Cork Jokes
29 cork jokes and hilarious cork puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about cork that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Enjoy a night of laughter with our collection of Cork jokes! From the jests about hurling cork v limerick to the laughs shared about Cork v Kerry, these Irish jokes will have you and your friends laughing for hours. With a wee bit of help from our expert team, you will be able to find the perfect set of jokes to share with your friends. Ready to get started? Check out our collection of Cork Jokes!
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Funniest Cork Short Jokes
Short cork jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The cork humour may include short bottle cap jokes also.
- What is the name of the captain of a boat made of cork? Bob.
Sorry, this came to me as I was falling asleep. - There was a young man from Cork There was a young man
From Cork who got Limericks
And Haikus confused - The whole of Ireland is at risk from rising sea levels. Apart from Cork, which will stay afloat.
- SpaceX won't be drinking Champagne tonight. Every time they pop the cork it ends up back where it started...
- Did you know that corks come from trees? Son-"Hey dad, did you know that corks come from trees?
Dad- "No son, Quarks come from particle accelerators" - I like my women like I like my wine... Opened up with a cork screw and shared around with my whole family
- Two Kerry men driving through Cork One fella says "That's where Michael Collins died"
The other fella "Tis a bad bend aright" - A friend is part way through an ARTS degree. Its going really well.
They are now an expert at drawing corks. - Robert Hooke was alone in his room and I heard weird noises. Guess he was playing with his's cork.
- Something to get your favorite entomologist in the mood "Baby, I'm gonna pin you down and spread your legs like you're a beetle on a cork board."
Share These Cork Jokes With Friends
Cork One Liners
Which cork one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with cork? I can suggest the ones about coral and bark.
- How do you get a champagne cork back in the bottle? I don't know, ask a Falcons fan
- What did the paper say when it was put on the cork board? I'm under a tack.
- Why should you stay in Ireland if sea levels rise? Because Cork floats
- My father is Irish and my mother is Chinese, so I guess you could say... I'm "Cork-Asian"
- I was stuck in traffic while on the road in Ireland... Cork was in a bottleneck.
- I'm trying to get into my Christmas spirit.. but the cork is stuck.
- Cork man drowns in Lake Garda, Ireland His name was BOB
- I saw the manager of Tesco's drowning... ...so I threw him a cork.
Every little helps. - I like my women like I do my wine. Old, and with a cork in the mouth.
Hilarious Fun Cork Jokes to Bring Joy & Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about cork you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean cider jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make cork pranks.
Gary and Pete, 2 alcoholics, were lost at sea.
While floating in their small boat, they spotted a bottle on the water.
Gary quickly grabbed the bottle and took out the cork.
To his shock, a genie flew out.
"You have freed me. You may have a wish."
Gary thought hard and pointed at the sea.
"Turn all this water into Guiness."
There was a flash and the genie was gone, leaving a frothy sea of Guinness.
"why would you do that?!" complained Pete.
"What, you don't want beer?" asked Gary.
Pete shook his head and sighed.
"Now we'll have to p**... in the boat."
An Irishman arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered around the terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks...
An Irishman arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered around the terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks. An airline employee asked him if he was already homesick.
"No" replied the Irishman "I've lost all me luggage!"
"How'd that happen?"
"The cork fell out!" said the Irishman.
I found myself in a pub in Cork, Ireland.
A group of American tourists came in.
One of the Americans said, in a loud voice, "I hear you Irish think you're great drinkers. I bet $5,000 that no one here can drink 20 pints of Guinness in 30 minutes."
The bar was silent, but the American noticed one Irishman leaving. No one took up the bet.
40 minutes later, the Irishman who left returned and said, "Hey y**..., is yer bet still on?"
"Sure" said the American, "20 pints in 30 minutes for a bet of $5,000 ."
"Grand, " replied the Irishman, "so pour the pints and start the clock."
It was very close but the last drop was consumed with 2 seconds to spare.
OK y**..., pay up." said the Irishman.
"I'm happy to pay, here's your money" said the American. "But tell me, when I first offered the wager, I saw you leave. Where did you go?'
"Well sir", replied the Irishman, "$5,000 is a lot of money to a man like me, so I went to the pub across the road to see if I could do it.
Murphy and Seamus
Two Irish pilots, Murphy and Seamus, are flying a Ryanair Ltd. jet on its final approach at Cork Airport.
Murphy says: BuayJesus! Maury an' Josefff! Look how short this runway is.
Seamus replies: Yes, but look how fookin' wide it is!
Irish Joke
p**... walks into a chemist ,pulls out a small bottle from his pocket, removes the cork and addresses the pharmacist.
"Wid ye mind tastin that fir me"?
The man takes a swig and screws his face up in disgust. "Thats terrible" he says. "So bitter".
p**... replies with delight "Oh tats good news, they told me to bring a sample here and get tested fir me sugar levels".
Billy asks his mate p**... what is quickest way from Dublin to Cork.
p**... says: "Are you going on foot or in the car?"
Billy replies: "In the car."
"Well that's the quickest way," says p**....
A man and woman in bed
"Give me some", man begs.
"No. You've had too much," wife responds.
"Come on, let me have some," man begs again.
"I'm tired of this. Go ahead, but you know how it always goes", then wife says.
Happily man goes to kitchen, opens refrigerator, grabs a bottle of champagne. He fiddles with the cork and it pops out with a bang.
From the kid's room, an accusing voice comes
"Mom, you shoulda given dad some. See, now he went and shot himself."
A short true tale about Ireland, quiz-shows and h**...
Decades ago when I lived on the rocky coast of West Cork, there was a quiz show called "Quicksilver". It had a top prize of something like $1.25 (perhaps a bit more), and the contestants were just average people. In one show the contestant was asked for h**...'s first name. He thought about, smiled and said "Heil" He did not win his $1.25 but almost everyone in Ireland remembers the tale.
Billy stops p**... in Dublin and asks for the quickest way to Cork.
p**... says, "Are you on foot or in the car?"
Billy says, "In the car."
p**... says, "That's the quickest way."
The Quickest Way
Billy stops p**... in Dublin and asks for the quickest way to Cork.
p**... says, Are you on foot or in the car?
Billy says, In the car.
p**... says, That's the quickest way.
