Corpse Jokes
82 corpse jokes and hilarious corpse puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about corpse that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Get ready to laugh and groan at these clever and morbid jokes about corpses! Learn about the different roles and duties of a pathologist, mortician, and coroner, and hear how they relate to the popular movie "Corpse Bride".
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Funniest Corpse Short Jokes
Short corpse jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The corpse humour may include short dead body jokes also.
- How many corpses does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It must be more than eight, 'cause my basement's still dark.
- I just murdered a tree and put its decorated corpse on display in my living room. For Jesus.
- How do you make a human corpse float? Two scoops ice cream, one scoop human corpse, and half a liter of root beer.
- Steve jobs would have been a better president than Trump. Although that isn't really fair to say, since any other corpse would be too.
- Offering corpses for free isnt just a sign that someone might be crazy It's a dead giveaway
- if Newton heard someone suggest his corpse could move without an external force acting upon it... ...he would roll over in his grave.
- You know how many corpses it takes to screw in a lightbulb? Well, it's not eight, because the crawl space is still dark.
- If you walk up to a house… If you walk up to a house and see a sign saying free corpses, that's a dead giveaway
- This is terrible, and I'd like to apologize in advance, but could anyone tell me why hipsters prefer corpses over zombies? Corpses are still underground.
- How many corpses does it take to change a lightbulb? Apparently more than 3, because it's been a week and my basement is still dark.
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Corpse One Liners
Which corpse one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with corpse? I can suggest the ones about morgue and skeleton.
- Why was Donkey Kongs corpse smelling? It was beginning to DK
- Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 keeps mangled corpses in a box in his garage
- What do you call a Muslim woman with an opinion? A corpse.
- I just set my new dead lifting record. 3 corpses.
- How does a corpse write music? He decomposes.
- What so you call a corpse that won't admit it's own sexuality? A skeleton in the closet.
- I should have known the free corpse offer was a scam.... The scheme was a dead giveaway!
- What is a big dinner for a cannibal? A three-corpse meal.
- What does a rotting corpse say? idk
- Can zombies do yoga? Of corpse knot!
- If a fish died in the ocean... ...does it become a marine corpse?
- Do mummies enjoy being mummies? Of corpse!
- Why did the corpse miss her wedding? cold feet
- Where's the best place to hide a corpse? The second page of search results.
- What is the best place to hide a corpse? On the second page of Google
Fun-Filled Corpse Jokes to Make You and Your Friends Chuckle & Giggle
What funny jokes about corpse you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean torso jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make corpse pranks.
Dirty Joke
My s**... life with my wife has started degrading.
Guess it's time to Bury her corpse
A joke i came up with.
dective: time of death 4:20
police officer: eyyyy
dective: eyyyyy
corpse: eyyyy
What should you do if you find the corpse of a r**... woman in the woods?
Check your bearings, you're going in circles.
Did you hear about the patriotic zombie who wanted to serve his country?
He joined the Marine Corpse.
Samantha got married
Samantha got married. And on the first day of their honeymoon, she and her husband had a fight. After a few hours of screaming and yelling Samantha cries and calls her mother.
Samamtha: "Ma, me and Steve had a fight."
Mother: "Oh, my dear Samantha, don't worry. I too had a fight with your father on our honeymonn."
Samantha: "And what did you do with the corpse?"
Two cannibals are settling down to have a meal...
.... They agree that it is best if each of them start at one end of the corpse. After a few minutes, the one who started at the head asks "how's it going down there?"
The other replies: "oh, I'm having a ball over here..."
The first yells: "Oi, slow down, you're eating too fast!"
The only way Donald Trump could have caused more offense
this past year is by f**... the corpse of the Cecil the Lion.
A corpse walks into a bar...
And asks the bartender for a lemonade.
"Of course!" says the bartender, "I've never seen a stiff drink!"
Courtesy of the video game Fable 3.
I ran over a child who was on his way to band practice carrying his cymbals. I'll never forget that horrible sound as I rolled past his motionless corpse.
Ba dum tiss
An old man is dying..
His grandson asks him, "papa.. What will happen to your body when you die?" the grandfather looks up weakly at him and says, "I decay...". Just then his monitor flat lines and the boy sat wondering why his grandfather didnt know what would happen to his corpse.
In Hinduism, cows are sacred, are to be revered and certainly should not be eaten.
However, the Christians eat Jesus' corpse.
What do you call an attractive primate corpse in Saudi Arabia?
Haram bae
What's the difference between the 2016 presidential debates and a pen of baboons relentlessly fighting over the dead stinking corpse of a sheep?
Microphones!
On a hunch, I tried looking for the m**... at the corpse auction.
As soon as the auctioneer started it was a dead giveaway.
My wife and I are doing role reversal to spice up our s**... life...
She's going to be the aggressor, and I'm going to lay there like a corpse.
What do you call sodium chloride beating someone up with Bruce Lee's corpse?
A salt with a dead Lee weapon
So, a corpse walks into a bar...
"Can I have a lemonade?" He asks the bartender.
The bartender says "Sure, I've never seen a stiff drink."
What do you call a programmer who never creates bugs?
A corpse.
Police baffed by grave robber
Local police were having a hard time catching a grave robber. He figured he would minimize his time in the graveyard by taking the whole corpse so he could take fillings out at his leisure. To hide the evidence he was adopting out the skeletons to worthy goths on Craig's List.
Turns out that was a dead give away.
Do you think corpses are funny?
They are dead serious.
What is it called when 4 men gang r**... a corpse?
Having a cold one with the boys.
Police investigating the feline corpse discovered in a Zerox machine.....
have said this may be a copy cat killing
Two cannibals are eating a corpse during a blizzard
One sees a figure in the distance and asks, "You think that was Dad?"
The other says, "Yeah I thought that tasted familiar"
Things you shouldn't do at a f**...:
The corpse.
Is joke from Latvia. I tell now.
Latvian try to cross river. Has dog, potatoes, and dead son's body. Can only take two across river at one time. If he leave dog with potatoes or corpse, dog eat them. Is very sad. Also is not good boat.
What do you call a person who loves having s**... with a black corpse.
A Negrophiliac.
What's the best part of dating a coroner?
I don't have to decide between a warm body or the smell of corpse.
A monk had s**... with a practically decomposed corpse.
It was considered a grave offense.
(True story in the Buddhist "Book Of Discipline volume 1")
In 1944, a unit of zombie dolphins were deployed by the allies to assist in the invasion of Normandy.
They were named the marine corpse
What's the difference between a shirt and a corpse?
One's a casualty and the other is a casual tee
Why is the number 288 like a rotten corpse?
It's two g**....
You cannot serve two masters at one time
But if you wait for the guests to finish the first, before you bring out the second, you could make it a multi corpse meal.
What is the difference between a corpse and a homeless person?
The corpse has a permanent place to stay.
Two h**... are discussing plans for dinner
After throwing ideas back and forth of what to cook, their eyes catch some roadkill on the side of the road. One of them eagerly suggests, "how about Himalayan Woodchuck?"
"Himalayan Woodchuck?" the other h**... scoffed. "What in the devil is that?"
"You know," the other says, gesturing towards the corpse, "because we found Himalayan on the side of the road."
A vulture walks into an airplane with a rotting corpse.
The flight attendant screams, You cannot bring that on this plane. The vulture says, It's just my carrion.
Two cannibals stumble upon a corpse
They decide to eat the body. One started at the head while the other began with the feet. As they were eating, the face eater asks the other, How's it going?
The foot chewer replies I am having a ball.
Slow down, you're eating too fast
What's the difference between a nurse and a corpse?
None, both of them turn on sick people.
What does a corpse and a phone-booth have in common?
I don't need permission to come inside either.
"I put that corpse in a body bag!"
– a coroner who thinks he did a really good job
What do you call it when someone dies on the Lewis and Clark Expedition?
Corpse of Discovery
A little girl runs up to her mother and says "mummy, daddy hanged himself in the basement!"
Upon hearing the news the mother breaks down in tears and, shakily, makes her way into the basement.
When they get there, the woman cannot see the father's corpse.
The little girl then exclaims "April fools! Daddy did it in the garage"
I work at a crematorium, and recently received an unclaimed corpse that came with a note that read: inherited wealth—never worked a day in his life. So I cremated him, and put his ashes in an hour glass...
he's been working ever since.
A man was stranded on an island and was visited by a genie who gave him one wish.
3 weeks later rescuers found a corpse with a 3 foot d**....
Two corpses are lying in a grave and one turns to the other and says, Dude, why are you rotting?
The other turns to him and says, I decay.
Why was the corpse late for the f**...?
They had to rehearse on the way.
What's a corpses favorite workout?
The deadlift
Police raided a tautology club.
They found a fatally murdered body of a dead corpse.
Cop: Sir, I know it's tough, but we need you to ID the body.
Me looking at the corpse: *takes a deep breath* Are-are you over 21?
