Coroner Jokes
48 coroner jokes and hilarious coroner puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about coroner that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Coroner Short Jokes
Short coroner jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The coroner humour may include short sheriff jokes also.
- Did you hear about the prince who caught Covid from his father? He was next in line to be Coronated.
- Did you hear about the coroner who always was early for his shift? He could not wait to get to work and crack open a cold one.
- "God Save the Queen" seems an ill-fitting anthem following the coronation of King Charles III The obvious choice for the replacement is the "Charles in Charge" theme song.
- Coroner: "i came across my exe wife at the morgue last night." Doctor: "was it hard to take?"
Coroner: "not really, I'm used to her ignoring me." - The coroner has released Norm Macdonald's official cause of death you guessed it, Frank Stallone
- It wasn't easy for a group of hobbits to see their dead friend at the coroner's office. Because one does not simply walk in the morgue door.
- Some people say that Coroners don't talk much. I've always found them excellent at getting people to open up.
- R.I.P. Today a man died after jumping into a waste treatment facility.
The coroner ruled it a sewercide. - Trump stated that all Americans will live like royalty by the end of his term More than 2 million people have been coronated already.
- When the coroner's report came back, it stated my nine month old son had died due to neglect… Nothing to do with me though, I was at the bar at the time…
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Coroner One Liners
Which coroner one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with coroner? I can suggest the ones about funeral director and investigator.
- Where do dead people buy their cigarettes? At the coroner store.
- King Charles's coronation date has been revealed. It's Camilla.
- Michael Stipe has died but so far only two people know. That's me n' the coroner.
- Where do you buy embalming fluid? At the coroner store.
- Who knew George Michael's "Last Christmas"... was about the coroner?
- What do you call it when someone coughs or sneezes in 2020? A coronal mass ejection
- What do you call a Coronavirus expert? A coroner.
- Death Is always right around the coroner!
- Who do you call when a popcorn gets murdered? The pop coroner
- What happens when you drink too much Corona? A Coronal mass ejection.
- Why are squares so sad? Because, they have four coroners.
- Taking home work has never been more satisfying I love being a coroner!
- What did the WH's coroner say as he unbuckled his belt?
It's not right, but it's OK - What do you call an Asian coroner? A colonel
- Coroners have to go to the gym often You know, to work on their deadlift.
Happy Coroner Jokes for a Lighthearted Night with Friends
What funny jokes about coroner you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean mortuary jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make coroner pranks.
Today my son threw a quarter in the well at the mall and said "I wish my dad was dead." And because of his attitide we went home without buying anything.
When we got to our house we saw an ambulance and the coroner at Jim's house, apparently he had a freak heart attack about thirty minutes before hand, it was odd because he was a personal trainer and in great shape, my wife seemed real upset by his passing. Though it was strange because I've never even seen them speak to eachother.
Cross-examination of a coroner
"Did you check the victim's pulse?"
"No, I did not."
"Did you check if the victim's breathing had stopped?"
"No, I did not."
"Did you check for any signs of brainwave activity?"
"No, I did not."
"Then how do you even know the victim is dead?"
"Well, his brain is in a jar on my desk right now, but for all I know he might be out practicing law somewhere."
Three bodies are delivered to the mortuary one day. Each of them has a great big smile on their face.
The coroner examines the bodies and then calls the police to tell them what has happened...
"Well, the first body is a Frenchman, who had a heart attack while making love to his mistress, hence the smile." says the coroner.
Second body's a Scotsman, 25, won the lottery and spent all his money on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."
"Ah!" says the coroner. "This is the most unusual one. Sean, the Irishman, 30, struck by lightning."
"Why is *he* smiling then?"
"He thought he was having his picture taken."
*My grandfather told me this one as a kid so I hope you enjoyed!*
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three dead bodies are delivered to the mortuary one day. Each of them has a great big smile on their face. The coroner examines the bodies and then calls the police to tell them what has happened...
"Well, the first body is a Frenchman, 60, who died of heart failure while making love to his mistress, hence the enormous smile." says the coroner.
"Second body's a Scotsman, 25, won a thousand dollars in the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."
"Ok, so what about the third body?"
"Ah!" says the coroner. "This is the most unusual one. Billy-Bob the r**... from Oklahoma, 30, struck by lightning."
"Why is *he* smiling then?"
"He thought he was having his picture taken."
A long day at the hospital
After a long day working at the hospital 3 doctors are walking home:
- "After seeing so many patients, it's really nice to see normal, healthy people" says the first doctor, a GP
- "Not only that, they are actually alive" answers the coroner
- "Who cares about all that! Just look at all those faces! Lovely, lovely human faces!" shouts the proctologist
My wife was inhaling popcorn and nearly choked to death on an un-popped kernel.
I almost had to call the popcoroner.
(Real life: my wife really was eating popcorn with no breathing in between and I said maybe slow down so you don't choke on that. I don't want to have to call the pop coroner , and she abruptly started laughing and, I swear, choked on some (non-fatal). So I decided to present my ad-lib here, as a joke. At least I (and you) can be sure it's no repost!)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Brainless Lawyers
In a m**... trial, the defense attorney was cross-examining the coroner:
"Before you signed the death certificate, did you take the pulse, listen to the heart or check for breathing?"
"No."
"So, when you signed the death certificate, you weren't sure the man was dead, were you?"
"Well, the man's brain was in a jar on my desk, but I suppose he could have still been practicing law for a living."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Defense!
In a m**... trial, the defense attorney was cross-examining a pathologist:
Attorney: Before you signed the death certificate, had you taken the pulse? Coroner: No.
Attorney: Did you listen to the heart? Coroner: No.
Attorney: Did you check for breathing? Coroner: No.
Attorney: So, when you signed the death certificate, you weren't sure the man was dead, were you?
Coroner: Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was sitting in a jar on my desk. But I guess it's possible he could be out there practicing law somewhere!
One day Ole's wife Lena died.
When Ole called the coroner he told them in a heavy norwegian accent that they lived on eucalyptus street.
The operator (unable to understand) asked if he could spell it.
Ole replied. "Ill just drag her over to "Oak"
The Police are looking into George Michaels' death.
When the press asked if an autopsy would be performed, the coroner was quoted as saying: "Well I guess it would be nice, if I could touch his body."
What did the lead coroner do when he and the other coroners were asked to perform an autopsy?
He cracked open a cold one with the boys.
What's the best part of dating a coroner?
I don't have to decide between a warm body or the smell of corpse.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"I put that corpse in a body bag!"
– a coroner who thinks he did a really good job
My necrophiliac friend finally achieved his boyhood ambition.
After years of non-stop studying, practice, and dedication, he finally became coroner.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the coroner rule as the cause of death for the guy who committed s**... by running his truck in a closed garage?
Exhaustion
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did the jealous coroner kill his girlfriend?
So he cadaver all to himself.
Coroner: I have to say that the victim died at precisely 11 45 pm.
Detective: Are you positive?
Coroner: Its difficult with so many dead bodies lying around, but I'm hanging in there.
What is the similarity between a coroner and an alcoholic?
They both start the day with a cold one from the case...
I believe the victim was in love with his killer, said the coroner
He had butterflies in his stomach.
A perk of a career at the morgue is you always get the coroner office.
The only downside is the stiff competition.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My female colleague asked me to show her the abs, but I obviously refused.
My body, my rules. Being a coroner really s**... sometimes.
Bet the coroner never thought he would be pulling the Cranberry out of the fridge this soon after Christmas.
