Cotton Jokes

109 cotton jokes and hilarious cotton puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about cotton that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Looking for a laugh? Check out our collection of funny cotton jokes. From one-liners to knock-knock jokes, we've got something for everyone.

Best Short Cotton Jokes

Short cotton jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The cotton humour may include short silk jokes also.

  1. I think Unilever should print little government conspiracies on their cotton swabs. They could call them Q tips
  2. Whys was the internet so obsessed with the song "Cotton-Eyed Joe" for a short period of time? I mean, where did it come from where did it go?
  3. I named a spider on my wall cotton eyed joe Because I have two questions,
    Where did he come from,
    And where did he go!?
  4. Saw a black man run down the street with a flatscreen under his arm At first i thought it was mine,
    but then i remembered that mine was chained in my backyard picking cotton
  5. I Work At Sears And Some Black Guys Came In Asking For Polyester Pants It's weird because they usually pick cotton.
  6. You will never see a black clown at the circus... Because they are busy picking cotton candy.
  7. I named a Spider I found in my house "Cotton Eye Joe" because... Because
    Where did he come from
    and where did he go
  8. Saw a massive spider in my room earlier Named him Cotton Eye Joe, because I want to know two things...where did he come from and where did he go?!
  9. Cotton Eye Joe I found a massive spider in my house the other day. I named him Cotton Eye Joe because I want to know two things:
    Where did he come from?
    And where did he go?
  10. What do you call the offspring of a black man and an octopus? I don't know but it sure can pick a lot of cotton.

Quick Jump To

Cotton joke, What do you call the offspring of a black man and an octopus?

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about cotton can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of cotton puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Share These Cotton Jokes With Friends

Cotton One Liners

Which cotton one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with cotton? I can suggest the ones about cloth and copper.

  1. I bought pink cotton but my wife wanted purple Sorry, wrong thread
  2. Want to know how dark my humor is? It picks cotton
  3. "Why is that cotton candy talking?" "Grandma, that's Nicki Minaj"
  4. Now that the tide pod fad is dying down lets move onto the cotton candy in the attic.
  5. Why was the cotton candy singing? Grandma, hush, that's Nicki Minaj
  6. What does a stoners mouth and shirt have in common? They are both 100% cotton
  7. You can't be woke all the time. Even Fredrick Douglas wore cotton.
  8. "Git yer cotton pickin hands off a my gin." -Eli Whitney
  9. What's a rappers shirt made out of? Strait out of cotton
  10. What about that new beer... by Peter Cotton Ale? It's made with more hops!
  11. My mouth so dry... Eli Whitney walk up on me while I'm yawning and invent the cotton gin.
  12. I tried Tylenol for the first time today. It tasted a lot like cotton.
  13. What's the worst part about going down on a black girl? Cotton mouth
  14. I am so Pro-Black... That I don't even pick cotton from an Aspirin bottle...
  15. How do you turn a woman into a cotton picker? You cut the string....
    (Give it a minute)

Cotton Picking Jokes

Here is a list of funny cotton picking jokes and even better cotton picking puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why is there cotton on top of the pills inside a pill bottle? To remind black people they picked cotton before they sold drugs.
  • A black man walked into my store today and bought polyester pants. Which is weird, since they usually pick cotton.
  • I Told My Black Friend He Has a Nice Shirt He replies saying it is made out of quality cotton.
    I asked if his parents picked it out for him.
  • You know which presidential candidate in 2020 will have the hardest time? Tom Cotton.
    Having to tell black people to "Pick Cotton!" in 2020.
  • A black work colleague of mine accused me of making subtle racist comments to him. I had to defend myself and said woah, now hold on a cotton picking minute
  • What do you get when you mix a Black Person with an Octopus? I don't know but it sure would be good at picking cotton!
  • When You Ask Your Black Significant Other to Prom You may be picking cotton in the fields, but now I'm the one picking you.
  • What's black and has 8 arms? I don't know either, but it must be really good at picking up cotton...
  • My crazy uncle from Alabama... ...suggested a bumper sticker:
  • If we knew we'd have this many problems, we would've picked our own cotton.

Cotton Candy Jokes

Here is a list of funny cotton candy jokes and even better cotton candy puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why do black people hate the world fairs? To be honest I don't know. Iam too busy enjoying the cotton candy , cruises , and auctions!
  • Last night I dreamed about eating a huge cotton candy. When I woke up, my pillow was missing.
  • What has Ferris wheels, cotton candy, and delicious fried food? That's a fair question
  • Why didn't Donald Trump address the Veterans in the rain? Have you ever seen what happens to cotton candy when it gets wet?
  • Grandma: "Why is that dumb piece of cotton candy talking."
    Me: "Grandma, thats Nikki Minaj."
  • If you think tidepods are good.. try the cotton candy in the attic!
  • Conundrum for a black person. Watermelon flavored cotton candy.
  • What does a vampire call a used t**...? Cotton candy

Cotton Ball Jokes

Here is a list of funny cotton ball jokes and even better cotton ball puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why can you never hear bunnies having s**...? Because they have cotton b**....
  • Why can't you hear rabbits making love? ***Because they have cotton b**....***
  • My favorite prank phone-call gag when I was a child: Call store, ask, "Do you have cotton-b**...?" After confirmation that the store has cotton-b**..., "Does it tickle when you walk?"
  • Why don't rabbits make noise when they're having s**...? Cotton b**....
Cotton joke, Why don't rabbits make noise when they're having s**...?

Laughter Cotton Jokes for Everyone for Fun and Frivolity

What funny jokes about cotton you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean wheat jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make cotton prank.

p**... Stitcher VS Diesel Fitter

Manuel and Pedro worked together and both were laid off, so they went to the unemployment office. When asked his occupation, Manuel answered, "p**... Stitcher. I sew da elastic onto ladies' cotton p**...."
The clerk looked up p**... Stitcher. Finding it classified as "unskilled labor," she gave him $300 a week unemployment pay.
Pedro was asked his occupation. "Diesel Fitter," he replied. Since diesel fitter was a skilled job, the clerk gave Pedro $600 a week.
When Manuel found out he was furious. He stormed back into the office to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double his pay.
The clerk explained, "p**... stitchers are unskilled and diesel fitters are skilled labor"
"What skill?!" yelled Manuel. "I sew the elastic on da p**..., Pedro puts dem over his head and says: 'Yeah, diesel fitter.'"

Why is the rate of unemployed black people higher than in the 20th century?

Because synthetic cotton is more popular.

"A creative man is motivated by the desire to achieve, not by the desire to beat others." ― Ayn Rand

Obviously He's never been a cotton plantation s**... owner.

What do you call Raggedy Ann, in a puddle of mud, with a stone in her mouth?

A dirty cotton rock s**....

I lost my virginity to a g**... her period.

The foreplay gave me cotton mouth.

After being at sea for six months

After being at sea for six months the working man heads to the local cat house. He picks the woman he wants & they go into a room.
As she is getting undressed the man starts stuffing cotton in his nose & ears.
She asks him, "What is all that cotton for?"
He replies, "There is 2 things I can't stand. That is the smell of burning rubber & the sound of a screaming woman."

A Scottish Soldier marches into a pharmacy

A Scottish Soldier, in full dress uniform, marches into a pharmacy.
Very carefully he opens his sporran and pulls out a neatly folded cotton
bandana, unfolds it to reveal a smaller silk square handkerchief, which he also
unfolds to reveal a c**....
The c**... has a number of patches on it.
The chemist holds it up and eyes it critically.
"How much to repair it?' The Scot asks the chemist.
"Six pence" says the chemist.
"How much for a new one?"
"Ten pence" says the chemist.

The Scot painstakingly folds the c**... into the silk square handkerchief
and the cotton bandana, replaces it carefully in his sporran, and marches out of the door, shoulders back and kilt swinging.
A moment or two later the chemist hears a great shout go up outside,
followed by an even greater shout.

The Scottish soldier marches back into the chemists and addresses the
proprietor, this time with a grin on his face.

"The regiment has taken a vote," he says. "We'll have a new one."

What do cows drink joke

Say each of the questions aloud and then answer the final question.
What color are polar bears?
What color is cotton?
What color are clouds normally on a sunny day?
What color are marshmallows?
So what do cows drink?

How does a black women tell she is pregnant?

When she pulls the t**... out and the cotton is already picked.

I didn't have a c**... last night, so I used a sock...

She wouldn't stop complaining about cotton mouth.

Scientists have created a cotton plant resistant to boll weevils.

When asked about it, they replied, "It's unbollweevible."

How do you know a black woman is pregnant?

When she pulls out a t**... and all the cotton had been picked.
I feel bad for saying this but it gave a me good laugh.

I have a friend called Rick that was recently turned into cotton...

we have to call him Threadrick now.
I thought of this joke on the way to buy my lunch today, I hope it's not already been made.

Cottonballs is a great example of something I would buy but not want as a nickname.

Cinnamon buns, however...
Credit Dymitri Martin.

How does a black girl know shes pregnant?

When all the cotton is picked off her t**....

What's a small black dot between two larger white ones?

A flea with cotton wool in its ears.

How can you tell when a black woman is pregnant?

When she pulls out her t**... all the cotton is picked off.

"A bill collector knocked on the door of a country debtor ...

"A bill collector knocked on the door of a country debtor and asked the woman who answered the door, "Is Fred home?"
"Sorry, Fred's gone for cotton."
The next day the bill collector tried again. "Is Fred here today?"
"No, sir. I'm afraid he has gone for cotton."
When he returned the third day he humphed, "I suppose Fred is gone for cotton again,?"
"No, Fred died yesterday."
Suspicious that he was being avoided, the collector decided to wait a week and check the cemetery himself. But sure enough, there was poor Fred's tombstone, with the inscription, "Gone, But Not for Cotton.""

If a Teddy Bear Smokes w**.......

....Does He Get Cotton Mouth?

How does a black woman know she's pregnant without taking a pregnacy test?

When there's no more cotton on her t**... anymore

s**... owners used to get black people to pick cotton...

now they get them to pick Democrats.

My teacher in workshop laughed when I said I could make a deadly knife out of cotton...

...After I sharpened the tip, he backed down saying, "I see you've made your point."

"That's a really nice dress you're wearing, what fabric is that?" "It's cotton."

"Wow, and here I am thinking it must be felt."

Why was the cotton swab really good at playing billiards?

It had cue tips

Don't insert a cotton swab in to your ear canal...

Just a Q-tip

Boll weevils are detrimental to cotton crops. If you had to have boll weevils on your farm, which do you want, a big weevil or a little weevil?

The little weevil, because you always want the *lesser of two weevils.*

My botany professor just told us this.

What was George Gershwin's favorite winter sport?

Fissure jumping.

(and the cotton is high)

What do the n**... call a cotton swab?

A swabstica!

Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina.

One went all the way out to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.

Cotton the middle of life and death

A stalk of wheat goes in to have a s**...-change operation. After hours and hours in the operating room, one of the surgeons has a slip up with the sickle they are using. Nearly bleeding out, the wheat is stitched up in the nick of time.
A few weeks later, the wheat is recounting the story to its partner, who is a stalk of cotton. They tell them the operation was worth it, and they are lucky to be a sir fiber.

Two weevils grew up in South Carolina

One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.

I went on a cruise once, and we were hit by a gigantic wave, and the boat sank.

I woke up on a sugar sand beach, with gigantic cotton candy clouds filling the sky, and the sea glistened under the setting sun like a pool of honey, next to me was a volleyball that looked like a marshmallow. Towering above me was a gigantic volcano that looked like an upside down ice cream cone.
It was then that my worst fears were realized, that I was trapped on a dessert Island.


A man walks into a supermarket, asks the clerk where the Tampons are.
She told him Aisle 14.
He comes back a few minutes later with a big bag of large cotton b**......and some kite string.
Puzzled, the girl asks him if he wasn't the one asking for Tampons?
" it's a long story," he explains, "last night, the wife went to convenience store, and I asked her to get me a pak of cigarettes."
He continues, "she came back with a can of Prince Albert and some rolling papers, saying it was cheaper to roll my own....
Cause of death: COVID

What do you call Raggedy Ann lying face down in a gravel pit?

A dirty cotton rock s**....

Blonde lady driving down a dirt road…

When she sees another blonde woman in a row boat out in the middle of a cotton field. She slams on her brakes, fuming, and yells out to the lady in the boat HEY!! IT'S DUMB BLONE b**... LIKE YOU THAT GIVE BLONDES LIKE ME A BAD REPUTATION!! AND IF I COULD SWIM, I'D COME KICK YOUR a**...!!

A man walked into a Walgreens and asked where the tampons were.

Cashier: "Aisle 5."
Minutes later the man returned with a bag of cotton b**... and some string.
Cashier: "I thought you were buying tampons."
Man: "I was, and then I got to thinking about something. The other day I asked my wife to pick me up some cigarettes while she was out, and she came home with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers. Her reasoning was that it was just SOOO MUCH CHEAPER. So the way I figure it, if I have to roll my own, then so does she."

Cotton joke, Cotton Eye Joe

jokes about cotton

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these cotton jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.