Costco Jokes

Following is our collection of dividers puns and walmart one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Costco jokes for adults, dirty cvs jokes and clean checkout dad gags for kids.

The Best Costco Puns

People who eat Tide Pods are idiots.

The Costco brand pods are half the price. Just saying.

After getting lost in the huge Costco, I couldn't find my wife after25 minutes looking for her....

I went up to a very attractive woman and I told her: I lost my wife

The woman looked at me: I don't know how talking to me is going to help you find your wife

I said, just wait 3, 2, 1... my wife rounds the corner, hey honey what are you doing?

The cashier at Costco dared to ask me why I'm buying a giant tub of whiteout.

Big mistake.

Where do you find rappers in the middle of the day?

Costco for all the free samples

Costco has a good deal on Condoms

It's an anti-family pack.

To the lady at Costco with her son on a leash.

I'm sorry that I asked if he was a rescue

Why do pimps like shopping at Costco?

They can buy everything hoesale.

Even though it's a surplus store, I'm pretty proud of myself for going into Costco and purchasing only ONE item.

A single package of 160 AA batteries.

Costco worker asked if I wanna box for my groceries

No bro, I'm just trying to pay for them, everyone's so violent these days.

Why is it so loud in Costco?

Everything comes in high volumes.

When you throw away your receipt before leaving Costco

You can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave

I went to Costco the other day...

As I was checking out the cashier asked me " Do you wanna box?"

I said "No, but I'll wrestle you!"

Costco stock was down today more than $6

Nobody bought their shares in bulk.

I don't have any tattoos and don't I think I'll ever get one. But if I do, I might get a Kirkland Signature logo tramp stamp and I'd get it at Costco.

If I'm not completely satisfied, I'm sure their return policy would cover it. Which would technically be an even bigger tattoo saying RETURN POLICY.

Hillary Clinton is scheduled for a book signing in Brookfield, CT at Costco

Strange that she chose Costco, because Bill prefers BJ's

Why don't old people like shopping at Costco?

Because anything they buy is likely to be a lifetime supply.

What's a pirate's favorite gas station?


What's a pirate's favorite restaurant?

ARRRR by's!

What's a pirate's favorite warehouse store?


You can't beat those prices.

80-year-old's joke overheard at Costco food court

Have you ever seen geese flying in a v formation? Often one side of the v will be longer than the other. Do you know why?


There are more geese on that side of the v.


This old man was dropping tons of jokes in the Costco food court. A few were pretty funny.

Today at Costco...

I bought a Kim Kardashian amount of toilet paper

I wish i could meet mormon chicks at the supermarket

But i don't have a costco membership

I went to Costco and got a lot of food and parts of music.

Samples are really big there.

I get all of my condoms at Costco because when you go through them like I do...

... you need to get them at a place with a good return policy.

What's the difference between an abortion clinic and Costco?

I didn't need a membership for one of them.

What is a mathematicians favorite store?


Had to point out the disaster that happened at Costco today.

I'm just going to run into Costco to buy a couple of things

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Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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