Costs Jokes
109 costs jokes and hilarious costs puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about costs that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Costs Short Jokes
Short costs jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The costs humour may include short expenses jokes also.
- In Jamaica, a slice of pie costs $3.50. In the Bahamas, a slice of pie costs $5.50. These are the pie rates of the caribbean.
- Trump's wall will cost 21.6 billion, Nasa's budget is only 19 billion Probably because Mexico has more aliens
- 1 slice of apple pie will cost you $2.45 in Jamaica. A slice of apple pie costs $3.75 in Trinidad and the same slice costs $4.45 in Barbados. And those are the Pie-Rates of the Caribbean.
- Businessman: How much will it cost to buy a large singing group? I need one for a party. Lady: Do you mean a choir?
Businessman: Okay, fine. How much does it cost to acquire a large singing group? - Son asks dad how much does marriage cost? Dad: i don't know son I'm still paying for it
- I don't understand why some people say, "Taco Bell isn't real Mexican." It gets the job done for less than half the cost. That's about as Mexican as it gets.
- What costs hundreds of millions of dollars but is worthless? 2nd place in a presidential election.
- I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 and 500 in roman numeral I M LIVID
- Had to stop at the gas station to fill my tires… They raised the price to $1.50. I just can't believe the cost of inflation these days.
- They say you should test your fire alarm once a month... But it's costing me a fortune in houses!
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Costs One Liners
Which costs one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with costs? I can suggest the ones about fees and benefits.
- What concert costs just 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickelback.
- How much does Santa's sleigh cost? $0, it's on the house.
- What concert costs 45 cents? 50 Cent feat. Nickelback
Go ahead, down vote me to oblivion - Putting air in your tires used to be free now its costs a dollar... Its called inflation.
- What did the deaf person think when he won the auction? I've won, but at what cost?
- How much do used batteries cost? Nothing, they are free of charge.
- Don't vaccinate your kids... Smaller coffins cost less than bigger ones.
- Why does it cost $1.50 now to put air in my tires? Inflation?
- It was going to cost me $700 to put down my dog So I booked a United flight instead
- Vader has a pretty sweet suit. It must have cost at least an arm and a leg.
- How much does a chimney cost ? Free, It's on the house !
- How much does it cost a pirate to get his ear pierced? A buccaneer.
- Due to rising costs, Old McDonald had to sell his farm. E-I-E-I-Owes a lot of money.
- How much does a red lightsaber cost? An arm and a leg
^^ - How much did it cost the pirate to have his ears pierced? A buck an ear

Heartwarming Costs Jokes that Make You Laugh
What funny jokes about costs you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean funds jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make costs pranks.
I saw your "a woman walks into a store joke" and this is mine
A woman walks into a pet store and sees three parrots. She asks the cashier how much is the first parrot and he says, "This parrot costs $500".
"$500? Why is it so expensive?"
"This parrot can dance, sing, say 300 words and can send emails over the web"
"really? wow! and how much for the second one?"
"$2000!"
"$2000?"
"Yes, that parrot can dance, sing, say 1500 words, send emails, browse the web, use twitter and type texts you dictate on a computer"
"Wow, fantastic and what about the third one?"
"The third one costs $200,000".
"$200,000 ???? What does he do to cost that much?"
"absolute nothing."
"Nothing? and why does it costs $200,000"
"because the other two parrots call him boss".
Plane Ride
Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, "Esther, I'd like to ride in that airplane."
Esther always replied, "I know, Morris, but that airplane ride costs fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars."
One year Morris and Esther went to the fair, and Morris said, "Esther, I'm eighty-five years old. If I don't ride that airplane, I might never get another chance."
Esther replied, "Morris, that airplane ride costs fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars."
The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal. I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you; but if you say one word, it's fifty dollars."
Morris and Esther agreed, and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word was spoken. He did all his tricks over again but still not a word. When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, "My, my, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't."
Morris replied, "Well, I was gonna say something when Esther fell out, but fifty dollars is fifty dollars."
The chancellor of the university is complaining to the dean of physics...
"We need to cut costs!" He says. "All this complex technology you guys use! Why can't you be more like the Maths department? All they need is pencils, paper and wastebaskets!"
"Better still," says the dean of physics, "we could be like the philosophy department. All they need is the pencils and paper."
How is prostitution like yogurt?
It costs more for Greek.
I tried joining the American Paralympics team
didn't make it in though. entry costs an arm and a leg.
Why do LEGO men hate going to hospital...?
Because plastic surgery costs a fortune!
A man goes to a psychiatrist and says "Doctor, you gotta help me, my wife thinks she's a piano..."
The doc replies, "Well, bring her in and I'll see what I can do."
The man says, "Are you nuts!? Do you know how much it costs to move a piano??"
Ferrari
Woman:
Do you drink beer?
Man: Yes
Woman:
How many beers a day?
Man:
Usually about 3
Woman:
How much do you pay per beer?
Man: $5.00 which includes a tip
Woman:
And how long have you been drinking?
Man:
About 20 years, I suppose
Woman:
So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending each
month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately $5400 correct?
Man:
Correct
Woman:
If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past 20
years puts your spending at $108,000, correct?
Man:
Correct
Woman:
Do you know that if you didn't drink so much beer, that money could have
been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for
compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?
Man:
Do you drink beer?
Woman:
No
Man:
Where's your Ferrari?
Job Interview
A games programmer is at a job interview at Electronic Arts.
As the interview comes to an end, the interviewer glances down at the programmer's résumé and sees "please turn over" written at the bottom.
He turns the résumé over, but finds that the other side is blank.
The interviewer asks, "Where's the rest of your résumé?"
The programmer replies, "Oh, that's downloadable content; it costs an extra ten dollars!"
So the other day I tried to bring 2 dead raccoons on an airplane...
but the lady at the desk told me a second carrion costs extra.
Why are stock traders so good at s**...?
Same principal, you gotta pull out at the right moment or it costs you.
Have you heard of divorced barbie? Her set costs $450.
...mostly because it comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, and one of Ken's friends.
Did you know that 69 is now 96?
With this worsening economy, it costs a lot more to eat out.
I hate buying from cannibals
it always costs an arm and a leg.
Have you seen the new ticket prices for Alton Towers?
Admission now costs an arm and a leg!
Healthcare Costs in America
What's the difference between an expensive purchase and a loud noise that scares a chicken?
One costs an arm and a leg. The other caused alarm and an egg.
What costs you more the less you spend on it?
A divorce lawyer.
A guy buys a golf course...
It's doing well, but maintenance costs are killing him, so he decides to build 3 robots. They're instantly doing 10 times the work of humans, & he's happy. One day the club pro is teeing off in a money game & gets blinded by the glare from a robot. Its not the first time, & he tells the owner he must fix this issue. He thinks about it, & decides to simply paint the robots black. So the next day two of them don't show up for work & the third one robs the pro shop.
Three men share a hotel room
Three men share a hotel room in order to minimize costs, only to find out that the room only has one bed, so they share the bed with each other.
The next morning, the man sleeping on the right side of the bed says, "I had a dream that I got a h**...." The man on the left side of the bed said, "I also had a dream that I got a h**...."
The man sleeping in the middle remarked, "That's weird, I had a dream that I was skiing."
TIL it costs more money to make a penny than how much it's worth
That makes very little cents
I hear they're now calling it 96 instead of 69
Because it costs more to eat out
A man in need of a brain
A man was dying in the hospital and he needed a new brain or he wouldn't survive for long, the doctor told him there were 3 available brains but each with a price.
The first one was an professor's brain that costs 3000 dollar
The second brain was a teachers brain that costs 2500 dollar
The third brain was the brain of a blonde woman that costs a good 9000 dollar
The man asks why the blondes brain is so expensive
The doctor replies: because it's never used
It costs over $235,000 for parents to raise a child today...
And that's just for the alcohol.
Occam's Disposable Razor
When given multiple equally valid choices, choose the one that costs the least money.
A woman goes to the butcher shop to buy some sausages
When she gets them, she notices that they're half pork and half cornmeal. Bringing this up to the butcher, she says, "it's cornmeal on the left and pork on the right!" He tells her "It's to cut costs, ma'am. In this economy, it's so hard to make all ends meat."
It costs over 200,000 dollars to raise a child these days.
And that's just for alcohol.
Parents save more by not vaccinating their children
Baby coffins aren't that expensive compared to the costs of raising a child.
Did you know the entry fee for the Paralympics is really high?
I hear it costs an arm and a leg.
Due to the recession and to save on energy costs,
the light at the end of the tunnel will be turned off.
I know how to lose over 20 lbs instantly
but it costs an arm and a leg
In Jamaica it costs £3 for a steak pie, in Trinidad it's £2.50
These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
Women are like swimming pools..
Their maintenance costs are too high considering the time you spend inside them
How can you tell when you're in a math problem?
Your pickup is full of watermelons, and your need to find out how much orange juice costs.
Paper is getting so expensive these days
With costs like these I'm certain my origami business is gonna fold
My manager asked me if I had prepared my report on how to cut costs at our cookie factory...
Thinking quickly, I told him that we could save money by not fully cooking all our cookies.
It was a half-baked idea, but it turned out to save us a lot of dough.
So I heard Jessica Jones is directed by only Females
Well thats one way of saving 20% on production costs
Y'know, communism is definitely the best system of government.
Nowadays it costs one hundred dollars just to go camping for a night. In the Soviet Union you could go to camp forever, and it was free.
What concert only costs 45cents ?
50 cent, featuring nickel back
A slice of pie costs $3.50 in Barbados,
$3.00 in Saint Lucia, $2.50 in Belize, and $2 in Cuba.
Those are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
A man needs WiFi at the local pub.
A man goes into a local pub and has poor cell signal.
He asks for the WiFi password.
The bartender replies: You need to buy a drink first.
The man says fine and orders a Coke, which costs him $3. He then asks again, what's the WiFi password?
The bartender answers: You need to buy a drink first, all lowercase no spaces.
My baby is costing a fortune in import costs.
It only drinks milk that comes from a broad.
Freedom isn't free.
It costs 1/3 of your salary.
It costs $235,000.....
...to raise a child to adulthood in the United States.
And that's just for the alcohol.
All these women-casted movie reboots
The studios behind the women-casted reboot movies must be making a fortune by cutting their labor costs by 30%
I asked the seller on the black market how much a kidney costs
He said it would be worth an arm and a leg
It only costs 1 penny to get into our local aquarium, as long as you're camping or dressed as a dolphin...
So, to all in tents and porpoises, it's free!
Did you know a Brazilian wax costs $50?
Talk about a rip off
I'm not sure if the US should build a space force
The costs would skyrocket
A pie in Barbados costs $3, meanwhile a pie in Haiti costs £5
These are the pie rates of the Caribbean
Remember when air was free and now it costs $1.50? Do you know why?
Inflation.
A chicken pie in Jamaica costs €2.00 A chicken pie in Trinidad costs €2.15 A chicken pie in St Kitts costs €2.40
These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
What do you call a concert that costs 45 cents?
50 Cent ft. Nickelback
I offer my kids $500 for every A on their report card.It sends the message that education is a priority in our household.
And it costs me absolutely nothing since my kids aren't that bright.
What kind of concert costs 45 cents?
A 50 Cent concert featuring Nickelback
American healthcare costs are out of a control
A simple double amputation cost me an arm and a leg!
It used to be free to fill your tires with air now it costs $1.50!
Now that's what you call inflation!
Which concert costs 45 cents for admission?
50 cent Feat. Nickleback.
I'm still undecided for the upcoming election...
But I've narrowed my choices down to Mexico or Canada based on moving costs.
I s**... identify as a Lootbox
I won't tell you what I'm hiding, it costs too much to open me up, and once you do it's probably not going to be what you want
I was on a trip to Dubai, and in my stay, I met a rich man
Over time, we actually became friends, and he told me about this shoes company he owns.
He said:
Each pair of shoes we manufacture costs us about 2$, and we manage to sell them for 250$
What?! this is insane, why is it so expensive, ? I asked
Well I actually tried to make them cheaper for 25$ each
Then what happend?
People stopped buying them
It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye.
Or a subreddit costs you $70 billion.
My gym membership costs $120 a year.
That's pretty steep considering it's $60 a visit
An apple pie costs $2.50 in Jamaica.
The same apple pie costs $3.00 in the Dominican Republic.
These are the pie rates of the Carribean.
A cemetery raises its costs and blames it on the cost of living
Indeed a grave situation
What's a noodle that only costs one cent?
Penne
I told my gay friend about the rising costs of recreational m**....
He told me that he doesn't need to pay for w**... when he can just go to Afghanistan and get s**... for free.
Another Soviet joke
Nixon is visiting Brezhnev. Brezhnev shows off the newest Soviet technology: a payphone that can call h**.... So Nixon puts in a quarter and calls h**..., talks to the devil Then he returns to the US and is told that the US als has this technology but it costs $1000 per phone call. He gets angry and asks why does it only cost a quarter in the USSR.*sir, you see in the USSR it's a local call.*
Pricey Pies
Did you know a pork pie in Aruba costs $1.50? A cheese and spinach pie will cost you $2.60 in Barbados. An apple pie is only $1.30 in Jamaica whereas a pecan pie will set you back $3.50 in Grenada.
And those are the pie rates of the Carribean.
There's a new company that's planning to feed cows a diet of cannabis mixed in with their food.
They claim that the relaxed cattle produce more milk, and tender meat. The issue is that the legal costs of this are through the roof, and even the best estimates are that they won't turn a profit until 2034. The steaks have never been higher.
Expensive Gym Membership
My gym membership costs $120 a year.
That's pretty steep considering it's $60 a visit
Apparently there's a concert that only costs 45 cents
50 Cent featuring Nickelback
My wife is like a drug
She costs way too much and ruined my life
What concert costs only 45cents?
50cent featuring Nickleback
Air used to be free at the gas station, now it costs 2.50. You want to know why?
Inflation.
A neutron walked into a bar and asked how much a drink costs
The bartender replied, For you, no charge.

