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Cough Jokes

134 cough jokes and hilarious cough puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about cough that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Lighten up your day with some funny, punny and witty jokes about coughs and conditions related to coughing, like COVID-19, smokers cough, whooping cough, bronchitis and more. Learn more about the different types of coughs and what they might mean, and get a few tips on how to relieve your cough naturally.

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Popular Cough Short Jokes

Short cough jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The cough humour may include short sneeze jokes also.

  1. I called work this morning and whispered, "Sorry boss, I can't come in today. I have a wee cough." He exclaimed, "You have a wee cough!?" I said, "Really?! Thanks boss, see you next week!"
  2. Girlfriend: Oh no how am I gonna tell dad I'm pregnant? Me: Leave that to me
    *later at dinner*
    Her dad: *coughs* I need water
    Me: Oh no! Grandpa needs water!
  3. I told my boss yesterday I have a wee cough Boss: You have a wee cough?
    Me: Thanks boss! See you next week!
  4. A teenage girl went to visit the doctor for her cough complaint. The doctor examined her with his stethoscope. 'Big breaths' he said. 'Yeah, and I am only thixteen' she replied.
  5. What is the similarity between a cough syrup and an undertaker? They both take away the coffin.
  6. I tried to buy some cough syrup earlier, but apparently you need photographic ID. Anyhow, I solved the problem.
    I bought a huge box of laxatives and took them all - now I'm far too scared to cough.
  7. My dog swallowed my engagement ring last night, but luckily coughed it out when he barked. There was a diamond in the ruff.
  8. An unknown number called me, sneezed and coughed a few times and then hung up. I'm getting tired of all these cold calls.
  9. To all you guys out there People must not cough near you,
    they must cough far away.
    If you hear someone coughing, tell them to...
    Far Cough
  10. A Scotsman phoned his boss: Scotsman: Sorry boss I have a wee cough so I will not be in today.
    Boss: You have a wee cough?
    Scotsman: says OK Boss but I was only going to take today off....

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Cough One Liners

Which cough one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with cough? I can suggest the ones about sniff and huff.

  1. Saw a guy who wears a turban and who was coughing loudly I think he was Sikh
  2. What does Cinderella say when she gets to the ball? *cough* *cough*
  3. Trump is releasing a new book on his COVID-19 experience. Mein Cough
  4. To the guy who coughed on me on the subway...
  5. How do you instantly break up an anti-quarantine rally? Cough.
  6. Doctor: "Is your cough better this morning?" Me: Yes. I've been practicing all night."
  7. What do you call an espresso with a cold? Cough-ee
  8. What do you call a sick Egyptian? Sir Cough-a-gus
  9. Arizona may be a COVID 19 hot spot... ...but at least its a dry cough.
  10. What's the worst thing about a lung transplant? Coughing up someone else's phlegm
  11. Did you hear the one about a pony with a cough? It was a little horse.
  12. Why do cigarettes cost so much? Because smokers keep coughing up money.
  13. What did the ghost say as he coughed up fog? Don't worry guys, it's just miasma!
  14. Whenever my daughter gets a cold she keeps me up. Because she's cough-y
  15. I found a new hobby after 10 years of smoking coughing up black stuff.

Cough Syrup Jokes

Here is a list of funny cough syrup jokes and even better cough syrup puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My girlfriend asked me to get her a cold drink. Apparently cough syrup wasn't what she was after.
  • why did Dracula's mom give him cough syrup? because Dracula was coffin.
  • Why did Dracula's mother give him cough syrup? Because Dracula was coffin.
  • I bought my wife some cough syrup today, For my ears.
  • I've developed an addiction to a particular brand of homeopathic cough syrup. It's ok though, I'm still 99.9999999999999999999999% drug-free!
  • What is a libertarian's favorite cough syrup? Sudafed
  • They developed a new type of cough syrup for Elephants with bad tusks. They call it, Robituskin'.
  • If you are not supposed to a**... cough syrup, Then why does it come with a plastic shot glass?
  • Do you know what's sticky, g**..., tastes bad and starts with the letter c? Cough syrup

Cough Drop Jokes

Here is a list of funny cough drop jokes and even better cough drop puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why did the farmer give the pony a cough drop He was a little hoarse.
  • What kind of cough drops do pigs take? Reeeeeecola
  • What is a Karen's favorite cough drop? Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-cola!
  • What's invisible and smells like cough drops? Koala farts
  • The inventor of Halls Cough Drops died last night. There will be no coffin at his f**....
  • Why does Loki buy cough drops? He doesn't want to get a Thor t**...
  • The man who invented the cough drop passed away last week He decided not to have a coffin at his f**...
Cough joke, The man who invented the cough drop passed away last week

Covid Cough Jokes

Here is a list of funny covid cough jokes and even better covid cough puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Because of Covid, don't let people cough near you.. If they do, ask them to far cough
  • Two swigs of Cillit Bang and I’ve completely forgotten I had a cough and who my parents are.
  • Back in my day, you would cough to cover up a f**.... Now, with COVID-19, you f**... to cover up a cough.
  • Covid changes everything Remember how we used to cough to cover up a f**...? Now we f**... to cover up a cough.
Cough joke, Covid changes everything

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about cough can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of cough puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Laughable Cough Jokes for Instant Grins & Giggles

What funny jokes about cough you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean sigh jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make cough prank.

Courtesy of my youngest child - why didn't Elsa see a doctor for her sore t**... and cough?

Because a cold never bothered her anyway.
My youngest son thought of this all by himself...he's a 38-year-old lawyer in Nebraska.

You're coughing all the time and it's hard for you to breath, what happend?

It's a lung story

*Cough*

I have a friend who died from one of those. It was under his neighbor's wife's bed.

A mother of a boy walks into the school nurse's office to pick up her son...

She sees her son standing nervously off to one side of the office. His mother walks over to the nurse's desk to sign him out of school. She queries the nurse:
"What was he complaining of? He seems fine!"
The nurse responds: "He had a terrible cough when he came in."
The mother, suspecting her son is faking it, asks the nurse: "Well, what did you give him to make him so much better all of a sudden?"
"I gave him a laxative," replied the nurse.
"A laxative?!" the mother exclaims.
"Yep. Look at him; he's afraid to cough."

Cough Medicine

The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against wall. The owner asks the clerk, "What's with that guy over there by the wall?"
The clerk says, "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative."
The owner says, "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with laxatives!"
The clerk says, "Oh yeah? Look at him, he's afraid to cough!"

c**... advice

The pharmacist walks into the store to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall.
He asks the clerk:
"What's with that guy over there by the wall?"
The clerk responds: "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him a bottle of laxative."
The pharmacist said:
"You can't treat a cough with a laxative!"
The clerk responded, "Of course you can! Look at him, he's afraid to cough!

Petting Zoo

A woman at a petting zoo bent down to pet a pony. She began to cough violently. A man came over to her an asked her to leave. She said,"What? It's no big deal! I'm just feeling a little hoarse!"

What do you call a pony with a cough?

A little hoarse!!!

What's the worst part about getting a lung transplant?

The first couple of times you cough, the loogeys aren't yours!

Why did the pervert cough when he was caught molesting a pony?

He was feeling a little horse.

A pharmacist walked into his shop....

.... to find a man leaning against the wall.
"What's wrong with him?", he asked his assistant.
"He came in for cough syrup, but I couldn't find any
so I gave him an entire box of laxatives."
"You idiot" said the chemist, "You can't treat a cough with laxatives."
"Of course you can" the assistant replied,
"Look at him........he daren't cough now!!"

What do sick composers drink?

Tchai *cough* Tea

A Pharmacist goes out for lunch

A pharmacist goes out for lunch and leaves his assistant to tend the customers. An hour passes and he returns and sees a man sitting awkwardly. He asks his assistant about the man and his assistant told him the man came in with a bad cough and that he had given him a powerful laxative. The pharmacist yelled "laxatives aren't for coughs!" The assistant replied, oh yea? He hasn't coughed anymore, He's scared to.

Two Australian Cops

What do you call a reconnaissance mission carried out by two Australian cops?
An Outback Stakeout!!!
*awkward cough*

What do you get when you cross a vulture with a machine gun?

As far away as possible.
*cough* shameful *cough*

Hamlet gets a cough

So, hamlet is admitted to a hospital for a cough.
He asks the doctors: "TB or not TB"

"So, how was your week off ill?", asked the co-worker to his Scottish counterpart.

"Aye, was okay lad, but it was only a wee cough".

The English language is bizzare

There was a young girl from Slough
Who choked on a piece of raw dough
But the time she was through
With hiccup and cough
She woke everyone in the borough

People who cough loudly don't go to the doctor...

They go to the cinemas.

A man walking in the street sees a coffin bouncing toward him

Terrified, he runs away, between cars, through front yards, nothing works
Finally, he runs into a pharmacy, and out of desperation throws a bottle of cough syrup at it
Only then does the coffin' stop

A guy walks into a drugstore and sees a guy leaning heavily against the wall

He asks the clerk, 'What's with that guy?'
Clerk says, 'He came in with a bad cough and asked me for cough medicine. We were out of cough medicine, so I gave him a whole bottle of laxative instead.'
The guy says, 'What?! You can't treat a cough with laxative!'
The clerk replies, 'Of course you can! Look at him. He's afraid to cough!'

The functions were throwing a party

Sinus, cosinus and tangens were dancing like crazy. Only e^x was all alone in the corner of the room, so sinus walked to it and asked "Hey, exponential! How are you doing? Why don't you try to integrate yourself?" "I'm trying!!! But nothing happens..."
ha. ah. ah. \*cough\* _i'm a nerd :'(_

"Doctor, I'm feeling sick"

"Well then, let's find out what you have. Would you cough once please?". The patient coughs. "Would you cough once more please?". The patient does as he is told and coughs a second time, then asks "So, what is wrong?". The doctor replies "I think you have a cough".

A man goes to the doctor...

The doctor asks him what's wrong.
"Doc, my chest has been hurting, and I've had a terrible cough for three days. And I think I've been running a fever."
The doctor looks him up and down and quickly says, "Well I can tell you right now you're going to have to stop m**... immediately."
Shocked, the man says "Why???"
"So I can examine you."

I had a cough like that once...

I didn't kick the bucket, I was just a little pail!

What's the worst part about getting a lung transplant?

The first cough is not your phlegm.

A woman with terminal sickness calls for her husband for a final talk.

"Hebert" *cough* "Everything is settled for my final departure, I just have one final thing to ask of you" *cough* "Should you ever find a new woman in your life please do not let her wear my clothes..."
Herbert: "Okay hun, I promise... she's not your size anyway..."

I went to the doctor today...

He had me take off my clothes and put on a gown so he could complete a full physical. I was worried I would be receiving a prostate exam. Anyways, he walked back in and had me pull my gown up for the ole turn your head and cough check. When I did he took one look at me and said, "Very interesting....You have got to stop m**...." I asked why, he said, "Because I'm trying to examine you."

When my mother died all my father said was, "Cough, fatigue, fever."

He's a man of flu words.

What is a p**... Heads favorite body part?

'ear *cough* 'ear

Why do cannibals cough so much when eating hands?

They get a tickle in their t**...

Hitlers Disease

A little known fact about Adolf h**... he had severe asthma and lung issues his whole life. He even wrote in his journal about it briefly titled Mein Cough.

Doctor... "I see your cough is getting better"

Patient ...." Yes, I've been practicing all night"

A Walmart pharmacist walks in to relieve her co-worker and sees a man leaning against the shelves.

She asks her co-worker , "What's with that guy over there leaning against the shelves?" He says, "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. We're out of cough syrup, so I gave him a whole bottle of laxative."
"You idiot! You can't treat a cough with laxatives!"
"Oh yeah? Look at him, he's afraid to cough!"

The pallbearers accidentally bumped Susan's casket on the wall...

... and they hear a cough. They open the casket and sure enough Susan is alive, apparently having been in a coma which she is coming out of.
She recovers in the hospital and lives another 3 years before she finally passes. At her (second) f**... the eulogies finish and the pallbearers begin to raise the casket. Susan's husband rises and shouts: Be careful not to hit the wall this time, you dimwits!!

What's the worst thing about having a lung transplant?

Realising that the first time you cough, the phlegm isn't yours.

So I went in for my yearly physical...

The nurse went through the regular motions. Then it came time for me to drop my pants and turn my head and cough. While she's examining me, she exclaims "You really should quit m**...". I asked her why, and if something was wrong, and she responded "Yes, I'm trying to give you an exam!"

Best medicine

Patient approached a doctor for incessant cough and doctor prescribed laxative.
Assistant to doctor. Sir, you gave him laxative for cough.
Doctor: Yes, and now he'd think twice before coughing.

A Doctor says to his Patient...

Your cough sounds much better this morning
It should be, says the patient. I've been practising all night

doctor i feel disturbed

Doctor: please cough
Pacient: ou w a a a a
Doctor: looks like ur down with the sickness

Roses are red, I've got a bad cough

Settings -> Notifications -> Trending -> **OFF**

How do you get rid of unwanted p**... hair?

*hawk cough spit*

My dying laptop's last wishes

(Coughing) Marvin im dying and before I die (cough intensifies)
I want you to promise me something...you'll take my hard disk and put it in your next computer
I want my memory to live on

Someone broke into my house so I hid in the closet with my phone, but I forgot to set it to silent...

Luckily when I got a text I managed to fake cough over it so he wouldn't hear

Coughy Filter Joke

The barista at starbucks was wearing a face mask.
Me: Why are you wearing a surgical mask?
She said: I'm not, it's a coughy filter.

I call my boss and told him I can't come in today because I have a wee cough

He said, "You have a wee cough?"
I said, "Sure, I'll take a week off."

Doctor to assistant: I said to give the patient something for his cough! Why did you give him a laxative?!

Assistant: Well he's not coughing anymore, is he?
Doctor: ..I guess he wouldn't dare..

People must not cough near you, they must cough far away...

So when you hear someone coughing tell him to, "Far Cough!"

It's not the cough that carries you off.

It's the coffin they carry you off in.

Before Corona Virus,I used to cough to cover a f**...

Now I f**... to cover a cough.

A poem for our times...

It's not the cough that carries you off. It's the coffin they carry you off in.

I used to cough to cover a f**...

Now I f**... to cover a cough

I had to cough in a public place today

I tried to cover it with a f**...

What do you call a painter with Coronavirus?

Van Cough

A man with the 'Rona disease

A man with the 'Rona disease
Threw caution and care to the breeze
No mask with his kin
He did them all in
With a sniffle a cough and a sneeze.

A doctor made a mistake and unknowingly prescribed his patient a powerful laxative instead of cough drops.

At the end of the week the patient comes back for a check-up. The doctor asks him: *So how's it going, Mr. Kowalski? Do you still cough a lot ?*''
The patient, who's been sitting there very rigidly, looks at him with wide eyes, *No. I'm afraid to*.

How wild has 2020 been?

Well,people used to cough to hide a f**..., now they f**... to hide a cough!

Today at my appointment the doctor grabbed my b**..., and told me to cough.

I should probably find another dentist.

I was volunteering at a soup kitchen buttering the rolls, but they threw me out for having a dry cough

I'm a bit confused why they asked me to leave - they said I was a super spreader?

A pony walks into a bar

Bartender: What'll it be?
Pony: I'll *ahem* have a *cough cough* beer.
Bartender: You got a cough?
Pony: Yeah *ahem* I'm a little horse.

I think my w**... dealer gave me corona

I've got a chronic cough.

Outside the pharmacy in a busy street, a poor man is clutching into a pole for dear life, not breathing, not moving, not twitching a muscle just standing there, frozen.

The pharmacist goes up to his assistant and asks: What's the matter with that guy? Wasn't he in here earlier?
Assistant replies: Yes he was. He had the most terrible cough and none of my prescriptions seemed to help.
Pharmacist says: He seems to be fine now.
Assistant replies: Sure, he does. I gave him a box of the strongest laxatives on the market. Now he won't dare cough!

A woman goes to the doctor because she suspects she might have covid

She enters the office and while she was in the middle of explaining her symptoms the doctor with a blushed face calls his assistant and asks for a room to admit the woman into the hospital.
The woman surprised says "Are you sure I have covid? It's just a mild cough and I haven't been even tested yet!
To which the doctor replies "Lady I just had finished my lunch and released a huge f**... a second before you came in, if you couldn't smell that I'm not wasting a test"

Two mentos are in a bar...

...just enjoying a drink of coke, (as they do of course.)
Then a Halls Cough Drop walks in.
One of the mentos hides under the table. Shaking.
The other one asks him "What's up?"
The mentos hiding under the table replies "You don't wanna mess with him... "
"...he's F--K!NG MENTHAL!"
"

Cough joke, Two mentos are in a bar...

jokes about cough

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these cough jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.