europe because of Covid-19.

Before this I couldnt because I didnt have money.

Five pounds.

A young woman walks towards a fishmongers stall. She approaches him and says

Woman: I nee five pounds o makkel.

Fishmonger: what was that hon? I couldnt understand you.

Woman: makkel. Five pounds.

Fishmonger: I'm sorry I still didnt catch that.

The woman is visibly frustrated and sticks her hands into her pants, pulling her fingers out and under the man's nose.

Fishmonger: HOLY MACKEREL!

Woman: Five pounds.

Origin of Canada

The founding fathers of Canada were trying to figure out what to name the country, but they couldnt decide on a name. They figured to put the letters of the alphabet in a hat and draw them at random.

They pulled the first letter out.
C eh?
Then the next one,
N eh?
One more,
D eh? .

C eh N eh D eh?


I went to Hawaii with my dad to get a taste of their traditional culture. They set out two bowls of their famous delicacy. When I couldnt choose which one to grab, my dad said,

"Pick your poi, son"

So there was this kid who was lazy and couldnt wake up early..

His mom wanted to teach him a lesson about the benefits of waking up early.

She said: Son, i am going to tell you a little story and then i want you to tell me what did you learn from it ok?

Son: Ok

Mom: imagine two birds. First bird always wakes up early and can find bugs to feed himself and his family. The second bird wakes up late everyday and cant find anything to eat. So what did you learn from this.

Son: i learned that the bugs that wake up early gets eaten by birds

Heard the one about the chinese Godfather?

He made them an offer they couldnt understand

Just recalling the great toilet paper shortage and my Walmart experience.

I couldnt find toilet paper anywhere at Walmart, so I finally found an associate wearing the signature yellow vest, and asked, " Is there toilet paper anywhere in this store?"

She looked me up and down and said, "We've been out of toilet paper for over a week."

Imagine my embarrassment as I waddled back to the restroom with my pants around my ankles.

I got a friend who is a demolition expert. One day, I made a bet with him, a dollar that he couldnt raze the whole neighbourhood

No matter who wins, its still four quarters gone

Why couldnt baby jesus be born in NYC?

Because they couldnt find 3 wise men or a virgin

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the couldnt finaly jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working couldnt rail piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes