Correctly Answered Jokes
84 correctly answered jokes and hilarious correctly answered puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about correctly answered that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Correctly Answered Short Jokes
Short correctly answered jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The correctly answered humour may include short correctly jokes also.
- 62% of Kentuckians pronounce their state capital "Loo-uh-vul", while 38% say "Loo-ee-ville". Unfortunately, the correct answer is Frankfort.
- So I was in math class when the teacher asked me what comes after 69. Apparently, "I do." is not the correct answer.
- So, my lesbian friend asked how I view lesbian relationships. In Hd was not the correct answer.
- My wife once asked me if I would ever sleep with her sister if we split up. Which sister? is not the correct answer.
- My wife asked me what I thought the sexiest thing was about her. Apparently, "how much you look like your sister" was not the correct answer.
- My girlfriend just asked how mature I was on a scale of 1 to 100.. ..apparently 69 was not the correct answer.
- I failed my Health and safety Test today apparently when they ask what steps you should take in case of a fire, large ones was not the correct answer
- I failed my AP Biology test... They asked; "what is something commonly found in cells?"
Apparently black people wasn't the correct answer - I failed my biology test today. The question was: "What is commonly found in cells?"
Apparently, "African Americans" wasn't the correct answer. - Today I Failed my Biology Test. One of the questions asked. What are normally found inside cells?
Apparently, 'Black People' was not the correct answer.
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Correctly Answered One Liners
Which correctly answered one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with correctly answered? I can suggest the ones about correct answer and technically correct.
- A feminist asked me how I view l**... In HD was apparently not the correct answer.
Silly & Ridiculous Correctly Answered Jokes to Spread Joy & Laughter
What funny jokes about correctly answered you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean responded jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make correctly answered pranks.
A researcher carrying out a phone survey on marital s**......
phoned one of the participants to check on a discrepancy. He asked the husband: "In response to the question on frequency of i**..., you answered 'once a week,' but your wife answered 'several times a night.'"
"That's correct," said the husband. "And that's the way it's going to be until the mortgage is paid off."
Three nuns
Sisters Anne, Mary, and Teresa are driving across the country when they are in a car c**... and all die tragically.
In heaven, the three of them are standing in front of the pearly gates and St. Peter is standing before them. He says to them, "Sisters, I understand that you are all women of faith, and I would be more than happy to let you into heaven without hesitation, but as it is the rules, I must ask you each one question that you must answer correctly before I can let you enter"
The nuns all agree and Sister Anne steps forward first.
"Sister Anne, what was the name of the first man?"
She barely misses a beat before announcing happily "Adam!"
*Gong!*
The gates open and she enters.
Sister Mary then steps forward and St. Peter asks her, "Sister Mary, what is the name of the first woman?"
"Eve!"
*Gong!*
The gates open and Sister Mary enters heaven.
St. Peter then addresses Sister Teresa, "Teresa, what is the first thing that Eve said when she saw Adam?"
Sister Teresa thinks for a minute... two minutes... three minutes.. then mutters to herself "That's a hard one..."
*Gong!*
Compton Scattering
My professor asked me what Compton Scattering was... Apparently "when a single black woman walks out with a newborn" is not the correct answer.
What are some dirty jokes you know?
I was asked to submit some dirty jokes to an ongoing event. The annoucer ask a person a dirty joke and if they guess the answer correctly they're awarded a prize.
An example of a dirty joke they've asked is "What do you call two people 69ing?"
"Odor eaters."
Any dirty jokes are greatly appreciated.
Fred and John...
Fred and John are in bible school the teacher asks, "who created the world" John raises his hand and is called on, Fred pokes him with a pencil right as he is answering. John says "My God" and the teacher replies "correct", he then asks "what did Eve say after she had her 3rd baby?", John raises his hand again and is called on. As he is answering he is poked again with the the pencil, he says "If you stick that thing in me one more time I'm gonna break it!"
A helicopter was flying around above Seattle...
A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.
Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."
The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it.
"I knew it had to be the Microsoft Building, because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer."
A professor gives his psychology class a pop quiz. . .
One question he asks is, "What part of the human anatomy may expand up to ten times under certain circumstances?" He picks a rather overdressed girl in the front row to answer it. "Miss Callahan!" The indicated girl, who heard the question, stammers with some embarrassment: "Professor, I'd rather not answer that question." The professor says, "That's all right, Miss Callahan, you don't need to answer it. Is there anyone present who can answer it?" He notes an interested face in the back of the classroom. "Mr. Hawkins!" Hawkins says, "Yes, Professor, it is the pupil of the eye that may expand to ten times." The professor says, "That is correct, Mr. Hawkins." Then he turns to Miss Callahan. He says, "Young lady, two things are obvious from your reaction to this question. One, you haven't studied this week's assignment; and Two, I'm afraid marriage is going to be a tremendous disappointment to you."
I took my Biology exam last Friday
I was asked to name two things commonly found in cells. Apparently "b**..." and "Mexicans" were NOT the correct answers.
The computer was claimed to answer anything correctly.
But the CEO didn't believe it, so he asked "Where's my father right now?". The computer beeped and whirred for a few seconds, and spat out "Your father is fishing in Canada". The CEO joyfully chortled "See, your computer isn't always right, my father died when I was 10 years old!" The computer spat out "Your mothers husband died 25 years ago. Your father just landed an 8 pound trout."
A little Johnny...
One day in math class little Johnny's teacher asked him to look out the window, where three birds were sitting on a fence. She then asks "Johnny, if I shoot one of those birds how many are left?" Johnny replies "None, they would all have flown away when they heard the gun shot." The teacher smiles and says "The correct answer was two, but I like the way you think."
Johnny looks at the teacher and says "I have a question for you." "There are three women in an ice cream shop and they all have an ice cream cone, one is l**... it, one is biting it, and one is s**... it, which one is married?" The teach thinks about it a bit and says "The one s**... it." Johnny looks at her and say "The right answer was the one wearing the wedding ring, but I like the way you think."
A man finds a genie who claims to be all-knowing...
The genie says the man may ask him one question, about anything he could possibly imagine, and he will answer truthfully.
The man, amazed, replies, "wow, and you'll know the correct answer to literally any question I ask?"
The genie answers, "yes." And disappears.
"m**... can help relieve depression and lead to a higher sense of self-esteem, as well as reduce the risk of prostate cancer."
And apparently that is not the correct answer to give when being questioned by the police as to why I was jacking off while riding the bus.
I failed my Cultural Studies exam. The question was "Describe the role that India plays in the modern world".
Apparently "Tech Support" is not the correct answer.
Robin Hood
The teacher asked "Who can tell me the name of Robin Hood's love?". Little Billy raised his hand and said "It's Trudy Glen miss". The teacher says "No that's not right Billy, the correct answer is Maid Marian." Billy says: "That's not true miss. In the song it says.. Robin Hood Robin Hood Riding Trudy Glen"
Dementia
Three older men are undergoing a memory test at the doctor's office. The Doctor asks, "What is three times three?"
The first man answers, "274."
The second man answers, "Tuesday."
The third man answers, "Nine."
The doctor pleasantly surprised at the third man's correct response, inquires, "Great! How did you get that answer?"
"Simple. Just subtract 274 from Tuesday."
A woman wrote a complaint to the hospital in which her husband had surgery...
She wrote: After his surgery he lost all interest in s**....
The hospital answered: Your husband was admitted for cataract surgery. All we did was correct his eyesight
The magic Dog
A man goes to a casting show for talents with his dog.
"Ladies and gentlemen, I present: Gizmo the magic dog! I ask him a question and he answers it correct!"
The jury laughed, but he asked:"Gizmo, what is on top of this house?"
"Roof! Roof!", Gizmo said. The audience went quiet.
"Gizmo, what can sink ships?"
"Reef! Reef!", the dog said. One from the jury asked:"Is this a joke? This dog is just barking!"
"Wait! One last question! Gizmo, name one famous composer!"
"Orff! Orff!", Gizmo said.
Man and dog were thrown out of the building. On the street, Gizmo looked up to his owner and said:"I know, Frank. I should have said Mozart..."
Got kicked out of class today
My theology professor asked why the Jews wandered the desert for 40 years.
Apparently because they heard someone dropped a quarter is not the correct answer
Was on an online dating website.
"Which do you prefer, McDonald's or Burger King?" I asked her. "And be careful, your response will determine whether I continue talking to you or not..."
"Ohhhh I'm nervous now" she giggled "But for me, it's Burger King".
"See ya later" I replied. "The correct answer would've been neither, Fatty".
the most famous person in the history of the world
The teacher addressed his class,"I'll give five dollars to anybody who can name the most famous person in the history of the world."
An Irish boy raised his hand and said,"St. Patrick."
"Sorry Seamus, that's not correct."
Then a French boy raised his hand and said,"Napoleon."
The teacher replied,"I'm sorry, Jean, that's not right either."
Finally, a Jewish boy raised his hand and answered,"Jesus Christ."
"That's right, David! You win the five dollars. Congratulations!" As the teacher was handing over the cash he said,"You know David, I'm surprised you said Jesus Christ."
"Yeah, in my heart I knew it was Moses. But business is business."
Teacher: Johnny, can you tell me 2 pronouns? There were two boys named Johnny so one of them says:
"Who? Me?"
Finally a correct answer Johnny..
My wife asked me what her favorite type of flower was.
Apparently "All-Purpose" wasn't the correct answer.
Data
Today, a CS professor asked us what data is.
Apparently, even though technically correct, the plural form of datum was not the answer he had in mind...
I failed my Biology test yesterday
I was asked to name a parasite currently living in Britain.
Apparently 'Muslims' isn't the correct answer.
A mathematician tried to claim the Millennium Prize...
for P vs NP but it was held up because no one could verify that he had the correct answer.
Someone asked me how I view Lesbian relationships...
and apparently, "in HD" wasn't the correct answer.
Today a Gender Studies student asked me how our society viewed l**...
Apparently, in HD wasn't the correct answer.
Time to update my display to 4K.
Mrs. Johnson wrote on the chalk board, I ain't had no fun all summer.
So, George, she said. What should I do to correct this?
Get a boyfriend, George answered.
My girlfriend asked if I'd still love her if she was annoying and ugly
Apparently "I do!" Was not the correct answer.
A Grand Prize
I phoned my local radio station today.
When the guy answered the phone he said, "Congratulations on being our 1st caller, all you have to do is answer the next question correctly to win our grand prize."
"Wahoo!" I shouted in delight.
"It's a Maths question," he said. "Feeling
confident?"
"I've got a degree in Maths and I teach it at my local school," I proudly replied.
"Okay then, to win 2 VIP tickets to see Justin Bieber and to meet him back stage afterwards, what's 2+2?"
"7," I replied.
How many vegans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two. One to screw in the light bulb and one to tell you they are vegans.
.......
Well apparently the correct answer is three. The extra one is needed to post whiny replies when they all get triggered by this joke.
My wife asked what I'd do without her.
Apparently "live happily ever after" wasn't the correct answer.
what does alex trebeck say before committing assault?
oooh im sorry, the correct answer was yes
Hey, dad.
"Dad, is there a word to describe answers that are completely correct but entirely useless under the circumstances?"
"Yes, son, yes there is."
I lost the bar trivia contest last night by one point.
The last question was, "Where do women have the curliest hair?" Apparently the correct answer is, Fiji.
Using the letters P S N I E... name a part of the human body that works best when e**....
If you answered "SPINE" You are correct
I took part in a survey about sport...
The surveyor asked, "Which race is your favourite?"
Apparently a**...' wasn't the correct answer.
A student receives a bad grade on his exam
And he goes to talk to the teacher, convinced that he's been graded unfairly.
He says to the teacher "I think I deserve some points on these questions, even if my answers weren't entirely correct!"
The teacher sighs and says "ok, I'll take another look at your exam".
The student comes home, and his mother asks him "so how did the exam go?". He replies: "the teacher thought it was remarkable!'
On my one month anniversary
My girlfriend made it a point to ask me where i see us heading as couple. Apparently downhill wasn't the correct answer.
The teacher asked me what my favourite vegetable was
Apparently My grandfather wasn't the correct answer.
Quiz show
I was on a quiz show once and they asked me to come up with a 5-letter palindrome that starts with K.
It's a pity, I was stumped but if I had answered correctly I'd have won a new kayak.
A teacher always gave her students 4 or 5 marks out of 10
Students asked why is that despite them writing the correct answer
Teacher:4, 5 inches is what my husband gives me everynight
My girlfriend asked me the other day how difficult I thought it would be to raise a kid.
Apparently it can't be worse than living with you for 18 years wasn't the correct answer.
I failed my chemistry exam today. They asked me to give an example of free radicals.
Apparently, 'ISIS fighters' was not the correct answer.
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton-b**... and a ball of string on the counter.
The sales girl says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?"
He answers, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's so much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own... so does she."
The teacher asks, "Flora, what part of the human body increases ten times when excited?"
Flora blushes and says, "That's disgusting, I won't even answer that question." The teacher calls on Johnny: "What part of the human body increases ten times when excited?" "That's easy," says Johnny. "It's the pupil of the eye." "Very good, Johnny," responds the teacher. "That's correct." She then turns to Flora and says, "First, you didn't do your homework. Second, you have a dirty mind. And third, you're in for a BIG disappointment."
If I had a dollar for every time I changed the correct answer in exams,
I'd probably pick it up first but then leave it thinking it's wrong.
Bad at Titles
Teacher: Whoever answers the next question correctly, can go home early!
Student: \*raises hand\*
Teacher: What is it?
Student: It's me raising my hand, and now I can go home. Thanks!
Three nuns die in a car c**..., when they get to heaven, the angel says they have to answer a question to get in
So the angel asks the first nun
Who was the first man?
And the nun replies, Adam
The angel allows her in and turns to the second nun
Who was the first woman?
The second nun answers Eve
Correct, in you go replies the angel
Then turning to the third nun the angel asks
I'm afraid this question is rather difficult. What did Eve say when she first saw Adam?
The third nun thinking says Oh, that's a hard one
Yes, you're in. Replies the angel.
Is there a word to describe answers that are completely correct but entirely useless?
Yes, there is.
A teacher told the students, "The person who answers my next question correctly gets to leave class early."
A teacher told the students, "The person who answers my next question correctly gets to leave class early."
Suddenly, a pen came flying across to room, practically hitting the teacher in the face.
"Who threw that?!" the teacher shouted angrily.
"Me!" piped up a voice from the back of the classroom. "Can I leave now?"
Every Friday Mrs. Jones ask the class a question.
The kid that answers correctly gets to leave class early.
Timmy has never been that kid. But this Friday he decided it was his turn. Friday comes around and Timmy is ready. The class sits down and is listening for the question. Timmy pulls some marbles out and rolls them across the floor. The teacher turns around and says to the class.
"Alright kids, who's the comedian with the black b**...?"
Timmy yells, "Chris Rock, See ya Monday Teach!"
What not to put in one's mouth
One day, the teacher asked the children in class to give examples of what was not good to put in one's mouth.
Little Johnny says, It is not good to put a lit light bulb in one's mouth.
The teacher says, That is correct, but why?
Little Johnny answers, I don't know, but my mom always tells my dad, 'Turn off the light before you put it in my mouth!'
Albert Einstein challenged Mr. Bean
Einstein said to Mr. Bean: "I'll ask you a question.If you can't answer correctly, you'll give me one dollar. Then you ask me a question. If I can't answer correctly, I'll give you 1000 dollars.
Einstein: asks a question.
Mr. Bean after a little while: gives Einstein one dollar.
Einstein says: Okay, it's your turn.
Mr. Bean asks: What's an animal that has four legs, but when it's crossing a street, it has three legs and when it's on the other side of the street, it has only two?
Einstein: Thinks hard for a while.
Einstein says: I give up. *Gives 1000 dollars to Mr. Bean*
Einstein asks: What is it?
Mr. Bean: gives a dollar to Einstein.
My wife keeps asking me how her clothes look. Today she asked me if she should wear a mask.
As usual I said, "Yeah, it makes you look better." Apparently, this time it wasn't the correct answer.
My wife found a quarter on the floor of our bedroom. She asked, "What's this for?"
Apparently, "That's for last night" was not the correct answer.
"The person who answers this last question gets to leave early" said the teacher
"Now what is the sum of three and two, multiplied by the square root of 6 " the teacher asked.
The class began scribbling furiously. All except for Bobby. Bobby raised his hand and the teacher called on him.
"5" answered Bobby confidently. He began to pack up his things and walk to the door.
"Not quite correct Bobby" the teacher said "so you don't get to leave early"
"You didn't say it had to be correct...Just that someone had to answer"
Math Teacher: Your homework looks like chicken scratch, but you have all the correct answers
Later at Home: I think she's on to us, mathmachicken
A teacher told his students, "The person who answers my next question correctly gets to leave class early."
Suddenly, a pen came flying across to room, practically hitting the teacher in the face.
"Who threw that?!" the teacher shouted, angrily.
"Me!" piped up a voice from the back of the classroom. "Can I leave now?"
What does a librarian take fishing?
A good hook!
(Evidently the correct answer is book worm but I liked my answer better!)
I was asked what the most important thing in a relationship was
Advil was not the correct answer
The Russian president is on a visit to the USA.
So he is taken on a tour of various tech companies to show him their superiority.
"This," says Bob, "is the smartest computer in the world. Ask it any question, and it will answer you correctly."
The Russian president is intrigued. So he decides to trick the computer and asks: "Who will be the superpower 100 years from today?"
The computer goes silent for a minute, then prints out a paper which the Russian president takes.
"So?" asks Bob. "What does it say?"
"I have no idea," replied the Russian president. "It is written in Chinese"
A new law
Two guys walk into a bar and order lunch. "What brings you guys in today?" the bartender asks. "I guess you haven't heard yet. The mayor passed a law yesterday to try to help out local restaurants during Covid-19. All adult males are required to go and eat lunch out with their best male friends at least once a week," one of the guys answers the bartender. "Well it's not a law really," the other guy corrects him. "It's more of a mandate."
An old joke in my native language.
In a country, all the idiots lived together in a big town. One day, their leader dies. He had two children. Both of them were eligible to be the leader. They were quite confused who should be their leader. So, they visit a saint for advice.
The saint says: "Whoever will answer my question correctly will be the king of idiots..
..and the question is: **If a rooster sits on a tower, and lays an egg, in which direction will the egg fall?**"
Little girls first day at new school.The teacher asks her name.
The girl replies, "Happy b**...." The teacher is a little annoyed and asks again. The girl answers, "Happy b**...." The teacher wants to set an example on the first day and sends the girl to the principal's office.
The principle looks at the girl's file and says, "Why didn't you give your correct name? It says here your name is Gladys."
The girls says, "Glad a**..., happy b**...- what's the difference?"
That's disgusting...
The teacher asks, "Flora, what part of the human body increases ten times when excited?"
Flora blushes and says, "That's disgusting, I won't even answer that question."
The teacher calls on Johnny: "What part of the human body increases ten times when excited?" "That's easy," says Johnny. "It's the pupil of the eye."
"Very good, Johnny," responds the teacher. "That's correct."
She then turns to Flora and says, "First, you didn't do your homework. Second, you have a dirty mind. And third, you're in for a Big disappointment."
In 7th grade we had a quiz where we were asked "what did France set up during the French Revolution." They marked me wrong and I'm still a little upset about it.
I still maintain "tons and tons of guillotines" is a correct answer
My kindergarten daughter asked me a question,
so I answered her back In confidence with the correct answer. She asked me how I knew that , so I answered her that I knew everything. This infuriated my daughter and she told me there were people out there that knew more than me. I was shocked and told her I didn't know anyone smarter than me. Then she just looked at me and said Then you don't know everything .
True Story
A teacher asked her kindergartens...
Who the most important person in history is and whoever gets it right gets 5 dollars, one of the kids yells, "Abe Lincoln." The teacher smiles and shakes her head no, another kid yells, "George Washington." Again, the teacher shakes her head. The class becomes quiet as they all begin to think before one of the children goes, "jesus!" The teacher responds."That's right! But wait, aren't you jewish?" To which the child goes, "well, the correct answer is Moses, but business is business."
a blonde is standing on the street buzzing at a lantern
a blonde police officer sees her buzzing the lantern, stops and asks: what are you doing, madam? The blonde answers: I'm trying to buzz my friend down but he's not answering. Blonde police officer points confused at the light of the lantern and replies: but he must be home since the lights are on!
(my mom told me this in German the other day, I hope my translation makes sense! open for corrections!)
Why is it never frustrating to teach mushrooms?
Because even if they don't have the correct answer, they always have a *fun-guess.*
*dad-joke collaboration with a 7-year old*