The Best 38 Cougar Jokes

Are you looking for some funny cougar jokes? Then you've come to the right place! Check out our collection of hilarious jokes about cougars that will have you laughing out loud.

Top 10 Funniest Cougar Jokes and Puns


A cougar had just finished purchasing groceries. The clerk asks if she would like any help out. The woman, seeing the bag boy was an attractive young man, she says she would. In the parking lot she sees her chance to make a move, and does:

Woman: (whispers) Hey cutie, I've got an itchipussy.

Bag boy: Look lady, all these Japanese cars look alike to me, you'll have to point it out.

A Rabbi, a Priest, and a Pastor make a bet.

They say, "Whoever goes into the woods and converts the most dangerous animal, wins". So a week goes by and they all return. The Pastor comes back with a rattlesnake and says "He goes to church every week!". The priest comes back with cougar and says "His first he's getting confirmed next month!". The Rabbi comes back in a full body cast and says " You know, I probably shouldn't have tried to circumcise a bear."

What do John Mellencamp and Ashton Kutcher have in common?

They both picked up a Cougar and then thought better of it.

When I saw Stephen Fry was getting married to a much younger man I wondered what a gay cougar was called.

A pink panther.

Three blondes are walking through the forest

when they come upon a set of tracks. The first says "These are obviously wolf tracks." The second says "You must be high! they're cougar tracks." The third replies "You're both retarded. They are definitely bear tracks!" They're still arguing when the train hits.

If a "cougar" is an older woman who is into younger men, what do you call an older woman who is into younger women?

a gym teacher

What did the Pope say when a cougar crossed his path?

Oh my gosh I almost Puma pants.

Cougar joke, What did the Pope say when a cougar crossed his path?

How does a cougar obtain the perfect tan?

She uses a perfect son.

What do you get when you cross a dog and a cougar?

Trouble with the postman.

If an older woman who goes after a younger man is called a cougar, what is an older man going after a younger girl called?

A Tyga

What do you call a married cougar?

A cheetah.

You can explore cougar panther reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean cougar lion dad jokes. There are also cougar puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

A leopard can carry something twice its weight into a tree

and a cougar can carry something half her age to bed.

What do you call a Japanese Cougar with exceptional taste?


When a women dates a younger man she's called a cougar, when a man dates a younger woman he is called


John Cougar Mellencamp's first ever rough draft of 'Hurts so Good' was recently leaked...

"I long for those young boy days with a girl like you... But not you specifically. Got a sister?"

So my parents were "debating" at the dinner table the other night

Mom: Cougar is the term used to describe an older woman who desires young men. I'm seeing a double standard here. Why isn't there a term for an older man who desires young women? What is he called?

Dad: Smart.

Cougar joke, So my parents were "debating" at the dinner table the other night

Why Did You Dump The Cougar?

"Because he was a lion cheetah!"

What do you get when you cross the mailman with a Cougar?

According to the Paternity Test: Me

What kind of summer camp would a toilet, a mountain lion, and a cantaloupe all go to?

A John Cougar Melon Camp

If you're ever being chased by a bear or a cougar, quickly lay on the ground for 5 seconds.

Have you ever heard of the 5 second rule?

Cougars are hot.

But it's a dry heat.

Where did the Cantaloupes send their children for the summer?

To the John Cougar Mellencamp.

What do you call a cougar that's hostile to you?

An enemilf.

What do you call a one-eyed cougar?

A Mountain L on

Some people die from animals, but I was apparently brought to life from one.

According to my Mom, my Dad slept with a cougar once which is how I was born.

It's weird how science works.

NEVER fight a cougar

Just give her a fake name and sneak her out in the morning

Cougar joke, NEVER fight a cougar

Where do baby watermelons go for the summer?

John Cougar Mellencamp

Where do melons go for summer fun?

John Cougar Mellencamp

I dated an older furry once...

She was a cougar

I was hiking yesterday when suddenly I ran into a cougar

Almost made me puma pants

My neighbor is a cougar into BDSM

You could say she is into strapping young lads.

What do call a Cougar that has lost her hearing?

A Def Leppard

What happens to a cougar that needs a hearing aid?

She becomes a Def Leppard.

When a cougar gets so old she needs a hearing aid...

... she becomes a Def Leppard

An older woman who dates younger men is called a cougar. What do you call an older man who dates younger women?


When a cougar needs hearing aids, what is she now called?

A deaf leopard.

I tried dating a cougar once.

Turned out she was a cheetah.

I just found out my older wife was cheating on me

Turns out she's not a cougar, she's a cheetah

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the cougar lynx puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working cougar jaguar piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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