Cougar Jokes
47 cougar jokes and hilarious cougar puns to laugh out loud. Read animal jokes about cougar that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Are you looking for some funny cougar jokes? Then you've come to the right place! Check out our collection of hilarious jokes about cougars that will have you laughing out loud.
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Funniest Cougar Short Jokes
Short cougar jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The cougar humour may include short puma jokes also.
- I am really scared of encountering cougars when I go on a run If I ever saw one , I'd Puma Pants .
- I just found out my older wife was cheating on me Turns out she's not a cougar, she's a cheetah
- An older woman who dates younger men is called a cougar. What do you call an older man who dates younger women? Rich.
- A leopard can carry something twice its weight into a tree and a cougar can carry something half her age to bed.
- When a women dates a younger man she's called a cougar, when a man dates a younger woman he is called Defendant.
- The oldest one I could think of on a Monday morning: Where do cantaloupes go during the summer?
John Cougar's Melon Camp. - If an older woman who goes after a younger man is called a cougar, what is an older man going after a younger girl called? A Tyga
- What do you get when you cross the mailman with a Cougar? According to the Paternity Test: Me
- When a guy thinks that older women are more into him than they actually are... Is it an example of the Dunning-Cougar effect?
- When I saw Stephen Fry was getting married to a much younger man I wondered what a gay cougar was called. A pink panther.
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Cougar One Liners
Which cougar one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with cougar? I can suggest the ones about panther and big cat.
- I tried dating a cougar once. Turned out she was a cheetah.
- I was hiking yesterday when suddenly I ran into a cougar Almost made me puma pants
- When a cougar gets so old she needs a hearing aid... ... she becomes a Def Leppard
- When a cougar needs hearing aids, what is she now called? A deaf leopard.
- Cougars are hot. But it's a dry heat.
- Where do cantaloupes go in the summer? To John Cougar's Mellon Camp
- What happens to a cougar that needs a hearing aid? She becomes a Def Leppard.
- What do call a Cougar that has lost her hearing? A Def Leppard
- I dated an older furry once... She was a cougar
- NEVER fight a cougar Just give her a fake name and sneak her out in the morning
- Where do melons go for summer fun? John Cougar Mellencamp
- Where do cantaloupes go in the summer? To John Cougar's Mellencamp.
- Where did the cantaloupe take his vacation? John Cougar's Melon Camp
- What do you call a cougar that's hostile to you? An enemilf.
- What do you call a married cougar? A cheetah.
Cougar Woman Jokes
Here is a list of funny cougar woman jokes and even better cougar woman puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- If a "cougar" is an older woman who is into younger men, what do you call an older woman who is into younger women? a gym teacher
- a woman... who likes younger men is a cougar, a man that likes younger boys is a Nittany Lion
Cougar Animal Jokes
Here is a list of funny cougar animal jokes and even better cougar animal puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Some people die from animals, but I was apparently brought to life from one. According to my Mom, my Dad slept with a cougar once which is how I was born.
It's weird how science works. - Chuck Norris isn't a cat person but if he was, he would own 3 lions, a snow leopard, and cougar.
Quirky and Hilarious Cougar Jokes to Let the Chuckles Begin.
What funny jokes about cougar you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean leopard jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make cougar pranks.
So my parents were "debating" at the dinner table the other night
Mom: Cougar is the term used to describe an older woman who desires young men. I'm seeing a double standard here. Why isn't there a term for an older man who desires young women? What is he called?
Dad: Smart.
Itchipussy
A cougar had just finished purchasing groceries. The clerk asks if she would like any help out. The woman, seeing the bag boy was an attractive young man, she says she would. In the parking lot she sees her chance to make a move, and does:
Woman: (whispers) Hey cutie, I've got an itchipussy.
Bag boy: Look lady, all these Japanese cars look alike to me, you'll have to point it out.
A Rabbi, a Priest, and a Pastor make a bet.
They say, "Whoever goes into the woods and converts the most dangerous animal, wins". So a week goes by and they all return. The Pastor comes back with a rattlesnake and says "He goes to church every week!". The priest comes back with cougar and says "His first he's getting confirmed next month!". The Rabbi comes back in a full body cast and says " You know, I probably shouldn't have tried to circumcise a bear."
My neighbor is a cougar into b**...
You could say she is into strapping young lads.
Three blondes are walking through the forest
when they come upon a set of tracks. The first says "These are obviously wolf tracks." The second says "You must be high! they're cougar tracks." The third replies "You're both r**.... They are definitely bear tracks!" They're still arguing when the train hits.
Where did the Cantaloupes send their children for the summer?
To the John Cougar Mellencamp.
If you're ever being chased by a bear or a cougar, quickly lay on the ground for 5 seconds.
Have you ever heard of the 5 second rule?
What kind of summer camp would a toilet, a mountain lion, and a cantaloupe all go to?
A John Cougar Melon Camp
What did the Pope say when a cougar crossed his path?
Oh my gosh I almost Puma pants.
