Cooked Jokes
119 cooked jokes and hilarious cooked puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about cooked that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Experience laughter like never before with the funniest cooked jokes! From the raw to the cooked chicken, the cooked breakfast to the raw humour, this collection of jokes is sure to spice up any meal. Enjoy a hearty laugh with these hilarious jokes!
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Funniest Cooked Short Jokes
Short cooked jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The cooked humour may include short bread jokes also.
- Son, I killed 12 people in Afghanistan Son: Dad you were a cook.
Dad:Never said I was a good one - What is Pac-Man's favorite cooking utensil? A wok a wok a wok a wok a wok a wok a wok a wok a wok a wok
- What is a nice guys' favorite cooking utensil? M'Ladle
*tips fedora*
Just kidding, it's his mom. He doesn't cook. - I hate to admit it, but my wife's cooking has seriously improved. ......that was best slice of soup I've ever had!
- Why did Dwayne 'the rock' Johnson's family get tested for COVID-19 They couldn't smell what the rock was cooking.
- "Hurt me!" she cried, jumping onto the bed and stripping her clothes off seductively... "Alright," I said. "You're a terrible cook and I fancy your sister."
- Today I cooked something for my family and they all said it was terrible. Jokes on them, the smoke detector thought it was fire.
- Two kids talking. One asks 'do you also pray before each meal'?
The other responds : no, my mom knows how to cook. - Never literally taking cooking instructions… It said chill in the fridge for an hour
I nearly died - My wife asked if she could have some peace and quiet while she tried to cook dinner So I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm
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Cooked One Liners
Which cooked one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with cooked? I can suggest the ones about fried and chef.
- French fries weren't cooked in France. They were cooked in Greece.
- My girlfriend's such a bad cook, she uses the smoke alarm as a timer.
- Burnt my Hawaiian pizza today.. I should have cooked it at aloha temperature.
- I tell ya, my wife is a lousy cook. After dinner, I don't brush my teeth. I count 'em!
- In Japan, what do you say to your mom when she cooks for you? I love umami !!
- The first french fries were not cooked on France. They were cooked in Greece.
- Who cooks in a lesbian relationship? None they both eat out.
- I got banned from the secret cooking society… For spilling the beans.
- Why are Subway cooks called "Sandwich Artists"? Even art majors deserve recognition
- Why can't you compare millionaires Tim Cook and donald trump? Apples and oranges.
- Hey Joe, Do you pray before every meal? No Mark, my wife is a good cook.
- Why don't Japanese cannibals cook their food? Because they prefer ramen.
- My wife's cooking is incredible. With a silent 'cr'.
- If your girl can cook Chinese marry her because Schezwan of a kind.
- I started stealing cutlery from my cooking classes It was a whisk I was willing to take
Cooked Breakfast Jokes
Here is a list of funny cooked breakfast jokes and even better cooked breakfast puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- *true story. I dropped an egg on my feet while cooking breakfast I guess the yolk's on me...
- While cooking breakfast this morning, my dad randomly said this: I like my women like I like my pancakes… Hot, thick, and stacked!
- What cereal was removed from Tim Cook's breakfast? Apple Jacks
- What does Tim Cook have for breakfast in the morning? Not Apple Jacks
- My kids got so mad when I cooked pancakes for breakfast Seems he was their favorite rabbit
- Have you ever seen how a blind man cooks breakfast? Neither has he.
- I cooked a boring breakfast. Allow me to eggs plain. I cooked a boring breakfast. Allow me to eggs plain.
- My 3 year-old wanted to help me cook breakfast... ...but she wasn't eggsperienced enough.
- People who cook breakfast in a t-shirt are d**.... Use a pan,for God's sake.
- One day I was cooking some eggs and sausages for breakfast, and one of the sausages got burnt. I'll never cook n**... again.
Cooked Chicken Jokes
Here is a list of funny cooked chicken jokes and even better cooked chicken puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I realized I eat too much fast food so I decided I would start cooking for myself. Does anyone here know how to "mcnugget" a chicken?
- LPT: When cooking chicken, it needs a lot of support Alone, it tastes absolutely fowl.
- I had some vegan chicken for lunch I only know because it told me before I had it killed and cooked.
- A joke for our new Chinese overlords: I once asked my Chinese girlfriend for a 69. She said I'm not cooking Chicken Chow Mein at this time of night.
- What's the hardest part of making chicken fried steak? Teaching the chicken to cook
- What dish would you cook to ensnare a member of the UK Conservative Party? Chicken Cacciatore.
- Did you hear about the blonde woman who has three hours of footage of raw chicken on her iPhone? The cooking instructions said remove sleeve and film.
- Customer in restaurant: How do you prepare your chickens? Cook: Oh, nothing special really. We just tell them they are gonna die.
- My ex and I broke up of my cooking.. ... she was vegan, I loved meat.
She really couldn't stand me making Kiwi. In my defense, it was completely fine - it tasted just like chicken. - You have 4 min to cook. Your ingredients are: Goldfish, An apple w/ 1 bite out of it, Chicken you didn't thaw, & 7 Legos
| Chopped: Moms Edition |
Fun-Filled Cooked Jokes to Make You and Your Friends Chuckle & Giggle
What funny jokes about cooked you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean worked jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make cooked pranks.
What did the chef say when he cooked up moose meat instead of beef?
"Oh no! I've made a huge MooseSteak!"
I cooked for my fiancée's parents for the first time
As I handed out the rarely cooked steak Harry (her father) said, "I like it well done."
I said, "Thanks, that means a lot."
Besides being an famous chief (despite burning everything he cooked), Adolf h**... was also a star athlete....
He was the fascist kid on the playground.
Pieces of cooked meat have been found on mount Everest recently...
The steaks have never been higher.
A women invites 3 military men to her house
During WW2 many families near military bases would invite service men over to their house for an evening to forget about the war, and to enjoy a home cooked meal. So a women calls the military base and says she would like to invite 3 men over but expresses that they CANNOT be Jews. Absolutely no Jews. The base commander says fine he will send 3 over on Sunday. She agreed and hanged up. On Sunday a jeep drives up and 3 black men got out of the vehicle. The women is in shock and asks the men is this a mistake? Surely this HAS to be a mistake! One of the men replies, "No ma'am, Captain Goldstein never makes a mistake."
My new vegetarian girlfriend cooked me a meal.....
My new vegetarian girlfriend cooked me one of her favourite dishes last night.
"What are these little round things", I asked.
"Have you never seen a chick-pea before?", she said.
"Of course I have, my last girlfriend was up for anything, but that doesn't answer my question".
Why do oysters enjoy being cooked?
It raises their shellfish steam.
Once John went to the market and bought a hen..
He kept it in the shed.
But the hen was stubborn and escaped from the back door.
John caught it and kept it in the shed again.
But the hen was stubborn and escaped from the back door.
John once again caught it and kept it in the shed.
But the hen was stubborn and escaped from the back door.
John now caught it, killed it, cooked it and ate it.
But the hen was stubborn ....
My last roommate was vegan
This happened two years ago. We were having a bbq before a game and he prepared some veggie burgers and I made some meat burgers. He mushed his veggie burgers up real good and it actually looked like meat after we cooked them. We put the leftovers in the fridge and went to the game.
When we got back I was a little bit drunk and was hungry so I opened the fridge and grabbed what I thought was the left over meat burgers.
It was a mis steak.
How did the Tumblrina order her steak to be cooked?
So done.
I wanted to make friends but I had no facebook
So I went out on the street and started shouting what I cooked, ate or drank.
Right now I've got 3 followers - two cops and a psychiatrist
A young Korean couple are lying in bed...
When the guy starts f**... nonstop.
The girl, unable to take the smell, says, "Stop, that's disgusting!"
"Don't blame me", the guy says. "It's the dog."
"Oh, don't blame him", she says. "He was cooked perfectly."
My dog kept me awake all night.
Dreadful diarrhoea.
Don't think I cooked him properly.
My wife's inappropriate Christmas dinner joke
Last night My wife and I were having Christmas dinner with her parents, grandparents, aunts/uncles, and a German neighbor who is a widow. We were talking about messing up while cooking meals and I mentioned the first time I cooked a turkey I cooked it upside down. The neighbor was incredulous that I could make such a mistake and asked how I could possibly do this when the breast would be round and make it difficult to get the turkey to not roll.
My lame joke:
>"Maybe I just like flat breasted turkeys."
Wife looks down at her chest:
>"Well now I feel self-conscious... Wait, is that why you always turn me face down?"
Everybody starts roaring with laughter and her dad turned bright red.
Oldest YOUR MOM Joke
CHIRON: Thou hast undone our mother.
AARON: Villain, I have done thy mother.
an e**... soundeth! Chiron hast been cooked on a spit!
From Shakespeare's "Taming of the Shrew.
What do you call chickpeas cooked in a waffle iron?
Fawaffle!
I brought a dyslexic girl home last night.
She cooked my sock.
Anyone who says they don't like cats
hasn't had them cooked properly.
How do the Muslims like their eggs cooked?
Sunni side up. I know this is a Shiite joke.
A man goes to the dentist with some broken teeth...
The dentist asks the man what happened, to which the man responds saying:
"My wife cooked some chicken and roti (Indian flatbread) but the bread was very hard and stiff."
The dentist replied: "You should have told her the bread was too hard and refused to eat it"
To which the man responds:
"Man, that's exactly what I did!"
(A joke originally told to me by my grandfather in Urdu)
My friend surprised me for my birthday with a book called 'Road-Kill Recipes'
I did find some road-kill the other day, so I cooked it according to one recipe and it was delicious. I'm just not sure what I should do with the bicycle.
My wife cooked ribs last night.
I accidentally dropped one on the floor, but still picked it up and took a bite.
She yelled, "that's disgusting!"
I replied, "well, you're the one that cooked it!"
What's the difference between Jam and Jelly?
Jam is made from crushed, pureed fruit and Jelly is made from fruit juice that gels when cooked.
What'd you think I was gonna say? Get your head out of the gutter.
It's pretty disgusting how celebrity parents name their children after cooked rodent.
Poor Chris Pratt
My girl asked me what I thought about babies
Apparently "depends on how they're cooked" was not any acceptable answer
How do emo's like their meat cooked
medium rawr
What do you call a cooked bug?
A French fly
My wife called me as I was sat in the pub last night "I've cooked dinner," she screamed, "And if you're not home within 20 minutes I'm going to feed it to the dog."
"Woooah! That's bang out of order!" I said, "It's not his fault."
Where were the first sausages cooked?
In *Greece*.
So I came home from work, and my roommate had cooked dinner for us. She made whale blubber. She was like "I hope you like whale blubber!" I told her "Well I mean that just sounds terrible!"
She said "You never know, you might be Inuit."
Credit to my roommate for this one
Did you know the first French fries weren't actually cooked in France?
They were cooked in Greece.
What did the Mexican guy say after he was caught on the train with a suitcase full of cooked snails?
Es cargo
A man stayed late at the pub after work when he got a call from his wife
Wife: "I've cooked your dinner and if you're not back in 10 minutes I'm going to feed it to the dog!"
Man: "Hey, it's not his fault!"
What did the Chinese restaurant do when they ran out of soy sauce?
They cooked like there was no tamari.
For my birthday, my friend bought me a book called, "Road Kill Recipes". As luck would have it, the very next day, I came across some road kill, so I cooked it according to one of the recipes in the book and it was delicious...
I'm just not sure what I should do with the bike...
Did you know?
The first French fries were cooked in Greece
What's the heaviest dish ever cooked?
A bowl of one-tons. (Wontons)
What do you call noodles cooked with roofies?
Forgetti Spaghetti
I cooked a medium-rare steak for my friend, and he said, I like it Well Done.
I said, Thanks buddy. That means a lot.
A waiter ask a gentleman how he likes his steak cooked.
Gentleman: like winning an argument with my wife.
Waiter: Rare it is then.
How do patronising people like their steak cooked?
Well Done
The first French fry wasn't cooked in France.
It was cooked in Greece.
I'll never hire a dyslexic p**... again!
There was no s**... but I did get my socks cooked.
Well Done?
Kevin was furious when his steak arrived cooked too rare.
'Waiter,' Kevin shouted, 'Didn't you hear me say "well done"?'
'Of course I did, sir, I can't thank you enough, sir,' replied the waiter. 'I hardly ever get a compliment.'
Waiter: How do you like your steak cooked?
Me: Like winning an argument with
my wife.
Waiter: Rare it is.
Today marks 5 weeks of isolation...
I'm walking 2 miles a day, no meat, dairy or flour. Eating fresh vegetables and home cooked meals every day. The change has been fantastic! I feel great!
Zero alcohol, a healthy diet, gluten free, caffeine free, sugar free and a 1 hour home workout each day! Lost 20 lbs and gained muscle mass. I've even cut my screen time in half and am reading a book a week.
I have no idea who wrote this, but I am really proud of them so I decided to copy and paste.
My husband has cooked me a lovely meal and bought some very nice wine. I'll bet he's after s**....
Well he can forget that. He's staying in with me.
A Canadian walks into a restaurant...
He orders some fish, and the waitress asks, "how would you like your fish cooked?"
He replies, "Friday."
A Christmas Miracle
It was Christmas time and the lady answered the door to the mailman. She said come inside I have something for you. She took him upstairs and s**... his brains out. The next morning she cooked him a huge breakfast and gave him a dollar. The mailman asked what just happened. She said I asked my husband what to give you for Christmas and he said 'fuck him, give him a dollar' the breakfast was my idea.
Whats the difference between a cooked sweet potato and a flying pig
One is a heated yam and the other is a yeeted ham
NASA had a supply of rib eye on the last flight to the international space station to see how meat cooked in space. They called it their most important mission.
Because the steaks were never higher.
My wife asked if she could have a little peace and quiet while she cooked dinner
So I took the batteries out of the smoke detector.
Turns out we've all been lied to about French fries. The first fries weren't actually cooked in France.
They were cooked in Greece.
My wife called me and said If you're not home from the bar in 10 minutes, I'm giving the dinner I cooked for you to the dog.
I was home in 3 minutes, I'd hate for anything to happen to the poor dog.
I just burned my Hawaiian pizza
Guess I should cooked it at aloha temperature
Me: What's it called when a steak is over cooked?
Dad: Well done, son
Me: I finally got you to say it, you son of a b**...
I was eating a cheeseburger when I was confronted by a vegan.
The vegan said I should give up killing and eating cows, he said I should start eating vegan. If prepared right, you will get more vitamins and enjoy it more.
At the end of the day, he was right, cooked properly, he was delicious.
You cant argue with people who like their beef well cooked
They are still chewing
I saw a p**... being cooked on a skillet.
It was w**...-a-frying.
I burnt my Hawaiian pizza last night.
I should have cooked it on Aloha temperature.
I put my dog on a vegan diet
He prefers them cooked
I met an Irishman who cooked beans and he would just use exactly 239 beans per p**.... I asked him, why? He said
If I added just one more bean, it would be too f**...!
Did you hear about the guy who burnt his house down buy overcooking a Hawaiian pizza?
###He should have cooked it at aloha temperature...
I know where the door is.
How does Lady Gaga like her steak cooked?
Rah, rah-ah-ah-ah
How does a cat like its steak cooked...
Raaaaaaaare.
I know I know. Dad joke but I'm desperate for some love since it's my birthday.
I'm in Spain but the S and the I are silent
Seriously guys help, Im being cooked alive right at this very moment
A man had been away from home for 3 days trying to hunt a deer.
Finally, he was able to shoot the largest deer he had ever seen.
He took it home and kept it a surprise from everybody else. He cooked it in the shed so that no one could see what it was.
When he brought the cooked deer to the table, his kids asked what it was.
"It's what your mother calls me," he said with a smile on his face.
The eldest son was repulsed by this statement and shouted, "Nobody eat it! It's a dog!"
What do you call a badly cooked piece of meat?
A misteak
A stubborn chicken
There was once a stubborn chicken at Mr. Wiley's farm who always used to find ways to escape out the back.
Mr. Wiley decided to put a fence around chicken house, but being a stubborn chicken, he still managed to escape out the back.
Then Mr. Wiley decided to put it in a cage. But chicken, being stubborn still managed to escape out the back.
Frustrated, Mr. Wiley killed it, cooked it and finally ate it. But the chicken was stubborn. He still managed to escape out the back.
I cooked dinner last night.
It was gumbo I made with only sausage and okra. It wasn't good or bad .
It was meaty okra.
Why did the gnome visit his mother?
To get a gnome cooked meal
A raw chicken s**... dreams of being cooked and enjoyed one day
Until then, it's just a pre-tender.
My wife asked for peace and quiet while she cooked dinner.
So I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm.
I had dinner with Jeffrey d**....
He cooked Stu
I keep a folder on fish that swim upstream and can give you a disease if not cooked properly.
The Salmon Manila
I ordered a Hawaiian Pizza today, and it was burnt.
It should have been cooked at aloha temperature.
A waitress forgot to ask a customer how he wanted his steak cooked. She returns to the table and asks him. He replies, I like my steak like I like my s**...!
So the waitress turns to the kitchen and shouts, "Very rare."
