Cost Of Living Jokes
38 cost of living jokes and hilarious cost of living puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about cost of living that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Cost Of Living Short Jokes
Short cost of living jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The cost of living humour may include short costs jokes also.
- Just found out that Norway has the highest cost of living in Europe... There's Norway I could A-Fjord to live there.
- Dwarfism is a growing problem. And with the cost of living going up at the moment, they're really struggling to put food on the table.
- With the cost of living crisis, it has finally happened. The poor are revolting. No surprise really, given the cost of soap now.
- The new Space Force is going to cost the government billions in unforeseen expenses. The military housing allowance will go through the roof because the cost of living in space is astronomical.
- You're my drug Awww, why, because you can't live without me?
No. Because you cost too much and ruin my life . - Costs of living are so high that my wife sleeps with me again She can't afford new pair of batteries
- It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.
- Did you hear that prices are going up all around? They are even charging more for plots at the cemetery. They say it's due to cost of living expenses.
- If you live in the US always be careful to not break your leg because you have to sell it after fixing it to cover the cost
- The cost of living has gotten so high that my wife began having s**... with me again so she wouldn't have to buy batteries.
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Cost Of Living One Liners
Which cost of living one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with cost of living? I can suggest the ones about inflation and due to inflation.
- I don't understand how cemeteries can raise their prices and blame the cost of living
- Despite the cost of living... It still remains so popular.
- A cemetery raises its costs and blames it on the cost of living Indeed a grave situation
- Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
- How do you push the high costs of living out of your way? You just got to budge it!
- Despite the cost of living it's extremely popular Over 7 billion people are doing it
- JOKE OF THE DAY Despite the high cost of living, it still continues to be very popular.
Cost Of Living Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about cost of living you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean wages jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make cost of living pranks.
How to get free internet @ home
I live in an apartment complex so I have neighbors left to right and below me. One day I asked my neighbor if he was interested in splitting the cost of my wifi 50/50 so he could also use it. He agreed. I went on to my other neighbor downstairs and asked him the same thing. Now both my neighbors are paying for my wifi.
God creates Adam
God creates Adam and it was good. After some time God realizes Adam needs a companion and says to him, "Adam, I have decided to give you a companion. I will give you a woman who will love you and live to please you. She will be intelligent, witty, and above all beautiful. She will cook your meals, wash your clothes, and laugh at all of your jokes."
Adam couldn't believe his luck!
God says, "All this will cost you only and arm and a leg." To which Adam replies, "What can I get for a rib?"
The Good Old Days!
Grandpa was always going on about the good old days, and the lower cost of living, in particular to his grandson.
"When I was a kid, my mom could send me to the store, and I'd get a salami, two pints of milk, 6 oranges, 2 loaves o' bread, a magazine, and some new blue jeans... all for a dollar!!
"Grandson, "You can't DO that anymore..... they got those darn video cameras everywhere you look."
Due to the cost of living crisis, a paramedic has had to take a second job as a Buzzfeed writer.
Their first article was on the 2 best forms of resuscitation.
Number 1 was CPR,
Number 2... WILL SHOCK YOU
I can't understand how f**... directors have raised the price of funerals....
By blaming it on the cost of living!
The cost of living has gotten really high.
My wife started having s**... with me again because she can't afford batteries.
The cost of living has now gotten so bad...
...that my wife is having s**... with me because she can't afford batteries.
What do you call the place where bad noodles live?
The Spaghetto
What do you call noodles who can't remember anything?
Forgetti
I'd like to apologize for wasting your time with these terrible jokes, just trying to get pasta really boring morning.
I hope my internet points don't take a hit too, that would cost me a pretty penne.
At a welcome seminar at a senior assisted living facility...
...the manager addressed all the new seniors pointing out some of the rules: "The female sleeping quarters will be of limits for all males, and likewise the male dormitory to the females.
Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time".
He continued "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $180. Are there any questions?"
At this point, an older gentleman stood up in the crowd inquired... "How much for a season pass?"
God offers the ten commandments
God went to the Arabs and said: "I have Commandments that'll make your lives better."
The Arabs asked: "What are they, can you give us an example?"
God said: "Thou shall not kill."
The Arab were shocked and refused Gods offering
So he went to the Mexicans and said: "I have commandments that'll make your lives better."
When asked for an example God said: "Thou shall not steal."
The Mexicans were insulted and refused.
Lastly, God went to the Jews: "I have Co..."
Before he could finish the Jews blasted out: "HOW MUCH DO THEY COST??"
God replied: "Nothing, they're free."
The Jews answered: "Good, we shall take ten!"
A couple are in bed...
Laying in bed, a husband asks his wife, "Honey, if I died, would you remarry?"
"After a considerable period of grieving, I guess I would. We all need companionship."
"If I died and you remarried," the husband asks, "would he live in this house?"
"We've spent a lot of money getting this house just the way we want it. I'm not going to get rid of my house. I guess he would."
"If I died and you remarried, and he lived in this house," the husband asks, "would he sleep in our bed?"
"Well, the bed is brand new, and it cost us $2000. It's going to last a long time, so I guess he would have to."
"What about playing golf, would you play golf with him?"
"I love golf, so sure, I would play golf with him."
"Would he use my golf clubs?"
"Oh, no!" the wife replies. "He's left-handed!"
Father Knows Best!
An 18 year old Italian girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for 2 months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drug store and buys a pregnancy kit.
The test result shows that the girl is pregnant! Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!"
The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the of the Ferrari and enters the house.
He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them: "Good morning; your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life.
Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, a beach house, 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beachfront villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account.
If a boy is born, my legacy will be two factories and a $4,000,000 bank account. If twins, they each will receive a factory and $2,000,000.
However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?" At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "You f*** her again."
Italian Pregnancy
An 18 year old Italian girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for 2 months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit
The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.
Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says,
'Who wasa the pig that did this to you? I want to know!'
The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.
Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house.
A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of a Ferrari and enters the house.
He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them:
'Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem.
I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge.
I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life.
Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, 2 retail stores, a townhouse,
a beach-front villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account...
If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000 bank account.
If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each..
However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?'
At this point, the father, who had remained silent holding a shotgun, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder, looks him directly in the eyes and tells him
"You a gonna try again!"
A sixteen year-old boy came home with a new Chevrolet Avalanche and his parents began to yell and scream, "Where did you get that truck?!" He calmly told them, "I bought it today."
"With what money?" demanded his parents.
They knew what a Chevrolet Avalanche cost.
"Well," said the boy, "this one cost me just fifteen dollars."
So the parents began to yell even louder.
"Who would sell a truck like that for fifteen dollars?" they said.
"It was the lady up the street," said the boy. I don"t know her name - they just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy a Chevrolet Avalanche for fifteen dollars."
"Oh my Goodness!," moaned the mother, "she must be a child abuser. Who knows what she will do next? John, you go right up there and see what"s going on."
So the boy"s father walked up the street to the house where the lady lived and found her out in the yard calmly planting petunias!
He introduced himself as the father of the boy to whom she had sold a new Chevrolet Avalanche for fifteen dollars and demanded to know why she did it.
"Well," she said, "this morning I got a phone call from my husband. "I thought he was on a business trip, but learned from a friend he had run off to Hawaii with his mistress and really doesn"t intend to come back."
"He claimed he was stranded and needed cash, and asked me to sell his new Chevrolet Avalanche and send him the money.
So I did."