Cord Jokes
62 cord jokes and hilarious cord puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about cord that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Cord Short Jokes
Short cord jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The cord humour may include short ribbon jokes also.
- I was always afraid of dying alone, so thanks for being with me in my final moments. Parachute instructor: PULL THE CORD PULL THE CORD!
- My friend has been terribly depressed since he went bungy jumping and the cord snapped. He just hasn't bounced back.
- Scientists have accidentally created immortal frogs While running experiments, they decided to cut some of the frogs vocal cords.
Ever since then, the frogs just wont croak - One of my proudest memories as a father was the day I got to cut the cord... Needless to say my son won't be bungee jumping again.
- Have you heard about the boss who got their foot stuck in an electrical cord? >!They went on a power trip!<
- Brand new Grandson My brand new baby Grandson's cord fell off today. Mom says he's officially wireless!
- Did you hear about the guy whose vocal cords were damaged in an accident, so they had to do a transplant from a puppy? He's doing okay but his voice is a little husky now.
- My girlfriend thinks I stole her phone charger. She can only find the cord. I told her I won't stand for these baseless accusations.
- Dad, do you have an AUX cord? A son in his fathers car asked his father,
Dad, do you have an Aux cord?
His father responded,
No, but would a cowbell work? - I got punched by my X-Box controller for breaking his charging cord. He was charged with battery.
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Cord One Liners
Which cord one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with cord? I can suggest the ones about ring and wire.
- I once tried a bungee jumping cord to the roof of the school. I got suspended
- I miss my umbilical cord I grew attached to it.
- Shout out to my spinal cord For always having my back
- What made the cable guy late? What made the cable guy late?
There was a cord-eal - Epitaph for a house cat: "She died as she lived..." "...chewing on power cords."
- Why was the spinal cord really jumpy? It was part of a nervous system.
- Did you hear about the phone cord in the army? He was discharged.
- What do YOU call a dog with NO vocal cords?!? A hushky!!!
- Why was the umbilical cord sad? He got cut from the naval base.
- What cord impresses the priests the most? B minor
- Why I won't move my arms The first I use my arms is to reach for my life support cord
- Roses are red, my name is Evan... I cant pass the aux cord i have an iPhone 7
- My roommate asked me to give him the charger I said to get it on his on a'cord'
- I've got a fear of losing my umbilical cord. I've had it since birth.
- What did the ox say to the dog? "Ay yo dawg! Pass me the aux cord!"
Umbilical Cord Jokes
Here is a list of funny umbilical cord jokes and even better umbilical cord puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Short short joke I'm not saying my parents were too strict or unreasonable but the second my umbilical cord was cut after birth I had to go to my room and think about what I had done.
- When Chuck Norris was born, he cut his own umbilical cord.
He then used it to strangle the doctor who slapped him on the but. - Me: Honey, it's a boy! Me: *cuts off umbilical cord*
Doctor: sir I already cut off the umbilical cord
Me:
Me: It's a girl! - What's the most painful part for an Italian man when his mama dies? Cutting the umbilical cord.
- When I was younger I was strangled by the umbilical cord. Mothers are way more defensive over their newborns than I expected.
Comical Cord Jokes and Gems that Will Get You in Laughter Land
What funny jokes about cord you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean chain jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make cord pranks.
Corduroy Pillow Cases
Why do we struggle so much creating headlines?
What kind of cord does Albert Camus use?
And EXISTENSION CORD.
(Okay I know he denied being an existentialist because he was an absurdist but still - I made this joke up while working at a hardware store)
THIS JUST IN!!!!!
Corduroy pillow are making headlines.........
A Catholic, a Jew, and a Buddhist are on a plane when suddenly the engine brakes down
There are no parachutes on the plane, so the men must rely on their faith to save them from death.
The Catholic says a prayer, jumps off the plane and survives the fall, but dies later in a hospital.
The Jew says a prayer jumps off the plane, and survives the fall, but injures his spinal cord and is paralyzed from the waist down.
The Buddhist says a prayer, jumps off the plane, and is caught by a giant Buddha hand.
The Buddhist, relieved to have been caught, says, "Thank God," and the hand drops him.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My friend asked me if I ever missed the idea of being in the w**.... I said "The only thing I'd miss was my umbilical cord....."
I was very attached to it.
Skydiving student recieves a lesson
A student is in a skydiving lesson and the instructor explains, "first count to ten and then rip the cord to open the parachute.
The student asks, "wha-wha-wha-what wa-wa-was that nu-nu-nu-number again?
The instructor answered, "two."
Just in time for Christmas, the gift for people who like peace and quiet...
...a phoneless cord.
A relative of mine works at a toy distribution center.
They specialize in talking dolls. They recently received a Muslim one, but nobody knows what it says because they're all afraid to pull the cord.
Something happened at a friend's work
A relative of mine works at a toy distribution center. They specialize in talking dolls. They recently received a Muslim one, but nobody knows what it says because they're all afraid to pull the cord.
How to fix America?
Unplug the power cord wait 10 seconds, plug it back again. See if it works.
Pull the cord
I saw this talking muslim doll in the toy store and asked the shop owner what it was supposed to say.
'Dunno', he said, 'nobody dared to pull the cord so far'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I wanna leave this world the same way I came in...
n**... with a cord around my neck.
You've been cordially invited to the exclusive, super secret, society of masturbators...
Please come alone.
I heard a fight broke out in the orchestra hall today.
Apparently someone struck a wrong cord and it led to a lot of violins.
You never hear any mention of who cut the cord at Jesus' birth.
It must have been unbiblical.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
the time the cord is inside of you
Yeah when I was in the w**......
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you know it's i**... for the president to use an extension cord?
That'd be an overreach of his power.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you get when you cross an owl with a bungee cord?
my a**....
A priest is buying a used lawnwoer
\*lawnmower
He inspects it and asks owner how does it start. "Very simple, you pull the cord and if it doesn't start right away keep pulling and start swearing." The priest is shocked. "I'm a man of the cloth. I may have sworn when I was younger but by now I've forgotten how." "Oh don't worry" says the seller "after couple of pulls it will come back to you."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Just before a r**... had his first parachute jump, his sergeant reminded him,
"Count to ten, and then pull the first rip cord. If it snarls, pull the second rip cord for your auxiliary c**.... After you land, our truck will pick you up."
The paratrooper took a deep breath and jumped. He counted to ten and pulled the first cord. Nothing happened.
He pulled the second cord. Again, nothing happened.
As he plummeted to the ground, he said to himself, "I'll bet that truck won't be there either!"
Ole and Lars went skydiving
Ole jumped out of the plane and pulled his ripcord. His parachute opened, and he started his gentle descent.
Lars jumped out of the plane and pulled his ripcord. Nothing happened. He pulled his emergency cord. Nothing happened.
Ole watched Lars plummet past him, and started undoing his harness.
"So you wanna race, huh?"
