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Corn Jokes

173 corn jokes and hilarious corn puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about corn that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Looking for some corn-y jokes? You've come to the right place! Check out our collection of jokes about corn, farmers, and more.

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Funniest Corn Short Jokes

Short corn jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The corn humour may include short beans jokes also.

  1. I said to the woman at the deli, I'd like to buy a corned beef and pastrami, with pickles. She replied, Sorry..." "We only take cash or card.
  2. Why is it risky to tell secrets on a farm? The corn have ears, the potatoes have eyes and the beanstalk.
  3. What's the best thing about corn? It's the only food that if you really wanted to you could eat twice
  4. A cob of corn finishes his service in the army and retires as a Colonel in good standing among his field
  5. A corn farmer asked his field "are you listening?" To which the field responded "I'm all ears"
  6. Why don't gardeners ever tell secrets during the spring equinox? Because the potatoes have eyes, the corn has ears and the beans stalk!
  7. A customer's corn broke through her bag. I told her it was too husky. She stared at me blankly. Something must've been wrong with her ears.
  8. If Billy Mays were a farmer... And he ran a really good corn maze during the spring, it would be called the "Amazing May Mays Maize Maze."
  9. What's the difference between an epileptic corn husker and a nymphomaniac with diarrhea? One shucks between fits
  10. Gardens (only clean joke I know) Why don't you tell secrets in a garden?
    Because the corn have ears, the potatos have eyes and the beanstalk.

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Corn One Liners

Which corn one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with corn? I can suggest the ones about rice and horn.

  1. What did baby corn say to mommy corn? Where's popcorn?
  2. I accidentally put corn starch in my novel.. The plot thickened.
  3. What happens if you castrate a corn cob? It becomes a eunuchcorn.
  4. What does a baby corn call his dad? Popcorn.
  5. How much does a pirate pay for corn? A buck an ear
  6. What the corniest part of a corn field? The corner.
  7. Why is corn the best vegetable to talk to? It's all ears!
  8. Did you hear about the lieutenant that had to watch a corn field? He's a colonel now
  9. Who is the leader of the corn army? The kernal.
  10. What did the corn say when it was being followed? I'm being stalked!
  11. Did you hear that Mrs. Potato Head was mad at her husband? She caught him looking at corn
  12. I got lost in a corn field. It was quite a maize.
  13. I love corn! It's a food that always amaizes me.
  14. Hey girl, do you live in a corn field? Because I'm stalking you.
  15. What vegetable is the best singer? Corn, because it's always in hominy.

Corn Field Jokes

Here is a list of funny corn field jokes and even better corn field puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What do you call a corn farmer who wakes up one morning to find that complex branching pathways have been cut into his field? amaized.
  • Did you hear about the Russian plane that had to land in the middle of a corn crop? Don't worry, that pilot is the best in the field.
  • You know why corn fields are the best to tell dad jokes to? Cause they're all ears.
  • The corn industry has been doing well these past few years. It's a growing field.
  • Wanna know what's really corny? A field of corn.
  • Did you know some farmers employ horses to watch over their fields? Its hay per view corn.
  • Why was the corn farmer paranoid? Because the field has ears.
  • I find that corn fields are the best places to vent your frustrations... ...because they're all ears.
  • Why did the corn maze go back to school? It was tired of working in a dead end field.
  • Two corny jokes Why did the farmer standing in the field call 911?
    He thought he was being stalked.
    Why did the corn go to the doctor?
    It had an ear infection.

Field Corn Jokes

Here is a list of funny field corn jokes and even better field corn puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What did the unicorn say to the other unicorn? We have been out here in the fields for so long that I can't believe we made it to university corn!
  • I've decided I really dont like driving through corn fields at night They're very eerie.
  • I saw a guy cut a curvy path through a corn field... It was a-ma(i)zing.

Corn Flakes Jokes

Here is a list of funny corn flakes jokes and even better corn flakes puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A couple of bodies have been found in my town with corn flakes at the scene… I'm beginning to think we have a cereal killer
  • Which is a better partner in the bedroom, corn or grape? Grape, because when it's time to get down to business, corn flakes, but grape nuts.
  • Police have arrested a gang of Corn Flakes that they alledge committed a spree of armed robberies throughout the metro area. A Police spokesman described them as... ....cereal offenders.
  • What do you call a group of cereal boxes that never keep their word? Corn flakes
  • TIL the creator of Corn Pops also invented Cocoa Puffs, Frosted Flakes, Froot Loops, and Apple Jacks His tombstone just says "cereal entrepreneur"
  • I once accidentally poured glue in my son's corn flakes He's never talked to me again
  • Who killed the Corn Flake? The cereal killer...
  • What do you get when you put 1 tsp each of almonds, oats, corn flakes, and raisins in a bowl? A muesli/measly serving.
  • I'm a serial monogamist I'm staying faithful to my corn flakes right now.
  • Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
    A: Give her a box of corn flakes and tell her it's a jigsaw puzzle.

Corn Cobs Jokes

Here is a list of funny corn cobs jokes and even better corn cobs puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A man walks into his orchestra rehearsal... carrying some corn on the cob as his instrument.
    The conductor asks him Will you need any sheet music?
    The man replies, Nah, I'll play it by ear.
  • What is the difference between corn on the cob and corn off the cob? Now that I have your ear- there is no punchline. This has all just been a corny set up.
  • What do they call the corn-police? Cobs
  • What did John Fogerty say when he once again became trapped under Mexican corn on the cob? Oh Lord, stuck in elote again
  • What did the corn say to the turkey? Cob-ble, cob-ble, cob-ble
  • Why did the corn get fired? He was drinking on the cob.
    Sorry for the corny joke.
  • How does Perry the pea pod greet his mate Kevin the corn kernel? Morn'in cob.
  • What do you call a corn cob on a track team? A maize runner.
    Credit goes to my girlfriend.
  • What do you call a promiscuous corn cob? An easy shuck.
  • Did you hear about the drive-by where they threw corn cobs at people? It was a maize-ing!

Candy Corn Jokes

Here is a list of funny candy corn jokes and even better candy corn puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • black air force 1 candy corn jokes Eating candy corn is equivalent to wearing black air force 1 nike
  • How to eat candy corn Step one: throw it in the trash
Corn joke, How to eat candy corn

Great Corn Jokes to Share, Laugh and Enjoy with Friends

What funny jokes about corn you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean seed jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make corn pranks.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

c**... is the game

Cause Bubba aint allowed to throw horseshoes no more.

Two high school graduates are discussing their future college plans. The first says "I'm planning on going into farming, it's what my father did and it makes good money." The second asks "What type of farming? Wheat, corn, livestock?"

"I don't know man, there are so many fields to choose from."

what can u make with onions and baked beans?

tear gas

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

A senior nun walks in on an novice...

... who was vigourously m**... with a cob of corn.
The Mother Superior says: "That's disgusting! I was going to eat that, and you know I hate the taste of corn!"

A Chinese farmer tells a judge he wants a divorce...

So the judge asks him why. The farmer says, "I'm just a simple farmer, I never went to school, and I don't know very much. But I do know this: when I plant corn, I get corn; when I plant rice, I get rice; now when I plant Chinese boy and black boy comes out, something's wrong."

Willpower

I'd just come out of the shop with a roast beef sandwich, large chips, ear of corn, & a jumbo sausage. A poor, homeless man sat there and said 'I haven't eaten for two days.'
I told him, 'I wish I had your will power.'

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Corniest joke I know.

Two friars decide to open up a business selling flowers in LA. They settup a booth right outside of Hugh Hefners p**... mansion. After about a week, their business wasnt going so well and it was also driving away people from the p**... mansion seeing two friars outside.
Eventually Hugh Hefner himself came out and put a stop to all of this.
The point of the story is: Only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
Badum psh

An even cornier joke

One stalk of corn said to the other stalk of corn, "Hey, can I tell you something?"
The other stalk of corn said, "I'm all ears."

A caring son

It seems a farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon load of corn.
The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise. "Hey Willis!! " the farmer yelled. "Forget your troubles. Come in with us. Then I'll help you get the wagon up. "
"That's mighty nice of you, " Willis answered, "but I don't think Pa would like me to. "
"Aw, come on," the farmer insisted.
"Well okay," the boy finally agreed, and added, "But Pa won't like it. "
After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset. "
"Don't be foolish! " the neighbor said with a smile. "By the way, where is he? "
"Under the wagon. "

I told my girlfriend I was unfaithful

My girlfriend found blonde hair on the passenger seat of my car, so I had to say that I was cheating on her.
How embarrassing would it be if she knew I sold corn on the freeway?

What's the difference between an epileptic corn farmer and a pornstar with a bout of diarrhea?

One shucks between fits.

A farmer finds a shoebox under his wife's side of the bed

The box contained two ears of corn and $4000. He went to his wife
Farmer: What's this?
Wife: I have a confession to make. Whenever I cheated on you I put an ear of corn in the box.
The farmer gasps, then thinks "50 years of marriage...only twice..that's not too awful.
Farmer: What about the $4000?
Wife: Whenever I got a bushel I sold it.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Corny jokes!

Q: Why can't a bicycle stand on its own?
A: Because it's two-tired.
Q: What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises?
A: It becomes daytrogen.
Q: Where did Noah keep his bees?
A: In the Ark Hives!
Q: Can February March?
A: No, but April May.
Q: What is it called when you kill a friend?
A: Homiecide
"Fish tanks are s**...!"
"Why?"
"Fish don't even have any militaries!"

I downloaded corn onto my computer.

It messed up the kernel.

If there is ever a corn army, I'll join it...

...and I'll be the colonel.

[Corny] What does a highlighter say when it answers the phone?

Yello?

(Corny)-What do you call a mermaid on a roof?

Aerial

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

What do you say when you get cornered by a gang of Italian prostitutes?

"Uh-oh, spaghetti h**...!"

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Just overheard a young boy tell his friend this joke

What do you call a corn dog with no legs?
A *corn dog*, s**...! Corn dogs don't have legs!

Give a pilgrim some corn...

He eats for a day, teach a pilgrim to grow corn...
He kills your people and takes your land.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Corn

Give a white man an ear of corn, he eats for a day
Teach a white man to grow corn, he steals all your land

Why wouldn't Dolores let William eat the corn?

Because the maize isn't meant for him.

Oil

If:
Peanut oil is made from peanuts.
Olive oil is made from olives.
Corn oil is made from corn.
Then:
What is baby oil made from?

Others change, but you should be yourself!

said one corn to another in the digestive tract

A man was in a psych ward for thinking he was a piece of corn.

He was finally cured and set free, but immediatelly came back to the mental hospital trembling in fear. When asked why, he said, "there's a chicken outside."
Doctor: "but sir, you do know you're human right? Not a piece of corn."
Patient: "of course I know that! But does the chicken know?!"

What did the corn chip say to the light bulb?

Are you turned on? Because I'm Frito Lay

What did the baby corn say to its mother?

Where's popcorn?
Was that too corny for you?

My friend made a flute out of a carrot...

It was impressive, and if you gave her some sheet music, she would show you just how well it played.
My other friend, who's a bit competitive, made an oboe out of corn. He said he could play anything by ear.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Why should you never eat Jolly Green Giant vegetables?

Because he always stands over the corn and peas.
h**... h**... h**.......

Corners of Love

I believe the right girl for me is out there, in some corner of the earth...
But unfortunately, the earth is round.

Be sure to always whisper while in a corn maze

The walls have ears.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

A woman is doing some grocery shopping...

She's going to the checkout line and the cashier says:
"Coke... mayo... some corn flakes... a bottle of wine... some chips. Let me guess, you're single right?"
The lady goes "Well... yeah, how do you know?"
The cashier answers, "Because you're ugly"

(Corny) Why could nobody understand the unemployed man?

He made no cents.

What did the ear of corn say when he lost his leaves?

Schucks!

Friends, Romans, Corn Futures Brokers,

Lend me your ears

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Feed a man corn and he will eat for a day

Teach a man to grow corn, he will kill your people and steal your land

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Give a man some corn, he eats for a day.

Teach a man to grow corn, he kills you and steals your land!

If you have an E85 tune on a Cobb accessport

You officially have corn on the cobb

Why did it take Knuckles seven days to escape the corn maze?

He didn't know da wae.

If you made a corn labyrinth in the likeness of a deceased television pitchman...

You'd have a Billy Mays maize maze.

What did the magician say before he turned his assistant into an ear of corn?

Prepare to be a-maize-d

What do you call a potato and an ear of corn in a police car?

Starchy and Husk

I could never be a sugar daddy

I'm cheap and unhealthy. So I'd prefer to be called a high fructose corn syrup father.

A genetic botanist doesn't show up to the church picnic.

Her concerned husband finds her in her lab working feverishly on a new pesticide resistant strain of maize.
"Aren't you coming to the congregation picnic?". He asks.
"Screw them and their impossible deadlines! They told me I have until today to get the corn bred!"

What do you call the single grain of corn on the tree?

Acorn

How is an ear of corn like the Army??

It has lots of Kernels :D

Going around corners too fast...

...that's how I roll

What did the baby corn ask his mum?

Where's pop corn?

These pieces of corn can't hear me,

but their all ears.

A corn walks into a bar...

And it says to the bartender:
"Hey, wanna hear a joke?"
The bartender agrees. The corn then asks:
"What did the traffic light say to the car?"
The bartender then says: "What?"
The corn says: "DON'T LOOK! I'M CHANGING!"
The bartender shakes his head in disappointment and says:
"Didn't know what I was expecting."

What does corn have in common with good friends?

You know you'll see them again

I complemented some corn the other day.

It smiled from ear to ear.

Vegan witches be like

ear of corn! Eye of Potato!

What rank does Corn have in the Vegetable Army?

Colonel!
I just thought of that while eating popcorn, I hope this hasnt been already posted.

What does corn say when it gets a compliment?

Aw shucks!

The horse joke - translated

From Bosnia (with love)
A horse walks through a corn field and smokes a cigarette. A cigarette falls and lights a field. The corn starts to pop, and the popcorn is now all over the field.
The horse thinks it is snowing and freezes.

Went to the corner store...

Bought four corners

I was going to tell a joke about a corn eyeball...

But it just keeps getting cornea and cornea

Corn joke, I was going to tell a joke about a corn eyeball...

jokes about corn