cost Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious cost puns

The sex position formerly known as 69 is now called 96.

Due to the economy, the cost of eating out has gone up.

👍🏼

Trump's wall will cost 21.6 billion, Nasa's budget is only 19 billion

Probably because Mexico has more aliens

👍🏼

I accidentally sent a dick pic to everyone in my address book.

Not only was it embarrassing, but it also cost me a fortune in stamps.

👍🏼

1 slice of apple pie will cost you $2.45 in Jamaica. A slice of apple pie costs $3.75 in Trinidad and the same slice costs $4.45 in Barbados.

And those are the Pie-Rates of the Caribbean.

👍🏼

How much does Santa's sleigh cost?

$0, it's on the house.




**people keep saying dad joke, funny thing is my mom actually told me this 😂**

👍🏼

TIFU by sending my nudes to everyone in my address book

Cost me a fortune in stamps

👍🏼

So God creates Adam...

...and soon after he notices that Adam is lonely.

God says "Do not fear, my child. For I will create a partner to accompany you and man from this time forth. She will be known, as a woman."

God continues "She will be obedient, loyal, passionate and nurturing."

Adam hesitates..

"What is this gonna cost me?" Adam asks.

God responds "An arm and a leg."

Adam retorts "What can I get for a rib?"

👍🏼

I don't understand why some people say, "Taco Bell isn't real Mexican."

It gets the job done for less than half the cost. That's about as Mexican as it gets.

👍🏼

My wife wasn't happy.

True story: I was at the store with my son and my wife. I have a habit of flipping my wedding ring in the air like a coin and catching it. My son saw me do it and tried to grab it in mid air, causing it to fall to the ground. He scrambled to get it and I said, "Son, hand me that! It's expensive!"

My son asked me, "how much did it cost, dad?"

I replied, "my life."

👍🏼

What costs hundreds of millions of dollars but is worthless?

2nd place in a presidential election.

👍🏼

The costume party (Sorry if this is a repost. Best joke I know.)

A man, lets call him jim, goes to his buddys costume party wearing nothing but a pair of pants.
Jim's friend walks over to him and says "hey, jim... uh what are you supposed to be?"
Jim smiles and says "well im a premature ejaculation."
His friend looks puzzled and asks "okay, well why arent you wearing any shoes... or a shirt?"
Jim laughs and says "I just came in my pants!"

👍🏼

"The total cost would be £3000," said the funeral director.

"And that includes digging the grave."

"Is that the whole thing?" I asked.

He replied, "Yes, that's the hole thing."

👍🏼

God said to Adam "I'm going to make you a woman"

God: "She's going to clean for you, cook anything you want whenever you want it, always look beautiful, never be bad tempered, give you children, always obedient, and she'll never argue with you."
Adam: "That sounds great, but what'll it cost me?"
God: "Oh, an arm and a leg."
Adam: "That's a bit steep. What can I get for a rib?"

👍🏼

I'm definitely the loser if I run over a deer. It's going to cost me hundreds of dollars.

But nature is only out a buck.

👍🏼

A joke from my dad: A man goes to a lawyer to ask a few legal questions...

The man says to the lawyer "How much would it cost to ask you a few questions?"

The lawyer says "I charge $400 for three questions."

"That's a bit expensive isn't it?"

"Yep. What's your third question?"

👍🏼

Yesterday, I accidentally sent a picture of my dick to everyone in my address book

Not only was it embarrassing but it cost a fortune in stamps

👍🏼

I accidentally sent a picture of my cock to everyone in my address book the other day...

It cost me a fortune in stamps.

👍🏼

When I go to a costume party this year, I'm showing up wearing only a pair of jeans.

That way when I'm asked what my costume is, I'll say "I'm a premature ejaculator. I just came in my pants."

👍🏼

A factory owner is trying to come up with innovative ideas to save money and therefor save his business from going under.

The owner calls a meeting with all of his 200 employees out on the plant floor.
"Ok everyone, we are in deep trouble. I will give $2000 dollars to the first person that comes to me with a cost saving idea."
Immediately a guy in the front row shoots up his hand.
Owner says "Yes, Barry. That was fast, what's your cost saving plan?"

Barry says "make it $1000".

👍🏼

iBoob

Apple Computer announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play high fidelity music in women's breast implants. The iBoob will cost between $499 and $699, depending on the speaker size. This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women have always complained about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

👍🏼

How much do used batteries cost?

Nothing, they are free of charge.

👍🏼

I accidentally sent a naked picture of myself to everyone in my address book...

Not only was it embarrassing, but it cost me a fortune in stamps.

👍🏼

Don't vaccinate your kids...

Smaller coffins cost less than bigger ones.

👍🏼

My friend took his grandmother to one of those health spas where tiny fish eat all the dead skin...

It cost him $300, but it was a lot cheaper than a funeral...

👍🏼

Why does it cost $1.50 now to put air in my tires?

Inflation?

👍🏼

I went to fill up my tires and it cost a dollar.

It used to cost a quarter but I guess that's inflation for you.

👍🏼

I accidentally sent a photo of my penis to everyone in my address book.

Not only was it really embarrassing but it cost a fortune in stamps.

👍🏼

It costs over $235,000 for parents to raise a child today...

And that's just for the alcohol.

👍🏼

It was going to cost me $700 to put down my dog

So I booked a United flight instead

👍🏼

In the toy shop in my area, packet balloons cost $0.10 each, but $10 when filled with air?

God damn inflation.

👍🏼

I accidentally sent a dick pic to everyone in my address book.

Not only was I embarrassed it cost me more than $50 in stamps.

👍🏼

Vader has a pretty sweet suit.

It must have cost at least an arm and a leg.

👍🏼

How to get free internet @ home

I live in an apartment complex so I have neighbors left to right and below me. One day I asked my neighbor if he was interested in splitting the cost of my wifi 50/50 so he could also use it. He agreed. I went on to my other neighbor downstairs and asked him the same thing. Now both my neighbors are paying for my wifi.

👍🏼

My dad bought himself a new hearing aid.

"It's state of the art," he boasted. "Cost me a fortune."

"Awesome," I replied. "What kind is it?"

"Two-thirty."

👍🏼

What does a prostitute and a bungee jump have in common?

They both cost a lot, last 5 seconds, and if the rubber splits you're fucked.

👍🏼

What are the most funny Cost jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Cost? Well, here are the best Cost dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Cost pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes