Copilot Jokes

Following is our collection of seatmate puns and boeing one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Copilot jokes for adults, dirty stewardesses jokes and clean stewardess dad gags for kids.

The Best Copilot Puns

Two pilots are landing a plane.

Two pilots are preparing to land and they're coming in hot. The wheels touch the tarmac and before you know it they're off the other end. 100mph through the grass, the fence and they smash through the gates. Glass and bags go everywhere.

When they finally come to a stop the pilot looks at his co-pilot and says "That was the shortest runway I've ever seen!"

The co-pilot says" Yeah, but wasn't it wide!

I was on this plane once...

Captain sets for take off and we are 35000 feet in the air, the captain then sets his mic down but forgets to turn it off.

The captain turns to the co-pilot and says "all I could use right now is a blow job and a cup of coffee".

The stewardess starts running from the back of the plane to tell the captain he still has his mic on.

A guy in the back of the plane screams out "hey hun, don't forget the coffee!".

A captain was flying over a mental hospital...

...when suddenly he started laughing vigorously.

"What's so funny?" Asked the co-pilot.

The captain answered: "I'm just imagining their faces when they realize I'm not there anymore"

The pilot and co-pilot are sitting in the cockpit of an airplane.

As they wait for the passengers to board, the pilot says to the co-pilot,



Why did you become a pilot?



To which the co-pilot replies, To overcome my greatest fear.



Flying? the pilot asks




No. says the co-pilot, Dying alone.

Blonde Co-Pilot

This is the story of the poor dizzy blonde flying in a two-seater airplane with just the pilot.

He has a heart attack and dies. She, frantic, calls out for help.

"May Day! May Day! Help me! Help me! My pilot had a heart attack and is dead. And I don't know how to fly. Help me! Please help me!"

She hears a voice over the radio saying:

"This is Air Traffic Control and I have you loud and clear. I will talk you through this and get you back on the ground. I've had a lot of experience with this kind of problem. Now, just take a deep breath. Everything will be fine! First, give me your height and position."

She says, "I'm 5'4" and I'm in the front seat."

"O.K." says the voice on the radio.... "repeat after me: Our Father...Who art in Heaven....."


Blind pilots

A plane is preparing for takeoff with a full load of passengers when the pilot and copilot board--both with dark sunglasses and tapping walking sticks for guidance. The passengers are understandably uncomfortable, but assume it must be some sort of practical joke, so they say nothing.

As the plane begins to accelerate, the passengers see the end of the runway rapidly approaching, with certain doom awaiting at the end if the pilots really can't see what they're doing. Just before the end of the runway, all the passengers scream together--right before the plane lifts off. They're a little upset, but relieved that the pilots aren't really blind.

In the cockpit, the pilot turned to his copilot and remarked: "you know, Lou, one of these days they're not going to scream in time, and then we'll be in real trouble!"

A plane flies straight toward a mountain as pilot and co-pilot pull down on the control wheel with all their might

The pilot yells "We'll never make it over that mountain" the co-pilot looks at him and says "Not with that altitude."

There's a plane crashing down...

On the plane are The President of the United States, The British Prime Minister, the smartest man in the world, a priest and a boy scout. The pilot announces over the intercom: "People, we regret to inform you that we are going to crash. Fortunately, there are 6 parachutes available."

Before anyone can respond, the pilot and copilot dash out of the cabin, each grabs a parachute and jumps out of the plane. The 5 passengers look at each other, realize there's only 4 parachutes left, then make a mad dash for them. A giant fight ensues as everyone struggles to grab a parachute.

The President snags one and declares, "I *must* live! I'm the President of the United States!" before jumping out of the plane.

The Prime Minister grabs a chute and yells, "*I* must live! I'm the Prime Minister!"

The Smartest Man in the World and the boy scout get into a tussle, ending with the Smartest Man in the World shoving the boy scout to the floor. Hugging the parachute to his chest he yells, "I'm the Smartest Man in the World! It is imperative that I survive!" and leaps out the door.

The priest helps the boy scout to his feet. "You go ahead, son," he says, "Take the last parachute. I've made my peace."

"We can each have one, father," The boy scout says, shaking his head, "The Smartest Man in the World took my backpack."

A plane was once flying over an island..

A plane was once flying over an island when the passengers heard the pilot's voice:

Ladies & Gentlemen, if you look on the right side of the plane, you'll see an engine on fire. If you look on the left side, you'll see a wing on fire. And if you look down, you'll see me and my co-pilot in parachutes, waving at you. This is a recording.

A pilot is flying a plane and shortly after mid-air announcement , forgets to turn off the mic.

He then mentions to his copilot : "I am dating that cute air hostess. After we land , we will go to the hotel and bang. "
The air hostess after hearing this runs towards the front of the plane at full speed to tell the pilot to turn off the mic and hits a blind man's stick and falls down.
The guy sitting on the other side says : "Why are you in such a hurry , we haven't even landed yet! "

A plane from J.F.K. is coming in to land at a rural airport in Arkansas at midnight.

Mouthy pilot turns to his co-pilot, winks & says "watch this"......
"Pilot to control tower......hey there Hillbilly, guess who!!"
Control tower switches off the airport lights.....
"Control tower to pilot....... Hey there Yankee, guess *where!!*"


One of my personal favorites (Thanks Good Will Hunting)

So I'm on a plane flying from New York to LA and the pilot gives his "now free to move about the cabin" message, only he forgets to turn off the mic, so the entire plane hears him when he turns to the copilot and says "Man I could really use a coffee and a blow job." The flight attendant runs to the cockpit to tell the pilot the mic was on, so I yell out "Hey honey, don't forget the coffee!"

Airport trouble

An airplane lands at an airport with great difficulty, stopping, just short of an accident. When they arrive at the gate, the captain wipes his brow and says,"My God that's the shortest runway I've ever seen!"
"You're not kidding" says his co-pilot, looking out of the window "but it sure is wide."

So I was on a plane when the pilot makes his announcement..

"We will be arriving at our destination in 3 hours..." But he forgot to turn off the microphone and says to his co-pilot "Ahhh, I could really do with a BJ and a coffee right now!". So a flight attendant runs to the front of the plane and as she ran past I then said "HEY! Don't forget the coffee!"

Kim Jong Un and Putin are riding in a plane together

When they flew over Russia, Putin said, "I threw 100 dollars out the window and made 100 of my peasants happy"

When they flew over North Korea, Kim said, "I threw 1,000 dollars out the window and made 1,000 of my peasants happy"

When they flew over the Ocean, the pilot told the co-pilot, "I could throw 2 people out of the window and make everyone happy"

Just before the flight, the captain turns to his co-pilot and asks "So, why did you want to become a pilot?"

Co-pilot: I wanted to overcome my biggest fear in life.

Captain: And what's that? Fear of heights?

Co-pilot: Dying alone.

I like my bacon how I like my choice of copilot....

....Chewie

Emergency Landing:

Gary thank god you picked up! Hey remember when you said if I needed a place to crash I cou- hold on...

*to copilot* STOP CRYING, GARY WILL HELP

A Belgian pilot...

A Belgian pilot is landing his plane,
Pilot: wow, what a short runway!
Copilot: yea, but it's sooo wide though!


A pilot and his co-pilot go on a blind date with the same stewardess.

Let's just say more than one cockpit was being occupied that night.

A co-pilot walks into a library and asks for a number of books on suicide.

The librarian asks, "Are you going to take them all out with you?"

"Hmmm..." he replies. "That's a good idea."

I awoke and alerted my co-pilot he was on another bearing...

..."Yaw going the wrong way!"

A passenger flying the Dutch Airline KLM asked the Captain :

"Captain, what do you think is hard, flying a plane or ruling a country?"

"Well that question's so easy I'll let my copilot answer it!"

Navy jet pilot: This is it! We're flying faster than the speed of sound!

Copilot: What?

There is an abundance of autopilot jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 24 funniest jokes and copilot puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any intercom witze you can hear about copilot.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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