Cosmetic Jokes
30 cosmetic jokes and hilarious cosmetic puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about cosmetic that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laughter is the best medicine and that even applies to cosmetic surgery! Get ready for some light-hearted, funny jokes about cosmetic surgery, bras, retina and sever. Get ready to laugh and giggle!
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Funniest Cosmetic Short Jokes
Short cosmetic jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The cosmetic humour may include short makeup jokes also.
- Cosmetic surgery used to be such a sensitive subject. But now when you make jokes about botox, nobody lifts an eyebrow.
- A man walks into a cosmetic store and asks.. Man: How much for that funny spray that makes people smell better?
Worker: Perfume?
Man: No, per bottle would be nice - There's a new cosmetic surgery that makes you look like an Eskimo. You might wanna look Inuit.
- I don't waste my money on mobile games, microtransactions, cosmetic game skins and so on... I save my money for more important things in life, like donating to my future wife on Twitch.
- Pete Townshend and Keith Moon were arrested last night after releasing 1000 pugs from a cosmetic company's testing facility. The Who let the dogs out.
- When I was young, I really wanted to work with animals But I just couldn't get a job in cosmetics
- Q: Why aren't cosmetics students scared of missing their exams? A: Because they like to take makeup tests!
- I'm not saying cosmetic surgery cured my depression But it definitely put a smile on my face.
- A person decided to go to a cosmetic surgeon for a face lift and the surgeon said, "You're beautiful just the way you are." "After the surgery, of course."
- I heard in the news that thay've found harmful materials in cosmetics and childrens crayons, but in the defense of the big corporations... They're doing asbestos they can.
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Cosmetic One Liners
Which cosmetic one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with cosmetic? I can suggest the ones about plastic surgery and beauty.
- If anyone knows how to correct cosmetic surgery that's gone horribly wrong? I'm all ears.
- I use alcohol as a cosmetic. Applying it to other peoples faces, makes mine look better.
- Why aren't cosmetic students afraid of missing their exams? They love make up tests!
- Did you hear about the blonde who brought her cosmetics with her for a make-up exam?
- Why is God's cosmetics budget so low? He's already all made-up.
- Why did the lady take so long deciding what to buy in the cosmetics store?
- How much do cosmetics sell for? Face value.
- The most beautiful makeup of a woman is passion. But cosmetics are easier to buy.
- Where does Optimus Prime go for cosmetic repairs? To the autobotty shop!
Cosmetic Surgery Jokes
Here is a list of funny cosmetic surgery jokes and even better cosmetic surgery puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A rich friend of mine had lots of cosmetic surgery and even had a number of her organs repositioned. Still, her heart's in the right place.
- Cosmetic surgery used to be such a t**... subject. Now when you talk about botox no one raises an eyebrow
- Cosmetic surgery used to be a t**... subject... Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.
- Cosmetic surgery used to be a pretty t**... subject Now you mention botox, and nobody raises an eyebrow.
Amusing & Witty Cosmetic Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun
What funny jokes about cosmetic you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean mascara jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make cosmetic pranks.
Joke translated to English from German
A blonde is driving home when she gets pulled over by a police officer.
"Mam, may i see you driving license?!"
"What's a driving license? "
"You know this thing in your purse with your face on..."
She starts digging through her purse, finds her cosmetic mirror, and hands it over to the policeman.
The policeman takes a look at the mirror and responds-
"Should have told me right away your a police officer too "
Returning on Investment
After being away on buisness, Tim thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift.
"How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk.
She showed him a bottle costing $50. "That's a bit much," said Tim, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.
"That's still quite a bit," Tim complained.
Growing annoyed, the clerk brought out a tiny $15 bottle.
"What I mean," said Tim, "is I'd like to see something really cheap."
The clerk handed him a mirror.
Gaming s**... Robot
I brought a s**... robot from EA and it's so realistic. It wont have s**... with me until I buy Cosmetic Item add-ons.
How Old
His wife had just bought a new line of expensive cosmetics absolutely guaranteed to make her looks years longer. She sat in front of the mirror for what had to be hours applying the "miracle" products.
Finally, when she was done, she turned to her husband and said, "Honey, honestly now, what age would you say I am?" He nodded his head in assessment, and carefully said, "Well, judging from your skin, 20. Your hair, 18. Your figure, 25." "Oh, you're so sweet!" the wife said.
"Well, hang on," said the husband, "I'm not done adding it up yet."
Women can't say no to three things;
Shoes, bags, chocolate, diamonds, clothes, perfume, food, flowers, money, cosmetics, attention, romance, kindness, adventure, affection, unpredictability, confidence, humor, ice cream, shopping, free drinks..
Surgery
After her fifth child, Jane decided that she should have some cosmetic surgery "down below" to restore herself to her former youthful glory because her gammon was dangling a bit too low and looked like a ripped out fireplace. Time and childbirth had taken its toll and she reckoned that, with five children now being the limit, she'd tidy things with a n**... here and a tuck there so it looked more like a piggy bank slot rather than a badly packed kebab.
Following the operation she awoke from her anaesthetic to find three roses at the end of the bed.
"Who are these from?" she asked the nurse, "They're very nice but I'm a bit confused as to why I've received them". "Well" said the nurse, "The first is from the surgeon - the operation went so well and you were such a model patient that he wanted to say thanks".
"Ah, that's really nice" said Jane.
"The second is from your husband - he's delighted the operation was such a success that he can't wait to get you home. Apparently it'll be the first time he's touched the sides for years and he's very excited!".
"Brilliant!" said Jane." "And the third?".
"That's from Eric in the burns unit" said the nurse..............he just wanted to say thanks for his new ears."
