Copilot Jokes
48 copilot jokes and hilarious copilot puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about copilot that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Go on a comical flight with these hilarious copilot jokes! Have fun and enjoy the ride with these airplane puns and jokes guaranteed to fuel your comic engines. Get your seatmate laughing and make your flight an enjoyable one!
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Funniest Copilot Short Jokes
Short copilot jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The copilot humour may include short cockpit jokes also.
- As the plane took off, the pilot turned to the co-pilot and said, Have you ever flown solo? Co-pilot: No. Typically I fly much higher than this.
- A Belgian pilot... A Belgian pilot is landing his plane,
Pilot: wow, what a short runway!
Copilot: yea, but it's sooo wide though! - A pilot and his co-pilot go on a blind date with the same stewardess. Let's just say more than one cockpit was being occupied that night.
- I awoke and alerted my co-pilot he was on another bearing... ..."Yaw going the wrong way!"
- A passenger flying the Dutch Airline KLM asked the Captain : "Captain, what do you think is hard, flying a plane or ruling a country?"
"Well that question's so easy I'll let my copilot answer it!" - Emergency Landing: Gary thank god you picked up! Hey remember when you said if I needed a place to c**... I cou- hold on...
*to copilot* STOP CRYING, GARY WILL HELP - A co-pilot walks into a library and asks for a number of books on s**.... The librarian asks, "Are you going to take them all out with you?"
"Hmmm..." he replies. "That's a good idea." - What did the pilot say to the co-pilot right before the UPS plane c**... in Alabama? Too soon.
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Copilot One Liners
Which copilot one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with copilot? I can suggest the ones about flight passenger and pilot flew.
- I'm so old… I remember when Pontius was a co-pilot.
- I like my bacon how I like my choice of copilot.... ....Chewie
- Navy jet pilot: This is it! We're flying faster than the speed of sound! Copilot: What?
- 99% of the Chinese are Han The other 1% are Wookie co-pilots
- What did the pilot say to his co-pilot when he felt a sense of vertigo? What's up?
- Police make potentially 'significant' discovery at co-pilot Lubitz's home
Heartwarming Copilot Jokes that Make You Laugh
What funny jokes about copilot you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean passenger jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make copilot pranks.
One of my personal favorites (Thanks Good Will Hunting)
So I'm on a plane flying from New York to LA and the pilot gives his "now free to move about the cabin" message, only he forgets to turn off the mic, so the entire plane hears him when he turns to the copilot and says "Man I could really use a coffee and a b**...." The flight attendant runs to the cockpit to tell the pilot the mic was on, so I yell out "Hey honey, don't forget the coffee!"
A blond girl is on a plane to Dallas...
... she is sitting in first class when she has a ticket for coach. While she is reading a magazine, the flight attendant confronts her and says "Excuse me, mam, you have a coach ticket, and you are sitting in first class, could you please move to coach?"
She puts down her magazine, looks at her in the eyes, and says "I'm blond, I'm beautiful, I'm sitting in first class and I'm going to Dallas." She continues reading her magazine.
The flight attendent calls the co-pilot to talk to her. The co-pilot confronts her and says "I'm the co-pilot of this plane, and I'm happy to hear you're excited to be going to Dallas, but could you please move to coach? You don't have a first class seat."
She puts down her magazine, looks at him in the eyes, and says "I'm blond, I'm beautiful, I'm sitting in first class and I'm going to Dallas." She continues reading her magazine.
The co-pilot, furious and not knowing what to do, goes to the Captain and asks if he can talk to her. The Captain gets up and talks to the woman. The woman grabs her bags and moves to coach. He returns to the co-pilot. The co-pilot asks "How did you get her to move? We've tried talking to her but nothing happened. What did you say?" and the captain responded saying "I told her first class isn't going to Dallas."
There's a plane crashing down...
On the plane are The President of the United States, The British Prime Minister, the smartest man in the world, a priest and a boy scout. The pilot announces over the intercom: "People, we regret to inform you that we are going to c**.... Fortunately, there are 6 parachutes available."
Before anyone can respond, the pilot and copilot dash out of the cabin, each grabs a parachute and jumps out of the plane. The 5 passengers look at each other, realize there's only 4 parachutes left, then make a mad dash for them. A giant fight ensues as everyone struggles to grab a parachute.
The President snags one and declares, "I *must* live! I'm the President of the United States!" before jumping out of the plane.
The Prime Minister grabs a c**... and yells, "*I* must live! I'm the Prime Minister!"
The Smartest Man in the World and the boy scout get into a tussle, ending with the Smartest Man in the World shoving the boy scout to the floor. Hugging the parachute to his chest he yells, "I'm the Smartest Man in the World! It is imperative that I survive!" and leaps out the door.
The priest helps the boy scout to his feet. "You go ahead, son," he says, "Take the last parachute. I've made my peace."
"We can each have one, father," The boy scout says, shaking his head, "The Smartest Man in the World took my backpack."
In the spirit of a TIL that made it to the front page.
I'm sitting on this plane and the pilot comes on the PA system to tell the passengers that we are now flying at cruising altitude and all that nonsense but when he put the phone down he missed the hang up. All the passengers could still hear the pilot as he turns to to copilot and says, "You know I could really go for a a cup of coffee and a b**... right now." The flight attendant went running up the aisle to tell the pilot he didn't hang up and as she races by my seat the guy behind me shouts, "Hey, honey! Don't forget that cup of coffee!"
Blind pilots
A plane is preparing for takeoff with a full load of passengers when the pilot and copilot board--both with dark sunglasses and tapping walking sticks for guidance. The passengers are understandably uncomfortable, but assume it must be some sort of practical joke, so they say nothing.
As the plane begins to accelerate, the passengers see the end of the runway rapidly approaching, with certain doom awaiting at the end if the pilots really can't see what they're doing. Just before the end of the runway, all the passengers scream together--right before the plane lifts off. They're a little upset, but relieved that the pilots aren't really blind.
In the cockpit, the pilot turned to his copilot and remarked: "you know, Lou, one of these days they're not going to scream in time, and then we'll be in real trouble!"
A plane from J.F.K. is coming in to land at a rural airport in Arkansas at midnight.
Mouthy pilot turns to his co-pilot, winks & says "watch this"......
"Pilot to control tower......hey there h**..., guess who!!"
Control tower switches off the airport lights.....
"Control tower to pilot....... Hey there Yankee, guess *where!!*"
Blonde Co-Pilot
This is the story of the poor dizzy blonde flying in a two-seater airplane with just the pilot.
He has a heart attack and dies. She, frantic, calls out for help.
"May Day! May Day! Help me! Help me! My pilot had a heart attack and is dead. And I don't know how to fly. Help me! Please help me!"
She hears a voice over the radio saying:
"This is Air Traffic Control and I have you loud and clear. I will talk you through this and get you back on the ground. I've had a lot of experience with this kind of problem. Now, just take a deep breath. Everything will be fine! First, give me your height and position."
She says, "I'm 5'4" and I'm in the front seat."
"O.K." says the voice on the radio.... "repeat after me: Our Father...Who art in Heaven....."
Flight Attendant on the Airplane
The other day I was on a red eye flight from Logan Airport in Boston to SeaTac in Seattle. The pilot got on the intercom and did his courtesy remarks: "welcome aboard, our flight will be 5 and a 1/2 hours... please relax and enjoy the rest of your flight."
After making the announcement he proceeds to talk to the co-pilot without turning off the intercom: "man, I sure could use a cup of coffee and a good lay right now."
The stewardess comes running up from the back of the plane to tell the pilot that the intercom is still on when the guy sitting behind me yells: "hey hun! Don't forget the coffee!"
An extremely close landing on an extremely short runway..
A plane is nearing its destination. The pilot turns to his co-pilot and remarks: "That looks like a really short runway." The co-pilot looks at it and says: "Yes, captain, its really short." 100 meters from the runway, the pilot communicates to the passengers and crew: "Fasten your seatbelts, this is going to be an extremely close landing!" The plane touches down on the ground, engages maximum breaks, and with schreaching tires comes to a stop two meters from the end of the runway. "Phew, " says the pilot relieved. "That was the shortest landing I've ever made." The co-pilot looks out of the windows and answers: "And certainly on the widest runway I've every seen.."
Two guys are in a helicopter.
During their flight the helicopter encounters some dense fog and quickly becomes lost. After a few minutes of careful maneuvering, the two find themselves hovering next to a large building where they can see a guy in his office, sitting at his desk.
Thinking quickly, the copilot grabs a piece of paper, writes "WHERE ARE WE?" in huge letters on it, and holds it up for the officeworker to read. The officeworker grabs a sheet of paper off his desk, scribbles quickly, and holds up his response: "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."
"Okay, no problem," says the pilot. "I know where we are. We're over the local college and that's the engineering school."
"How do you know that?" asks the copilot.
"Because," says the pilot, "the answer he gave us was technically correct but completely useless."
John von Neumann and Stanislaw Ulam are flying first class to Vienna...
... when suddenly the plan pitches forward and starts hurtling downward. Looking around, they see nobody else who knows what to do, so they enter the cockpit and find the pilot and copilot slumped over unconscious. Ulam sits down at the controls and starts looking them over. "Do something, do something!" screams von Neumann. "We're about to die!"
"Calm down and give me a minute," says Ulam. "I'm just a simple Pole in a complex plane!"
All-Female Crew
As the aircraft was taxiing towards the runway to take off, the voice on the speaker welcomed passengers on board and introduced them to the pilot.
"Your captain is Miss Mary Joystick...."
"You mean to tell me this plane is being piloted by a woman?"asked an alarmed passenger to a stewardess."
"Yes, sir," replied the stewardess. "So is the co-pilot, Miss Jane Understudy. So also are the radio operator and the navigator, they are all women in command."
"I must see this for myself," said the passenger. "Please take me to the cockpit."
"We don't call it that any more, sir," replied the stewardess.
So there's a plane that's half criminals and half master tradesmen...
The plane is half full of criminals and half full of master craftsmen.
The pilot comes on over the PA and says "Ladies and Gentlemen, the plane is overloaded, we need to bump half of you to another flight."
After deliberating with the mechanics and copilot for a while, the pilot comes back of the intercom and says "We've decided to bump all the master craftsmen from this flight to the next, please grab your carry-ons and head back to the gate."
The pilot stands next to the door apologizing to the master craftsmen as they disembark. One craftsman says to the pilot "I have to ask, why did you decide to bump us? We didn't commit any crimes, they are the ones who should have to wait longer!"
The pilot looks at the craftsman and says "We talked it over and found that the Pros outweighed the Cons."
Airplane open mic.
Airline pilot is going through his preflight introduction to the passengers.
"I'm Captain Wilson. We will be flying at 30,000 feet and should be in Denver in about 2 hours. Please relax and enjoy your flight."
After he is finished, thinking he has turned off the microphone, leans over to the co-pilot and jokes, " I would really like a cup of coffee, and a b**...."
The stewardess upon hearing this in the back of the plane rushes toward the cockpit. As she heads up the aisle, one of the passengers shouts to her, "Don't forget the coffee!"
2 Newfies are landing a airplane
2 Newfies are landing an airplane. The pilot says to the co-pilot, "That runway looks pretty short, better give me half flaps". "Roger" says the co-pilot. The pilot says, "That runway is really short, better give me 3/4 flaps." After a second, the pilot screams, "The runway is REALLY short, give me full flaps and brake hard as soon as we touch down!". The plane lands and come to a screeching halt immediately. The co-pilot says, "Wow, that runway was really short" and the pilot says, "Yes, but look how wide it is."
So I was on a plane when the pilot makes his announcement..
"We will be arriving at our destination in 3 hours..." But he forgot to turn off the microphone and says to his co-pilot "Ahhh, I could really do with a BJ and a coffee right now!". So a flight attendant runs to the front of the plane and as she ran past I then said "HEY! Don't forget the coffee!"
Two pilots
A plane leaves Heathrow Airport under the control of a Jewish captain. His copilot is Chinese. It's the first time they've flown together and an awkward silence between the two seems to indicate a mutual dislike.
Once they reach cruising altitude, the Jewish captain activates the auto-pilot, leans back in his seat, and mutters, "I don't like Chinese."
"No rike Chinese?" asks the copilot, "why not?"
"You people bombed Pearl Harbor , that's why!"
"No, no", the co-pilot protests, "Chinese not bomb Peahl Hahbah" That Japanese, not Chinese."
"Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese...doesn't matter, you're all alike."
There's a few minutes of silence....
"I no rike Jews." the copilot suddenly announces.
"Oh yeah, why not?" Asks the captain.
"Jews sink Titanic." says the co-pilot.
"What? That's insane! Jews didn't sink the Titanic!" exclaims the captain "It was an iceberg."
"Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg, Rosenberg , Gilberg, nomattah...all same."
Two pilots are landing a plane.
Two pilots are preparing to land and they're coming in hot. The wheels touch the tarmac and before you know it they're off the other end. 100mph through the grass, the fence and they smash through the gates. Glass and bags go everywhere.
When they finally come to a stop the pilot looks at his co-pilot and says "That was the shortest runway I've ever seen!"
The co-pilot says" Yeah, but wasn't it wide!
A plane was once flying over an island..
A plane was once flying over an island when the passengers heard the pilot's voice:
Ladies & Gentlemen, if you look on the right side of the plane, you'll see an engine on fire. If you look on the left side, you'll see a wing on fire. And if you look down, you'll see me and my co-pilot in parachutes, waving at you. This is a recording.
I was on this plane once...
Captain sets for take off and we are 35000 feet in the air, the captain then sets his mic down but forgets to turn it off.
The captain turns to the co-pilot and says "all I could use right now is a b**... and a cup of coffee".
The stewardess starts running from the back of the plane to tell the captain he still has his mic on.
A guy in the back of the plane screams out "hey hun, don't forget the coffee!".
A plane flies straight toward a mountain as pilot and co-pilot pull down on the control wheel with all their might
The pilot yells "We'll never make it over that mountain" the co-pilot looks at him and says "Not with that altitude."
The pilot and co-pilot are sitting in the cockpit of an airplane.
As they wait for the passengers to board, the pilot says to the co-pilot,
Why did you become a pilot?
To which the co-pilot replies, To overcome my greatest fear.
Flying? the pilot asks
No. says the co-pilot, Dying alone.
Airline pilot...
An airline pilot makes the usual announcements over the cabin PA system as the plane reaches cruising altitude. He then sets the plane on autopilot and turns to the co-pilot and jokes- All I need now is a cup of coffee and a b**....
Unbeknownst to the captain, the mic is still active and everybody can hear what the captain is saying.
Suddenly, an alert flight attendant bolts toward the cockpit to tell the pilot his mic is stuck.
As she's nearing the door, an old timer stands up and shouts- Stop! You forgot his coffee!
Kim Jong Un and Putin are riding in a plane together
When they flew over Russia, Putin said, "I threw 100 dollars out the window and made 100 of my peasants happy"
When they flew over North Korea, Kim said, "I threw 1,000 dollars out the window and made 1,000 of my peasants happy"
When they flew over the Ocean, the pilot told the co-pilot, "I could throw 2 people out of the window and make everyone happy"
A captain was flying over a mental hospital...
...when suddenly he started laughing vigorously.
"What's so funny?" Asked the co-pilot.
The captain answered: "I'm just imagining their faces when they realize I'm not there anymore"
Just before the flight, the captain turns to his co-pilot and asks "So, why did you want to become a pilot?"
Co-pilot: I wanted to overcome my biggest fear in life.
Captain: And what's that? Fear of heights?
Co-pilot: Dying alone.
A pilot is flying a plane and shortly after mid-air announcement , forgets to turn off the mic.
He then mentions to his copilot : "I am dating that cute air hostess. After we land , we will go to the hotel and bang. "
The air hostess after hearing this runs towards the front of the plane at full speed to tell the pilot to turn off the mic and hits a blind man's stick and falls down.
The guy sitting on the other side says : "Why are you in such a hurry , we haven't even landed yet! "
Airport trouble
An airplane lands at an airport with great difficulty, stopping, just short of an accident. When they arrive at the gate, the captain wipes his brow and says,"My God that's the shortest runway I've ever seen!"
"You're not kidding" says his co-pilot, looking out of the window "but it sure is wide."
coffee
You know, I was on this plane once. And I'm sittin' there and the captain comes on and he does his whole, "We'll be cruising at 35,000 feet," then he puts the mike down but he forgets to turn it off. Then he turns to the copilot and goes, "You know, all I could go for right now is a f**...' b**... and a cup of coffee." So the stewardess f**...' goes bombin' up from the back of the plane to tell him the mic's still on, and this guy behind me goes, "Hey hon, don't forget the coffee!"
Was on a plane having a snooze and the guy in the seat next to me RUDELY wakes me up and says "We're about to land, I think you're supposed to put the window shutter back up"
That's the last time I agree to having him as my co-pilot.
The pilot and copilot are coming into LAX and they are nervous.
Sweat pouring off their brows, they bring the 737 down quickly. As soon as the wheels touch they throw the engines into reverse, stand on the brakes as hard as they can and cry "Stop! Please stop!" The plane stops an inch from the end of the runway. The pilot says "That was the shortest runway I ever saw! And the copilot says "Yeah, but look how WIDE it is!"
