Coroner Jokes

Following is our collection of homicide puns and autopsy one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Coroner jokes for adults, dirty posterity jokes and clean morgue dad gags for kids.

The Best Coroner Puns

Today my son threw a quarter in the well at the mall and said "I wish my dad was dead." And because of his attitide we went home without buying anything.

When we got to our house we saw an ambulance and the coroner at Jim's house, apparently he had a freak heart attack about thirty minutes before hand, it was odd because he was a personal trainer and in great shape, my wife seemed real upset by his passing. Though it was strange because I've never even seen them speak to eachother.

Three bodies are delivered to the mortuary one day. Each of them has a great big smile on their face.

The coroner examines the bodies and then calls the police to tell them what has happened...

"Well, the first body is a Frenchman, who had a heart attack while making love to his mistress, hence the smile." says the coroner.

Second body's a Scotsman, 25, won the lottery and spent all his money on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."

"Ah!" says the coroner. "This is the most unusual one. Sean, the Irishman, 30, struck by lightning."

"Why is *he* smiling then?"

"He thought he was having his picture taken."


*My grandfather told me this one as a kid so I hope you enjoyed!*

Three dead bodies are delivered to the mortuary one day. Each of them has a great big smile on their face. The coroner examines the bodies and then calls the police to tell them what has happened...

"Well, the first body is a Frenchman, 60, who died of heart failure while making love to his mistress, hence the enormous smile." says the coroner.

"Second body's a Scotsman, 25, won a thousand dollars in the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."

"Ok, so what about the third body?"

"Ah!" says the coroner. "This is the most unusual one. Billy-Bob the redneck from Oklahoma, 30, struck by lightning."

"Why is *he* smiling then?"

"He thought he was having his picture taken."

Did you hear about the coroner who always was early for his shift?

He could not wait to get to work and crack open a cold one.

Where do dead people buy their cigarettes?

At the coroner store.


A long day at the hospital

After a long day working at the hospital 3 doctors are walking home:

- "After seeing so many patients, it's really nice to see normal, healthy people" says the first doctor, a GP
- "Not only that, they are actually alive" answers the coroner
- "Who cares about all that! Just look at all those faces! Lovely, lovely human faces!" shouts the proctologist

Brainless Lawyers

In a murder trial, the defense attorney was cross-examining the coroner:

"Before you signed the death certificate, did you take the pulse, listen to the heart or check for breathing?"

"No."

"So, when you signed the death certificate, you weren't sure the man was dead, were you?"

"Well, the man's brain was in a jar on my desk, but I suppose he could have still been practicing law for a living."

Why can't female medical examiners have kids?

Because nobody puts baby in a coroner.
Hey, at least it was original, again I will see myself out.

Coroner: "i came across my exe wife at the morgue last night."

Doctor: "was it hard to take?"

Coroner: "not really, I'm used to her ignoring me."

My best friend died from inhaling too much bug spray.

The coroner said he offed himself.

Michael Stipe has died but so far only two people know.

That's me n' the coroner.


Coroner's Report

Coroner: Report complete.


Police: What was the cause of death?


Coroner: The cause of death was that I sliced him open and performed an autopsy.

Who knew George Michael's "Last Christmas"...

was about the coroner?

R.I.P.

Today a man died after jumping into a waste treatment facility.
The coroner ruled it a sewercide.

What do you call a Coronavirus expert?

A coroner.

The Police are looking into George Michaels' death.

When the press asked if an autopsy would be performed, the coroner was quoted as saying: "Well I guess it would be nice, if I could touch his body."

What did the lead coroner do when he and the other coroners were asked to perform an autopsy?

He cracked open a cold one with the boys.

Death

Is always right around the coroner!

What's the best part of dating a coroner?

I don't have to decide between a warm body or the smell of corpse.


Who do you call when a popcorn gets murdered?

The pop coroner

Coroners and morticians must be extremely popular.

People are always dying to meet them.

What did the coroner rule as the cause of death for the guy who committed suicide by running his truck in a closed garage?

Exhaustion

My necrophiliac friend finally achieved his boyhood ambition.

After years of non-stop studying, practice, and dedication, he finally became coroner.

Why did the jealous coroner kill his girlfriend?

So he cadaver all to himself.

"I put that corpse in a body bag!"

– a coroner who thinks he did a really good job

Coroner: I have to say that the victim died at precisely 11 45 pm.

Detective: Are you positive?

Coroner: Its difficult with so many dead bodies lying around, but I'm hanging in there.

Bet the coroner never thought he would be pulling the Cranberry out of the fridge this soon after Christmas.

They say that Princess Diana gave her heart to the people.

They were wrong, the coroner found it in the glove compartment

Taking home work has never been more satisfying

I love being a coroner!

What is the similarity between a coroner and an alcoholic?

They both start the day with a cold one from the case...

I believe the victim was in love with his killer, said the coroner

He had butterflies in his stomach.

A perk of a career at the morgue is you always get the coroner office.

The only downside is the stiff competition.

Have you heard Michael Stipe has died?

No? That's unsurprising seeing only two people know. That's me 'n the coroner

My female colleague asked me to show her the abs, but I obviously refused.

My body, my rules. Being a coroner really sucks sometimes.

What did the WH's coroner say as he unbuckled his belt?

It's not right, but it's OK

There is an abundance of trauma jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 35 funniest jokes and coroner puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any magistrate witze you can hear about coroner.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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