The Best 71 Cookies Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Cookies jokes. There are some cookies sweets jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these cookies candy puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Cookies Jokes and Puns

Grandma is like a website

You can't say no to cookies

What are a Cannibal's favourite cookies?

Girl Scouts!

What do you call a pig making cookies?

Bakin'!

Cookies joke, What do you call a pig making cookies?

A grandfather and his grandson in the supermarket

A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved three-year-old grandson. It's obvious to her that he has his hands full with the child screaming for candy in the candy aisle, cookies in the cookie aisle and for cereal and soda in the other aisles.

Meanwhile, Granddad is working his way around, saying in a controlled voice: "Easy, William, we won't be long, easy, boy."

Another outburst, and she hears the granddad calmly say: "It's OK, William, just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, boy."

At the checkout, the little terror is throwing items out of the cart, and Granddad says again in a controlled voice: "William, William, relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five minutes; stay cool, William."

Very impressed, the woman goes outside where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car. She says to the elderly gentleman: "It's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. That whole time, you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be OK. William is very lucky to have you as his grandpa."

"Thanks," said the grandfather, "but I'm William. The little shit's name is Kevin."

A CEO, a union worker and a tea party member sit down at a table ...

The union worker sets out a dozen cookies he baked.
The CEO grabs them all and tells the tea partier that the union member stole his cookie.


Got any funny fortune cookie idea's?

I own a restaurant and I have extremely funny fortune cookies, but I'm running out of fortune ideas! Help me! I need some raunchy, dirty and insulting fortunes! Show me what you got and you could see them in a fortune cookie one day!

My doctor says I'm not eating a balanced diet...that's absurd.

I eat as many cookies with my left hand as I do with my right!

Cookies joke, My doctor says I'm not eating a balanced diet...that's absurd.

What's the first step in making Bronco cookies?

Beat em in a bowl for three hours.

The final cookie

A man near death smelled his wife baking his favorite cookies down stairs. He decided if he was going to go he would have one last cookie before he went. He dragged his mostly useless body down the stairs and crawled to the counter where he knew the cookies were on the cooling rack. As he reached for a final treat his wife smacked him on the hand with a wooden spoon and said, "Those are for your funeral guests".

A man brought some cookies to a party...

His friend approached him later during the party. He asked for the recipe to show his wife.

"You see, the secret trick is that I put the dough in my belly button to measure out the perfect size of each cookie," he tells his friend.

"That's absolutely disgusting," says the friend.

He answers, "Oh, you're not going to like the way I make donuts then."

A man on his death bed

A man on his death bed smells cookies, gets up and walks into his kitchen. He asks his wife if he can have a cookie. The wife tells him to get out of here, those are for the wake

You can explore cookies twix reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean cookies chips dad jokes. There are also cookies puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


I recently told my girlfriend about removing the cookies and site data because it slows down the browser speed...

Now she understands why I delete the browsing history everyday.

A man is staring into his whiskey

The barkeep asks if something's the matter.

"3 of my servers have the same virus, there are reports of bugs and extensions cropping up in our clientelle's cookies, and today icecream sandwich ruined my phone."

"IT sounds rough" he adds sympathetically.

"IT?" the customer says, " I work at Baskin Robbins."

I'm baking cookies for a charity for orphans

I made sure to use self-raising flour.

New machine at the gym

There is a new machine at the gym. It's truly awesome! I almost puked after an hour, it really has it all.

Cookies, chocolate bars, chips, sodas.

A CEO, his American employee, and an immigrant applicant are sitting at a table with a box of 20 cookies...

A CEO, his American employee, and an immigrant applicant are sitting at a table with a box of 20 cookies.

The CEO takes 19 cookies, then whispers to the American employee, "Watch out, I think that Mexican is going to try and take your cookie!"

Cookies joke, A CEO, his American employee, and an immigrant applicant are sitting at a table with a box of 20 coo

A banker, a worker and an immigrant

An immigrant, a worker and a banker are sitting at the table with 10 cookies. The banker takes 9 and then tells the worker "watch out, the immigrant is going to steal your cookie".

How many Blondes does it take to bake chocolate chip cookies?

10....one to bake the cookies, and 9 to peel the M&Ms

To celebrate Star Wars we baked some "Wookie Cookies".

They were a little on the Chewy side.


The Dying Man and the Cookies

An old man was on his death bed and had less than a day to live. As he lay there reflecting on his life, he smelled his favorite cookies in the kitchen. So using his last bit of will and effort, he dragged himself out of bed and crawled to the kitchen for a cookie. He sat down at the table and reached for one when his wife popped his hand with a wooden spoon: "Don't touch it! Those are for your funeral!"

An elderly man was on his deathbed.

A man is on home hospice, terminally ill and barely clinging to life. Well one afternoon he smells his absolute favorite thing in the whole world, peanut butter cookies, baking downstairs. After hours of anticipation the cookies don't come upstairs for him.

So he, against all odds, unhooks his IV's, creaks to his feet, and hobbles slowly down stairs where he beholds a platter of the cookies on the counter. He feebly reaches out for one and his wife slaps his hand away angrily.

"No! Those are for the funeral!"

Why did Steve Jobs eat all the cookies?

Mac users have no CTRL

Donald Trump, a white worker , and a Mexican worker are sitting at a table.

A waiter comes over carrying 10 cookies on a plate. Before the waiter even gets a chance to set the plate on the table, Donald Trump reaches over and takes 9 cookies and stuffs them in his pocket. He then leans over to the white worker and says "watch out, that rapist is looking at your cookie."

What did the cookie farmer say?

"I've been raisin' cookies."

To this day I remember the time my mom forgot to pick me up from school. The school was already empty, only the janitors were left. I cried but they gave me milk and cookies and told me that everything will be all right.

Worst high school experience ever...

I recently visited a website with tips for losing weight

And a pop up asked me if I accepted cookies. Is that a trick question?

Teacher: if you have 10 cookies and someone takes away half, what would they have?

Dot : a broken hand.

(Came across this one from Animaniacs recently)

How did the dwarf reach the cookies on top of the fridge?

He Imp-provised.

I tried to start an online bakery.

But I accidentally deleted all my cookies.

Why aren't there any fat girls on the boxes of girl scout cookies?

Because good drug dealers don't use their own product.

Jesus Christ turned water into wine and got worshiped by millions.

I turned weed into cookies and now I have to wash dishes at an Olive Garden to pay rent.

I only eat certain types of oatmeal cookies

because raisins.

I just burned 3,000 calories.........

I left the cookies in the oven too long! 😎

At snack time at a Catholic elementary school there was a tray of apples. A note beside them read "Take only ONE. God is watching." At the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note,

"Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

I remember when, for weeks at a time, Mom would wake us every morning with the smell of freshly baked cookies

at 3AM. And in retrospect, those cookies smelled a lot like meth.

Why can't cookies dough hold a steady job?

Because it's always getting baked.

"What do you know about vegan cookies?"

Just that they're only margarinely better.

My Grandmother was excited to hear that some cookies at the bake sale were baked by genuine prostitutes

Grandma did always have a soft spot for ho-made products.

So I came home today to find a homeless guy munching biscuits over my PC cabinet.

When I confronted him he said he'd clear the cookies later.

If I have 10 cookies and you take 5, what do you have?

A broken hand.

A businessman, a worker, and a mexican are sitting around a table with 3 cookies on it

The businessman takes 2 and says to the worker, "Watch out, that mexican is gonna steal your cookie."

who do monsters buy their cookies from?

the ghoul scouts.

What's a computers favorite food?

Cookies and chips.

My friend eats his fortune cookies with the fortune still inside.

I think he chews wisely

Church line

A man was waiting in line of a church. He saw an apple tree next to him, which also displayed a sign saying, "Take one only, God is watching..." He took one and waited once again.

By the end of the line, another sign was displayed near a basket of cookies that said, "Take as many as you like, God is busy watching the apples."

I saw Santa Claus having sex with my mom. To get him back, I poisoned the cookies.

It turns out that Santa knew I would do this and killed my dad.

My manager asked me if I had prepared my report on how to cut costs at our cookie factory...

Thinking quickly, I told him that we could save money by not fully cooking all our cookies.
It was a half-baked idea, but it turned out to save us a lot of dough.

How do you tell if a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?

There are M&M shells all over the kitchen!

Bad Facebook...

...you ate all my cookies and gave away the recipe

I hope they serve cookies at the Royal Wedding this weekend

Just to show how a touch of brown sugar makes a ginger snap.

(My 8yo Daughter) How many cookies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

They don't, I eat them all.

Why did it take Mr. Cat so long to bake his cookies?

He made everything from scratch.

Take only one

A boy was at a church dinner. They approached the fruit table. A nun, who was refilling the apple tray, instructed them, "We need to feed many people, so be nice and take only one. Remember, God is watching." He took one apple and moved along.

When he got to the dessert table, he took as many cookies as he could put on his plate. When a nun asked why he was doing that, he said, "Don't worry, God is busy watching the apples."

I was just on a diabetes awareness website and it asked me if I accept cookies.

Is that a trick question?

Overweight gold diggers remind me of tech support

They're always trying to clear out your cookies and cache

Insecure people are like chocolate chip cookies

After they get baked, they'll crumble easily.

A dying man smells his favorite oatmeal raisin cookies cooking downstairs.

It takes all the strength he has left but he gets up from the bed and crawls down the stairs.

He sees the cookies cooling on the counter and staggers over to them. As he reaches for one, his wife's wrinkled hand reaches out, smacks his and she yells:

No, you can't have those! They're for the funeral!

I've just signed up to the slimming world website.

Once I've logged in, it asked me to accept cookies.

I think it's a test.

Senator: You said Facebook has cookies correct?

Zucc: Yes Senator that is correct, Facebook does use cookies.

Senator: Where can I get some of those cookies and how are they made?

Zucc: I'm sorry senator I don't know wha...

Senator: *repeats question but LOUDER*

Zucc: Senator I...

I brought some cookie dough into work today...

...so I could use the oven there to bake some cookies for all the staff, but everyone gave me dirty looks when I put them in and turned the oven on.

My boss said I was "insensitive" and "fired from the crematorium".

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I genuinely just copied and pasted this off the weight watchers website

When I Was A Child Santa Gave Me Coal One Year For Christmas, So I Poisoned His Cookies And Milk

Somehow he found out and killed my dad!

Two cookies are getting ready for their fight

"Lets get ready to crrrrrrummmbleeeeeeeeeeeeeeee"

An old man is at home on his death bed

When suddenly he smells something amazing. It's the smell of his favorite chocolate chip cookies. And with his last strength, he gets out of bed, and he goes to the kitchen, where his wife of 50 years, is cooking these beautiful chocolate chip cookies. And they are on a plate of four of them, just out of the oven. And with his last human strength, he reaches over to take one of the cookies, and his wife sees him, she rushes over, she slaps his hand, and she says, "No, they are for the funeral."

Girl guides

I was accompanying my eight-year-old daughter who was
selling cookies door-to-door for the Girl Scouts. After visiting
several homes, she commented on the different styles of
doorbells: some buzzed, some rang, some warbled.

We made a game of guessing what the next bell would sound like.

At the precise moment she touched the doorbell at one house,
the church tower began to chime. She wheeled around with a look
of amazement on her face. "Now THAT'S a a door bell"

A CEO, a laborer, and an immigrant are at a table

the table has 20 cookies. The CEO takes 19 cookies and says to the laborer, look out, that immigrant is trying to take your cookie!

I just tried to set up an account on the Weight Watchers website.

Asked me "will you accept cookies?", the piss-taking bastards.

I went online looking for some new recipies for dessert.

I clicked on accept cookies, but I'm still waiting for them to show up.

I was on a diabetes awareness website...

It asked if I accept cookies. Definitely a trick question!

Went on a site claiming to offer the best diet programme...

The first thing it asked me is if I accept cookies!

A man was eating cookies at the park.

While eating his last cookie out of the bunch, he was approached by an old lady. She was putting her hands out, gesturing if she could have his last cookie. The man broke the cookie in two and gave the old lady half of the cookie.

With a single bite, a bright light flashed and the old lady turned out to be a fairy in disguise "For your selflessness, I shall grant you a single wish."

"I wish for a red sportscar!"

With a flick of a wand, half of a sportscar fell in front of the man.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the cookies cake jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working cookies tray piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes