Costs Jokes

Following is our collection of dollars puns and expensive one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Costs jokes for adults, dirty price jokes and clean budget dad gags for kids.

The Best Costs Puns

What concert costs just 45 cents?

50 Cent featuring Nickelback.

In Jamaica, a slice of pie costs $3.50. In the Bahamas, a slice of pie costs $5.50.

These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

1 slice of apple pie will cost you $2.45 in Jamaica. A slice of apple pie costs $3.75 in Trinidad and the same slice costs $4.45 in Barbados.

And those are the Pie-Rates of the Caribbean.

What concert costs 45 cents?

50 Cent feat. Nickelback


Go ahead, down vote me to oblivion

What costs hundreds of millions of dollars but is worthless?

2nd place in a presidential election.


Putting air in your tires used to be free now its costs a dollar...

Its called inflation.

A slice of pie costs $3.50 in Barbados,

$3.00 in Saint Lucia, $2.50 in Belize, and $2 in Cuba.


Those are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

A man needs WiFi at the local pub.

A man goes into a local pub and has poor cell signal.

He asks for the WiFi password.

The bartender replies: You need to buy a drink first.

The man says fine and orders a Coke, which costs him $3. He then asks again, what's the WiFi password?

The bartender answers: You need to buy a drink first, all lowercase no spaces.

It costs over $235,000 for parents to raise a child today...

And that's just for the alcohol.

Did you know that 69 is now 96?

With this worsening economy, it costs a lot more to eat out.

Parents save more by not vaccinating their children

Baby coffins aren't that expensive compared to the costs of raising a child.


Due to the recession and to save on energy costs,

the light at the end of the tunnel will be turned off.

I offer my kids $500 for every A on their report card.It sends the message that education is a priority in our household.

And it costs me absolutely nothing since my kids aren't that bright.

Ferrari

Woman:
Do you drink beer?

Man: Yes

Woman:
How many beers a day?

Man:
Usually about 3

Woman:
How much do you pay per beer?

Man: $5.00 which includes a tip

Woman:
And how long have you been drinking?

Man:
About 20 years, I suppose

Woman:
So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending each
month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately $5400 correct?

Man:
Correct

Woman:
If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past 20
years puts your spending at $108,000, correct?

Man:
Correct

Woman:
Do you know that if you didn't drink so much beer, that money could have
been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for
compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?

Man:
Do you drink beer?

Woman:
No

Man:
Where's your Ferrari?

I saw your "a woman walks into a store joke" and this is mine

A woman walks into a pet store and sees three parrots. She asks the cashier how much is the first parrot and he says, "This parrot costs $500".

"$500? Why is it so expensive?"

"This parrot can dance, sing, say 300 words and can send emails over the web"

"really? wow! and how much for the second one?"

"$2000!"

"$2000?"

"Yes, that parrot can dance, sing, say 1500 words, send emails, browse the web, use twitter and type texts you dictate on a computer"

"Wow, fantastic and what about the third one?"

"The third one costs $200,000".

"$200,000 ???? What does he do to cost that much?"

"absolute nothing."

"Nothing? and why does it costs $200,000"

"because the other two parrots call him boss".

Plane Ride

Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, "Esther, I'd like to ride in that airplane."

Esther always replied, "I know, Morris, but that airplane ride costs fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars."

One year Morris and Esther went to the fair, and Morris said, "Esther, I'm eighty-five years old. If I don't ride that airplane, I might never get another chance."

Esther replied, "Morris, that airplane ride costs fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars."

The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal. I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you; but if you say one word, it's fifty dollars."

Morris and Esther agreed, and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word was spoken. He did all his tricks over again but still not a word. When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, "My, my, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't."

Morris replied, "Well, I was gonna say something when Esther fell out, but fifty dollars is fifty dollars."

More NFL news

NFL CUTS ONE TEAM

The NFL announced today that for financial reasons they had to eliminate one team from the league.

They've decided to combine the Green Bay Packers and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and form one team, causing many layoffs but saving millions of dollars in costs.

They will be known as the TAMPACKS.

Unfortunately, they're only good for one period and have no second string.

A man goes to a psychiatrist and says "Doctor, you gotta help me, my wife thinks she's a piano..."

The doc replies, "Well, bring her in and I'll see what I can do."

The man says, "Are you nuts!? Do you know how much it costs to move a piano??"

So I heard Jessica Jones is directed by only Females

Well thats one way of saving 20% on production costs


Have you heard of divorced barbie? Her set costs $450.

...mostly because it comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, and one of Ken's friends.

I tried joining the American Paralympics team

didn't make it in though. entry costs an arm and a leg.

Job Interview

A games programmer is at a job interview at Electronic Arts.

As the interview comes to an end, the interviewer glances down at the programmer's rΓ©sumΓ© and sees "please turn over" written at the bottom.

He turns the rΓ©sumΓ© over, but finds that the other side is blank.

The interviewer asks, "Where's the rest of your rΓ©sumΓ©?"

The programmer replies, "Oh, that's downloadable content; it costs an extra ten dollars!"

A guy buys a golf course...

It's doing well, but maintenance costs are killing him, so he decides to build 3 robots. They're instantly doing 10 times the work of humans, & he's happy. One day the club pro is teeing off in a money game & gets blinded by the glare from a robot. Its not the first time, & he tells the owner he must fix this issue. He thinks about it, & decides to simply paint the robots black. So the next day two of them don't show up for work & the third one robs the pro shop.

A chicken pie in Jamaica costs €2.00 A chicken pie in Trinidad costs €2.15 A chicken pie in St Kitts costs €2.40

These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

What kind of concert costs 45 cents?

A 50 Cent concert featuring Nickelback

Did you know a Brazilian wax costs $50?

Talk about a rip off

A man in need of a brain

A man was dying in the hospital and he needed a new brain or he wouldn't survive for long, the doctor told him there were 3 available brains but each with a price.

The first one was an professor's brain that costs 3000 dollar

The second brain was a teachers brain that costs 2500 dollar

The third brain was the brain of a blonde woman that costs a good 9000 dollar

The man asks why the blondes brain is so expensive

The doctor replies: because it's never used

I'm still undecided for the upcoming election...

But I've narrowed my choices down to Mexico or Canada based on moving costs.

TIL it costs more money to make a penny than how much it's worth

That makes very little cents

It used to be free to fill your tires with air now it costs $1.50!

Now that's what you call inflation!

Three men share a hotel room

Three men share a hotel room in order to minimize costs, only to find out that the room only has one bed, so they share the bed with each other.

The next morning, the man sleeping on the right side of the bed says, "I had a dream that I got a handjob." The man on the left side of the bed said, "I also had a dream that I got a handjob."

The man sleeping in the middle remarked, "That's weird, I had a dream that I was skiing."

A pie in Barbados costs $3, meanwhile a pie in Haiti costs Β£5

These are the pie rates of the Caribbean

The chancellor of the university is complaining to the dean of physics...

"We need to cut costs!" He says. "All this complex technology you guys use! Why can't you be more like the Maths department? All they need is pencils, paper and wastebaskets!"

"Better still," says the dean of physics, "we could be like the philosophy department. All they need is the pencils and paper."

Y'know, communism is definitely the best system of government.

Nowadays it costs one hundred dollars just to go camping for a night. In the Soviet Union you could go to camp forever, and it was free.

Women are like swimming pools..

Their maintenance costs are too high considering the time you spend inside them

A woman goes to the butcher shop to buy some sausages

When she gets them, she notices that they're half pork and half cornmeal. Bringing this up to the butcher, she says, "it's cornmeal on the left and pork on the right!" He tells her "It's to cut costs, ma'am. In this economy, it's so hard to make all ends meat."

Why are stock traders so good at sex?

Same principal, you gotta pull out at the right moment or it costs you.

What's the difference between an expensive purchase and a loud noise that scares a chicken?

One costs an arm and a leg. The other caused alarm and an egg.

In Jamaica it costs Β£3 for a steak pie, in Trinidad it's Β£2.50

These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

I hear they're now calling it 96 instead of 69

Because it costs more to eat out

I asked the seller on the black market how much a kidney costs

He said it would be worth an arm and a leg

Why do LEGO men hate going to hospital...?

Because plastic surgery costs a fortune!

What concert only costs 45cents ?

50 cent, featuring nickel back

My manager asked me if I had prepared my report on how to cut costs at our cookie factory...

Thinking quickly, I told him that we could save money by not fully cooking all our cookies.
It was a half-baked idea, but it turned out to save us a lot of dough.

American healthcare costs are out of a control

A simple double amputation cost me an arm and a leg!

My baby is costing a fortune in import costs.

It only drinks milk that comes from a broad.

It costs $235,000.....

...to raise a child to adulthood in the United States.

And that's just for the alcohol.

Remember when air was free and now it costs $1.50? Do you know why?

Inflation.

Which concert costs 45 cents for admission?

50 cent Feat. Nickleback.

What costs you more the less you spend on it?

A divorce lawyer.

I know how to lose over 20 lbs instantly

but it costs an arm and a leg

Did you know the entry fee for the Paralympics is really high?

I hear it costs an arm and a leg.

Paper is getting so expensive these days

With costs like these I'm certain my origami business is gonna fold

I'm not sure if the US should build a space force

The costs would skyrocket

Healthcare Costs in America

Freedom isn't free.

It costs 1/3 of your salary.

So the other day I tried to bring 2 dead raccoons on an airplane...

but the lady at the desk told me a second carrion costs extra.

How can you tell when you're in a math problem?

Your pickup is full of watermelons, and your need to find out how much orange juice costs.

It only costs 1 penny to get into our local aquarium, as long as you're camping or dressed as a dolphin...

So, to all in tents and porpoises, it's free!

It costs over 200,000 dollars to raise a child these days.

And that's just for alcohol.

Occam's Disposable Razor

When given multiple equally valid choices, choose the one that costs the least money.

I hate buying from cannibals

it always costs an arm and a leg.

Beside the sidewalk, someone left a plastic bag with a set of German team uniforms inside. Cannot believe that! Just throw it here??!

It costs 50 cents in supermarket for such a big plastic bag!

What do you call a concert that costs 45 cents?

50 Cent ft. Nickelback

All these women-casted movie reboots

The studios behind the women-casted reboot movies must be making a fortune by cutting their labor costs by 30%

There is an abundance of cost jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 65 funniest jokes and costs puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any materialist witze you can hear about costs.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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