The Best 21 Cork Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Cork jokes. There are some cork limerick jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these cork ireland puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Cork Jokes and Puns

Billy stops Paddy in Dublin and asks for the quickest way to Cork.

Paddy says, "Are you on foot or in the car?"
Billy says, "In the car."
Paddy says, "That's the quickest way."

I was stuck in traffic while on the road in Ireland...

Cork was in a bottleneck.

Something to get your favorite entomologist in the mood

"Baby, I'm gonna pin you down and spread your legs like you're a beetle on a cork board."

Cork joke, Something to get your favorite entomologist in the mood

SpaceX won't be drinking Champagne tonight.

Every time they pop the cork it ends up back where it started...

I found myself in a pub in Cork, Ireland.

A group of American tourists came in.

One of the Americans said, in a loud voice, "I hear you Irish think you're great drinkers. I bet $5,000 that no one here can drink 20 pints of Guinness in 30 minutes."

The bar was silent, but the American noticed one Irishman leaving. No one took up the bet.

40 minutes later, the Irishman who left returned and said, "Hey Yank, is yer bet still on?"
"Sure" said the American, "20 pints in 30 minutes for a bet of $5,000 ."
"Grand, " replied the Irishman, "so pour the pints and start the clock."

It was very close but the last drop was consumed with 2 seconds to spare.

OK Yank, pay up." said the Irishman.

"I'm happy to pay, here's your money" said the American. "But tell me, when I first offered the wager, I saw you leave. Where did you go?'

"Well sir", replied the Irishman, "$5,000 is a lot of money to a man like me, so I went to the pub across the road to see if I could do it.


Irish Joke

Paddy walks into a chemist ,pulls out a small bottle from his pocket, removes the cork and addresses the pharmacist.
"Wid ye mind tastin that fir me"?
The man takes a swig and screws his face up in disgust. "Thats terrible" he says. "So bitter".
Paddy replies with delight "Oh tats good news, they told me to bring a sample here and get tested fir me sugar levels".

Murphy and Seamus

Two Irish pilots, Murphy and Seamus, are flying a Ryanair Ltd. jet on its final approach at Cork Airport.

Murphy says: BuayJesus! Maury an' Josefff! Look how short this runway is.

Seamus replies: Yes, but look how fookin' wide it is!

Cork joke, Murphy and Seamus

Cork man drowns in Lake Garda, Ireland

His name was BOB

Robert Hooke was alone in his room and I heard weird noises.

Guess he was playing with his's cork.

How do you get a champagne cork back in the bottle?

I don't know, ask a Falcons fan

I like my women like I like my wine...

Opened up with a cork screw and shared around with my whole family

You can explore cork wee reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean cork shamus dad jokes. There are also cork puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Two Kerry men driving through Cork

One fella says "That's where Michael Collins died"
The other fella "Tis a bad bend aright"

Did you know that corks come from trees?

Son-"Hey dad, did you know that corks come from trees?
Dad- "No son, Quarks come from particle accelerators"

A short true tale about Ireland, quiz-shows and Hitler

Decades ago when I lived on the rocky coast of West Cork, there was a quiz show called "Quicksilver". It had a top prize of something like $1.25 (perhaps a bit more), and the contestants were just average people. In one show the contestant was asked for Hitler's first name. He thought about, smiled and said "Heil" He did not win his $1.25 but almost everyone in Ireland remembers the tale.

Billy asks his mate Paddy what is quickest way from Dublin to Cork.

Paddy says: "Are you going on foot or in the car?"

Billy replies: "In the car."

"Well that's the quickest way," says Paddy.

A man and woman in bed

"Give me some", man begs.

"No. You've had too much," wife responds.

"Come on, let me have some," man begs again.

"I'm tired of this. Go ahead, but you know how it always goes", then wife says.

Happily man goes to kitchen, opens refrigerator, grabs a bottle of champagne. He fiddles with the cork and it pops out with a bang.

From the kid's room, an accusing voice comes

"Mom, you shoulda given dad some. See, now he went and shot himself."

Cork joke, A man and woman in bed

I'm trying to get into my Christmas spirit..

but the cork is stuck.

The Quickest Way

Billy stops Paddy in Dublin and asks for the quickest way to Cork.

Paddy says, Are you on foot or in the car?

Billy says, In the car.

Paddy says, That's the quickest way.

What is the name of the captain of a boat made of cork?

Bob.

Sorry, this came to me as I was falling asleep.


There was a young man from Cork

There was a young man

From Cork who got Limericks

And Haikus confused

Gary and Pete, 2 alcoholics, were lost at sea.

While floating in their small boat, they spotted a bottle on the water.
Gary quickly grabbed the bottle and took out the cork.
To his shock, a genie flew out.
"You have freed me. You may have a wish."
Gary thought hard and pointed at the sea.
"Turn all this water into Guiness."

There was a flash and the genie was gone, leaving a frothy sea of Guinness.
"why would you do that?!" complained Pete.
"What, you don't want beer?" asked Gary.

Pete shook his head and sighed.
"Now we'll have to piss in the boat."

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the cork monkey jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working cork dublin piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes