Cooks Jokes

Following is our collection of cookware puns and breakfast one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Cooks jokes for adults, dirty venison jokes and clean dane cook dad gags for kids.

The Best Cooks Puns

COWBOY TOMBSTONE JOKE

Headstone of Russell J. Larsen in the Logan City Cemetery, Logan, Utah! I wonder if he died knowing he won the 'Coolest Headstone' contest? His five rules for a happy life are below.

FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW FOR A HAPPY LIFE:

1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, cooks from time to time, cleans up, and has a job.

2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.

3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust, and doesn't lie to you.

4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed, and likes to be with you.

5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other or you could end up dead like me

FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO LIVE HAPPY LIFE!

1. It's important to have a woman, who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.

2. It's important to have a woman, who can make you laugh.

3. It's important to have a woman, whom you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.

4. It's important to have a woman, who is good in bed and who likes to be in it with you.

5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other

Five secrets of a perfect Relationship

1. It`s important to have a woman who helps at home, cooks, cleans and has a job.
2. It`s important to have a woman who can make you laugh.
3. It`s important to have a woman you can trust and who would never lie.
4. It`s important to have a woman who is good in bed and likes being with you.
5. It`s absolutely important that these four women never meet.

Why are Subway cooks called "Sandwich Artists"?

Even art majors deserve recognition

Who cooks in a lesbian relationship?

None they both eat out.


Yo momma cooks so bad...

The flys all chipped in and fixed the screen door.
>we're here all night, don't forget to tip your waiter!!

Men are better cooks

With just a piece of sausage and an egg, they can fill a woman's tummy for 9 months.

Secrets to a happy marriage

1. It is important to find a woman that cooks and cleans.







2. It is important to find a woman that makes good money.







3. It is important to find a woman that likes to have sex.







and MOST important...







4. It is important that these three women never meet.

A guy is sitting home alone, when suddenly he hears a knock on the door.

He gets up to answer. There are two policemen outside. They ask him if he's married. He says yes and the policemen want to see the photo of the wife. He gets one and shows it to them.
The policemen exchange sad looks and one of them says:
"I'm very sorry, but it looks like your wife was hit by a truck."
"Yeah I guess, but she's got a great sense of humor and cooks a hell of a brisket."

While playing in the backyard, Johnny kills a honeybee

While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee. His father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says, "No honey for you for one month!" Later that afternoon, Johnny's dad catches him tearing the wings off a butterfly. "That's it! No butter for you for one month!" says his dad. Later that evening as Johnny's mother cooks dinner, a cockroach run across the kitchen floor. She jumps and stomps on it, and then looks up to find Little Johnny and her husband watching her. Little Johnny looks at his father and says, "Are you going to tell her, Dad, or do you want me to?

Heaven is a place where the police are English, the cooks are French, the mechanics are German, the lovers are Italian, and everything is organized by the Swiss...

Hell, on the other hand, is where the police are German, the cooks are English, the mechanics are French, the lovers are Swiss, and everything is organized by the Americans.


They say that Indian Cooks are a jack of all trades...

But a master of naan.

My girlfriend said this to me when we were getting indian food tonight.

5 Important Qualities to have in your women:

1. It's important to have a woman, who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, and has a job.
2. It's important to have a woman, who can make you laugh.
3. It's important to have a woman, who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.
4. It's important to have a woman, who likes to be with you.
5. It's very important that these four women do not know each other.

Why don't lesbians make good cooks?

They're always eating out.

A man cuts a hunk of meat from his torso and cooks it in a pan.

As he bleeds out, he realises: "I've made a big me-steak"

4 rules for a happy marriage

1. It is important to find a woman who cooks and cleans.

2. It is important to find a woman who makes good money.

3. It is important to find a woman who loves to have sex.

4. It is very important that these three women never meet!!

What kind of car cooks?

A chefrolet

Why men are the best cooks

Because with 2 eggs, a sausage, and a little bit of milk they can fill a girl's tummy for 9 months

Why are men great cooks....

because with 1 sausage, a pair of nuts and some milk it can fill up a woman for nine months.


A chef lost one of his legs in a kitchen accident...

... now all he cooks is Lean Cuisine.

A new class of octopus has been discovered that cooks it's food.

It's the only Chefalopod found so far.

Ukrainian mother persuades her son to marry

M: Look at Marina. She is beautiful, intelligent, loves movies and theater.
S: I do not want her.
M: Look at Olena. She cooks well, her house is always orderly.
S: I do not want her.
M: So who do you want?
S: Mom, I love my neighbor Sergei.
(pause)
M: But he's Russian, after all.

how many cooks does it take to change a lightbulb?

one, and nine to stand around and say how they did it at their old job....

Why are men better cooks than women?

Because with a sausage, a couple of eggs, and some cream, a man can keep a woman full for 9 months.

A long married couple sits in the kitchen.

The wife cooks something, while the husband sits at his table eagerly waiting for his meal. Suddenly the wife soils herself with tomato sauce and turns around to her loved one.

"Well, damn...Look at this, I look like a pig!"

To which the husband responds: "AND you soiled yourself..."



Sounds better in Viennese tongue...but, yeah...

People be like I am fat because my mother cooks good food...

...I am like I am single because I have strong hands.

Five Important qualities

1. Its important to have a woman, who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.
2. Its important to have a woman, who can make you laugh.
3. Its important to have a woman, who you can trust and who doesnt lie to you.
4. Its important to have a woman, who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.
5. Its very, very important that these four women do not know each other.

Why are men better cooks?

They only need 2 eggs n 1 sausage to keep a girl full for 9 months

Men are the best cooks...

With 2 eggs, one sausage, and a little bit of milk, we can fill a womans belly for 9 months!

Why do lesbians make bad cooks?

They always eat out

A married couple goes to the doctor

After a long examination and various tests done on the wife, the doctor comes to the husband and says:

"I'm sorry to say this, but... doesn't look very good"

A husband, somewhat shocked, replies:

"I know doctor...

but she cooks well and she's great with children."

Why are lesbians such horrible cooks?

They always eat out

What's for dinner when a cannibal cooks up an autistic person?

Ass-burgers

A Bosnian Joke

Mujo is the husband.
Fata is the wife.

Fata has to go to the doctor.

After an hour the doctor comes out of the room and starts a conversation with Mujo.

Doctor: Mujo, I have some bad news... Fata doesn't look so good...

Mujo: I know Doctor... but She cooks, cleans and takes care of the kids!

Hope you guys enjoyed this joke, I did.

Men that are great cooks tend to be good with the gals

Food for thot

How many cooks does it take to change a light bulb?

Fuck-it. 86 light bulbs!

Adam: God, I appreciate everything you've done for me, but this earth is kind of lonely.

God: Well Adam. I can create for you a beautiful woman who cooks and cleans and fulfills all your desires.




Adam: ooooh sounds expensive. What's it gonna cost me.




God: An arm, leg and your right nut.




Adam: What can I get for a rib?




Fin.

I don't need to check my smoke detectors every month

because my wife cooks more often than that

Have you heard about that socially awkward chef that only cooks with snake meat?

I'm pretty sure he has Asp burgers.

A man brought his sick wife to see a doctor.

The doctor examined the woman and he was quite concerned about her medical condition. He took the husband aside and said to him, "I don't like the looks of your wife at all."

"Me too", the husband remarked, "but she cooks well and takes care of the children."

I'm fed up with

being the only one who cleans the house, cooks every meal, does the dishes, the laundry and pays the bills.

I mean I live by myself, but still.

Why can't sous chefs get girls?

They're all beta cooks.

What do poor people and pizza cooks have in common?

They both need the dough.

-Does your wife cooks you eggs?

-Only beaten.

Men Are The Best Cooks

With two eggs, a sausage, and some milk, he can fill up a woman's belly for nine months.

My one true love cooks for me, cleans for me, has never talked back, does what I tell her to do, I can have my way with her any time I want, and she ALWAYS satisfies me.

But enough about my hand.

Confuscius say ...

Man who cooks, leaks, and creams in same pot need a wife.

Why are Chinese Bears the best cooks?

The Pan Duh.

The Pollen count in the air is so high this year

all the meth cooks are turning their crystal back into Sudafed

I just watched a movie where a serial killer murders people then cooks their dead bodies...

It was a heartwarming story from start to finish

What's the best part of two lesbians marrying?

Two cooks in the house.

Why do cooks bond so well?

Heard mentality.

What do you call an Asian man that cooks things at just below boiling point and looks a lot like you?

Simmerer

How many line cooks does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Screw it, 86 light bulbs

Have you ever seen how a blind man cooks breakfast?

Neither has he.

He cooks Indian food.

He's a Sioux chef.

How many flat earthers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Three experts in logistics, one metereologist, two cooks plus six foragers, two engineers, two pilots, two drivers, one cartographer, a steward, a communications expert, someone in charge of the journal, eight porters, five mountain climbers, five divers, two armed bodyguards, and a captain for the expedition that will find the secret instructions written 6000 years ago on stone tablets by the Mayas.

What's the term for an Asian person who gets up and cooks mid sleep?

Sleep-wokking

Have you heard about the naked chef?

He cooks everything. Soup to nuts.

My wife dresses to kill.

She cooks the same exact way.

Why did the cannibal only eat half the staff at the restaurant?

Too many cooks spoil the broth.

After Thanksgiving dinner, I told my wife she should be on a cooking show. Now I'm sleeping on the couch.

Worst Cooks in America has decent ratings. Why is she complaining?

My wife always cooks Indian food for dinner, even though I hate it.

It's been a recurrying issue

Florida man cooks and eats dog.

Public outraged over cultural appropriation.

Some people need to check their smoke alarms once a month.

Those people are probably better cooks than me.

There is an abundance of eat jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 65 funniest jokes and cooks puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any gnocchi witze you can hear about cooks.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes