corn Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious corn puns

Two high school graduates are discussing their future college plans. The first says "I'm planning on going into farming, it's what my father did and it makes good money." The second asks "What type of farming? Wheat, corn, livestock?"

"I don't know man, there are so many fields to choose from."

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Corniest joke I know.

Two friars decide to open up a business selling flowers in LA. They settup a booth right outside of Hugh Hefners playboy mansion. After about a week, their business wasnt going so well and it was also driving away people from the playboy mansion seeing two friars outside.

Eventually Hugh Hefner himself came out and put a stop to all of this.

The point of the story is: Only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

Badum psh

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What did baby corn say to mommy corn?

Where's popcorn?

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Feed a man corn and he will eat for a day

Teach a man to grow corn, he will kill your people and steal your land

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Give a man corn and he eats for a day.

Teach a man to grow corn and he'll kill you and steal your land.

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What did baby corn say to momma corn?

where is popcorn?

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What happens if you castrate a corn cob?

It becomes a eunuchcorn.

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What's the difference between a corn farmer with seizures and a prostitute with diarrhea?

One shucks between fits, the other fucks betweens shits

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What do grouchy people eat for breakfast?

Fucking corn flakes

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Since it's so close to Thanksgiving, remember this

Give a man some corn, he eats for a day. Teach a man to grow corn, he kills you and steals your land!

Happy Thanksgiving from your friendly, neighborhood Native American!

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A blonde calls her husband at work one day and asks him, "Can you help me when you get home?"

"Sure," he replies. "What's the problem?"

"Well, I started a really hard puzzle and I can't even find the edge pieces."

"Look on the box," he said. "There's always a picture of what the puzzle is."

"It's a big rooster," she said.

The husband arrives home and tells his blonde wife, "Okay, put the corn flakes back in the box."

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Willpower

I'd just come out of the shop with a roast beef sandwich, large chips, ear of corn, & a jumbo sausage. A poor, homeless man sat there and said 'I haven't eaten for two days.'

I told him, 'I wish I had your will power.'

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A man was in a psych ward for thinking he was a piece of corn.

He was finally cured and set free, but immediatelly came back to the mental hospital trembling in fear. When asked why, he said, "there's a chicken outside."



Doctor: "but sir, you do know you're human right? Not a piece of corn."



Patient: "of course I know that! But does the chicken know?!"

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Why is it risky to tell secrets on a farm?

The corn have ears, the potatoes have eyes and the beanstalk.

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A farmer finds a shoebox under his wife's side of the bed

The box contained two ears of corn and $4000. He went to his wife
Farmer: What's this?
Wife: I have a confession to make. Whenever I cheated on you I put an ear of corn in the box.

The farmer gasps, then thinks "50 years of marriage...only twice..that's not too awful.

Farmer: What about the $4000?
Wife: Whenever I got a bushel I sold it.

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How much does a pirate pay for corn?

A buck an ear

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Corn

Give a white man an ear of corn, he eats for a day
Teach a white man to grow corn, he steals all your land

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A caring son

It seems a farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon load of corn.

The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise. "Hey Willis!! " the farmer yelled. "Forget your troubles. Come in with us. Then I'll help you get the wagon up. "

"That's mighty nice of you, " Willis answered, "but I don't think Pa would like me to. "

"Aw, come on," the farmer insisted.

"Well okay," the boy finally agreed, and added, "But Pa won't like it. "

After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset. "

"Don't be foolish! " the neighbor said with a smile. "By the way, where is he? "

"Under the wagon. "

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when the boys started to swear...

There are two brothers, aged four and six.

The six year old says "You know, it's about time we started to swear."

The four year old says "OK."

The six year old says "From now on I'll say 'HELL' and you say 'ASS.'

"The four year old says "OK."

So they go downstairs and their mother says
"What would you boys like for breakfast?
"The six year old says "Oh what the hell, I'll have corn flakes."

WHACK!

The kid goes flying across the room.

The mother turns to the four year old and asks "And what would YOU like for breakfast?"

The four year old says

"I don't know, but you can bet your ass it's not corn flakes."

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(Corny)-Why did the grave keeper build a fence around the grave yard?

Cuz everyone was dying to get in.

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What did the baby corn say to mom corn?

"Where's popcorn?"

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Guy goes to a brothel... (NSFW)

He chooses a girl and they retreat to a room. He goes down on her. A moment later, he lifts his head and spits out a mouthful of corn. A bit perturbed, he resumes anyway. A moment later, he bolts up and spits out a mouthful of carrot bits. Now he's pretty freaked out, but still he resumes. Finally, he lifts his head and spits out a mouthful of English peas.
At this point, he's disgusted, and says, "damn, girl. Are you sick or something?"
"No," she says, "but the guy before you was."

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A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon load of corn.

The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, "Hey Willis forget your troubles. Come in and visit with us. I'll help you get the wagon up later."

"That's mighty nice of you," Willis answered, "but I don't think Pa would like me to."

"Aw come on boy," the farmer insisted.

"Well okay," the boy finally agreed, and added, "but Pa won't like it."

After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset."

"Don't be foolish!" the neighbor said with a smile. "By the way, where is he?"

"Under the wagon."

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A Chinese farmer tells a judge he wants a divorce...

So the judge asks him why. The farmer says, "I'm just a simple farmer, I never went to school, and I don't know very much. But I do know this: when I plant corn, I get corn; when I plant rice, I get rice; now when I plant Chinese boy and black boy comes out, something's wrong."

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What's the difference between an epileptic corn farmer and a prostitute with dysentery?

The farmer shucks between fits.

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A wife on her deathbed.

An old man is at his wife's deathbed in their home.

The old woman whispers to her husband.

"My husband, I want to show you something before I pass."

The husband replies "what is it my dear? I'll do anything you ask.."

"I want you to open the chest locker at the foot of the bed that I always kept locked."

"I will! I've always wondered what was in there."

The old man opens the chest and inside is $50,000 and 3 ears of corn.

"I have to ask honey, why is there 3 ears of corn in there."

"Well," the old woman answered. "Every time I committed adultery I would put an ear of corn in the chest."

"Oh, I forgive you my love, it's been 60 years. But why the $50 thousand?"

"When I collected a bushel, I sold it."

I read this joke in a Readers Digest in a doctors office 14 years ago. Never forgot it.

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What the corniest part of a corn field?

The corner.

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Don't tell secrets in the garden:

The potatoes have eyes

The corn has ears

And the beanstalk.

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I tried to tell my son the joke about the donkey eating corn.

He said he didn't want to hear another corny ass joke out of me.

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a guy has a crippling anxiety: he believes himself to be a kernel of corn

he seeks out the help of a therapist, who eventually has the man committed to an asylum. at the asylum, they work with him for months, until finally they have convinced him that he is NOT a kernel of corn, but in fact a man. they sign him out and he walks out the door, but not more than five minutes go by before he comes running back in.


"help! help!" he's screaming, "there's a flock of pigeons in the parking lot - they're going to eat me!"


exasperated, the shrink says to him, "but you have nothing to fear - don't you know you're a man, not a kernel of corn?"


"well of course I know that," he says, "but do the pigeons?"

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Why is corn the best vegetable to talk to?

It's all ears!

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"Cornhole"

"How about letting me have one of your women for awhile?" a pilgrim asked an Indian chief.

"That depends," the chief said, "How much money do you have?"

"I don't have a wooded nickel to my name," the pilgrim replied, "All I have is a bag of corn."

The chief accepted the corn and led the pilgrim into a teepee, where he found a beautiful Indian women who offered him her backside.

Flustered, the pilgrim asked for her vagina.

"No," she replied, "That's my money hole. You get my corn hole."

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Today's Special

A man travels to Spain and goes to a restaurant near the bull arena for a late dinner. He orders the house special and he is brought a plate with potatoes, corn, and two large meaty objects. "What's this?" he asks?

"The Matador Special, Senor," the waiter replies.

"What meat is it?" the man asks.

"Cojones," the waiter explains, "They, are the testicles of the bull who lost at the arena this afternoon."

At first the man is disgusted; but being the adventurous type, he decides to try this local delicacy. To his amazement, it is quite delicious. In fact, it is so good that he decides to come back again the next night and order it again. This time, the waiter brings out the plate, but the meaty objects are much smaller.

"What's this?" he asks the waiter.

"The Matador Special, senor," the waiter replies.

"No, no," the man objects, "I had the Matador Special yesterday and it was much bigger than this."

"Senor," the waiter explains, "the bull does not always lose."

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A customer's corn broke through her bag. I told her it was too husky.

She stared at me blankly. Something must've been wrong with her ears.

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How Much Did the Pirate Charge For Corn?

A buck an ear

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What are the most funny Corn jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Corn? Well, here are the best Corn dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Corn pick up lines to share with friends.

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