On the one hand, you get to wear a pretty cool ring.
On the other hand, you don't.
We went and had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a web developer.
It was pretty cool, she even recommended some girls I might like to sleep with next
made a language entirely out of tattoos.
Because he wore a scarf before it was cool.
It's cool though, she said we can still be cousins.
Which is cool because tomorrow she's getting abducted.
He went ice skating before it was cool.
A) Use happy sunglasses emoji
B)
Radish
On one hand, you get to wear a pretty cool ring.
On the other hand, you don't.
So what if there are no women at this bar? Most of the guys are really nice and some of them even bought me drinks, and that's pretty cool if you ask me.
They have $6 between them and want a cool toy. After shopping around they come up to the register with a box of tampons. The clerk asks "Why?" One little boy replies "It says on the box you can go swimming, horse-back riding, play tennis, and other activities!! We just need to figure out how they work."
Don't believe me?
Turn it off, and see how much the pilot sweats!
when it stops you can watch the pilot start sweating
Being 0K.
Because he drank it before it was cool
He walked on lava before it was cool.
"How about 50 cc's of a cool refreshing beverage?"
"Dammit Dr. Pepper not now!"
He didn't have a jacket on, so I asked him why.
He said he was outside before it was cool.
The bartender says, "Wow! That is really cool! Where did you get it?"
"Africa", says the parrot.
She is not a fan.
Oscillating ones cool down a room much better.
No, a red one.
No, blue.
No wait, a pink one.
Cool.
Never mind, I'm keeping it!
In west Cincinnati I was born and raised on the zoo grounds is where I spent most of my days,Chillin out hangin out acting all cool, eating bananas out by the pool When a mom and her kid, they were up to no good, crawled over the fence into my neighborhood,I got in one little fight and my zoo keeper got scared, heard a gunshot just before I stopped breathing air.......
Now she tells me she's an undercover cop. How freakin' cool is that for someone her age.
But the bird was cool.
He was skating before it was cool
...after a while, she tells me she's an undercover cop.
How cool is that for someone her age?
He walks up to her standing on the edge of a tall bridge and says, hey I know what you're about to do, and I won't pretend to understand or stop you, but before you do, can we please have sex? It's been a really long time.
She replies, no you sicko!
So he says it's cool. I'll just go wait at the bottom.
"Cool, where'd you get that?" says the bartender. "Africa", replies the parrot. "They're all over the place."
None. They did it before it was cool.
You might think that is cheesy but actually we got to grow up on a really cool ranch
I just don't think they should end the text with "LOL", though.
Cool Ranch
"Honey.. Its Saturday.. you're late..."
"I'm busy with my team in an experiment"
"Whats that?"
"We've just added a derivative of C2H5OH with ambiant temperature H2O and aqueous CO2. To cool this mixture added some super low temperature, solidified H2O, now while waiting for some protein, we are fumigating the lab with vapours of nicotine...
It's 4 or 5 round experiment.. So I will be late."
"Oh dear.. I won't disturb you. Take your time.."
Two whales are talking. A dad and his boy. The kid asks: Where did I come from? did you make me? - Yes I did! The father said. Wow, that's so cool! Thank You dad! - You're whalecum son.
I can count at least 17 reasons why on my hands
With cool beans.
A man walks into a bar with a monkey.
The bartender asks "hey man, whats with the monkey?"
The man replies "watch this!"
The man then slaps the monkey and then the monkey starts blowing him.
"Wow that's pretty cool" says the bartender.
"You wanna try?" asks the man.
The bartender says "yeah sure! ... Just don't slap me so hard."
A) Make the sunglasses face
B)
The son spots an old, used cop car at one of the lots. "Dad! I want that! It would be so cool! Can I test drive the cop car?" The father replies: "No, son. I want your car to have working turn signals and an accurate speedometer."
The bartender looks at him and says, "Wow, that's pretty cool! Where'd you get it?"
The parrot replies, "In Africa, they're everywhere!"
If you do, you'll be 0K!
So I keep it in a jazz club in Harlem.
Man 1: "Kids are amazing. Look at them, playing, socializing... so cute!"
Man 2: "Yup."
Man 1: "My Timmy, right over there, likes to play soccer with his friends."
Man 2: "Cool."
Man 1: "Hey, which one is yours?"
Man 2: "Haven't decided yet..."
Suddenly he heard a voice...
"Nice tie." *Nobody was there except him and the bartender.*
"Really cool shirt, too." *He thought he must be losing his mind.*
"I like your hair that way."
He said to the bartender, "I keep hearing this voice."
"Those are the peanuts, sir. They're complimentary."
The flashing lights on their trucks were pretty cool to see, though.
She said she was an undercover police officer. How cool for someone her age!
Now I realize I was just full of myself.
They could never do it before it was cool
She had this cool tattoo of a seashell on her inner thigh. Damnedest thing, though! When I put my ear to it, I could smell the ocean.
One guy called me bro, and he even said my story was cool.
with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender, all surprised and shocked, said;
- That's cool! Where did you get that?
- In Africa, replied the parrot.
It would have been pretty cool, but we knew he was homeschooled.
I was too cool for school
I ask, "Cool accent, are you two ladies from Scotland??"
One yells back, "It's WALES you idiot!"
I reply, "Oh, of course. My bad! Are you two whales from Scotland?"
(Disclaimer) this is a repost from something I saw a long time ago, so if someone could get a source that'd be very cool
A bee is riding on the back of a fly. The fly turns around, and asks, hey, are you a bee?
In which the bee replies, I might bee.
The fly then says, dude, that's the worst pun I have ever heard.
The bee responds, I know man, I made it up on the fly.
Went for a few drinks, pretty cool guy actually. Wants to be a web developer.
I look over to them and say: "hey ladies, nice accents. Are you from Scotland?"
One of the ladies yells: "it's Wales, you idiot!!"
So I said: "Ok, that's cool. Are you two whales from Scotland?"
I don't remember much else.
Little does he know I sleep in an actual car.
and to show him that she's a cool wife, she took him to a strip club.
At the club:
Bouncer: Hi Chad! How you doing tonight?
Wife: How does he know you?
Chad: We play golf together!
Bartender: Evening Chad! The usual?
Wife: And how does he know you?!
Chad: Um, he's on the bowling team!
Hot blonde stripper: Hey sexy, champagne room again tonight?
At this point the wife loses it and storms out of the club, dragging Chad with her, into a taxi.
Taxi driver: Hey Chad! Boy... You picked a fat one tonight huh? Same motel?
I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent.
So I said, Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?
One of them snarled at me, It's Wales, dumbo!
So I corrected myself, Oh, right, so are you two whales from Ireland?
That's about as far as I remember.
The hip doctor.
"but Officer," said the driver, "I can explain-"
Save your excuses," said the cop. "You can cool your heels in jail till the chief gets back."
"But Officer..."
"Quiet!" snapped the cop. "You're going to jail the chief will deal with you when he gets back."
A few hours later the officer looks in at the prisoner. "Lucky for you that the chief's at his daughter's wedding. It means he'll be in a good mood when he gets back."
"Don't count on it," said the prisoner. "I'm the groom."
[translated from Turkish]
-Hey Jack! How have you been! It's been months!
-Bonjour Monsieur ! Indeed, it's been a while
-"Bonjour Monsieur"? What's this French?
-Mais biensur !
-Don't screw with me Jack. I know you don't know French. We both went to the same school and we never had any French lessons!!
-No, no! I'm learning via the radio. 99.3 FM. Every day at 10AM you have French lessons. Very easy, I suggest you try.
-Oh, ok, cool I'll give a try tomorrow.
Next morning he calls Jack:
-Yo Jack, I have those old radios with a needle for tuning. Does it work with those old radios too?
-Sure! Scroll to 99, then go a little further to the right.
-Oh cool! Thx!
-Mais de rien !
-oh! stfu already...
Couple of weeks later, he meets Jack again. And Jack asks:
-Salut mon ami, How is your French?
- Shhhszzzzoussssshzzziuhli! (static noise)
[probably not the best written joke :/]
A Mexican, an Arab, and a redneck girl are in the same bar.
When the Mexican finishes his beer, he throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, 'In Mexico , our glasses are so cheap we don't need to drink with the same one twice.'
The Arab, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws it into the air, pulls out his AK-47, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, 'In the Arab World, we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink with the same one twice either.'
The redneck girl, cool as a cucumber, picks up her beer, downs it in one gulp, throws the glass into the air, whips out her 45, and shoots the Mexican and the Arab. Catching her glass, setting it on the bar, and calling for a refill, she says:
'In America we have so many illegal aliens that we don't have to drink with the same ones twice.'
He said "Wow.. Cool! You 3D printed the save icon!"
... they are into people before it's cool.
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