Costume Jokes

Following is our collection of gown puns and masquerade one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Costume jokes for adults, dirty tux jokes and clean cosplay dad gags for kids.

The Best Costume Puns

A naked man arrives at a costume party with a girl on his back.

"I'm a turtle", he says.

"Oh... who's on your back?"

"That's Michelle", he replies.

Anyone need a slutty costume for Halloween?

Just dress up as one of my professors, they barely cover anything

A man goes to a costume party wearing nothing but his underwear and a woman on his back.

His friends see him and say, Hey man, what are you supposed to be?
He replies, Oh, I'm dressed as a turtle.
His friends respond, A turtle? How are you a turtle? Who's that woman on your back?
The man replies, Oh that's just Michelle.

A police officer accidentally arrested a judge who was dressed like a convict for a costume party.

He quickly learned to never book a judge by their cover

So there's this one kid at a costume party and the host ask what he was dressed up as. The kid told him that he dressed up as a harp, and the host told him that his costume is too small to be a harp.

The kid then said, "Are you calling me a lyre?"


I invited my buddy to a costume party and he said he was going as his dad

He didn't show up

When I go to a costume party this year, I'm showing up wearing only a pair of jeans.

That way when I'm asked what my costume is, I'll say "I'm a premature ejaculator. I just came in my pants."

My dad dressed up as The Invisible Man today

He's had the costume on for the last 20 years

My gay friend's had an 80's themes costume party.

I came dressed up as AIDS. Nobody really knew what I was at the start of the party, but by the end, everybody got it.

An older man walks into a bar...

...wearing a stovepipe hat, a waistcoat and a phony beard. He sits down at a bar and orders a drink. As the bartender sets it down, he asks, "Going to a party?"

"Yeah, a costume party," the man answers, "I'm supposed to come dressed as my love life."

"But you look like Abe Lincoln," protests the bartender.

"That's right. My last four scores were seven years ago."

Why doesn't Magneto wear his old costume anymore?

Because days of fuchsia passed


I went to a Halloween party dressed as a harp

The host asked me: What are you?

Me: Oh, I'm dressed as a harp.

Host: Your costume is too short to be a harp

Me: Are you calling me a lyre?

Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone are planning a costume party

and the theme is composers. Bruce tells the other stars, "I'll dress up as Mozart". Sylvester responds, "I'd be a great Beethoven". As the two are planning their costumes, Arnold checks the time and notices he's late for an appointment. As he hurries out the door, Bruce and Stallone ask "Hey, Arnold, who'll you dress up as? Arnold responds, as he walks out of the room, "I'll be Bach".

Ukrainian authorities are planning to turn the Chernobyl exclusion zone into an amusement park

They say the only difference between it and Disneyland will be that the six foot tall mouse isn't a costume.

Halloween Joke

This guy goes to a Halloween costume party, but he's just wearing street clothes, and he has his girlfriend sitting on his shoulders.

The host says to him, Dude, this is a Halloween party! You're supposed to be wearing a costume?

The guy replies, I am wearing a costume! I'm a snail!

You're a snail?

Yeah, I'm a snail, says the guy. Then he points to his girlfriend and says, This is Michelle.

Three members of the KKK walk into a bar...

They sit at the back in full costume.

The first Klansman thinks to himself, "If the black guy at the bar tries to pull off my hood, I'll kill him!"

The second Klansman thinks to himself, "If the gay guy at the bar tries to pull off my hood, I'll kill him!"

The third Klansman thinks to himself, "If someone pulls off my hood, the gay black guy at the bar will recognize me from last night, and these two will kill me!"

A guy arrives at a music-themed costume party and the host asks him what he is supposed to be. The guy happily shouts 'A harp'. The host pauses and then says 'I think that costume seems a little small to be a harp'.

The guy replies 'Are you calling me a lyre?'.

A zoo's only gorilla dies...

so the zookeeper hires an actor to wear a gorilla costume until the zoo can get another one.

In the gorilla pen the actor makes faces, beats his chest, swings around, and soon draws a huge crowd. Encouraged, he then crawls atop a beam across the lion's enclosure, taunting the animal below. But, in horror, he lost his grip, falling into the lion's cage.

Terrified, the actor shouts, Help! Help me! Too late. The lion pounces, opens its massive jaws, and whispers urgently, Shut up! Do you want to get us both fired?!

slave Leia

A man comes home to his girlfriend who is in a slave Leia costume, chained to the bed and stretched out seductively. The man gets angry and says "I'm not that fat!"


A Halloween joke for you.

Little Johnny is out trick or treating on Halloween dressed as a pirate. He walked up to a house and said "trick or treat". The little old lady just gushed over his costume. She says to Johnny, "What a cute costume, but let me ask you....Where are your buccaneers?" Little Johnny says back, "They're under my buckin hat lady."

A nude lady enters the costume party behind the turtle

She has nothing but a monkey covering her pubic area.

The host takes one puzzled look.

"Alright, I give up. Judging by what I asked the turtle, I may regret asking this, but what are you supposed to be?"

"I'm an Italian boy!"

"What's with the monkey?"

"That'sa not a monkey! That's a macaque!"

Wife spices things up!

A wife, worrying about the state of her marriage, decides to spice things up in the bedroom by adding some costume play. She buys a sexy supergirl outfit and when her husband is in bed slips it on. She walks out, poses seductively and says "Superpussy". Her husband, not looking up from his crossword says "I'll have the soup thanks".

The Fed Ex driver only delivered part of my grizzly costume

I was so mad, I choked him with my bear hands

I'm not allowed to dress up as a superhero and visit the children's hospital anymore.

And I put so much work into my Thanos costume.

THE GOVINATOR

Jean Claude Van Dam, Steven Segal, and Arnold Schwarzenagger all decide to go out trick-or-treating as musical composers for Halloween. They go into a costume store and look for masks. Jean Claude sees a costume that he likes and says, "I think I'll go as Beethoven." Steven Segal sees a costume that grabs his attention and says, "I'll be Mozart." Arnold had a tough time finding a costume that he liked, but he eventually found one that appeased his interest. He picks up a costume and said, "I'll be Bach."

A man looking for work

A man was looking for work. In fact, he was desperate. He heard the circus was in town and so he went and asked the ring master if there was a job for him. The ring master said, "We're lucky you showed up! Our tiger just died and he was a big part of the show. What we need you to do is put on this tiger costume and pretend to be a real tiger. Nobody will know the difference." So the man put on the tiger costume, and he had to admit, it was a very realistic costume. Soon the show started, and the time came for the tiger act. The man, eager to do a good job, lept out into the ring, snarling just like a real tiger. The crowd cheered. He did all the things the tiger was supposed to do: let the trainer stick his head in his mouth, balanced on a ball, and finally walked across a tightrope. The crowd loved it. But then a lion and a bear entered the ring. The ring master announced, "Now you will see these three ferocious beasts enter one cage together!" The man had no choice as he was herded into the cage with the lion and the bear. The two animals roared and snarled, and the man became afraid for his life. He began running around the cage, shouting, "Let me out! I'm not a real tiger! Help!" Then the lion grabbed him and said, "Shut up! Do you want us all to lose our jobs?"

Michelle

On Halloween, a man shows up to his friend's costume party in the nude carrying a woman on his back. His friend answers the door and shockingly asks, "what are you supposed to be?!"

The man says, "I'm a snail."

With an obvious look of disdain on his face, his friend asks, "well, who is she?"

The man answers, "Michelle."

Mozart, Beethoven, and Schwarzenegger are getting ready to throw a Halloween party. Mozart turns to Arnie and asks, "what's your costume going to be?"

"I'll be Bach"

The Costume Party

The local pub once held a costume party. The bartender announced to the patrons that they must all come dressed up as their "love life". Sure enough, the day of the party arrives and the bartender spots some old geezer dressed as Abraham Lincoln. He says "Oi, mate. You were supposed to come dressed up as your love life!"

With a shrug and a sly grin the other man says "Oh, I have. My four scores were seven years ago."

A man walks into a costume party

Wearing nothing but underwear, and with a girl wrapped to his back with silver tape.

A friend of his welcomes him and asks "So... What are you dressed as?"

"I'm a turtle", answers the guy.

"And who is this on your back?"

"Oh, that's just Michelle."

(Probably a repost, I know, but the joke is just too good)

My friend asked me what I was being for Halloween, and I said "Nothing."

He said "No, that's what you are in real life, you have to wear a costume."

The Terminator and his friends decided to go to a costume party dressed up as famous classical musicians.

"I'll be Beethoven!", said one friend.

"I'll be Mozart!", said the other friend.

"I'll be Bach.", said The Terminator.

What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when he was invited to the historical costume party?

"I'll be Bach"

My friend turned up to my costume party dressed as an abacus.

I knew I could count on him.

A husband says to his wife:

"I hate to tell you this but your swimming costume is very tight and revealing."

"Wear your own one then!"

On Halloween don't wear a dinosaur costume in bad neighborhoods.

You'll get Jurasskicked.

I went to a costume party

Host: What are you supposed to be?

Me: I'm a harp!

Host: No Way! Your costume is way to small to be a harp.

Me: Are you calling my a lyre????

A naked man is walking down the street with a woman on his back...

A guy on the other side of the street yells at him "Hey! What are you doing!?"

The naked man replies, "Don't get all upset. I'm headed to a costume party!"

"As what?" asks the guy.

"As a tortoise! Can't you tell?"

"Well, what's the woman doing on your back?"

"Oh that's just Michelle."

Dave got his wife a French maids costume to get her in the mood but it was a complete waste.



The house is still messed up as usual.

When I die...

I want my body to be dressed in a Super Man costume and tossed out of a plane.

Terminator, RoboCop, & Optimus Prime are all together thinking of their next costume for Halloween...

when RoboCop says "We should all be classical musical composers; I'll be..Beethoven!".

 


Optimus Prime agrees and says "alright - I'll be..Mozart!".

 


Terminator stands up and says "I'll be Bach!".

I went to a fancy dress party...

A girl approached me and asked 'what are you meant to be?'

I said 'a harp'

She replied 'your costume is too small to be a harp'

I said 'are you calling me a lyre?'

Mark and his friend Michelle

go to a costume party. When they show up Michelle is clinging to Mark's back. Someone greets them and asks what they're supposed to be. Mark says that he's a snail. The other guy asks "who's on your back?" Mark replies "Michelle"

I was forced to dress up in a half man, half horse costume.

I hate being the centaur of attention.

A woman asks her husband what type of bird makes for the sexiest Halloween costume

"Should I be a spotted boobie?", asks the woman.
"Or what about a spread pink Flamingo?" "...Neither" replies the man. "If you really want men to like you, you need to be some sort of swallow."

A nun gets into a cab

The cab driver sees her in the backseat and says "I have always had a fantasy about nuns."

She answers "you and everyone else! Are you a Catholic?"

Driver says yes, so she tells him to pull over.

She hops in the front seat and gives him the best blow job he ever had. She gets done and the cabbie feels guilty and says "You know sister, I have to confess. I am not really Catholic."

"That's fine. My name is Ralph and I am going to a costume party."

I asked a nun why she wore the same costume everyday.

She said, "It's a habit."

Sorry

Last Halloween

Last Halloween, I went to a costume party. I spot a guy dressed in a monkey costume with a jar of peanut butter in one hand and a chocolate bar in the other. I asked him what he was dressed as, and he replied, "Me? I am a Reese's Monkey."

Went to a costume party last night

The host asked what I was supposed to be, so I told him I dressed up as a harp. "But your costume is too small to be a harp," he said.

"Are you calling me a lyre?"

What would be the scariest coronavirus costume?

One without a mask

Which Halloween costume has the hardest time getting to third base?

The Headless horseman

A man is walking around a costume party dressed in green with a woman on his shoulder

When asked what he was he said he was a tortoise. Then when asked about the woman he replied "she's Michelle".

I knew a detective who always wore a cat costume.

One day I asked him why.

He told me "I am always in purrsuit."

Costume party

A man is having a costume party and notices a guy wearing nothing but red pants. The host marches up to the guy and says "Hey, this is a costume party. I can't let you stay without a costume on." The guy replies "But I am wearing a costume. I am a premature ejaculator" The host is confused and asks "Then where is your costume?" The guy replies "Well... I just came in my pants."

What's the most inappropriate Halloween costume this year?

Hurricane Harvey Weinstein

I tried to change the colour of my monk's costume so I could reuse it

but I guess old habits dye hard.

A husband and wife are getting ready for a costume party. Since they have nothing on hand to wear for the event, the husband suggests to his wife that she should put a lemon between her legs as he puts the potato between his. Confused, she asks what it's all about.

The husband says, "Honey, you be the sourpuss, and I'll be the dictator."

Chris Brown dressed as Deadpool for Halloween and won a costume contest.

The runner up was a girl dressed like Rihanna, but he beat her.

They say "Dress for the job you want, not the job you have".

So now I'm sat in HR waiting for a disciplinary meeting. In a Batman costume.

Yesterday I went to a costume party as a premature ejection

I just came in my pants

Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked if he was going to attend the 18th century composer costume party.

He said, Yes, I'll be Bach .

Last weekend I was accused of being dyslexic at a party...

I think they were just jealous of my goat costume, because nobody else put in *any* effort. For some reason they all decided to just wear bed sheets to the goat party.

So yesterday I wore a costume....

I am a male and I wore a see through shirt and pants. I completed my ensemble with a stuffed bra, long haired wig and lipstick. I pushed a baby doll around all night in a stroller holding the baby bottle....

I was a transparent transparent.

For my next Halloween costume I'll need to physically disappear out of existence...

I'll be the wage gap.

So a man was going as Adam from Adam and Eve for a Halloween costume.

So he went to a costume shop and asked the lady working there for a leaf to wear, so the lady brought out a leaf and the guy said, "bigger", so the lady brought out another leaf and the man said "bigger" again, this went on a few more times and the lady finally came out and said, "why don't you just throw it over your shoulder and go as a gas pump?"

At a costume party- Guy: What are you? Girl: I'm a Harp Guy: that looks a little big to be a harp.

Girl: Are you calling me a Lyre?

When Titanic came out, I went to the premiere wearing a iceberg costume

Needless to say, it was a smash hit.

Stephen King didn't like my Halloween costume.

I dressed like a clown but he said I was doing it wrong

A man is invited to a costume party...

where the theme is to come as something or someone that represents your sex life. After thinking a little, he finally comes up with the perfect costume!

As he enters the party, the host comes up to ask him about his costume.

"I'm curious, how does Abraham Lincoln represent your sex life?"

"Easy," he replies. "My last four scores were seven years ago!"

I once met Bruce Willis

I once met Bruce Willis at a fancy dress party. He was wearing a really shabby looking nun outfit. I was told that he'd worn the same costume to every fancy dress party he'd attended for years. I suppose old habits die hard.

Mark Ruffalo Went into a Job Interview

The interviewer asked "What's your strong suit?"

"Oh, you know, the Hulk costume."

There is an abundance of halloween jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 71 funniest jokes and costume puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any outfit witze you can hear about costume.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes