Cool Jokes
152 cool jokes and hilarious cool puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about cool that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Make your friends laugh with these cool jokes! Our selection includes the cool jokes for friends, school, and even UFOs. Check out the coolest and chillest jokes around to get a laugh out of anyone!
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Funniest Cool Short Jokes
Short cool jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The cool humour may include short awesome jokes also.
- If any of you here are thinking of getting married, consider the following before you do. On the one hand, you get to wear a pretty cool ring.
On the other hand, you don't. - My girlfriend told me to take the spider out instead of killing it. We went and had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a web developer.
- I slept with a girl who works at Netflix last night It was pretty cool, she even recommended some girls I might like to sleep with next
- I told my wife I'm going cool myself to -273.15 degree C. She has nothing to worry about, I'll be 0K
- Just been chatting to my neighbour's teenage daughter and it turns out she's really into UFOs and alien. Which is cool because tomorrow she's getting abducted.
- Authorities close investigation on the group of hipsters found dead in a pond last week. Turns out they were ice skating before it was cool.
- I am thinking of moving to Switzerland, I hear the social benefits are really great. Their cool looking flag is a really big plus, too
- Why do hipsters always burn their mouths eating pizza? They got into it before it was cool.
- Did you know that an airplane's propeller is only a big fan and is there to keep the pilot cool? Don't believe me?
Turn it off, and see how much the pilot sweats! - What did one Dorito farmer say to the other Dorito farmer? Cool ranch.
(Written by my 9 yo daughter).
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Cool One Liners
Which cool one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with cool? I can suggest the ones about nice and interesting.
- I think it's pretty cool how the Chinese made a language entirely out of tattoos.
- Why is the hipster sweating? Because he wore a scarf before it was cool.
- Broke up with my girlfriend today It's cool though, she said we can still be cousins.
- Why did the hipster fall into the lake? He went ice skating before it was cool.
- How to be cool A) Use happy sunglasses emoji
B) - Name a vegetable that's kind of cool. Radish
- What's cooler than being cool? Being 0K.
- How did the Hawaiian hipster die? He walked on lava before it was cool.
- My girlfriend doesn't like it when I ask her to blow cool air on me She is not a fan.
- How do you make a neato burrito? With cool beans.
- How to be cool: A) Make the sunglasses face
B) - Cooling yourself to -273C is completely fine... If you do, you'll be 0K!
- Why do hipsters hate ice skating? They could never do it before it was cool
- I missed class due to hypothermia... I was too cool for school
- 2/22/22 may seem cool... but I was around for 12:34:56 7/8/90
I Am So Cool Jokes
Here is a list of funny i am so cool jokes and even better i am so cool puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why did the hipster burn his mouth while drinking coffee? Because he drank it before it was cool
- I saw a hipster walking outside in the cold. He didn't have a jacket on, so I asked him why.
He said he was outside before it was cool. - Green chameleon for sale... No, a red one.
No, blue.
No wait, a pink one.
Cool.
Never mind, I'm keeping it! - When my child tells me she's thirsty (firsty) I tell her cool I'm secondy. She does not appreciate the joke. Neither does anyone else.
- I was flirting with this teenager on the internet... ...after a while, she tells me she's an undercover cop.
How cool is that for someone her age? - My bank has a new feature where they'll text you your bank balance. I think it's pretty cool. I just don't think they should end the text with "LOL", though.
- People always make fun of my dad because his name is Chip and he is a Dorito farmer You might think that is cheesy but actually we got to grow up on a really cool ranch
- I once dated a girl, who owned a parrot. The thing would never shut up. The parrot was cool though.
- A black guy walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder.. The bartender looks at him and says, "Wow, that's pretty cool! Where'd you get it?"
The parrot replies, "In Africa, they're everywhere!" - My medication says to store it in a cool, dark place. So I keep it in a jazz club in Harlem.
Pretty Cool Jokes
Here is a list of funny pretty cool jokes and even better pretty cool puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- This guy walks into a bar with a lizard on his shoulder... and the bartender says, that's a pretty cool lizard, what's his name?
The guy says, "Tiny, because he's minute" - I got a new fridge today. It's pretty cool.
- I once heard that hypothermia Is a pretty cool way to go
- Asian people are pretty cool If only they could see that..
- Why was the albino, glasses-wearing man okay with a wizard turning him into a cool looking bug? He was a pretty fly, four eyed, white guy.
- You know, being unsure if I'm a plant is actually pretty cool. Am I rye?
- My doctor was telling me that my blood tests had a typo So I guess it's pretty cool to be a universal donor.
- Skull shaped ice cubes are pretty cool Well, for a few minutes at least.
- Me and my wife have been arguing over the thermostat It got pretty heated last night but it will soon cool off
- So social media was down today I went outside my room and met my family, they seem pretty cool.
Keeping Cool Jokes
Here is a list of funny keeping cool jokes and even better keeping cool puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I don't get why women keep complaining about this "glass ceiling" Where I work we have this cool glass floor, though.
- What is the point of a propeller on a plane? It keeps the pilot cool. If you see it stop, and you will start to see him sweat
- A man went viral after making a TikTok video describing how to keep cool without any air conditioning. He has a lot of fans.
- Sports Enthusiasts I got hired by my local baseball team to keep the players cool in the locker room. It was a difficult job because I'm not a fan.
- When asked how he keeps his cool under pressure... The bomb squad captain said "either I'm right or it's not my problem anymore."
- I convinced my son if he didn't try to keep me cool during Summer he wouldn't be written into my will... Apparently I'm now a bad father simply for wanting some heir conditioning.
- Where do Arctic Monkeys store their food to keep it cool. Indie fridge.
- Why did the hipster shave off his beard? To keep cool during the summer…
- I just bought a new hat... ...with a built-in fan that keeps my head cool during hot weather.
It really blows my mind. - Its been really hot in Seattle lately, so I converted my dishwasher into an air conditioner the other day. How? I handed my wife a hand fan to keep me cool.
Cool Kids Jokes
Here is a list of funny cool kids jokes and even better cool kids puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- According to my kids, dad jokes are not cool... ...for a-parent reasons.
- So, you don't like hypothermia? All the cool kids are getting it.
- When I was a kid... 'Too cool for school' meant the boiler had broken and we were all sent home.
- I always thought it was interesting how double jointed kids were always really cool in elementary school... I mean weird flex, but ok.
- I'm not sure about cryogenics But all the cool kids are doing it.
- My grandpa was part of the cool kid club when he was younger. Since he was the leader he got a cool nickname: The Grand Wizard
- I have two kids, they are twelve and ten. What? Their names seemed cool at the time.
- I buried the Past today ... He was a cool kid. But he should have let me Rob his home peacefully.
- A divers reached 300 meters under the sea Diver : the pressure here is immense
Fish : all the cool kids take drugs
Diver : all the cool kids you say? - What transportation do cool kids use? The suhh-way.
Comical & Quirky Cool Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about cool you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean cold jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make cool pranks.
So I dragged off this girl from the bar the other night...
She had this cool tattoo of a seashell on her inner thigh. Damnedest thing, though! When I put my ear to it, I could smell the ocean.
A man is taking his son to buy his first car...
The son spots an old, used cop car at one of the lots. "Dad! I want that! It would be so cool! Can I test drive the cop car?" The father replies: "No, son. I want your car to have working turn signals and an accurate speedometer."
Jar Full of $10 Bills
A man walks into a bar and sees a jar full of $10 bills on the bar. He goes to the barkeep and says "Hey, what's up with that jar?"
The bartender responds "Well, you put in 10 bucks, do 3 challenges, and if you do them you get the whole jar."
The man says "Wow that's pretty cool, what are the challenges?"
The barkeep lists "Well, first ya gotta drink a whole bottle of hot sauce, and no nursing. Second, there's a dog out back who has a sore tooth and he's real grouchy, and you gotta take out the bad tooth bare handed. Last, there's this old lady upstairs who's never done the hokey pokey, if ya know what I mean, and you gotta fix that."
The man replies in disgust "I can't do any of those!" So the man gets drunk. Being drunk, he decides he can do anything and says "Hand me the bottle of hot sauce." So the bartender hands the man the bottle and the man drinks the whole, straight down. He then goes outside to deal with the dog. As the door shuts you hear yelping and screaming and hollering and growling and then.... dead silence... The door creaks open and the man walks in. He's all covered in blood, his shirts torn, he's missing hair... and in a drunken slur he asks "Where's the old lady with the tooth problem?"
A real cowboy?
An old cowboys goes into a bar, sits down and orders a drink. As he sits there sipping his bourbon, a young lady sits down next to him. She turns to the cowboys and asks "Are you a real cowboy?".
He replies "Well, I've spent my whole life on the ranch, herding horses, mending fences and branding cattle, so I guess I am".
She says "That's cool. I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning I think about women. When I shower or watch TV, everything seems to make me think of women".
The young lady finishes her drink and leaves and soon after a couple sits down next to the cowboy and the man asks him "Are you a real cowboy?".
He replies "Well, I always thought I was but I just found out I'm a lesbian".
Whatever you do, don't tell this joke to a math person; they will just make you upset
Bill is a giant nerd, and he knows that he isn't perceived as cool; in fact, lots of people call him a square. So, in an effort to be cool, he finds some cool guys and decides to go do everything he can with them.
They say, "Hey Bill, we're going to the bar. Want to come?"
He says, "Sure," and comes to the bar. They all order shots and beers. Bill doesn't want to be a square, so he orders shots and beers, and they all have a great time.
Next week, they call Bill up and tell him that they're going to a club. Bill comes along with them. They all start grinding on women and ordering tons of booze. Bill doesn't want to be a square, so he does the same and has a good time.
The next week, they call Bill up and tell him that they're going to a football game. Bill doesn't want to be a square, so he comes along. The guys are all cheering for their team enthusiastically, but Bill just sits quietly in his seat. Finally one of the guys says, "Bill, this isn't like you. Everything else we've done, you've joined in happily. Why won't you root for the team with us?"
Bill replies, "Well, I don't want to be a square. And rooting? Rooting is for squares."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Mexican, an Arab, and a r**... girl......
A Mexican, an Arab, and a r**... girl are in the same bar.
When the Mexican finishes his beer, he throws his glass in the air, pulls out his p**..., and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, 'In Mexico , our glasses are so cheap we don't need to drink with the same one twice.'
The Arab, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws it into the air, pulls out his AK-47, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, 'In the Arab World, we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink with the same one twice either.'
The r**... girl, cool as a cucumber, picks up her beer, downs it in one gulp, throws the glass into the air, whips out her 45, and shoots the Mexican and the Arab. Catching her glass, setting it on the bar, and calling for a refill, she says:
'In America we have so many i**... aliens that we don't have to drink with the same ones twice.'
So a man dies and goes to Heaven...
In Heaven, he asks God what the coolest things about Heaven are.
God says, "Well, here in Heaven, a minute lasts a million years, and a penny is worth a million dollars."
The man replies, "Oh, cool! Can I have a penny?"
To which God tells him, "In a minute."
My fifth grade teacher told me this joke when I was in, well, fifth grade.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The people on the internet are so friendly....
o**... called me bro, and he even said my story was cool.
A Rabbi and a Priest were having a picnic
A Rabbi and a Priest were having a picnic on a really hot summer day and wanted to dip in the river to cool off. They had not thought to bring bathing suits, so decided to skinny dip instead.
The river was flowing rapidly and both clergy were washed a short distance downstream before getting out. After climbing out of the river they had just started to make a run for it to get to their clothes, when many members of their congregation came into view.
The Priest covered his privates with his hands and put on a burst of speed, but the Rabbi covered his face instead. "What are you doing?" the Priest asked. "I don't know about you," the Rabbi answered, "but my congregants recognize me by my face."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two old friends meet in bar...
[translated from Turkish]
-Hey Jack! How have you been! It's been months!
-Bonjour Monsieur ! Indeed, it's been a while
-"Bonjour Monsieur"? What's this French?
-Mais biensur !
-Don't screw with me Jack. I know you don't know French. We both went to the same school and we never had any French lessons!!
-No, no! I'm learning via the radio. 99.3 FM. Every day at 10AM you have French lessons. Very easy, I suggest you try.
-Oh, ok, cool I'll give a try tomorrow.
Next morning he calls Jack:
-Yo Jack, I have those old radios with a needle for tuning. Does it work with those old radios too?
-Sure! Scroll to 99, then go a little further to the right.
-Oh cool! Thx!
-Mais de rien !
-oh! s**... already...
Couple of weeks later, he meets Jack again. And Jack asks:
-Salut mon ami, How is your French?
- Shhhszzzzoussssshzzziuhli! (static noise)
[probably not the best written joke :/]
I showed my 12 year old son an old floppy disk..
He said "Wow.. Cool! You 3D printed the save icon!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Getting tired of these people who come to my door, telling me I'm gonna burn unless I'm saved...
The flashing lights on their trucks were pretty cool to see, though.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A black man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder.
"Cool, where'd you get that?" says the bartender. "Africa", replies the parrot. "They're all over the place."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So I'm at a bar, and two very large women with accents are sitting across from me.
I ask, "Cool accent, are you two ladies from Scotland??"
One yells back, "It's WALES you idiot!"
I reply, "Oh, of course. My bad! Are you two whales from Scotland?"
Why is B so cool?
Because it is next to the AC
Buddy's been driving all night, sees a roadside bar and stops for a much-needed cold beer.
Bouncer says "sorry bud, gotta have a tie to get in".
Buddy goes to his car, roots thru the trunk and can't find a tie. Grabs his jumper cables and wraps them around his neck.
Bouncer says "cool man, come on in...just don't start anything".
....I'll see myself out now.
I was chatting with this cute 14 y/o online
She said she was an undercover police officer. How cool for someone her age!
Why are monsters hipsters?
Because they've been coming out of the closet since before it was cool.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I hate One Direction fans...
Oscillating ones cool down a room much better.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
*In the ER* "We're losing him, anyone have any ideas?"
"How about 50 cc's of a cool refreshing beverage?"
"d**... Dr. Pepper not now!"
FRESH HARAMBE OF BELL AIR....
In west Cincinnati I was born and raised on the zoo grounds is where I spent most of my days,Chillin out hangin out acting all cool, eating bananas out by the pool When a mom and her kid, they were up to no good, crawled over the fence into my neighborhood,I got in one little fight and my zoo keeper got scared, heard a gunshot just before I stopped breathing air.......
Hey girl are you a cool autumn breeze
Because you make me wanna jacket
Wife calls her scientist husband...
"Honey.. Its Saturday.. you're late..."
"I'm busy with my team in an experiment"
"Whats that?"
"We've just added a derivative of C2H5OH with ambiant temperature H2O and aqueous CO2. To cool this mixture added some super low temperature, solidified H2O, now while waiting for some protein, we are fumigating the lab with vapours of nicotine...
It's 4 or 5 round experiment.. So I will be late."
"Oh dear.. I won't disturb you. Take your time.."
2 men are sitting on a bench in a park, filled with children. Kids are having fun.
Man 1: "Kids are amazing. Look at them, playing, socializing... so cute!"
Man 2: "Yup."
Man 1: "My Timmy, right over there, likes to play soccer with his friends."
Man 2: "Cool."
Man 1: "Hey, which one is yours?"
Man 2: "Haven't decided yet..."
I found out about this cool underground band called The Beatles.
Well actually only about half of them are underground at the moment.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
i**... isn't cool...
I can count at least 17 reasons why on my hands
Two young boys go to a store
They have $6 between them and want a cool toy. After shopping around they come up to the register with a box of tampons. The clerk asks "Why?" One little boy replies "It says on the box you can go swimming, horse-back riding, play tennis, and other activities!! We just need to figure out how they work."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
10-inch BIC
Two guys are out fishing on a boat when one of them wants to have a smoke.
1: You got a lighter?
2: Yes. *pulls out a 10 inch long BIC lighter*
1: Woah, where'd you get that!?
2: I have a personal genie.
1: Cool! Can I make a wish?
2: Sure, just be very clear, he's a bit hard of hearing. *Summons genie*
1: I wish for a million bucks!
*The genie snaps his fingers and a million ducks fly overhead.*
1: Wow, your genie really s**... at hearing.
2: I know, do you really think I asked for a 10 inch BIC?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many hipsters does it take to fix a heater?
None. They did it before it was cool.
A Bee on a Fly
(Disclaimer) this is a repost from something I saw a long time ago, so if someone could get a source that'd be very cool
A bee is riding on the back of a fly. The fly turns around, and asks, hey, are you a bee?
In which the bee replies, I might bee.
The fly then says, dude, that's the worst pun I have ever heard.
The bee responds, I know man, I made it up on the fly.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Chad's wife decided to surprise him on his birthday
and to show him that she's a cool wife, she took him to a s**... club.
At the club:
Bouncer: Hi Chad! How you doing tonight?
Wife: How does he know you?
Chad: We play golf together!
Bartender: Evening Chad! The usual?
Wife: And how does he know you?!
Chad: Um, he's on the bowling team!
Hot blonde stripper: Hey s**..., champagne room again tonight?
At this point the wife loses it and storms out of the club, dragging Chad with her, into a taxi.
Taxi driver: Hey Chad! Boy... You picked a fat one tonight huh? Same motel?
Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15˚C...
and still be 0K?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My friend was bragging in a bar about having an o**... at school when he was younger.
It would have been pretty cool, but we knew he was homeschooled.
A traffic cop in a small town stopped a motorist for speeding.
"but Officer," said the driver, "I can explain-"
Save your excuses," said the cop. "You can cool your heels in jail till the chief gets back."
"But Officer..."
"Quiet!" snapped the cop. "You're going to jail the chief will deal with you when he gets back."
A few hours later the officer looks in at the prisoner. "Lucky for you that the chief's at his daughter's wedding. It means he'll be in a good mood when he gets back."
"Don't count on it," said the prisoner. "I'm the groom."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So I'm in a bar and two large women with accents walk in and sit down.
I look over to them and say: "hey ladies, nice accents. Are you from Scotland?"
One of the ladies yells: "it's Wales, you idiot!!"
So I said: "Ok, that's cool. Are you two whales from Scotland?"
I don't remember much else.
I went to this really cool restaurant where they gave out free bandanas with the meals
My girlfriend didn't like it though. She kept saying stuff like, "You're embarrassing me" and "Please take that napkin off your head."
Who is the coolest doctor in the hospital?
The hip doctor.
Why are stadiums so cool?
Because every seat has a fan on it
My hot flight attendant asked how I like my coffee
Trying to sound cool, I told her I like my coffee like I like my women. And that's when she told me "That's cute honey, but the coffee's free. You don't have to pay for it here!"
A scientist announced he managed to cool something down to absolute zero.
It was 0K.
Professor X asks a girl, "what is your mutant power?"
Girl replies: "I can guess how many pulls to turn a ceiling fan off on the first try!"
She points up and says: "3 pulls"
Professor X stands up and pulls 3 times. After the third pull the fan turns off.
Professor X: "Yeah thats cool and all, but not really a super power..."
Girl: "Yeah I was jut kidding, I can heal paraplegics"
Professor X, still standing: "Oh my god"
Made this one up at work today.
There once was an ancient Greek philosopher that dedicated his life to hypothesize the perfect way to cool off on a hot summer day.
His name was Popsicles.
My radiator broke.
Not cool.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A rabbi and a priest are out for a walk through the park.
It's a hot summer day and as they pass by a pond, the rabbi suggest taking a bath to cool down a little.
The priest is hesitant at first, but since they're at a remote spot with noone around, he agrees.
Just as they have finished taking off their robes a group of ladies is jogging by. The priest hastily covers his c**..., while the rabbi hides his face behind his hands.
When the ladies have passed, the priest asks:
"Why didn't you cover your private parts?"
To which the rabbi replies:
"Well, MY congregation recognizes me by my face. "
Professor X asks a girl, "what is your mutant power?"
Girl replies: "I can guess how many pulls to turn a ceiling fan off on the first try!"
She points up and says: "3 pulls"
Professor X stands up and pulls 3 times. After the third pull the fan turns off.
Professor X: "Yeah that's cool and all, but not really a super power..."
Girl: "Yeah I was jut kidding, I can heal paraplegics"
Professor X, still standing: "OH. MY. GODDD !!!!"
So a guy and a girl are on a blind date.
The girl says to the guy, So, Gerry, what do you do for a living?
Gerry immediately bends down to pick something up from under the table. He pulls out a stuffed gopher, and shows it to the girl. Oh, yeah, he says, I'm a taxidermist.
The girl replies with Oh, that's cool.
Then the gopher says, And a ventriloquist.
I had a job offer in Newark, but I heard it's dangerous...
So I called a friend of a friend who lives there. He said, "It has a bad reputation, but if you use basic caution and common sense, it can be a fun, vibrant place to live."
I said, "Cool! By the way, what do you do there?"
He said, "I'm a tail gunner on a bread truck."
Professor X [sitting in his wheel chair] asks a girl, "what is your mutant power?" Girl replies: "I can guess how many pulls to turn a ceiling fan off on the first try!"
She points up and says: "3 pulls"
Professor X stands up and pulls 3 times. After the third pull the fan turns off.
Professor X: "Yeah thats cool and all, but not really a super power..."
r>Girl: "Yeah I was jut kidding, I can heal paraplegics"
Professor X, still standing: "Oh my god"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So a cowboy parks his horse at the saloon, ties him to the outside, kisses him on the a**..., and walks in to have a stiff drink.
The bar keeper saw this happen, and he just had to ask. "Why'd ya kiss your horse on the a**... before coming in? You got s**... all over your lips!" The cowboy, cool as can be, takes a stiff drink before answering. "It's 'cuz I got chapped lips." The bartender was even more confused; "Horse manure helps with chapped lips?"
"Nah," says the cowboy. "But it keeps me from lickin' 'em"
A woman is flirting with a Russian man at a bar(a joke)
She says,
"Hi, handsome, what do you do for a living?"
The Russian replies,
"I work for KGB."
"Cool, tell me an interesting story!"
"About me or about you?"
