The Best 76 Cool Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Cool jokes. There are some cool hopster jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these cool playing it cool puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Cool Jokes and Puns
If any of you here are thinking of getting married, consider the following before you do.
On the one hand, you get to wear a pretty cool ring.
On the other hand, you don't.
My girlfriend told me to take the spider out instead of killing it.
We went and had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a web developer.
I slept with a girl who works at Netflix last night
It was pretty cool, she even recommended some girls I might like to sleep with next
So I dragged off this girl from the bar the other night...
She had this cool tattoo of a seashell on her inner thigh. Damnedest thing, though! When I put my ear to it, I could smell the ocean.
A man is taking his son to buy his first car...
The son spots an old, used cop car at one of the lots. "Dad! I want that! It would be so cool! Can I test drive the cop car?" The father replies: "No, son. I want your car to have working turn signals and an accurate speedometer."
My medication says to store it in a cool, dark place.
So I keep it in a jazz club in Harlem.
A black guy walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder..
The bartender looks at him and says, "Wow, that's pretty cool! Where'd you get it?"
The parrot replies, "In Africa, they're everywhere!"
Why did the hipster drown, when he was iceskating?
He was skating before it was cool
A black man enters a bar...
with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender, all surprised and shocked, said;
- That's cool! Where did you get that?
- In Africa, replied the parrot.
The people on the internet are so friendly....
One guy called me bro, and he even said my story was cool.
I saw a hipster walking outside in the cold.
He didn't have a jacket on, so I asked him why.
He said he was outside before it was cool.
You can explore cool chill reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean cool mainstream dad jokes. There are also cool puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
My girlfriend doesn't like it when I ask her to blow cool air on me
She is not a fan.
Why is the hipster sweating?
Because he wore a scarf before it was cool.
A man walks into a bar ... (NSFW)
A man walks into a bar with a monkey.
The bartender asks "hey man, whats with the monkey?"
The man replies "watch this!"
The man then slaps the monkey and then the monkey starts blowing him.
"Wow that's pretty cool" says the bartender.
"You wanna try?" asks the man.
The bartender says "yeah sure! ... Just don't slap me so hard."
Been chatting and flirting with this 14 year old chick
Now she tells me she's an undercover cop. How freakin' cool is that for someone her age.
Did you know that an airplane's propeller is only a big fan and is there to keep the pilot cool?
Don't believe me?
Turn it off, and see how much the pilot sweats!
Getting tired of these people who come to my door, telling me I'm gonna burn unless I'm saved...
The flashing lights on their trucks were pretty cool to see, though.
Broke up with my girlfriend today
It's cool though, she said we can still be cousins.
And so you came to be.
Two whales are talking. A dad and his boy. The kid asks: Where did I come from? did you make me? - Yes I did! The father said. Wow, that's so cool! Thank You dad! - You're whalecum son.
A black man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder.
"Cool, where'd you get that?" says the bartender. "Africa", replies the parrot. "They're all over the place."
So I'm at a bar, and two very large women with accents are sitting across from me.
I ask, "Cool accent, are you two ladies from Scotland??"
One yells back, "It's WALES you idiot!"
I reply, "Oh, of course. My bad! Are you two whales from Scotland?"
Why do hipsters hate ice skating?
They could never do it before it was cool
Just been chatting to my neighbour's teenage daughter and it turns out she's really into UFOs and aliens.
Which is cool because tomorrow she's getting abducted.
A black guy walks into a bar with a parrot...
The bartender says, "Wow! That is really cool! Where did you get it?"
"Africa", says the parrot.
How do you make a neato burrito?
With cool beans.
I was chatting with this cute 14 y/o online
She said she was an undercover police officer. How cool for someone her age!
I was flirting with this teenager on the internet...
...after a while, she tells me she's an undercover cop.
How cool is that for someone her age?
I hate One Direction fans...
Oscillating ones cool down a room much better.
A man walked into a bar and sat down, ordered a beer and drank it
Suddenly he heard a voice...
"Nice tie." *Nobody was there except him and the bartender.*
"Really cool shirt, too." *He thought he must be losing his mind.*
"I like your hair that way."
He said to the bartender, "I keep hearing this voice."
"Those are the peanuts, sir. They're complimentary."
*In the ER* "We're losing him, anyone have any ideas?"
"How about 50 cc's of a cool refreshing beverage?"
"Dammit Dr. Pepper not now!"
What's cooler than being cool?
Being 0K.
FRESH HARAMBE OF BELL AIR....
In west Cincinnati I was born and raised on the zoo grounds is where I spent most of my days,Chillin out hangin out acting all cool, eating bananas out by the pool When a mom and her kid, they were up to no good, crawled over the fence into my neighborhood,I got in one little fight and my zoo keeper got scared, heard a gunshot just before I stopped breathing air.......
Wife calls her scientist husband...
"Honey.. Its Saturday.. you're late..."
"I'm busy with my team in an experiment"
"Whats that?"
"We've just added a derivative of C2H5OH with ambiant temperature H2O and aqueous CO2. To cool this mixture added some super low temperature, solidified H2O, now while waiting for some protein, we are fumigating the lab with vapours of nicotine...
It's 4 or 5 round experiment.. So I will be late."
"Oh dear.. I won't disturb you. Take your time.."
2 men are sitting on a bench in a park, filled with children. Kids are having fun.
Man 1: "Kids are amazing. Look at them, playing, socializing... so cute!"
Man 2: "Yup."
Man 1: "My Timmy, right over there, likes to play soccer with his friends."
Man 2: "Cool."
Man 1: "Hey, which one is yours?"
Man 2: "Haven't decided yet..."
A propeller is actually just a big fan to keep the pilot cool...
when it stops you can watch the pilot start sweating
Why did the hipster fall into the lake?
He went ice skating before it was cool.
Incest isn't cool...
I can count at least 17 reasons why on my hands
How to be cool
A) Use happy sunglasses emoji
B)
Two young boys go to a store
They have $6 between them and want a cool toy. After shopping around they come up to the register with a box of tampons. The clerk asks "Why?" One little boy replies "It says on the box you can go swimming, horse-back riding, play tennis, and other activities!! We just need to figure out how they work."
Getting married is great. But, before you do it, there are some things you have to consider.
On one hand, you get to wear a pretty cool ring.
On the other hand, you don't.
How many hipsters does it take to fix a heater?
None. They did it before it was cool.
Why did the hipster burn his mouth while drinking coffee?
Because he drank it before it was cool
I used to think my autocannibalism made me cool.
Now I realize I was just full of myself.
People always make fun of my dad because his name is Chip and he is a Dorito farmer
You might think that is cheesy but actually we got to grow up on a really cool ranch
Name a vegetable that's kind of cool.
Radish
I think it's pretty cool how the Chinese
made a language entirely out of tattoos.
My ex-girlfriend owned a parakeet…oh my god, that f**king thing would never shut up.
But the bird was cool.
Green chameleon for sale...
No, a red one.
No, blue.
No wait, a pink one.
Cool.
Never mind, I'm keeping it!
What did the Dorito Farmer say to the other Dorito Farmer?
Cool Ranch
My bank has a new feature where they'll text you your bank balance. I think it's pretty cool.
I just don't think they should end the text with "LOL", though.
I missed class due to hypothermia...
I was too cool for school
Cooling yourself to -273C is completely fine...
If you do, you'll be 0K!
How did the Hawaiian hipster die?
He walked on lava before it was cool.
My friend was bragging in a bar about having an orgy at school when he was younger.
It would have been pretty cool, but we knew he was homeschooled.
It's 2018, we need to stop calling things gay just because they are lame.
So what if there are no women at this bar? Most of the guys are really nice and some of them even bought me drinks, and that's pretty cool if you ask me.
How to be cool:
A) Make the sunglasses face
B)
A homeless guy sees a lady about to kill herself.
He walks up to her standing on the edge of a tall bridge and says, hey I know what you're about to do, and I won't pretend to understand or stop you, but before you do, can we please have sex? It's been a really long time.
She replies, no you sicko!
So he says it's cool. I'll just go wait at the bottom.
What did one Dorito farmer say to the other Dorito farmer?
Cool ranch.
(Written by my 9 yo daughter).
My hot flight attendant asked how I like my coffee
Trying to sound cool, I told her I like my coffee like I like my women. And that's when she told me "That's cute honey, but the coffee's free. You don't have to pay for it here!"
How did the hipster burn his lips?
He drank his coffee before it was cool.
How did the hipster drown?
He ice-skated before it was cool.
I once dated a girl, who owned a parrot. The thing would never shut up.
The parrot was cool though.
A man walked into a bar and sat down, ordered a beer and drank it until suddenly he heard a voice.
Voice: *Nice tie.*
The man looked around. Nobody was there except him and the bartender.
Voice: *Really cool shirt, too.*
The man was concerned. He thought he must be losing his mind.
Voice: *I like your hair like that!*
Finally concerned, the man said to the bartender, "I keep hearing this voice."
The bartender replied, Those are the peanuts, sir. They're complimentary.
I was sitting in a bar one day and two women came in, talking in an interesting accent.
So I said, "Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?"
One of them snarled at me, "It's Wales, dumbo!"
So I corrected myself, "Oh, right, so are you two whales from Ireland?"
That's about as far as I remember.
Professor X asks a girl, "what is your mutant power?"
Girl replies: "I can guess how many pulls to turn a ceiling fan off on the first try!"
She points up and says: "3 pulls"
Professor X stands up and pulls 3 times. After the third pull the fan turns off.
Professor X: "Yeah thats cool and all, but not really a super power..."
Girl: "Yeah I was jut kidding, I can heal paraplegics"
Professor X, still standing: "Oh my god"
Made this one up at work today.
There once was an ancient Greek philosopher that dedicated his life to hypothesize the perfect way to cool off on a hot summer day.
His name was Popsicles.
A rabbi and a priest are out for a walk through the park.
It's a hot summer day and as they pass by a pond, the rabbi suggest taking a bath to cool down a little.
The priest is hesitant at first, but since they're at a remote spot with noone around, he agrees.
Just as they have finished taking off their robes a group of ladies is jogging by. The priest hastily covers his crotch, while the rabbi hides his face behind his hands.
When the ladies have passed, the priest asks:
"Why didn't you cover your private parts?"
To which the rabbi replies:
"Well, MY congregation recognizes me by my face. "
Professor X asks a girl, "what is your mutant power?"
Girl replies: "I can guess how many pulls to turn a ceiling fan off on the first try!"
She points up and says: "3 pulls"
Professor X stands up and pulls 3 times. After the third pull the fan turns off.
Professor X: "Yeah that's cool and all, but not really a super power..."
Girl: "Yeah I was jut kidding, I can heal paraplegics"
Professor X, still standing: "OH. MY. GODDD !!!!"
How did the hipster burn his tongue?
He ate potatoes before they were cool.
Why was he eating potatoes?
Because they're so underground.
I was cryogenically frozen for a while, then somebody woke me up early.
I really lost my cool.
Failed DIY project
I thought it would be cool to tar up my driveway, but it ended up looking hideous. Can't even blame anyone, it's my own stupid asphalt.
Mama, how did I get my name?
(USA-centric)
"Mama, how did I get my name?"
"Why do you need to know, Loquinda?"
"It's for my homework."
"Well, I was staying at a LaQuinta Inn the night you were conceived. So I just rearranged the letters a bit to make a pretty name."
"Oh. That's cool. How did my brother get his name?"
"Which one, Arvey or Suppurate?"
So a guy and a girl are on a blind date.
The girl says to the guy, So, Gerry, what do you do for a living?
Gerry immediately bends down to pick something up from under the table. He pulls out a stuffed gopher, and shows it to the girl. Oh, yeah, he says, I'm a taxidermist.
The girl replies with Oh, that's cool.
Then the gopher says, And a ventriloquist.
Authorities close investigation on the group of hipsters found dead in a pond last week.
Turns out they were ice skating before it was cool.
How do old people become cool again?
Hip replacements!
How do women in the workplace stay cool?
A glass ceiling fan.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the cool sah jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working cool frieza piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.