Corn Jokes

What are some Corn jokes?

Two high school graduates are discussing their future college plans. The first says "I'm planning on going into farming, it's what my father did and it makes good money." The second asks "What type of farming? Wheat, corn, livestock?"

"I don't know man, there are so many fields to choose from."

Corniest joke I know.

Two friars decide to open up a business selling flowers in LA. They settup a booth right outside of Hugh Hefners playboy mansion. After about a week, their business wasnt going so well and it was also driving away people from the playboy mansion seeing two friars outside.

Eventually Hugh Hefner himself came out and put a stop to all of this.

The point of the story is: Only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

Badum psh

What did baby corn say to mommy corn?

Where's popcorn?

Feed a man corn and he will eat for a day

Teach a man to grow corn, he will kill your people and steal your land

What happens if you castrate a corn cob?

It becomes a eunuchcorn.

Since it's so close to Thanksgiving, remember this

Give a man some corn, he eats for a day. Teach a man to grow corn, he kills you and steals your land!

Happy Thanksgiving from your friendly, neighborhood Native American!

A blonde calls her husband at work one day and asks him, "Can you help me when you get home?"

"Sure," he replies. "What's the problem?"

"Well, I started a really hard puzzle and I can't even find the edge pieces."

"Look on the box," he said. "There's always a picture of what the puzzle is."

"It's a big rooster," she said.

The husband arrives home and tells his blonde wife, "Okay, put the corn flakes back in the box."

Willpower

I'd just come out of the shop with a roast beef sandwich, large chips, ear of corn, & a jumbo sausage. A poor, homeless man sat there and said 'I haven't eaten for two days.'

I told him, 'I wish I had your will power.'

A man was in a psych ward for thinking he was a piece of corn.

He was finally cured and set free, but immediatelly came back to the mental hospital trembling in fear. When asked why, he said, "there's a chicken outside."



Doctor: "but sir, you do know you're human right? Not a piece of corn."



Patient: "of course I know that! But does the chicken know?!"

Why is it risky to tell secrets on a farm?

The corn have ears, the potatoes have eyes and the beanstalk.

A farmer finds a shoebox under his wife's side of the bed

The box contained two ears of corn and $4000. He went to his wife
Farmer: What's this?
Wife: I have a confession to make. Whenever I cheated on you I put an ear of corn in the box.

The farmer gasps, then thinks "50 years of marriage...only twice..that's not too awful.

Farmer: What about the $4000?
Wife: Whenever I got a bushel I sold it.

How much does a pirate pay for corn?

A buck an ear

Corn

Give a white man an ear of corn, he eats for a day
Teach a white man to grow corn, he steals all your land

A caring son

It seems a farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon load of corn.

The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise. "Hey Willis!! " the farmer yelled. "Forget your troubles. Come in with us. Then I'll help you get the wagon up. "

"That's mighty nice of you, " Willis answered, "but I don't think Pa would like me to. "

"Aw, come on," the farmer insisted.

"Well okay," the boy finally agreed, and added, "But Pa won't like it. "

After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset. "

"Don't be foolish! " the neighbor said with a smile. "By the way, where is he? "

"Under the wagon. "

(Corny)-Why did the grave keeper build a fence around the grave yard?

Cuz everyone was dying to get in.

A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon load of corn.

The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, "Hey Willis forget your troubles. Come in and visit with us. I'll help you get the wagon up later."

"That's mighty nice of you," Willis answered, "but I don't think Pa would like me to."

"Aw come on boy," the farmer insisted.

"Well okay," the boy finally agreed, and added, "but Pa won't like it."

After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset."

"Don't be foolish!" the neighbor said with a smile. "By the way, where is he?"

"Under the wagon."

A Chinese farmer tells a judge he wants a divorce...

So the judge asks him why. The farmer says, "I'm just a simple farmer, I never went to school, and I don't know very much. But I do know this: when I plant corn, I get corn; when I plant rice, I get rice; now when I plant Chinese boy and black boy comes out, something's wrong."

What's the difference between an epileptic corn farmer and a prostitute with dysentery?

The farmer shucks between fits.

A wife on her deathbed.

An old man is at his wife's deathbed in their home.

The old woman whispers to her husband.

"My husband, I want to show you something before I pass."

The husband replies "what is it my dear? I'll do anything you ask.."

"I want you to open the chest locker at the foot of the bed that I always kept locked."

"I will! I've always wondered what was in there."

The old man opens the chest and inside is $50,000 and 3 ears of corn.

"I have to ask honey, why is there 3 ears of corn in there."

"Well," the old woman answered. "Every time I committed adultery I would put an ear of corn in the chest."

"Oh, I forgive you my love, it's been 60 years. But why the $50 thousand?"

"When I collected a bushel, I sold it."

I read this joke in a Readers Digest in a doctors office 14 years ago. Never forgot it.

What the corniest part of a corn field?

The corner.

Don't tell secrets in the garden:

The potatoes have eyes

The corn has ears

And the beanstalk.

a guy has a crippling anxiety: he believes himself to be a kernel of corn

he seeks out the help of a therapist, who eventually has the man committed to an asylum. at the asylum, they work with him for months, until finally they have convinced him that he is NOT a kernel of corn, but in fact a man. they sign him out and he walks out the door, but not more than five minutes go by before he comes running back in.


"help! help!" he's screaming, "there's a flock of pigeons in the parking lot - they're going to eat me!"


exasperated, the shrink says to him, "but you have nothing to fear - don't you know you're a man, not a kernel of corn?"


"well of course I know that," he says, "but do the pigeons?"

Why is corn the best vegetable to talk to?

It's all ears!

Today's Special

A man travels to Spain and goes to a restaurant near the bull arena for a late dinner. He orders the house special and he is brought a plate with potatoes, corn, and two large meaty objects. "What's this?" he asks?

"The Matador Special, Senor," the waiter replies.

"What meat is it?" the man asks.

"Cojones," the waiter explains, "They, are the testicles of the bull who lost at the arena this afternoon."

At first the man is disgusted; but being the adventurous type, he decides to try this local delicacy. To his amazement, it is quite delicious. In fact, it is so good that he decides to come back again the next night and order it again. This time, the waiter brings out the plate, but the meaty objects are much smaller.

"What's this?" he asks the waiter.

"The Matador Special, senor," the waiter replies.

"No, no," the man objects, "I had the Matador Special yesterday and it was much bigger than this."

"Senor," the waiter explains, "the bull does not always lose."

A customer's corn broke through her bag. I told her it was too husky.

She stared at me blankly. Something must've been wrong with her ears.

How Much Did the Pirate Charge For Corn?

A buck an ear

It's kinda corny...

What did baby corn say to momma corn?


"Where's pop corn?"

a little corny but here it goes...what can u make with onions and baked beans?

tear gas

If Billy Mays were a farmer...

And he ran a really good corn maze during the spring, it would be called the "Amazing May Mays Maize Maze."

A New Yorker, a Nebraskan, a Georgian, and a Floridian were driving to Vegas...

After a few hours in the car, the Nebraskan suddenly rolls down his window, opens his bag, and starts chucking corn out the window.

"What are you doing that for?", the others exclaim.

"Back in Nebraska, everywhere I look I see corn. I'm going on vacation and I don't want to see any corn for a couple weeks."

The Georgian replies, "you know what? You're right; I'm sick of seeing peaches all over Georgia. I don't know why I brought them with me." He opens his window and dumps his bag of peaches out.

The Floridian, feeling inspired, opens the door and kicks the New Yorker out.

What did baby corn ask mother corn?

Where's pop corn?

Old corny joke from my childhood.

Once upon a time there were three brothers.

There names were Shadhap, Traboule and Mannars.

One day Traboule was lost so the two other brothers went to the police.

Then Mannars had to go to the washroom and told his brother to talk to the policeman.

The policeman asked, "What is your name?"

"Shadhap." the remaining brother answered.

The policeman was shocked and replied, "My word! That is quite rude! I will ask again, what is your name?"

"Shadhap!" he replied again.

"Look here son, are you looking for trouble?"

"Oh my gosh yes! How did you know?"

The policeman now furious, "Where are your manners?"

"In the toilet sir!"

~~And the policeman fainted~~

And the cop shot him.

A Brit visits America

A Brit visits America and as part of his tour, he is shown the vast corn fields of Iowa stretching away to the horizon and beyond.

"My word," he says, "What on earth do you *do* with it all?"

The farmer grins and replies, "We eat what we can and what we can't, we can."

The Brit is somewhat puzzled, but after the farmer explains, he laughs uproariously. "Well done, sir, well done!"

When he returns to the UK, a friend asks him what Americans are like. "Oh, they have a jolly good sense of humour. When I asked a farmer what he does with all of his maize, do you know what he said?"

"We consume what we are able, and what we are not, we tin."

(Corny)-What do you call a mermaid on a roof?

Aerial

What's the difference between an epileptic corn husker and a nymphomaniac with diarrhea?

One shucks between fits

A genetic botanist doesn't show up to the church picnic.

Her concerned husband finds her in her lab working feverishly on a new pesticide resistant strain of maize.

"Aren't you coming to the congregation picnic?". He asks.

"Screw them and their impossible deadlines! They told me I have until today to get the corn bred!"

Corny jokes!

Q: Why can't a bicycle stand on its own?

A: Because it's two-tired.


Q: What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises?

A: It becomes daytrogen.


Q: Where did Noah keep his bees?

A: In the Ark Hives!


Q: Can February March?

A: No, but April May.


Q: What is it called when you kill a friend?

A: Homiecide


"Fish tanks are stupid!"

"Why?"

"Fish don't even have any militaries!"

What do pirate farmers charge for their corn?

A buccaneer

Corn

Three guys are walking in the desert. They haven't had anything to drink for almost 3 days. They come across an old shack and knock on the door. An old, fat, hairy, repulsive woman opens the door. They ask for a drink and she says only if you f*ck me. The first guy says "screw that!" And storms off. The 2nd guy notices a plate of corn on the cob laying on the table. He says only if you keep your eyes closed. So he then proceeds to f*ck her with the corn until she says stop. The 3rd person does the same. They both throw the corn out the window and they get their water. They go outside and see the 1st guy. They tell him to go inside and get the water. But before they could finish the story he says "screw that! I want more of that butterd corn!"

Did you hear about the lieutenant that had to watch a corn field?

He's a colonel now

An even cornier joke

One stalk of corn said to the other stalk of corn, "Hey, can I tell you something?"

The other stalk of corn said, "I'm all ears."

What did the corn say when it was being followed?

I'm being stalked!

Gardens (only clean joke I know)

Why don't you tell secrets in a garden?

Because the corn have ears, the potatos have eyes and the beanstalk.

What do you call a corn farmer who wakes up one morning to find that complex branching pathways have been cut into his field?

amaized.

I love corn!

It's a food that always amaizes me.

I got lost in a corn field.

It was quite a maize.

Why should you never eat Jolly Green Giant vegetables?

Because he always stands over the corn and peas.

Ho ho ho....

How much would a pirate sell corn for?

About a buck an ear.

My friend told me this joke

It seems a young farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon load of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise. "Hey Willis!!" the farmer yelled. "Forget your troubles. Come in and eat dinner with us. Then I'll help you get the wagon back up." "That's mighty nice of you," Willis answered, "but I don't think Pa would like me to."

"Nonsense, come on!" the farmer insisted. "Well, okay," the boy finally agreed, "but Pa won't like it."

After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset."

"Don't be foolish!" the neighbor said with a smile. "By the way, where is your Pa?"

"Under the wagon."

Hey girl, do you live in a corn field?

Because I'm stalking you.

What's the difference between a corn husker with epilepsy and a prostitute with dysentery?

What's the difference between a corn husker with epilepsy and a prostitute with dysentery?

One shucks between fits.

What do you say when you get cornered by a gang of Italian prostitutes?

"Uh-oh, spaghetti hoes!"

Know how much a pirate pays for corn?

Bucaneer

A corn walks into a bar...

And it says to the bartender:

"Hey, wanna hear a joke?"

The bartender agrees. The corn then asks:

"What did the traffic light say to the car?"

The bartender then says: "What?"

The corn says: "DON'T LOOK! I'M CHANGING!"

The bartender shakes his head in disappointment and says:

"Didn't know what I was expecting."

Why wouldn't Dolores let William eat the corn?

Because the maize isn't meant for him.

I downloaded corn onto my computer.

It messed up the kernel.

Be sure to always whisper while in a corn maze

The walls have ears.

What did the magician say before he turned his assistant into an ear of corn?

Prepare to be a-maize-d

Giving blondes a bad name

A blonde woman is driving her car on an empty road past a field of corn one day, and spots a strange sight. In the middle of the field, a blonde girl is sitting in a rowboat, attempting to paddle to the road.

Furious, the woman stops her car and gets out. She shouts to the girl, "What are you doing out there? You look ridiculous! I'm tired of people giving blondes a bad name and making us look stupid!"

The girl replies, "I'm just trying to get back to the edge, can't you help me out?"

To this the woman says, "I would help, but I don't have a boat!"

A senior nun walks in on an novice...

... who was vigourously masturbating with a cob of corn.

The Mother Superior says: "That's disgusting! I was going to eat that, and you know I hate the taste of corn!"

What did the baby corn ask his mum?

Where's pop corn?

My friend made a flute out of a carrot...

It was impressive, and if you gave her some sheet music, she would show you just how well it played.

My other friend, who's a bit competitive, made an oboe out of corn. He said he could play anything by ear.

What did the baby corn say to its mother?

Where's popcorn?

Was that too corny for you?

If there is ever a corn army, I'll join it...

...and I'll be the colonel.

I told my girlfriend I was unfaithful

My girlfriend found blonde hair on the passenger seat of my car, so I had to say that I was cheating on her.

How embarrassing would it be if she knew I sold corn on the freeway?

Just overheard a young boy tell his friend this joke

What do you call a corn dog with no legs?

A *corn dog*, stupid! Corn dogs don't have legs!

What did the ear of corn say when he lost his leaves?

Schucks!

What did the corn boy say when he lost his kernels?

THIS SHUCKS

NSFW: Drunk driving Jethro hits two black pedestrians. Jethro asks Buford the Sheriff why he's cuffing the two dying black men...

... Buford says, "I'm arresting this one in your windshield for breaking and entering, and the other one laying in the corn field for leaving the scene of an accident"

Corners of Love

I believe the right girl for me is out there, in some corner of the earth...

But unfortunately, the earth is round.

If you made a corn labyrinth in the likeness of a deceased television pitchman...

You'd have a Billy Mays maize maze.

What do you call a potato and an ear of corn in a police car?

Starchy and Husk

(Corny) Why could nobody understand the unemployed man?

He made no cents.

How to make Corn jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Corn to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Corn? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Corn pick up lines to share with friends.

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