Cooks Jokes
92 cooks jokes and hilarious cooks puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about cooks that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Cooks Short Jokes
Short cooks jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The cooks humour may include short cooker jokes also.
- Son, I killed 12 people in Afghanistan Son: Dad you were a cook.
Dad:Never said I was a good one - What is Pac-Man's favorite cooking utensil? A wok a wok a wok a wok a wok a wok a wok a wok a wok a wok
- What is a nice guys' favorite cooking utensil? M'Ladle
*tips fedora*
Just kidding, it's his mom. He doesn't cook. - I hate to admit it, but my wife's cooking has seriously improved. ......that was best slice of soup I've ever had!
- Why did Dwayne 'the rock' Johnson's family get tested for COVID-19 They couldn't smell what the rock was cooking.
- "Hurt me!" she cried, jumping onto the bed and stripping her clothes off seductively... "Alright," I said. "You're a terrible cook and I fancy your sister."
- Today I cooked something for my family and they all said it was terrible. Jokes on them, the smoke detector thought it was fire.
- Two kids talking. One asks 'do you also pray before each meal'?
The other responds : no, my mom knows how to cook. - Never literally taking cooking instructions… It said chill in the fridge for an hour
I nearly died - My wife asked if she could have some peace and quiet while she tried to cook dinner So I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm
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Cooks One Liners
Which cooks one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with cooks? I can suggest the ones about fry cook and bad cook.
- French fries weren't cooked in France. They were cooked in Greece.
- My girlfriend's such a bad cook, she uses the smoke alarm as a timer.
- Burnt my Hawaiian pizza today.. I should have cooked it at aloha temperature.
- I tell ya, my wife is a lousy cook. After dinner, I don't brush my teeth. I count 'em!
- In Japan, what do you say to your mom when she cooks for you? I love umami !!
- The first french fries were not cooked on France. They were cooked in Greece.
- Who cooks in a lesbian relationship? None they both eat out.
- I got banned from the secret cooking society… For spilling the beans.
- Why are Subway cooks called "Sandwich Artists"? Even art majors deserve recognition
- Why can't you compare millionaires Tim Cook and donald trump? Apples and oranges.
- Hey Joe, Do you pray before every meal? No Mark, my wife is a good cook.
- Why don't Japanese cannibals cook their food? Because they prefer ramen.
- My wife's cooking is incredible. With a silent 'cr'.
- If your girl can cook Chinese marry her because Schezwan of a kind.
- I started stealing cutlery from my cooking classes It was a whisk I was willing to take
Hilarious Cooks Jokes that Bring Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about cooks you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean line cook jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make cooks pranks.
5 Important Qualities to have in your women:
1. It's important to have a woman, who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, and has a job.
2. It's important to have a woman, who can make you laugh.
3. It's important to have a woman, who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.
4. It's important to have a woman, who likes to be with you.
5. It's very important that these four women do not know each other.
What's the best part of two l**... marrying?
Two cooks in the house.
Five secrets of a perfect Relationship
1. It`s important to have a woman who helps at home, cooks, cleans and has a job.
2. It`s important to have a woman who can make you laugh.
3. It`s important to have a woman you can trust and who would never lie.
4. It`s important to have a woman who is good in bed and likes being with you.
5. It`s absolutely important that these four women never meet.
Secrets to a happy marriage
1. It is important to find a woman that cooks and cleans.
2. It is important to find a woman that makes good money.
3. It is important to find a woman that likes to have s**....
and MOST important...
4. It is important that these three women never meet.
4 rules for a happy marriage
1. It is important to find a woman who cooks and cleans.
2. It is important to find a woman who makes good money.
3. It is important to find a woman who loves to have s**....
4. It is very important that these three women never meet!!
Yo momma cooks so bad...
The flys all chipped in and fixed the screen door.
>we're here all night, don't forget to tip your waiter!!
Why are men great cooks....
because with 1 sausage, a pair of nuts and some milk it can fill up a woman for nine months.
Adam: God, I appreciate everything you've done for me, but this earth is kind of lonely.
God: Well Adam. I can create for you a beautiful woman who cooks and cleans and fulfills all your desires.
Adam: ooooh sounds expensive. What's it gonna cost me.
God: An arm, leg and your right nut.
Adam: What can I get for a rib?
Fin.
My one true love cooks for me, cleans for me, has never talked back, does what I tell her to do, I can have my way with her any time I want, and she ALWAYS satisfies me.
But enough about my hand.
A man cuts a hunk of meat from his torso and cooks it in a pan.
As he bleeds out, he realises: "I've made a big me-steak"
Why didn't Mobb Deep want their kids working part-time in the culinary industry?
AIN'T NO SUCH THING AS HALFWAY COOKS
I just watched a movie where a serial killer murders people then cooks their dead bodies...
It was a heartwarming story from start to finish
Why are men better cooks than women?
Because with a sausage, a couple of eggs, and some cream, a man can keep a woman full for 9 months.
A Bosnian Joke
Mujo is the husband.
Fata is the wife.
Fata has to go to the doctor.
After an hour the doctor comes out of the room and starts a conversation with Mujo.
Doctor: Mujo, I have some bad news... Fata doesn't look so good...
Mujo: I know Doctor... but She cooks, cleans and takes care of the kids!
Hope you guys enjoyed this joke, I did.
Have you ever seen how a blind man cooks breakfast?
Neither has he.
While playing in the backyard, Johnny kills a honeybee
While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee. His father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says, "No honey for you for one month!" Later that afternoon, Johnny's dad catches him tearing the wings off a butterfly. "That's it! No butter for you for one month!" says his dad. Later that evening as Johnny's mother cooks dinner, a cockroach run across the kitchen floor. She jumps and stomps on it, and then looks up to find Little Johnny and her husband watching her. Little Johnny looks at his father and says, "Are you going to tell her, Dad, or do you want me to?
A long married couple sits in the kitchen.
The wife cooks something, while the husband sits at his table eagerly waiting for his meal. Suddenly the wife soils herself with tomato sauce and turns around to her loved one.
"Well, d**......Look at this, I look like a pig!"
To which the husband responds: "AND you soiled yourself..."
Sounds better in Viennese tongue...but, yeah...
Men are better cooks
With just a piece of sausage and an egg, they can fill a woman's tummy for 9 months.
They say that Indian Cooks are a jack of all trades...
But a master of naan.
My girlfriend said this to me when we were getting indian food tonight.
how many cooks does it take to change a lightbulb?
one, and nine to stand around and say how they did it at their old job....
A new class of octopus has been discovered that cooks it's food.
It's the only Chefalopod found so far.
Men are the best cooks...
With 2 eggs, one sausage, and a little bit of milk, we can fill a womans belly for 9 months!
After Thanksgiving dinner, I told my wife she should be on a cooking show. Now I'm sleeping on the couch.
Worst Cooks in America has decent ratings. Why is she complaining?
I don't need to check my smoke detectors every month
because my wife cooks more often than that
Why did the cannibal only eat half the staff at the restaurant?
Too many cooks spoil the broth.
Why are men better cooks?
They only need 2 eggs n 1 sausage to keep a girl full for 9 months
Why don't l**... make good cooks?
They're always eating out.
Men Are The Best Cooks
With two eggs, a sausage, and some milk, he can fill up a woman's belly for nine months.
How many line cooks does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Screw it, 86 light bulbs
The Pollen count in the air is so high this year
all the m**... cooks are turning their crystal back into Sudafed
I'm fed up with
being the only one who cleans the house, cooks every meal, does the dishes, the laundry and pays the bills.
I mean I live by myself, but still.
FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO LIVE HAPPY LIFE!
1. It's important to have a woman, who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.
2. It's important to have a woman, who can make you laugh.
3. It's important to have a woman, whom you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.
4. It's important to have a woman, who is good in bed and who likes to be in it with you.
5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other
My wife dresses to kill.
She cooks the same exact way.
-Does your wife cooks you eggs?
-Only beaten.
Why are l**... such horrible cooks?
They always eat out
A chef lost one of his legs in a kitchen accident...
... now all he cooks is Lean Cuisine.
What do you call an Asian man that cooks things at just below boiling point and looks a lot like you?
Simmerer
Have you heard about the n**... chef?
He cooks everything. Soup to nuts.
Why are Chinese Bears the best cooks?
The Pan Duh.
How many cooks does it take to change a light bulb?
f**...-it. 86 light bulbs!
What do poor people and pizza cooks have in common?
They both need the dough.
Men that are great cooks tend to be good with the gals
Food for thot
A man brought his sick wife to see a doctor.
The doctor examined the woman and he was quite concerned about her medical condition. He took the husband aside and said to him, "I don't like the looks of your wife at all."
"Me too", the husband remarked, "but she cooks well and takes care of the children."
What's for dinner when a cannibal cooks up an autistic person?
a**...-burgers
COWBOY TOMBSTONE JOKE
Headstone of Russell J. Larsen in the Logan City Cemetery, Logan, Utah! I wonder if he died knowing he won the 'Coolest Headstone' contest? His five rules for a happy life are below.
FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW FOR A HAPPY LIFE:
1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, cooks from time to time, cleans up, and has a job.
2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.
3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust, and doesn't lie to you.
4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed, and likes to be with you.
5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other or you could end up dead like me
Ukrainian mother persuades her son to marry
M: Look at Marina. She is beautiful, intelligent, loves movies and theater.
S: I do not want her.
M: Look at Olena. She cooks well, her house is always orderly.
S: I do not want her.
M: So who do you want?
S: Mom, I love my neighbor Sergei.
(pause)
M: But he's Russian, after all.
Why can't sous chefs get girls?
They're all beta cooks.
Confuscius say ...
Man who cooks, leaks, and creams in same p**... need a wife.
Why men are the best cooks
Because with 2 eggs, a sausage, and a little bit of milk they can fill a girl's tummy for 9 months
Have you heard about that socially awkward chef that only cooks with snake meat?
I'm pretty sure he has Asp burgers.
What's the term for an Asian person who gets up and cooks mid sleep?
Sleep-wokking
Why do l**... make bad cooks?
They always eat out
Why do cooks bond so well?
Heard mentality.
Five Important qualities
1. Its important to have a woman, who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.
2. Its important to have a woman, who can make you laugh.
3. Its important to have a woman, who you can trust and who doesnt lie to you.
4. Its important to have a woman, who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.
5. Its very, very important that these four women do not know each other.
How many flat earthers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Three experts in logistics, one metereologist, two cooks plus six foragers, two engineers, two pilots, two drivers, one cartographer, a steward, a communications expert, someone in charge of the journal, eight porters, five mountain climbers, five divers, two armed bodyguards, and a captain for the expedition that will find the secret instructions written 6000 years ago on stone tablets by the Mayas.
He cooks Indian food.
He's a Sioux chef.
A guy is sitting home alone, when suddenly he hears a knock on the door.
He gets up to answer. There are two policemen outside. They ask him if he's married. He says yes and the policemen want to see the photo of the wife. He gets one and shows it to them.
The policemen exchange sad looks and one of them says:
"I'm very sorry, but it looks like your wife was hit by a truck."
"Yeah I guess, but she's got a great sense of humor and cooks a h**... of a brisket."
What kind of car cooks?
A chefrolet
Heaven is a place where the police are English, the cooks are French, the mechanics are German, the lovers are Italian, and everything is organized by the Swiss...
h**..., on the other hand, is where the police are German, the cooks are English, the mechanics are French, the lovers are Swiss, and everything is organized by the Americans.
A married couple goes to the doctor
After a long examination and various tests done on the wife, the doctor comes to the husband and says:
"I'm sorry to say this, but... doesn't look very good"
A husband, somewhat shocked, replies:
"I know doctor...
but she cooks well and she's great with children."
People be like I am fat because my mother cooks good food...
...I am like I am single because I have strong hands.
Something to offend everyone...
In Heaven:
The French are the cooks, and the Germans are the engineers. The British are the policemen. The Italians are the lovers, and the Swiss run everything.
But in h**...:
The Germans are the policemen. The British are the cooks. The Swiss are the lovers, the French are the engineers. And the Italians run everything.
Dad cooks dinner.
He gives his kids deer meat, but doesn't tell them but gives them a clue.
Dad: What kind of meat is this, it's something mom calls me every day.
Sarah: o**... Billy, It's an a**... don't eat it.
When are cooks at their meanest?
When they mercilessly beat the eggs and whip the cream!
Heaven is...
Heaven is where the cooks are French, the police are British, the mechanics are German, the lovers are Italian and everything is organized by the Swiss.
h**... is where the cooks are British, the police are German, the mechanics are French, the lovers are Swiss, and everything is organized by the Italians.
An old man was sitting on a bench in the park and crying his heart out
A passing cop stopped and asked, what happened?
Old man: I have a beautiful young wife. Every evening she cooks the most delicious meals and serves it in candle light and then we have a romantic night.
Cop: So, why are you crying?
Old man: Because, I have forgotten where I live.
What do you call a zombie that cooks stir-frys ?
Dead Man Wok-ing ...
My girlfriend is one of the worst cooks in the world
Just last night the raccoons offered me money to chip in for a lock on my garbage bin!
I was walking my dog through the neighborhood when his leash broke, he ran off, and headed straight into a Chinese restaurant.
I ran inside and found him in the kitchen. To my horror, he was peeing on all the cookware! The cooks were yelling at him angrily, so I stepped in and said, "Please don't be mad at him. I'm the one who said he needed to go on a wok."
Its is very important to have a woman...
1. Who helps at home, who cooks from time to time and has a job.
2. Who can make you laugh.
3. Who you can trust and who does not lie to you.
4. Who likes to be with you.
5. The most important is that these four women do not know each other.
UnPC Definitions of Heaven and h**...
Heaven is where the cooks are French, the lovers are Italian, the businessmen/bankers are Jewish, the police are Irish and the mechanics are German.
h**... is where the cooks are Irish, the lovers are Jewish, the mechanics are French, the businessmen/bankers are Italian, and the police are German.
My husband is best
3 wives are conversing….first says my husband is best: he cooks food and takes care of kids.
Second says my husband is best: he does all the household chores and spoils me with presents every day.
Third one says shut up! I have the best husband-he goes to therapy 6days in a week and all he talks about is me.
Man walked by old man sitting on bench openly weeping, so the man said, what's wrong? The old man responds..
I'm married to a beautiful 25-year old woman who quit her modeling career to spend time with me. Every single night she makes love to me like no other woman ever has in my life, she follows it up with dinner afterwards cooks me up a delicious gourmet meal then we fall asleep holding eachother in bed.
So the man, dumbfounded responded, so what's the problem? 😐
The old man responds, I forgot where I live.
What do you call it when a Jamaican chef cooks Hawaiian food?
Poké, mon!
