Correctional Officer Jokes
24 correctional officer jokes and hilarious correctional officer puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about correctional officer that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Correctional Officer Short Jokes
Short correctional officer jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The correctional officer humour may include short correction officer jokes also.
- how many corrections officers does it take to throw an inmate down the stairs? none he fell
- "It's really difficult, my partner is constantly in and out of prison." "Babe, that's a terrible way to tell people I'm a Corrections Officer."
- A man walks in to the doctor's office with a banana in his ear… the doctor says, You're not eating correctly.
- A police officer pulled me over. "Hello, there!" I said.
He said, "Sir, I'm almost certain I can smell alcohol on your breath. About 95%"
I said, "Correction, whiskey is about 40%" - My girlfriend asked me to choose between her and the office. Which episode do you think I should watch today?
Correction: Ex-girlfriend\* - A cop pulls over a s**... The cop looks at him and asks "How high are you?" to which the s**... replies "No officer, the correct way to say it is Hi how are you."
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Correctional Officer One Liners
Which correctional officer one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with correctional officer? I can suggest the ones about prison officer and parole officer.
- Microsoft Office doesn't correct Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris correct Microsoft Office. - What did the cat say to the correctional officer? Let MEOWWWWWOUT!!
Hilarious Correctional Officer Jokes for a Fun-Filled Night with Friends
What funny jokes about correctional officer you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean police officer jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make correctional officer pranks.
A woman visits her husband in prison
Before leaving, she tells a correction officer:
"You shouldn't make my husband work like that. He's exhausted!"
The officer laughs, saying:
"Are you kidding? He just eats and sleeps and stays in his own cell!"
"b**...! He just told me he's been digging a tunnel for months!"
A blonde woman visits her husband in prison.
Before leaving, she tells a correction officer: You shouldn't make my husband work like that. He's exhausted!
The officer laughs and says, Are you kidding? He just eats and sleeps and stays in his cell!
The wife replies: Bullsht! He just told me he's been digging a tunnel for months!
Told an inmate to have a safe drive home.
I'm a corrections officer, getting ready to head out at shift change:
Inmate: "drive home safe"
Me: "yeah you too..."
Me: (thinking "oops, ouch")
Coworker: "Muahahaha"
Inmate: (hops into his imaginary car and shuffles to his cell making f**... engine noises, screeches the brakes, steps out of his car and into his cell. Pokes his head out) "Made it home safe dad"
Me and my coworker burst out laughing
A police officer stops a driver...
A police officer stops a driver to give him a ticket. He looks at the guy's driver license and says, "This says here that you need to wear corrective lenses when you drive."
The guy replies, "I have contacts".
The cops says, "I dont care who you know you still need corrective lenses"
I was pulled over by a cop earlier today.
Do you know why I've pulled you over, sir?
"No officer.
Well" he said "this doesn't happen very often, but I've been following you for the last ten miles or so... and your driving is exemplary! Correct road positioning, perfect observation and due regard for other road users.
Thanks very much, officer!" I said. "Do you reckon it's worth me getting a license then?"
So, an Indian went to the US embassy
to get a visa for a visit to his friend placed there. When asked where he was going, he replied,"San Jose"...!
The immigration officer corrected that San Jose is pronounced ''San Hose'' ...J is pronounced as ''H''
'' So how long is your stay in San Jose?''
"7 months; from Hanuary to Huly."
A man gets pulled over by a cop...
And he takes the man's driver's license. He reads it and looks back at the driver.
"It says here that you need corrective lenses", the cop said. "Where are your glasses?"
The man replies, "But officer, I have contacts."
The cop glares at him. "I don't care who you know."
a blonde is standing on the street buzzing at a lantern
a blonde police officer sees her buzzing the lantern, stops and asks: what are you doing, madam? The blonde answers: I'm trying to buzz my friend down but he's not answering. Blonde police officer points confused at the light of the lantern and replies: but he must be home since the lights are on!
(my mom told me this in German the other day, I hope my translation makes sense! open for corrections!)
Dementia
Three older men are undergoing a memory test at the doctor's office. The Doctor asks, "What is three times three?"
The first man answers, "274."
The second man answers, "Tuesday."
The third man answers, "Nine."
The doctor pleasantly surprised at the third man's correct response, inquires, "Great! How did you get that answer?"
"Simple. Just subtract 274 from Tuesday."
A teacher was correcting exams from his students.
When he saw the exam of Joe, a student he hated, he gave him 0% without even reading his exam and wrote at the bottom:
"s**...! d**...!"
When Joe received his copy, he was so shocked he went straight to the teacher's office and said:
"Sir, you didn't even read my exam. All I see is a 0% with your name and signature at the bottom."
Little girls first day at new school.The teacher asks her name.
The girl replies, "Happy b**...." The teacher is a little annoyed and asks again. The girl answers, "Happy b**...." The teacher wants to set an example on the first day and sends the girl to the principal's office.
The principle looks at the girl's file and says, "Why didn't you give your correct name? It says here your name is Gladys."
The girls says, "Glad a**..., happy b**...- what's the difference?"
I hate how we have to be politically correct at the office. My boss said we shouldn't use the term "black" because it's not very professional.
So during coffee break, I asked him: *"How African-American do you like your coffee?"*
Drinking problems
So a guy comes to the police station,
Hello - says the police officer - you are here for a drinking problem correct?
The man replies : What me? drinking problem? no officer I have no drinking problem, I was drinking all night, no problems so far.
It was late at night .....
It was late at night and the police were out checking for erratic driving.
They spotted a car travelling alone along the dual carriageway and decided to follow it. The car never exceeded the speed limit, gave all the correct signals as it left the main road and when they reached the town it pulled up correctly at all the traffic lights.
Eventually, the police car overtook the car and flagged it down.
Good evening, Sir, said the policeman.
We felt we had to stop you to congratulate you on your perfect driving skills.
Well, thank you, officer, replied the driver, I always drive very carefully, especially when I've had a bit to drink.
A nun gets pulled over by a cop on the freeway.
The police asks the nun "Do you know at what speed you were going at ma'am?"
"Yes, i was going at 35 mph"
The cop replies "You are supposed to be at 60 mph at least"
"Isn't this route 35? I was going at the correct speed officer."
The cop chuckles and says "No, thats just the route number but the speed on all the freeways are at least 60mph"
The nun with a scared face says "Well you better go to route 170 since one of my sisters goes through there."