Cookies Jokes
154 cookies jokes and hilarious cookies puns to laugh out loud. Read food jokes about cookies that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
These jokes are sure to make you smile! Whether you're a fan of Oreo, Twix, Chocolate Chip or Oatmeal cookies, enjoy a good time with these hilarious comedic takes on favorite sweet treats. From Girl Scout Cookies to Fortune Cookies to Cookies and Cream, have some fun this holiday season with these classic cookie jokes!
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Funniest Cookies Short Jokes
Short cookies jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The cookies humour may include short cakes jokes also.
- What do you call an i**... Italian immigrant? an imPASTA!
- I hope they serve cookies at the Royal Wedding this weekend Just to show how a touch of brown sugar makes a ginger snap.
- My son told me his fortune cookie didn't have a fortune… Naturally I replied: That's unfortunate.
- What does my Grandma and a Modern website have in common? Making me Accept the Cookies on every visit.
- How do you make a gingerbread man's bed? With a cookie sheet.
Direct from the lips of my 4yo daughter. I almost died laughing. I was expecting something ridiculous. - After having Chinese food, my cookie was missing the piece of paper on the inside! It was unfortunate.
- Your momma is so fat.... Your momma is so fat that when she accepts website cookies they run out.
- I just opened up a fortune cookie and there wasn't a fortune inside. I thought to myself, that's unfortunate. -True story
- (My 8yo Daughter) How many cookies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? They don't, I eat them all.
- New machine at the gym There is a new machine at the gym. It's truly awesome! I almost puked after an hour, it really has it all.
Cookies, chocolate bars, chips, sodas.
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Cookies One Liners
Which cookies one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with cookies? I can suggest the ones about browser and cookie monster.
- Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because he felt crumby. - my 4 y.o. daughter
- Why was Santa hacked? Because he accepts all the cookies.
- I tried to start an online bakery. But I accidentally deleted all my cookies.
- Why did the oreo cookie go to the dentist? Because he lost his filling.
- Why can't cookies dough hold a steady job? Because it's always getting baked.
- Why did Steve Jobs eat all the cookies? Mac users have no CTRL
- Yo mama so fat She ate her laptop because the website said it had cookies in it.
- I ate too much cookie dough and got sick It was an overdoughse.
- If I have 10 cookies and you take 5, what do you have? A broken hand.
- I'd love to give the man who invented Incognito mode a cookie. Sadly it was erased.
- What does the gingerbread man sleep on? Cookie sheets.
- Word on the Street is, Cookie Monster has COVID… It's the Om nom nom nomicron variant.
- From my 13 yr old son. What do you call a pizza in the shape of a cookie? A pizza
- What's Cookie Monsters favourite band? Oreo Speedwagon.
- What is cookie monsters favorite war? Vietnom nom nom nom
Chocolate Chip Cookies Jokes
Here is a list of funny chocolate chip cookies jokes and even better chocolate chip cookies puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How many Blondes does it take to bake chocolate chip cookies? 10....one to bake the cookies, and 9 to peel the M&Ms
- How do you tell if a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies? There are M&M shells all over the kitchen!
- Insecure people are like chocolate chip cookies After they get baked, they'll crumble easily.
- I love the smell of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies They smell just like burned toast
- There's a new machine at the gym, it does absolutely everything Soft drinks, potato chips, chocolate cookies and candy
- How do you know that a blonde is baking chocolate chip cookies? All the m&m shells on the floor.
- We had a sick gathering last night. The Roof was on fire! I'm sad to say that grandma's brain tumor isnt getting better and who knew chocolate chip cookies could flare up like that...
- A lot of great things in this world were accidents. Chocolate chip cookies, popsicles, potato chips... Wife: You still can't call our children mistakes.
- Chocolate chip... How many men does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?... 3!
One to make the batter, two to squeeze the rabbit.
Happy Easter everyone - How many idiots does it take to make chocolate chip cookies? Twelve - one to make the dough and eleven to peel the smarties.
Girl Scout Cookies Jokes
Here is a list of funny girl scout cookies jokes and even better girl scout cookies puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why aren't there any fat girls on the boxes of girl scout cookies? Because good drug dealers don't use their own product.
- This Girl Scout Cookie diet is really paying off... ...now I've got that "samoan" figure
- What are a Cannibal's favourite cookies? Girl Scouts!
- What's Aquaman's favorite Girl Scout cookie? Jason samoas
- What's green, lies in a ditch, and is covered in cookie crumbs? A girl scout that got hit by a car.
- The problem with girl scout cookies: The problem with girl scout cookies: no matter how many I eat, I always want Samoa.
- What are the first words Jared Fogle's girlfriend said to him? "Would you like to buy some girl scout cookies, sir?"
- Chuck Norris jokes, let's go! Chuck Norris eats girl scout cookies made out of real girl scouts.
- Why are Samoan's offended by the Samoa Girl Scout Cookie? I mean it's not like white people care about crackers being called crackers.
- I wanted to tell the Girl Scout, "Your cookies contribute to US obesity." But what came out was, "Two Samoas, please."
Cookies And Milk Jokes
Here is a list of funny cookies and milk jokes and even better cookies and milk puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- When I Was A Child Santa Gave Me coal One Year For Christmas, So I Poisoned His Cookies And Milk Somehow he found out and killed my dad!
- reverse santa imagine a reverse santa that steals things from your house and leaves cookies and milk for you.
- Why do children cry when they find out Santa isn't real? They figured out who has been drinking their milk and eating the cookies!
- Why do israelian kids leave out cookies and milk on Christmas? Because they believe Santa Israel.
Christmas Cookies Jokes
Here is a list of funny christmas cookies jokes and even better christmas cookies puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Amazon is a lot like Santa Clause It brings gifts to our homes, gets busy around christmas and is very eager for our cookies.
- What did the guy who burglarized the German bakers store at Christmas find out. All of his cookies were Stollen.
- Why is it so easy to track Santa on Christmas Eve? Because he always accepts cookies.
- I got some people shaped cookies for Christmas. I didn't want to assume their ginger...
- What do ducks do at Christmas time? They Duckerate cookies.
...lol...
Cookies And Cream Jokes
Here is a list of funny cookies and cream jokes and even better cookies and cream puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- what is homer Simpson's favorite ice cream? Chocolate chip cookie D'OOHHHH
- What is Homer Simpson's favourite ice cream? Cookie DOH!
Laughter Cookies Jokes for Everyone for Fun and Frivolity
What funny jokes about cookies you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean toast jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make cookies pranks.
Grandma is like a website
You can't say no to cookies
What do you call a pig making cookies?
Bakin'!
A grandfather and his grandson in the supermarket
A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved three-year-old grandson. It's obvious to her that he has his hands full with the child screaming for candy in the candy aisle, cookies in the cookie aisle and for cereal and soda in the other aisles.
Meanwhile, Granddad is working his way around, saying in a controlled voice: "Easy, William, we won't be long, easy, boy."
Another outburst, and she hears the granddad calmly say: "It's OK, William, just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, boy."
At the checkout, the little t**... is throwing items out of the cart, and Granddad says again in a controlled voice: "William, William, relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five minutes; stay cool, William."
Very impressed, the woman goes outside where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car. She says to the elderly gentleman: "It's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. That whole time, you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be OK. William is very lucky to have you as his grandpa."
"Thanks," said the grandfather, "but I'm William. The little s**...'s name is Kevin."
A CEO, a union worker and a tea party member sit down at a table ...
The union worker sets out a dozen cookies he baked.
The CEO grabs them all and tells the tea partier that the union member stole his cookie.
Every time I click "Remember Me" on a login page, I get a little sad thinking about my fleeting existence...
...But some cookies would brighten my day!
Disclaimer: Made this joke up just now.
Got any funny fortune cookie idea's?
I own a restaurant and I have extremely funny fortune cookies, but I'm running out of fortune ideas! Help me! I need some raunchy, dirty and insulting fortunes! Show me what you got and you could see them in a fortune cookie one day!
My doctor says I'm not eating a balanced diet...that's absurd.
I eat as many cookies with my left hand as I do with my right!
What's the first step in making Bronco cookies?
Beat em in a bowl for three hours.
The final cookie
A man near death smelled his wife baking his favorite cookies down stairs. He decided if he was going to go he would have one last cookie before he went. He dragged his mostly useless body down the stairs and crawled to the counter where he knew the cookies were on the cooling rack. As he reached for a final treat his wife smacked him on the hand with a wooden spoon and said, "Those are for your f**... guests".
A man brought some cookies to a party...
His friend approached him later during the party. He asked for the recipe to show his wife.
"You see, the secret trick is that I put the dough in my belly button to measure out the perfect size of each cookie," he tells his friend.
"That's absolutely disgusting," says the friend.
He answers, "Oh, you're not going to like the way I make donuts then."
A man on his death bed
A man on his death bed smells cookies, gets up and walks into his kitchen. He asks his wife if he can have a cookie. The wife tells him to get out of here, those are for the wake
I recently told my girlfriend about removing the cookies and site data because it slows down the browser speed...
Now she understands why I delete the browsing history everyday.
I ate some Girl Scout Cookies that were way past their expiration date...
...and ended up with a n**... bout of samoanella.
A man is staring into his whiskey
The barkeep asks if something's the matter.
"3 of my servers have the same virus, there are reports of bugs and extensions cropping up in our clientelle's cookies, and today icecream sandwich ruined my phone."
"IT sounds rough" he adds sympathetically.
"IT?" the customer says, " I work at Baskin Robbins."
I'm baking cookies for a charity for orphans
I made sure to use self-raising flour.
Darth Vader once baked some cookies...
But it was a little on the dark side.
A banker, a Greek and a German sit on a table ...
There are ten cookies on that table. The banker takes nine and tells the German: "Watch out, the Greek so going to steal your cookie!"
A CEO, his American employee, and an immigrant applicant are sitting at a table with a box of 20 cookies...
A CEO, his American employee, and an immigrant applicant are sitting at a table with a box of 20 cookies.
The CEO takes 19 cookies, then whispers to the American employee, "Watch out, I think that Mexican is going to try and take your cookie!"
A banker, a worker and an immigrant
An immigrant, a worker and a banker are sitting at the table with 10 cookies. The banker takes 9 and then tells the worker "watch out, the immigrant is going to steal your cookie".
To celebrate Star Wars we baked some "Wookie Cookies".
They were a little on the Chewy side.
A man is on his deathbed and he smells chocolate chip cookies baking.
He thinks, "If I could have just one cookie, I could die a happy man." So he gets out of bed, crawls down the hall, and with his last ounce of strength, reaches up to take a fresh cookie. But his wife smacks his hand with a spatula.
He says, "Why did you do that?"
"They're for the f**...."
The Dying Man and the Cookies
An old man was on his death bed and had less than a day to live. As he lay there reflecting on his life, he smelled his favorite cookies in the kitchen. So using his last bit of will and effort, he dragged himself out of bed and crawled to the kitchen for a cookie. He sat down at the table and reached for one when his wife popped his hand with a wooden spoon: "Don't touch it! Those are for your f**...!"
An elderly man was on his deathbed.
A man is on home hospice, terminally ill and barely clinging to life. Well one afternoon he smells his absolute favorite thing in the whole world, peanut butter cookies, baking downstairs. After hours of anticipation the cookies don't come upstairs for him.
So he, against all odds, unhooks his IV's, creaks to his feet, and hobbles slowly down stairs where he beholds a platter of the cookies on the counter. He feebly reaches out for one and his wife slaps his hand away angrily.
"No! Those are for the f**...!"
Donald Trump, a white worker , and a Mexican worker are sitting at a table.
A waiter comes over carrying 10 cookies on a plate. Before the waiter even gets a chance to set the plate on the table, Donald Trump reaches over and takes 9 cookies and stuffs them in his pocket. He then leans over to the white worker and says "watch out, that r**... is looking at your cookie."
What did the cookie farmer say?
"I've been raisin' cookies."
To this day I remember the time my mom forgot to pick me up from school. The school was already empty, only the janitors were left. I cried but they gave me milk and cookies and told me that everything will be all right.
Worst high school experience ever...
I recently visited a website with tips for losing weight
And a pop up asked me if I accepted cookies. Is that a trick question?
Teacher: if you have 10 cookies and someone takes away half, what would they have?
Dot : a broken hand.
(Came across this one from Animaniacs recently)
How did the dwarf reach the cookies on top of the fridge?
He Imp-provised.
Jesus Christ turned water into wine and got worshiped by millions.
I turned w**... into cookies and now I have to wash dishes at an Olive Garden to pay rent.
I only eat certain types of oatmeal cookies
because raisins.
I just burned 3,000 calories.........
I left the cookies in the oven too long! 😎
At snack time at a Catholic elementary school there was a tray of apples. A note beside them read "Take only ONE. God is watching." At the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note,
"Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
What type of cookies do fat people eat?
Four chin cookies.
Why didn't the blonde eat all 70 cookies?
Because 69 was a mouthful.
I remember when, for weeks at a time, Mom would wake us every morning with the smell of freshly baked cookies
at 3AM. And in retrospect, those cookies smelled a lot like m**....
"What do you know about vegan cookies?"
Just that they're only margarinely better.
My Grandmother was excited to hear that some cookies at the bake sale were baked by genuine prostitutes
Grandma did always have a soft spot for h**...-made products.
So I came home today to find a homeless guy munching biscuits over my PC cabinet.
When I confronted him he said he'd clear the cookies later.
Chocolate, icecream, cookies, mars bars, doritos, popcorn, milky ways, kit kats and lays!
i wrote this joke to reach a wider audience.
A businessman, a worker, and a mexican are sitting around a table with 3 cookies on it
The businessman takes 2 and says to the worker, "Watch out, that mexican is gonna steal your cookie."
Most people like their eggs fried or scrambled, I like mine baked...
in cookies, brownies and cake.
who do monsters buy their cookies from?
the ghoul scouts.
What's a computers favorite food?
Cookies and chips.
My friend eats his fortune cookies with the fortune still inside.
I think he chews wisely
Church line
A man was waiting in line of a church. He saw an apple tree next to him, which also displayed a sign saying, "Take one only, God is watching..." He took one and waited once again.
By the end of the line, another sign was displayed near a basket of cookies that said, "Take as many as you like, God is busy watching the apples."
I saw Santa Claus having s**... with my mom. To get him back, I poisoned the cookies.
It turns out that Santa knew I would do this and killed my dad.
My manager asked me if I had prepared my report on how to cut costs at our cookie factory...
Thinking quickly, I told him that we could save money by not fully cooking all our cookies.
It was a half-baked idea, but it turned out to save us a lot of dough.
Bad Facebook...
...you ate all my cookies and gave away the recipe
Why doesn't Cookie Monster have good internet privacy?
He always accepts the cookies.
Why did it take Mr. Cat so long to bake his cookies?
He made everything from scratch.
Take only one
A boy was at a church dinner. They approached the fruit table. A nun, who was refilling the apple tray, instructed them, "We need to feed many people, so be nice and take only one. Remember, God is watching." He took one apple and moved along.
When he got to the dessert table, he took as many cookies as he could put on his plate. When a nun asked why he was doing that, he said, "Don't worry, God is busy watching the apples."
Overweight gold diggers remind me of tech support
They're always trying to clear out your cookies and cache
A dying man smells his favorite oatmeal raisin cookies cooking downstairs.
It takes all the strength he has left but he gets up from the bed and crawls down the stairs.
He sees the cookies cooling on the counter and staggers over to them. As he reaches for one, his wife's wrinkled hand reaches out, smacks his and she yells:
No, you can't have those! They're for the f**...!
The difference between a cookie and a c**....
Cookies don't care if you pull down a civil war statue.
I've just signed up to the slimming world website.
Once I've logged in, it asked me to accept cookies.
I think it's a test.
Senator: You said Facebook has cookies correct?
Zucc: Yes Senator that is correct, Facebook does use cookies.
Senator: Where can I get some of those cookies and how are they made?
Zucc: I'm sorry senator I don't know wha...
Senator: *repeats question but LOUDER*
Zucc: Senator I...
I brought some cookie dough into work today...
...so I could use the oven there to bake some cookies for all the staff, but everyone gave me dirty looks when I put them in and turned the oven on.
My boss said I was "insensitive" and "fired from the crematorium".
Why do IT people always have snacks in their desks?
You try playing with chips and managing cookies all day and not want a snack.
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I genuinely just copied and pasted this off the weight watchers website
Two cookies are getting ready for their fight
"Lets get ready to crrrrrrummmbleeeeeeeeeeeeeeee"
An old man is at home on his death bed
When suddenly he smells something amazing. It's the smell of his favorite chocolate chip cookies. And with his last strength, he gets out of bed, and he goes to the kitchen, where his wife of 50 years, is cooking these beautiful chocolate chip cookies. And they are on a plate of four of them, just out of the oven. And with his last human strength, he reaches over to take one of the cookies, and his wife sees him, she rushes over, she slaps his hand, and she says, "No, they are for the f**...."
Girl guides
I was accompanying my eight-year-old daughter who was
selling cookies door-to-door for the Girl Scouts. After visiting
several homes, she commented on the different styles of
doorbells: some buzzed, some rang, some warbled.
We made a game of guessing what the next bell would sound like.
At the precise moment she touched the doorbell at one house,
the church tower began to chime. She wheeled around with a look
of amazement on her face. "Now THAT'S a a door bell"
I just tried to set up an account on the Weight Watchers website.
Asked me "will you accept cookies?", the p**...-taking b**....
I went online looking for some new recipies for dessert.
I clicked on accept cookies, but I'm still waiting for them to show up.
I was on a diabetes awareness website...
It asked if I accept cookies. Definitely a trick question!