Corpse Jokes

Following is our collection of coroner humor and forensics one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Corpse puns for adults, dirty necrophile jokes or clean cremate gags for kids.

There is an abundance of necrophiliac jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 60 funniest jokes on corpse. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any carcasses witze you can hear about corpse.

The Best jokes about Corpse

A little girl runs up to her mother and says "mummy, daddy hanged himself in the basement!"

Upon hearing the news the mother breaks down in tears and, shakily, makes her way into the basement.

When they get there, the woman cannot see the father's corpse.
The little girl then exclaims "April fools! Daddy did it in the garage"

An old man is dying..

His grandson asks him, "papa.. What will happen to your body when you die?" the grandfather looks up weakly at him and says, "I decay...". Just then his monitor flat lines and the boy sat wondering why his grandfather didnt know what would happen to his corpse.

I just murdered a tree and put its decorated corpse on display in my living room.

For Jesus.

How many corpses does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

It must be more than eight, 'cause my basement's still dark.

How do you make a human corpse float?

Two scoops ice cream, one scoop human corpse, and half a liter of root beer.


Two cannibals are settling down to have a meal...

.... They agree that it is best if each of them start at one end of the corpse. After a few minutes, the one who started at the head asks "how's it going down there?"

The other replies: "oh, I'm having a ball over here..."

The first yells: "Oi, slow down, you're eating too fast!"

Steve jobs would have been a better president than Trump.

Although that isn't really fair to say, since any other corpse would be too.

if Newton heard someone suggest his corpse could move without an external force acting upon it...

...he would roll over in his grave.

Why was Donkey Kongs corpse smelling?

It was beginning to DK

What do you call a Muslim woman with an opinion?

A corpse.

One night, a Police officer knocks on a woman's door...

"Ma'am", he says, removing his hat, "we have bad and good news".

"bad news first" the woman replies.

"I'm sorry, but a serial killer attacked your husband, cut his skin off and threw his corpse in the harbor"

The woman begins crying. "so what's the good news?"

"When we pulled him up he had 20 four-pound lobsters crawling on him. Want one?"

"No way. that's disgusting!" the woman sobbed

"Well, if you change your mind, we're pulling him up again tomorrow"


Dirty Joke

My sex life with my wife has started degrading.

Guess it's time to Bury her corpse

Is joke from Latvia. I tell now.

Latvian try to cross river. Has dog, potatoes, and dead son's body. Can only take two across river at one time. If he leave dog with potatoes or corpse, dog eat them. Is very sad. Also is not good boat.

Two cannibals stumble upon a corpse

They decide to eat the body. One started at the head while the other began with the feet. As they were eating, the face eater asks the other, How's it going?

The foot chewer replies I am having a ball.

Slow down, you're eating too fast 

How does a corpse write music?

He decomposes.

I should have known the free corpse offer was a scam....

The scheme was a dead giveaway!

What so you call a corpse that won't admit it's own sexuality?

A skeleton in the closet.

the bear and his list

It's rumored in the forest, that the bear has a deathlist with the names of all animals he's going to kill. All of the animals are worried about that rumor.

The deer decides first to go to the bear's cave and ask him out about his list.
Deer: "Is it true, that you have a deathlist?"
Bear: "Yes, that's true."
Deer: "And is my name on the list?"
Bear: "Yep."

In panic, the deer runs out of the cave and into the woods. The next day the other animals find the deer's corpse in the forest - brutally murdered and without his head.

Then boar also decides to ask out the bear about his list and visits him in his cave.
Boar: "So there's your list..."
Bear: "Yes, that's my list."
Boar: "You know... is my name on it?"
Bear: "Yes, your name is on my list."

Same as the deer, the boar flees in panic and the next day the animals also find the boar's corpse in the forest.

So the rabbit starts to think about the situation. He decides also to visit the bear.
Rabbit: "So, bear, I heard you have a death list."
Bear: "Yes, I have a deathlist."
Rabbit: "And is my name on this list?"
Bear: "Yes, your name is also on my list."
Rabbit: "Okay... is it possible to delete my name from the list?"

The bear just responds: "Sure, no problem."

Two hillbillies are discussing plans for dinner

After throwing ideas back and forth of what to cook, their eyes catch some roadkill on the side of the road. One of them eagerly suggests, "how about Himalayan Woodchuck?"

"Himalayan Woodchuck?" the other hillbilly scoffed. "What in the devil is that?"

"You know," the other says, gesturing towards the corpse, "because we found Himalayan on the side of the road."


How many corpses does it take to change a lightbulb?

Apparently more than 3, because it's been a week and my basement is still dark.

Things you shouldn't do at a funeral:

The corpse.

What does a rotting corpse say?

idk

Dracula checks into a hotel in New York City, calls rooms service and asks for an Italian busboy to bring him a pizza. The busboy arrives, Dracula bites him in the neck, sucks every last drop of blood out of him and throws him out of the window...

The corpse of the busboy hits a homeless guy, who is sleeping in the alley below.

When Dracula does this two more times, the man finally gets fed up, goes to the police and when they ask him what his complaint is, he screams, "Drained wops keep falling on my head!"

If a fish died in the ocean...

...does it become a marine corpse?

A blonde, brunette, and a red head...

So a blonde, brunette,and a red head are each forced to kill their husbands and dispose of the corpse. They all kill their victim and have the responsibility of disposing of the body so they all throw the body in the trunks of their cars. Now, they each have to drive to the location where they can safely dispose of the body. The red head gets in her car and decides she'll drive in the left lane since that's the fast lane, so she can go fast, get to the location quickly, and dispose of the body. A cop pulls her over for going too fast, she gets a ticket but gets back on her way to get rid of the body, no problem. Brunette gets into her car decides she'll drive in the right lane since that's the lane with slower traffic, to not look suspicious. Cop pulls her over for driving too slow and impeding traffic, gives her a ticket but she continues on her way, no problem. Blonde gets into her car decides to drive in the HOV lane since she never sees anyone there it'll be a smooth ride to the location. Cop pulls her over for driving in the HOV lane with only person. Cop writes her a ticket for that, blonde reads the ticket and says "No, officer, I'm not the only person in the car I have my husband in the trunk.

Made it up myself not the best but I think it is OC

What is the difference between a corpse and a homeless person?

The corpse has a permanent place to stay.

Do mummies enjoy being mummies?

Of corpse!

What is the best place to hide a corpse?

On the second page of Google

Why did the corpse miss her wedding?

cold feet

Where's the best place to hide a corpse?

The second page of search results.

What do you call sodium chloride beating someone up with Bruce Lee's corpse?

A salt with a dead Lee weapon

Samantha got married

Samantha got married. And on the first day of their honeymoon, she and her husband had a fight. After a few hours of screaming and yelling Samantha cries and calls her mother.

Samamtha: "Ma, me and Steve had a fight."

Mother: "Oh, my dear Samantha, don't worry. I too had a fight with your father on our honeymonn."

Samantha: "And what did you do with the corpse?"

Police investigating the feline corpse discovered in a Zerox machine.....

have said this may be a copy cat killing

Why is the number 288 like a rotten corpse?

It's two gross.

What do you call an attractive primate corpse in Saudi Arabia?

Haram bae

What does a corpse and a phone-booth have in common?

I don't need permission to come inside either.

What is it called when 4 men gang rape a corpse?

Having a cold one with the boys.

On a hunch, I tried looking for the murderer at the corpse auction.

As soon as the auctioneer started it was a dead giveaway.

Do you think corpses are funny?

They are dead serious.

In 1944, a unit of zombie dolphins were deployed by the allies to assist in the invasion of Normandy.

They were named the marine corpse

Did you hear about the patriotic zombie who wanted to serve his country?

He joined the Marine Corpse.

Police baffed by grave robber

Local police were having a hard time catching a grave robber. He figured he would minimize his time in the graveyard by taking the whole corpse so he could take fillings out at his leisure. To hide the evidence he was adopting out the skeletons to worthy goths on Craig's List.

Turns out that was a dead give away.

What's the difference between the 2016 presidential debates and a pen of baboons relentlessly fighting over the dead stinking corpse of a sheep?

Microphones!

What's the difference between a nurse and a corpse?

None, both of them turn on sick people.

What's the difference between a shirt and a corpse?

One's a casualty and the other is a casual tee

I ran over a child who was on his way to band practice carrying his cymbals. I'll never forget that horrible sound as I rolled past his motionless corpse.

Ba dum tiss

What do you call a person who loves having sex with a black corpse.

A Negrophiliac.

A corpse walks into a bar...

And asks the bartender for a lemonade.

"Of course!" says the bartender, "I've never seen a stiff drink!"

Courtesy of the video game Fable 3.

What's the best part of dating a coroner?

I don't have to decide between a warm body or the smell of corpse.

What do you call it when someone dies on the Lewis and Clark Expedition?

Corpse of Discovery

My wife and I are doing role reversal to spice up our sex life...

She's going to be the aggressor, and I'm going to lay there like a corpse.

In Hinduism, cows are sacred, are to be revered and certainly should not be eaten.

However, the Christians eat Jesus' corpse.

The only way Donald Trump could have caused more offense

this past year is by fisting the corpse of the Cecil the Lion.

What do you call a programmer who never creates bugs?

A corpse.

Two cannibals are eating a corpse during a blizzard

One sees a figure in the distance and asks, "You think that was Dad?"

The other says, "Yeah I thought that tasted familiar"

So, a corpse walks into a bar...

"Can I have a lemonade?" He asks the bartender.

The bartender says "Sure, I've never seen a stiff drink."

You cannot serve two masters at one time

But if you wait for the guests to finish the first, before you bring out the second, you could make it a multi corpse meal.

A monk had sex with a practically decomposed corpse.

It was considered a grave offense.

(True story in the Buddhist "Book Of Discipline volume 1")

"I put that corpse in a body bag!"

– a coroner who thinks he did a really good job

If a zombie is bad at golf

Would it be par for the corpse?

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes