Correct Jokes
181 correct jokes and hilarious correct puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about correct that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Do you think you know what it means to have a "correct" joke? With this article, find out the many different definitions of a "correct" joke, such as politically correct, technically correct, and the most accurate way to deliver a joke correctly or incorrectly. Discover the secrets to a successful joke and make sure you're scoring laughs with the correct pronunciation of words.
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Funniest Correct Short Jokes
Short correct jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The correct humour may include short proper jokes also.
- I called two girls hipsters and got slapped. Apparently the correct term is "conjoined twins".
- I got fired from my job because I kept asking my customers whether they would prefer Smoking or Non-smoking . Apparently the correct terms are Cremation and Burial .
- My friend gets really upset when I call him a flat-Earther He says the correct term is bulldozer operator.
- I hate how politically correct the world is these days, you can't even say black paint You have to say
Leroy, please paint that wall - Me: The earth isn't flat! fiat earther: correct
me: huh?
fiat earther: it's the shape of an Italian car
me: what?
fiat earther: you read my name wrong didn't you? - 62% of Kentuckians pronounce their state capital "Loo-uh-vul", while 38% say "Loo-ee-ville". Unfortunately, the correct answer is Frankfort.
- 4th of July, The only time of the year Americans say the day and month in the correct order.
- My daughter said she needed adult supervision I told her she'd have to find someone else because I wear corrective lenses
- If I'm reading their lips correctly, my neighbors are arguing about some creepy guy next door.
- As a non-American, I love seeing Americans saying Happy 4th of July. It's the only time Americans pronounce dates correctly.
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Correct One Liners
Which correct one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with correct? I can suggest the ones about perfect and exact.
- Fun fact: You can't breathe correctly while smiling Just kidding, I made you smile :)
- Teacher: What is 117 + 3? Johny: 5!
Teacher: Correct.. - I admit I was wrong about how good my chiropractor is. I stand corrected.
- What's the correct way to pronounce nihilism? Doesn't matter.
- I didn't think my doctor could fix my bowed legs. I stand corrected.
- Auto-correct walks into a bar... And the batman says, 'why the log fence?'
- I'm giving up alcohol for a month!!! Correction: I'm giving up! Alcohol for a month!!
- The only way to spell incorrectly correctly Is to spell it incorrectly.
- I used to hate chiropractors until I went to see one for my back Now I stand corrected
- "I stand corrected" Says the man wearing orthopedic shoes
- I used to think chiropractic adjustments didn't work. I stand corrected
- Never thought a foot doctor would help… …now I stand corrected.
- I didn't think a chiropracticor could help me but I stand corrected
- I didn't believe my friend who told me yoga would fix my posture I now stand corrected
- Any advice on correcting plastic surgery that has gone wrong? I'm all ears.
Correct Answer Jokes
Here is a list of funny correct answer jokes and even better correct answer puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- So I was in math class when the teacher asked me what comes after 69. Apparently, "I do." is not the correct answer.
- My wife once asked me if I would ever sleep with her sister if we split up. Which sister? is not the correct answer.
- My wife asked me what I thought the sexiest thing was about her. Apparently, "how much you look like your sister" was not the correct answer.
- My girlfriend just asked how mature I was on a scale of 1 to 100.. ..apparently 69 was not the correct answer.
- I failed my Health and safety Test today apparently when they ask what steps you should take in case of a fire, large ones was not the correct answer
- I failed my AP Biology test... They asked; "what is something commonly found in cells?"
Apparently black people wasn't the correct answer - My wife asked what I'd do without her. Apparently "live happily ever after" wasn't the correct answer.
- Is there a word to describe answers that are completely correct but entirely useless? Yes, there is.
- My wife asked me what her favorite type of flower was. Apparently "All-Purpose" wasn't the correct answer.
- My teacher asked me how I view gay marriage. Apparently, "in full HD" wasn't the correct answer
Not Politically Correct Jokes
Here is a list of funny not politically correct jokes and even better not politically correct puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Someone called me racist for saying "black paint" Apparently the politically correct term is "Tyrone, please paint the fence".
- The world is so politically correct these days. You used to be able to say "black paint." Now it has to be "Jamal can you please paint my wall?"
- I hate all the political correctness these days, I can't even say "black paint" anymore. Now I have to say "Tyrone please paint the fence."
- The world is becoming too politically correct You can't even say black paint anymore, instead you have to say "Lamar can you please paint the fence".
- It may not be "politically correct" to say this... ...but there are over one million U.S Senators.
- These days you can't even say "blackboard" anymore. The politically correct term is: "Jamal, get on my ship."
- Everything has to be politically correct nowadays.. Back in the day you could say black paint, nowadays you have to say 'Jerome, please paint the fence.'
- Political correctness has reached the level of absurdity For example, we can't say brown paint. Instead we should say "please paint that wall, Jose"
- Why is the Z the only politically-correct letter? Because all the other letters are not-Z's.
- Political correctness has gotten so restrictive these days. Now I can't even say, "Black paint." I have to say, "Please paint that wall, Tyrone."
Politically Correct Jokes
Here is a list of funny politically correct jokes and even better politically correct puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why did the politically correct soccer team never win any matches? Because no offense.
- I won the first place in the Political Correctness Quiz contest.. To be fair,so did everyone else...
- Trump is too politically incorrect, Hillary is too politically correct Yet they're both incorrect for politics
- No Longer PC It's no longer Politically Correct to call someone a "tweaker".
You now call them "Methican American". - How do you define political correctness? Carefully.
- What's the politically correct way to introduce your midget buddy? Say hello to my little friend.
- I don't care if it's not "politically correct"... But I think the president of Europe is a really nice guy
- What's the difference between comedy and political correctness? One is making light of a dark situation.
The other is making dark of a light situation. - Steve Jobs and Trump had one thing in common, both hated the PC culture Political correctness and pancreatic cancer.
- In the political correctness of 2017, is it still ok to call my wife the "ol ball and chain"? Or is that rude to the ball and chain?
Auto Correct Jokes
Here is a list of funny auto correct jokes and even better auto correct puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- If I ever opened a car repair shop, I would call it "Auto-Correct". Then I'd paint the floor with those red squiggly lines...
- Auto-correct is so crazy now a days... My mom meant to text me 'I love you' but it auto corrected to 'You're a disappointment.'
- Def leopard is the safest band to air drum to while driving Because you can keep one hand on the steering wheel.
Yeah, I know its Def Leppard, auto correct messed that up for me. - Auto correct got me arrested while proclaiming my love to my crush. Apparently there is no explanation for saying "I wish you were nine."
- The inventor of auto-correct has died His funfair will be next monkey.
- When she texts "I Love You"... but Auto-correct changes it to "who is this"
- Did you hear about the auto-correct programmer who lost his job? He was fried.
- I'd really, really love to adopt a kid some day. Abort*
Sorry, I hate auto correct. - The person who wrote the auto-correct logic was killed in a bizarre farming accident. Rest in Pieces!
- I hate auto correct. It can go straight to he'll.
Happy Correct Jokes for a Lighthearted Night with Friends
What funny jokes about correct you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean true jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make correct pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Trump should not have said "s**...-hole countries".
The correct term is "t**...-world countries".
Joe took his blind date, Kim, to the carnival...
"What would you like to do first, Kim?" asked Joe. "I want to get weighed," said Kim, and so they ambled over to the 'guess-the-weight' stand. The owner guessed 121 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize.
Next the couple went on the Ferris wheel. When the ride was over, Joe again asked Kim what she would like to do. "I want to get weighed," she said. And back to the 'guess-the-weight' stand they went. Since they had been here before, he guessed her correct weight, and Joe lost his dollar.
The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to next. "I want to get weighed," she responded. By this time, Joe figured she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake. Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How'd it go?" Kim responded, "Oh, Waura, it was wousy."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Guy can tell how any animal was killed
Guy walks into a bar and says: While I am blindfolded, I can feel the pelt of any animal and tell you how it was killed.
People start betting, the guy is blindfolded and given the first pelt (this bar has them for some reason).
the man holds the pelt and fingers the bullet hole, then says: this is a polar bear and it was killed .30-06! He is correct!
the next pelt is handed to him. He feels it and finds the bullet hole. then he says: This is a muskrat and it was killed by a .22! He is correct! Everyone cheers, beers are bought and a good time is had by all.
the next morning, the man wakes up in his own bed next to his wife but he now has a black eye and a headache. He wakes his wife and asks what happened with his new shiner. she says that she gave it to him. he asks why. well, she says, last night you came home drunk, and stuck your hand down my pants. then you yelled in my ear: **SKUNK, KILLED BY AX.**
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A researcher carrying out a phone survey on marital s**......
phoned one of the participants to check on a discrepancy. He asked the husband: "In response to the question on frequency of i**..., you answered 'once a week,' but your wife answered 'several times a night.'"
"That's correct," said the husband. "And that's the way it's going to be until the mortgage is paid off."
What is the saddest thing in you're life?
That you clicked on this link only to correct my grammer....
The Carnival Date
Jesse took his blind date to the carnival. "What would you like to do first, Amber?" asked Jesse.
"I want to get weighed," replied Amber.
They ambled over to the weight guesser. He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize.
Next, the couple went on the Ferris Wheel. When the ride was over, Jesse again asked Amber what she would like to do. "I want to get weighed," she said.
Back to the weight guesser they went. Since they had been there before, he guessed her correct weight, and Jesse lost his dollar.
By this time, Jesse figured that she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake.
Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How did it go?"
Amber responded, "Oh, Waura. It was wousy."
Apparently the most common surname In China is Chang.
...correct me if you think that's Wong.
So Juan, Pablo, and Jose are all attempting to cross the border legally...
A border guard stops when he sees only one of them has the correct papers, and says
'Whoa whoa whoa there can be only Juan!'
I'll see myself out
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I hate how politically correct the world is becoming...
No longer am I allowed to say "black paint." Now I have to say "Tyrone can you please paint."
5 boxes for a dollar...
A woman walks into a drug store to buy tampons. She notices a group of tampons stacked on a table in the corner with a sign on them saying, "5 boxes for a dollar."
Well, the woman just can't believe this price so she asks the clerk if it was correct.
He replies, "Oh yes, 5 for a dollar."
She says, "That can't be right!"
The clerk responds, "Oh yes, it's right!! 5 boxes for a dollar, no strings attached."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Chinese couple named Mr. and Mrs. Wong went to the hospital to have a baby...
Mrs. Wong had the baby soon after they arrived, and after they got to see their child, a nurse took it away for medical examinations. When she returned, she was carrying a white baby, not an Asian one. Mr. Wong was surprised and a little annoyed at the mistake and curtly told the nurse to go back and get their actual baby. The nurse insisted that it was the correct child, but Mr. Wong was positive that a mistake had been made, because, as he put it, "Two Wongs don't make a white."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Everyone's so politically correct these days.
You can't even say "black paint" anymore. You have to say "Tyrone, would you kindly paint my fence?"
Ferrari
Woman:
Do you drink beer?
Man: Yes
Woman:
How many beers a day?
Man:
Usually about 3
Woman:
How much do you pay per beer?
Man: $5.00 which includes a tip
Woman:
And how long have you been drinking?
Man:
About 20 years, I suppose
Woman:
So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending each
month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately $5400 correct?
Man:
Correct
Woman:
If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past 20
years puts your spending at $108,000, correct?
Man:
Correct
Woman:
Do you know that if you didn't drink so much beer, that money could have
been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for
compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?
Man:
Do you drink beer?
Woman:
No
Man:
Where's your Ferrari?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Favorite pirate joke
A: What's a pirates favourite letter?
B: Arrrrrrrrr
A: Correct, what's a pirate's favourite class in school?
B: Arrrritmatic, Arrrrrrt, Arrrrrchitecture (any will do)
A: You're right! What kind of sweaters to pirates wear?
B: Arrrrrgyle!
(They'll be feeling good and playing along by now)
A: What's a pirate's favourite type of crime?
B: Arrrrrrson!
A: No. Piracy you f***ing idiot.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A little Johnny...
One day in math class little Johnny's teacher asked him to look out the window, where three birds were sitting on a fence. She then asks "Johnny, if I shoot one of those birds how many are left?" Johnny replies "None, they would all have flown away when they heard the gun shot." The teacher smiles and says "The correct answer was two, but I like the way you think."
Johnny looks at the teacher and says "I have a question for you." "There are three women in an ice cream shop and they all have an ice cream cone, one is l**... it, one is biting it, and one is s**... it, which one is married?" The teach thinks about it a bit and says "The one s**... it." Johnny looks at her and say "The right answer was the one wearing the wedding ring, but I like the way you think."
A man finds a genie who claims to be all-knowing...
The genie says the man may ask him one question, about anything he could possibly imagine, and he will answer truthfully.
The man, amazed, replies, "wow, and you'll know the correct answer to literally any question I ask?"
The genie answers, "yes." And disappears.
how many corrections officers does it take to throw an inmate down the stairs?
none he fell
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"m**... can help relieve depression and lead to a higher sense of self-esteem, as well as reduce the risk of prostate cancer."
And apparently that is not the correct answer to give when being questioned by the police as to why I was jacking off while riding the bus.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Everything's so politically correct nowadays that you can't even say "black paint."
Instead you have to say "Jamaal please paint my fence."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Saying s**... isn't very politically correct
I now say laughrican americans.
the most famous person in the history of the world
The teacher addressed his class,"I'll give five dollars to anybody who can name the most famous person in the history of the world."
An Irish boy raised his hand and said,"St. Patrick."
"Sorry Seamus, that's not correct."
Then a French boy raised his hand and said,"Napoleon."
The teacher replied,"I'm sorry, Jean, that's not right either."
Finally, a Jewish boy raised his hand and answered,"Jesus Christ."
"That's right, David! You win the five dollars. Congratulations!" As the teacher was handing over the cash he said,"You know David, I'm surprised you said Jesus Christ."
"Yeah, in my heart I knew it was Moses. But business is business."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A feminist and a linguist walk into a bar
They sit down and begin a conversation.
The linguist asks, "Do you have any siblings?"
The feminist replies, "Yes, I have a sister. I'm very close with she."
The linguist, confused, tries to correct her. "Don't you mean 'with her'?"
The feminist is outraged and screams, "Stop objectifying women!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
s**... after Surgery
A recent article in the Dominion Post reported that a woman has sued Wellington Hospital, saying that after her husband had surgery there, he lost all interest in s**....
A hospital spokesman replied: "Your husband was admitted for cataract surgery. All we did was correct his eyesight!"
Apparently it's no longer politically correct to direct a joke at any racial or ethic minority, so...
An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Gurkha, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, two Kiwis, a German, an American, a South African, a Cypriot, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, a Dane, a Romani, a Bulgarian, a Swiss, a Greek, a Bulgarian, a Singaporean, a Norwegian, a Libyan, a Hindu, a Muslim, a Monk, an Italian, a Serb, a Russian and an Ethiopian went to a bar.
The bouncer said, "I'm sorry, you can't come in here without a Thai"
I almost got killed because my Superman cloak wasn't the correct size.
It was a narrow "S" cape.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A teacher is asking children how their weekend went...
And young Johnny said, "It was great, Miss! Me and my Dad went to the outback! We stuck big sticks of dynamite up cane toads' arses!"
The teacher replies, "Johnny! The correct term is r**...'."
"That's right, Miss! Wrecked 'em! Blew 'em to bits!"
A blond is tired
A blond gets tired of blond jokes, so she dyes her hair. She goes for a ride and comes across a farmer with a flock of sheep. She asks the farmer, "If I can guess the exact number of sheep in your flock, can I take one home?" The farmer accepts. The blond guesses, "382". The farmer says, "Wow, that's correct. Pick any one you want!" She looks over the entire flock before picking one and putting it in her car. The farmer then says, "I have an offer for you. If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I cant stand this politically correct society much longer. I can't even order coffee anymore.
I used to go to the store and just say "I'll take my coffee black." Now I have to say "I'll take my coffee jeniqua."
A supervisor at a Tickle-Me-Elmo factory...
...instructed an employee to give the dolls 'test tickles'. The dolls were recalled for being anatomically correct.
How does an ant put on a tie?
With a considerable deal of practice and skill and the correct combination of knots in the tie so it can properly be secured on the neck. It's an ant-tie joke.
I Am Using Your Wife.
A man received message from his neighbour.
Sorry sir I am using your wife.
I am using day and night.
I am using when u r not present at home.
In fact I am using more than U R using.
I confess this because now I feel very much guilt.
Hope U will accept my sincere apologies.
Man went home and had a big fight with his wife.
Few minutes later he received another massage.
Sorry Sir spelling / auto correct mistake ...
it's not wife but WIFI.
I failed my Biology test yesterday
I was asked to name a parasite currently living in Britain.
Apparently 'Muslims' isn't the correct answer.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I hate how politically correct we have become as a society ...
You can't even say black paint anymore. Now you have to say, "Jamal kindly paint my house?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Today a Gender Studies student asked me how our society viewed l**...
Apparently, in HD wasn't the correct answer.
Time to update my display to 4K.
So a scientist creates a robot
And he asks the robot, "can you feel pain"
The robot says, "yes however not like a normal human, I feel everything deeper and in slow motion."
"my god that's horrible that can't be true!"
"You're correct it isn't true, however we do have a dark sense of humor."
Who corrects Santa's grammar?
A subordinate Clause.
I hate people who use the wrong words in a sentence and don't correct themselves
They sometimes should have the humidity to admit it.
How do you fit an elephant into a subway?
You take the S out of Sub and the F out of Way.
"There's no F in Way"
Correct!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
After s**... with my new girlfriend last night she snuggled up next to me and said, "You are definitely the biggest I've ever had."
Apparently "ditto" wasn't the correct response.
Thanks for the updates friends, I just don't know how people get those yellowish stars and would really like to learn.
[edit] Thank you for the gold kind stranger.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My wife is an English teacher
She always corrects my grammar while having s**.... I'll go "s**... it good" and she'll reply "it's s**... it well!". I'll say "Who's your daddy" and she'll correct "who's your dad".
She gets particularly annoyed about my improper use of colon.
What is a word that starts with W.
Correct.
what do you call an Asian man who always has a correct change ?
Exact Lee
The CEO of Pepsi was fired this morning.
They found trace amounts of Coke in *her system.
*I have to be factually correct.
Some pronounce it as gif, others say gif but the correct way is actually
gif
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
TIL that it's not politically correct to say someone is gay...
The preferred term is "Navy enlisted personnel."
The teacher tells little Jack, "I'm going to describe an animal and you have to guess what it is."
"It lives on a farm and gives milk"
"A cow?"
"That's correct too, but I meant a goat. What lives on a farm, has feathers and lays eggs?"
"A chicken"
"That's correct too but I meant a duck."
Little Jack, getting annoyed, asks the teacher: "What goes into your mouth hard, and comes out soft and wet?"
The teacher starts blushing.
"That's correct too but I meant chewing gum."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Using the letters P S N I E... name a part of the human body that works best when e**....
If you answered "SPINE" You are correct
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I don't need s**... because....
My auto correct ducks me daily.
It is not right to call little people midgets .
That is not the correct gnomenclature.
A student receives a bad grade on his exam
And he goes to talk to the teacher, convinced that he's been graded unfairly.
He says to the teacher "I think I deserve some points on these questions, even if my answers weren't entirely correct!"
The teacher sighs and says "ok, I'll take another look at your exam".
The student comes home, and his mother asks him "so how did the exam go?". He replies: "the teacher thought it was remarkable!'
They say if you do what you love, you'll never work a day in your life...
And they're absolutely correct because the only thing I love is not working.
I hate my job.... goodnight
A man and a women are in Hawaii on their honeymoon
They start arguing over the pronunciation of "Hawaii".
The man says it is pronounced "Hawaii" while the woman firmly believes it is pronounced "Havaii".
The woman is sick of this silly argument interfering with their vacation so she asks a local how it is pronounced and he says "Havaii".
The woman was elated to hear that she was correct and thanks the local for his help.
He responds, "You're Velcome".
Best way to learn about your problems is
Identify 1 mistake in your wife and ask her to correct it.
In response she will help you identify ALL of your problems, your parents problems, all of your relatives and your friends problems.
Just saw an ape and a monkey debating what the correct way to refer to them is.
I think they're just arguing simiantics.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton-b**... and a ball of string on the counter.
The sales girl says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?"
He answers, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's so much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own... so does she."
The teacher asks, "Flora, what part of the human body increases ten times when excited?"
Flora blushes and says, "That's disgusting, I won't even answer that question." The teacher calls on Johnny: "What part of the human body increases ten times when excited?" "That's easy," says Johnny. "It's the pupil of the eye." "Very good, Johnny," responds the teacher. "That's correct." She then turns to Flora and says, "First, you didn't do your homework. Second, you have a dirty mind. And third, you're in for a BIG disappointment."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You know what people in wheelchairs can't stand
Correct.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
They say that s**... is the best form of exercise
Correct me if I'm wrong but I don't think 2 minutes and 15 seconds every three months is going to shift this beer belly.
