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Cop Jokes

172 cop jokes and hilarious cop puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about cop that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Turn up the laughs with these hilarious cop jokes! From funny jokes about donuts and breathalyzers to witty jokes about cop life, you'll be sure to get a chuckle from these cop-themed jokes. If you know a police officer, firefighter, or policewoman, share the humor!

Funniest Cop Short Jokes

Short cop jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The cop humour may include short breathalyzer jokes also.

  1. A man in an interrogation room says I'm not saying a word without my lawyer present. Cop: You are the lawyer.
    Lawyer: Exactly, so where's my present?
  2. The show COPS has been dropped from broadcast honoring the longstanding tradition of police turning off their cameras.
  3. I got pulled over by a female cop... When I rolled down my window to ask what was wrong, she said
    "NOTHING"
  4. A cop stops a miner for speeding on the highway COP: Whose car is this? Where are you headed? What do you do?
    miner: mine
  5. I told the cop, You can't write me a ticket. I have a marathon to run tomorrow. The cop said, Sir, that's not how you play the race card.
  6. The cop asked, "Whose car is this? Where are you headed? What do you do?" The miner replied, "Mine."
  7. How many Karen's does it take to change a light bulb? Just one...to call 911 and demand a cop come do something about the intimidating blackness
  8. As a cop, I don't know how to deal with black people... But I guess I'll take a shot at it.
  9. The show "COPS" is no longer filmed honoring the longstanding tradition of police turning off their cameras
  10. If I was a cop I would be ticketing people for not using their turn signals.. Left and right

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Cop One Liners

Which cop one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with cop? I can suggest the ones about policewoman and policeman.

  1. How can you tell good cops from bad cops? Easy. Good cops carry a Goodge.
  2. When cops arrest a clinically insane person... ...are they busting a nut?
  3. Why does Batman leave his lower face visible? So cops can see that he's white
  4. I saw a cop pull over a U Haul today... Looks like he was trying to bust a move.
  5. The toilet at my local police station has been stolen. Cops have nothing to go on
  6. Cop asks a guy..how high are you? Guy: no officer, it's hi, how are you.
  7. How many cops does it take to throw a black guy down the stairs? None. He fell.
  8. Why do cops have really clear skin? They're great at popping black heads.
  9. What kind of sweater do cops wear? A pullover.
  10. How many cops does it take to push a minority down the stairs? None, "He fell"
  11. Why is a cop like a box of chocolates? They'll kill your dog.
  12. Somebody stole all the toilets in the police station The cops have nothing to go on
  13. The toilet was stolen from the police station. The cops have nothing to go on.
  14. I was arrested for being awake too long The cops said i was resisting a rest
  15. What do you call a police officer that doesn't get out of bed? An under cover cop.

Speeding Cop Jokes

Here is a list of funny speeding cop jokes and even better speeding cop puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I got pulled over for speeding in my Prius The cop didn't give me a ticket. He just wanted to know how I did it.
  • A cop stopped a guy for speeding... He said, "I have been waiting all day for someone like you."
    And the guy answered, "That's why I wanted to be here as fast as possible !"
  • German physicist Werner Heisenberg is pulled over for speeding. The cop asked, do you know how fast you were going? Heisenberg responds, no but I know exactly where I am.
  • A guy gets pulled over for speeding The cops walks up to the guy's car window and says "Son, I've been here just a waitin' for you all day."
    The guy replies "Well, I got here as fast as I could".
  • I had a speeding ticket dismissed by a judge who knew his physics The cop wrote down my location, so I told the judge if he knew where I was, he couldn't possibly measure my velocity.
  • I got pulled over for speeding in a Chevette. The cop didn't want to give me a ticket; he just wanted to know how I did it.
  • Pulled over by the Five-O A cop pulled me over the other day. Apparently I was speeding. He said: "Papers."
    I said: "Scissors, I win!" and drove away.
  • I got pulled over doing 69 in a 55 last night. I'm pretty sure I was speeding too, but the cop just kept focusing on the legs around my head being unsafe.
  • A cop pulls a guy over for speeding on a slow day Cop: "I've been waiting for you all day."
    Driver: "Sorry, officer. I got here as fast as I could."
  • My wife is speeding and lying about it to me... I can't find any tickets as proof but her friends tell me almost every day that she is getting nailed by 2 cops.

Highway Cop Jokes

Here is a list of funny highway cop jokes and even better highway cop puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Heisenberg is driving along the highway... A cop pulls him over and asks "Sir, do you know how fast you were going?".
    Heisenberg replies "No, but I know exactly where I was!".
  • Heisenberg was speeding down the highway. Cop pulled him over and says "Son, do you have any idea how fast you were going back there?"
    Heisenberg said, "No, but I knew where I was"
  • An old lady was knitting & speeding down the highway. A cop pulled up alongside her vehicle & yelled, "Pull over!" She yelled back, "No, they're mittens!"
  • An old lady was speeding down the highway while she was knitting.
    A cop sees this and speeds up alongside her vehicle.
    "Pullover!" the cop says
    "No!" the woman replied, "They're mittens!"
  • What do you call 2 black California Highway bike cops? Chocolate CHIPS
  • A cop stops a German child from driving on the highway COP: How old are you? Do you speak english?
    German: Nine.
  • I got arrested for running out of gas on the highway. I told the cop I was on E.
  • A man was driving on the highway smoking m**... when a cop pulled him over and asks: "Sir, how high are you?" The man replies to the cop, "No, officer, it's 'hi, how are you?'"

Traffic Cop Jokes

Here is a list of funny traffic cop jokes and even better traffic cop puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What was the name of Russia's first female traffic cop? Ivana Pulyova
  • A cop stops a speeding guy... - Do you know how fast you were going?
    - I was just trying to keep up with traffic!
    - There is no traffic...
    - Yeah, THAT'S how far behind I am.
  • Bad pun #3 I didn't want to believe my dad was stealing from his job as a traffic cop but when I got home all the signs were there.
  • You know you're getting old when... You don't panic at the sight of a cop car behind you in traffic.
  • What's a traffic cop's favorite kind of sweater? A pull over.
  • A motorist was pulled over by a traffic cop. "Excuse me, sir," said the cop. "Do you realize your wife fell out of the car two miles back?"
    "Thank God," he said. "I thought I'd gone deaf!"
  • Did you hear about the dyslexic traffic cop who spent the weekend handing out IUD's?
  • Did you hear about the dyslexic traffic cop who spent the weekend handing out IUD's?
  • A traffic cop went through the trouble of leaving a note under my wipers to let me know I'd positioned my car correctly It said Parking fine so that was nice.
  • Kid 1: my dad can stop traffic with just one hand. Kid 2: wow , is he Superman ?
    Kid 1: no he is a traffic cop !!

Undercover Cop Jokes

Here is a list of funny undercover cop jokes and even better undercover cop puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I've been talking to a 13 year old girl for about 2 weeks now We've been texting a lot lately and she just told me she's an undercover cop, that's quite impressive for her age.
  • Been chatting and flirting with this 14 year old chick Now she tells me she's an undercover cop. How freakin' cool is that for someone her age.
  • I was flirting with this teenager on the internet... ...after a while, she tells me she's an undercover cop.
    How cool is that for someone her age?
  • I used to work as a bed salesman One day this guy came in and started climbing into the beds and asking really specific questions. Then it hit me, he was an undercover cop.
  • This girl I've been sexting told me she's an undercover cop That's impressive for an 11 year old.
  • Why was the police man in bed? He was an undercover cop
  • Why did the policeman go to bed? Because he was an undercover cop.
  • I was talking to a 12 year old on the Internet when she told me she was an undercover cop I told her I was proud of her
    That's a really big job for a 12 year old
  • Did you hear about the undercover cop who uncovered a glory hole in a public toilet? Turns out he received an anonymous tip.
  • I have been messaging some 14 year old cutie. Last night she told me she was an undercover cop. How cool is that for such a young age!

Fun-Filled Cop Jokes to Boost Your Mood

What funny jokes about cop you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean officer jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make cop pranks.

Are you Blonde?

A blond cop pulls over a blond and asks for her drivers license. The blond starts looking through her car then asks, "Uhh, what are they again?"
The blond cop replies, "Ugh. It's the thing in your purse with your picture on it." "Oh yeah," says the blond who reaches in her purse, pulls out a compact mirror, and hands it over. The blond cop opens it, takes a look inside, hands it back, and says, "I'm sorry ma'am. If I knew you were a cop, I wouldn't have pulled you over."

A cop pulls over a car with two priests.

The cop makes his way up to the window and says, We're looking for two child molesters.
The priests look at each other for a moment and turn back to the cop.
We'll do it.

Blonde gets caught speeding.

The cop is also a blonde.
Cop: Let me see your driver's license.
Driver: What's that?
Cop: A square thing with your picture on it.
Blonde fumbles through her purse, finds a mirror, sees herself in it, and hands it to the cop.
Cop looks at it, hands it back and says,
I'm gonna let you go without a ticket. I didn't know you were a cop.
(

A blond cop pulls over a blond and asks for identification.

The blond asks, What's that?
The blond cop replies, It's the thing in your purse with your picture on it.
The blond reaches into her purse, pulls out her compact mirror, and hands it over.
The blond cop opens it, takes a look, and says, I'm sorry mam. If I knew you were an officer, I wouldn't have pulled you over.

Uvalde citizen gets pulled over

A very cute blonde was pulled over for speeding by an Uvalde motorcycle officer. When he walked up to her window and opened his ticket book, she said, "I bet you're going to sell me a ticket to the policeman's Ball."
The cop replied, "No, ma'am. You're thinking of the Border Patrol , the Uvalde Police don't have b**...."

I got pulled over and my vape was in my cup holder.

The cop said you know, the news says those things are killing people.
I chuckled and said they're saying the same thing about you guys.
He didn't laugh.

My brother was murdered today

cop: do you mind identifying the body \[puts hand on my shoulder\] I have to warn you the body was hacked up.
me: \[tearing up\] yes that's my brother Reese.
cop: you're sure?
me: \[nodding\] those are Reese's Pieces.

A Blonde woman was speeding down the road and was pulled over by a female police officer, who was also a blonde.

The blonde Cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
'What does it look like?' she finally asked. The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has you picture on it.'
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said.
The Blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop…

My wife put on a s**... cop outfit and arrested me on suspicion of being good in bed.

After a short trial, I was found not guilty.

A woman was caught with drugs in her hand by a cop while in the bathroom of a nightclub

The woman swears that the drugs are not hers and promises that, "They aren't mine - I found them here and I tried to flush them down the toilet. However, every single time I flush the drugs down the drain they just keep re-appearing magically in my hands or my pockets!"
The cop, obviously in disbelief, tells the woman, "Show me."
So the woman tosses the bag of drugs into the toilet, then flushes it. The bag swishes down. The cop then stares at the woman's empty hand as the bag is flushed down.
"Well," says the cop, "where are the drugs now?"
"What drugs?"

Cop on Patrol

A cop is patrolling at night and sees a car parked in lover's lane.
He knocks on the window, when it's rolled down he sees a guy in the front seat playing on his phone and a girl in the back seat reading a magazine.
The cop says What's going on here?
The guy says, nothing at all officer.
Cop says Let's see some ID, how old are you? The guy hands the cop his license and says he's 27.
The cop says, And her, how old is she?
The guy looks at his watch and says
She will be 18 in exactly 9 minutes.

Heisenberg and Schroedinger are driving together, but they get stopped by a police officer.

The officer asks, "Did you know you were driving at 75 mph?"
Heisenberg sighs, "Oh great, now we're lost."
The cop is unhappy, and checks the car's trunk. He asks, "And why is there a dead cat in here?"
Schroedinger grumbles, "Well there is NOW!"

A cop stopped a guy for speeding...

He said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
"I was trying to keep up with traffic," he replied.
He said, "There is no traffic."
And the guy answered, "That's how far behind I am."

Two priests are out driving one day..

when they get pulled over by a police officer.
The cop approaches the priests vehicle and says to the driver
"Sorry to pull you over father, but we're looking for a couple of child molesters"
The two priests look at each other for a few moments and have a few quiet words to each other. The driver turns back to the cop and says;
"Alright officer, we'll do it"

A man was caught by a cop with drugs in the bathroom

The man says, "I swear, it's not mine! I found it here and tried to flush it down the toilet, but every time I flush the drugs down it magically reappears in my hand!"
"I don't believe you," says the cop. "Show me."
The man tosses the bag of drugs into the toilet, then flushes it. The bag swishes down. The cop then stares at the man's empty hand as the bag is flushed down.
"Well," says the cop, "where are the drugs now?"
"What drugs?"

A circus performer is driving home after a long day of training, when he is pulled over by a police officer for a broken light.

The officer looks in the car and sees a collection of knives in the backseat.
Sir, he says, Why do you have all those knives?
They're for my juggling act, the circus performer replies.
I don't believe you, says the cop. Prove it. So the performer gets out of his car and begins juggling the knives flawlessly.
Just at that moment, a car with two guys in it drives by. "Wow, says one to the other. I'm glad I quit drinking. These new sobriety tests are hard.

Did Santa get you that?

Cop on horse says to little g**... bike, "Did Santa get you that?"
"Yes," replies the little girl. "Well tell him to put a reflector light on it next year!" and fines her $5.

The little girl looks up at the cop and says, "Nice horse you've got there, did Santa bring you that?"
The cop chuckles and replies, "He sure did!" "Well," says the little girl, "Next year tell Santa that the d*c**... goes under the horse, not on top of it!"

An old couple gets pulled over and...

Lady cop - "May I see you license and registration sir?"
Old man - "ugh, what did she say?"
Old wife - "She needs to see you license and registration dear."
**The old man hands it to the lady cop and...**
Lady cop - "Oh, I see you are from New York. I used to have a lover from New York, he was the worst lover I ever had."
Old man - "ugh, what did she say?"
Old wife - "Nothing dear, She thinks she used to know you."

are you sure I'm drunk?

A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter.
A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in pal. You're obviously drunk."
The wasted man asked, "Officer, are you absolutely sure I'm drunk?"
"Yeah buddy, I'm sure," said the cop, "Let's go."
Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness. I thought I was crippled."

Heisenberg, Schroedinger and Ohm are in a car...

Heisenberg, Schroedinger and Ohm are in a
car...
... And they get pulled over. Heisenberg is driving and the cop asks him "Do you know how fast you were going?"
"No, but I know exactly where I am" Heisenberg replies.
The cop says "You were doing 55 in a 35." Heisenberg throws up his hands and shouts "Great! Now I'm lost!"
The cop thinks this is suspicious and orders him to pop open the trunk. He checks it out and says "Do you know you have a dead cat back here?"
"We do now, a**...!" shouts Schroedinger.
The cop moves to arrest them.
Ohm resists.

A cop is out on patrol, and sees a car parked in the local lover's lane, with the windows all steamed up.

He knocks on the drivers window, and the guy inside rolls it down. The cop sees that there is a guy sitting in the front seat, fully clothed, and a girl in the back seat, also fully clothed.
"What are you up to here, son?"
"Well, officer, I'm reading a magazine, as you can see."
"And what's she doing back there?"
"I think she's playing a game on her phone."
"Have you been drinking tonight?"
"No, sir. I'm only twenty."
"And how old is she?"
The guy looks at his watch and says, "Sir, in eleven minutes she'll be eighteen."

Cop pulls over bad driver

Cop- sir do you realize how badly you were switching lanes?
Guy- sorry officer, I'm drunk af
Cop-that's not a valid reason to let your girlfriend drive the car

A blonde accidentally kills a cop and calls the police:

- Hello, is this 911?
- Yes, what is your emergency?
- I called to inform you that you're 910 now.

COP: Where were you the night of the m**...?

CROW: I was with a group of friends
COP: What would you call that group?
CROW: …I want a lawyer

A cop stopped a guy for speeding…

Cop said: Do you know how fast you were going?
The guy replied: I was trying to keep up with traffic
The cop said: But there is no traffic
And the guy answered: That's how far behind I am

Cop: So I'm writing you a ticket for driving alone in the car pool lane.

Me: You're going to feel really s**... when you look in my trunk.

The other day I got pulled over by a cop. When he walked up, I pulled out my 9mm...

Once he stopped laughing, he wrote me up for indecent exposure...

A cop just stopped me for jaywalking and then tasered me after exchanging a few words...

Police: Turn around.
Me: Every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you're never coming round...
Police: TURN AROUND!!
Me: BRIGHT EYES, Every now and then I fall apart. And you I need you now tonight, and I need you more than ev--AHHHHHH!

A man gets pulled over by a female cop.

He asks "what seems to be the problem, officer?", and the cop responds, "oh, nothing."

A blond cop pulled over a blond and asked for ID

The blond said, What's ID?
The blond cop said, It's the thing in your purse with your picture on it.
The blond gave her compact mirror to the blond cop, who said, I'm sorry. If I knew you were a cop, I would not have pulled you over.

Two priests are driving down a road when they are pulled over by the cops.

The cop shines a light in their faces and signals to the driver to roll down his window.
"We're searching for two child molesters," he says.
The driver leans over to the other priest and they whisper between themselves.
Finally, he turns back to the policeman. "Ok. We'll do it."

Two priests are out driving and get pulled over

The cop approaches the priests vehicle and says to the driver Sorry to pull you over father, but we're looking for a couple of child molesters
The two priests look at each other for a few moments and have a few quiet words to each other. The driver turns back to the cop and says—
Alright officer, we'll do it

A drunk wakes up in jail, "Why am I here officer?"

"For drinking." replies the cop.
"Great" says the man. "When do we start?"

(credit to "Fact and Fun" on youtube)

Otto the German was driving from Germany to Paris to visit some relatives.

A French cop stops him and asks the usual questions:
cop: name?
Otto: Otto
cop: address?
Otto: 341 Brandenburg Street, Berlin
cop: Occupation?
Otto: no, just visiting...

A cop walks over to a bruised and beaten man outside of a pub.

He asks the man what happened and the man tells him this; "So I walk into the pub and sit down and as im waiting for my drink I overhear two large women talking with a strange accent. So I ask them 'Are you two ladies from Ireland?' One of them scoffs and tells me "it's Wales d**...." So I ask again 'are you two whales from Ireland?' And thats about all I can remember."

A blonde woman is speeding down an empty road when she's pulled over by a blonde cop. The cop walks up to her window and asks for her driver's license.

Driver's license? the blonde driver asks, somewhat confused.
You know, the little rectangle with your face on it that you keep in your purse, the blonde cop explains patiently.
Oh, that! the blonde driver exclaims. She digs around in her purse and finally pulls out a small rectangular mirror, which she hands to the blonde cop.
The blonde cop looks at the mirror and exclaims, Oh, I'm sorry, ma'am, you're free to go…I didn't realize you were a cop!

A cop is confronted by a white guy with a gun and a black guy with a nerf bat. Who does he shoot first?

The bystander with the camera.

Cop on horse says to little g**... bike, "Did Santa get you that?"

"Yes," replies the little girl. "Well tell him to put a reflector light on it next year!" and fines her $5.
The little girl looks up at the cop and says, "Nice horse you've got there, did Santa bring you that?"
The cop chuckles and replies, "He sure did!" "Well," says the little girl, "Next year tell Santa that the d\*c**... goes under the horse, not on top of it!"

Officer, you can't give me a ticket. I have to go run the marathon tomorrow.

Cop: That's not how you play the race card.

A cop sees a car driving slowly and wiggly, changing lanes for no reason and so on

He pulls the car over, a man and a woman sit in it.
Cop: "I had to pull you over, you can't drive like that!"
Man: "I'm sorry, I've drank a little bit to much..."
Cop: "That's not an excuse to let your wife drive!"

An Irish priest is driving along a country road when a police man pulls him over.

He immediately smells alcohol on the priest's breath and notices an empty wine bottle in the car.
He says: "Have you been drinking?"
"Just water," says the priest.
The cop replies: "Then why do I smell wine?"
The priest looks at the bottle and says: "Good Lord! He's done it again!"

Cop: I'm arresting you for illegally downloading the entire Wikipedia

Man: Wait I can explain everything

A blond cop pulls over a blond and asks for her drivers license.

.
The blond starts looking through her car then asks, "Uhh, what are they again?"
The blond cop replies, "Ugh. It's the thing in your purse with your picture on it."
"Oh yeah," says the blond who reaches in her purse, pulls out a compact mirror, and hands it over.
The blond cop opens it, takes a look inside, hands it back, and says, "I'm sorry ma'am. If I knew you were a cop, I wouldn't have pulled you over."

Cop: You're driving on the wrong side of the road.

Driver: Sorry, I'm English
Cop: (shouting) Oii.. It's the rong soid of the roade ye was droivin down, innit?

Three burglars break into a building and are confronted by a soldier, a cop, and a politician.

The politician tells the soldier to kill Burglar #1, and the two stab each other to death.
The politician then tells the cop to arrest Burglar #2, and the two beat each other unconscious.
The politician then walks up to Burglar #3 and says "I just saved your life, your freedom, and tripled your share of the loot. I think 20% is a fair cut."

*cop pulls over a driver*

Cop: Who's car is this? Where are you headed? What do you do?
Miner: Mine.

A cop pulls over a miner and asks

"Sir, whose car is this? Where are you headed? What do you do as a profession?"
And the miner replies "Mine."

What do you call a cop who gets convicted of m**...?

A good start.

Me, to the cop: You can't arrest me. I have a marathon to run today!

Cop: Stop playing the race card!

The kid runs up to a policeman

"Officer!" yells the kid, "My father is in a fight with another man!"
The officer says "Calm down kid, where is he?"
"He's right around the corner!" exclaims the kid.
The cop follows him around the corner, and sure enough, there's two men going at it as hard as they can.
"Which one is your father?" asks the cop
"I don't know!" cries the kid. "That's what they're fighting about!"

A man rolls thru a STOP sign and a cop pulls him over

"I pulled you over because you failed to stop at that stop sign. You only slowed down."
"Slow down... stop... what's the difference?"
The cop pulls the man out of his car and begins beating him with his nightstick.
"Now you tell me whether you want me to stop... or slow down."
*This joke was told to me by a police officer, which made it kinda scary.

So a cop knocked on my door this morning.

He asked, 'sir we believe your dog has been chasing a boy up the road on his bike.'
I replied, 'sorry officer, you must have the wrong house. My dog doesn't own a bike.'

My wife put on a s**... cop outfit and arrested me on suspicion of being good in bed.

After a quick trial I was released due to lack of evidence.

A drunk guy walks out of a bar

There's a cop outside who asks him, "What's your name, son?"
The drunk guys answers, "I'm Jesus Christ!"
Cop says, "You are not Jesus Christ. What's your name?"
Drunk guy replies, "I'll prove it. Follow me." The cop follows him back into the bar.
As they enter, the bartender yells, "Jesus Christ! Are you back again?!"
Drunk guys turns to cop and says, "See?"

I asked the cop, Why are you crying as you are writing me a ticket?

Cop: It's a moving violation.

An identity thief and a r**... get convicted in a poor town...

The judge decides that the best punishment is to tie them up in a courtyard and for $5 you can punch the identity thief so he can never use his charm to con again, or for $10 you can kick the r**... in the nuts. The police officer in charge of this spots a girl kick the identity thief in the nuts and says, "Hey! You can't do that!" The girl asks, "Why not?" And the cop says, "Because this is the punchline."

I got pulled over in the carpool lane.

Cop: Where's your passenger?
Me: Due to social distancing they're in the car behind me.

Heisenberg is pulled over by the cops

The cop asks Do you know how fast you were going?
Heisenberg replies No, but I know where I am.

A cop started crying while he was writing me a ticket.

I asked him why and he said, "It's a moving violation."

A cop pulled over a spanish photon...

The cop asked, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
The photon said, "c."

Cop joke.

So I'm an ER RN and we love to joke around. Had two cops in with a patient. I deadpanned I heard there's been ppl stealing tires off (local) cop cars…. The one cop says I haven't heard anything about this .
So… I said I've heard the police are tirelessly investigating it.
First cop high fives me. I say dad joke! Second cop pouts.
Lol.

"Your eyes look red." said the cop. "Have you been smoking w**...?"

"Your eyes look glazed." I replied. "Have you been eating donuts?"

Cop 1: This m**... seems racially motivated.

Cop 2: Hate crime?
Cop 1: Of course I hate crime. That's why I'm a cop.

A college professor is driving home drunk one Saturday night....

When he gets pulled over. The cop comes up to his window and asks him:
"Excuse me sir, you were speeding, you ran a red light and you appear to be drunk, where are you going?"
The professor replies: "I am currently on my way to a lecture concerning the dangers of drinking, smoking and staying up late."
The police officer says: "Who could possibly be giving that kind of lecture at this time?"
The professor responds: "My wife."

So I was doing donuts in my car..

And a cop pulls me over. Now I know what you're thinking, who names their dog Donuts?

A Jewish man is in a car accident.

A Jewish man is in a car accident and is laying bleeding on the side of the road. A cop runs up, and rolls him on his back. He looks down on him and says, "the paramedics are coming. Are you comfortable?"
The Jewish guy say, "eh... I make a decent living."

jokes about cop