Copy Jokes

Following is our collection of imitation puns and edition one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Copy jokes for adults, dirty clientele jokes and clean bootleg dad gags for kids.

The Best Copy Puns

A guy walks into a Muslim bookstore wearing a Make America Great Again hat...

As he was wandering around taking a look, the clerk asked if he could help the man find anything.
 
Do you have a copy of Donald Trump's book on his U.S. immigration policy regarding Muslims and illegal aliens?
 
The clerk said, Kiss my ass… get out… and stay out!
 
The man said, Yes, that's the one.  Do you have it in paperback?

The new father

A proud new father sits down with his dad to have a drink.

"Well son, now that you have a son of your own its time I gave you something."

"Dad you dont mea-"

"Yes I do. You've earned it." Says the father as he passes a copy of '1001 Dad Jokes 5th Edition' to the son.

"Dad I dont know what to say...I'm honored."

"Hi honored," Replies the father. "I'm dad."

To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office: I will find you..

You have my Word.

Who ever stole my copy of Microsoft Office is in trouble.

You have my Word.

Years ago, my Mother-in-law began reading, "The Exorcist". She said it was the most evil book she ever read. So evil in fact, she couldn't finish it, took it to the ocean and threw it off the pier.

I went out, but another copy, ran it under the faucet, and left it beside her bed.


Today I learned about the Astley paradox!

If you ask Rick Astley for his copy of the movie UP, he cannot give it to you as he will never give you up.

However, in doing so, he lets you down.

Thus creating the Astley Paradox.

My son wanted me to buy him GTA

When I got to the store, I couldn't remember the title. So I told the guy "it's the game where the black guy drives cars round drunk, and shags loads of women"

He gave me a copy of tiger woods PGA golf

"Plagiarism squad reporting for duty sir!"

"Copy that"

I hate it when people outright copy and paste somebody's joke on Twitter and post it on a different social media platform.

Retweet if you agree.

Someone stole my copy of Microsoft office..

I will track you down, you have my word.

To the person that stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you and kill you.

You have my Word.


I met a Muslim man who said he had the Qur'an on DVD.

The trouble started when I asked him to burn a copy for me.

What letter do pirate's hate the most?

Dear Charter Internet Customer:

Charter Communications ("Charter") has been notified by a copyright owner, or its authorized agent, that your Internet account may have been involved in the exchange of unauthorized copies of copyrighted material (e.g., music, movies, or software). We are attaching a copy of the Digital Millennium Copyright Act (DMCA) notice that Charter received from the copyright holder which includes the specific allegation.

I recently bought a copy of Monty Python's Big Red Book, but was later dismayed to find that I'd purchased the Spanish language version...

Nobody expects the Spanish text edition.

A new monk arrives at the monastery.....

and is assigned to help the other monks in copying the old texts by hand. He notices, however, that instead of copying the original books , they are copying the copies.

So, the new monk goes to the head monk to ask him about this. He points out that if there was an error in the first copy, that error would be continued in all of the other copies. The head monk says, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son."

So, he goes down into the cellar with one of the copies to check it against the original. Hours later, nobody has seen him. So, one of the monks goes downstairs to look for him. He hears sobbing coming from the back of the cellar and finds the old monk leaning over one of the original books sobbing. He asks what's wrong.

"The word is celebrate. " says the old monk with tears in his eyes.

What did the erotic novel author get from his editor?

Sticky notes.

What did he get from his publisher?

A hard copy.

A little boy asks his dad

Boy: whats between moms legs?

father: paradise

Boy: whats between your legs?

Father: the key to the paradise

Boy: piece of advice dad, change the lock, the neighbor has a copy.

Dad: ( ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°)

So, there are two men.

They know each other for years now. Frank, a brain surgeon from new york and Ahmad a former refugee from syria.

Both men want to build an house and decide to build their houses in the very same street, next to each other. They even ask the architect to just copy the first house!

And when the houses are built Ahmad says to Frank: "My house is worth more than yours."

"How can that be? We both live next to each other!"

"Yes"

"Our houses were built identically, with the same materials."

"True."

"So how can it be, Ahmad?"

"Very simple: I live next to a brain surgeon and you live next to a refugee!"

I bought a copy of the Kama Sutra to spice things up in the bedroom with my girlfriend...

...unfortunately, it wouldn't fit inside her.


A door to door salesman knocked on a door and a woman answered.

Salesman - Hello. Would you like to buy a book titled '500 Excuses to Tell Your Wife After Staying Out Late'?

Woman - Why on earth would I buy a book like that?

Salesman - Because I sold a copy to your husband earlier today.

Cop: Suspect is dancing naked downtown.

Dispatcher: Copy that.

Cop: I'll try but I'm not much of a dancer.

What do you get when you cryogenically freeze a genetic copy of basketball legend Kareem Abdul Jabbar?

An ice Kareem clone

No cream and nothingness

I was sitting in a small café around the corner this morning, reading a copy of Jean-Paul Sartre's Being and Nothingness, when the waitress came up to take my order.

"I'll have a coffee with no cream," I said.


"I'm sorry, sir," she said. "We're all out of cream. Can I give it to you with no milk instead?"

How does Smaug copy files to a USB stick?

Dragon drop

If I find out who stole my copy of MS office, I'll kill you...

You have my Word!

The most well known person in the world

Some Spanish guy named "Manual"... A copy of his autobiography, printed in multiple languages, comes free with every electronic device or machinery... although much of his life story is lost in translation.

Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office...

I will find you; you have my Word. You've taken my one only good Outlook in life. Seriously though, how did you gain Access & why did you only leave OneNote?

I asked a friend if I could copy his calculus homework

He told me to know my limits

"Good artists copy. Great artists steal."

\- Me

First day as a cop

Me: Suspect is dancing naked in the street.

Dispatch: Copy that.

Me: Okay, I'll try, but I'm not much of a dancer.

My wife began reading 'The Exorcist'.

She said it was the most evil book she ever read. So evil in fact, she couldn't finish it, took it over to the beach and threw it into the ocean off a fishing pier.

I went and bought another copy, ran the faucet over it and left it in the night table drawer by her bed. That night was the first time she ever screamed and fainted.

The copier says to the paper "Can you hear me?"

The paper replies, "Copy that."

**From my eight year old daughter who WON'T SLEEP

A copy pulls over an old lady driving very slowly on the highway...

...and sees three other old ladies in the car, all of whom are terrified.

Cop: I pulled you over because you were driving 35 miles per hour on the highway.

Old Lady: Well, that's because the speed limit is 35.

Cop: No, this is HIGHWAY 35. The speed limit is 65. By the way, why are these other three women looking so terrified?

Old Lady: Ohhh, that's because we just got off of highway 145.

These new editions of dictionaries are frustrating

Picked up a new copy and flipped through it to find a word I knew disappeared.

The next thing I found was disappointing

I've just downloaded a copy of the Bible from the internet…

When I'd finished, it said, "Saved."

My local book shop had a sale on "1/3 off all titles"

I scored a pristine hardback copy of 'The Lion, The Witch'

A teacher was correcting exams from his students.

When he saw the exam of Joe, a student he hated, he gave him 0% without even reading his exam and wrote at the bottom:

"Stupid! Dumbass!"

When Joe received his copy, he was so shocked he went straight to the teacher's office and said:

"Sir, you didn't even read my exam. All I see is a 0% with your name and signature at the bottom."

I went to the library looking for a copy of the Kama sutra...

I couldn't find it. So I complained to the librarian.
They Replied "Ah that's cause it's in a different position every week"

A Christian couple

Newlyweds wake up one morning on their honeymoon and the man suggests: "Darling, why don't you brew us some coffee?"

Wife looks confused: "But that's your task, honey."

What? Why?

"It's all over the Bible, dearest."

"The Bible says nothing about who's supposed to be brewing coffee!"

The wife grabs hold of a copy and starts flipping pages at random: "See? Everywhere: Hebrews, Hebrews, Hebrews."

Me and my girlfriend bought a copy of the Kama Sutra to spice up our love life...

... I just can't seem to fit it inside her. Shouldn't have gotten the hardcover version I guess.

Teach a man a joke, he'll tell it too everyone,

But teach a man to copy & paste, he'll tell everyone's jokes.

I still occasionally fap over my ex

Made a copy of the key to her place when we were together, and she's a heavy sleeper

If you were to ask Rick Astley for his copy of the movie UP he would never give it to you.

In doing so, he would let you down.

Thus creating the rickroll paradox.

I downloaded the Qur'an the other day.... if you like i'll burn you a copy :D

Jimmy, your composition "My Dog" is the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?

No, sir. It's the same dog.

What did Melania Trump have on her Black Friday shopping list?

A copy of everything Michelle Obama had on her list

To the coworker that stole my copy of Microsoft Office...

I will find you. I will get it back.

You have my Word.

Democracy

To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner: pizza or tacos .

They picked pizza.

So I made steamed broccoli because that's what we get after we are done voting.

(Blatant copy from another joke)

My dad always grabbed a copy of O, The Oprah Magazine, when we were in the checkout line...

He'd hold it up, and in an excited, but serious voice, he'd say "This has to be some sort of record! She made the cover *AGAIN!*

I had a job interview yesterday...

The chap conducting the interview had a copy of my CV in front of him. He said to me

"It says here you're a man of mystery"

"That's correct" I replied

"Would you care to elaborate?"

"No"

What do you call ad copy written by a communist?

Marxeting

What's the difference between a pun and a copy of Cliff's Notes?

A pun is a play on words, while Cliff's notes are a word on plays

I ran across an old copy of the Amputee's Song Book the other day.

It includes such classics as If you're happy and you know it……SHIT!

-Officer Johnson here...

\-*Officer, go ahead.*

\-We responded to a call about a woman who stabbed his husband 38 times after he walked in on the floor still wet. We're at the location.

\-*Copy, Officer Johnson. Have you arrested the woman yet?*

\-Negative, we're waiting for the floor to dry.

Why did Rick Astley get fired from his job at the video store?

Because he refused to rent someone a copy of the Pixar flick "Up".

People tell me that you shouldn't buy bootleg products because the quality isn't very good...

I disagree. I recently purchased a copy of the black keys newest album from a guy on the street. The quality of their #1 hit "Pyrite on the Ceiling" was superb.

I wanted to reserve a copy of a new novel coming out

But they were all booked

I got a bootleg copy of "Alien vs Predator"

It was just some Mexican guy fighting a priest!

An Indian guy is getting a job at a call center for copy machine support

The interviewer decides to test his knowledge of mixing light vs. Mixing pigments by asking him to use green, pink, and yellow in the same sentence about his job.

He says "When the phone goes 'green green', I pink it up and say 'Yellow?'"

Copy-editing is a very stressful line of work for women.

Every time they miss a period, they get really nervous.

Blockbuster

A man walks into blockbuster, has a look around and goes to the front desk.

"excuse me sir, can I have a copy of Batman forever?"

Clerk responds: "Sorry guy, I'm gonna need it back tomorrow night".

Police investigating the feline corpse discovered in a Zerox machine.....

have said this may be a copy cat killing

I was buying a map of an expensive brand.

When I was looking at the Middle East, I noticed that the countries were improperly named. I thought, maybe its a cheap copy of the brand and not actually from that brand?

So I went up to the shopkeeper, pointed at the improperly named countries in the middle east, and said "Is this fake?"

The shopkeeper replied by saying "No, no, Israel."

Where do police go to use the bathroom?

The copy room

A real cliffhanger....

Did you hear about the scientist who successfully made an exact copy of himself?


Unfortunately it was very foul mouthed and crude, and the scientist grew tired of it, and finally got rid of it by pushing it off a cliff.


He was later arrested for making an obscene clone fall.

Why is a pirated copy of a Sigourney Weaver film Donald Trump's least favourite movie?

It's an Illegal Alien.

I found a copy of Mission Impossible 3 among my blu-rays the other day...

I thought to myself: 'It's not really impossible if he's already done it twice."

Good artists copy, great artists steal

I wrote that.

Is anyone else having problems with their spellchecker?

Mine keeps correcting into weird things. Like changing "my" into "me", "money" into "gold pieces" and the letter x into "here be treasure". It's a pirate copy.

A cop sees a dancing suspect

Cop: Suspect is engaging in high-profile break-dancing in the main square

Radio: Copy that

Cop: I've had a couple breakdance lessons but I'm no way as good as him sir

Jazz hands

Worker one: why does jerry the maintenance guy always do jazz hands after hes finished looking inside the copy machine?
Worker two: is part of his routine maintenance

(I wanted to do this joke as a picture but im lazy and bad at drawing, also sorry for the bad joke)

My dad told me never to listen to rumours.

Consequently my copy of Tusk is completely shagged out.

new kitten

So I decided to teach my kitten to write. You might think it was pretty hard but he took to it easily. Before long he could do anything I could do.. Turns out he was a copy cat :)

News Joke

So today I was at work (on the checkouts at a supermarket) and somebody comes along saying: "only a news-paper for me today" as she slaps down a copy of the Sun. I reply, "so where's your news-paper then?"

When you become a dad

A proud new dad sits down to have a drink with his father "Well son, now that you've got kids of your own, I think it's time I give you this"
"Dad you don't mean..."
"Yes son, I do" Dad pulls out a copy of 1001 dad jokes, 5th edition "Dad I'm honoured...", he says, tears sparkling in his eyes. "Hi honoured", replies his father, "I'm dad".

Found a copy of "Dr. No" in German, and it only set me back nein euro.

Hey, want a book full of jokes?

Here's a copy of my diary!

A person walked in to a spanish book store.

Clerk: What can I do for you?

Customer: I'd like a copy of Donald Trump's new book about immigration reform.

Clerk: Get the f-ck out of this place and don't come back, you c-nt!

customer: Yes, that one.

My friend has the Koran on DVD…

I asked him if he could burn me a copy.

I refuse to watch the movie POMPEII...

Until I can find a copy of the original POMPE... I hate watching sequels first.

I am gonna ask Rick Astley to give me a copy of movie 'Up'

So, either he's gonna give me up or he's gonna let me down. And also make me cry in either case.

I threw spaghetti, rotini, penne rigate, and farfalle on my scanner.

All I got was copy pasta

If I made a perfect copy of myself

If I made a perfect copy of myself and then threw him naked off of the top of a tall building, would it be murder, suicide or making an obscene clone fall?

How many joke writers does it take to screw in a lightbulb

1- one will screw it in a tiny bit the rest will copy

There is an abundance of mea jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 84 funniest jokes and copy puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any imitate witze you can hear about copy.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes