Correct Jokes
183 correct jokes and hilarious correct puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about correct that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Do you think you know what it means to have a "correct" joke? With this article, find out the many different definitions of a "correct" joke, such as politically correct, technically correct, and the most accurate way to deliver a joke correctly or incorrectly. Discover the secrets to a successful joke and make sure you're scoring laughs with the correct pronunciation of words.
Quick Jump To
- Short Correct Jokes
- Correct One Liners
- Correct Answer Jokes
- Politically Correct Jokes
- Not Politically Correct Jokes
- Auto Correct Jokes
- More Correct Jokes
Funniest Correct Short Jokes
Short correct jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The correct humour may include short proper jokes also.
- I called two girls hipsters and got slapped. Apparently the correct term is "conjoined twins".
- I got fired from my job because I kept asking my customers whether they would prefer Smoking or Non-smoking . Apparently the correct terms are Cremation and Burial .
- I angered two people by calling them hipsters... Apparently the correct term is conjoined twins.
- My friend gets really upset when I call him a flat-Earther He says the correct term is bulldozer operator.
- I hate how politically correct the world is these days, you can't even say black paint You have to say
Leroy, please paint that wall - Fun fact: "sugar" is the only word in the English language where "su-" makes a "sh" sound. . . At least, I'm pretty sure that's correct.
- Me: The earth isn't flat! fiat earther: correct
me: huh?
fiat earther: it's the shape of an Italian car
me: what?
fiat earther: you read my name wrong didn't you? - 62% of Kentuckians pronounce their state capital "Loo-uh-vul", while 38% say "Loo-ee-ville". Unfortunately, the correct answer is Frankfort.
- 4th of July, The only time of the year Americans say the day and month in the correct order.
- My daughter said she needed adult supervision I told her she'd have to find someone else because I wear corrective lenses
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Correct One Liners
Which correct one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with correct? I can suggest the ones about perfect and exact.
- Fun fact: You can't breathe correctly while smiling Just kidding, I made you smile :)
- Teacher: What is 117 + 3? Johny: 5!
Teacher: Correct.. - The inventor of auto-correct has died his funnel is tomato
- We'll we'll we'll If it isn't auto correct.
- I admit I was wrong about how good my chiropractor is. I stand corrected.
- What's the correct way to pronounce nihilism? Doesn't matter.
- I didn't think my doctor could fix my bowed legs. I stand corrected.
- Auto-correct walks into a bar... And the batman says, 'why the log fence?'
- I'm giving up alcohol for a month!!! Correction: I'm giving up! Alcohol for a month!!
- The only way to spell incorrectly correctly Is to spell it incorrectly.
- I used to hate chiropractors until I went to see one for my back Now I stand corrected
- "I stand corrected" Says the man wearing orthopedic shoes
- I used to think chiropractic adjustments didn't work. I stand corrected
- I thought chiropractors were a waste of money But I stand corrected.
- I bought a 5 gallon drum of correction fluid the other day. Big mistake.
Correct Answer Jokes
Here is a list of funny correct answer jokes and even better correct answer puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- So I was in math class when the teacher asked me what comes after 69. Apparently, "I do." is not the correct answer.
- So, my lesbian friend asked how I view lesbian relationships. In Hd was not the correct answer.
- My wife once asked me if I would ever sleep with her sister if we split up. Which sister? is not the correct answer.
- My wife asked me what I thought the sexiest thing was about her. Apparently, "how much you look like your sister" was not the correct answer.
- My girlfriend just asked how mature I was on a scale of 1 to 100.. ..apparently 69 was not the correct answer.
- I failed my Health and safety Test today apparently when they ask what steps you should take in case of a fire, large ones was not the correct answer
- I failed my AP Biology test... They asked; "what is something commonly found in cells?"
Apparently black people wasn't the correct answer - I failed my biology test today. The question was: "What is commonly found in cells?"
Apparently, "African Americans" wasn't the correct answer. - Today I Failed my Biology Test. One of the questions asked. What are normally found inside cells?
Apparently, 'Black People' was not the correct answer. - My wife asked what I'd do without her. Apparently "live happily ever after" wasn't the correct answer.
Politically Correct Jokes
Here is a list of funny politically correct jokes and even better politically correct puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Hipsters I had the joy of meeting a couple of hipsters today, and they yelled at me for making fun of them. Apparently the politically correct term is "conjoined twins".
- Someone called me racist for saying "black paint" Apparently the politically correct term is "Tyrone, please paint the fence".
- Apparently saying "Black Paint" is not politically correct, The right way to say it is "Tyrone, please paint the wall"
- People today are so politically correct. You can't even say black paint, You have to say "Leeroy, please paint my fence."
- I hate how politically correct the world is today Instead of saying "Black paint" I now have to say "Jamal please paint"
- Hippies. Had the pleasure to meet a couple of hippies today, and they hooted at me for making fun of them. Apparently the politically correct term was 'conjoined twins'.
- Everything's so politically correct nowadays that you can't even say "black paint." Instead you have to say "Jamaal please paint my fence."
- With all the politically correct agenda these days, you can't even say Black Paint! You have to say, Leroy, please paint my fence!
- The world is so politically correct these days. You used to be able to say "black paint." Now it has to be "Jamal can you please paint my wall?"
- I hate all the political correctness these days, I can't even say "black paint" anymore. Now I have to say "Tyrone please paint the fence."
Not Politically Correct Jokes
Here is a list of funny not politically correct jokes and even better not politically correct puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- The world is becoming too politically correct You can't even say black paint anymore, instead you have to say "Lamar can you please paint the fence".
- Political correctness gone mad. I can't even refer to my own child as my disabled son.
Apparently it's my "daughter." - Political Correctness has gone mad... You can't even say "Black paint" anymore, you have to say "Jamal would you please kindly help me paint my fence."
- It may not be "politically correct" to say this... ...but there are over one million U.S Senators.
- These days you can't even say "blackboard" anymore. The politically correct term is: "Jamal, get on my ship."
- Everything has to be politically correct nowadays.. Back in the day you could say black paint, nowadays you have to say 'Jerome, please paint the fence.'
- Black paint Political correctness has gone to far these days. You cant even say black paint any more, you have to say "Tyrone, please will you paint my house?"
- TIL that it's not politically correct to say someone is gay... The preferred term is "Navy enlisted personnel."
- Political correctness has reached the level of absurdity For example, we can't say brown paint. Instead we should say "please paint that wall, Jose"
- Everyone's so politically correct these days. You can't even say "black paint" anymore. You have to say "Tyrone, would you kindly paint my fence?"
Auto Correct Jokes
Here is a list of funny auto correct jokes and even better auto correct puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Doctor: I'm sorry John, but you suffer from Auto Correct Syndrome John: I didn't even know I was I'll
- Doctor: I'm afraid you're suffering from Auto Correct Syndrome Patient: I didn't even know I was I'll
- If I ever opened a car repair shop, I would call it "Auto-Correct". Then I'd paint the floor with those red squiggly lines...
- A Priest a rabbit and a Minister walk into a bar. The bartender asks the rabbit,what'll you have? The rabbit says" I don't know I'm only here because of auto correct".
- Auto-correct is so crazy now a days... My mom meant to text me 'I love you' but it auto corrected to 'You're a disappointment.'
- The guy who invented auto-correct for smart phones passed away today. Restaurant in peace.
- Def Leopard is the safest band to air drum to while driving Because you can keep one hand on the steering wheel.
Yeah, I know its Def Leppard, auto correct messed that up for me. - The man who invented auto-correct has suddenly past away... His funfair is next monkey...
- Auto correct got me arrested while proclaiming my love to my crush. Apparently there is no explanation for saying "I wish you were nine."
- The inventor of auto-correct has died His funfair will be next monkey.
Happy Correct Jokes for a Lighthearted Night with Friends
What funny jokes about correct you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean true jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make correct pranks.
Trump should not have said "s**...-hole countries".
The correct term is "t**...-world countries".
Joe took his blind date, Kim, to the carnival...
"What would you like to do first, Kim?" asked Joe. "I want to get weighed," said Kim, and so they ambled over to the 'guess-the-weight' stand. The owner guessed 121 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize.
Next the couple went on the Ferris wheel. When the ride was over, Joe again asked Kim what she would like to do. "I want to get weighed," she said. And back to the 'guess-the-weight' stand they went. Since they had been here before, he guessed her correct weight, and Joe lost his dollar.
The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to next. "I want to get weighed," she responded. By this time, Joe figured she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake. Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How'd it go?" Kim responded, "Oh, Waura, it was wousy."
Guy can tell how any animal was killed
Guy walks into a bar and says: While I am blindfolded, I can feel the pelt of any animal and tell you how it was killed.
People start betting, the guy is blindfolded and given the first pelt (this bar has them for some reason).
the man holds the pelt and fingers the bullet hole, then says: this is a polar bear and it was killed .30-06! He is correct!
the next pelt is handed to him. He feels it and finds the bullet hole. then he says: This is a muskrat and it was killed by a .22! He is correct! Everyone cheers, beers are bought and a good time is had by all.
the next morning, the man wakes up in his own bed next to his wife but he now has a black eye and a headache. He wakes his wife and asks what happened with his new shiner. she says that she gave it to him. he asks why. well, she says, last night you came home drunk, and stuck your hand down my pants. then you yelled in my ear: **SKUNK, KILLED BY AX.**
A researcher carrying out a phone survey on marital s**......
phoned one of the participants to check on a discrepancy. He asked the husband: "In response to the question on frequency of i**..., you answered 'once a week,' but your wife answered 'several times a night.'"
"That's correct," said the husband. "And that's the way it's going to be until the mortgage is paid off."
What is the saddest thing in you're life?
That you clicked on this link only to correct my grammer....
The Carnival Date
Jesse took his blind date to the carnival. "What would you like to do first, Amber?" asked Jesse.
"I want to get weighed," replied Amber.
They ambled over to the weight guesser. He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize.
Next, the couple went on the Ferris Wheel. When the ride was over, Jesse again asked Amber what she would like to do. "I want to get weighed," she said.
Back to the weight guesser they went. Since they had been there before, he guessed her correct weight, and Jesse lost his dollar.
By this time, Jesse figured that she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake.
Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How did it go?"
Amber responded, "Oh, Waura. It was wousy."
Apparently the most common surname In China is Chang.
...correct me if you think that's Wong.
So Juan, Pablo, and Jose are all attempting to cross the border legally...
A border guard stops when he sees only one of them has the correct papers, and says
'Whoa whoa whoa there can be only Juan!'
I'll see myself out
I took my Biology exam last Friday
I was asked to name two things commonly found in cells. Apparently "b**..." and "Mexicans" were NOT the correct answers.
I hate how politically correct the world is becoming...
No longer am I allowed to say "black paint." Now I have to say "Tyrone can you please paint."
5 boxes for a dollar...
A woman walks into a drug store to buy tampons. She notices a group of tampons stacked on a table in the corner with a sign on them saying, "5 boxes for a dollar."
Well, the woman just can't believe this price so she asks the clerk if it was correct.
He replies, "Oh yes, 5 for a dollar."
She says, "That can't be right!"
The clerk responds, "Oh yes, it's right!! 5 boxes for a dollar, no strings attached."
A Chinese couple named Mr. and Mrs. Wong went to the hospital to have a baby...
Mrs. Wong had the baby soon after they arrived, and after they got to see their child, a nurse took it away for medical examinations. When she returned, she was carrying a white baby, not an Asian one. Mr. Wong was surprised and a little annoyed at the mistake and curtly told the nurse to go back and get their actual baby. The nurse insisted that it was the correct child, but Mr. Wong was positive that a mistake had been made, because, as he put it, "Two Wongs don't make a white."
Ferrari
Woman:
Do you drink beer?
Man: Yes
Woman:
How many beers a day?
Man:
Usually about 3
Woman:
How much do you pay per beer?
Man: $5.00 which includes a tip
Woman:
And how long have you been drinking?
Man:
About 20 years, I suppose
Woman:
So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending each
month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately $5400 correct?
Man:
Correct
Woman:
If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past 20
years puts your spending at $108,000, correct?
Man:
Correct
Woman:
Do you know that if you didn't drink so much beer, that money could have
been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for
compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?
Man:
Do you drink beer?
Woman:
No
Man:
Where's your Ferrari?
A little Johnny...
One day in math class little Johnny's teacher asked him to look out the window, where three birds were sitting on a fence. She then asks "Johnny, if I shoot one of those birds how many are left?" Johnny replies "None, they would all have flown away when they heard the gun shot." The teacher smiles and says "The correct answer was two, but I like the way you think."
Johnny looks at the teacher and says "I have a question for you." "There are three women in an ice cream shop and they all have an ice cream cone, one is l**... it, one is biting it, and one is s**... it, which one is married?" The teach thinks about it a bit and says "The one s**... it." Johnny looks at her and say "The right answer was the one wearing the wedding ring, but I like the way you think."
A man finds a genie who claims to be all-knowing...
The genie says the man may ask him one question, about anything he could possibly imagine, and he will answer truthfully.
The man, amazed, replies, "wow, and you'll know the correct answer to literally any question I ask?"
The genie answers, "yes." And disappears.
how many corrections officers does it take to throw an inmate down the stairs?
none he fell
Dementia
Three older men are undergoing a memory test at the doctor's office. The Doctor asks, "What is three times three?"
The first man answers, "274."
The second man answers, "Tuesday."
The third man answers, "Nine."
The doctor pleasantly surprised at the third man's correct response, inquires, "Great! How did you get that answer?"
"Simple. Just subtract 274 from Tuesday."
the most famous person in the history of the world
The teacher addressed his class,"I'll give five dollars to anybody who can name the most famous person in the history of the world."
An Irish boy raised his hand and said,"St. Patrick."
"Sorry Seamus, that's not correct."
Then a French boy raised his hand and said,"Napoleon."
The teacher replied,"I'm sorry, Jean, that's not right either."
Finally, a Jewish boy raised his hand and answered,"Jesus Christ."
"That's right, David! You win the five dollars. Congratulations!" As the teacher was handing over the cash he said,"You know David, I'm surprised you said Jesus Christ."
"Yeah, in my heart I knew it was Moses. But business is business."
A feminist asked me how I view l**...
In HD was apparently not the correct answer.
A feminist and a linguist walk into a bar
They sit down and begin a conversation.
The linguist asks, "Do you have any siblings?"
The feminist replies, "Yes, I have a sister. I'm very close with she."
The linguist, confused, tries to correct her. "Don't you mean 'with her'?"
The feminist is outraged and screams, "Stop objectifying women!"
s**... after Surgery
A recent article in the Dominion Post reported that a woman has sued Wellington Hospital, saying that after her husband had surgery there, he lost all interest in s**....
A hospital spokesman replied: "Your husband was admitted for cataract surgery. All we did was correct his eyesight!"
Apparently it's no longer politically correct to direct a joke at any racial or ethic minority, so...
An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Gurkha, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, two Kiwis, a German, an American, a South African, a Cypriot, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, a Dane, a Romani, a Bulgarian, a Swiss, a Greek, a Bulgarian, a Singaporean, a Norwegian, a Libyan, a Hindu, a Muslim, a Monk, an Italian, a Serb, a Russian and an Ethiopian went to a bar.
The bouncer said, "I'm sorry, you can't come in here without a Thai"
I almost got killed because my Superman cloak wasn't the correct size.
It was a narrow "S" cape.
A teacher is asking children how their weekend went...
And young Johnny said, "It was great, Miss! Me and my Dad went to the outback! We stuck big sticks of dynamite up cane toads' arses!"
The teacher replies, "Johnny! The correct term is r**...'."
"That's right, Miss! Wrecked 'em! Blew 'em to bits!"
A blond is tired
A blond gets tired of blond jokes, so she dyes her hair. She goes for a ride and comes across a farmer with a flock of sheep. She asks the farmer, "If I can guess the exact number of sheep in your flock, can I take one home?" The farmer accepts. The blond guesses, "382". The farmer says, "Wow, that's correct. Pick any one you want!" She looks over the entire flock before picking one and putting it in her car. The farmer then says, "I have an offer for you. If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"
I cant stand this politically correct society much longer. I can't even order coffee anymore.
I used to go to the store and just say "I'll take my coffee black." Now I have to say "I'll take my coffee jeniqua."
How does an ant put on a tie?
With a considerable deal of practice and skill and the correct combination of knots in the tie so it can properly be secured on the neck. It's an ant-tie joke.
My wife asked me what her favorite type of flower was.
Apparently "All-Purpose" wasn't the correct answer.
I Am Using Your Wife.
A man received message from his neighbour.
Sorry sir I am using your wife.
I am using day and night.
I am using when u r not present at home.
In fact I am using more than U R using.
I confess this because now I feel very much guilt.
Hope U will accept my sincere apologies.
Man went home and had a big fight with his wife.
Few minutes later he received another massage.
Sorry Sir spelling / auto correct mistake ...
it's not wife but WIFI.
Someone asked me how I view Lesbian relationships...
and apparently, "in HD" wasn't the correct answer.
I hate how politically correct we have become as a society ...
You can't even say black paint anymore. Now you have to say, "Jamal kindly paint my house?"
Today a Gender Studies student asked me how our society viewed l**...
Apparently, in HD wasn't the correct answer.
Time to update my display to 4K.
Steps on how to survive being stranded on a dessert island.
1) Check spelling.
2) If correct, enjoy.
So a scientist creates a robot
And he asks the robot, "can you feel pain"
The robot says, "yes however not like a normal human, I feel everything deeper and in slow motion."
"my god that's horrible that can't be true!"
"You're correct it isn't true, however we do have a dark sense of humor."
I don't think it's correct to call them grammar n**... anymore...
They seem to prefer the label "alt-write" nowadays.
A cop pulls over a s**...
The cop looks at him and asks "How high are you?" to which the s**... replies "No officer, the correct way to say it is Hi how are you."
How many vegans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two. One to screw in the light bulb and one to tell you they are vegans.
.......
Well apparently the correct answer is three. The extra one is needed to post whiny replies when they all get triggered by this joke.
How do you fit an elephant into a subway?
You take the S out of Sub and the F out of Way.
"There's no F in Way"
Correct!
After s**... with my new girlfriend last night she snuggled up next to me and said, "You are definitely the biggest I've ever had."
Apparently "ditto" wasn't the correct response.
Thanks for the updates friends, I just don't know how people get those yellowish stars and would really like to learn.
[edit] Thank you for the gold kind stranger.
Board Game Shop
Me: I want a dice.
Clerk: The correct term is 'die'.
Me: I want 2 die.
Clerk: Plural is dice, alone it's die.
Me: I want 2 die alone.
My wife is an English teacher
She always corrects my grammar while having s**.... I'll go "s**... it good" and she'll reply "it's s**... it well!". I'll say "Who's your daddy" and she'll correct "who's your dad".
She gets particularly annoyed about my improper use of colon.
What is a word that starts with W.
Correct.
The CEO of Pepsi was fired this morning.
They found trace amounts of Coke in *her system.
*I have to be factually correct.
Some pronounce it as gif, others say gif but the correct way is actually
gif
I got fired on the first day of my new job for asking customers if they would prefer "Smoking or Non-Smoking."
Apparently, the correct phrase is, "Cremation or Burial."
TIL "Sugar" is the only "su"-word in the english language that makes the "sh"-sound!
(I haven't actually fact-checked this one, but I'm pretty sure it's correct)
The teacher tells little Jack, "I'm going to describe an animal and you have to guess what it is."
"It lives on a farm and gives milk"
"A cow?"
"That's correct too, but I meant a goat. What lives on a farm, has feathers and lays eggs?"
"A chicken"
"That's correct too but I meant a duck."
Little Jack, getting annoyed, asks the teacher: "What goes into your mouth hard, and comes out soft and wet?"
The teacher starts blushing.
"That's correct too but I meant chewing gum."
I don't need s**... because....
My auto correct ducks me daily.
I had s**... with my new girlfriend for the first time last night.
When we finished, she rolled off of me and said "wow, you're by far the biggest I've ever had!" Apparently "ditto" wasn't the correct response.
A student receives a bad grade on his exam
And he goes to talk to the teacher, convinced that he's been graded unfairly.
He says to the teacher "I think I deserve some points on these questions, even if my answers weren't entirely correct!"
The teacher sighs and says "ok, I'll take another look at your exam".
The student comes home, and his mother asks him "so how did the exam go?". He replies: "the teacher thought it was remarkable!'
